Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

May 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

Share
Filed Under: comfort, Death, Depression, Fear, God's goodness, Grief, health, health issues, joy, Lonliness, loss, national concerns, Peace, Problems, stress, Uncategorized, weariness Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, Interview with Author Rebecca Carpenter

May 7, 2020 by Leave a Comment

As I begin this interview with author Rebecca Carpenter, over 68,000 people are reported to have died from Covid 19 in the United States and over 259,000 throughout the world. The subject of dying is not far from our minds. But for some of us the subject is far too personal. Loved ones have died, and whether or not they died from Covid 19 or another cause, they have been taken from us. We grieve for them.

When Rebecca Carpenter’s husband died six years ago, she grieved also, but in the midst of her grief God brought a comfort to her she didn’t expect. Her book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, has brought comfort and solace to many, and I pray it can also comfort some of you who have lost loved ones.

Linda: Rebecca, what prompted you to write a book on grief?  

Rebecca: I certainly didn’t plan to write a book about grief. For years, I wrote devotionals about nature and articles for my church, magazines, and anthologies. Sometimes I sent emails of my work and printed out stories for friends. When people commented that they enjoyed reading my writings, my son set up a blog for me.

After I retired, I spent hours on my patio watching wildlife and getting ideas for my devotionals. My husband Alan and I traveled around the world so I also wrote about our trips. He constantly encouraged me to write. My parents often told me how much they liked what I wrote.

Difficult situations changed my life. Mother’s health deteriorated. Leukemia, diabetes, and other health issues curtailed her normally active life.

Not long after that, Alan learned he had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. For a while his symptoms were mild. But they increased and our traveling stopped. Even normal daily activities wore him out. Except for doctor visits, he stayed home.

While I dealt with both of them, my dad’s health also declined. For years, he fought to regain strength after heart surgeries, knee surgeries, cancer and multiple other health problems. But when constantly visiting my mom in the nursing home, he had multiple strokes and never fully recovered from the major ones.

My life consisted of caring for Alan and taking care of financial and health matters for my parents. Stress joined me every day. Writing provided a release for my pain and grief at knowing I was losing them.

Within eleven months, all three passed away. Writing every day helped me deal with my losses. When I shared my writings, friends told me to put my devotionals into a book.

At first I resisted because writing a book seemed overwhelming.  But over and over, I heard I should do it. Finally, I felt God telling me the book would help others who were grieving. Only then did I realize I had to do it and God would help me.

Since Alan, mom and dad had encouraged me to write, I felt a book on grief would be a tribute to them.

Linda: Why did you choose the title Ambushed by Glory in My Grief? 

When I was mourning the loss of my husband, my mom, and my dad, God often showed up in wonderful but unexpected ways. 

At times, I felt foggy and unfocused. Just when I thought I was handling grief well, a memory, song or situation threw me back into sadness and tears. It helped just to discover my feelings were normal, which I learned by attending Griefshare, a Christian support group for people who are grieving. At Griefshare, I learned grief ambushed me.

When I shared my writings and my need for a title in my writers critique group at Word Weavers International, one of my fellow writers suggested this title. It was perfect.

Linda: Does your book cover represent anything special?

Rebecca: Yes, it does. With God ambushing me over and over with surprises of His glory, I wanted to show light with the darkness. I used a picture of sunrise over my lake.

The lake calms me and constantly provides beauty and lessons from His creation. Sunrises, eagles in the trees, ducks on the lake, flowers of all kinds are a few examples. I feel blessed every time I look out over the lake and know God is with me through all kinds of circumstances. I wanted my book to show that even in dark times, Jesus shows up as the Light.

Linda: How did Alan’s illness affect your marriage?

Rebecca: We had only been married three years when he received his diagnosis. However, we dated for seven years before our marriage, which was the year we both retired.

Because we both had been single for a long time, we didn’t jump into marriage again quickly. I had been single for sixteen years and he was single for twenty-six. When we finally married, we looked at things differently than we would have as youngsters. Although both of us had our own ideas of how to do things, a sense of humor helped prevent major struggles.

We enjoyed working together, traveling and going on mission trips. He always looked out for me and took care of chores I had been used to doing myself as a single parent. I felt pampered. I loved doing things for him too.

After our last mission trip, he felt worse. When we visited his doctor, Alan shocked me by asking the doctor how long he had to live. Although I knew he was more fatigued, I didn’t want to admit the terminal disease was taking his life. Our time together was supposed to be much longer.

The doctor said, “Six months.”

I could hardly breathe. Somehow, I made it to the car and picked Alan up from a wheelchair in front of the building. I had become his caregiver. No longer could he take care of me like I was used to. I hated the role reversal and so did he.

When we got home, he called hospice and they came out that day. He began his journey of dying with a purpose. On a legal sized paper, he wrote a long list of items to accomplish for his limited time. Most of what he wrote benefited me. He wanted to make life easier for me before he died and after he was gone.

Every day, I think of how much he loved me and showed it by using his limited energy for tasks like making phone calls to insurance companies, buying a new car and bike for me, and giving away some of his clothes.

There was sadness during his final months, but our love for each other pushed it to the side. We wanted to make the most of every day. We didn’t argue or complain but enjoyed being together.

Unfortunately, the doctor was wrong. Alan only lived two months longer and not six.

Linda: It sounds like Alan did indeed take care of you, even in those months before he died. Since that time, how has publishing your book changed your life?

Rebecca: Frequently, I hear from people who have read my book and have been encouraged. There is a ripple effect as they give my book to others who are grieving. People open up to me in their pain because they know I understand.

I feel compassion in a new way for those with losses. My heart hurts for them. Because I have been comforted, I can do the same for them. I ask God each day to show me who I can help and frequently, it is someone who is grieving.

Linda: Have you finished grieving after six years?

Rebecca: No. However, the grief is less intense and more like an ache instead of a sharp pain. Ambushes still occur but less frequently. Last year on Alan’s birthday, I cried easily for two days. The year before I didn’t cry at all. I have learned grief is unpredictable but so are the wonderful ambushes of God. He has been with me through the entire process and enables me to reach out to others who are grieving.

Linda: Where can people find your book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, and how can they find your blog?

Rebecca: People can find my book on Amazon in both print and kindle formats and also in some local Christian bookstores. I’d love to have people visit me on my blog at http://rebeccacarpenter.blogspot.com

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Death, faith, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, Lonliness, loss, New Directions, Peace, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Living in Lockdown

April 16, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Life is crazy and unpredictable right now. The world feels like it has turned upside down. Most of us are in lockdown and can’t leave the house. We can’t go to work. Students have to do “school” from home. We can’t even work off steam by going to the gym. We may be scrambling for food and other items we need – toilet paper anyone?

But sometimes when we feel completely out of control, God has the best opportunity to do some of His greatest work. Our own agenda and our own self-will often blocks what God wants to do. In our busy schedules, we put off time seeking God and push forward trying to do what “we” know is best . . . whatever that is.

So what does God want to do in our lives in the midst of this lockdown?

In my book, Broken Heart on Hold, I talk about taking a coffee break with God when times of marital chaos interrupt our life. Perhaps what’s happening all over our country now gives us another opportunity to take a coffee break with God .

Where is God leading you right now?

If you have extra time during this lockdown, take a day with God. Spend quality time with Him in His Word. Ask Him to shine a light on the path ahead where He will guide you to encounter His very best.

Start your day by praising Him, remembering the blessings He has given you in the past. “The Lord inhabits the praises of His people” (Psalm 22:3). When we praise God, we invite Him to participate in our lives, to enlarge our vision, to give us hope when hope seems far away from everything we see. And as our heart begins to open to His Word, we will see new things He wants to teach us; we will feel His presence; we will find prayers on our lips for those around us who need His touch. A time that seems enveloped in darkness can be illuminated by the light of God’s truth when we open our hearts completely to His leading.

Where is God leading you this week? How is He speaking to your heart?

Use this strange time of solitude and lockdown to find the answer to that question. Sit down with your Bible and a journal and write down what you believe God is speaking to you. Listen to praise music. Invite Him into your presence. Meditate on His Word. Maybe find a new Christian book to read. If you want suggestions, you can scroll through past author interviews I’ve done on my blog to find a book that meets a need.

God may unwrap new mysteries to you as He sheds light on your journey ahead and the path He wants you to follow.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, and a light on my path.”  Psalm 119: 105

Share
Filed Under: God's Word, Hope, Knowing God, Lonliness, national concerns, New Directions, Peace, Praise, Time with God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Searching for Meaning

August 14, 2019 by 2 Comments

In the last couple of weeks our collective hearts have been sideswiped by what transpired in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Two mass shootings in 24 hours.  How could that happen? And why?

As I walked through my local Walmart on the weekend to buy bacon and bread, I thought about the panic and terror that must have taken place along aisles where everyday people took part in everyday activities that day—picking out produce for the family meal, selecting a new outfit for their child to wear to school, maybe buying a backpack. Nobody expected gunshots and death in the middle of the aisle.

And all of us are asking why and what can be done.

Many theories abound about the cause and the cure. We’ve all heard them – been bombarded by them, in fact.  But the theory that hit me hardest over the last two weeks was when someone said there is a hole in America’s soul.

As I listened to various news programs, others expanded on this by describing the search for meaning by America’s youth, resulting in too many of them wondering if there IS any meaning. Statistics were laid out showing that huge numbers of young millennials have often never attended a church or synagogue, live in families that are splitting apart, frequently have no father involved in their lives, and attend schools where the mention of God is prohibited.  With empty hearts and a crushing sense of self, they immerse themselves in video games, look for acceptance on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or grab onto a political ideology to fill up the hole in their hearts to give them meaning. Some – too many—simply find no meaning. Suicide rates among young people have escalated dramatically. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death for that generation.

Driving back home in the car, a song peeled across the airwaves. “I have only one life to live,” the singer crooned. The words seized hold of my mind and wouldn’t let go as I thought about these young people, lost in a world without meaning, seeing themselves as unloved and unimportant. They have only one life to live and it’s being sucked up in the winds of disillusionment and hopelessness. They don’t know there is more to life and they are giving up on it.

My heart aches for them. Because I know there is meaning. I know there is love. And I yearn for them to find it.

Searching for the Meaning

The woman I interviewed on my Heart Talk blog last week told her own story of searching for meaning and the depression that overtook her life because she couldn’t find purpose.  Despite tremendous achievements, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a lovely home, she was drowning in depression and ready to take her life. But it all changed in one dramatic moment.

What happened? What made the difference?

She found Jesus.

Jesus transformed her heart, her life, her future. In Jesus she found a love that filled her life with purpose.

And that is the secret to life. That is where we find meaning. Our creator has the answers for us if we ask Him.

In Jesus there is meaning. Most profoundly of all, when we meet Jesus face to face, we find love – true love, a love that will carry us through the worst storms, the loneliest desserts, and cruelest encounters. And we find life.

Finding Hope – Even in Unexpected Places

So how do we elevate the consciousness of a generation who don’t know His name – except in sleazy contexts that take them along paths that desecrate his name and undermine the very hope that can raise them up to a life of purpose?

When I gave my Heart Talk blog the tag line of “finding hope in unexpected places,” I did it because I believe it’s true. I’ve seen hope spring forth again and again even in the most difficult places. So, yes, I believe there is hope for this millennial generation.

Perhaps it’s in you. Perhaps it’s in me. We know where the hope is. Jesus is our hope and the hope of each of these young people groping in a world of empty promises.

We’ve known heartache. We know betrayal. We know loneliness. And we’re stronger because of it. We know the source of that strength. Jesus walks with us on our difficult journeys and He will walk with anyone who calls on His name. Let’s pass this hope along to the young people in our communities. Let’s reach out to those who are lost and lonely.  God will strengthen us and embolden us to become more of who He called us to be when we pour out His love to those who need it most.

Young people, you are loved. The creator of the universe loves you and has a purpose for you. You are special and unique. You are created in the image of God. Look to Him. Call on His name. He will give purpose to your life.

“I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

“This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God is love.” 1 John 4:10 and 16

“The thief comes only to steal & kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

 “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6

 

Share
Filed Under: Depression, Doubt, Feeling unworthy, Hope, Lonliness, Love, Problems, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Feeling unworthy, health, health issues, Hope, Interviews, Lonliness, mental illness, Pain, Receiving Christ, Surrendering to God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Dear God I’m Desperate – Author Interview with Jeanne Le May

August 23, 2018 by Leave a Comment

DO YOU EVER WISH you could write a letter to God, telling Him your troubles, and then get a direct response back from Him with a specific answer to your particular concern? In Jeanne Le May’s new book, Dear God I’m Desperate–Women Have Issues, God Has Answers, Jeanne does just this. Each chapter begins with an honest and desperate letter to God, followed by an encouraging and scripturally based answer.

Today, I’m happy to be interviewing author Jeanne Le May to learn more about what readers can expect when reading her book.

Linda: What led you to write this book?

Jeanne:  My personal struggles in two broken marriages that ended in divorce prompted me to face the reality of my own desperation. Overusing prescription drugs to cope with my pain brought no relief.

Distraught and without hope, journaling became my heart’s constant cry to God. A pattern of communication developed, I’d pour out my raw emotions to God, and He would answer with loving kindness from His Word. No matter the circumstances, I could come to Him, and He would nurture, comfort and encourage my soul.

Soon, everywhere I turned, I observed other women also suffering with serious issues. I kept thinking God could help them, too—if only they would cry out to their loving Father. So I started writing letters to God on their behalf . . . and God answered.

Linda:  I love the idea of journaling. I found that so helpful too when I was separated from my husband. And journaling from God’s Word brings real answers. The subtitle of your book is Women Have Issues, God Has Answers. What are some examples of the issues you address in your book?

Jeanne: Dear God I’m Desperate includes difficult topics of universal interest to women that our culture and churches often tend to ignore for the sake of political correctness:

  • Divorce
  • Husbands addicted to pornography
  • Post-abortion heartache
  • Homosexuality
  • Depression
  • Abuse

This book creates a shame-free platform for discussion of all of our concerns—no issue is off limits.

Linda: What made you choose to use a letter format for the book?

Jeanne: The newspaper column Dear Abby provided inspiration—women wrote to her for decades seeking help. As Christians, however, our help comes from God Almighty, so why not write to Him and seek His Truth to guide us through our difficulties? He’s ready, willing, and able to help us when we humble ourselves before Him. He longs for us to admit that we’re struggling and trust Him with our relationships and circumstances. The letter format creates a personal connection with our heavenly Father.

Linda: How did you come up with the answers you give to each of these desperate cries for help?

Jeanne: That’s a great question, Linda. The answers are based on my 20 years of daily saturation in God’s Word. Every morning I pour my heart out to God about my concerns, questions, and heartaches and then search scriptures until the Holy Spirit reveals applicable truth. For the Dear God I’m Desperate letters, I identified problems other women face and used the same dialog process. James 1:5 outlines the principle on which these answers are based, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you.”  I ask—confident that God will answer—and He provides wisdom.

Linda: I see that you’ve created a fictional setting called Hysteria Lane, the home of all the characters in your book. How did you come up with that idea?

Jeanne: The stars on the TV program “Desperate Housewives” lived on Wisteria Lane; I always chuckled to myself that, with all the drama in their lives, they should live on Hysteria Lane. As I wrote Dear God I’m Desperate, that idea resurfaced. In order to tie the women together in their hearts and minds, I developed a community of women who live on Hysteria Lane.

Imagine four friends who live on Hysteria Lane gathering for coffee. Julie shares her tears as she recounts her devastating day in divorce court (Zach’s Final Lie). Danielle, recently widowed, explains her struggle with depression at the death of her lifelong husband (Withered Heart). Laurie reports her relief in ending chemotherapy and her further distress at the toll the treatments have taken on her depleted body, soul, and spirit (The Red Cocktail). Christina dares to admit her sorrow over the abortion of her precious Amy on the day that would have been her sixteenth birthday (Sweet Sixteen and Never Been Kissed.) Women sharing their hearts deepens their love and caring for one another. In their willingness to be vulnerable, the women find encouragement and hope as their friendships strengthen.

In Dear God I’m Desperate, God reveals His trustworthy promises to calm and heal their hearts.

Linda: Who will benefit from reading your book?

Jeanne: This book is intended for women struggling with everyday issues.

Women alone.

Women faced with shattered marriages.

Women plagued with depression.

Women distressed with doubts, confusion, and fears.

Women stunned by bad news.

Women overwhelmed with guilt.

Women brokenhearted by children.

Women abused.

One of my readers said in her review on Amazon, “This book is a very honest, straightforward description of real world problems faced by women of all walks of life. One may not identify with every issue, but you will find yourself in its pages. Not only will this book guide you to God’s word, it will provide the much needed comfort you seek when struggling with life today. It is both confident and tender in its guidance.”

Linda: In your book you refer to the concept of “Divine Exchange.” What do you mean by that?

Jeanne: “Divine Exchange” refers to a spiritual transaction that changes our lives.  When we bring our troubles to our Creator, He unburdens our hearts. For example, He exchanges despair for hope and replaces worry with peace. Faith in Him casts out fear. Dignity as daughters of the King displaces shame.

Linda: What do you hope women glean by reading your book?

Jeanne: Linda, it’s my desire that women develop intimacy with God our Father. In the book, after each chapter, space has been provided for readers to write their own heart’s cry to God. Then, scriptures may be applied to their personal issues. This format provides a model for their ongoing conversations with God where they can find hope, encouragement, and validation as God’s precious daughters and know they are not alone in their struggles.

Linda: What are your future goals?

Jeanne: I believe God has provided this book as a way for Him to allow me to speak to women’s hearts. Writing for me provides ministry for desperate women. Much of my time is also spent in speaking engagements. My closet contains 80 journals filled with personal dialogs with God. So however I can serve whether through writing or speaking, that’s what I want to do.

Linda: Where can readers find your book and learn more about you?

Jeanne: The book is available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble & other booksellers.  Readers can visit my website, blog and Facebook page: jeannelemay@mac.com.  On September 14, 2018, I will be speaking in Daytona Beach, FL at the JOY conference sponsored by Glorious Living Ministries. The conference is free as is God’s love. For details, go to: glorious living.net, which also contains my bio.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, disappointment, faith, Fear, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Lonliness, loss, mistakes, Pain, Sexual abuse, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, weight problems, Wounded women Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You Are Not Alone

April 19, 2018 by 2 Comments

When you feel your marriage beginning to crumble in crisis, fragments of unresolved issues, confusion, and pain can shatter your dreams and expectations for the life you thought you had. You feel all alone. You look around and see two camps of people: One camp with marriages intact, happily moving forward in their lives; the other camp with people who are divorced but apparently stable, moving past the hurts to find new dreams.

Two camps. Two choices. This is all you see.

And then some brave soul steps forward to share a true life experience of healing. They open their life to others to tell of deep, painful times in their marriage that God turned around in their life for good.

This happened the other day on my Facebook Page.  As I told of one marriage that was beginning to reconcile, other people jumped in to share their stories of how God had healed their marriages also. One after another, people emerged from the shadows of cyberspace to share a story of hope.

Others shared struggles they were still dealing with, and once again courageous souls jumped in to encourage them.

And many hurting people began to see they were not alone. There was a third camp—a third answer.

This is the beauty of Christian lives that are honest and vulnerable, allowing God to use the encouragement He has given them to encourage others. They show us a third option, something the world doesn’t see because most people want to put the hard times behind and not look back.

Through and beyond the stories of the honest and vulnerable, is a testimony of God’s wondrous power and love. God is our healer, and when we bring our brokenness to Him, He can bathe it in a healing balm that pulls everything together through the light He sheds into our darkness.

I’ve seen God do it in my own life, and now I’ve seen Him do it in many others as well. We are not alone. Others have walked this journey before us, and many have seen God breathe new life into marriages that appeared to have died slow and painful deaths.

We are not alone. We are never alone. Whether or not that courageous soul steps forth to speak to us of the hope they found for their marriage, God is by our side, waiting for us to come to Him, waiting for us to bring Him our pain and confusion so He can comfort us and lead us on a path into the light of His healing.

He wants to walk beside you on this journey. He holds hope in the palm of His hand. When you take His hand, you take hold of the hope of Jesus. You are not alone.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

Do you have a story of hope? Are you struggling? Please share your own story by leaving a comment.

Listen to Marv and Linda’s story about their own three-year separation in a three-part series on Family Life Today as they both share from the heart about their separation and reconciliation.

If you want to reconcile a broken marriage, let me walk with you through the pages of my new award winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated to help you find hope. There you will find practical help that can guide you through the complexities so you can see how reconciliation is possible for you– even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

Share
Filed Under: Divorce, Grief, Hope, Lonliness, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

HOPE for the LAID OFF – Devotionals, Interview with Author Mary Aucoin Kaarto

October 26, 2016 by Leave a Comment

hope-for-the-laid-offFinancial problems are one of the most common issues that cause stress in a marriage. But when it’s not only a matter of a stretched budget but losing your job altogether, a marriage can be in real jeopardy.  In these precarious times, losing a job seems to be an all-too-common occurrence.

Because author and speaker Mary Kaarto has survived two separate, two-year layoffs as a single mom many years ago, she is passionate about writing, listening to, speaking to, and encouraging anyone who is laid off. Her first book, HELP for the LAID OFF (2009) was followed in 2015 by HOPE for the LAID OFF – Devotionals.  She is now working on a third book, targeted specifically towards married couples trying to successfully navigate the pressures of a layoff.  I am privileged to interview Mary about her books and ministry.

Linda: Mary, tell us why you write books for the laid off.

I want to help people find freedom, hope, strength and encouragement from the numerous burdens layoffs cast on people, whether they are married or single.

After my first book was published, I met many of my readers who endured divorces, separations, homelessness, families having to move in with other families, and children being separated and farmed out to various family members because the parents could no longer afford even an apartment. I’ve met face to face with grown men who’ve crumbled before me, heartbroken, because their wives don’t understand that they ARE looking for work. Most of these men were professionals, IT managers, HR directors, oil & gas executives, etc.

I’ve met women in their 50s frightened out of their minds. Sadly many of them were estranged from their families for years and, unfortunately, too proud to “call home”.

Having been laid off myself, I know what it feels like to be frightened, hopeless, exhausted on every level and humiliated from having to ask for help over and over again. I know how hard it is, worrying about your children and how this layoff is affecting them.

I know how emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually draining it is to keep smiling and always have the ‘happy tone’ in your voice when answering the phone, and instead of an interview or job offer, it’s someone asking, “Have you had any luck yet?”

I remember what it’s like to have $1.31 in your checking account for weeks at a time after your unemployment benefits have expired. I also know what it feels like to be told, ‘You’re not poor enough to qualify for financial aid’ from a local food pantry when you finally humble yourself to ask for help.  I cried all the way home, wondering how they could say I was – in essence – making too much money when I had $1.31 to my name, had exhausted my 401K, IRA, savings account, unemployment benefits, and had sold many of my belongings. Where did they think I was getting this money – and – where WAS, this money?!

 Linda: Wow! That sounds heartbreaking! Tell me a little about your own time of being laid off. I understand you went through two separate two-year layoffs during a 20-year period when you were a single mom. Please share the circumstances surrounding your first layoff.

Mary: As an administrative assistant in October 1992, my colleagues and I had already seen at least a dozen or so co-workers being laid off. The majority of them were engineers and designers who were laid off once their projects ended and there were no new projects in sight.

My boss explained that my job responsibilities were being added to those of a more senior admin assistant within the department, so my job was being eliminated in order to save the company money.

First Steps When a Layoff Happens

Linda: What were some of the first steps you took soon after?

Mary: The first thing I did when I got home was have a good cry and call my family and friends in order to process the shock and awe of it while my daughter was still at school. It was important to me that I be honest with her on a level she could understand, but maintain a sense of composure and normalcy.

After filing for unemployment benefits, I set up several job searches on Monster.com, the only such search engine I was aware of at the time. I strategically bought two three-ring binders: one for secretarial/administrative assistant positions and the other, for writing/editing/proofreading positions.

Linda: Why two binders?

Mary: I realized this layoff was an opportunity for me to try and fulfill my life-long dream – to travel, write and edit for a living. The problem was, I didn’t have a college degree, any formal training of any type, no mentor or ‘foot in the door’. It was a dream that would not die, and I realized I had nothing to lose by trying to follow it now that I’d lost my job.

Linda: Two years is a long time! Describe some of the challenges you faced in your day-to-day living while trying to find work during that time.

Mary: During my first layoff, cell phones were just coming on the market so I was terrified to leave the apartment, mary-kartoworried that the minute I left, someone would call for an interview. If I weren’t there, I was sure they’d go onto the next candidate. I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

Over time, my family and friends called less often: what could they say that they hadn’t already said 100 times?

The loneliness and depression began playing tricks in my mind. I believed my family and friends were judging and condemning me, assuming I had given up looking for work because no one (especially myself) could understand why it was taking so long to find a job – ANY job.

My doctor recognized I was clinically depressed, cut the cost of my office visits in half and generously gave me regular samples of anti-depressants.

For the first time in many years, my daughter and I began attending church, where I experienced the unconditional love, understanding, compassion and generosity of God through complete strangers. Suddenly we were being provided for through such miraculous ways that I could only exclaim to my daughter in such surprise, “Emilie, LOOK at how God is taking care of us!”

Linda: What finally led you to getting your next job?

Mary: Shortly before I was laid off, I had this radical idea to contact an editor of the Houston Chronicle, introduce myself, pitch a story idea and ask permission to write and send an article to her for her opinion. “If you don’t like it, you are under no obligation to print it, more than anything I just would like someone to tell me if I have any talent whatsoever.” She agreed, and after publishing it, she immediately gave me a second one, and a 10+ year working relationship began.

Although I was pleased to receive one or two assignments every month or two, it still wasn’t enough to live on, but it encouraged me to pursue my writing dream. Eventually, I contacted oil & gas publications, inquiring about freelance writing opportunities. One editor spoke with me at length and asked me to send him a resume and some clips, even though they didn’t use freelancers. One year later a full-time editorial position became open at the company he worked for.  I applied for the job and my dream came true. I knew God was opening doors no one could shut, and I refused to give up on myself or cave into my doubts and fears.

Lessons Learned and Helpful Hints

Linda: How was your second two-year layoff as a single mom, years later, different from the first? What, if anything, did you learn new in terms of getting your needs met? What challenges did you face this time?

Mary: Although completely shocked by the second layoff, my initial response surprised even me: “Oh, it’s OK, it just means God has something better for me to do, I just don’t know what it is yet!”

Three weeks later I had an accident that broke my leg and injured my knee. Upon asking God why He allowed these things to happen, His response was to write a book about trusting Him during a layoff. After several months of doubt and fear, I began and finished writing my first book, HELP for the LAID OFF.

Linda: I assume your book has some helpful hints for those who are laid off.

Mary: Yes, included in this book are ways I saved money and got my needs met, including the following:

  • Bartering for services with my hairdresser, who cut, colored and styled my hair (before job interviews) in exchange for me babysitting her baby;
  • Cancel newspaper, magazine and cable TV/Internet subscriptions and take advantage of libraries, which offer these things for free (except cable TV), in addition to borrowing books and DVDs for entertainment.
  • My daughter and I volunteered as ticket takers for arts & musical festivals and The Alley Theater, in exchange for free admission to the festivals and live theatre productions.
  • I signed an agreement with a reputable debt consolidation company called Abundant Life Christian Credit Counseling Service, which got my interest rates significantly reduced and allowed me to have to pay only one check each month to satisfy my creditors.
  • Volunteering somewhere on a regular basis, attending church each Sunday, exercising and attending a local unemployment ministry support group helped me feel better on every level: emotionally, physically, relationally and spiritually.

Linda: Tell me more about the bartering.

After I had the accident, I negotiated an arrangement with an orthopedic surgeon by writing an article about his practice for a local paper in exchange for him treating my knee with an X-ray and office visit. A different ortho surgeon provided knee surgery and charged $500 and arranged for the hospital to only charge me 1/2-day rate and work out a payment plan with me. I took my friend’s mom to/from doctor and physical therapy appointments in exchange for her paying some of my utilities.

Linda: I’ve heard you say, “A layoff can be one of the best things that ever happens to someone, it all depends upon their response.” What do you mean by that?

Mary: My layoffs taught my daughter and I many lessons that others can learn, the first one being there’s no better time than adversity to begin seeking God and learning how trustworthy He is. WHO BETTER to go to than the One Who created you for a specific purpose, with unique skills and who will lead you to your next job or career change?

We learned the difference between “need” and “want”, the value of a dollar, how to create and stick to a budget, and to stop defining ourselves by where we lived, what we wore, etc. I learned that humility is a gift, there is no shame in asking for and accepting help, and that people are not mind readers. You must ask for what you need, and most people are very happy to help. When I gave my pain to God and asked Him not to waste it, He gave me the ministry I have today: helping the unemployed by giving hope and encouragement.

Linda: What advice do you have for parents who are laid off during the upcoming holidays?

Mary: Based on an extremely painful personal experience one Christmas, I highly recommend they make clear what should be perfectly obvious to their family members and friends, that they (the laid off parent) does not have any extra money to buy their nieces and nephews any gifts “this year”. Ask them to either explain this to their children on a level they can understand, or better yet (if they can afford it), buy their children a small gift “from Aunt Mary”.

For their own children, shopping at Goodwill and garage sales can save money on purchasing gently used items. The best gifts are love and time from their parents.

Linda: I understand you are presently writing another book for the laid off, which would probably be of particular interest to my audience on Heart Talk.

Mary: Yes, LOVE for the LAID OFF – Staying Together is my latest project. The sole purpose of this book is to encourage married couples to draw closer to God and each other during a layoff and allow it to strengthen their marriage rather than allow the weight and pressure of it to lead to divorce.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about your books and ministry?

Mary: I encourage your readers to visit my website at http://MaryKaarto.com.  If they order HOPE for the LAID OFF – Devotionals from my website, I will also send them HELP for the LAID OFF for free. And I’m always available by email if someone wants to contact me at MaryKaarto@MaryKaarto.com

 

 

 

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Finances, God's goodness, Interviews, Lonliness Tagged With: , , , , ,

Entering Into Thanksgiving

November 24, 2014 by 5 Comments

gateway“WHERE ARE YOU GOD? Where are your blessings? How do I find you?” Beneath the words of heartache in the emails I often receive, these are the underlying questions that I hear in them. The pain is palpable. And at this time of year, it’s especially difficult.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I know some of your hearts are heavy with pain and longing, and you’re groping to see the blessings. Thanksgiving is coming on too quick. And you know Christmas is close behind. You’re just not ready to celebrate.

When life hits us hard, how do we enter in?

Psalm 100:4 says “Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise.”

If you grew up in church like I did, you probably heard this phrase many times. It’s a familiar psalm, and if you’re like me, it’s probably so familiar that it just rolls off the tongue and through the mind . . . without truly connecting . . . . But last night as I lay in bed, thinking about this coming week . . . thinking about and praying for many of you for whom Thanksgiving comes in the midst of difficult times, these words swirled through my mind with new meaning. For these words give us God’s answer to the question many of us are asking. How do we enter in?

The psalmist says:

“With thanksgiving.”

When God seems distant, when life offers more questions than answers, when our hearts are heavy, Psalm 100 says to enter into his gates with thanksgiving.

It’s another one of God’s paradoxes, another one of those spiritual truths that hovers above our sense of logic. How do we grasp it?

By entering in . . .

With thanksgiving.

When we can’t find God, when life is hard, when questions abound, lifting our voices with thanksgiving brings us into the gates of God’s presence. All it takes is starting with just a few words of thanks.

What do we have to be thankful for?

Anything.

Something small perhaps. A ray of sunshine pushing through the mist of a gloomy day. Raindrops sparkling on the windowpane. A soft pillow to lay our head. The smooth aroma of coffee on a cold morning. A friendly voice on the phone.

As we thank God for small things, He will begin to fill our minds with more. And one by one, little by little, we will enter in.

And in the midst of our thanksgiving, we will find God . . . embracing us, comforting us until our hearts open up with praise. And then we are in His courts. We are in His presence.

In His presence, His light shines upon us. No, the problems are not gone. But there in His presence we have all we need, the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the God of creation, the God who loves us, the God who walks with us through the mazes of life. And this is something to be truly thankful for.

This is thanksgiving.

“Enter into his gates with Thanksgiving and into his courts with praise. For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.” Psalm 100:4-5

Let this song of praise lift you into a time of Thanksgiving. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn5CMSSAx_c

A heavy heart grows lighter through thanksgiving.

Share
Filed Under: Depression, Grief, Lonliness, Praise, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Spiritually Mismatched Marriage–An Interview with Lynn Donovan

June 4, 2014 by Leave a Comment

WinningHim Without WordsThis week I’m happy to introduce you to Lynn Donovan, author of Winning Him Without Words, as well as two other related books, 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage, and Not Alone, Trusting God To Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home.

If you have a spouse who is not a Christian, Lynn has a message that will help you on this walk.  Lynn is an author and speaker who has appeared on 700 Club Interactive, Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk and FamilyLife Today.

But I will let Lynn introduce herself and tell you more about her story.  Here’s Lynn.

Lynn Donovan

Lynn:  Hello everyone! I’m joining your community this week to share a bit about my God-sized story. I’m so thankful that Linda has asked me to be a part of your home.

My friends, my story is about a Prodigal child – me (Luke 15:11-31). I fled my childhood Sunday school days in my twenties. I left my loving Father for all the promises the world said were mine. I met my husband in these dark years and we fell in love. We were married and for the first three years everything was fine. But the world’s lure proved shallow, unkind and untrue. I heard my faithful Father calling in the distance and He wooed me.

I went running home into the arms of my Papa and was thrilled to once again have a relationship with God. But, I ran home dragging my unbelieving spouse behind me kicking and screaming all the way. To say that my husband was unhappy about this new “Man” in my life, was a serious understatement.

I am unequally yoked.

There are many women such as me who sit alone week after week in church. There are women who are married to men who say they believe and yet they are also like me, living in a spiritually mismatched marriage. We are committed to our marriage covenant and wish to honor our Lord no matter how we arrived in our spiritually mismatched marriage.

My journey has been a crazy adventure, filled with loneliness at times, as my husband and I view life through two different world views. On this journey I’ve had to face fears over my children’s salvation, as well as having to live with the disappointment of attending church alone, wanting to be a “normal” couple, and the most difficult—the rejection of my faith by my best friend on earth.

But don’t feel sad for me….  Because I serve the risen Savior and through His love and power, I have discovered that the unequally yoked can truly thrive while living with an unbeliever. We can grow in our faith, love and respect for our spouse, raise our children to a vibrant faith, and walk in the Presence of the Most High.

Lynn’s 22 Year Adventure

Linda:  I’m looking forward to hearing what else you learned on this 22 year adventure, Lynn.  But tell me, what does your husband think about this ministry?

Lynn: By the grace of God my husband is fully supportive of my ministry and he encourages me to help others who are also spiritually mismatched. I call that a “Way cool God thing.”

Linda:  Lynn, you mentioned to me that you discovered a powerful scripture that changed everything about your marriage.

Lynn: Yes, I did, it is: (Jesus) answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” —Luke 10:27

Linda: How did this make a difference in your marriage?

Lynn: When you love God, His Son and the Spirit with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength you are transformed. Your mind is transformed and then disappointment and bitterness no longer has influence in your life. You discover an unending joy bubbles out of you, flowing onto your husband and your children. This kind of love transforms a heart, heals a body, restores a marriage, and leads little ones to faith.

I had to remove my eyes and expectations from my human husband and place all of my hopes upon Christ. When I did this our marriage moved into THRIVING. My husband found freedom to discover God in his own way without my manipulation and I found my expectations were replaced by God explanations. I was transformed by the love of God.

It’s a miracle! Woo Hoo!!!!

And Linda one of my favorite truths I share is this:

A man can ignore a nagging wife, but he can’t ignore the truth of a transformed life.

 Linda:  I like that.  But tell me what do you think is the biggest struggle for those who are Spiritually Mismatched?

Lynn:  Across the board, men and women, who are married to pre-believers (we like to call them pre-believers) struggle through a season of loneliness. In our book, Winning Him Without Words, the entire first chapter addresses this season. What I want to tell everyone who is unequally yoked is to press forward during this season. This is the training ground for growing your faith into a vibrant, strong and intimate love relationship with the Father.

You can overcome this. You can attend church alone and receive great blessing from your church family. You will discover the truth of Hebrews 13:5 God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

The Children

Linda:  Many times I hear from people who are concerned as to how an unequally yoked marriage will affect the children.  What do you say to that?  And have you found specific encouragement in the Bible to help you on this walk?

Lynn:  Yes, there is actually a passage in the Bible that was written just for us. God knew there would be unbelievers married to believers and that’s why 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 exists. Let’s read it from the Message translation as it is rich in meaning and implication. This verse specifically gives me great comfort as a mother raising children in a spiritually mismatched home.

For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. —1 Corinthians 7:12-14

I’m learning that when we as believers love Jesus and walk in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, we impact our environment. And, in fact, we bring God’s will and purposes into our lives and into the lives of our children. The living presence of God within us becomes so powerful that, Paul tells us through the believing spouse every member in the home is sanctified. The living presence of God is so contagious, so powerful, that it creates an umbrella of safety over anyone who comes into that environment.

Linda: So are you saying that it is simply your faith, walked out in the home, which ministers to your children?  Even though your husband has a different worldview, your faith is enough to point the children to God?

Lynn:  Yes, we as believers are uniquely positioned to release the purposes, the love and the very power of God into our children’s lives. Our kids are then included in God’s plans for their lives. They are sanctified—set apart as holy unto the Lord. They belong to the Lord. When we grasp this truth, praying with faith through the Holy Spirit for our kids, we need not live in fear for their salvation. Our love, our example, our Jesus is always enough. I believe this promise for my children’s future and for their eternity.

Wow…… just WOW!  Today if I can talk personally to your readers, I’d like to say, “Let the truth of this passage roar in your spirit. Your faith covers your home. This was a paradigm shift in my thinking and changed how I approached spiritual warfare for my kids and husband. My holiness covers them. They are under the love umbrella of God because an ordinary wife lives with Jesus in her heart and home. Of course, this isn’t a guarantee of their salvation but it is a great encouragement and it keeps me from living in constant fear for their eternity.

 Linda: Thank you, Lynn.  I know this is a serious battle for a number of people reading this interview, and we need a real prayer covering for our homes and our children. Would you like to close us with a prayer?

Lynn: Lord, let this passage bring freedom to every woman and man here today. Let the truth and the power that comes with your living and active Word permeate every place in his or her heart and home. I ask that the Holy Spirit would prove the truth of how the prayers of a righteous mama (or papa) availeth much. In Jesus name. Amen.

Linda, thank you for allowing me to share the hope that I have. Hope is a person, Jesus Christ.

I love you and count it a privilege to be here with your community.

 Linda: This has been a blessing, Lynn. Please tell us where people can find out more about your ministry and your books.

Lynn:  You can visit me online at www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, Children, Conflict, Desire, God's Word, How to win, Lonliness, Marriage problems, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »
Return to top of page · Copyright © 2024 Linda Rooks All Rights Reserved · Return to Linda Rooks