Photo by Insung Yoon
Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller
After only seven years of marriage, my husband Larry and I hated each other. We didn’t have hope for our future together. Plus, neither of us thought God really cared. Larry felt helpless and concentrated on working more hours and diverting himself with sports. I just thought God had given up on me. Our marriage boat was sinking.
But God did care and He had not given up.
In the Bible, God asks over 300 questions, not because He doesn’t know the answers, but because He wants to inquire into our minds and hearts. When any of us are struggling in our marriages, we might be surprised to discover how the questions God asks in the Bible can minister to us in unexpected ways.
For instance, in Luke 8:22-25, when the disciples are in a sinking boat and Jesus is asleep in spite of the waves flooding over the sides, even the seasoned fishermen of the disciples feel hopeless. And the man, Jesus, who had originally told them to get into the boat seems totally oblivious.
Finally, most likely after trying on their own to scoop water out of the boat, the terrified disciples yell above the howling wind, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” (vs 24). When this similar scene had occurred before, the disciples had cried out, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:38).
Larry and I both had concluded within the sinking ship of our marriage that our relationship would perish and God didn’t really care. There was no hope and since He hadn’t given us an instant healing, maybe He was as hopeless as we were.
But Jesus does rescue the disciples and asks, “Where is your faith?” I find the word “where” fascinating. Other times, Jesus asks “what” or “why.” Only a few other times does Jesus use “where” in a question, usually referring to a physical place, not the condition of the heart.
This time he is addressing the condition of the disciples’ hearts—where they are traveling away from him in their commitment.
He seems to be asking,
- Where is your faith headed?
- Where are your desires leading you?
- Where will you end up?
The reaction of the disciples—and those of us in the midst of marriage challenges—reveals our spiritual eyes and also our physical eyes which focus on our circumstances. We quickly travel in our hearts to imagine the worst.
“Yes, Jesus said He created marriage but I guess He doesn’t care about ours.”
“Yes, Jesus said He can give us the courage to persevere, but even making right choices doesn’t seem to make any difference.”
“Yes, Jesus said nothing is too difficult for Him, but then why do I keep getting so angry and defensive?”
We all have “yes … but …” statements following where disbelief and distrust lead. Instead of clinging to the confidence Jesus demonstrates through the promises of Scripture, we follow the rabbit trail off into the forest where dangers lurk. The apparent truths of circumstances seem more accurate and real.
It’s not easy, but it is possible to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. Otherwise, Jesus would not have asked the disciples, “Where is your faith?” He would have just walked out onto the sea and abandoned them.
We know because Jesus didn’t abandon Larry and me. He calmed the storm threatening our marriage. No, it wasn’t an instant deliverance like when Jesus quieted the storm. Instead, the healing of our relationship was filled with three steps forward and two steps back. Little by little, we each learned selflessness, how to choose love regardless of our feelings, and greater trust in God to keep trying.
Now after celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary, we can confirm that calling upon Jesus is worth it. Our love and commitment is as strong as it can be and we minister together. He proves Himself faithful not only by showing His attentiveness, but by empowering us to learn how to use our spiritual paddles effectively and know Jesus is with us even if the storm continues.
“Where is your faith?” continues to draw our attention back to our great God who knows exactly how to help us. Sometimes by calming the storm and other times by giving us more effective paddles.
Do you have a sinking marriage?
He healed us and He desires to heal you.
Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller are international and national speakers and co-writers. They married in 1970, are parents, grandparents, and lay counselors. Larry is a retired police lieutenant from Huntington Beach, California. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Visit them at 
www.KathyCollardMiller.com
I’m so pleased to be able to share about our marriage journey. Ups and downs, joy and challenges are a part of every marriage. I’d love to hear the thoughts of others.