Making Crooked Places Straight – Author Interview with Penelope Kaye

November 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for Making Crooked Places StraightWE LIVE IN a challenging world. Temptations surround us. We struggle with what is right and what is wrong. When things work out differently than what we wanted and expected, we’re confused and overwhelmed. Where does this chaos come from? In her book, Making Crooked Places Straight, author Penelope Kaye takes readers on a deep dive into a subject most of us know little about by opening our eyes to what she believes may be a disruptive force in our lives.

 Linda: How would you describe the theme of your book Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: Making Crooked Places Straight has a dual purpose—first, as a spiritual warfare training manual, and second, as an exposé of the perverse spirit—how it works in the lives of believers and how to walk in victory over it.

Linda: That’s a rather startling concept—the perverse spirit at work in Christians. Can you expound on it?

 Penelope: Absolutely. Anytime we hear the word perverse, our mind immediately goes to sexual perversion, the homosexual agenda, etc. However, Scripture paints a different picture. The majority of the original Hebrew and Greek word meanings have little to do with sexual perversion. Only 51 verses have a form of the word perverse, but there are 19 different root word meanings, and only two of them refer to moral deficiency. The enemy has bamboozled us into thinking the perverse spirit is all about deviant sex, when in fact, the ramifications of this very crooked spirit can affect all areas of our lives, including the church.

Linda: How does that look in our daily lives then? Do you have an example?

Penelope: Sure. One of the Hebrew meanings for perverse means to rush headlong into. Think of all the impulse decisions we make, especially concerning our finances. Even more tragic are deadly road rage incidents.

Another definition includes the idea of turned upside down. In my case, I was fired from my job. Lies and baseless accusations out of my supervisor’s mouth ended my employment. Completely illegal, immoral, and unethical. And in that season of my life, God’s plans and purposes for me turned upside down.

Based on my research and experience, I believe the spiritual force behind these examples and more is the perverse spirit.

Linda: Are you implying that a perverse spirit can be the spiritual force behind our words?

Penelope: Exactly. Remember, Proverbs states “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (see Proverbs 18:21) In Chapter Two of my book, I devote a large section to the devastation a perverse spirit wreaks on relationships through words. Especially in marriages and families.

Several original meanings have to do with turn about or turn to the contrary. I can’t tell you how many times in my marriage that the perverse spirit turned our words every which way but the right way. I’m sure many in your community have their own horror stories to tell about innocent conversations turning into nightmares.

Linda: What made you want to write this book?

Penelope: I never wanted to write about the perverse spirit. However, one day I was praying for my troubled marriage, and the Lord said to read Psalm 101. One of the verses states: “A perverse heart shall depart from me, and I will not know wickedness.” I realized God was saying a perverse spirit was at work in my marriage, but I was under too much oppression to deal with it.

A year later, my husband left me. I remembered the verse and decided to do a word study on it so I could “know my enemy” so to speak. It was a mind-boggling, eye-opening journey, to say the least. However, the spiritual warfare and backlash that came against me was so intense that I put the study in the closet and left it there for 18 years.

A friend of mine was insistent that it needed to be in a book, but I kept resisting and basically ignoring her. God eventually began to get through to me that it was time to put it in book form. So it took about 9 months, but then it sat in the closet for 8 years.

I just didn’t think anyone would want to read about a perverse spirit, let alone find a publisher who would get it into print.

One fall day, I met a friend of one of my dear friends. Lo and behold, she began talking about the perverse spirit. My friend and I looked at each other and then shared about my book. This woman looked at me, pointed her finger, and told me God wanted that book out NOW! I almost stood up and saluted because I knew it was a command from the Lord.

I came home, did some major editing, pitched it to one acquisitions editor at a Christian writers conference, and his publishing house later offered me a contract.

There’s a whole lot more about this in my book, but that’s the abbreviated version.

Linda: You mentioned Chapter Two, “Uncovering the Dragon,” a little earlier. Tell me, why is it so long?

Penelope: It is long! Chapter Two includes the definitions of the original Hebrew and Greek root words, explanations in practical terms, real-life personal examples (including events in my life), and prayers. With nineteen different root word meanings in the original languages and several definitions within those meaning, a lot of ground had to get covered in Chapter Two.

To make it easier to digest, I broke the chapter into numerous sections with different subtitles. I also wrote prayers after each section to help readers on their paths to making crooked places straight.

Linda: That’s interesting that you added prayers after each section. By your doing that, I can see how necessary you feel prayer is in overcoming this. 

Penelope: Without a doubt. I realized early in Chapter Two that one nice, neat prayer tied up with a bow at the end of the chapter wasn’t going to cut it. Because the more a reader understands how the perverse spirit works in his/her life, the more shocking that revelation is. It was important to me to provide spiritual guidance with prayer all throughout the book.

Linda: You also used a lot of scripture in your book. Can you tell us why you used so many different scriptural references?

 Penelope: When I first began the manuscript, I actually didn’t include many verses. About halfway through Chapter Two, I realized that many Christians would have a hard time believing what they were reading simply because no one has written anything in depth about the perverse spirit. Consequently, I had a strong inner conviction to have as much biblical support as possible to back up what I was presenting. I went back through the manuscript to add appropriate scriptures and continued to as I moved forward with the project. The finished work has over 250 verses in the book. As a bonus, an appendix in the back lists all of the verses either quoted or referenced.

Linda: Tell us about the chapter on weapons.

 Penelope: One of my favorite chapters! To put it bluntly, what’s the use of uncovering the dragon if you can’t slay him and walk in victory? My absolute favorite spiritual activity is spending time with the Lord in worship, prayer, and his word. My second favorite spiritual pastime is beating up the enemy and enforcing our victory through the blood and cross of Christ. “Treading upon the Serpent” includes over twenty spiritual weapons to pull from our arsenal.

Linda: The publishing process can be long and difficult. You mentioned meeting your publisher at a Christian writers conference. Tell us more about that. Picture of author Penelope Kaye

 Penelope: My writing passion is actually children’s picture books, which is what I was pitching to editors and agents at the conference. Near the end of one of my meetings with an acquisitions editor, I very, very reluctantly told him about the manuscript for Making Crooked Places Straight. He showed immediate interest and asked me to send him a copy. I just wanted to forget about it, but he literally hounded me. Every time I ran into him, he reminded me to email him a copy. When I got home, he emailed me. A few weeks later he called me. He just wouldn’t quit. After several months, I finally sent him a copy, and less than a month later, the publisher   offered me a contract.

Linda: What were some of your challenges in writing Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: In order for readers to fully understand how the perverse spirit worked in their lives, I had to be transparent with my own experiences and pain. Sometimes as my fingers flew across the keyboard, I realized the words described me. Long-buried trauma pushed to the surface, and it would take days, sometimes weeks, before I could write again.

Linda: Were there any surprises for you along the journey of writing this book?

Penelope: Yes, I was amazed when God always provided confirmation, either through fresh revelation or others sharing their own experiences—especially since I didn’t want to write about the perverse spirit at all. Some of the definitions brought about many “aha” moments. Finally discovering how the perverse spirit showed up in the Garden of Eden was a huge eye-opener.

Linda: What were your goals for Making Crooked Places Straight? And how well do you feel you achieved them?

Penelope: I wanted to uncover the dragon—to expose the perverse spirit so believers could see how it worked in their lives and, more importantly, how to walk in victory over it.

I also wanted to give my readers hope—hope that God will make their crooked places straight and they can shine like stars in the midst of a corrupt world.

As far as achieving my goals, I fight back tears when I hear from people who have read my book and prayed the prayers, resulting in transformed lives. I am humbled and honored that God chose me to write Making Crooked Places Straight, that in spite of the pain and the trauma, he truly has worked all things together for good.

Linda: It sounds like one of your friends was instrumental in your moving ahead with publishing your book. How was she involved?

Penelope: Yes, my dear friend, Ilah Stevens always believed in it, always felt it would impact not just dozens of lives, but literally thousands of lives. Without her prayers and encouragement, Making Crooked Places Straight would still be in the closet. She’s in heaven now, but I know she is leading the cheers every time someone experiences freedom because of my book.

Linda: You included some illustrations throughout the book. Tell us about them.

Penelope: Because reading about the perverse spirit can be very intense, I added the illustrations as a way to break up that tension and give a little snapshot of how the perverse spirit works in a non-threatening way.

Linda: You wrote about Noah Webster a lot. Why does he play such an important role in your book?

Penelope: Noah Webster wrote the first American English Dictionary. But he was far from a Christian—even though he had been raised in a Christian home. For many of his adult years, he followed a very crooked path. Not until the age of fifty did he have a profound spiritual experience and become a dedicated follower of Christ. As a result, the foundations of his most profound work are found in scripture.

When I did the research and word study, I continuously found myself amazed at the revelations I uncovered in Webster’s dictionary. So much so, that I included the definitions of perverse and its various synonyms from his 1828 edition in an appendix at the back of my book. 

Linda: Speaking of research, what tools did you use in writing your book?

Penelope: The Bible, of course. Strong’s Concordance and Webster’s Dictionary 

Linda: What’s your next project?

Penelope: I am just in the process of releasing my first picture book, I Do Not Like the Rotten Egg Scent in Yellowstone National Park. Not very spiritual, but a lot of fun for the kiddos! I also have a work in progress on biblical women that I’m sensing God wants me to complete, as well as other children’s books, both faith-based and secular.

Linda: Where can people find out more about your book Making Crooked Places Straight and your ministry?

Penelope: My book is available for order at brick and mortar shops as well as online book suppliers, such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and others. You can find out more about me, my ministry PS2710 Ministries, speaking opportunities, and other books at my website https://ps2710.com/.

.

 

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Wrestling – When Problems Seem Overwhelming

August 24, 2022 by Leave a Comment

woman sitting on beach with head in hands, grieving and wrestling with problemsPROBLEMS HAPPEN. Often. Sometimes they seem overwhelming. We wake in the night and find ourselves wrestling with nightmarish situations that we just can’t get control over.

How do we cope with these situations that seem to have no good answer? How do we win?

I have found the path to winning is often far different from the one we initially choose to take.

And it starts by first going to scripture. Ephesians 6:12 says, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

What Is Our Focus?

Too often, when we are wrestling with a difficult problem, our focus remains riveted to “the problem,” on our circumstances, on the people who seem to be causing it. We become so entrenched in thinking about our circumstances we can’t focus anywhere else. And by limiting our thinking. we fail to recognize who the real enemy is. It’s like we are keeping our nose to the ground, trying to catch a lizard when there is an alligator bearing down on us from behind.

During my husband’s and my three year separation, I taped a scripture to the wall, which I saw whenever I walked around the house.

“The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6 NASB)

The scripture reminded me where I needed to focus my thoughts, and by focusing on the spirit instead of my fleshly problems, it often helped me escape the depression that frequently pulled me under.

Once we recognize our need to focus on God instead of on earthly things, we are on the right path.

Are We Wrestling WITH The Enemy? Or AGAINST The Enemy?

Secondly, we don’t recognize, that as children of God who have accepted Jesus as our Savior, we have a power that we too often fail to use – the power of Jesus’ name and the power of His Word.

And thirdly, because of our limited understanding, we find ourselves wrestling WITH the enemy when we should be wrestling AGAINST the enemy.  That subtle distinction in Ephesians 6:12 can make a huge difference in the way we tackle problems that confront us. For if we wrestle WITH the enemy, we are giving the enemy equal footing; we are failing to acknowledge the power God has given us as His sons and daughters. We are flailing in helplessness as negative situations overwhelm and try to defeat us.

So in Ephesians 6:12 (above) when Paul uses the word “against” three times, he is telling us to use the weapons God has given us to take authority OVER the enemy and DEFEAT HIM. The enemy is NOT on equal footing with us. “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (I John 4:4)

When we finally do come to this understanding, then we need to take advantage of the wealth of God’s armory – the weapons He has given us to fight AGAINST the enemy and win the battle.

What Are These Weapons?

Ephesians 6:10-20 tells us how to put on the armor of God, and that is basic in the battle so we know how to protect ourselves as we face the enemy.

But the weapon we use to fight AGAINST the enemy is described in Ephesians 6:17: “The sword of the spirit which is the word of God.” In other words, we fight with the word of God—scripture. The more we immerse ourselves in the Bible and know what God has said to us, the better able we are to use His words to fight AGAINST the enemy.

Using words of scripture that are appropriate to our situation become powerful weapons in our arsenal and in our prayers.

A few of my favorites are:

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV)

1 Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit of God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.” (NKJV)

Exodus 14:14 “the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still,” (NIV)

Deut. 20:4 “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” (NIV)

Psalms 91:9-11 “If you say, The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent  for he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”

And there are so many more. Search the scriptures. Spend time with God. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Don’t let the enemy pull you under. If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, you are a child of God. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Cor. 10:4)

If you would like to read more on this subject, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated goes into this subject more thoroughly in two different chapters about entering the prayer closet and turning the prayer closet into the war room.

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Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated

March 20, 2019 by 1 Comment

MY NEW BOOK, FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE WHILE SEPARATED, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted, released this week and is now available on Amazon. My own story of separation and reconciliation, along with the powerful stories of others who’ve walked this road, have prepared me to bring you this battle plan for reconciliation—stories which were born in pain, but now offer new life to struggling marriages.

What Turned Things Around?

But a curious thing happened to me the other morning.

Whenever I’m interviewed on radio or TV one of the inevitable questions I’m asked is what happened to turn things around during my three-year separation from my husband so we were able to reconcile our marriage.  That has always been a difficult question for me to answer because there wasn’t just one thing that made the difference. There were many.

But a few mornings ago as I was praying about an interview I had later that day, I suddenly realized I did have the answer! It was right in front of my eyes when I opened the first pages of my new book!  It was there in my chapter titles. Each chapter was an expansion of one of the things that had contributed to my own reconciliation story. Without realizing it, as I tried to show others how they could fight for their marriages and win, I had laid out the steps that lead to my own marriage reconciliation.

Through the years I’ve received many emails from readers of Broken Heart on Hold, asking me questions about their own marital challenges as they struggled to find reconciliation for their marriages. After finding hope, strength and encouragement for their marriages in the words of Broken Heart on Hold, they wanted to know how to take the next step. Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated provides the answers to these questions.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, begins where Broken Heart on Hold left off, continuing to guide you through the labyrinths of separation, this time with practical answers to your questions and true life stories to give you hope.

Today I’m giving you a peek into the chapters so you can get a glimpse of some of the things you can put into your arsenal so you can fight for your marriage and win even if you’re separated and fighting for your marriage alone. Each chapter of Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated provides one more link to the winning strategy that brought not only my marriage back together, but many other marriages as well.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated

  1. Reacting to Your New Situation – When a spouse first leaves, the one left behind is devastated and often caught off guard. He or she is tempted to react in reckless ways that may actually push his or her mate further away. The first chapter shows the reader how to take steps to turn rash reactions into constructive responses.
  1. Sizing up Your Relationship Dynamics – Looking at the assertive versus passive natures of each spouse in their marriage relationship can provide a surprising glimpse into what brought them to the point of brokenness. This chapter shows the reader how to unravel these complex dynamics and begin moving in a positive direction toward healing.
  1. Exchanging Negative Communication Patterns for Positive Ones – Our negative responses to one another form reactionary circles that take us around and around in a repetitious pattern of interaction that produces the same frustration and hurts again and again. But either spouse can interrupt this sequence of interactions and change the dynamics of the relationship. This chapter shows you how that can be done.
  1. Finding Power in Positive Words –The road to restoring a marriage is paved with responses that will most likely seem unnatural in the midst of anger and deep pain. Taking a positive approach, instead of following negative instincts, can turn a marriage around. How do you actually do this?
  1. Drawing on Outside Help – Those who are separated need support from others to work through the pain and find healthy answers. Knowing where to turn for help and how to recognize the difference between helpful vs. unhelpful support makes a difference. Even when choosing a counselor, it’s important to understand the difference between individual counselors and marriage counselors. Not all counselors are trained in marriage counseling, and an untrained counselor who tries to work with couples can do more harm than good. Marriage counseling is more difficult because the counselor is ministering to three separate clients at the same time and needs to know how to handle any conflict that may erupt in a counseling session. Knowing what to look for and what to avoid is important in getting the help you need.
  1. Protecting Your Child’s Heart – The children of a separated couple are torn in many directions emotionally, but usually hover in the background, unnoticed. How do we help them through their loneliness and confusion without entangling them in our own pain and disappointments? One of my own daughters, who not only suffered through my three-year separation but is now a mental health counselor, sheds light on this important but often overlooked subject.
  1. Stepping into the Prayer Closet – Effective prayer for our marriages encompasses much more than we think. Praying for restoration is only the beginning as we humble ourselves and allow God to sift the chaff from our hearts and lives, pray sacrificially for our spouses, and surrender everything to God.
  1. Letting Go–The Hardest Prescription – The true answer to turning the marriage around starts with letting go of control and giving it all to the God who knows how to put together the broken pieces of our lives to create something beautiful. How do we do that?
  1. Unwrapping the New You – To have a healthy marriage, we need two healthy individuals in that marriage. The separated person not only needs to take care of him/herself, but also let God unwrap the potential within. God uses the trials in our lives for a purpose. One of His purposes is to make us into more of the person He first designed us to be. We have a creative God who can use this time to take us on a new personal adventure of growth.
  1. Turning the Prayer Closet into a War Room – Once we have humbled ourselves and completely put our trust in God, we are ready to declare war on the enemy of our marriage. We begin by entering into God’s courts with praise and then dress ourselves piece by piece in the power of the armor of God.
  1. Making Tough Choices – How do we love the spouse who is tearing our marriage apart and protect ourselves as well? How do we handle a mate caught up in addictions or an affair? And what about an abusive spouse? In setting appropriate heart guards, it’s important to find that fine line between love and self-protection. An in-depth discussion with Counselor, John Tardonia, about physical abuse, a look at how to handle infidelity, and a powerful story from the trenches about addiction will help us find the answers.
  1. Dating as Friends – One perplexing issue a separated couple often begins to grapple with at some point is whether or not they can be friends while separated. The surprising answer to this is that a period of friendship dating can actually be a positive step toward putting a marriage back together.
  1. Knowing If It’s Time To Reconcile – Even when a prodigal spouse is ready to return, the timing may or may not be right for true reconciliation. There is a way that will successfully bring the marriage back together in a healthy forever relationship, and there’s a wrong way that may cause the marriage to break apart again. What are the signs that a separated couple is ready to get back together and rebuild a solid marriage? The story of a couple who did it both the wrong way and the right way sheds light on this subject.
  1. Learning to Live with the Same Spouse in a New Marriage – When a couple finally gets back together, how do they ensure that their marriage has a firmer foundation than before and that bad habits won’t return? How do they create safety for each other? And when relapses do occur, how should they handle them? My husband Marv and I share a number of principles that can help the new reconciled marriage become the marriage you always wanted.
  1. Coping With the “D” Word – Lurking in the separated person’s mind is a dark, dreaded fear. What if, after all the waiting, their mate still decides to file? Wherever this road leads, God has provided. You needn’t be afraid. God’s perfect love will carry you through no matter what happens. Answers to common questions about divorce are provided and helpful programs recommended.
  1. Who Are You Holding For? – Although your heart has been on hold for your spouse, it is only when you truly fill your heart up with Jesus that you will find a completely healed heart. He’s the only one who will give us a perfect love. In your waiting, God has brought you something more precious than what you thought you’d lost—the sweet intimacy of a deeper relationship with Christ. Two stories with different endings show how God is not limited by our own expectations and brings the beauty of restoration to us in different ways.

Finding the Hope to Fight the Fight

If you are separated, there is hope—even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone. Our culture is filled with misconceptions. One of them comes regularly whenever I begin telling people about the many marriages I’ve seen reconcile. After a sad sigh, one person will often say, “But it takes two to want to reconcile.”

While it ultimately does take two to finally get back together, it doesn’t take two to start the process of reconciliation. One spouse, alone, who is willing to trust God, focus on Him, and surrender the marriage to God, can often bring about restoration. But he or she needs to trust God’s ways and His timing and realize God has purposes beyond their own. Yes, eventually, it does take two. But God will restore the person who waits on Him during the waiting, sometimes in unexpected ways, regardless of the eventual outcome.

So come and join the battle. Let me join you as you fight for your marriage. I want to show you principles and strategies to help you win—even if you’re separated and fighting for your marriage alone. Together, let’s look to the Commander and seek Him for direction.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted

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Filed Under: Battles, BOOKS, Divorce, Fear, Hope, How to win, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, spiritual warfare, Surrendering to God, Trusting God Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Carried by Grace: a Guide for Mothers of Victims of Sexual Abuse, Interview with Author Debra Butterfield

June 3, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Debra Butterfield, Carried by GraceCarried by Grace—what a beautiful title for a book and what wonderful peace this phrase brings to mind, in sharp contrast to the devastating implications of the subtitle. When we experience heartbreak, the best gift God can give is to carry us with his amazing grace. Although I hope not many of you have had to deal with a child being sexually abused, Debra’s book has much to share about experiencing God’s grace during a period of crisis. And if you do know someone whose child has been sexually abused, be sure to let them know about this book. Debra Butterfield is nonfiction editor for CrossRiver Media Group and a freelance editor and writing coach. Debra’s book, Carried by Grace: a Guide for Mothers of Victims of Sexual Abuse released in April and is available in print and on Kindle.

Linda: This is a tough topic, Debra, but sadly, I’m sure it’s one a number of mothers have had to deal with. Could you tell us a little about how you came to write Carried by Grace?

Debra: One night in the midst of a family argument, my daughter threatened suicide and subsequently was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The next day my husband was arrested and charged with sexually abusing her. I was beyond devastated and felt so alone! I had a friend who encouraged me and was a prayer warrior for me, but there was no other mother who stepped forward and said “I’ve been where you are. Let me help.”

Because of the shame this crime carries with it, most people don’t want to admit it’s happened to them and ask for help. I wanted to provide a way for mothers to know they’re not alone, to help them know what to expect in their (and their child’s) journey to healing, and give them spiritual and practical steps to help.

Linda: What are two or three things you tell mothers to help them deal with this traumatic experience?

Debra: Keep your focus on Jesus and pray about everything.
Take care of yourself so you can stay physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.
Don’t try to do this alone. Utilize your support network.

The Need for Prayer Warriors

Linda: You mentioned your friend was a prayer warrior. Could you expound on that?

Debra: My biblical foundation for prayer warriors is Exodus 17:9-13. When the Israelites had gone to battle with the Amalekites, Moses, Aaron, and Hur stood on a hill nearby where they could view the battle. Moses prayed and whenever he held his hands up to the Lord, the Israelites prevailed in battle. When Moses dropped his hands, the Amalekites prevailed. Moses grew tired, so Aaron and Hur found a stone for Moses to sit on, and each stood on one side of Moses and supported his hands. And so Joshua and the Israelites defeated the Amalekites.

A crisis is not a time to be alone. Even Jesus during his night in the Garden of Gethsemane asked Peter and John to pray with him. When we face a crisis, we need others who will pray for us on a daily basis. Ideally you have two or three people of the same gender who know the exact circumstances you face. These people can then pray for and with you on a regular basis. They are there to offer a word of encouragement and strengthen you when your faith falters or when you’re depressed or tired and worn out from the battle.

Linda: What are the qualities of a good prayer warrior?

Debra: A good warrior needs to
• know the Bible well,
• understand the principles of prayer and spiritual warfare,
• be trustworthy, and
• be willing to commit time daily to pray for you and your family.

The Question of “Why?”

Linda: At some point in a crisis most people ask the question “Why has this happened?” Did you?

Debra: Most definitely! God is okay with us asking the question, but He doesn’t want us to get stuck there. Getting stuck opens the door to bitterness.

I believed Romans 8:28, and made the choice to trust God. I let go of asking Him why and started asking what He had for me to learn through the trial.

Over the years I’ve dug deeper into the “why?” dilemma, and God brought an answer from an unexpected place—mountaintop experiences.

At the time, I lived in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I had a magnificent, unobstructed view of Pikes Peak from the front deck of my house. When we’re at the top of the mountain, what a view! Miles and miles of God’s country to see. We’re separated from the noise and chaos of our daily lives and everything seems right with our little world. We never want to come down!

But living in a high altitude has its challenges. The air is thinner—fewer molecules of oxygen—so your body has to acclimate. In addition, very little grows on the mountaintop. The right conditions must exist for growth that aren’t there on top of that mountain.

I know it’s difficult for people to accept, but we grow and mature emotionally and spiritually through the difficulties we face in life. We find those conditions in the valley—our day-to-day lives—not on the mountaintop.

Imagine what would have happened to the Israelites if Moses had never come down from the mountain.

God has a purpose for us. He allows difficulties—a troubled marriage, a sick child, job loss—because He knows the ideal conditions needed for each of us as individuals to grow, learn, and accomplish His destiny for us.

Linda: If you could give someone only one piece of advice, what would that be?

Debra: That the true meaning of hope is to confidently expect.

In today’s society the word “hope” has become synonymous with “wish.” People say “I hope” but they have no true conviction or expectation that they’ll realize that hope.

The Bible is filled with promises from God and God is not a liar. If He lied, everything about His being would unravel. He would not be God, nor worthy of our faith and worship.

Trusting God is an act of faith. Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary tells us faith is (1) confidence or trust in a person or thing; (2) belief that is not based on proof. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is the confidence that what we expect to happen will happen.

Think of it this way. If you made a promise to someone and they said “I don’t believe you’ll keep your promise,” how would that make you feel?

When we have no hope in God and doubt His promises, we are insulting His character.

God is true to His word. We can trust Him. We can hope—confidently expect—Him to fulfill His promises, to answer our prayers, and to be in the midst of our troubles and help us through.

Linda: Where can people find the book?

Debra: Carried by Grace can be purchased from my publisher CrossRiver Media Group at http://www.crossrivermedia.com/bookstore/genres/non-fiction/carried-by-grace/ as well as the usual online bookstores. It’s also available on Kindle.

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Watching On The Big Screen – September 11, Then and Now

September 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment

newyork_newyorkcity_september11_648539_hSmoke billowed from the building as flames continued to engulf it. Again and again on the TV, a tape played, showing an airplane exploding into the upper part of the World Trade Center. News reporters frantically attempted to explain what had happened. No reports yet about the people inside except that survivors were seen running from the building. The unspoken question, “How many were dead?”

Flames suddenly exploded from the other tower. “I think that was another plane,” the reporter exclaimed incredulously. “Let me run that again.” As the tape ran, he shouted, “Yes, another plane just hit the second tower.”

Slowly, the truth began to dawn. It was a terrorist attack. Reports began coming from every direction . . . like in the story of Job. Just as one reporter finished announcing a disaster, another interrupted to tell about another.

“There is fire in the Pentagon.”

“There is a report that another hi-jacked plane is still in the sky; no one knows where it is.”

As events unfolded, it became clear that a day of infamy had just been etched into the history of America. It was the morning of September 11, 2001.

As I watched TV that day with reports and televised pictures showing everything that was happening at once, I was reminded of how God looks down on each of us in the middle of a crisis and sees all the surrounding events that are taking place at the same time. He sees the big picture. Those at the heart of that terrible disaster had no idea what was happening. Many had no radio or television or any means of communicating with others. They did not know there was a terrorist attack. They did not know hijacked planes were being used as missiles. They had no idea of the kind of danger they were in. But those of us watching television saw it all unraveling on the screen before us. We had the big picture. And with the gift of perspective, those of us who belong to Christ could tap into The One who had an even bigger picture. We could pray.

Hearing that another hijacked jet was still in the sky that morning, an urgency swept through me. I ran to my living room and knelt down with my hands clasped on the love seat. Looking through the glass doors behind and up into the sky, I began to pray deeply in the spirit. Specifically I prayed for the people on that plane. I prayed for any Christians on the plane to experience God’s wisdom. I prayed that there were courageous people on the plane who would be able to intervene and change the course of the jet so there would not be another violent collision into a major landmark. My prayers were feverish and urgent. In the eye of my mind I could feel struggles going on.

After a few minutes I went back to the television set in the family room. Before long, a commentator reported a plane crash in Pennsylvania. They did not know if this was related to the hijackings or just an odd coincidence. Sometime later, stories began to filter through the airways that one man, then two men, then three…had called on cell phones and told their loved ones they were going to do something about the hijacking that was taking place.

Around noon I called my daughter, and we talked about our prayers that morning. Her prayer had been for the dying. “I just kept praying that people who were dying would call on the name of Jesus,” she said. In the solemnity of her voice there was a deep, painful sense of eternity hanging in the balance.

Several days later I heard the story of a Christian man who told of being with a group of people trapped in one of the Towers just before the collapse of Tower 2. “Call on the name of Jesus,” he shouted to them. From all around him, people began crying out, “Jesus,” “Jesus.” Miraculously, this man not only managed to get out from under the debris that buried them, but pulled out two others who were still alive as well. The three made it through the ash and debris to safety, but the others didn’t survive.

As Christians we know by faith that God is in control. What we cannot see, however, is how He exercises that control. He did not stop those first three planes that hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. But how many unseen mysteries happened that day that we will never hear of? How many people were moved by God’s Holy Spirit to pray? How many prayers strengthened the saints caught in the middle of disaster? How many stories could be told of heroism and courage that had eternal results? We will never know the answer to that until one day in Heaven we see “face to face.” Then we will know the mysteries and see God’s plan unfurled.

In a few more days it will be September 11, 2014. Violence has once again erupted and spread rampant in the Middle East, two journalists are dead, and tales of commercial jets missing from Libya (although not officially confirmed) have begun to spark fear.

But as Christians we are not called to fear. We are called to prayer. Our God watches on the big screen. God hears our prayers and He is in control.

On September 11 I invite you to join me in calling on the name of Jesus and making this September 11, 2014, a day of prayer. We don’t have to change our plans or stay on our knees. But throughout the day we as Christians can pray quiet prayers of protection for the innocent, and confusion and defeat for the violent perpetrators of evil.

Please join me and dedicate yourself to prayer on September 11.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness. (Prov. 11:5)

To remind yourself about who’s in charge, listen to the following song and know that God will indeed hear you when you call.

“Whom Shall I Fear? (The God of Angel Armies)” by Chris Tomlin     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0gu0nOaFsI

 

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Filed Under: Danger, Fear, How to win, Jesus, Prayer, spiritual warfare, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Interview with Sharon Jaynes, author of Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe

February 5, 2014 by 8 Comments

Praying for Your Husband_Page_1I feel honored, privileged, and excited to interview Sharon Jaynes, author of her new book, Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe. Sharon Jaynes is the former vice president and co-host of Proverbs 31 Ministries and author of 16 top selling books. In past years, two of her books, Your Scars are Beautiful to God, plus I’m Not Good Enough…and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves, were Retailer’s Choice Finalists. Sharon travels worldwide as an international conference speaker. In fact, when she did this interview I was fortunate to catch her between her return trip from El Salvador and another trip she was to take a couple of days later.

But what a terrific topic! Particularly as we head toward Valentine’s Day., which is a happy day for some, but a hard day for others.  I pray that in whatever situation you find yourself, you will be blessed by Sharon’s insights.

The Significance of Praying for Your Husband

Linda: What stirred you to write Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe

Sharon: The vast majority of the e-mails I receive through my ministry center around marriage problems. Some have marriages that have fallen apart or are seemingly falling apart. Some are just going through a rough patch. But regardless of where a woman’s man or her marriage falls on the continuum of terrific to tolerable to terrible, there is always room for improvement. Prayer can make a bad marriage good and a good marriage great.

Linda: When did you realize prayer would be an important part of your marriage?

Sharon: About 2 minutes after I said, “I do.” No, seriously. I remember sitting in front of the mirror on my wedding day thinking about how happy I was. Then I had the thought, “Doesn’t everyone feel like this on their wedding day? What could possibly go so wrong that so many end up in divorce? I decided right then and there I was going to do everything in my power to make my marriage a success. It didn’t take long to learn that “in my power” was a problem I had to become a woman of prayer who depended on God’s power.

Linda: Why do you think prayer is so important?

Sharon: A spiritual battle is going on all around us, and Paul urges us to be prepared, spiritually armed and physically alert. He emphasizes this again in his second letter to the Corinthians: “Though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:3–4).

While we don’t have authority over our husbands, we do have authority over the Enemy who seeks to harm him (Luke 10:19). Through prayer, the Enemy’s plans are intercepted; the principalities and authorities are defeated. Through prayer, the power and provision of God flow into the lives of His people.

God is not hoarding His blessings, waiting for us to say the right words to pry those blessings out of His stingy hand. He longs to lavish us with His goodness! (Ephesians 1:7–8) And yet He often waits for us to ask. I am not saying I understand it. Prayer is simply how He chose to engineer the flow of His power and activity from the spiritual realm into the physical realm. Prayer is the conduit through which God’s power is released and His will is brought to earth as it is in heaven.

It is not that God cannot act without the prayers of His people. He can do anything He pleases (Psalm 115:3). However, He has established prayer as the gate through which His blessings flow. James reminds us: “You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2).

Linda: Why do you think so many tend to wait until things get so bad before we turn to prayer?

Sharon:  The humanness in us wants to think that if we try hard enough, we can fix our marriage and our man. But that’s simply not true. How many times have I heard those words, “Well, I guess the only thing left to do is pray about it.”  How many times have they slipped past my lips? But what if we looked at prayer from a different perspective…God’s perspective? What if we viewed prayer as our first course of action rather than a last resort?

Impacting Our Marriages

Linda: How has praying for your husband from head to toe impacted or changed your marriage?

Sharon: I don’t have a big bad story of how God took our terrible tumultuous marriage and miraculously transformed it into a storybook romance filled with white knight rescues, relentless romance, and rides into the sunset as we left all danger and darkness behind. Even though we’ve had our share of both tumult and romance, our relationship is no fairy tale. Our marriage reads more like a daily journal, one page after another, one day after another. Eleven thousand, six hundred, and eighty at the time of this writing.

The truth is, for most couples, life is just the daily one-foot-in-front-of-the-other journey. However, the accumulation of small struggles can nibble like termites to undermine the foundation of what appears to be a healthy structure just as surely as an earthshaking rumble of sudden disaster.

And while my marriage has not miraculously come back from the brink of disaster, I have held the hands of women who have experienced exactly that. Beth’s husband was addicted to pornography, but because of her intercession he sought help and found deliverance. Jona’s husband filed for divorce, but because of her intercession fell in love with her all over again. Patty’s husband was consumed with work and financial gain, but because of her intercession, he turned his heart back toward home. Miriam’s husband was bound by pain from past abuse, but because of her intercession, he experienced the freedom of healing and forgiveness. I have held their hands. I have heard their cries. I have joined in their prayers. I have witnessed their miracles.

Linda: How has the way you pray for your husband changed over your 33 years of marriage?

Sharon: In our early years of marriage, my prayers for Steve were more conflict oriented. I tended to pray for him when I felt he “needed” it. When a difficult situation arose, when work was hard, when finances were strained, when relationships were messy, when stress had us both tightly wound. And yes, I did see God’s hand respond to those prayers of intercession on my husband’s behalf. But as my understanding of prayer matured, so did my intercession for Steve. My desperate cries to God in difficulties grew into daily conversations with God in the ordinary. I prayed for God’s protection and provision for my man in the one-step-in-front-of-the-other dailyness of life.

Putting Flesh on Dry Bones

Linda: What if someone feels her marriage is too far gone to even pray? Sharon: Oh Linda, I LOVE that question. Our God is a God of miracles. A God of resurrection power. Someone may be reading this today and wondering if her marriage is too far gone. Too much pain to patch. Too much hurt to heal. Too many mistakes to mend. Too much resentment to remedy. Too much bitterness to make better. Too much brokenness to rebuild. Too much betrayal to forgive. Too much. Too much. Too much. But as Gabriel told Mary, ““Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:26–38).

I love the story in Ezekiel 37 when God told the prophet to prophesy to a valley of old dead bones. I am sure he felt silly as he began. And I am sure some women will feel silly when they are praying for a marriage that is like old dead bones. But what happened when Ezekiel obeyed God and spoke over those bones? God raised them up, put tendons and flesh on them, and breathed new life into each one. He raised up an army from those long dead dry bones. And if He can do that, then He can certainly take a dead marriage and breathe new life into it as well. I get excited just thinking about it!

Linda: How is the book set up?

Sharon: The book has 2 parts. Part one is a short teaching about the power and purpose of prayer and the landmarks of prayer. I am so directionally impaired, and do best with landmarks. Don’t tell me to go north or south. Tell me to turn right at Wal-Mart and left at the Firehouse and I’m good to go. So this book teaches us how to pray using landmarks. We start at the top or our man’s head and work our way down.

His head: What he thinks about

His eyes: What he looks at

His mouth: What he speaks

His ears: What he listens to

His neck: His decisions that turn his head

His shoulders: His burdens and worries

His back: His protection

His arms: His strength

His hands: His work

His ring finger: His marriage

His heart: What he loves

His side: His relationships

His sexual being: His purity and health

His legs: His stand

His knees: His relationship with God

His feet: His walk

The book includes 30 days of prayer. There is a scripture for each landmark, followed by a prayer that prays that particular Scripture over your man.

And here’s an extra bonus. I have a 30-Day Prayer Dare on line. Women can sign up at www.sharonmaynes.com and join women all around the world for this challenge. And if someone would like to watch a video, download a free chapter or learn more about the book, they can visit www.prayingforyourhusband.com or www.sharonjaynes.com.

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Interviews, marriage, Prayer, Prayer, spiritual warfare, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Whose Battle?

January 29, 2014 by 3 Comments

BATTLES ARE AN INHERENT PART OF OUR LIVES. We often seem to be in one kind of struggle or another. Maybe it’s a financial battle, or we may be fighting for our health or our very lives. Perhaps we’re fighting to save our marriage or to find peace and resolution in the midst of a chaotic situation or hostile relationship. Maybe it’s a battle to save ourselves from depression or addiction. Right now I’m battling my computer that wants to gobble up my email files and leave me without the resources to communicate with my readers. Technology seems to be a persistent battlefield for me.

                How do we fight these battles?  More importantly, how do we win them?

Natural Inclinations

                Instinctively, we want to lash out, to fight the battle in our own strength. That is our default mode—our natural inclination, or what God calls our “flesh.”

                In Jesus Calling, we hear God’s voice through the words of Sarah Young who pens, “Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is a false hope!” And then she refers her readers to John 16:3 where Jesus told his disciples, ‘in the world you will have trouble.’”

                So how do we deal with these troubles? How do we fight the battles?

                Before David defeated the giant Goliath, he declared, “The battle is the Lord’s.” (1 Samuel 17:47)     When King Jehosophat was forced to do battle against a vast army, the Lord said to him, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (2 Chronicles 20:15).

                Time and again we read stories in the Old Testament where God-fearing kings and leaders were triumphant in battle despite enormous odds against them. Not only Jehosophat, but Hezekiah, Asa, and others were each besieged by armies much larger than theirs, and yet they easily won the battle.

                Why?

The Winning Strategy

                Jehosophat fasted and prayed to the Lord. He called his people together, and they praised God for the splendor of His holiness, proclaiming that “His love endures forever.”  “As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Sier who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.” (2 Chronicles 20:22)

                Hezekiah’s first act as king was to purify the temple and call the people to worship the Lord. Afterwards, when an enormous army from Assyria came against him, he “cried out in prayer to heaven . . . and the Lord sent an angel who annihilated all the fighting men and the leaders and officers in the camp of the Assyrian king.” (2 Chronicles 32:20-21).

                When the huge army of the Cushites came against king Asa, he “called to the Lord his God and said, “’Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you and in your name we have come against this vast army. O Lord, you are our God; do not let men prevail against you.’ The Lord struck down the Cushites before Asa and Judah.’” (2 Chronicles 14:11)

            Last week, in Janet’s story of victory over a dying marriage, God called her to fast and pray before she had even a glimpse of how the story would end.  She was obedient, and throughout this time the Lord told her to continue to hold on. She praised God—even when her situation looked increasingly hopeless. She did spiritual battle—not against her husband, but against the spiritual enemies that were trying to destroy him and their marriage.  She acknowledged that the battle was the Lord’s. She humbled herself to surrender the situation to God.  Instead of trying to understand what she should do or what God would do, she left it in the hands of her mighty God whose “ways are higher than” our own. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

                And God prevailed. The enemy lost. Her husband’s heart returned to her, and her marriage was restored.

When we find ourselves locked in conflict and nothing is resolved, it may be that we misunderstand the nature of the battle. While we run skirmshes with bows and arrows, the enemy of our souls is shooting missles. War rages in heavenly places, but we engage in futile maneuvers that simply move the conflict from one turf to another. God’s powerful weapons can demolish Satan’s strongholds, but we, as His children, need to give Him the reins of power so He can do it. He won’t take them from us; it’s up to us to relinquish them freely into His hands.

  If the battle is truly the Lord’s, it makes sense to do as these righteous kings of Judah did, surrendering everything to God, obeying even when it doesn’t make sense, and praising God when our situation seems hopeless and victory looks impossible. Most of all, we need to lay our hearts out before Him with whole-hearted humility and trust. 

               If you would like to understand more about spiritual warfare, check out the 100 Huntley Street interview segments below, in which Moira Brown interviews Neil T. Anderson, author of The Bondage Breaker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ESddXkBAfg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0HVd7iQ-vk

Let us shout our praises to God. Let us come into His presence with singing. Our God holds victory in His hands.

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Filed Under: Battles, Conflict, How to win, Marital separation, marriage, Prayer, spiritual warfare, unanswered prayers Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Another Battle Won

January 22, 2014 by 45 Comments

When Janet* first emailed me, her husband had left a month earlier. She was desperate, overwhelmed and experiencing panic attacks.

Married for 25 years with a nine year old daughter, Janet was in shock as she tried to understand who this man was. The man she’d known as her husband now seemed a stranger, someone she’d never known.

In the emails I received over the next couple of months, things went back and forth between her and her husband. He assured her he was not going to file for divorce, but he did.  Court dates were set, and a tremendous battle began in the natural and in the spiritual.

Janet’s emotions drug her from anger to feelings of rejection and then to fear of what the future would hold.  But daily she hung onto Jesus and wouldn’t let go.

After a few months had gone by with several devastating appearances in court, Janet had a strong sense that God was telling her to pray and fast to break down strongholds.

Hanging On

Janet did as God instructed, and a few weeks later, after much prayer, she seriously believed the Lord wanted her to still hang on although “in the natural” it seemed “ridiculous” to her.  How could this be right when her husband was still pursuing a divorce?  More court dates were set, they had serious financial and health problems, and other Christians were telling her to give up—that he would never come back.

She started rereading sections of Broken Heart on Hold and praying some of the prayers from the book.  She put great emphasis on praying the Blood of Jesus over her husband daily as well as other spiritual warfare prayers. And every day she wrestled with her fleshly inclinations in order to forgive her husband.  Although the idea of forgiving her husband was distasteful to her, her love for the Lord gave her the strength and prompted her to persevere in doing what God was asking her to do.

But instead of getting easier, things got even harder and uglier as her husband fought her for the house, finances, and custody of their child who didn’t want to go with him.

Small Signs of Change

At intermittent times, however, her husband would show up to help her with some of her recurring health problems. She noticed moments when her husband showed changes in his behavior and attitude towards her, but they were short-lived and inconsistent.

Eight months after her husband left, she emailed me again for prayer. “Please pray for us, especially for me for wisdom, and that my heart does not keep getting rebroken over and over, I want God’s will, no matter how hard it is even if our marriage does not work out.”

A week before mediation, her husband asked her to go to some Christian counselors, but the meeting did not turn out well.  Finally, the day before the mediation, he called Janet to tell her he wanted to reconcile.

He wanted to cancel the mediation and divorce. 

Now she faced a new decision. Would she try to trust her husband again?  She called their Pastor for counseling, and with her husband on the other line, she agreed to stop the mediation.

Her husband took the initiative to reverse the process by asking his attorney to cancel the mediation, telling him he wanted to reconcile. He withdrew the divorce shortly after. Two weeks later they attended a Retrouvaille weekend, and that weekend changed their lives.

Three months later, she emailed me and thanked me for my prayers, my book, and for recommending Retrouvaille, “LIFE FOR US IS A NEW BEGINNING, I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW EXCITING EVERYDAY IS, I FEEL REBORN AGAIN.”

It’s been a year and a half since I received that first email from Janet, and nine months since they reconciled.  They are now involved with a ministry for reconciled marriages, continue to work on their own marriage on a regular basis, and will celebrate their 26th anniversary soon.

When I asked if I could share their story, Janet told me to include this at the end:  “I thank God for Linda Rooks’ book: Broken Heart on Hold, it brought me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I want to encourage all of you that are standing for your marriage that Faith is a Fight, do not give up, and especially fight the thoughts in your mind, hold onto the Hem of Jesus’ Garment, and receive His healing for yourself first, and then your marriage.”

This is a true story. Through her many emails, I walked along beside her on this journey, hearing the doubts, the anxieties, the questions, the faith, and the promptings of God that finally led her to victory.  *The name Janet is not her real name, but has been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals in the story.

 

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Filed Under: Divorce, Fear, Marital separation, marriage, New Directions, spiritual warfare, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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