Because He Created Us

August 21, 2023 by Leave a Comment

2009-2010 863Sometimes we feel we must earn the love we get

 SITTING ON THE PATIO, I watched my dog Katie as she settled down into a patch of sunshine on the lawn.  She lifted her head and sniffed at the air, then rested her chin on one paw and closed her eyes. With one ear drooping in characteristic fashion and the sun gleaming on her red coat, she looked wonderfully content.

As I studied her, just laying there, no care in the world, I thought about how she served no real purpose in life. She was a sweet dog, but what did her life accomplish?

She was a life created by God simply because He decided He would create a demure, mild-tempered, but slightly neurotic dog with one floppy ear and one upright ear, who loved sniffing out as many smells as she could. God created Katie because He delighted in doing so—and He enjoyed her because she was his creation, just as he enjoyed the other living things he created. They may serve no deep purpose in the world, but if not, they weren’t meant to. They simply exist because they are God’s creation, and God enjoys His creations.

God’s delight in what He created is evident beginning in Genesis where it says: “God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:25)

“It was good.”  God loves his creation.  Like the saying goes, “God doesn’t make no junk.”

As I continued watching Katie and contemplated this simple truth, I thought about myself and how I tend to feel that to be loved I must do something, I must perform, I must earn love.

And I realized this was just not true.

God loves us purely because we are His creation. God loves me simply because I am His. God loves you simply because YOU are His—not because of anything you have done or anything I have done or will do.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” God declares in Jeremiah 31: 3

And the Psalmist says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people” (Psalm 149:4)

Over and over in the scriptures, we read of God’s love for us—His delight in us—even when we fail Him, even when we’re weak.

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

I imagine many times you probably feel like I did—that you must earn love, that you are unworthy of love unless you do something significant.  If so, take a minute to bask in the sunshine of God’s unfailing and everlasting love. Turn your eyes to heaven, and your heart to the One who delights in you simply because you are His. Enjoy loving the true lover of your soul.

He doesn’t love us because we perform.  He doesn’t stop loving us when we do something wrong.  He just loves us.  We are his creation.

 

If you feel like you must “earn” love from those around you to feel valued–particularly from a spouse, I encourage you to check out my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It will become a friend to you that lifts your heart to God so you can wrap yourself in His unfailing and everlasting love.

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Filed Under: Feeling unworthy, Love, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? – Rising Above the Fear of Rejection – Interview with Author Gail Porter

July 18, 2023 by Leave a Comment

A woman standing straight and tall on top of a mountainBECAUSE THE PAIN and insecurities we experience in life often affect us in ways beyond our immediate understanding, many of us develop a fear of rejection that can hold us captive and keep us from enjoying meaningful relationships. In her book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? – Rising Above the Fear of Rejection Gail Porter openly addresses the issue of rejection by sharing her own story of escaping the shackles of the fear of rejection to embrace the freedom and joy of becoming the woman God created her to be.

Linda:  You had nice parents. They provided for you. They didn’t scream at you. They weren’t abusive physically, verbally, or sexually. But you still grew up with the fear of rejection. Can you tell us what was missing in your home and why this made you fear rejection?

Gail: Looking back on my childhood, I realize that neither of my parents knew how to create a loving emotional connection with my brother and me. It’s not that they didn’t love us; they didn’t know how to show love because neither of them had parents who expressed their emotions or their love to them.

I don’t remember their hugs or kisses while I was growing up. I can’t recall ever hearing, “I love you.” I would have cherished a hug when I bounded into the kitchen each morning. Or a kiss when I left for school. If I could have seen their smile or look of delight when I talked to them, I would have felt they treasured me as their child.

They could have created a sense of togetherness by asking my brother and me questions while we sat around the dinner table in the evenings. Typical questions, like “What did you learn at school today?” “What was one fun thing that happened today?” “Do you need any help with your schoolwork?” Those kinds of questions would have made us feel like they were interested in listening to us. I wish we could have laughed together, which would have helped bond us as a family.

In my adult life, I realized my mother and father didn’t know how to express their emotions to each other. I never learned to express my emotions either. I didn’t feel free to tell them when I was hurt, or disappointed, or afraid. I simply chose to become a well-behaved daughter, who didn’t make a fuss and had few demands. I didn’t identify this in my growing up years, but now I see I tried to be the person I thought they wanted me to be so they would love me and never reject me as their daughter.

Linda: How can the fear of rejection affect future relationships?

Gail: When you allow a fear of rejection to rule your life, you subconsciously hold back from expressing your thoughts and emotions. You stay aloof, even in adult relationships, because you don’t want people to know the real you.

I enjoyed meaningful relationships in college and during my career, and I loved those people as much as I could. However, now I see I didn’t emotionally engage with them. I couldn’t relax and simply be the person God created me to be. I was too concerned they might not accept what I said and did.

Linda: In your book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? you talk about fear of rejection causing you to build emotional walls of protection around yourself. Can this kind of behavior also affect your relationship with God? If so, can you tell us more about this?

Gail: Yes, it can, and I discovered that in a very unusual way. While attending a conference, the speaker talked about the invisible walls wePicture of author Gail Porter build to protect ourselves from possible rejection. For the first time, I realized that I purposely refrained from sharing much about myself, or my thoughts and ideas, because I feared people wouldn’t like me.

After that session, I went to my hotel room, I began talking with God about my inability to fully engage with people. During that time, I sensed God saying to me, “Gail, you have built walls to protect yourself from people, but you have also built a wall that keeps you at a distance from me.”

His words devastated me because I loved Him so much; yet, those words helped me realize the truth. I cried as I confessed my sin of not being open and honest with Him. From then on, our relationship grew deeper and more genuine. Our personal times together each morning became the highlight of my day.

Linda: Do you think some of us have a fear of rejection and don’t even know it?

Gail: I am solid proof that this is true. I had no idea that my home life was causing a fear of rejection to form inside of me. It took years for me to recognize that fear of rejection had motivated my responses and reactions to people and situations, and prevented me from saying yes to any new opportunities that I thought might lead to failure.

Linda: How does the fear of rejection cause us to live in “captivity,” as you call it?

Gail: I like the term “captivity.” We convince ourselves that by hiding who we are, we are safe from the rejections of others. In reality, we isolate ourselves and live a life of deception.

We don’t want to risk saying what we’re thinking, sometimes even to our best friends.  Fear hampers our relaxed and free interaction because we’re concerned that what we say may not be acceptable. For me, staying in my emotional hiding place made me feel safe from rejection, but that decision caused me to miss many wonderful opportunities that would have expanded my life and built my confidence.

Linda: How can a person release the fear of rejection and find freedom?

Gail: First of all, they need to be willing to let go of the emotional defenses they’ve built.

In my book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? I list the common ones:

  • Seeking love and acceptance
  • Building a wall
  • Wearing an invisible mask
  • Creating a persona
  • Striving for perfection

It’s difficult to release our defenses, because we’ve always relied on them. But we need to recognize our isolation is something that has prevented us from spending time with people who could have encouraged us and given us strength to live our lives as our authentic selves.

My decision to come out of my hiding place came when I finally admitted I no longer wanted to exist as the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be. In my heart, I longed to be the real person God created me to be.

We all need to remember that the enemy wants to keep us bound to our fear; but God wants to set us free. He will be delighted when we tell him, “I want to exchange my life of fear for a life of freedom.” He will lead us to the path where we can be free to be our authentic self.

Galatians 5:1 is a wonderful verse to memorize. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”  

Linda: I know you have a new book that just came out that is a follow up to this one. Could you tell us briefly how it adds to what you’ve written in Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? 

Gail: My new book, Living on the Path of Freedom: Leaving Fear of Rejection Behind, shows readers what life can look like if they choose to release their fear of rejection and walk on the path of freedom. Their new freedom will build gradually as they uncover characteristics of their authentic self. Instead of hiding, they will experience a desire to engage with others and a willingness to show who they are inside. By opening themselves to others and becoming the person God created them to be, they are able to live an authentic life. An important part of this book chronicles the experiences of ten real life people who were able to escape gripping rejection in their past and present lives to find hope, healing, and a life of freedom.  

Linda: Where can people find your book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? and learn more about you?

Gail: People can find my book on Amazon at https://gailporterauthor.com/Amazon-rejection-book  I also invite your audience to visit my website at gailporterauthor.com/

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Fear, Feeling unworthy, friendship, How to win, Interviews, Lonliness, Rejection, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose – Interview with Author & Mental Health Counselor, Tina Yeager

March 14, 2023 by Leave a Comment

A bouquet of roses with a tag that says, "Upcycled"WHEN WE FEEL lonely and disconnected, it can be hard to find connection again. Author and mental health counselor, Tina Yeager offers us a creative answer to find our way back into community. In her new book, Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose, Tina urges readers to revaluate their imperfections as opportunities for God’s upcycling artwork.

Linda: What inspired you to write Upcycled?

Tina: On a prayerful walk through a park with the Lord, I felt concerned about the way so many of us have grown disconnected from one another. I asked God what might draw us back into relationships and experience healing together. Images of upcycled crafts came to mind as ways to tangibly work through restoration while gathering together around a shared project.

Linda: I sense an analogy here. How would you define the word Upcycled? And how does that relate to relationships and people?

Tina: Webster’s definition of upcycle is “to recycle (something) in such a way that the resulting product is of a higher value than the original item : to create an object of greater value from (a discarded object of lesser value).” Our Creator, the Ultimate Upcycler, redeems us from our brokenness and frailty and makes us better than new. As new creations in Christ, we have the fresh purpose of living out his will empowered by the character and gifts of the Holy Spirit. If we choose to submit ourselves to living in alignment with this renewed identity, we can love others with divine grace and purity. Guardedness no longer impedes our intimacy. Self-interest no longer blinds us from seeing others’ needs and ministering to them.

Linda: What is your book, Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose, about? 

Tina:  Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose takes readers on an interactive journey to discover how God reinvents rusty and flawed folks like us into cherished masterpieces who glorify him daily. Each chapter includes a gift or décor project which illustrates one of the ways the Great Artist remakes us to serve a beautiful purpose. Readers will encounter the loving craftsmanship of a Savior who makes all things new. The projects will serve as tangible reminders and opportunities to share hope of renewal with the world.

Linda: You talk about loneliness and people being disconnected.  How would you describe the issues of loneliness in today’s culture?

Tina: Online work and social connections have replaced in-person fellowship as the new normal. It takes less time to respond to a post or text message than to have a conversation. Families even text one another when at home together. People who do share a table for a meal spend more time scrolling on their devices than conversing with those seated around them. Instead of increasing our spare time, the urgency of online connection demands more of our attention. We’ve grown so comfortable living through our virtual avatars, we now find it challenging to engage in authentic, personal communication.

Linda: Why is this, Tina? Since you’re a mental health counselor, why do you think our reliance on technology has hurt our personal communication and perhaps even our emotional health)?

Tina: Face-to-face conversations can prove risky. Messy. Awkward.

Yet well-being depends upon human contact, not just digital communication. The Creator declared as good all the things he made, but cited one critical exception. “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18, NIV). Elohim, a relational and triune God, created us for relationship. He did not design us to exist in emotional, spiritual, or physical isolation.

Science supports this ancient scriptural truth. The National Institute of Health “has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death.”

Our physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness require us to connect and engage in person. We need to upcycle our broken fellowship practices.

Linda: Has isolation affected marriage relationships?

Tina; The practice of disengaging socially seeped into our most intimate relationships. Couples busy themselves with projects to consume the time which might have required them to face hard conversations or express painful emotions. Spouses gaze at screens during meals instead of making eye contact. They focus on digital content during shared travel rides instead of engaging with one another’s hearts. When bored or stressed, our first remedy is to find a game or other escape online.

But these solutions cause more neurological harm than benefit. The dopamine response to digital activity operates in a similar way to chemical addictions and ensuing compulsions as well as dopamine crashes and increased anxiety can result from dependence upon online engagement.

God offers us the gift of human relationship as a superior remedy to our stress and need for engagement. When centered in faith, our marriages can serve as ways to relieve anxiety and stress without the side effects caused by digital overexposure. We can renew together those places in our hearts that decay when neglected.

Linda: How can craft projects help us heal and grow?

Tina: To begin with, human beings learn best by doing. Experiences move learning across that immense space from mind to heart. Tangible projects root our growth into our hearts at a deeper level.

Also, we heal by connecting with the Spirit wrapped in the skin of our believer-friends. Renewal and growth occur in community. And relationships are based upon play. As we laugh and play together in art projects, our hearts draw closer to one another.

Linda: How does your book, Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose, help draw people into relationship?

Tina: The crafts included in each chapter can gather people into fellowship circles. Even those reluctant to join discussion groups might feel more comfortable connecting with others for a project-centered meeting. The message of inner renewal transforms readers into vessels of loving grace. The book also provides lists of mission opportunities, through which families or groups can share the message by donating the projects. Ministering to others bonds those working together. We also experience heightened growth through the messages we’ve learned and shared. This Christ-designed discipleship model also strengthens our connections with those who share our faith journey.

Linda:  How might couples, families, or groups increase the growth and blessings they experience together?

Tina: We fulfill our spiritual growth by sharing the blessings we received with others who need hope.

Paul describes those to whom he writes his messages as “my joy and crown” (Philippians 4:1, NIV). Paul encountered Christ in a tremendous upcycling moment on the road to Damascus. While still bearing his original name, Saul of Tarsus, he persecuted followers of Jesus. The Lord whitewashed his eyes with blindness and its cure, then proceeded to reinvent him as Paul, an evangelist of redemption. As profound as the physical and spiritual renovation, fulfillment of his purpose was completed as he conveyed his blessings to others.

When we pour out the renewing truth God shares with us, our inflow of joy increases. With each craft, I suggest mission opportunities through which participants can donate the projects to hurting souls. Examples include domestic violence shelters, veteran organizations, or homeless ministries. Sharing the evidence of grace completes our renewal.

Linda: Does our brokenness prevent us from fulfilling our purpose?

Tina: In scripture and today, God chooses flawed individuals to join him in the work of renovating the world. Jesus Christ was the only perfect individual to walk the earth, so everyone else would be eliminated if God only chose the immaculate to serve. The Lord recognizes our marred past and splintered present when he calls us. As the Ultimate Salvager, he sees beyond our battered state and envisions our potential after the redesigning power of the Spirit transforms us. He makes all things better than new. Even worn and chippy folks like us.

Linda: I understand you have a gift for readers. Can you tell us about it?

Tina: Readers can download a free Upcycled inspirational flip book template at upcycledbook.com. You’ll get step-by-step instructions to make a giftable, weekly inspirational flip book from old greeting cards. The pages are downloadable and printable.

Linda: Where can people connect with you and get a copy of Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose?

Tina: Visit my website, https://tinayeager.com to access craft videos and Flourish-Meant podcast episodes. You can also book life-coaching sessions or hire me as a speaker for your next event. Check out my YouTube channel for additional videos and content at https://www.youtube.com/c/TinaYeager. Feel free to follow me on Instagram or Facebook.  Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose is available on Amazon and at Bold Vision Books.

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Feeling unworthy, friendship, health issues, Interviews, Lonliness, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Can You See Me Now? Interview with Author Cheri Strange

October 12, 2022 by Leave a Comment

Shadowy figure in the background and the words, "Can You See Me Now?"IF YOU EVER feel invisible, ignored, and overlooked as though you blend in with the wallpaper when you’re with a group of people, the loneliness you feel can be overwhelming. Author Cheri Strange knows this feeling herself and wants to help you rediscover your true value. Her new book, Can You See Me, Now? Good news for the lonely, left out, and less than may provide a path to new hope and renewal for anyone in this situation. As a national speaker and visionary of She Yearns Ministries and her popular YouVersion Bible reading plans, Cheri has already successfully helped many women redefine their worth.

Linda: Why did you write this book?

Cheri: The initial reason for writing this book lies with my own history. This is my story: a place of pain and how God delivered me through it while my circumstances did not change. It wasn’t long before I noticed the same familiar pain points showing up in the lives of my daughters. I have six daughters originating from three different continents and cultures. My thought was to privately offer them encouragement and biblical guidance when facing these issues.

It wasn’t long before I recognized the issues were more widespread. No longer was it just me, and my daughters, but half the population. Experts estimate we are the loneliest society on record in the last fifty years. A large majority have felt left out or always feel that way. What these realities illuminate is that most women have come to know the sting of not being missed and would like it to be different. This 75-day journey equips a woman familiar with loneliness and being passed over to understand her value and enables her to experience the personal change necessary for becoming seen even if or when her circumstances remain the same. 

Linda: Who is your book written for?

Cheri: Can You See Me, Now? is for any woman who has ever been left out of the group, felt alone, or insignificant, and it offers a biblical path forward. It’s a 75-day journey toward genuine transformation with a guide and a personal plan to help you experience it.

Linda: Since this subject is so personal, I imagine it required a certain amount of vulnerability. What was the most difficult part of writing Can You See Me Now?

Cheri: The greatest challenge I faced in crafting Can You See Me, Now? was writing the beginning. It comes from such a private place of pain, getting it out in words ushered in all sorts of emotions, but this personal element wasn’t always there. In fact, the first time I submitted the manuscript, I did not utilize my own experiences. The criticism I received was the absence of a personal touch, or soul, which was intentional. Who wants to tell their inner struggles to strangers? Not me.

Rather than write the revealing, I filed it in a drawer. But when the world shut down in 2020, I had time to reconsider and pray. Yes. The message was incomplete without my journey infused. Oh, it’s not what we would consider traumatic. It’s just my ordinary experiences. And that, I realized, was the missing centerpiece. As I wrote, the emotions turned from regurgitating the pain, the failures, and the missteps to thanksgiving for the transformation in my own life that can be the reader’s as well. The path toward becoming seen is not limited to where we originate or even where we are today, but is cultivated through the Word of God, one day at a time.

Linda: I know that must be a blessing to your readers. Why did you choose to format Can You See Me Now into daily readings?

Cheri: Can You See Me, Now? leans toward being more devotional in style and pacing, divided into 75-daily readings that should take only a few minutes to read. That structure and design is on purpose. I have been writing for YouVersion, the Bible app, for several years. My readership largely develops from what is available on the app, and I have found this style and genre to be my sweet spot. I enjoy providing thematic Bible reading plans, utilizing Scripture to investigate a common theme. These are written in doable chunks for busy women with an invitation to make it personal, each day. This style of writing allows me to help make the teachings of the Bible and the whole of Christianity accessible to this generation. For me, there is no higher calling.

Linda: What would you say to the woman who is experiencing the life you describe to encourage her when she feels unseen and Picture of author Cheri Strangealone?

Cheri: This book is my best effort to answer this question without all the mistakes and missteps I took across so many years. The one thing I did right was call out to the God I wasn’t even sure loved me as an individual. I would suggest that God’s desire for your life is not to blend into the wallpaper or feel worthless. Start learning how God sees you and what He desires for your life. Let Him transform you one day at a time and even if your circumstances do not change, you can. And that makes all the difference.

Linda: What do you hope the reader will take away from your book, Can You See Me Now?

Cheri: It is my hope that the reader gets the sense that she is not alone in her loneliness. But comradery in our places of pain is not enough to draw us out of it or make us different. This journey means to illuminate how God sees her, how He can heal her, re-calibrate her, if needed, and draw her toward becoming who He created her to be. My desire is that she learns not to stop seeking, to ask God to fill her emptiness, to be willing to fail forward, and to make room in her life for becoming visible. If she internalizes these gleanings, she can work her plan for leaving the shadows and the lingering loneliness to become seen for all the right reasons in all the right ways.

Linda: What a hopeful message. But, Cheri, you haven’t always been a writer. What motivated you to do what you are doing? 

Cheri: If my life were left up to me and my desires, I would be somewhere on a back row content in obscurity, teaching history at high school. But that was not God’s plan. I feel like the prophet Amos who, when questioned about why he was doing what he was doing said, “I was neither a prophet nor a prophet’s son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of sycamore fig trees. But the LORD took me from tending the flock and said to me, ‘Go…’” (Amos 7:14-15) More than anything, my motivation for speaking, teaching, and writing is derived from the path marked out for me by the Lord. I did not choose it, nor did I desire it. I had another career, altogether. But this responsibility is obedience for me.

Linda: I assume that as a wife of thirty years you’ve had your challenges. What have you learned that you would want to share with a newly married couple?

Cheri: Chad and I entered marriage knowing full well it could end badly if we did not work on it. And the statistics are worse for those pursuing graduate school, which both of us completed. We intentionally set up safeguards, like restricting contact with old flames no matter how small the flicker had been. There would be no lunches or dinners with the opposite sex who is not family, and no going to bed without working out the problem or difficulty between us. We also sought out advice for finances and parenting. Still, the best thing we did for our marriage was establish our own daily walking with the Lord. Although we have hurt each other deeply, not behaving the way we should, this practice, alone, has allowed us to find common ground when our opinions differed, to seek forgiveness when we hurt the other, and love with the other in mind.

Linda: You’ve had some unique challenges as well. Please tell us some of the challenges you’ve experienced by adopting internationally three times?

Cheri: Nothing prepared us for the years spent building our family through international adoption, or beyond. In six years, we added six children. Five did not speak English, and one is special needs. All experienced trauma early in life with the scars to prove it. It’s not for the faint of heart or the bleeding heart who wants to save the world. It’s kingdom work, against heavenly forces and cannot be overcome short of long stents on your knees. What has enabled our family to grow together rather than become fractured is not our brilliant parenting or that we somehow lucked out with an awesome set of kids. We are a collection of sinners, just like any other family. God alone knows how to love those entrusted to us, and it has been our priority to learn from Him how and what to do, to seek counsel as needed, and to leave our egos at the proverbial curb.

Linda: What project are you looking forward to in the future?

Cheri: I am working on another non-fiction piece that offers a message of hope for the woman who is drinking from a spiritual well, yet remains thirsty for more—of what, she doesn’t know. It answers the question, what if all these needs, these desires, and the debilitating deficits were God-given so that we might find our satisfaction, and fulfillment in Him? Filled with captivating stories, biblical insights, thirst-quenching recipes and other practical resources, the reader will discover how her deepest needs can be fulfilled in Christ.

Linda: Where can people find out more about your book, Can You See Me Now as well as your ministry?

Cheri: You can find my book  Can You See Me, Now? from Bold Vision Books on Amazon, as well as my Bible study, Life Principles for Living Out the Greatest Commandment, from AMG. You can find more about me and my ministry on my website www.sheyearns.com, on the YouVersion app, or Instagram.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Feeling unworthy, How to win, Interviews, Lonliness, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective – Author Interview with Lisa Gray

May 30, 2022 by Leave a Comment

A yellow bookcover with the picture of a mother and childWITH WHAT’S BEEN happening in our country this last week, our hearts and minds have been taken captive by thoughts about our children and the horror some of them had to endure at the hands of a heartless and cruel individual. But our hearts also go out to the parents and the pain they’ve experienced as they try to comprehend the incomprehensible awfulness of what happened.

There’s another horror story some children endure and other mothers who are gripped with pain in the discovery. In Lisa Gray’s book, They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective, Lisa broaches a subject that is difficult to talk about, but she shares it from the vulnerability of a mother who has experienced the pain but discovered the healing.

Linda: Lisa, I know this is a dark subject, but I believe you’ve told me the book is not about darkness, but about hope. Please tell me what you mean by that.

Lisa: I believe we need to always be reminded that even in the darkest of situations, there’s always hope because we serve the God of Hope!

Linda: So now that we’ve given away the ending – that there is hope—tell me what They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective is about.

Lisa: A mother’s heart, a heart that has been broken, shattered, stomped upon, torn apart and left in utter disarray.  The revelation of knowing your child has been violated by those who were “supposed” to care and nurture them is unlike any other pain I’ve ever experienced in my life!

Linda: So please tell us why you decided to write They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective

Lisa: I felt the Lord wanted me to share my story, my journey back to health and wholeness for myself and my family. The book is meant for those who like me felt so alone, so isolated AND felt guilt and shame!  I was supposed to provide safety, protection, and security.  That was not my daughter’s experience.

I have to say I listen to Bishop T D Jakes a great deal, and I remember thinking to myself, “Why does he always talk about sexual abuse?”  I know it happens.  My head is not buried in the sand, but does it really happen THAT much?  I mean does it happen enough to warrant him continually talking about it ad nausea?  Well give me a chance now, and boy oh boy have I changed my story!  Today I say. “Bishop preach!”  Linda, today I understand that while I was thinking those very thoughts, I never knew that sexual abuse was happening in my own house, under my own roof, to My own daughter.

Linda: That’s heartbreaking, Lisa. Tell us how you were able to deal with it?

Lisa: Well let me assure you, it was not easy.  It was a process that took time, prayer, and—if I can be honest—I’ll admit there was some self-pity, Lisa Gray, authorsome self-loathing, and many questions of why and how could this happen.  I’m a good person, I love the Lord, this is not supposed to happen to Christians like us.

Linda, many times I had to fight the enemy in my mind…which is why the Lord tells us in scripture to take every thought captive…not to just sit in it, not to soak in the negativity but to fight.

There were days where I would fight with worship music, there were days when I would fight with scripture, there were days when I would fight with scriptures.  I would put scriptures all around me to remind me that God was faithful.  There were sticky notes on my refrigerator, my bathroom mirror, my car review mirror…because the assault against my mind was unrelenting, but only for a season.

I can say my family and my church family rallied around us also and supported us greatly through that season.

Because God is the same yesterday, today and forever we can stand on his word, and he will and does bring us through!

Linda: Lisa, that is such a powerful reminder of how to persevere through difficult times. Yes, God is faithful! What do you want readers to take away from your message in your book, They Don’t Tell?

Lisa: Linda if there’s anything I’d like for your listeners and my readers to know, I want to remind them that the enemy comes after our faith, and our resolve to judge the Lord faithful…even in the storms of life.  He really wanted me and others to walk away from the Lord and curse the Lord because of the trial and the storm.  I would never do that.  I understood that our LORD is faithful through every trial, every storm. And I understood my children, my family, my church family, even the community was looking to see how I was going to handle this.  Instead of running from God and to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, food, whatever vice we use as false refuge, when the Bible clearly tells us the Lord is our strong tower, we run to him and are safe!

Run to him, Run to the throne of grace and plead for Mercy, judge the Lord faithful throughout all the circumstances. His mercies are new every morning, for you and your family!

Linda: After this terrible incident of child abuse happened to you and your daughter, where are you now in life? And how is your daughter?

Lisa Gray and DaughterLisa: This is myself and my daughter Nikki now—after the storm, after the hurt, after the trauma, after the healing, and after restoration has taken place in both of our lives.  We are better, stronger, more resilient, and determined that what we went through others can go through as well and survive!​  We walked this out together, and now are compelled to open up our lives and hold our heads high because like any of you who’ve experienced this—we have nothing to be ashamed of!

Linda: Has this experience of dealing with child abuse taught you anything new or transformed your thinking in any way?

Lisa: The Lord has taken me into a new area for me, one I never truly understood, but now I do.  Generational curses.  Although we don’t realize it, we actually have understood them along certain areas of our lives because every time we go into a medical facility they want a breakdown of our medical history.  Well, Linda, hidden in those familiar medical patterns are the generational iniquities that have been repeating throughout our generations.  Now I work with individuals and families to uncover, and uproot those patterns—of cancer, heart disease, brokenness, sexual immorality, etc.  My website is :  Bloodline Curse Breakers.com.  I can also be reached through email at kidsdonttell@gmail.com or by phone at 1 (202) 810-5687.

Linda: Do you have any final thoughts to share:

Lisa: Yes, this was a HORRIBLE situation, but when we give it to God, trust him, lean on and into him through the process, he will turn it around for our good.  His word cannot return to him void, and what the enemy meant for bad, God turns it around for our good.

Now I get the opportunity and the honor to share God’s word and his redemption all around the world.  My daughter is well and flourishing, and my ex-husband is serving a prison term of 15-40 years for the violation.

Linda: Where can people find your book, They Don’t Tell: Child Abuse: A Mother’s Perspective?

Lisa: The best place to find the book is on Amazon or they can reach out to me at the above email. You can also find out more about me and my book on my website at bloodline cursebreaker – Author counsellor speaker

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Filed Under: Abuse, BOOKS, Children, comfort, Feeling unworthy, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Pain, Sexual abuse, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

You Are Beautiful

May 10, 2022 by 1 Comment
Beautiful sunset

Photo by Al Quino

SITTING ON THE DOCK of a lake one late afternoon, I was captivated by the sight of an exquisite sunset.  The colors melting into one another to illuminate the sky stirred the lonely places of my heart. My husband had left several months earlier. Now we were separated, and I had no idea whether we would ever be together again.

Although clouds had enveloped my soul moments before because of my circumstances, I now found myself praising God, thanking Him for this beautiful sunset and the opportunity for me to see it.

“But what if you didn’t see it?  Would the sunset still be as beautiful?” I felt the Spirit of God asking me.

“Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And what if no one saw this sunset, would it still be just as beautiful?” “Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And if I make a person beautiful, but no one loves them, are they still beautiful?”  God’s Spirit inquired.

“Yes” I said, “they would still be beautiful.”

“I made you beautiful…and I love you.  So if your husband does not see your beauty, does that mean you are not beautiful?  If he does not love you, does that mean you are not loved?”

“No,” I whispered.  “I do not need anyone else to love me or think I am beautiful.  You are enough, Lord. If you love me and think I am beautiful, then that is enough.’

“I loved you enough to die for you,” He said.  “I created you to be the unique person that you are.  You are beautiful.  I love you.”

At that I bowed my head in praise and worshipped Him in love.

Excerpted from Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation by Linda W. Rooks

If you need more hope and encouragement, you may find the hope you’re looking for in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. When facing the turmoil of a troublesome marriage, sometimes what we need most is a touch from God’s Spirit on our life so we can become stronger and more secure as we face each day.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Divorce, faith, Fear, Feeling unworthy, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Knowing God, Lonliness, Love, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Pain, Praise, Rejection, Uncategorized, Waiting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Finding True Love on Valentine’s Day

February 2, 2022 by 2 Comments

FEBRUARY IS HERE. And so are thoughts about Valentine’s Day. Hearts and flowers decorate the stores. Heart-shaped boxes of chocolates greet us on our way in to shop for groceries. It’s the month of love.

It’s a happy time for some people. But for others, the coming of Valentine’s Day just magnifies the pain tugging at their hearts.  Focusing on “love” is the last thing they want to do.A purple heart says "love me" and pink flowers are nearby

If this is you, and your heart sinks with melancholy when you think about Valentine’s Day, turn your heart in another direction, where true love is encased in a reality beyond what you have ever known or will ever know in this world. If you do, the sorrow and disillusionment of Valentine’s Day may actually open your eyes to the most loving relationship you have ever known. Yes, you might find hope in an unexpected place.

If we look up instead of inward, if we chase away those fears of rejection by earthly lovers and instead embrace the true lover of our souls, we will rise above the failures and pain and begin to understand the true nature of love.

The author of love stands ready to enfold us in His arms. He is always ready to give and receive our love. And he will never leave us. His is the pure, unconditional love we long for, but will never find on this earth among fallen humankind.

Who else would pursue us through eternity to give us life by subjecting Himself to death?  Who else is so intent on giving us joy that He would take intense sorrow and pain upon Himself so we can enter into the wonder of an eternity with Him?  And our eternity can begin now in a loving relationship with Him as we trust Him and lean on Him and take His word into our hearts.

Paul pleads for us to understand this in his book to the Ephesians when he says:  “I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”  (Ephesians 3:17-19 Living Bible)

Cling now to these words. Fill your minds up with this incredible truth. Open your heart to Paul’s prayer and accept God’s wondrous love that is meant for YOU.

“How long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is!”  How amazing!  How incomprehensible. Can you wrap your minds around it?  This Valentine’s Day meditate on these words.  Let God’s love embrace you. As I’ve heard my grandchildren say, It may be “the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

If your heart is hurting and Valentine’s Day just seems like one more painful thing to take in, the heart-warming words of my book, Broken Heart on Hold, may bring you the peace and loving God-connection you’re looking for.

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In Appreciation of Dads Who Persevere

June 20, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Father cuddlilng his sonTHIS FATHER’S DAY I want to recognize a particular group of dads who may approach the day with a bit of apprehension.

These are dads I sometimes get emails from who are persevering even in the midst of separation or divorce. Their wives have left or asked them to leave, and the pain of being separated not only from their wife but their children is tearing them apart.

In some situations, of course, the wife has had a good reason for her actions, but whether this is true in his particular case or not, the man I pay tribute to today has taken this to God, understands how he has erred, sought forgiveness, and is taking the necessary steps to become the man God created him to be. In the meantime, while he tries to rebuild trust with his wife, he is attempting to be a good dad to his children.

Dads who are separated or divorced have an especially difficult task, and I say kudos to those who keep their promises, make the effort to be a part of their children’s lives, show up for baseball games and dance recitals, is respectful of their mother in spite of the situation, and tries to maintain consistency in their child’s life while the child is shuffled between two different households.

Being a good dad is important to him. While he is aware of his failures, he wants with all his heart to be a good dad. He wants his children to be proud of him and know that he loves them. He doesn’t want to disappoint them. He wants to overcome the challenges.

So instead of criticizing his wife, he is humble and honest about his own shortcomings as God reveals them to him. He doesn’t try to drive a wedge between the children and their mother and prays with the children that God will use these adverse circumstances to bring good into their lives according to Romans 8:28, which says, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” And without expectations from his wife, he continues to take appropriate responsibility in the home.

These are dads who are doing everything they can to let God change them into the men He created them to be, who step up to their role as fathers and become stronger men in the process, showing their children how to handle life’s challenges and failures. By seeking God and looking to Him for guidance, by humbly admitting mistakes, and honestly confronting their issues without blaming and being defensive, they become an example to their children of humble, honest, and godly manhood.

So this Father’s Day, I want to say thanks to the dad who rises up to become the man, the dad, and the husband God has called him to be, putting behind him the insecurities and failures of the past and pressing on to follow God and to be an example to his children of the power of God’s redemption.

If you’re a man who wants to fight for his family and his marriage, let me help you on this journey through my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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Filed Under: Children, Divorce, Fathers, Feeling unworthy, How to win, loss, Marital separation, men & women, parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Single Dad Detour – Author Interview with Tez Brooks

April 22, 2021 by Leave a Comment

cover of book "The Single Dad Detour"IF YOU’RE A DAD in a broken marriage and marital reconciliation looks more and more remote, my interview with my friend Tez Brooks will be especially meaningful and, perhaps, a life-changer. In his award-winning book, The Single Dad Detour, Tez Brooks provides wise guidance laced with humor to help divorced and separated dads navigate through difficult circumstances in parenting. I’m hoping Tez’s experience and insights will offer answers to many of the questions men commonly ask in their emails to me. A review of the book by author Rick James says, “If I were a single parent on this journey, I’d want Tez’s comforting voice on my GPS. It’s a warm and understanding voice that’s traveled the back roads and knows where it’s going.” Recently, Tez received the Book of the Decade award from Serious Writer.

Linda: Tez, tell our readers a little about yourself and your journey.

 Tez: Sure. Well, I made a decision to follow Christ when I was 6, felt a call to ministry at 18 and went to Bible College. I was a 22-year-old youth pastor when I married a girl from my hometown. During our 10-year marriage we had two children who are now adults.

But there were a lot of hidden issues we were dealing with as a couple. I had abuse in my background and was a bit of a control freak. I could be a real jerk sometimes. My wife had undiagnosed bi-polar disorder and some other mental health issues that we didn’t know were affecting our marriage. I thought that’s just what marriage was supposed to be—a roller coaster.

On top of that, she was chronically unfaithful and although I saw evidence of this while we were dating, I figured a wedding ring would solve this. I was young and naïve and didn’t have any older men speaking into my life who might have warned me. I took her back several times but eventually, her unfaithfulness led to a divorce.

That’s not what I wanted for us. I continued to make attempts to salvage our marriage. Counseling, marriage conferences, books, prayer, fasting—everything. Even after the divorce I was open to reconciliation. I believed with the Lord we could work through anything. But at the time, only one of us was walking with God. And honestly, you can’t force someone to love you.

We shared custody of our son and daughter. Sometimes they lived with me, other times they were with my ex. It was a lonely depressing time for me. The kids experienced a lot of loss too. In all, the kids lived with me full-time for about 3 years. As you’ve heard, no one wins. Divorce is a lose/lose situation.

After being divorced 7 years, I met and married my lovely wife Christine and we’ve had 2 more girls. It’s such a joy to raise children with a godly woman who loves me and shares the same values as a parent.

 Linda: Your book, The Single Dad Detour was a winner for the 2016 Royal Palm Literary Award. Although your book has a Christian worldview, this was a secular competition. Obviously they saw your book contained some unique insight and encouragement for any audience. How is that?

 Tez: Maybe it’s because I didn’t try to get too deep or theological? I’m not sure. I talk a lot about the importance of having a personal relationship with God in order to effectively parent your child through a broken family situation. But if you know me, I just don’t get in people’s faces as a Bible-thumper. Sharing my faith is a more natural, relational thing with me. Perhaps the judges sensed this? I’m just thankful they acknowledged a religious book. I’m chalking it up to God’s grace.

It was certainly an honor to receive such a prestigious award and recently another award from Serious Writer. I’m blown away by how God is using the book to minister to single parents around the world. I currently have 2 single dads I’m mentoring solely because they heard about the book and contacted me.

A counselor I know gives copies to parents who are having marriage trouble. In Singapore, Teen Challenge uses it as a resource for single dads coming through their addiction recovery program to help them learn how to be better fathers. But actually more women buy the book than men. Mothers get it for their divorced sons. Women give copies to their boyfriends who have kids. I’m humbled by every story I hear.

 Linda: You’ve said it was difficult to write it because of the memories that surfaced. What led you to write it to begin with?

Tez: I really struggled. I’d been re-married several years and had moved so far past that season of darkness. I didn’t want to re-visit some memories.

But the Lord started giving me compassion for single dads, and I remembered how there just wasn’t anything out there for me when I was going through it. Especially books with a Christian worldview. What was available was too preachy for me. So I wrote something that would encourage guys with a little humor and offer some practical advice and action points.

 Linda: Many men build their lives on the idea that a wife, kids and a house equals success. When that crumbles down, where can they find their identity?

 Tez: That’s a great question because our identity needs to be grounded in Christ to begin with. If that’s not there when tragedy strikes, we’re in trouble. That’s where I found myself. I was a Christian but I didn’t really understand my identity as a child of God. I thought the American dream was where my self worth was. When that disappeared I was suddenly a man in my 30s with no real value to anyone. At least that’s what I believed.

I embraced the world’s view of who and what I was. In essence I allowed the world to place a price tag on my forehead. Suddenly that tag was marked down 95% and I was thrown in the bargain bin.

It can take a long time for the message of Christ to get from our heads down to our hearts. That’s what needed to happen with me. Thankfully the Holy Spirit began a work to reveal the value God placed on me. It was vital to my healing.

Linda: You’ve been happily married to Christine for 15 years now. But what about the single dad reading your book who is believing for a marital reconciliation? Do you support that?

Tez: Absolutely. God hates divorce and he desires for us to honor and keep those wedding vows of “…till death do us part.” I commend and respect couples like you and Marv who are able to work through some very heart-wrenching issues and preserve a marriage after long periods of painful separation. Some of these couples even re-marry one another…so even a divorce is not necessarily final. That’s what I want readers to hear.

In chapter 3 of The Single Dad Detour I mention the importance of attempting to restore your marriage. Divorce should always be a last resort. But I also know every couple has different situations. Not all marriages are in trouble because of unfaithfulness or desertion. And even for those marriages that are, the spouse who desires a reconciliation might be the very one who sinned but is now repentant.

Whatever the story, some folks don’t get the luxury of having a spouse who agrees that the marriage must be saved. So you may be all alone in hoping for marital restoration. But God is still there. He was for me.

When it became obvious my marriage was irreconcilable, I was swallowed up by an even darker shadow. Because I thought scripture wouldn’t allow me to marry again. I prepared to spend the rest of my life single.

While I was embracing some very cool opportunities to serve the Lord in ways only a single could, I still struggled as a man in my 30s, knowing loneliness and sexual temptation would always be part of my life.

It took a brave pastor to walk me through some scripture passages and show me I was free to remarry. Even after that, I was suspicious and didn’t trust women in general. I watched Christine for a year before I decided to court her.

It was scary for me but I’ve never dreamed marriage could be so fulfilling. Does this make me pro-divorce/remarriage? No. But life is messy. You don’t always get what you expected or planned for. And watching God redeem your life in spite of bad decisions is an amazing thing to experience.

Linda: What is one thing you want men to get from reading The Single Dad Detour?

Tez: I want readers to walk away encouraged to keep going. Whether God restores your marriage or not, he is coming alongside you in that journey. I want to challenge dads to step up to the plate in their parenting, while still trying to save the marriage if they can.

Outcomes are not always under our control, yet there is still hope for an abundant life if the marriage dissolves permanently. If men can celebrate what they’re doing right, while still leaning desperately on the Savior for hope, it will make the road they’re navigating much easier.

Linda: Where can people learn more about you and your book, The Single Dad Detour?

Tez: They can learn more me and The Single Dad Detour at www.everysingledad.com, on Facebook (everysingledad) or Twitter (tezd63) and they can also find the book on Amazon.

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Children, Divorce, Fathers, Feeling unworthy, Hope, Infidelity, Interviews, marriage, New Directions, parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

More about Unwrapping the New You

March 15, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Niclas Gustafsson

A TIME OF WAITING, a time of uncertainty causes us to look for new answers to life.  Part of that is to discover more about who we are and who we want to be.

Some of that self-discovery is inward as we look to God to help us make changes. But some of it might take an outward focus too as we navigate through relationship challenges.

If you are reading my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, the chapter “Unwrapping the New You” holds some important truths about experiencing the joy of becoming the person God created you to be. In this post, I want to add additional strategies for those of you fighting for your marriage as you go through this period of change. God created us as physical beings, and along with the deeper changes we are making, there are practical ones as well that can contribute to finding victory at the other end of this journey.

Changing Things Up 

We humans seem to be wired to enjoy change every now and then. We go along with things a certain way and then want to spice things up. That can apply to our marriages too, particularly a marriage that has gone stale or veered off course into brokenness or crisis. Doing something new for our marriage relationships can add a little pizzazz, and during a separation it might get a drifting mate’s attention.

So in addition to allowing God to make changes in your character, attitude and actions, you might also consider making some practical changes that stretches who you are. Your purpose is to become the fullest, most vibrant version of who God created you to be. Don’t make the mistake of trying to become who your spouse wants you to be. That’s not you. You want to become the person God wants you to be. You are a unique person, created by God to be His special child. Fulfilling His most complete vision of you is a tribute and honor to Him as well as a gratifying achievement for you. During this time of waiting, while you are exploring God’s heart and purpose for you, it’s your opportunity to spread your wings to mount up like eagles to discover more of God’s purpose in who you are individually as you seek to become the new you.

In doing this, you might want to try taking some fresh new approaches not typical of you, something unexpected. Think outside the box. Expand your interests and try new things. Read some interesting new books or take a course at the university. Consider taking up a new hobby, getting an interesting new job, or venturing out in a bold new direction. The interesting side effect can be that your spouse may take a second look. You might even consider taking a trip to a destination that causes your spouse to sit up and take notice. “You’re going there?  Hmmm, interesting.”

Fighting for your marriage during a separation encompasses every aspect of life on every level. We are fighting Satan who comes to “kill, steal and destroy.” His tactics are numerous, and he takes advantage of every loophole he can find. So as a marriage warrior you need to be vigilant; you need to be wise . . .  and you need to be creative. When Jesus sent his disciples out into the world, He said He was sending them out “as sheep among wolves,” and He instructed them to be “shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves” (Matt: 10:16 NIV).  We take instruction from this as well.

When we are following God and fighting a battle in enemy territory, we too are as “sheep among wolves.”  We need discernment and we need to allow God to lead us creatively as we tiptoe through the minefields of separation.

In her book, The Divorce Remedy Michelle Weiner Davis reminds her readers, “You are competing with your spouse’s fantasy of an ideal life without problems, or perhaps even a real-life affair.” So as a marriage warrior, your goal is to win your spouse’s heart away from Satan’s snares and give him or her a loving and alluring dose of God’s very best.

Practical Upgrades for the New You

When we dig down into some Old Testament stories, we can glean wonderful tidbits of practical wisdom.

In the story of Ruth, Naomi wanted her daughter-in-law to win over her relative Boaz, who had been kind to her, so he would marry her and take care of her. When she gave Ruth some personal advice about making herself attractive, Ruth listened to her mother-in-law’s recommendations. “Now do as I tell you,” Naomi said, “take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking” (Ruth 3:3 NLT).

As a woman of faith, Naomi was confident her advice to her daughter-in-law was consistent with God’s plan. Encouraging Ruth to make herself more attractive was not intended to manipulate but arouse Boaz’s affection. As a result of Ruth following Naomi’s instructions, Boaz not only married Ruth, but their child became the grandfather of David and was directly in the lineage of Jesus.

In the book of Esther, when Esther wanted to save her people, she did not immediately go to her husband the king and ask for what she wanted. First, she made herself attractive to him, she made him a banquet, and she made him wonder. Even during the first banquet, instead of letting him know what she wanted, she invited him to another feast before revealing what was on her heart. She aroused his curiosity and made him more interested.

Lessons from Ruth and Esther

What lessons can we learn from Ruth and Esther?

Make yourself attractive. Both Ruth and Esther made an extra effort to fix themselves up. For women, you might want to refresh the way you fix your hair, get a stylish new outfit or two, or lose a little weight.  And for men, here’s a news flash. Women like men to look attractive too. So think about your weight as well and wear a nice shirt and neatly pressed pants when you are planning to see your wife.

  • Do we sometimes overlook the importance of the sense of smell? The first thing Naomi said to Ruth is, “Take a bath.” Make sure you bathe regularly, wear clean, fresh smelling clothes, and keep your breath sweet.
  • Be honest with yourself. Look in the mirror. Do you need to shed a few pounds? If so, start a healthy weight loss plan like Weight Watchers instead of a fad diet that merely puts you on a yo-yo cycle of losing/gaining weight.
  • Have you let yourself go over the years? Would a new hair style help? Scan some fashion magazines or talk to a hair stylist to get some ideas.
  • If you’re a woman, you might want to get a facial and freshen up your makeup. If you’re a man, maybe shape up your beard.
  • Think about the style and color of your clothes. Choose outfits that are appropriate for your body type and age. Select colors that complement your skin tone and hair color and bring out the color of your eyes.
  1. Be less predictable and less available. By holding off in telling him what she wanted, Esther aroused the king’s curiosity.  She awakened his interest and kept him coming back for more to see what she was up to.

Because you’re trying to win back your spouse’s heart, you may find yourself becoming co-dependent, trying to please him or her at every turn by doing what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. Instead, let God guide you in your reactions and decisions regarding your spouse. Like Esther, you may want to add variety to your responses and not be too predictable. Be the unique person that you are. And if you’re not sure what that means, let God guide you through His Word as He allows you to unwrap your uniqueness and individuality through your discovery of the gifts He has placed in your heart and hands.

God knows you inside and out.   “Psalm 139: 13 and 16 says, “You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. . . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” The God who created you, loves you and wants you to be the best YOU you can be, and He knows just how to do it. When you ask Him for wisdom about how to become the new you He has wanted you to be from the beginning, He will show you.

To read more about how to unwrap the new you, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, will help you look at yourself in new ways so at the end of this journey you can be proud of the person you have become whether or not your marriage is reconciled.

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Filed Under: Divorce, Feeling unworthy, Hope, How to win, marriage, Marriage problems, New Directions, Reconciliation, Uncategorized, weight problems Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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