And The Flowers Fall

THE FLOWERS SENT by my publisher after the death of my husband were beautiful. The red and white roses, settled amidst the drama of orchids and the soft gracefulness of blue hydrangeas blended together in a stunning Christmas arrangement that lifted my spirits in the sad days fallowing my husband’s death.

Now the flowers were dying. As I gathered the wilted rose petals that had fallen beside the vase, I sighed at seeing the drooping roses and the browning orchids and hydrangeas. I hated to have to remove this one little token of joy that graced my dining room table. As I carried the vase to the kitchen and began to remove the flowers, I thought of the words of 1 Peter 1:24-25.

“All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

Yes, my husband’s life had passed all too soon. Like the flowers that had been so lovely for a short time, a life that had brought me laughter, companionship, love and even grief at times, was now gone from this earth. No longer could I enjoy conversations in the evening, well-timed words of encouragement, shared memories, private jokes, my husband’s incisive, clear-eyed opinions when making decisions, or prayers together before turning out the lights.

We thought life would go on and on. But it didn’t. Like the grass that withers, my husband’s life was now gone from me.

But it wasn’t actually gone. It was gone from me. But I knew my husband still lived . . . somewhere with God.  But it was beyond my comprehension. Beyond my understanding.  Where was he?

Where Was My Husband Now?

To try to answer that question, I turned to the only place that provides the wisdom we need at such times because as the scripture about the flowers said, “the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

And the word of God says, “In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time” (1 Peter 1: 3b-5).

Yes, Marv was alive. He was in Heaven. But he was far from me. He was my husband on earth. What was our relationship now? I remembered Jesus saying all too clearly there would not be marriage in Heaven. So what was our relationship?

In her book, To Live Again, Catherine Marshall quotes a pastor who spoke at the memorial service for her husband Peter Marshall after his sudden death.

“This morning . . . we are endeavoring to establish a new relationship. We have known Peter Marshall in the flesh. From now on we are to endeavor to know him in the spirit . . . The fellowship with him will remain unbroken . . . .”

An unbroken fellowship.

But one that is unseen.

In the spirit.

I wasn’t quite sure what that meant or what it should look like.

What Was Our Relationship Now?

In my loneliness I picked up my husband’s Bible and began leafing through the pages. When I came to Psalms and began to read passages Marv had underlined, I was startled to see something brand new. I discovered my husband’s heart in a deeper way than I had known it even when he was beside me in the house. I saw his yearning to know God. “My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1 ESV).

I saw him grappling with his own frailness. “Strengthen me according to Thy word. Remove the false way from me, and graciously grant me Thy law. For Thou wilt enlarge my heart” (Psalm 119: 28-30).

And his search for more understanding: “Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from Thy law. I am a stranger in the earth, do not hide Thy commandments from me. My soul is crushed with longing after Thine ordinances at all times” (Psalms 119: 18-20).

I read the underlined passages over and over and it eased the pain in my heart. He yearned after God and he was now there WITH God. “Because Thy loving kindness is better than life, my lips will praise Thee, So I will bless Thee as long as I live” (Psalm 63:3-4).

Although my husband was gone in the flesh, he had left an open window to his heart in the underlined passages of the Psalms. God had allowed me to find them.

A New Dimension

As I continued to pray for more understanding, God began to open my heart to a new dimension of our relationship, one birthed in our times of praying together, in acknowledging God as our Lord and Savior, and in reaching out in ministry together.

It created the three-corded strand spoken of in Ecclesiastes 4:12 where Solomon spoke of two being better than one when trying to stay safe, then added his wise addendum, that although two were good, there was something even better, stronger, and longer lasting: for “A three-corded strand is not easily broken.”

I saw now the difference it created, even in the hereafter, when God is part of the marriage relationship.

Two of the strands had been separated by death, but the third one still held us together. Jesus was with him intimately now in heaven. Jesus was with me too. If He was with Marv and also with me, then we still had a connection and we couldn’t be too far apart.

Lord, thank you for your promise of eternal life. Thank you for your everlasting love that holds us up when life seems to let us down. Thank you for showing me my husband’s heart and easing the pain of our parting. Thank you for being with me now and for showing me the way forward as I face each day.