When a person’s marriage crashes into crisis, one of the first questions they may ask, is, “Can my marriage be saved? Or is it too late?” Joe and Michelle Williams’ book answers that question directly. Their book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, not only tells you that yes, it can, but it provides numerous tools to help you actually do it.
Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is a companion book to the course the Williams had previously created called Marriage 911, a course that my husband and I have lead for 14 years in Central Florida, and a course that takes place in numerous cities across America. If you have taken Marriage 911, this book will solidify for you the principles in the class. If not, it will give you fresh perspectives to help you discover the truth in the title of their book. For, yes, your marriage can be saved. I am pleased today to interview Joe and Michelle Williams about their book.
Linda: Michelle, tell us what lead you to write your book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, that was published by Focus on the Family in 2006?
Michelle: After Joe and I reconciled from being separated for two years, we began helping marriages in crisis in 1990. In 1997 we created a workbook and a 12-week curriculum that many churches in California and across the nation began using to help couples who seemed to have no hope. As you know, we also began traveling to many of the churches, including yours, and meeting many leaders and authors. Many of the authors, including yourself, encouraged us to write a book using true stories from the many people we had helped.
Linda: So, Joe, would you say that Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is a book that includes only stories of saved marriages?
Joe: No, even though the book is filled with true stories of people whose marriages were on the brink of divorce we felt it was important to include stories of marriages that didn’t make it. For instance, one of the guys that I worked with during his marriage crisis did everything he could to save the marriage, but his wife had no desire to work on the marriage and finally filed for divorce. I wanted his story in there because he was an example of men who need to stay plugged into a support group and not go through their pain alone. Steve did that, and even though he has not remarried, he became a godly man for his children and had peace through his difficult time.
Linda: Please tell us more about the book. I know it includes stories from those you have walked alongside. But what else is in your book?
Michelle: Our story of separation and reconciliation is also woven throughout each chapter and includes all the reconciliation tools that are in our Marriage 911: First Response workbook. At the end of each chapter are questions that can be answered in small groups, as a couple, or privately.
Linda: Can you give an example of how Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved differs from the Marriage 911 workbook since it includes the same tools?
Michelle: Yes, as you know, our 12-week workbook is meant to be done with a same gender support partner or in a same-gender class, without the participation of their spouse. In contrast, Yes, Your Marriage Can be Saved is designed to be read as a couple so they can contemplate the questions together or with other couples. The examples and communication tips are explained in a way that is easy for a couple to discuss since there is a lot of humor intertwined with teaching them better ways to disagree or accept personality and anger-expression differences.
Linda: So, if someone is separated or has a spouse who doesn’t want to read it, is the book still helpful?
Joe: I don’t like to read, so Michelle reads out loud to me while we drive. I’ve “read” tons of books without ever having to! Most of the guys I know feel the same, but all of them have said they don’t mind being read to.
Michelle: If someone is physically separated we recommend getting a small group together or at least one other same-gender person to read it and discuss weekly. But, honesty, many of the people we have heard from over the years have read it alone, put the tools in action and made their own personal changes without their spouse ever participating. As Joe mentioned, there are several stories of marriages that were not saved, but lives changed for the better and we include those stories to encourage the reader whose marriage may not be saved. Remember, the name of the books is “Yes, Your Marriage CAN Be Saved”…not WILL.
Linda: Do people use both the Marriage 911 workbook and the Yes, Your Marriage Can be Saved book together?
Michelle: That is always the best way if a church is offering a 12-week class. The workbook has all the tools, but not all the examples. In Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved each tool is discussed in depth with several examples of additional communication tips. Since a couple can read the book together they do not have to have their own, as they do with the workbook.
Linda: Can you two give an example of the tools and communication tips?
Joe: The first thing we recommend in Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is to create a support system so that the reader does not go through their marriage crisis alone. Being isolated and alone is what Satan wants, and when someone is alone and hopeless the enemy wins. The support system of our ministry is key—regardless of how the marriage is doing. Another important factor about having support is that it creates accountability. In my own life, until Michelle and I separated in 1987 for two years, I had never been accountable to a group of men. I think my being in a men’s group and studying the word with other guys played a big part of Michelle and I reconciling.
Michelle: We know the importance of accepting differences when it comes to communicating, because that was one of the biggest hurdles for us in our marriage. Woven throughout the book are tips and tools to deal with anger, honesty, fear, and personality differences. These differences can really show up when storms such as parenting, finances, or family drama blindside a marriage. So in Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved we create examples of how to accept these differences and keep a right focus so couples or individuals can not only survive but actually thrive in the midst of difficulty.
Linda: Where can couples get the book?
Joe: They can order it from their local bookstore, or Amazon, or visit our website, Marriage911Godsway.com. Many of the churches who offer our ministry have it on hand in their church library or bookstore.
Linda: If someone wants to start a Marriage 911 program in their church, how should they go about it?
Michelle: It’s easy to start a ministry. Just visit the website: Marriage911Godsway.com, and order a leader’s kit. We have a step-by-step plan in the leader’s guide, which explains how to start a small group or class, or use the resources one-on-one. The weekly videos on our website can be used in a small group or class, or the person can do it on their own.
Linda: If someone wants to attend, but there isn’t a Marriage 911 class nearby, is there an alternative?
Joe: We offer trained national support partners and online videos once a person orders any of our workbooks or book.
Thank you Linda.