Carried by Grace—what a beautiful title for a book and what wonderful peace this phrase brings to mind, in sharp contrast to the devastating implications of the subtitle. When we experience heartbreak, the best gift God can give is to carry us with his amazing grace. Although I hope not many of you have had to deal with a child being sexually abused, Debra’s book has much to share about experiencing God’s grace during a period of crisis. And if you do know someone whose child has been sexually abused, be sure to let them know about this book. Debra Butterfield is nonfiction editor for CrossRiver Media Group and a freelance editor and writing coach. Debra’s book, Carried by Grace: a Guide for Mothers of Victims of Sexual Abuse released in April and is available in print and on Kindle.
Linda: This is a tough topic, Debra, but sadly, I’m sure it’s one a number of mothers have had to deal with. Could you tell us a little about how you came to write Carried by Grace?
Debra: One night in the midst of a family argument, my daughter threatened suicide and subsequently was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The next day my husband was arrested and charged with sexually abusing her. I was beyond devastated and felt so alone! I had a friend who encouraged me and was a prayer warrior for me, but there was no other mother who stepped forward and said “I’ve been where you are. Let me help.”
Because of the shame this crime carries with it, most people don’t want to admit it’s happened to them and ask for help. I wanted to provide a way for mothers to know they’re not alone, to help them know what to expect in their (and their child’s) journey to healing, and give them spiritual and practical steps to help.
Linda: What are two or three things you tell mothers to help them deal with this traumatic experience?
Debra: Keep your focus on Jesus and pray about everything.
Take care of yourself so you can stay physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.
Don’t try to do this alone. Utilize your support network.
The Need for Prayer Warriors
Linda: You mentioned your friend was a prayer warrior. Could you expound on that?
Debra: My biblical foundation for prayer warriors is Exodus 17:9-13. When the Israelites had gone to battle with the Amalekites, Moses, Aaron, and Hur stood on a hill nearby where they could view the battle. Moses prayed and whenever he held his hands up to the Lord, the Israelites prevailed in battle. When Moses dropped his hands, the Amalekites prevailed. Moses grew tired, so Aaron and Hur found a stone for Moses to sit on, and each stood on one side of Moses and supported his hands. And so Joshua and the Israelites defeated the Amalekites.
A crisis is not a time to be alone. Even Jesus during his night in the Garden of Gethsemane asked Peter and John to pray with him. When we face a crisis, we need others who will pray for us on a daily basis. Ideally you have two or three people of the same gender who know the exact circumstances you face. These people can then pray for and with you on a regular basis. They are there to offer a word of encouragement and strengthen you when your faith falters or when you’re depressed or tired and worn out from the battle.
Linda: What are the qualities of a good prayer warrior?
Debra: A good warrior needs to
• know the Bible well,
• understand the principles of prayer and spiritual warfare,
• be trustworthy, and
• be willing to commit time daily to pray for you and your family.
The Question of “Why?”
Linda: At some point in a crisis most people ask the question “Why has this happened?” Did you?
Debra: Most definitely! God is okay with us asking the question, but He doesn’t want us to get stuck there. Getting stuck opens the door to bitterness.
I believed Romans 8:28, and made the choice to trust God. I let go of asking Him why and started asking what He had for me to learn through the trial.
Over the years I’ve dug deeper into the “why?” dilemma, and God brought an answer from an unexpected place—mountaintop experiences.
At the time, I lived in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I had a magnificent, unobstructed view of Pikes Peak from the front deck of my house. When we’re at the top of the mountain, what a view! Miles and miles of God’s country to see. We’re separated from the noise and chaos of our daily lives and everything seems right with our little world. We never want to come down!
But living in a high altitude has its challenges. The air is thinner—fewer molecules of oxygen—so your body has to acclimate. In addition, very little grows on the mountaintop. The right conditions must exist for growth that aren’t there on top of that mountain.
I know it’s difficult for people to accept, but we grow and mature emotionally and spiritually through the difficulties we face in life. We find those conditions in the valley—our day-to-day lives—not on the mountaintop.
Imagine what would have happened to the Israelites if Moses had never come down from the mountain.
God has a purpose for us. He allows difficulties—a troubled marriage, a sick child, job loss—because He knows the ideal conditions needed for each of us as individuals to grow, learn, and accomplish His destiny for us.
Linda: If you could give someone only one piece of advice, what would that be?
Debra: That the true meaning of hope is to confidently expect.
In today’s society the word “hope” has become synonymous with “wish.” People say “I hope” but they have no true conviction or expectation that they’ll realize that hope.
The Bible is filled with promises from God and God is not a liar. If He lied, everything about His being would unravel. He would not be God, nor worthy of our faith and worship.
Trusting God is an act of faith. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary tells us faith is (1) confidence or trust in a person or thing; (2) belief that is not based on proof. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the confidence that what we expect to happen will happen.
Think of it this way. If you made a promise to someone and they said “I don’t believe you’ll keep your promise,” how would that make you feel?
When we have no hope in God and doubt His promises, we are insulting His character.
God is true to His word. We can trust Him. We can hope—confidently expect—Him to fulfill His promises, to answer our prayers, and to be in the midst of our troubles and help us through.
Linda: Where can people find the book?
Debra: Carried by Grace can be purchased from my publisher CrossRiver Media Group at http://www.crossrivermedia.com/bookstore/genres/non-fiction/carried-by-grace/ as well as the usual online bookstores. It’s also available on Kindle.
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