They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective – Author Interview with Lisa Gray

May 30, 2022 by Leave a Comment

A yellow bookcover with the picture of a mother and childWITH WHAT’S BEEN happening in our country this last week, our hearts and minds have been taken captive by thoughts about our children and the horror some of them had to endure at the hands of a heartless and cruel individual. But our hearts also go out to the parents and the pain they’ve experienced as they try to comprehend the incomprehensible awfulness of what happened.

There’s another horror story some children endure and other mothers who are gripped with pain in the discovery. In Lisa Gray’s book, They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective, Lisa broaches a subject that is difficult to talk about, but she shares it from the vulnerability of a mother who has experienced the pain but discovered the healing.

Linda: Lisa, I know this is a dark subject, but I believe you’ve told me the book is not about darkness, but about hope. Please tell me what you mean by that.

Lisa: I believe we need to always be reminded that even in the darkest of situations, there’s always hope because we serve the God of Hope!

Linda: So now that we’ve given away the ending – that there is hope—tell me what They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective is about.

Lisa: A mother’s heart, a heart that has been broken, shattered, stomped upon, torn apart and left in utter disarray.  The revelation of knowing your child has been violated by those who were “supposed” to care and nurture them is unlike any other pain I’ve ever experienced in my life!

Linda: So please tell us why you decided to write They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective

Lisa: I felt the Lord wanted me to share my story, my journey back to health and wholeness for myself and my family. The book is meant for those who like me felt so alone, so isolated AND felt guilt and shame!  I was supposed to provide safety, protection, and security.  That was not my daughter’s experience.

I have to say I listen to Bishop T D Jakes a great deal, and I remember thinking to myself, “Why does he always talk about sexual abuse?”  I know it happens.  My head is not buried in the sand, but does it really happen THAT much?  I mean does it happen enough to warrant him continually talking about it ad nausea?  Well give me a chance now, and boy oh boy have I changed my story!  Today I say. “Bishop preach!”  Linda, today I understand that while I was thinking those very thoughts, I never knew that sexual abuse was happening in my own house, under my own roof, to My own daughter.

Linda: That’s heartbreaking, Lisa. Tell us how you were able to deal with it?

Lisa: Well let me assure you, it was not easy.  It was a process that took time, prayer, and—if I can be honest—I’ll admit there was some self-pity, Lisa Gray, authorsome self-loathing, and many questions of why and how could this happen.  I’m a good person, I love the Lord, this is not supposed to happen to Christians like us.

Linda, many times I had to fight the enemy in my mind…which is why the Lord tells us in scripture to take every thought captive…not to just sit in it, not to soak in the negativity but to fight.

There were days where I would fight with worship music, there were days when I would fight with scripture, there were days when I would fight with scriptures.  I would put scriptures all around me to remind me that God was faithful.  There were sticky notes on my refrigerator, my bathroom mirror, my car review mirror…because the assault against my mind was unrelenting, but only for a season.

I can say my family and my church family rallied around us also and supported us greatly through that season.

Because God is the same yesterday, today and forever we can stand on his word, and he will and does bring us through!

Linda: Lisa, that is such a powerful reminder of how to persevere through difficult times. Yes, God is faithful! What do you want readers to take away from your message in your book, They Don’t Tell?

Lisa: Linda if there’s anything I’d like for your listeners and my readers to know, I want to remind them that the enemy comes after our faith, and our resolve to judge the Lord faithful…even in the storms of life.  He really wanted me and others to walk away from the Lord and curse the Lord because of the trial and the storm.  I would never do that.  I understood that our LORD is faithful through every trial, every storm. And I understood my children, my family, my church family, even the community was looking to see how I was going to handle this.  Instead of running from God and to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, food, whatever vice we use as false refuge, when the Bible clearly tells us the Lord is our strong tower, we run to him and are safe!

Run to him, Run to the throne of grace and plead for Mercy, judge the Lord faithful throughout all the circumstances. His mercies are new every morning, for you and your family!

Linda: After this terrible incident of child abuse happened to you and your daughter, where are you now in life? And how is your daughter?

Lisa Gray and DaughterLisa: This is myself and my daughter Nikki now—after the storm, after the hurt, after the trauma, after the healing, and after restoration has taken place in both of our lives.  We are better, stronger, more resilient, and determined that what we went through others can go through as well and survive!​  We walked this out together, and now are compelled to open up our lives and hold our heads high because like any of you who’ve experienced this—we have nothing to be ashamed of!

Linda: Has this experience of dealing with child abuse taught you anything new or transformed your thinking in any way?

Lisa: The Lord has taken me into a new area for me, one I never truly understood, but now I do.  Generational curses.  Although we don’t realize it, we actually have understood them along certain areas of our lives because every time we go into a medical facility they want a breakdown of our medical history.  Well, Linda, hidden in those familiar medical patterns are the generational iniquities that have been repeating throughout our generations.  Now I work with individuals and families to uncover, and uproot those patterns—of cancer, heart disease, brokenness, sexual immorality, etc.  My website is :  Bloodline Curse Breakers.com.  I can also be reached through email at kidsdonttell@gmail.com or by phone at 1 (202) 810-5687.

Linda: Do you have any final thoughts to share:

Lisa: Yes, this was a HORRIBLE situation, but when we give it to God, trust him, lean on and into him through the process, he will turn it around for our good.  His word cannot return to him void, and what the enemy meant for bad, God turns it around for our good.

Now I get the opportunity and the honor to share God’s word and his redemption all around the world.  My daughter is well and flourishing, and my ex-husband is serving a prison term of 15-40 years for the violation.

Linda: Where can people find your book, They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective?

Lisa: The best place to find the book is on Amazon or they can reach out to me at the above email. You can also find out more about me and my book on my website at bloodline cursebreaker – Author counsellor speaker

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Filed Under: Abuse, BOOKS, Children, comfort, Feeling unworthy, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Pain, Sexual abuse, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Out of the Dust: Story of an Unlikely Missionary by Avis Goodhart – Interview with Collaborative Writer Marti Pieper

October 15, 2015 by 1 Comment

Out of the Dust - Cover - Marti PieperThis week I’m privileged to interview Marti Pieper, a dear friend and collaborative writer who has put into words the story of a woman who surmounted huge obstacles in her life through a faith that grew through the challenges. By surrendering her life to God, Avis Goodhart not only became stronger herself, but eventually began to serve others and glorify God in powerful ways.

As a collaborative writer, Marti Pieper has used her passion to read, write and pray to help produce eight non-fiction books, including Out of the Dust, which received AWSA’s Golden Scroll Nonfiction Merit Award this past summer.

Linda: The title of your book intrigues me, Marti. Could you tell my readers how you came up with the title, Out of the Dust?

Marti: I wrote the book for missionary Avis Goodhart. Pacasmayo, the small city where her ministry is based, is a dusty place. Avis founded an orphanage, church, and school there, all built on top of a landfill. When I stayed there to interview Avis and others, I had to wear sunglasses whenever I went out—not because it was so sunny, but because of the constant dust in the air.

But the “dust” in the title is also a metaphor for the lives God has used Avis to bring out of brokenness. Her own background is a prime example of that. Her book also includes small stories of other lives God has brought out of the dust through her ministry.

A Faith That Overcomes

Linda: You say the author overcame personal obstacles. Could you tell us a little bit about that? How did her faith help her through them?

Marti: Some of the first obstacles Avis had to overcome began in her childhood. Her father loved her, but he suffered from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of his service in World War II. As a result, the family made multiple moves—often with only a few minutes’ notice. Seven children and two parents traveled in one old car with all their belongings stuffed into the trunk and piled on top. One year, Avis and her siblings went to ten different schools.

Avis was also a victim of child sexual abuse and, like many in that situation, believed she was dirty and somehow at fault. But her faith in Christ helped her gain a new identity in Him and confidence in His power. Now, she reminds others that God can use them no matter what. One of her favorite sayings is, “Don’t waste your pain.”

Avis also experienced the pain of infidelity with both her marriages. Her teen marriage ended after eleven years, and she later remarried. But she soon realized her new husband struggled with alcohol and infidelity. One night, she sat on her bed, telling God she was ready to stop being a good girl. “I have the name (divorcée), why not play the game?” she thought.

But God had other plans. He showed her a movie in her mind of a woman fixing up house after house and trying to please man after man. None of those relationships worked, and Avis realized God wanted her full surrender. Once she gave Him her life and her plans, He restored her marriage in a miraculous way.

Linda: How did Avis’s background of pain lead her into mission work?

Marti: That’s another great story. Avis has dyslexia, and after she raised her children, she went to college and became a special education teacher so she could help others with disabilities. Her interest in missions began in childhood, but she didn’t follow up on it for many years. After she became a teacher, she started taking mission trips with her nieces in the summertime, traveling cross-country to tell others about Christ.

But God kept calling her to do more. She offered herself to various mission organizations, telling them she was available during summer break and would pay her own way, but she never heard back from any of them. Finally, at age fifty, she took her first mission trip with a friend and saw God use her in incredible ways. She then began taking mission trips on her own. Eventually, God led her to Peru, where she founded and built an orphanage, Casa de Paz (“House of Peace”) as well as a church and school.

A Faith That Reaches Out

Linda: How has her faith helped her in her ministry? Could you share a story from your book about this?

Marti: Avis’s strong faith is the reason she went to Peru—and all the other countries—in the first place. She’s an “unlikely missionary,” as the book’s subtitle describes her, because with her background as well as her disability, most people would not consider her a good missionary candidate. Avis not only has dyslexia but also suffered an attack of Bell’s Palsy which left permanent damage, so she had to leave the teaching profession. But God uses us as we make ourselves available to Him.

A great example of her faith and availability is told in Chapter 13, “Hurricane!” Before Avis founded the ministry in Peru, she served multiple times in Honduras. When Hurricane Mitch hit that country, she believed God wanted her to bring supplies for its victims from her hometown in Arkansas. Tyson Foods lent her a semi-truck and driver, and Avis solicited enough donations to fill the entire truck.

Despite many obstacles, she traveled on a shrimp boat to reach Honduras with the supplies during the final stages of the hurricane. First, the shrimp boat captain didn’t want her to come, but she prayed and persisted until she was signed on as a crew member. Next, she became terribly ill from the wind and waves. For three days, she lay in a cabin, almost unable to move. But once she felt better, the first thing she did was to have a praise party right there on the deck of the ship. The crew laughed at her, but Avis didn’t care. She knew she had to worship the great God who protected her.

Linda: That’s fantastic, Marti. What a a great story! I’m sure some people are wondering about your role as a Marti Pieper“collaborative author.” Would you tell us a little about what this means and what your part was in writing Out of the Dust?

Marti: A collaborative writer is someone who writes books or other materials on behalf of others. The authors for whom I write often don’t have time or ability to write their own books. They’re usually busy running a ministry or traveling to speak. I love being the one who helps them put their messages or stories into print.

On a few of my book projects, I remain hidden—in other words, my name doesn’t appear on the cover. That’s called ghostwriting. But on this book and two others, my name is listed on the cover (“with Marti Pieper”), so I’m considered a collaborative writer.

Linda: Thank you so much, Marti, for telling us about Avis and her ministry. I pray that her story will encourage others to follow her example of faith. How can readers connect with Avis and with you?

Marti: They can connect with Avis through Facebook www.facebook.com/avis.goodhart or at her ministry’s website, www.go-yeministries.com. They can also see a video of Avis’s most recent appearance on 100 Huntley Street at: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Iz9jKnGiN4.

They can find me at my website, www.martipieper.com, on Facebook, www.facebook.com/marti.pieper, or on Twitter, www.twitter.com/MartiPieper. Thanks so much for this privilege, Linda!

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Filed Under: BOOKS, faith, health issues, How to win, Interviews, Knowing God, Praise, Sexual abuse, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Carried by Grace: a Guide for Mothers of Victims of Sexual Abuse, Interview with Author Debra Butterfield

June 3, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Debra Butterfield, Carried by GraceCarried by Grace—what a beautiful title for a book and what wonderful peace this phrase brings to mind, in sharp contrast to the devastating implications of the subtitle. When we experience heartbreak, the best gift God can give is to carry us with his amazing grace. Although I hope not many of you have had to deal with a child being sexually abused, Debra’s book has much to share about experiencing God’s grace during a period of crisis. And if you do know someone whose child has been sexually abused, be sure to let them know about this book. Debra Butterfield is nonfiction editor for CrossRiver Media Group and a freelance editor and writing coach. Debra’s book, Carried by Grace: a Guide for Mothers of Victims of Sexual Abuse released in April and is available in print and on Kindle.

Linda: This is a tough topic, Debra, but sadly, I’m sure it’s one a number of mothers have had to deal with. Could you tell us a little about how you came to write Carried by Grace?

Debra: One night in the midst of a family argument, my daughter threatened suicide and subsequently was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The next day my husband was arrested and charged with sexually abusing her. I was beyond devastated and felt so alone! I had a friend who encouraged me and was a prayer warrior for me, but there was no other mother who stepped forward and said “I’ve been where you are. Let me help.”

Because of the shame this crime carries with it, most people don’t want to admit it’s happened to them and ask for help. I wanted to provide a way for mothers to know they’re not alone, to help them know what to expect in their (and their child’s) journey to healing, and give them spiritual and practical steps to help.

Linda: What are two or three things you tell mothers to help them deal with this traumatic experience?

Debra: Keep your focus on Jesus and pray about everything.
Take care of yourself so you can stay physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.
Don’t try to do this alone. Utilize your support network.

The Need for Prayer Warriors

Linda: You mentioned your friend was a prayer warrior. Could you expound on that?

Debra: My biblical foundation for prayer warriors is Exodus 17:9-13. When the Israelites had gone to battle with the Amalekites, Moses, Aaron, and Hur stood on a hill nearby where they could view the battle. Moses prayed and whenever he held his hands up to the Lord, the Israelites prevailed in battle. When Moses dropped his hands, the Amalekites prevailed. Moses grew tired, so Aaron and Hur found a stone for Moses to sit on, and each stood on one side of Moses and supported his hands. And so Joshua and the Israelites defeated the Amalekites.

A crisis is not a time to be alone. Even Jesus during his night in the Garden of Gethsemane asked Peter and John to pray with him. When we face a crisis, we need others who will pray for us on a daily basis. Ideally you have two or three people of the same gender who know the exact circumstances you face. These people can then pray for and with you on a regular basis. They are there to offer a word of encouragement and strengthen you when your faith falters or when you’re depressed or tired and worn out from the battle.

Linda: What are the qualities of a good prayer warrior?

Debra: A good warrior needs to
• know the Bible well,
• understand the principles of prayer and spiritual warfare,
• be trustworthy, and
• be willing to commit time daily to pray for you and your family.

The Question of “Why?”

Linda: At some point in a crisis most people ask the question “Why has this happened?” Did you?

Debra: Most definitely! God is okay with us asking the question, but He doesn’t want us to get stuck there. Getting stuck opens the door to bitterness.

I believed Romans 8:28, and made the choice to trust God. I let go of asking Him why and started asking what He had for me to learn through the trial.

Over the years I’ve dug deeper into the “why?” dilemma, and God brought an answer from an unexpected place—mountaintop experiences.

At the time, I lived in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I had a magnificent, unobstructed view of Pikes Peak from the front deck of my house. When we’re at the top of the mountain, what a view! Miles and miles of God’s country to see. We’re separated from the noise and chaos of our daily lives and everything seems right with our little world. We never want to come down!

But living in a high altitude has its challenges. The air is thinner—fewer molecules of oxygen—so your body has to acclimate. In addition, very little grows on the mountaintop. The right conditions must exist for growth that aren’t there on top of that mountain.

I know it’s difficult for people to accept, but we grow and mature emotionally and spiritually through the difficulties we face in life. We find those conditions in the valley—our day-to-day lives—not on the mountaintop.

Imagine what would have happened to the Israelites if Moses had never come down from the mountain.

God has a purpose for us. He allows difficulties—a troubled marriage, a sick child, job loss—because He knows the ideal conditions needed for each of us as individuals to grow, learn, and accomplish His destiny for us.

Linda: If you could give someone only one piece of advice, what would that be?

Debra: That the true meaning of hope is to confidently expect.

In today’s society the word “hope” has become synonymous with “wish.” People say “I hope” but they have no true conviction or expectation that they’ll realize that hope.

The Bible is filled with promises from God and God is not a liar. If He lied, everything about His being would unravel. He would not be God, nor worthy of our faith and worship.

Trusting God is an act of faith. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary tells us faith is (1) confidence or trust in a person or thing; (2) belief that is not based on proof. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the confidence that what we expect to happen will happen.

Think of it this way. If you made a promise to someone and they said “I don’t believe you’ll keep your promise,” how would that make you feel?

When we have no hope in God and doubt His promises, we are insulting His character.

God is true to His word. We can trust Him. We can hope—confidently expect—Him to fulfill His promises, to answer our prayers, and to be in the midst of our troubles and help us through.

Linda: Where can people find the book?

Debra: Carried by Grace can be purchased from my publisher CrossRiver Media Group at http://www.crossrivermedia.com/bookstore/genres/non-fiction/carried-by-grace/ as well as the usual online bookstores. It’s also available on Kindle.

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Children, Grief, Interviews, Sexual abuse, spiritual warfare, Trusting God, Trying to understand Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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