Goals and Resolutions Archives - Heart Talk with Linda Rooks

Find Direction by Setting Goals

January 3, 2024 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

woman's back as she sits looking at sunset

Photo by Allef Vinicius

WHEN LIFE THROWS us a curve ball we may find ourselves off balance. It’s hard to find direction. At these times it can help if we become intentional by sitting down and setting specific goals – both short term and long term ones. New Years is a great time to do that.

If you’re feeling off balance and are looking into a 2024 that feels uncertain and unsettling, I suggest you print off this page, get a pen, a Bible and a cup of coffee and sit down prayerfully to map out your hopes and goals for the new year. Ask God to give you direction as you hold onto His promises and look at the different areas of your life. When doubt and uncertainty rocks your world, setting goals for yourself can brighten the path ahead.

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Cor. 13:4-7

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father…” Col. 1:10-11

If you’re feeling off balance because of what’s happening in your marriage and need to set some specific goals for moving forward, you might find direction in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Filed Under: Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, New Directions, New Years, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized Tagged With: Feeling lost, hard times, hope, New Directions, seeking answers, what to do

The Hope of TODAY

February 6, 2023 by Linda Rooks 6 Comments

IN MY UPSTAIRS HALL, family pictures line the wall, photos tracing our genealogies into past decades. I stand looking at a picture of what I believe to be my great-great-great grandmother. I try to recall her name, but must refer to the big family Bible to discover it. In another photograph of my husband’s ancestors, a large family grouping of young and old, stand around the matriarch seated in front. None are smiling, but on that day they were alive with hopes, disappointments, and ambitions, with the future stretching out ahead of them.

Now their future has become our past, and I look upon their likenesses and wonder what their lives were like. I wonder if they achieved their dreams.

They lived and breathed from year to year in a world that was palpable and real . . . in an expanse of time that was THEIR time. They probably felt it would go on forever. It was their generation.

But eventually their lives ended and a new generation took its place.

And now it’s our turn.

And it’s our time. But like the generations before us, our lives have a beginning and an end.

Our Turn

When we are in our prime, it seems we will live forever. There is so much life to live and so much to achieve. Dreams rise up before us and lure us on, beckoning us to follow into the future. But time marches on and before long, we wake up to find our bodies not functioning as well and realize we are getting older. Whether or not we managed to surmount our obstacles and attain our dreams, another generation is coming along behind, dreaming new dreams and eager to conquer fresh frontiers.

“All people are like grass,” says Isaiah,
“and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field.
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.” (Isaiah 40: 7-8)

In this window of eternity we call our lives, each of our days is a gift from God, each brand new, beginning with a sunrise unlike the one before. And as we live today to the fullest, not in fleeting pleasures or empty and futile worry, but by submitting our lives to God’s bigger picture, TODAY can become a jewel in our crown.

The Happy and the Difficult

Regardless of whether these are happy or difficult days, each one is a gift that God has given to grow us and enlarge our vision of Who He is. Sometimes we will praise Him in the happy, glorious days of success and fulfillment, and other times we will seek him from the valleys of despair, but whichever place we find ourselves on any particular day, it is part of the journey of our life God gives us for TODAY. And it’s a gift.

I love how Sarah Young expresses God’s heart in Jesus Calling: “Some of My children find Me more readily during dark times, when difficulties force them to depend on Me. Others feel close to Me when their lives are filled with good things. They respond with thanksgiving and praise, thus opening wide the door to My presence. I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to Me. Go through each day looking for what I have prepared for you. Accept every event as My hand-tailored provision for your needs.”

And therein lies our hope. Our challenge is to seek God each and every day as a Gift from Him and let Him use our time on earth to the utmost of our highest calling.

Perhaps one day in the future a great, great grandchild will find my picture in a photo album or on the wall and not recall my name. But even though our names may eventually be forgotten on this earth, our hope transcends this world of withering grass. For on some future day when rainbow colors streak across the sky and God’s music fills our soul, we as God’s children will find our names remembered and recorded in a living book, the Lamb’s book of life. At that time we will be taken to an eternal place of beauty where our deeds become lyrics for a song. Then we will join with all those other generations to celebrate God’s bigger story, the story we can choose to be a part of TODAY as we make choices now to live the part He created us to play.

And one day“the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” (Isaiah 40:5)

If your hope for today is diminished because of heartache in your marriage, let God speak hope and encouragement to you through my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It’s a book to heal the brokenhearted.

Filed Under: Goals and Resolutions, God's Word, Hope, How to win, New Directions, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: future, geneologies, generations, hope, today

New Year’s Choices – Which Way Will I Go?

December 31, 2022 by Linda Rooks 4 Comments

An arrow going both directions, requiring choices AT THE START of each New Year we find ourselves in a different place than the year before. While some things are the same, others have changed. Over the course of our life, a metamorphosis takes place with each year adding and subtracting. But we hardly notice the changes from one day to the next. Change comes gradually.

Some of the change is due to natural physical progression, like getting older and children growing up. Other change results from unexpected calamity that rocks our world, or unexpected, hoped-for blessings that give us wings of joy.

But some of this change involves our own choices . . . some big, some small. In Robert Frost’s famous poem, “The Road Not Taken,” the poem concludes with:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Each choice we make—even the little ones—causes our path to diverge ever so slightly.

New Year’s Resolutions

This is the time of year for New Year’s resolutions, the time of the year when many of us assess where we’ve been and where we want to go. Sometimes we tend to make resolutions that are a little hard to attain or just out of reach. But more accurately, we can regard this as a time of choices and setting goals. With new beginnings come new opportunities. As you clear the slate of this past year and look ahead to a new one, what will you choose to do? How will your path diverge from where you are now?

As you begin this new year, I encourage you to ask for God’s guidance in making the choices that will lead you into the year ahead. To help with this, I’ve provided a goal setting guide with scriptures that can help you think and pray through each area of your life and develop practical ways to reach the objectives you establish for the year ahead. I invite you to print them out so you can keep them where you can continue to pray over them throughout the year.

If you set goals or resolutions last year, how did it turn out? What will you do differently this year?

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

Robert Frost – The Road not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

If you have seen big changes in your marriage this year and need to find direction on the road to take from here, I encourage you to check out my two books for those whose marriages are in a troubled place. Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, will help your heart find healing so you are stronger and able to make wise choices on the road ahead. Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated gives you the tools that can help you make positive choices that help restore your marriage.

From Heart Talk by Linda W. Rooks

Filed Under: Christmas, Goals and Resolutions, New Directions, New Years, Uncategorized Tagged With: Choices, Christmas, Decisions, New Years Resolutions, seeking answers

Delays and Waiting

September 27, 2022 by Linda Rooks 3 Comments

IT’S AMAZING TO ME how often God uses delays and waiting to bring blessing to those He loves in the stories of the Bible. But I’m struck by the fact that God also often uses these delays to test the hearts of those in waiting to see if they are worthy of the blessing he is about to bestow.

Although God promised Abraham to make him the father of nations, God waited to fulfill that promise until Abraham was very old, and during these years of waiting, God tested His faith before blessing him with a son.

Sarah, his wife, also received this promise. Although she believed God in theory, she doubted His ability to fulfill it for her personally because she was past the age of bearing children. She decided to “help” God by coming up with an alternative solution. But by taking things in her own hands, she caused huge complications not only in her own family, but in the family of nations to this very day.

Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, and her husband Zechariah, were righteous in God’s sight, and yet God did not bless them with a child until they were well along in years. But because of their faith, the child they bore in their old age was especially chosen by God to point people to Jesus, and today they continue to be some of the heroes of our faith.

Hannah was denied a child while the rival wife of her husband, who had children, lorded it over her. Year after year Hannah suffered the indignity of infertility, but when she wept before God in the temple and sought His blessings, God heard her prayer. After many years of barrenness, she gave birth to the prophet Samuel, whom she dedicated to the Lord with a humble and thankful heart. Then God blessed her with three more sons and two daughters, and when Samuel grew up, he provided godly guidance to Israel for many years.

After Saul became king, God had Samuel test Saul’s obedience and faith by asking Saul to wait for Samuel to come to sacrifice to the Lord before he went out to battle. But Saul didn’t wait. He took matters into his own hands, and because of his refusal to wait for God’s timing, he lost what would have been for him a kingdom for all time, and a nation was plunged into many years of turmoil.

God made David wait also. Even though God anointed him and promised him the kingship. David spent many years running for his life as enemies pursued him with the intent to kill. Hear David’s agony as he cries out in Psalms 22:1-2, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer.” It took many years before David was crowned king, but in the waiting David became strong. His heart grew more closely knit to the Lord, and when he took the throne as king, he was a man after God’s own heart.

Often we must wait as well.

When things seem to be going downhill, when our nation seems to be falling apart, perhaps we are simply in a period of waiting. God may be testing our hearts to see if his people will humbly follow him or if we will rise up in arrogance to do things our own way.

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “If my people, which are called my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”

When the problems in our country and our world begin to weigh us down, perhaps it is time to examine our own hearts as well as our personal lives. Are we waiting in faith for God to meet our needs? Or taking things into our own hands? Each of the examples above tells a story of personal anguish and longing, but the faith or lack of faith of these individuals impacted not only their own lives but the lives of generations to follow. Nations were affected.

We often see our lives and our problems in isolation. But each of us play a part in a larger story. God tells us in 2 Chronicles that He will heal our land if we humble ourselves, pray, seek His face, and turn from our wicked ways. He is not only speaking to us corporately, but individually as well. The way we exercise faith in our daily circumstances affects much more than we realize.

When trouble comes, do we humble ourselves and wait on God?

How would our story read in the annals of faith?

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

In my new book – a suspense thriller called Pieces of Dark, Pieces of Light,- the suspense, the drama, and even the very dark pieces all come together with the light of God’s truth to create beauty. If you’re ready to take a break and enjoy a little fiction, check it out.

Filed Under: disappointment, Doubt, Goals and Resolutions, national concerns, Prayer, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: faith, fear, Feeling lost, hard times, national concerns, prayer, trust, unanswered prayer

Instead of Resolutions . . .

December 29, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

INSTEAD OF MAKING RESOLUTIONS this year by looking back at what’s past, let’s look to the future and the good that can come from everything we’ve learned. Instead of making resolutions to just be better, let’s shed the remnants of 2020 and 2021 and move ahead into new opportunities for growth, health, and relationships.

It’s time for a fresh start. What are your hopes for the coming year? What are your aspirations? What are your dreams?

While looking through the seven areas of your life listed below, please read the accompanying scripture and allow the Lord to speak to your heart about all He’d like you to do in 2022 in each specific area. Then think of the practical steps you can take to reach that goal. Instead of resolutions, let’s surrender our hearts to God and let Him give us new perspectives on the possibilities that lay ahead. With God’s help we can make 2022 our best year yet.

GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL ASPIRATIONS

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY ASPIRATIONS

Practical Steps for Achieving:

IV. CAREER OBJECTIVES

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL ASPIRATIONS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Look, I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5 NLT).

If you are struggling to understand how to move ahead in 2022 because of problems in your marriage or family, I encourage you to check out my latest award-winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Filed Under: Goals and Resolutions, New Directions, New Years, Uncategorized Tagged With: Goal Setting, Making changes, New Directions, New Years, Resolutions

Planning Ahead in 2021

December 30, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Jude Beck

As we happily throw away last year’s calendar and move on from 2020, it’s time to go to God and seek direction for 2021.

The grand plans we had for 2020 may have gone awry when the pandemic hit, but we can use it as a good reminder of what scripture tells us in Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” We don’t know what the future holds, but as Christians we know Who holds the future. We can make our resolutions. We can make our plans. But only as we give them to God will God’s best for us succeed.

So let’s include God as we set our goals for 2021.

The Goal Setting Guide below provides an opportunity to set goals in seven areas of your life. As you think over the past year and look ahead to the future, I encourage you to read the accompanying scriptures and pray over how God may be leading you in 2021.

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

If you are struggling to understand how to move ahead in 2021 because of problems in your marriage or family, I encourage you to check out my latest award-winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Filed Under: Covid, disappointment, Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, How to win, marriage, New Directions, New Years, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: Goal Setting, hard times, hope, New Directions, New Years Resolutions, seeking answers, what to do

A Waste of Time

June 25, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Jon Tyson

After spending the morning pulling weeds, I sat on the porch and gazed out at our yard. Was all my effort pulling weeds a waste of time? Would they all grow back? I thought of the many hours I had spent over the years pulling weeds only to have to go back before long to pull more. A weed magnet—that’s our yard. I could never get them under control.

Was it just a waste of time?

With that question lurking in my mind, I sipped some iced tea and began leafing through a magazine. My eyes fell on an article about missionaries working in an unnamed country with very strict laws. Recent regulatory changes required the missionaries to acquire a building and meet very high standards that would take time to develop, They weren’t sure they could do it before their visas expired. The article told of the many months that passed as they prayed and searched their host city for a property that met the very detailed specifications. After a number of potential arrangements fell through, they grew more and more discouraged. But then, right at the last minute, they found what they needed and were able to meet all the specifications. They called it a miracle.

All the time it took them, I thought. It seemed a waste of time. They were missionaries. They were praying, and yet . . . it still took time.

So was it a waste of time?

I am so project oriented I often measure the success of my days by how much I accomplish on my list. Time is important to me. I hate wasting time—especially when the computer freezes up or I misplace something and have to look for it—or a hundred other things that seem to take longer than necessary. Some of you may feel having to stay home during this pandemic has been a waste of your time.

But the strange thing is: God doesn’t seem to care if we waste time. When I think about how long it took for my first book to get published even though it’s now helped so many people, when we think about the story of the missionaries or many other instances in which someone has been praying for a long time for their marriage to be reconciled or their health to be restored, we can’t help wondering, “Why doesn’t God answer immediately?” He certainly has the power to do it. Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to everyone for the prayers to be answered quickly? After all they are PRAYING!

But when I ponder over that question, I realize time doesn’t seem to be God’s biggest concern.

God seems more interested in something else.

To begin with, 2 Peter 3:8-9 reminds us, “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

So for God, the process is apparently more important than our timetables. First, He wants those in our sphere of influence to “come to repentance,” to come to salvation so they can become children of God.

Secondly, He is interested in how we go about trying to achieve our goals. What are we doing while waiting—or looking for something lost? Grumbling? Complaining? Angry at God or others? Slumping into depression? Or are we using this time to come close to God and ask for direction and counsel? Perhaps He wants to use this time to refine our characters and help us grow closer to Him. Do we pause and pray? Seek answers from scripture? Talk to Christian friends? Praise Him in the midst of our trials? Are we growing in some way?

James 3:8 instructs us to: “Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 3:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

Perhaps God’s purpose for allowing us to trudge through the process is reflected best in Paul’s instruction to the Philippians. “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:12-13)

Finally, 1 Peter 2:5, shares God’s ultimate purpose and design for these unwanted periods of “wasted time.” For those of us who are Christians, 1 Peter 2:5 says, ”you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”

All in the Process

Our Christian life is in process. God wants to continue to grow us so we can win the race and be all that we can be when we enter His kingdom. What we consider a waste of time may actually be an opportunity to dive more deeply into God’s purposes. God is more interested in the process we are going through than the achievement of our goals. For in the process, He wants us to turn to Him and use our times of uncertainty to come closer to Him in relationship.

The same is actually true of my weeds. Although I often begrudge the need to do it, my work pulling weeds often becomes a special time with God. In those quiet moments, if I’m listening, God speaks to me through the mysteries of His creation and teaches me more about life, love, and how to know Him better.

So is it a waste of time? No, it’s all in the process. If we’re listening and seeking, if we want to win the race, God can use those lost moments of wasted time to show us more of Himself.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

If you’ve been praying for your marriage and you still don’t know if reconciliation will take place, you may find help in my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. There’s hope even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

Filed Under: disappointment, Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, How to win, Knowing God, Time with God, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: Goal Setting, peace, seeking answers, unanswered prayer, worry

When Dreams Aren’t Coming True

September 26, 2019 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

One morning I sat on my screen porch praying and seeking God. Discouragement hung heavy on my heart. One of my life dreams just didn’t seem to be coming true. Writing had been my passion since the sixth grade. I wrote for the school newspaper in junior and senior high. I majored in creative writing in college. My desire to be a writer stuck with me continuously through life, even as various detours caused that dream to drop by the wayside again and again. Some of those detours were God driven, and I willingly followed His lead, using my passion for writing in each of those endeavors. Gradually, local opportunities surfaced.

When the bottom dropped out of my life through a heart-breaking three-year separation from my husband, God began to prepare my heart to go deeper into Himself and into the plans He had for me.

In the year 2000 after my husband and I reconciled, the doors opened for my writing. I published my first article in HomeLife, then Focus on the Family. I became a contributing writer for Tapestry, a Walk Thru the Bible devotional for women. More significantly, through the heartache I had suffered during our separation, God planted seeds of healing and grace that resulted in my writing Broken Heart on Hold. Four years later, I received my first book contract for it. Through the trauma of heartache, my dreams were finally coming true.

But like so many of us I was satisfied for only a little while. Eventually, I wanted more. The book proposals and drafts I wrote for two more books went nowhere. My agent faithfully persevered with me through one rejection after another. The rejections were kind: “She writes well,” “Great concept.” Etc. But they were rejections, and I didn’t understand why God was not allowing me to publish other books that would lift up His name.

A New Revelation

That day on my screen porch as I prayed and spilled out my heart to God in disappointment, I asked God why, why had I not received the blessing I was seeking. As I prayed, a scripture came to mind that had been hooked into a tab at the top of my bathroom mirror for years.

“If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask what you want and it will be given to you” (John 15:7).

I had glanced at the scripture often. Abiding. Abiding with God. Yes, that was something I desired and tried to do.

“I’ve done that, Lord,” I said aloud. “I have abided with you. Through all those painful times, I abided with you. I pray all the time. You know that, Lord.”

In the stillness of my heart God answered me. “But that’s only a part of the promise, Linda. Yes, you’ve abided in me. But what’s the last part? And my words abide in you.” Have my words abided in you?”

My mind immediately skipped back to a Beth Moore Bible Study I had recently completed and a story she had told in her Breaking Free video where she told about a woman to whom God abruptly and forcefully spoke an admonition into her heart and mind saying, “Get in my Word!”

Those words resonated with me now too. God’s voice came through loud and clear in the recesses of my mind. I suddenly saw what was lacking: it was not only my knowledge of scripture, but my time reading His Word. I was not consistent with daily Bible reading. Oh, I had read through the New Testament a few times, but only once had I read all the way through the Old Testament. And I knew they are oh so connected!

So it came as a shock to me when I realized that although I had gazed upon that scripture on my mirror for years, I had missed an important part of it.

Abiding

Acting upon my new revelation, I got in God’s Word. I began spending time in the scriptures each day. I meditated on the verses I read. I enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship, a wonderful, in depth study that digs down into God’s Word and plants His truths deep into the hearts of participants. Although God’s Word had been alive to me before, through time in more intensive Bible Study and meditation, the scriptures themselves began to live in my heart and mind so I could begin to pull them up when I needed God’s wisdom.

As time continued to unfold, I saw that God was teaching me an important lesson about our dreams coming true. When we expect God to grant our desires, but our dreams aren’t coming true, we may be missing something God wants to show us. In fact, He may have plans for us that are bigger than ours. His purposes for us may reach higher than our own limited vision allows, and we are not yet ready to receive them. That is what I saw happen to me and my writing.

This year, when I published my third book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I saw God’s hand in it at every level. A few weeks ago, when it won the Golden Scroll Non-fiction Book of the Year Award from AWSA, an association of distinguished Christian authors, I praised God that His ways are perfect and so much better than mine. He knew the plans He had for me. He knew the book He wanted me to write and publish that could bless people’s lives, families, and marriages in important and transformational ways. His plans were bigger than mine, and as I grasped hold of what God wanted to teach me, He allowed my dreams to come true in ways that surpassed my expectations.

He has plans for you too. If your dreams aren’t coming true, you may not be able to see what God is doing right now, but perhaps you too need to hunker down in His Word and let it come alive in your heart so you can see His bigger purposes unfold in your life.

What dreams do you have that aren’t coming true? What do you feel God saying to you about this right now? I love to see your comments.

If you are struggling through a difficult time in your marriage, please check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated

Filed Under: BOOKS, Desire, disappointment, Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, God's Word, Prayer, Trusting God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized Tagged With: books for marriage, confusion, God's Word, prayer, seeking answers, unanswered prayer

Interview with Kathy Collard Miller, Co-author of Never Ever Be the Same

June 8, 2016 by Linda Rooks 19 Comments

Sometimes we know we need to make changes in ourselves, but just don’t know how to do it. Two years ago, Kathy Collard Miller and I were co-leaders of a workshop at a national conference where she shared insights on why we do some of the things we do and how to make changes. In her new book, Never, Ever Be the Same, Kathy and her husband Larry Miller develop those ideas further and take us into a fascinating look at the whys and hows of character changes we need to make. Kathy is author of over 50 books and an international speaker. If you’d like a FREE copy of her book, we’ll be doing a drawing on Tuesday among those who make comments at the end of this post.

Linda: Kathy, if you summarized your book Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today, what would you say?

Kathy: There is hope for making changes in your life by recognizing the source of ungodly reactions, and that includes your marriage and relationships!

Linda: That sounds exciting—and hopeful! Tell us more.

Kathy: We answer the question, “Why do I do what I do?” and “Why do I keep doing what I said I’d stop?” So often even when we’ve prayed for God’s help, we just can’t stop making hurtful and harmful choices. My husband and co-author, Larry, and I wanted to help readers identify the underlying reasons for those responses. Using the book’s principles, we’ve found progress in our own lives and marriage and we want to share what we learned so that we all can trust God more.

Linda: Is this a marriage book specifically?

Kathy: No, the focus is not marriage but we include many examples and applications for marriage and relationships, primarily because most of life is our reactions to other people, especially in the closest relationships. For instance, Larry sometimes asks me, “What were you thinking when you did that?” Because of experiences from my childhood, I vowed to never feel or be seen as stupid. When Larry asks me that question, it feels as if I’m hearing, “You must be so stupid to have thought that!” And I get angry! He didn’t say or mean to say I’m stupid but I overreact to him because of that “wound” in my childhood.

Linda: Is there a story behind your book?

Kathy: Oh yes. Ten years ago a very good friend of ours went to a seminar where he learned how to give “soul care” counseling. As he described it to Larry, Larry asked, “Do you think Kathy and I would gain something from it since we often give counsel to couples at couples retreats?”

Our friend said, “Oh, yes” and we went.

We didn’t realize that not only would we be taught how to give soul care to others through our lay ministry, but we would also be given soul care for ourselves by our teacher.

We received the training through a ministry called Journey Companions Ministries (www.journeycompanionsministries.org) and we highly recommend it. We learned to examine our hearts and discover our underlying motives—and then trust God more. We also began giving soul care counseling in our home to others and we discovered what was effective. That’s what we share in our book. We’ve seen God use our book and our counseling to draw others closer to Him.

Linda: How is your book different from other books that tell people how to make their lives better?

Kathy: The difference we see is that we don’t advise people or couples what to do or not do. We help them examine their heart’s motives. For instance, we help them see if there are idols, “railroad tracks,” wounds, wrong beliefs, and sinful, self-protective strategies in their lives. We share lots of stories from our own lives and from the lives of others who have been impacted by these ideas, including many married couples. We also point out Biblical principles that reveal what’s going on in our hearts. For instance, God tells his people in Jeremiah 2:13 that they keep drinking the muddy water of broken cisterns when He offers them a fresh living spring. We help our readers discover the ways they are drinking that muddy water and how to go to God’s living spring of abundant life.

Linda: You mentioned “railroad tracks” earlier. I’m intrigued. What do you mean by that?

Kathy: So often we say something like, “Oh, I trust God completely but I’m worried that my husband won’t make wise decisions for us.” When someone tells us that, we hear two conflicting thoughts, and we ask whether they see how trusting and worrying are the opposite. We may think we have a “mono rail” in our hearts of only trusting God but there’s actually two rails like railroad tracks: worrying and trusting. Only when we identify that we have opposing reactions can we see how we’re not living as close to God as we think and then make changes.

Linda: Tell my readers another concept from Never Ever Be the Same.

Kathy: We refer to being “hooked” as any reaction that is the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). So often our ungodly reactions seem normal or “benign” because we’ve been reacting like that for so long. It seems there’s no other way to react. In order to ask God to change us, we need to recognize how we’re being selfish instead of “loving;” believing God won’t come through for us instead of “joyful;” disgruntled instead of “peaceful.” You get the idea. It’s amazing even to Larry and I that we can call a sinful reaction “no big deal.” But every ungodly reaction hurts ourselves and others. It separates us from God’s empowerment to love and value others, especially our spouse.

Linda: You also talked about “wounds.” What do you mean by that and how is it important?

Kathy: We have seen that difficult or traumatic things that occur in our childhood or even in adulthood can create wrong beliefs. We usually don’t recognize there are lies as a part of that wound. For instance, when I was in third grade, I fell on the playground face first and shattered my top two front teeth. One of the many thoughts that came into my mind was, “God allowed that to happen. He must not love me and he can’t be trusted.” As a child, I didn’t know how to counteract that “message” which was a lie. I attended church but had already begun believing God was waiting for me to become perfect before He could love me.

To try to figure out life, I created a self-protective sinful strategy of perfectionism. I decided that if I could become perfect I could have a happy life. When I became a Christian at age eighteen, it was hard to believe God really graciously loved me with no strings attached.

Linda: How did that affect your marriage?

Kathy: When Larry and I married, I expected Larry to be my perfect Prince Charming. When he wasn’t, I believed he had fallen out of love with me and I reacted with anger and unrealistic expectations. Because of Larry’s own childhood wounds, he withdrew from me because he felt out of control, unable to make me happy. We were in a downward spiral. We praise God that He healed us and we’ve been married over 45 years. We are able to meet each other’s needs in better ways now because we don’t get “hooked” with each other as often.

Linda: What do you suggest in your book for healing of the wounds and lies?

Kathy: First of all recognizing what motivates each of us. Then we must acknowledge how we’re not depending upon God and ask for forgiveness and be cleansed each time we get hooked.

Secondly, surrender to whatever God wants for us, even if it seems scary to not defend ourselves. For instance, in those times Larry says something like, “What were you thinking?” and I start to “hear” “I’m stupid,” I can slow down my reaction and believe the truth: even if Larry sees me as stupid, I have the mind of Christ and God doesn’t see me as stupid. I can also express what’s going on inside of me to help me see if I’m having “railroad tracks.”

Both repentance and surrender are a part of the process of sanctification and we’ll have to make those wise choices over and over again. But in time we’ll turn our attention to God more quickly.

Linda: Kathy, I know that you’re a speaker as well as a writer. Where can readers find out more about you and your ministry?

Kathy: Yes, thanks for asking about my speaking. Since I gave my first presentation in 1980, God has opened doors for me to speak in 31 states and 8 foreign countries. I’m amazed at what God has done. Your readers can learn more at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Remember to make a comment for the chance of winning a FREE book.

Filed Under: BOOKS, Feeling unworthy, Goals and Resolutions, Interviews, Marriage problems, mistakes, New Directions, Problems, Uncategorized Tagged With: Goal Setting, Making changes, New Directions, seeking answers

Love & Care For The One and Only You – Interview with Author Michelle Medlock Adams

January 6, 2016 by Linda Rooks 5 Comments

As you shrug off the last vestiges of 2015 and walk into a new year, many of you are asking yourselves what lies ahead and how you should approach the new challenges. Sometimes the first thing to do is simply start where you are—with you. Michelle Medlock Adams wants to help you begin that journey through her book, Love & Care For The One and Only You by providing inspiration that will help you face your tomorrows with health, hope, and confidence.

Michelle is an award-winning journalist, speaker, and best-selling author, earning top honors from the Associated Press, the Society of Professional Journalists and the Hoosier State Press Association. Author of over 70 books, her book, Divine Stories of the Yahweh Sisterhood, was named a Family Christian Bookstores Premiere Pick in 2006. I’m so pleased to be able to start off 2016 by interviewing someone whom I believe can give you a positive and practical focus for launching into the New Year.

Linda: If you had to summarize what your book, Love & Care For The One and Only You is about in just a few words, what phrase would you use?

Michelle: Striving for progress, not perfection.

Linda: Sounds like something we can all happily relate to. Elaborate on that, would you?

Michelle: Of course. I believe when we accept the fact that we’ll never be perfect, it’s so freeing. It’s true, we will probably never have that perfect supermodel physique, but we are perfectly loved by Almighty God! Once I realized that truth and began striving for progress, not perfection, I could celebrate the little goals I was achieving on this health and fitness journey. That brought joy to the journey, and that changed everything for me. I believe it will change everything for those who read my book, as well.

Linda: What prompted you to write Love & Care For The One and Only You?

Michelle: Well, when I was in journalism school at Indiana University, I was always taught to “Write what you know,” and I know the struggle is real when it comes to achieving a healthy life in all areas—spirit, mind and body. But, I also know the secret lies in God. Exercise gimmicks and gadgets, diet pills and potions, and fad diet programs will all fade away, but God’s Word remains forever true and jam-packed with wisdom. I wanted to communicate those truths in a way that was non-judgmental and encouraging, and that’s why I felt compelled to write this book.

Linda: How is your book different from other health and fitness books in the marketplace?

Michelle: This is not your typical “go for the burn” “be more disciplined” “work out more, eat less” fitness book. This is an inspirational devotional that encourages women to become the best version of themselves; to strive for progress, not perfection; and to live a happier, healthier life. I want women who read my book to realize that they are precious to God and that their lives matter, which is why they need to become healthy and whole to fulfill their individual callings. Whether a stay-at-home mom or a businesswoman, we can accomplish more and be happier if we’re spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy. Women shouldn’t just go through the motions of life exhausted, but rather enjoy every day life empowered!

Linda: I so agree with you there! I know you’ve written more than 70 books—many specifically for women—is your latest book similar to any of your other devotionals for women?

Michelle: Love & Care For The One and Only You is probably most similar to my 60-day devotionals (Barbour) called, Secrets of Happiness and Secrets of Beauty. However, Love & Care For The One And Only You is my first inspirational title about becoming spiritually, emotionally and physically fit.

Linda: How did your personal background/experiences prepare you for the writing of this book?

Michelle: My personal background plays into the writing of this book because I have always been and am currently a certified fitness instructor. I love helping women get healthy! And, I love encouraging others—whether that’s through personal training, speaking at churches and women’s events, or through the words in my books. Plus, I am in the trenches with these readers! I’ve battled self-esteem issues much of my life, and I know how the devil works, whispering in our ears that we’re not good enough. But I also know that through His Word, we can be confident that we are more than enough! That we are conquerors! That we are the head and not the tail! That we are the apple of God’s eye! That we are empowered and able to do all things through Christ Jesus! And, that our Heavenly Father treasures us!

Linda: Who is this book for, specifically?

Michelle: Love & Care For The One And Only You is written for women who are discouraged, disgusted and disillusioned by the supermodel fitness expert offering weight-loss and exercise advice. Like me, they have probably tried and failed at numerous “fool-proof diet plans” and started and quit more exercise programs than they care to admit. They are busy with endless responsibilities. They want to eat better and live a healthier life but many have given up.

My book is for successful business women, moms, grandmoms and women who have been subjected to fitness programs and diet plans that required so much and gave back so little. Unrealistic expectations, ridiculous and restrictive rules, and unattainable goals may have left many of my readers without hope, without vision, and without a workable solution. My message is one of hope, vision and workable solutions, equipping them with the power tools it takes to become healthier spiritually, emotionally and physically. I know these readers because I am one of these readers. I’ve lived it. I’ve learned it, and now I’m sharing it with the other women who desperately need faith, hope and fitness.

Linda: How does caring for yourself contribute to resolving relationship issues?

Michelle: You know, I believe that when we get healthy—spiritually, physically and mentally—we become better in every area including our relationships. Personally speaking, when I feel better about myself, I am more apt to try new things and be more engaging and adventurous in life. I am just happier and more fun to be around, which in turn, makes my spouse happier. In addition, getting healthy can be a great way to bond with your significant other. I speak about that in my book, actually. My hubby of 24 years, Jeff, and I love to go on walks together and hit the gym as a couple. We also love to cook together, trying out new healthy recipes side by side. He’s actually a better cook than I am, but don’t tell him I admitted that, haha. (There are healthy recipes included in my book!) We achieve healthy goals together, and we celebrate those achievements together which makes them even more meaningful.

Linda: Are there times when caring for yourself can actually have a detrimental effect on relationships? Can we overdo the idea of caring for self?

Michelle: I think we can overdo anything in life and it can become detrimental. If we become too self-absorbed, then that can definitely be a negative in our relationships with God and with our families. It’s really all about your mindset. If you’re simply working out and eating healthy so that you can fit into your skinny jeans and feel hot, then your mindset isn’t where it should be. Fitting into your skinny jeans and feeling good about yourself are certainly benefits from making healthy choices but they shouldn’t be your sole motivation. Caring for ourselves is vital so that we can better care for (and enjoy) those precious people in our lives, as well as fulfill our destinies here on earth. If we are too tired or feel too awful in our bodies, then we won’t have the energy to fulfill all that God has for us to do in this lifetime.

Linda: Any parting words?

Michelle: I so wish I could physically be there to go on this health and wellness journey with each of the ladies who picks up my book, but it’s the next best thing. I’ve prayed over this book, and I so believe it’s from the heart of God. Lastly, if you’ve talked yourself into thinking that the status quo is as good as it gets, I’m here to tell you that is not the case. You can be happier, stronger and healthier in 2016, and you can enjoy the journey! I just want my sisters out there to go into this New Year excited and encouraged.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Michelle: You can learn more on my website at www.michellemedlockadams.com

Filed Under: BOOKS, Feeling unworthy, Goals and Resolutions, health, Hope, How to win, Interviews, New Directions, New Years, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, confidence, Goal Setting, health, New Directions

Find Direction by Setting Goals

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

The Hope of TODAY

Our Turn

The Happy and the Difficult

New Year’s Choices – Which Way Will I Go?

New Year’s Resolutions

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

Delays and Waiting

Instead of Resolutions . . .

GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL ASPIRATIONS

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS

III. FAMILY ASPIRATIONS

IV. CAREER OBJECTIVES

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

VII. SPIRITUAL ASPIRATIONS:

Planning Ahead in 2021

A Waste of Time

When Dreams Aren’t Coming True

A New Revelation

Abiding

Interview with Kathy Collard Miller, Co-author of Never Ever Be the Same

Love & Care For The One and Only You – Interview with Author Michelle Medlock Adams

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