When I scheduled this interview with Kathy Collard Miller for early May, I didn’t connect the appropriateness of her book title with our Florida weather. But as I look out the window at the gathering clouds and intermittent rainstorms, I find the timing of my interview about her book, Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries: Finding Peace in All Kinds of Weather to be extremely fitting.
I believe Kathy’s topic about worry and anxiety will resonate with many of us. In the midst of life’s storms, how do we keep from worrying? Speaker and author Kathy Collard Miller has an answer for us. She has published 49 books and has carried her message of hope, faith, and encouragement into eight countries throughout the world and thirty U.S. states.
I feel honored that she is sharing with us today.
Linda: Kathy, what is really wrong with worry? What is the biggest problem that worry causes for us?
Kathy: The answer to both those questions is that worry steals our ability to acknowledge God as the God of our lives. I have no trouble calling worry sin because we are disobeying God’s command to “Be anxious about nothing…” (Philippians 4:6). We have a big problem when we fight God’s control of our lives. We’re on our own and we try to control and manipulate people and circumstances to get our needs met. And it’s so subtle. We may not even realize we’re worrying—we call it other words like concerned, mulling, thinking or planning, but we’re not seeking God.
Anxiety is currently the number one emotional problem of American people. Panic anxiety is the number one mental-health problem for women in the United States, and in men is only second to substance abuse. Worry causes relationship problems, physical illness, loss of faith, and stress. No wonder! We’re trying to play God.
Linda: I’m sure we can all admit that we worry at times. But I’m curious. How did you happen to write a book about worry?
God was working and tranforming me to trust Him more and I wanted to share what I had learned. My desire is to help readers trust God more by being convinced of His greatness, sovereignty, power, love, and involvement. We can say we trust God but then we give in to anxiety, people-pleasing, controlling others, regrets, fear, and trying to provide for ourselves when God says to wait on Him. Our responses actually reveal that we don’t trust God as much as we think we do.
For instance, if a woman is wondering whether her husband still loves her, or is worried that he’s being unfaithful, she may try to manipulate or control her husband. She may react in anger out of anxiety or withdraw her heart because she is taking his behavior personally. Her eyes are on making her husband meet her needs rather than trusting God to meet them. But Philippians 4:19 says God will provide all our true needs. Worry won’t make our spouse respond; it’ll only cause us to react in ways that may push him away more.
I was once in that very situation and my worry made me bitter and needy. It only caused my husband Larry to want to work more so he could be away from my nagging. But when I committed to trusting God to be all I needed, even if Larry never changed, I became more peaceful. Then Larry wanted to be around me. Now we’ve been married almost 44 years.
Linda: Tell us a little about the concept that began to transform your thinking about worry.
Kathy: I heard this concept at a conference: “If I’m worried, think of the worst possible thing that can happen and then think of reasons why it wouldn’t be so bad after all.” The speaker quoted Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (NASB). I realized my worry indicated I didn’t think God had the power to bring good out of bad and I worried that something bad would happen. But quoting that concept and verse began to give me a different perspective. It helped me relax and allow God to be in control.
Linda: Why do you think people worry?
Kathy: Of course, there are many reasons but here are a few. We may have experienced some hurtful things in childhood and blamed God. So our hearts are fearful of turning control over to Him. We may think that worry gives us power in another person’s life. I remember worrying when my teenage son had to fly across country by himself to a Christian golf camp. I worried he would miss his connecting flight until God whispered, “You’re worried because you want him to need you. Let him need Me.” Oh, how revealing. I could then release that worry and let God show Himself strong. Additionally, people worry because they really do think worry does some good. One woman told me, “Well, of course, worry works; after all, what I worry about doesn’t happen.” I’m sure she was joking (I think!), but in our hearts, we can think it does some good. Unfortunately, worry only makes us tense and then we react in ways we regret. Plus, God isn’t honored.
Linda: Many of those reading this blog are going through serious storms in life. The worries they have are based in substantial life traumas that have already disrupted their lives. They worry about the future, about what will happen with their children, whether there is hope for their marriages, etc. What do you have to say to them?
Kathy: I am sad to think of those going through hard times. I can relate. After being married seven years, I hated my husband and took out my anger on our two-year-old little girl to the point that I abused her. I worried that I would actually kill her in one of my rages. I almost took my life to prevent that from happening. But God intervened and as I turned my life over to him little by little, I saw how He wanted to use my struggle for His glory and my good. God healed our marriage and the relationship with my daughter. He gave me a ministry of sharing my story and writing about it. Then that blossomed into the ministry I have today. And my daughter is a happy adult who calls me her best friend.
I understand life seems impossible, but God is still God and He wants to help us. And worry doesn’t accomplish a single positive or helpful thing. It only motivates us to respond in hurtful and damaging ways. Worry is impotent but God is powerful. There is always hope with trusting God.
Linda: Tell us a little more about your book. What are you trying to accomplish and how is it formatted?
My book helps people, primarily Christian women, to trust God more and thus worry less. It is filled with stories from my own life and the lives of others who learned how to do that very thing, along with biblical principles and practical instruction. I’ve also included Discussion Questions that a group or an individual can use. Plus, every chapter highlights a woman from the Bible who either struggled with worry or one who overcame her worry. Every chapter ends with a “Letter From God” which speaks to the reader about what she learned in the chapter.
Linda: Are you available for speaking, especially on this topic of overcoming worry?
Oh yes, I love to speak on lots of topics, including overcoming worry. I especially love speaking at women’s retreats because I can have extended contact with the women. I can be reached at Kathyspeak (at) aol (dot) com.
Linda: Where can people find out more about Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries?
Kathy: It is available on Amazon for either Kindle reading or print:
http://amzn.to/18SUUHM
Or to get a little preview, you can view the book trailer at http://bit.ly/1czUhKh
My website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com
I heard the other day a saying for Christian singles…sprint towards God and if someone keeps up introduce yourself. Works for me. In my separation I am trying to do just that and have that hope that it will be my husband that keeps up. Key word trying. Kind of hard to do with the chains of worry and anxiety and anger and depression hanging on me. Get the picture of Jacob Marley? I didn’t know how to loose those heavy chains. I’ve been reading my Bible and learning the character of God, the sacrifice of his precious Son and what awaits me in the afterlife but how, oh how, do I stay in the peace and relinquish control and keep joy in my life TODAY? RIGHT NOW? Aha moment number 42. Loved what you shared about “thinking of the worst possible thing that can happen and then think of reasons why it wouldn’t be so bad after all.” With God truly in control I have the promise (I said promise!) of being blessed no matter what the outcome. I am eager to read your book.
Chris, thank you so much for commenting to the interview. I’m so tickled to think that that principle is one more layer of hope for you. I know it has been for me! So thank you and if you get my book, I trust it will be a blessing for you. Keep on! You are really growing in the Lord!
Thank you again, Linda, for giving me this opportunity to be interviewed on your beautiful blog and have the joy of connecting with your readers.
Timely words, as always, from you dear friend (actually from the Lord through you :-)! Choosing now to cast my burdens onto Jesus because he not only truly cares for me, but has the Power to intervene! I love that the words above describe how you truly live day to day. I learn much from your teaching, but catch even more from your surrendered living!
Oh Precious Missi, you are a treasure. Your heart always blesses me with your passion for the Lord. I’m glad those few words in the interview blessed you!
Kathy, I will have to get your book. Linda, I have read yours over and over the last two years as I have gone through the separation and now divorce from my husband of 33 years rooted in our Catholic faith plus 5 years of dating. He has childhood hurts that have surfaced and they were the root cause of many things that happened in our marriage, including his IED anger, workaholism and domestic violence. I never connected it all until he left and pointed it out to him through emails and resources for help I gave him. In the end, the only reason for divorce was living apart for more than one year.
We buried much of his 10 years of self employment debt into our house of 27 years and he has wanted to sell it on short sale since he left. He stopped paying the mortgage last year and now it is in foreclosure.
We do have 4 beautiful kids, age 19 to 27, that weathered it all through my efforts and are wonderful. They have drawn closer to me, yet I have not said hurtful things towards their father and they still remain close, though they do not understand his actions. His wounds are deep and only God can heal him now. I go to.Celebrate Recovery to deal with the co-dependancy I suffer from and am getting counseling.
Kathy, I think your book is what I need now. I also have CR’s Bible I am trying to get time to read.
There are so many other stresses right now I cannot explain, that I have to deal with, but I try to take the time to put them aside and pray. It has been a long two.years and so much unknown ahead yet.
I pray for God’s strength with Jesus and wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for support like this.
Oh, my heart hurts with you. To think of all you have gone through. But thank you for your faithful love for others–you truly have represented the Lord well and I know you know it’s because He has strengthened you more than you thought possible. No, none of us are perfect even with the Spirit’s help, but the response of your children is testimony enough and the fact that you don’t say hurtful things about your husband. God is the God of the impossible. Who knows but that He could reunite you after your husband has been healed by God. I do believe my book will strengthen your perseverance and your trust in God. Thank you for writing here.
Dear Hope For Love, I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure the pain that comes from divorce. I know you’ve hung in there and done everything possible to have a different ending. But, even as I say that, I know that is not the ending. God merely has you on a new path that will open up bright new vistas as you continue to trust Him. I’m so glad Kathy’s book is available at this point to guide you through the worries. I know that as you cling to God and pray for your husband to find God’s healing, God has many good things ahead for you. And you never know what might happen if your husband truly finds healing in the Lord. I truly believe we can find hope in unexpected places!