When Opposites Marry . . .

Guest Post by Karin Beery

Opposites attract. For proof of that, let me introduce you to my husband and me. Born in the same year and in the same state, we’re both the middle of three children with dads named Tom. After that, it’s hard to find similarities.

Matt’s an avid outdoorsman—he once spent an entire summer living in a tent in the woods. He’d go to work every day, then go back to the woods at night. His dream vacation is exploring the Alaskan wilderness. I don’t know that he’s ever finished reading a book. And when he’s exhausted, he wants to recharge his mental and emotional batteries by himself with nothing but his podcasts and LEGO.

I’d like the outdoors more if there weren’t any mosquitos (apparently I’m delicious). My dream vacation is any tropical beach anywhere in the world. I’m on track to read 150 books in 2022. And when I’m exhausted, there’s nothing better than hanging out with a group of people, especially if there’s food involved.

Matt and I knew we were opposites when we met. That’s one of the things that attracted us to each other. But despite our differences, we agreed on one crucial thing—we had to pray and know that God wanted us together before we would consider dating.

We prayed. We had peace. We got engaged (it was about that fast; he asked three months after we met).

Opposites attract, but unlike magnets, the pull between people doesn’t always last. Though we had peace from God that our union was His plan, we spent the next five months planning—and fighting about—our wedding and future. It came to a glorious, heart-breaking head two weeks before our wedding, during our last marriage counseling session with our pastor. I don’t remember why I was upset or what had happened, but I’ll never forget my pastor’s words:

“People will understand if you want to call off the wedding.”

Talk about a gut punch.

Nothing in me wanted to call off the wedding, but I knew something was wrong if our pastor could so easily suggest canceling it. I told him canceling was not an option, so he had to give us something else. There had to be another way.

“Get your eyes off each other and back onto God.”

He illustrated that point with an analogy perfectly suited for my outdoor-loving husband: the bloodless tick. Ticks need hosts in order to survive; they latch onto animals or humans and feast. Humans are the same. We need God to survive. We need to latch onto Him and let Him feed us, spiritually and emotionally.

Imagine if two ticks latched onto each other. They would suck each other dry in an attempt to feed themselves. The same is true of people. When we latch onto each other, expecting another person to spiritually and emotionally satisfy us, we will eventually suck each other dry. But when we latch onto God—when we get our eyes off of each other and turn them back to our creator—we not only receive the nourishment we need, we also take our focus off of the problem and put it back on the solution.

My husband and I picked the second option.

We made it through the wedding, but that wasn’t the end of our struggles. It was the beginning…of butting heads, failing to meet expectations, being frustrated with each other. Of iron sharpening iron. But when things got really rough (bags packed and reservations made), we always remembered the bloodless ticks, and we shifted out focus back onto God.

We’ve now been happily married for ten years, married for a total of seventeen. I used to worry that that joke would offend people or paint us in an unflattering color, but I don’t ever want to sugar coat the hard work and determination that’s kept us together through all of this.

Yes, opposites attract, but that attraction doesn’t always last. Still, God can use that attraction to bring two people together, and when He does, He does it for a reason. If you’ve married your opposite and you keep your eyes on your differences, all you’ll ever see is each other’s differences. But if you’ll turn your eyes back to God, he can use those differences to not only keep you together but to help you grow in ways you never even imagined.

 

Author, Karin Beery writes contemporary stories with a healthy dose of romance. When she’s not writing fiction, she’s reading, editing, or teaching it. In her book, Avoiding Marriage, Jessica Miller has made a mess of her already confusing life. Now, she’s back in Boyne Heights, and she’s determined to fix her reputation, even if that means working for her ex-boyfriend and avoiding her grandmother’s attempts to find her a new one. https://www.amazon.com/Karin-Beery/e/B07HQ2GZQS