The pain of infidelity is perhaps the most excruciating a married person can experience. For Stephanie Broersma, it shook her world and sent her on a heartrending journey she never expected. But Stephanie found healing.
In a powerful new book, Reclaimed, Finding Your Identity After Marital Betrayal, Stephanie shares that journey with incredible honesty and vulnerability in what she hopes for the reader can be a 30-day personal journey toward healing. If you have experienced this kind of betrayal, you can walk with Stephanie on this journey as she shares from her heart how God took her from the pain of revelation about her husband’s infidelity onto a path of restoration. In my interview with her this week, you will catch a glimpse of her heart as we talk about her new book.
Linda: Because of your experience with your husband’s infidelity, you have started Reclaimed Ministry to walk women through their season of brokenness. Your stated goal is to support women with authentic tools and scripture-based guidance that supports them and meets them exactly where they are. You claim that there is healing from infidelity in marriage. How did you find healing from your pain?
Stephanie: I was extremely intentional when I approached healing but more importantly, I gave myself time to pause and pray. It was easy to respond immediately to the raging emotions I felt post confession so trying to have eyes of grace, humility and forgiveness became the lens I saw life through.
With any serious injury, there is a period when the open wound needs around-the-clock care, but, over time, the need to change the dressings and keep 24 hour watch lessens. My life was consumed with all things healing. I read books, met with mentors, had people daily checking in with me for accountability and emotional support. Eventually, Tim and I began dating again and attempted to rebuild our broken marriage.
So, if you needed a “simple” answer to the question, I’d say I faced the pain head on and understood that to best heal, I needed to clean all the areas of the exposed wound regardless how bad it was going to hurt.
It’s been ten years since confession and there are still moments where Tim and I are learning new things about ourselves and us as a couple. Healing has now turned into growth, and one should never stop growing.
Linda: What was your biggest hurdle in writing Reclaimed?
Stephanie: The biggest hurdle in writing Reclaimed was myself. The self doubt of every word not being good enough for any reader weighed heavy on me. There was fear of what people might think about the details shared and the horror of family members reading the intimate parts of our healing journey. But in the end, the enemy lost and victory has been God’s as testimonies from women share about lives being changed, 
how my words gave them a voice and the simple thing of being seen has changed how women approach their betrayal journey. Success came when I got out of the way and let God do what He’s planned from the start when Tim and I said yes to sharing. From there, it’s been a humbling road to walk as we hear daily how Reclaimed has given people hope to keep fighting, to move forward and to know that they are loved by a King regardless of the outcome.
Linda: Tell us about the Biblical truth that inspired this book about healing from infidelity.
Stephanie: The most impactful Biblical truth I’ve learned as I wrote Reclaimed was by far the concept of forgiveness. This began weeks after my husband’s confession and has been the most challenging idea to embrace for myself. We often say to others we forgive them, but how often do you forgive yourself? I said those words to Tim but believing them for me was much harder. I struggled to forgive myself for thinking I allowed this sin to enter our marriage and to have grace towards myself when I couldn’t get over the pain it caused. Over the years of healing and ministry now, I’ve seen this play out in many different situations in my life. Forgiving myself for having a bad day as a parent, not being fully present for my spouse in conversations or for not achieving all the expectations I’ve placed in my own life has proven to be hard. Realizing that forgiveness is not so much for the other person but rather for me, has been a game changer in my life.
Another huge Biblical truth I’ve learned since confession has been living out my identity in Christ. This by far has changed my lens on life, knowing that I am God’s child. The comparison to the pornographic images or trying to be someone I was not, wrecked me. For the longest time, I believed I was the reason my husband stepped outside the marriage; things I was not caused him to look elsewhere. I know now, that nothing about me caused the initial sin. Often, this becomes one of the hardest challenges brides face post discovery or confession. If you don’t know who you are in Christ, then your faith is crippled, allowing the enemy to steal your joy and identity in Christ.
Linda: What is your prayer for your readers as they dive into Reclaimed? What is your goal in sharing?
Stephanie: My prayer for every reader is that, they too, would embrace the truth of being a child of God. That they would have the discipline to silence the lies of the enemy as they seek healing for their own hearts. A discipline of keeping their eyes on Jesus, the vertical relationship, and allowing God to work through every step of the process. My heart passion is for women to walk forward in wholeness as they seek hope. A bracelet I wear often reminds me of the purpose behind sharing. It says: “I want to inspire people… I want someone to look at me and say, “Because of you, I didn’t give up.”
I didn’t set out to reach the masses; my goal was to reach one heart and make a difference in that Individual’s life. I felt extremely isolated in my journey and I never want a bride to feel that as she pursues her own healing. And perhaps, with the courage it took to share, one other person will have the courage to not give up and believe that hope is possible.
“Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.” Psalm 66:16
I pray for the broken bride who is challenged today to seek God’s beautiful blessings in the middle of her mess. I pray that she would live boldly in the authority she has as a child of God and to feel strength to seek greater healing.
You can find out more about Stephanie’s book, Reclaimed, at https://reclaimedministry.com/ and read more about Stephanie’s everyday life at www.thebroersmafive.blogspot.com
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