Silver and Gold

“TREAT HIM LIKE SILVER AND GOLD, LINDA. Treat him like silver and gold.”  Jean sat forlornly on the couch, relating to me the bizarre set of circumstances she had recently experienced when her husband collapsed from a heart attack and she was unable to give him the required mouth-to-mouth resuscitation because she had a broken jaw and the doctors had clamped her mouth shut. Her husband was in a coma and not expected to live.  She looked at me with longing as she spoke—longing for the presence of the man who had shared her life for almost half a century.

In her pain, and as a woman experiencing the fragile deception of time, she was now passing onto me the wisdom she held close to her heart, sharing her own heartfelt yearnings about how to love the one we love before they slip away from us. “Treat him like silver and gold, Linda. Treat him like silver and gold.” Value what you have while you have it.

And It Came To Pass

The winsomeness of her words had stuck with me over the years, and I remembered how they had particularly rung in my ears one night as I was weaving through the streets on the way home after leaving my husband at the hospital when he’d fallen on the driveway and the doctors suspected a heart problem.

I had rushed to his side and saw him lying there, his face plastered into the pavement.

“Are you alright?” I shouted. “What happened?”

“Be quiet,” he replied.

No consolation wanted, thank you. He was strong. He didn’t need my help.

I lay in bed that night, picturing him lying there, blood dripping down his face, refusing my help, wanting to take care of himself. And, yes, the next morning I picked him up at the hospital and he was alright – that time. Our lives went on as usual. But the specter of a new reality lurked in my mind. We were getting older. One of these days one of us would leave the other.

And I thought about Jean’s words.

How could I treat him like silver and gold when he wanted to be self-sufficient? How could I give him the love that feels like gold? How could I fully honor him in a way that shines like silver?

I felt I’d had a warning. A little nudge from God. “Treat him like silver and gold, Linda. Enjoy your days together.  Be thankful for what you have.

And now that he is gone. Now that that dreaded moment came, I think about it again. Did I treat him like silver and gold? What does that even mean?

Some of you may be in that place too. You know life won’t go on forever on this earth. We know God numbers our days and there will be an expiration date. If you’re married, one day one of you will leave the other.

We don’t expect it. We don’t see it coming. It creeps up on us one day at a time. Although our lives are but a moment in the span of eternity, it seems like it will go on forever.

So in this sacred moment when you have the gift of one another in your lives, treasure what you have. Thank God for the love you share. Enjoy each other. And treat your spouse like silver and gold.

Silver and Gold

But how do I do that? How do I treat my spouse like silver and gold?

Treasure your spouse. Regard him or her as valuable. Put them in a place of honor and respect in your daily life. Make them a priority. Spend time together. Let them know how special they are to you. Learn how best to love them. Do you know your spouse’s love language?  Speak to them in the language of love that they will understand. And be thankful. Put your marriage in God’s hands daily and thank him for the blessing He has given you in your spouse.

Guard your relationship carefully –  Don’t let jobs or other people come between you.  Don’t flirt with disaster by spending more time than necessary with someone else of the opposite sex. Don’t start comparing your marriage with the marriage of others.  Focus on your spouse’s good qualities not on their faults.  Encourage each other. Pray for each other. Pray together.

Keep it safe – Do what’s necessary to protect your relationship by being honest with one another and communicating in a healthy way.  Don’t overreact to situations or let anger or accusations drive your spouse away. Be forgiving and don’t hold grudges.  Don’t let walls rise up between you. Remember that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Don’t treat your marriage carelessly – Don’t disregard your spouse’s needs or put him or her in second place. Be gentle, considerate, thoughtful. Listen carefully to what your spouse is saying. Don’t think that your way is the only way. Be humble in your attitude and don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry.

If you’re married, God has given you a gift – a treasure. Take care of it. Enjoy it. Value it while you have it. Pray for your marriage and your spouse each day. And remember to keep God as a part of that “three-braided chord.” Put your spouse in God’s hands and thank him for your life together.

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If you’re struggling in your marriage right now, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated, may shed some light on what’s happening in your relationship and help you discover how to bring about a new beginning.