Last week’s story of a couple whose marriage soared to heights of great happiness after first encountering and surmounting problems, challenges many of us to examine just how much fuel we are giving to our own marriages so we can achieve a similar level of happiness in our relationships.

Rick and Jolene found a fix for their problems when they went through Marriage 911, but they didn’t stop with okay, we’re fixed. They wanted more. They went to classes and seminars, retreats, and cruises, they read books together—anything they could find to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and heighten their romance. And they achieved the marriage of their dreams.

It’s so easy to settle in when things are just okay instead of doing the work to go the next step so your marriage can thrive rather than stopping at just okay.

Joe Williams, co-founder of Marriage 911, often says the natural direction of marriage is to separate. In other words, if you are not working to make your marriage better, chances are it will grow worse.

Life is busy, and distractions are many. There’s money to make, careers to grow, children to love and take care of, and duties to carry out. If our marriage is no longer hurting, it’s easy to let it slip into the back seat and stop with okay.

But what can you do to take your marriage to the next level?

Here are some suggestions to make sure you are keeping God in the center of your marriage and that you are nourishing your relationship by spending quality time together.

• Pray together daily.
• Read the Bible or take part in a Bible study together.
• Go to church together every week.
• Have date nights regularly (at least once a month, but preferably more).
• Read a book on marriage together at least once or twice a year.
• Listen or watch a marriage podcast once a month.
• Take weekend or week-long trips together.
• Plan to attend at least one major enrichment event a year such as a retreat, seminar, class, or cruise.

Making your marriage a priority now can save you from more heartache later. If you worry about taking time away from your children, realize a strong marriage gives your children a firm and solid foundation from which they can later sprout wings in their personal lives to appropriately explore the world they will one day enter as adults.

When my husband’s and my marriage fell apart and we became separated in the ’90s, our older daughter was in her second year of college. She writes of that time, “As a college student on my own for the first time ever, it had been as if I was in a little row boat in the middle of the sea. My one source of stability had been that I knew there was a large ship within rowing distance that I could easily get to whenever I needed it. In that moment [when my parents separated], it felt like that ship was blown up and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I was alone. There was no one I could turn to for security or stability. All I had ever known that was secure was no more.”

Keeping your marriage strong (or strengthening it after recovering from a crisis), will not only improve your couple communication and bring greater happiness to you, but strengthen the stability and confidence of your children. If you’ve suffered through a marital collapse, allowing your children to watch you grow your marriage into a more loving and fruitful relationship will teach them the value of pursuing God’s best in marriage.

Instead of stopping with okay, take your marriage to the next level. Give yourselves the gift of a great marriage. Take the time to engage in marriage enrichment opportunities to expand your framework of ideas and strategies to attack common problems that arise. Realize these programs can open your eyes to issues that might be undermining your relationship that you may not even be aware of. Enjoy finding out how to make love deposits in your spouse’s love bank that will create a love reserve so future problems won’t exact a toll on your marriage. Best of all, discover how making these discoveries can bring you the happiness that God intended when He created this thing called marriage.

Next week in Heart Talk, let’s look at specific programs, retreats, books, podcasts, etc. that can enhance your marriage.

Don’t stop with okay. Keep on growing. Have a great marriage!

f you need help in fighting for your marriage, let me walk with you through the pages of my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. There you will find practical help that can guide you toward reconciliation even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.