How to Explain Easter to our Children

March 16, 2015 by 9 Comments

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As Christians, we celebrate the wonder of Easter and the amazing love that Jesus poured out on the cross for us, but as parents we struggle with how to explain Easter to our children. We’d like our kids to know that Easter is about Jesus. We want to help them appreciate the significance of what Jesus did for them on the cross.

But how do we do it?

Christmas—our other Christian holiday—is easy. It’s the time Jesus was born as a baby. Children understand that. But Easter? How do we explain the significance of Jesus’ death on the cross and His resurrection so a child can understand it? Even children’s books for Easter often fail to fully connect at a child’s level of understanding.

Meanwhile, our children and grandchildren look forward to Easter because of the Easter bunny, Easter egg hunts, and getting lots of candy. So what’s a parent to do? How do we focus our kid’s attention on what Jesus did on the cross instead of the capers of the Easter bunny and the goodies he brings?

Well, what if we didn’t have to choose? What if instead of trying to brush the Easter bunny aside, we could make use of the Easter bunny to actually point our little ones to Jesus?

My new Easter picture book for children, The Bunny Side of Easter, is an exciting adventure about an ordinary rabbit that is willing to sacrifice his life for a little angel when a tiger threatens her life on the first Easter eve. It’s a winsome story about prayer, God’s omnipresence, His great love for us and what Jesus did for us at Easter. It’s the story of how a little bunny became a hero and the Easter bunny. And, by using bits of allegory, it points children to the biggest hero of all – Jesus, who gave His life so we could live forever.

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In a society that is so challenging to children, one of my goals in writing this book is to inspire children to become loving heroes of faith themselves who can rise above the circumstances and become little heroes who will choose the right path when times are tough. On my website, parents can find a number of tools to help their child better understand what Jesus did for them on the cross and even lead their child to accept Jesus as savior.

Children love stories. They connect with the characters, fear for them in dangerous circumstances, and cheer for them when they are rescued. By using the Easter bunny in a story of sacrifice that points them to Jesus, my hope is that we can lead children into a deeper and more heartfelt understanding of Easter and what Jesus did for them on the cross. The Bunny Side of Easter is about heroes—becoming one and recognizing the greatest One of all.

Frequently Asked Questions About
The Bunny Side of Easter

When talking to others about my new book, The Bunny Side of Easter, certain questions tend to arise. The following are my answers to some of those questions.

What is the story about?

The story begins on Easter eve when three animals—a mischievous rabbit, a plucky duck and a playful monkey are lost in the forest and must face a fearsome tiger. A little angel is kind to them, but her doubts about God’s omnipresence put her in danger when a fearsome tiger emerges on the scene. The question then becomes: can the three animals save themselves and the little angel who was kind to them? Will the angel discover the truth about her power? The bunny comes to the rescue to save her even though it may mean sacrificing his own life to do so. His act of heroism makes him the Easter bunny. The Bunny Side of Easter is a tale of fears faced, friendships gained, and faith discovered.

You say there is a rabbit in the moon. Is this true? Is there really a rabbit in the moon?

Yes, if you look carefully at a full moon, you can see a rabbit’s image in the shadows. His body is on the left side and his ears are at the top.moon with rabbit cropped

While we in America talk about the man in the moon, countries in Eastern cultures have for centuries talked about the rabbit in the moon. In fact, the moon rabbit has been a popular subject of folklore in Eastern countries like Japan, China, India and several others for hundreds of years. Storytellers created legends to explain how the rabbit got up there.

When American children look for the rabbit and see it for the first time, they get really excited. It’s a fun picture right up in the sky that most of us didn’t even know was there. (You can see more about the rabbit in the moon here.)

What age is the book intended for?

The target ages are from 5 to 8. But children as young as 4 and as old as 9 have enjoyed the book as well. I’ve even read the book to a couple of three-year-olds. One three-year-old sat all the way through it very attentively, but for another little boy, I had to quickly summarize what was happening on each page so he could turn it to see the action on the next page. When I finished, however, he turned the book back to the beginning and said, “Again.”

The illustrations are captivating so even when the words are a little too many, the pictures draw them in.

Children in the target age range enjoy reading the book over and over . . . even when it’s not Easter. Since children are now learning to read at an earlier age, they can read it by themselves too.

What do you hope children will get out of reading The Bunny Side of Easter?

First of all, I hope they will be so thoroughly delighted with the story and characters that they will want to read the book again and again.

But more significantly, I hope children will—first of all—grasp the power of prayer and realize that God is always present with them and loves them very much.

And—secondly and most importantly—I want children to appreciate the awesomeness of what the bunny did in his willingness to sacrifice himself to save the angel and how that is similar to what Jesus did for us on the cross at Easter when He died so we might live forever. I think children become even more captivated with the bunny’s sacrificial act because the story shows his struggle with the enormity of the decision.

Finally, just as the Easter bunny is a hero in the story, I want children to see the allegorical significance in that Jesus is the most amazing hero of all.

Who did the illustrations?

Marilee Harrold Pilz is the illustrator, and she did a wonderful job of capturing my vision for the book. As soon as I saw samples of her art, I fell in love with her style. My dream was for the artwork to have a Winnie-the-Pooh kind of look. Marilee paints with watercolor, and when I saw her work, it was exactly what I wanted—a perfect match for my own style of writing.

Why should a parent or grandparent give The Bunny Side of Easter to their child for Easter?

On Easter morning, as parents and grandparents watch their children scurry about the yard looking for Easter eggs, many feel a disconnect between the legend of the Easter bunny and what their children will be taught in Sunday school a couple of hours later. As parents, we struggle with how to explain Easter to our children anyway, let alone mixing it up with the whole Easter bunny business.

The Bunny Side of Easter fills this gap, taking children on an exciting and charming adventure with hints of allegory that points children to the true significance of Easter. Through the charm and appeal of story, The Bunny Side of Easter brings the complexities of Easter to life for a child at his own level by combining bits of allegory and the character of the Easter bunny to introduce the concept of Jesus as our hero.

Children love heroes and when you can use this story to show them how Jesus was a hero, they see what Jesus did in a wonderful new way they can relate to.

The wife of the senior pastor of a large church in Central Florida with 20,000 worshippers said it best when she told me “I read the book to our four-year-old grandson, Luke, last night and he absolutely was enthralled with the story! Such a beautiful job of capturing the heart of what it means to sacrifice for others; a tough concept for all of us, but especially for children. The book led us to a great talk about Jesus’ sacrifice making Him the greatest hero of all.” (Becky Hunter, wife of Joel C. Hunter of Northland, a Church Distributed.)

What is your ultimate goal for this book?

My ultimate goal is for children to come to an understanding of what Jesus did for them on the cross and then to want to ask Jesus into their lives as savior. My website has a discussion guide called “Let’s Talk,” which can help a parent or grandparent use the book for a deeper discussion with their child about what Jesus did on the cross. There are additional tools also that can actually walk children through to receiving Jesus as their personal savior.

Where Can I Buy The Bunny Side of Easter?

The book is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and many other stores. People can also purchase an autographed copy on my website and receive a free puppet for each book purchased.

Find out more about The Bunny Side of Easter

Discuss this book with your child

Lead your child to Christ

Find out more about the rabbit in the moon

Read “What Does the Moon Have to do with Easter” on Woman to Woman Mentoring

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Favorite Easter Picture Books For Children

March 8, 2015 by Leave a Comment

2015 - Bunny Side of Easter, etc 002As Easter displays spring up to replace Valentine ones that came down a couple of weeks ago, I love to start meandering through bookstores to peruse children’s books for Easter on the holiday table. I’m always on the lookout for those special Easter picture books to give to my grandchildren when we get together to celebrate. While candy and Easter egg hunts will always be a big hit with our kids, a good Easter book can add something much more meaningful to their Easter experience and provide enjoyment from year to year as well.

So in case you’re trying to find that extra-special Easter book too, here’s a list I’ve put together of my ten favorites.

 

Bunny Side of Easter Cover 200 w borderThe Bunny Side of Easter by Linda W. Rooks, illustrated by Marilee Harrold Pilz. An exciting adventure about an ordinary rabbit whose act of heroism makes him the Easter bunny and the rabbit on the moon. Lost in a forest on Easter eve, a mischievous rabbit, a plucky duck and a playful monkey face a fearsome tiger. Through bits of allegory and the heroism of the bunny, children discover the love and sacrifice of what the Easter story is all about, pointing them to Jesus as the biggest hero of all. For ages 5 – 8.

Legend of the Easter eggThe Legend of the Easter Egg by Lori Wahlburg. Story of a boy whose sister is sick with scarlet fever. He has to stay with other people on Good Friday, and he’s worried she will die. He asks about the Easter egg and hears the story of the resurrection and how the egg reminds us of how Jesus broke free from the tomb of death just like the chick breaks free of the egg. Last page has traditions and symbols of Lent and Easter. For children ages 4 – 7

The Very First Easter by Paul MaierThe Very First Easter by Paul L. Maier, Illustrated by Frank Ordaz.
Beautiful illustrations accompany a child-friendly telling of the actual story of Easter.  As a child listens to the Easter story, he asks some difficult questions which are answered by the story-teller to enhance a child’s understanding of Easter. For family reading or religious education. For ages 5 – 10

The Three TreesThe Tale of Three Trees by Angela Elwell Hunt. Three trees dream of what they will someday become – a holder of treasure, a fine ship, and a hilltop beacon pointing to God. As the years pass they are disappointed when life doesn’t turn out the way they hoped. But in a surprising way, their dreams do come true, although not in the way they expected, and God’s plan unfolds in a beautiful way. Told as a folktale about three trees. For ages 9 and over.

 

God Gave Us Easter God Gave Us Easter by Lisa Tawn Bergren, Illusrated by Laura J. Bryant. Little cub is stunned to hear her Papa say that Easter is even better than Christmas. On a walk, Papa Bear uses an Easter egg, an uprooted tree, and evidence of new life in a pinecone to tell the Easter story of how Jesus was the root of Jesse who came to die and to rise again so that we would have the chance to go to heaven, where we will see Him face-to-face. For ages 3 – 7.

The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story The Berenstein Bears and the Real Easter Eggs by Stan Berenstein and Jan Berenstein. Brother and Sister go on an Easter egg hunt and find a nest of hatching eggs. They are thrilled at seeing “the wonder of Easter and the message of new life.” For ages 4 – 7.

 

The Sparkle EggThe Sparkle Egg by Jill Hardle, Illustrated by Christine Komacki. On Easter morning, Sam feels guilty even though he’s been forgiven by his parents. When he opens his Sparkle Egg expecting a surprise, Sam finds it empty. His parents explain that the emptiness of the egg represents the emptiness of the tomb that first Easter day. Because Jesus died and rose again and left an empty tomb, we are forgiven. And so is Sam. Sam realizes that letting God’s gift of grace into our hearts allows us to sparkle and shine with God’s light.

The Best Thing about Easter byThe Best Thing About Easter by Christine Harder Tangvold. Talks about all the fun things about Easter and concludes by showing how Jesus is the best thing of all. Good at bringing the Easter story down to a child’s level of understanding. For ages 4 and up.

 

 

My Very First Easter board bookMy Very First Easter by Juliet David, Illustrated by Helen Prole. Tells the story of Jesus from Palm Sunday through Easter day. This is part of the Candle Bible for Toddlers series and pairs simple text with bright and friendly illustrations to teach the very young about Jesus’ death and resurrection–perhaps for the first time. Ages 3 – 5

 

 

My Easter BasketMy Easter Basket: and the True Story of Easter, a board book by Mary Manz Simon. The colors in the Easter basket remind the child reading this book of different parts of the story of Jesus and Easter. Features a rhyming format, bright colors, glitter art, and a die-cut shape. Ages 4 and up

 

 

As you make your plans to celebrate Easter this year, don’t forget to include some good Easter picture books for children in your kids’ Easter baskets to add special meaning to their understanding of what the day is all about.

To add some extra special fun to your Easter plans with the children, visit Bunny Side of Easter on Facebook. You’ll find craft ideas for the kids, recipes, party ideas, decorations, stories, and more.

For more information, visit http://bunnysideofeaster.com

What book are you putting in your child’s Easter basket this year?

Happy Easter to you and your family!

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Forgotten and Overlooked

January 26, 2015 by 18 Comments

child playing gameSometimes when I recall that desperate time in my life that was shrouded in confusion and pain at the beginning of my husband’s and my separation, I see a young face in the shadows of my memory. As I look back now, I spot expressions of confusion and pain on her face too. But my overwhelming distress at the time shut her out from my conscious awareness. She was hurting, and I was her mother. But I was too overwhelmed with my own raw emotions to reach out to help her.

It’s a sad memory for me, filled with regret.

I say this because I know some of you are in that place too. In the midst of the turmoil in the home and your own unhappiness, one thing that is often forgotten and overlooked may be your children. While your own mind spins in upheaval, they watch in lonely bewilderment. Their anchor is gone. They feel their security slipping away and they don’t know where to turn or what to do.

This is one of those times when our weak humanity feels all too frail and fallible, and as parents caught in a swamp of emotional pain, trying to hold ourselves together may be about all we can muster, and yet . . . there is someone else, young and vulnerable . . . watching and disoriented. . . depending on us to be strong.

And that is the problem with trying to do it all on our own.

We can’t.

In my book, Broken Heart on Hold, I speak of such a moment early on during the separation between my husband and me.

“Finally, when my tears were exhausted and my anger was spent, I cried out in despair to God.” p. 20

Yes, in despair I cried to God. As I struggled in the weakness of my independence to hold everything together, I woefully discovered it is only God who can hold us together. Only God can guide us on the right path and give us eyes to see those young faces in the shadows.

In troubling times, our children absorb a lot from our emotions. In our bad moments, emotional garbage eats into their hearts and minds and festers there. They need God just as we do. They need to discover God’s love and provision when they are floundering in the wilderness of chaos.

My neighbor Faith set a good example for me when her husband left her and their two growing boys. While she read Christian books and sought help from a number of other Christian sources to make herself strong, she also hunkered down with her sons on the bed at night and answered their questions. She read uplifting Christian stories with them, listened to CDs together in the car, and spent time with them individually to find out how they were feeling–both emotionally and spiritually. Faith encouraged them that with God’s help, they would get through this time.

With a tasteful balance between openness and discretion, she kept them in the loop of what was happening as the separation from their father continued. God was her focal point. In her bed late at night, she wept bitter tears, but during the day she gave honest encouragement to her sons. Attention to her boys did not waver. Although they could see her pain, they also saw her trusting God. I know Faith’s testimony produced much-needed faith into their minds and hearts, which will strengthen them during their own trials in years to come.

If you are struggling through a painful time in your life, remember your children. Pray for them and look for resources for them. You can find books like those offered in my last blog interview, or a previous one where I talked about The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black, and others I will be mentioning in the future. Watch positive, hopeful movies together. Talk to your children. Give them hope that God is in control so that whatever happens He will provide for them in their needs.

Also, find other people and resources to reassure them that God has a future for them and plans for them (Jer. 29:11), and that “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). Help your children seek God when they feel discouraged. As they watch you go through times of trouble, they learn themselves how to cope. Your example teaches them lessons they will be able to apply to the rest of their lives.

 

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Interview with Karen Whiting, Author of The One Year My Princess Devotions and The One Year Devotions for Active Boys.

January 14, 2015 by 8 Comments

princess coversmall_original-1 - WhitingIn the craziness of our lives, we can sometimes overlook the need to provide resources to help our children navigate through their own challenges and disappointments. This week, I am interviewing Karen Whiting, author of two new devotional books for children, The One Year My Princess Devotions and The One Year Devotions for Active Boys. Karen is an international speaker, award-winning author of 19 books, and former host of the television series Puppets on Parade for Miami educational TV.  Last year The One Year My Princess Devotions won the 2014 Christian Retailing Best Award in children’s nonfiction. Karen has graciously offered to give one of each of the books away in a drawing among those who make comments at the end of this blog.  If you make a comment, please let us know which of the books you’d like to receive.  I know your children will love these books. So comment away.

Linda: Karen, I know you’ve written many devotionals, for both women, military families, and children. Why do you feel devotion books are important for children?

Karen: Devotions provide an easy way to connect to God on a daily basis. Starting them young helps children develop a lifetime habit of spending time with God. When they are young it gives them a continual sense of God’s presence. Through a year of studying God’s word, many topics are addressed and there’s always the sense of God’s interaction.

Linda: Every book has a unique focus or slant. What is unique in each of these two books for children?

Karen: The princess book focuses on showing girls that a real princess is one with virtues and good character traits who puts God’s word into action. This shows girls how to apply God’s word daily.

The book for Active Boys is interactive. Each day includes a fun activity (jokes, puzzles, secret code, experiment, weird facts, awesome activities, liftoff-list, etc). The activities Devotions for active boys-1 - Karen Whitingare actually paired with the devotional focus to reinforce the message. They also allow boys to do something fun and many build skills. The liftoff-list is a self-assessment for boys to reflect on how they are doing that lets them see and choose good deeds and actions or reflect on how they are developing as men. It can develop a habit of reflecting on actions and thinking about good choices.

Linda: I understand that, as a mother of five, you did devotions with your children as they grew up. What benefits did you see as a result of that?

Karen: Besides cultivating their faith (and they have strong faith), the other benefits amazed me. The devotions developed their cognitive skills, increased their vocabulary and reading comprehension, and helped them be able to converse better.

Linda: Some little girls who feel abandoned by their father, when he has left the home, need reassurance that they are valuable and loved. Would you’re My Princess Devotions fill that need for them? If so, how?

Karen: The My Princess Devotions goes beyond thinking of Mom and Dad as family to thinking of being part of the larger family of God. Many days the prayer starts with “Dear Father King” or “Father God.” That can help girls know they have a heavenly father and a bigger family that includes people in their church. About once a month there is a devotional that includes the words mommy or daddy but it is not a constant usage. Many days, the action step focuses on doing something for everyone in her family as a gentler focus on the ones who do live with them.

There are over a dozen devotions that talk about being sad as well as many that talk about forgiving people or being hurt. These are opportunities for moms to chat about the sadness or hurt her daughter is experiencing because her dad doesn’t live with them or may not communicate often. Through being real and open about problems, girls can heal and feel whole.

September 12 talks about how God is with us even when we have trouble and bad days. That sense of God’s love is throughout the book. When girls experience pain, knowing God cares and loves them helps them.

Linda: Feeling rejected by his father can have a devastating effect on a little boy. Are there ways your Devotions for Active Boys might compensate for that feeling and help a young boy grow stronger through this traumatic period?

Karen: Devotions for Active Boys provides many devotions that encourage boys to move beyond hurt and pain. There is a story (Aug 23) about the singer Jason Gray’s stuttering that began when his parents divorced. The devotion shares how God called Jason to speak and sing in public.

Quite a few stories use experiences of fathers and sons that should serve as role models for boys who don’t have dads actively involved in their lives. Moms should encourage their sons to think about growing up to be great dads and how they can have such experiences with their future sons. Jesse Florea, the co-author, grew up without his dad after his parents divorced. He has a passion for providing a role model for other young boys that he himself did not have, and I know this comes through in the stories in the book.

Other days provide action steps to help overcome hurt (Dec 1 is one example with an acrostic for a healthy heart).

Linda: How else can these devotional books help children whose families are in the midst of turmoil?

Karen: The books show stories of God’s people in turmoil and even the death of Jesus. These devotions are all opportunities to start dialogues with your child. The stories that bring up sad events or bad days (even for Job and other Bible characters) provide opportunities to talk about the reality of what’s happening in your child’s life.

Devotions for Active Boys includes many real stories of people who overcame and others who may not have had happy endings but found peace in God. For example, there’s a true story of my son who had a 24/7 migraine for eleven years, a mountain climber who has two artificial legs, and the true story of how someone stole my son James’ new bike, which was ultimately replaced with a used bike. These stories can bring hope and the determination to persist.

Linda: How can we make the gift of a child’s devotional special and precious so our children will treasure doing it daily?

Karen: I believe it is best to give the child a devotional as a special gift. Have a favorite meal and at the end give them the book all wrapped up. Let them know it is a gift that will help them with their life. For young ones, plan to read it together. For older children, let them choose to do it alone or with you, but make a point to ask weekly what devotions they enjoyed most. We do want boys and girls to own their faith so at some point we want them to spend time alone with God. You can still have a weekly family devotion time even if they are doing devotions on their own as they grow. As my children hit the teen years we did devotions together at least three times a week.

Linda: Is there a way for children in broken homes to use these devotions to involve the missing parent?

Karen: First of all, the prayer time can be a time to pray for the absent parent.

Secondly, you might tell the other parent what your child is doing and suggest that he/she buy a copy of the book also to read daily to enable them to chat about the book with their child.

Thirdly, for those children in communication with their dads, I’d encourage moms to have their young daughters draw pictures of the devotion and fax or scan and then email it to him.

Similarly, for sons in this situation, encourage them to write in a special journal they make for their dads and let the boys show their dads what they’ve written when they get together. Another possibility would be for the boys to text their dad about the devotions. It’s important to keep lines of communication as open as possible.

Linda: Thanks Karen.  Where can people find out more about these books?

Karen: Information can be found on my website at www.karenwhiting.com

 

 

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In God We Trust

July 2, 2014 by 9 Comments

???????????????????????????????A few weeks ago I was horrified to read in the newspaper about two twelve year old girls who lured their friend into the woods after a sleepover and tried to stab her to death. Afterwards, one of them told police she had no remorse. “I guess it may have been wrong,” she said.  The other girl said that when she heard the victim’s screams, “The bad part of me wanted her to die. The good part of me wanted her to live.”

Twelve year old girls?  Trying to kill their friend?  And all because of a fictional character they followed on the Internet.

The perverse ludicrousness of the story seared my brain with incredulity. How could girls as young as this fall into such evil?  How could their minds be so warped and depraved?

The answer came as quickly as the question. Because they don’t know God.  Because they have probably not been taught what is right and what is wrong.

If their families don’t go to church . . .

If schools are forbidden to talk about God . . .

If it’s unlawful to post the 10 Commandments on the wall of a courthouse or the walls of a school . . .

How do they learn what is right and what is wrong?

As adults, I think many of us just assume children will grow up knowing that murder is wrong. That is a basic moral code, right? But if there is a vacuum in their religious education and they spend most of the time on the Internet, juxtaposed with a couple of hours in front of the TV and a weekly outing to the movies, where are they learning their values?

George Washington Was Right

More and more I think we are seeing that George Washington was right:

“Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”  George Washington.

In a world where a majority of children are growing up without any Christian education, our own children become more vulnerable as well.  And as we go through our own struggles, and particularly if crisis strikes, we are often unaware of the enormous battle being waged for their souls.

However, if we allow God to draw our hearts nearer to Him in the midst of crisis, we may actually develop a heightened sensitivity to our children’s needs.

This happened to Faith when her husband left and asked for divorce.  As the insecurities of change threatened her middle-school sons, she searched for a way to connect with them and encourage them to look to God for strength.  Together, they began listening to and discussing CDs of The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black, which brings the Bible to life through the glory of battling knights in a medieval setting and is sometimes described as a Pilgrims Progress for the Xbox generation. Many evenings, as the boys hunkered down on the bed with her, she answered the hard questions and talked to them about what it meant to follow God into the future. Other times she spent one-on-one time with each of them to take their spiritual and emotional temperatures. Through honest conversations and spiritual encouragement, she not only helped them cope with the domestic heartache rattling their world but instilled God’s Word into her boys to prepare them for the challenges they faced in a public school environment.

Engage With Our Children

In a world where many forces vie for our children’s minds, hearts, and loyalties, it’s more important than ever that we engage with our youngsters. They need to feel our support and love as we take time to discuss important issues with them so they can clarify their own values and beliefs and articulate them with genuineness and intelligence to their friends.  We need to pray with them for wisdom and discernment in an academic world that is frequently hostile to the Christian faith.

Yes, there is cause for concern.  But as we look to God for wisdom and direction, there is also a reason for hope.  Our very own children may indeed be the hope that is found in unexpected places.  As we tackle our problems and encourage our children with God’s Word to see His provision, we teach them to be strong in their faith, that God is the conqueror, and that He will help us–and them– to overcome.

This 4th of July I pray that the words “In God We Trust” will be more than a motto we see on a dollar bill, or even a creed we share with our countrymen, but that it will be a belief that is emblazoned on our hearts so that regardless of what happens in our world or our country, we as Christians can continue to hold firm and say with conviction “In God We Trust.”

“In my view, the Christian religion is the most important and one of the first things in which all children, under a free government ought to be instructed … No truth is more evident to my mind than that the Christian religion must be the basis of any government intended to secure the rights and privileges of a free people.”  Noah Webster, Preface Noah Webster Dictionary, 1828

More George Washington quotes at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_washington.html#ozeWbhea38uP1cxu.99

*To readers who don’t live in the U.S.: Please bear with me this week as I recognize our national holiday by focusing on issues of national interest. Next week I will feature another powerful author interview on Avoiding 12 Relationship Mistakes.

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A Thank You to Dads Who Persevere

June 13, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Brent_and_DaddyAS FATHER’S DAY DRAWS NEAR, I want to recognize a particular group of dads who may approach the day with a bit of apprehension.

These are dads I sometimes get emails from who are persevering even in the midst of separation or divorce. Their wives have left or asked them to leave, and the pain of being separated not only from their wife but their children is tearing them apart.

In some situations, of course, the wife has had a good reason for her actions, but whether this is true in his particular case or not, the man I pay tribute to today has taken this to God, understands how he has erred, sought forgiveness, and is taking the necessary steps to become the man God created him to be.  In the meantime, while he tries to rebuild trust with his wife, he is attempting to be a good dad to his children.

Dads who are separated or divorced have an especially difficult task, and I say kudos to those who keep their promises, make the effort to be a part of their children’s lives, show up for baseball games and dance recitals, is respectful of their mother in spite of the situation, and tries to maintain consistency in their child’s life while the child is shuffled between two different households.

Being a good dad is important to him. While he is aware of his failures, he wants with all his heart to be a good dad. He wants his children to be proud of him and know that he loves them. He doesn’t want to disappoint them. He wants to overcome the challenges.

So instead of criticizing his wife, he is humble and honest about his own shortcomings as God reveals them to him. He doesn’t try to drive a wedge between the children and their mother and prays with the children that God will use these adverse circumstances to bring good into their lives according to Romans 8:28, which says, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” And without expectations from his wife, he continues to take appropriate responsibility in the home.

These are dads who are doing everything they can to let God change them into the men He created them to be, who step up to their role as fathers and become stronger men in the process, showing their children how to handle life’s challenges and failures. By seeking God and looking to Him for guidance, by humbly admitting mistakes, and honestly confronting their issues without blaming and being defensive, they become an example to their children of humble, honest, and godly manhood.

So this Father’s Day, I want to say thanks to the dad who rises up to become the man, the dad, and the husband God has called him to be, putting behind him the insecurities and failures of the past and pressing on to follow God and to be an example to his children of the power of God’s redemption.

And on this week of Father’s Day, I also have a message for those of us whose fathers are still alive and able to receive our love.  Although mine has been gone for 25 years, my heart still yearns for the opportunity to redo my conversation the last time I spoke with him. We take certain things for granted and may not express our love today because we always figure we can do it tomorrow.  But sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come.  To read my article about my dad and me, you can read it on the website of Valley Living for the Whole Family Magazine.  http://www.valleyliving.org/2014/05/words-unspoken/  The article is called, “Words Unspoken.”

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Filed Under: Children, Divorce, Fathers, Feeling unworthy, Goals and Resolutions, Marital separation, New Directions Tagged With: , , , , ,

When A Child Comes . . .

April 2, 2014 by Leave a Comment

And Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me.”

Carson praying 1Although I normally minister to adults, my own testimony begins as a child. When I was eight years old I knelt beside a bed with my grandmother and prayed to receive Jesus into my heart. It was very real to me, and from that time on, the foundation for my life became rooted in Jesus. When I go back and look at memorabilia of my childhood and youth, I find the thread of that decision weaving through everything. God was my anchor and lead me through life—I may have followed imperfectly at times—but He was always there to keep my foot from slipping too far off the path He had chosen for me.

Because this is my testimony, I know Jesus does indeed love little children. And when a child comes to Him at a young age, I know that child will have an anchor to hold onto throughout life. With this as my experience, my new children’s book, The Bunny Side of Easter, brings me back full circle to when I began my own Christian walk.

While the book is a fun adventure story about how the Easter bunny came to be, it carries deeper undertones—hints of allegory—that I pray will point children to Jesus.

God wants children to come to Him at an early age so He can guide them, lead them and undergird them with His love and strength when they encounter trials and hardships.

He wants to grow them strong in Him and sharpen their understanding about the power of prayer as they face both the common and uncommon problems in life.

God wants to be with them through life so they can become all that He created them to be

 “Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. (Luke 18:16)

Yes, Jesus said to bring the little children, but for some of us, we wonder . . . when a child comes, what do we do?  It is sometimes difficult for us as adults to know how to broach the subject with young children and lead them to a decision for Christ. Can children truly understand what Jesus did for them on the cross?  If they make a decision, is it sincere and real?

As young as I was when I received Jesus as my Savior, I still remember how meaningful that decision was for me at the age of eight. I was excited about it and told my friends about “giving my heart to Jesus.” I even recall engaging in a debate with an unchurched friend about what it meant.  Because of my own experience, I know that a child’s heart is ready to receive Jesus as his or her savior and that a lack of intellectual maturity does not negate a child’s spiritual readiness for God.

As Keith Miller said in his book, The Taste of New Wine, when we accept Jesus as our Savior, we give as much of ourselves as we can to as much of God as we understand.

Starting a Conversation

Even knowing this, we may still flounder around as we search for a creative and meaningful way to actually lead children into a deep discussion about God so they can appreciate the significance of asking Jesus to be their savior?

One of my hopes for my children’s Easter book, The Bunny Side of Easter, is that this fun adventure story with hints of allegory will point children to what Jesus did on the cross and open up a deeper discussion with parents and teachers. I want this book to be more than an entertaining and exciting story.  I want children to get a glimpse of what Easter really means—about the new life Jesus gave us when He offered Himself up on the cross. My website, bunnysideofeaster.com includes a discussion guide as well as a child-focused testimony and explanation of what Jesus did for us at Easter and a sample prayer that a child can pray to receive Christ.

It is my earnest hope and prayer that The Bunny Side of Easter will open the door to a deeper conversation with many children to help them understand what Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross meant for them. For when a child comes to Him, Jesus will receive him or her with open arms and stay with him throughout life.

You can see more about The Bunny Side of Easter at http://www.bunnysideofeaster.com

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Filed Under: Children, Easter, Prayer, Receiving Christ, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Interview with Margot Starbuck, author of Not Who I Imagined, Surprised by a Loving God

March 5, 2014 by 16 Comments

Untitled-19Today, I’m interviewing Margot Starbuck, speaker and author of five books. We’re talking about her new book, Not Who I Imagined, Surprised by a Loving God. If you leave a comment from now through Sunday, I will enter your name in a drawing for a free copy of Margot’s book.

I started browsing through the book myself and soon became fascinated with what she has to say. Before I knew it I had read through two chapters.  Margot’s writing style is fresh, easy to read, and full of stories that lead you into a better understanding of the true nature of God’s love.

 Feeling Abandoned and Unworthy of Love

Linda: Margot, I’d like to start off with a little bit of your story.  You’ve said that losing caregivers to divorce is one of the things that shaped your view of God, and that because of that and other things, you gave God a face that said you weren’t worth loving or sticking around for.  Consequently, you weren’t able to trust a God who was truly with you and for you.  Could you tell us more about that? How could your caregivers have handled that better?

Margot:  As an infant, my first parents relinquished me for adoption. My dad left when I was six. My parents both remarried and those marriages ended by the time I was 15. What I learned about trusting people was that they went away. And, because we learn from people whether a reliable “Other” is with us and for us, I gave God the same face.

I’m so glad you asked how my caregivers could have handled it better. Each one—stuck in addiction, or violence, or mental illness—was doing the best they could at the time. What I wish they’d known was how very valuable it is to children to reflect the reality they’ve experienced.  A loving face that says “I’m so sorry you had to experience that,” or “I wonder if that felt scary to you” helps a child make sense of her experience and let’s her know that she’s worth protecting, nurturing, loving.

 Linda: I worked for an adoption agency for a time, and I know one of the things we encouraged birthmothers to do was to write a letter to their baby, telling them about themselves and why they made the decision they did to place the baby for adoption. Usually, an adoption decision is made out of love, not abandonment, but a child needs help to understand that.  I can’t tell you how many times I watched a birthmother cry her heart out as she relinquished her baby for adoption, but she knew the adoptive parents could care for her child better than she could at the time. It was truly a case of sacrificial love. Would it have helped you to get a letter like that?

Margot: You make a great point: there are so many instances when a parent’s absence—as a result of relinquishment, military service, disease, or death—shouldn’t necessarily be interpreted as abandonment. But, to a naturally egocentric child, they often are.

I was definitely told that my birth parents had loved me, but since we didn’t talk about them, they always seemed like—in the words of Donald Miller—“mythical creatures.” Like dragons! I think that if I’d received a letter like that, and my family had helped me talk about my feelings and losses, on special days like birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc., it would have helped.

Surprised by God

Linda: What happened that surprised you and changed your mind about God?

Margot: About ten years ago I was at the bottom of the pit. I was depressed and was really suffering emotionally. Into that darkness, when I raised my fist at God, God met me in one of the most palpable ways I’ve ever experienced.

I heard God speak four words: “I am for you.”  Later, more words, “I am the One who is with you and for you.” When I was still resisting, believing they weren’t from God, I saw a picture of Jesus on the cross. That’s what sealed the deal. In the moment, I knew that God wasn’t the Father who cavalierly sacrifices his kid, but this was the Father who gives his own life out of love for me.

I’d been a Christian for years, but that’s when I was at last able to separate being “loved” by fragile human people and being “loved” by One whose love does not, cannot, fail.

Linda: Though Christians will say God has redeemed them, your book talks about the fact that many of those same people have a hard time believing that God loves them here and now. You get pretty upset about this. Why?

Margot: I do think that we’re willing to say that God accepted us in the moment of our salvation—when we prayed a prayer or were dunked under water—and we’ll believe that when we die we’ll be received in heaven.

But what about now?!

Because so many of us live with shame, it’s harder for us to believe that God loves us, exactly as we are and not as we should be, now.

I hear God’s gentle whisper saying, “Now. Just as you are. I love you now.”

Linda: Speaking of shame, one of the big themes of Not Who I Imagined is that we can be set free from shame. What do you mean by shame?

Margot: By “shame” I mean that sense that we’re not quite acceptable as we are. It’s that voice that whispers in our ears that if we were a little bit better than we actually we are we would be, at last, worth loving.

That’s not God’s voice.

God’s voices says, “You are mine. You are worth loving.”

That’s the voice to listen to. And as we choose for that voice in every moment, as we agree with the voice that is true, we’re set free from shame. Thanks be to God.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Linda: You suggest that some of us give Jesus and his Father the masks of “good cop” and “bad cop.” How does that impact the way we live and the way we relate to God?

Margot: As we search for the face we give to God, and we’re honest, some of us think that God’s face looking down on us is a little bit disappointed with our subpar performance. The divine expression communicates that God wishes we were a little different than we actually are. In the secret places of our hearts, we’ve given Jesus’ father a mask of judgment.

However, we’ve seen the children’s picture Bibles where Jesus is frolicking happily with children. He clearly delights in them! And we’re a bit more willing to believe that Jesus loves us.

Yet when Philip asks Jesus to show the disciples his Father, Jesus says, “I’m it! If you’ve seen this mug you know exactly what my dad looks like!”  (John 14:8, sort of)

There’s not “father of judgment” and “Jesus of love.” Same face!

Linda: What do you mean when you say we discover who we are in the faces of those around us?  Also, you talk about faces that lie and faces that tell the truth. Can you explain this?

Margot: Yup. The way that we discover who we are—whether we’re worth holding and feeding and nurturing and loving—is from the faces around us. Recent research on motor neurons has confirmed the ways that we register and record the faces of our earliest caregivers. If they found us unacceptable, we’ll find us unacceptable. If they found us worth loving, we’ll believe we’re worth loving.

Because God’s face says, definitively, that we’re worth loving, the faces that condemn, the ones that abuse, the ones that fail to confirm our inherent belovedness are all faces that lie.

Children, who are naturally egocentric, believe that what they get is what they deserve. Until a gracious face shines upon them, they may not know that the face that rages is one that lies about their worth. Whether it’s a grandparent or a teacher or a neighbor or an aunt, every one of us needs to see a human reflection of the Holy Face that shines on us.

 Helping our own Children

Linda: When we go through tough times in our marriage, particularly a separation or divorce, it’s inevitable that our children will be affected in some way. What can we do to provide that gracious face to them to ease their feeling of rejection and keep them from feeling they are unlovable?  Particularly if a parent has left, how do we help them see God’s loving face instead of the face of the parent who is leaving them?

Margot: It took a lot of therapy for me to learn the answer to this one!

It’s now my understanding that children can weather a lot, if they have one thing: a helping adult presence to reflect reality for them. That’s the mom who curls up in bed beside her child and whispers, “I’m so sorry you had to hear us fighting. Were you scared, baby?”  It’s the dad who acknowledges, “I miss you so much now that I don’t live in your house. It makes my heart really sad. I wonder what it’s like for you?”  It’s the parent who reflects, “I feel really angry that you’ve had to endure this. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you right now. Do you want to tell me?”

When a parent—either the parent who leaves or the one who stays—appropriately reflects concern and sadness and anger, I think they do show a child what God’s face is like.

Linda: That’s great advice—very helpful. How can people connect with you on the Internet?

Margot: I love connecting. Facebook is a good place, or www.MargotStarbuck.com

Note: By leaving a comment anytime between today through Sunday, March 9, your name will be entered in a drawing for a free copy of Margot’s book. Only those in the continental U.S. are eligible for the drawing because of shipping expenses, but you are always welcome to leave a comment.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Children, Depression, Doubt, Interviews, Lonliness, Love, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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