WAITING IS NOT something most of us like to do. I usually try to get to a doctor’s appointment right on the minute rather than arriving early to cut down on the wait time. I groan when I see the light turning red right before reaching the intersection because I know it means waiting. Most of all, when my husband and I were separated, I didn’t understand why God didn’t answer my prayers immediately and bring our marriage back together sooner. Waiting is hard. In stressful situations, it can even cause us to question God’s goodness. But author Candy Arrington sees purpose in our waiting. In her new book, Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well, she explores what it means to us when our life is “On Pause” and even shows us how waiting can be a blessing.
Linda: The books we write often emerge out of our own life experiences. What would you say was the motivation behind your writing Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well?
Candy: Several years ago, my husband lost two jobs within a year because of declining work in his field. After the first job loss, he secured employment within a few weeks. However, after the second, we encountered a life pause, a time of uncertainty and frustration. As weeks became months, we dealt with the anxiety and fear associated with waiting.
However, this was not our first experience with a season of waiting. Early in our marriage, we traveled the difficult road of infertility. Those years of surgeries, procedures, and heartache were stressful and tested our faith. Thankfully, I was eventually able to conceive and deliver two healthy children over a four-year period.
I’d like to say I handled the years of infertility well, but, in truth, I was angry with God and hurt by thoughtless and intrusive comments from those who had no right to make judgements or give unwanted advice. The infertility years taught me a lot about trusting God and tuning out Satan’s voice. Often, we believe Satan’s lies instead of focusing on promises in God’s Word.
Sometimes, when God sidelines us in a season of waiting, we fail to learn from the experience because we are so consumed with worry about what will happen next. Learning to wait well is a challenge, but if we’re willing, we can learn and grow in a time of waiting, while also strengthening our faith muscles.
Linda: Why do you think most people struggle with waiting?
Candy: We live in an impatient society. We’re trained by advertising to think we must respond immediately to offers, hurry to make purchases, or sign up for events so we don’t miss out. We chafe at delays in drive-thru lines or other waiting scenarios. By our very nature as humans, we are impatient. We want what we want without delay, regardless of consequences or who is hurt by our impulsiveness.
Waiting is counterculture, and like so much in the life of faith, requires us to take a step back from urgency, look to God for direction and discernment, and trust his timing.
Linda: That is so very true. When I tell people my husband and I were separated for three years, people are aghast that I could wait that long for God to bring healing to our marriage. Waiting is hard, but I believe God uses it for His purposes. Tell me, what do you think are the benefits of waiting? Is it ever beneficial?
Candy: We live in a world of instant everything, so waiting feels negative. God’s plans, methods, and time frame are rarely ours, and he has reasons for allowing life pauses. Here are a few I’ve discovered:
Protection – God sees the full picture of our lives while we see only snapshots. Waiting may be God’s way of protecting us from potential 
hazards of which we are unaware.
Preparation – A time of waiting prepares us for what lies ahead. Each difficult situation or period of waiting requires us to acknowledge God, trust him for resolution, and prepares us for future challenges.
Patience – Life pauses help us to cultivate patience, which is something most of us lack. Patience requires discipline, and discipline translates positively into other areas of life.
Rest – A season of waiting may be solely for the purpose of providing rest, a chance to reassess, or recover from trauma, stress, or grief.
Reflection – Most of us move through life at such a rapid pace we rarely take time to process emotions, spend more than brief moments in Bible study and prayer, and reflect on what God is doing in our lives. Seasons of waiting slow us and help us gain new perspective on what is truly important.
Renewal – Life is hard, and obedience to God’s directive to pause allows time for recharging physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Linda: All of those are great points. In light of what we’ve all been going through over the last two years, do you feel the timing of the publication of Life on Pause is significant?
Candy: Yes, when I presented this book idea to a publisher at a conference in 2019, it was not the book I had planned to pitch. But while I was waiting for my appointment, God reminded me of an article I wrote several years before for CBN.com titled “6 Simple Truths for Seasons of Waiting.” I was resistant to moving in a different direction because I had no proposal for a book on waiting, but I pulled up the article on my phone and used it as my outline. Six months later, when I signed a contract for the book, I had no idea our country, and our world, were about to enter a time of waiting related to the pandemic.
Looking back, I can see how God orchestrated the timing of the writing of my book and the publication, and, in fact, the idea for the book in the first place. I was much more in tune with the emotions and uncertainty of waiting as I wrote, and had greater insight, because I was living it!
That is how it is when our lives take an unexpected detour. Often, we can’t see God’s hand in our circumstances until after we wade through deep waters and reach the shore on the other side. Then, we can see he guided us, removed obstacles, and held us up when turbulent trials threaten to pull us under.
Linda: Are there any features in your book, Life on Pause that seem to have ministered most to readers?
Candy: I believe some of the most powerful parts of the book are the eight personal stories of waiting. So many people have said they identify with one or more of the stories because of the honesty and transparency of those who were willing to share.
Often, privacy or embarrassment prevents us from talking about hard life experiences, but when we share our difficulties, and how God taught us in those circumstances, others receive encouragement for what they are facing.
Linda: What do you most want readers to take away from this book?
Candy: In reading Life on Pause, I want readers to learn to see positives when sidelined in a time of waiting, or really in any situation they encounter that causes them to feel out of control or doesn’t make sense to them. I hope readers will realize how crucial it is to trust God’s timing rather than rushing ahead. I want them to cultivate listening ears that are open to God’s direction. When viewed from God’s perspective, waiting is a gift. Embrace waiting. Learn from it. Utilize it. And as you wait, draw closer to God.
Linda: Where can people purchase Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well as well as find out more about your ministry and your other books, such as When Your Aging Parent Needs Care and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide
Candy: My books can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other online booksellers and local stores as well. You can see more about my other books and ministry at CandyArrington.com
I have been waiting for the restoration of my marriage for over 5 years now. I am weary. The biggest thing I notice is that God, my dear father, is still showing me and affirming me of his promises and for that I am grateful however, I find that I no longer experience that overwhelming joyful hope that I felt starting out on this hard trial. I feel awful that I am so dismissive of the glorious things that he is still doing for me. This waiting is hard hard.
Dear Stefani,
You truly have been a trooper! And I know it is terribly hard. I don’t know what is happening regarding your husband, but I do know that God works all things together for good for those who love Him (Rom. 8:28) and I know that although His timing is perfect it doesn’t always align with our own desires. But when a separation has taken place, oftentimes a lot of changes need to take place in both parties. God may be working in your husband’s life right now in ways you aren’t aware of. I know there are others — some who may even be reading this blog– who have had to wait 5 years and even longer before their marriage was restored. While I know God has been at work in your life, the work He needs to do in your husband’s life might be more complex and need more time.
One important thing to remember – and I mean this is VERY important– is that the timing of your reconciliation may be of lesser importance than the QUALITY of your reconciliation. If you reconcile, and he has not made the changes God wants to make in him, you might find yourselves back together but still disappointed in your relationship. God may be baking a cake, but if you take it out of the oven before it has finished baking, the cake will be disappointing.
Stefanie, I see your heart, and I believe that although you may not be experiencing that joyful hope, my prayer is that you are experiencing God’s perfect peace as you see the other blessings God is unfolding in your life. God doesn’t promise reconciliation, but He does promise you a hope and a future. And He knows the plans He has for you to prosper you and not to harm you. (Jeremiah 29:11)
As you let go (as I’m pretty sure you have), let God open the windows of other opportunities that can bring you joy in other aspects of your life. Then whatever happens and whenever it happens, you will have an even fuller life and more to look back on with thankfulness.
May God just FILL your life with blessings, Stefani! You are His precious daughter.
Linda
I too have been waiting for over 29 months for my beloved to return home. Waiting has never been a strong suit for me. I have the blessing and gifting of being ADHD with impulsive decision making moments, which can be a blessing at times and sometimes not so much.
My heart did not stop hurting for almost 16 months, and I do miss my beloved wife and friend greatly.
In the waiting time, I too have wanted to just quit but Father God would not allow me to and would remind me how important my prayers and intercessions are and those prayers were making a difference even though I cannot see a single change or evidence that she will return. He reminds me that “By Jesus’ stripes my marriage is healed”, and I have to wait for His timing for the manifestation of that truth.
In the mean time I had to give permission to God to love me. That may sound silly, but as a “people pleaser” I worked all my life to earn love from people and God, and did not know how to let God love me. That first step was difficult, but I now know how much he truly loves me and is crazy about me. I am learning to love Him in the process.
In our marriage, I put my spouse first and not Jesus, so I depended on my spouse as my source of happiness, love and joy, which she was never built to do. Only Jesus can be the true source of love in my life. I can only love my wife unconditionally when I have Jesus’ love flowing through me.
I have been impatient and wanted to hurry things up and when I tried to fix things between myself and my wife it only drove her farther away.
Now I am learning to wait and trust Him for absolutely everything. Even though I still am impatient at times and want to move forward, papa, reminds me, His timing, not mine. He is healing me in the process of many childhood issues and teaching me to let Him fix things. He doesn’t need my help. I have learned so much.
I must admit that waiting is still not my strong suit today, but I have come to know God’s great love for me and for my spouse. That I can trust Him for all things and in all circumstances. I know His timetable is the only timetable. I pray for my beloved to come back to Jesus first and then back to me once He has bound up her wounds and healed her hurts from her past, before we married. Also the wounds I created during our marriage of 36 years.
I will never stop loving my wife, and I have forgiven her for running away without explaining why she did so, which has caused a great deal of pain and suffering since she left, between ourselves and our children. She is my beloved wife and friend and I pray for strength to wait until she returns home.
Only God can do such a great miracle. If God can do it for others, then I know He can do it for me and my beloved.
Waiting, but growing and trusting in Jesus.
Kenton
Canada
God bless you, Kenton, in your waiting. Here is a song that might comfort and encourage you as you wait. It’s, in fact, called “While I’m Waiting” from the movie Fireproof.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gjXBMC8-oM
May God bring healing to your wife’s heart and to yours, and may you see God’s goodness in your waiting and in the future blessings He brings to you in your relationship with your wife.
Linda
Thank You Linda.
The song is exactly what I needed for encouragement and truth. I will worship Him while I am waiting.
Sincerely thankful for your books (Testimony) and ministry,
Kenton
Canada
I wrote on your other blog a few weeks ago. I have been physically separated from my husband since january 3 and we have been separated since July 8 …
This past week I went out on a date w someone. I told my husband afterwards. All I did was compare him to my husband of 18 years. My heart hurts so incredibly much. I want so so much to have my marriage and family back. Sometimes the waiting feels like denial – like Im not letting go and grieving the loss of my marriage and moving on. Other times I read your book and feel encouraged by your story. Our marriage is so broken – maybe it always has been. And there is infidelity that my husband doesnt think I forgive him for … sometimes I think its TOO broken. Sometimes I dont know how to carry such heavy grief. Sometimes it feels impossible. I bought a new Bible and my goal is to pray and read the Bible more to help me through this time. Im so busy. I work full-time and Im in my last 6 months of graduate school to be a nurse practitioner. I have 4 girls. Sometimes I just feel like God is so far away. It feels so hard to trust Him to take care of me no matter what happens between me and my husband. You said you were praying for me the first time I wrote on your blog a few weeks ago. Im asking if you will please pray for me again. I need so much strength – the heartache is so heavy.