Don’t Go Down to Egypt

June 14, 2022 by Leave a Comment

statue of girl with water potIt was one o’clock in the morning as I tossed and turned in bed. Two huge problems loomed before me the next day, and I didn’t know how I would solve either one. Restlessly, my mind churned through a myriad of possibilities, searching for answers. Tired and longing for sleep–which refused to come, I sighed and again looked at the clock.

1:30

It was easy to see where this night was headed.

Okay, I thought, I’ve been down this road before. I’m going to lay awake all night worrying and then be so tired tomorrow I won’t be able to do what is needed to actually resolve this situation. This is so pointless. I need to go to sleep.

And then I prayed.

Earlier that morning, I had been reading in Isaiah 30 and 31 about God’s displeasure with Judah when they were besieged by the Assyrians. Instead of trusting God and looking to Him for guidance, they went down to Egypt to solicit help. Even though He, the almighty God had saved them from their enemies on so many occasions and showed them signs and wonders throughout their history, the Jewish people chose to go their own way and seek help from mere men who worshipped pagan gods rather than going to their powerful creator God.

Yet, the threat was very real. The Assyrians were a great and powerful army, and the Jewish nation in the natural had no possible way of standing against them. And even though it was thousands of years ago, it wasn’t too hard to relate to their dilemma. Earthly problems appear to need earthly solutions, don’t they? Spiritual principles don’t seem relevant when we need practical answers. God is wonderful, but what does He have to do with complicated earthly situations that plague our lives?

Well—everything.

Had Judah used their spiritual eyes, remembering the way God had rescued them in the past and trusting Him to do it again, Isaiah tells us they would have enjoyed God’s favor and been saved. Instead, they turned to worldly resources. As a result both they and the Egyptians came to ruin because the Jewish people relied on themselves instead of God.

As the memory of this scripture drifted through my thoughts, the words, “Don’t go down to Egypt” began circling through my head as well. I knew God was speaking to me.

“Don’t look to worldly solutions,” he was saying. “Don’t worry about how these things will be resolved. Trust me. I will give you peace.”

Don’t go down to Egypt.

Another story from the Bible popped into my mind too—the story of King Hezekiah. A fierce and powerful Assyrian army came against him also and demanded his surrender. But Hezekiah went to God, laid all the facts before Him, and prayed, praising God and acknowledging Him as creator and ruler of all. The next morning, thousands of Assyrian soldiers were dead before one arrow had been shot into the city. Judah was saved.

As I thought about God’s promises for those who trust in Him, I began to pray and surrendered my problems to God. Gradually, my body relaxed and before long I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to these words from Jesus Calling, a devotional book I often read to start the day.

“I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. . . . Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.”
( Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Don’t go down to Egypt.

God reaffirmed to me through Sarah Young that He was able to take care of my predicament. I was not to go down to Egypt. I was to lay my problems at his feet.

As a result, the troubles that had kept me awake that night gradually took a favorable turn. As God’s peace descended upon me and I continued to surrender the situation to Him in prayer, God opened a path through a seemingly complicated situation to make it not only workable, but perfect in God’s timing according to His inexplicable plan.

So remember: When problems or worries bog you down and you’re tempted to take things in your own hands. Trust God. Don’t go down to Egypt.

Are problems in your marriage keeping you from sleeping at night? If so, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, might provide some of the answers you’re looking for.

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Filed Under: faith, How to win, Peace, Problems, Trusting God, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , ,

What a Coffee Cup Taught Me About Love

April 4, 2022 by 1 Comment

Coffee Cup with the words of 1 Cornthians 13 about loveWhen you don’t feel loving, you never know what might put the love back in your heart . . . and in your marriage.

I awoke one morning not feeling very loving toward my husband at all. I was still  upset with him because of a conversation we’d had the previous evening.

At dinner, I had asked him to help me get some insurance papers off in the mail, but he seemed to ignore me. When I continued to prod him, he finally responded, but his answer felt rude and dismissive. The rest of the evening I avoided him by staying busy in the kitchen.

Now this morning my husband discovered a problem in his work and needed to resolve it. I could tell he wanted to talk to me about it, but I still felt hurt and annoyed over his attitude the night before.

I took a sip of coffee and looked down at the 1 Corinthians 13 love cup in my hands. My eyes immediately rested on a phrase inscribed on the side, which read, “Love endures all things.”

Humph. I don’t feel very loving . . .

But I knew what God was saying in this scripture and God wasn’t asking me how I felt.

God was just asking me to love. And my coffee cup was telling me that love “endures.”  In other words, love keeps loving even when it’s hard, even when you don’t feel like loving.

So even though the irritation still simmered inside me, I listened to my husband and responded. I was polite.

After we discussed his work situation, I glanced over at my husband and sighed.  “I’m still not very happy with you, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t feeling well last night and had so much on my mind. I thought you were referring to the medical insurance forms I’d received yesterday. I didn’t understand you were talking about the insurance for our trip.”

Oh my – miscommunication unmasked – a familiar and disturbing marital theme!

But God ripped away its destructive potential that morning with a gentle reminder. Our misunderstanding could have gone on for quite awhile with no resolution—except for my coffee cup reminding me about what it means to love and how you do it.

Which reminded me to pick up the Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13 again and think about whether or not I’m loving my husband God’s way—even when I feel offended.

By following God’s instructions in 1 Corinthians 13 about how to love, even when conflict arises we can work through the confusion that often threatens to divide husband and wife during confrontations and quarrels. When we are patient, we wait to hear what the other person has to say without judging. By being kind and gentle with our words, we show that we care and give the other person confidence that they are being heard. By rejoicing in truth, we work together as a team to find the best answer rather than merely insisting on our own way.

This familiar scripture tells us what to avoid as well for if we are boastful, conceited, or selfish when disagreements arise, we will pull further apart rather than finding resolution. When we get angry or begin bringing up past offenses, we muddy the waters, cause tensions to rise, and thrust what may have begun as a simple misunderstanding into thorny and dangerous new areas of offense.

But by protecting the hearts of one another, hoping to find resolution, trusting each other’s motives, and persevering until we come to an understanding, love can reign and hurts mended.

God can help steer us through many disagreements in the home when we follow the instructions He gives us in His Word, particularly when we don’t feel very loving. And sometimes it may help to start our day with the right kind of coffee cup.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV).

If your marriage is struggling and either you or your spouse don’t feel very loving but you don’t want to give up on your marriage, I invite you to check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. It might transform the way you think about the problems in your marriage.

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Filed Under: communication, Conflict, God's Word, How to win, Love, Marriage problems, Problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

In The Waiting Room

February 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment
white couch in waiting room

Photo by Bernard Hermant

THE COLOR ON the chart was green. Sitting in the waiting room, looking at the color-coded chart on the wall, I knew my husband was now with the doctor. The green beside his assigned number told me the surgery had started. But I had no idea what was going on.  “Lord, take care of my husband. Let the surgery be successful.”

The doctor had told us the procedure would last between two to four hours, and then possibly another hour in recovery before I would see him—before I’d know how he was. And even then I wasn’t sure I’d really know how he was.

I studied the colors on the chart again – green for in surgery, blue for recovery. I needed to trust the doctor. He was experienced and I knew he was good at what he did. He had a good reputation, and I needed to trust him. But more than that, I needed to trust the Great Physician whose presence was in that operating room, whose presence was with me, whose strength, might, and wisdom were available as I called out to Him.

I turned my eyes to the anxious faces of others sitting around me in the waiting room. All waiting. Uncertain of the outcome. Waiting.

The waiting room is a hard place to be. Lots of questions. No answers—even while we know very serious events are taking place behind closed doors. Although, we don’t know what’s going on in the operating room, we know who’s in charge. So we sit, and we wait, and we trust the physician.

In so many circumstances of our lives we find ourselves once again in that waiting room with lots of questions churning around in our heads. No answers are available to us, but in faith, we look to God knowing He is the Great Physician whose presence permeates our lives. He has the answers. He is faithful to those who trust in Him, who love Him, and look to Him for help.

When we check out His credentials in the Bible, we see story after story where people sat in the waiting room of life while behind the scenes God worked answers they would never – in their own knowledge or experience—have been able to see or understand.

I think of Joseph, sitting in prison after his brothers betrayed him and sold him to slave traders. He had no idea that in a few years, God would raise him up from that prison to be governor in charge over all the land of Egypt. While he waited, God was working behind the scenes.

I think of Elizabeth – waiting, barren, wanting a child, getting old, not knowing that just when it seemed too late for her to have children and she seemed beyond child bearing age, she would bear a son who would be the forerunner of Christ—John the Baptist.

I think of us, with problems weighing us down – a spouse who has left, a rebellious child tearing at our heart, health problems, or financial burdens straining our ability to function. Yet, while we wait, God is working His good into the brokenness of our situation. He is softening the clay of our lives so He can mold us into His perfect vision of us. He has plans. He knows us. He loves us. And if we love Him, if we call on His name, He will work “all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

And as you and I sit in the waiting room, that’s where our minds need to turn, focused on that Great Physician, trusting in the One who has the answers, the One who can take away our fear and replace it with peace.

He is our Jehovah Rapha, the one who heals. He is our provider, our Jehovah Jireh. He, indeed, is our great Deliverer.

If your waiting room includes waiting for a spouse to respond to your love and return to you, my books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may be able to guide you to the good outcome you’re hoping for.

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Filed Under: faith, Fear, health, health issues, Marriage problems, Peace, Problems, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Waiting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

God’s 911 Help Line

January 12, 2022 by Leave a Comment

911 on red backgroundTHE WORLD FEELS a bit crazy, and for some, even scary right now. One Covid 19 variant after another billows through our cities. Political unrest plagues communities. Families are stressed and marriages struggling.

Our hearts cry out for something to steady us, something dependable to lean on in the midst of the crazy.

I could offer words of reassurance of my own, but God has already given us a 911 power line to hang onto when circumstances reel out of control. Psalm 91:1 says, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” And the verses that follow in Psalm 91 tell us how and why that help is so available to us.

So instead of my words, let’s go to God’s 911 Help Line and read together His Words in scripture.

Psalm 91 – NIV Version

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (NIV)

To reinforce what God is saying to you here, you might want to read this again in a version using everyday language. God’s 911 Help Line might feel more accessible to you when the images seem more familiar and real in this day and time. This is from The Message version of the Bible.

Psalm 91 – The Message version

91 1-13 You who sit down in the High God’s presence,
spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

14-16 “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”

When you’re feeling frightened by what’s happening around you and need something to hold onto, cling to the promises of God’s Word in Psalms 91. His 911 help line is always available, never busy, always reliable, and will never let you down.

And if your marriage needs a lifeline, my two books, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, have helped many through the mire of marriage messiness. They may help you too.

 

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Filed Under: Covid, Danger, Fear, God's Word, health issues, Peace, Problems, stress, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Being a Diana in Someone’s Life

September 15, 2021 by Leave a Comment
A woman giving encouragement to another woman

Photo by Mimi Thian

THE HUSBAND OF one of my friends has been in the hospital with Covid for over a month. Thankfully, they are now seeing improvement, but the battle has been ongoing and extremely rough.

One week as I listened to my friend’s video on Facebook where she was giving updates on the struggles her husband was experiencing, I was touched by her description about the encouragement she was receiving from her faithful friend Diana who had been a rock for her over the past week. Diana prayed with her for one to two hours at a time, played praise music for her, listened to her, and was available continually. I could tell her encouragement that week was holding my friend together.

I was struck by the selflessness of her friend Diana and the unwavering support she offered as our mutual friend suffered through the discouragement of a negative prognosis from the doctors and little signs of improvement in her husband. Through it all, Diana did not get discouraged. She persevered in lifting up my friend and giving her hope. She reminded her of the faithfulness of Jesus as well as sending her scriptures, declaring “by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

Hearing her talk about Diana made me think about how we all need a Diana in our lives when we are going through difficult times. And how sometimes we can BE that Diana for others in their times of need.

God is with us. He is our strength and our salvation. He is our rock.  And although we know this and believe, our faith can sometimes waver and grow weak when faced with problems that appear impossible to overcome.

That is when we need someone to lean on. Someone whose faith can undergird our own and remind us there is indeed hope when we cry out to the Father who will never leave us, and whose love will always sustain us. In hard times we need someone with flesh on to give us support and remind us of that.

When I went through three years of separation from my husband, a couple of women came along side me to lean on when I grew weary.

And in the story of Moses, I think about Moses standing on top of a hill, holding up the staff in his hands to encourage the Israelite army below as they fought the Amalekites. The encouragement of his raised staff gave strength to the armies in the battle. But when Moses’ arms grew tired and he could no longer keep them lifted up, Aaron and Hur came to hold up his arms so he could continue to offer encouragement. As a result they won the battle, and those who offered encouragement made the difference (Exodus 17: 10-13).

God asks us to encourage each other. To love each other. To stand beside each other in difficult times so we have the strength to win our battles. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

My friend’s husband is now improving, and even the doctors are calling it a miracle. God is faithful in our times of need, but sometimes we need a friend to remind us of that so we have the strength to hold on to our loving Father whose strength and might can overcome the odds that seem so insurmountable in the natural world.

Do you need a Diana to stand by you now to offer encouragement?

And is there someone in distress you can be a Diana to right at this moment in time?

Ask God to show you the role He wants you to play in someone else’s life to offer encouragement

 

If you need a Diana in your life to walk with you through a time of marital brokenness or separation, let my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, be a friend to you in this time of need.

 

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Filed Under: Battles, comfort, Covid, Doubt, faith, Fear, friendship, health, Hope, Problems, Trusting God, weariness, Where is God?, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I Choose Peace

July 19, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Joan C. Benson

Lilacs in the snow

Photo by Becky D. McMillen

HAVE YOU NOTICED how life sometimes runs on parallel tracks? Good things can take place in the midst of not-so-pleasant circumstances. When I saw this image by Becky D. McMillen, it reminded me of this facet of life on planet earth. In this photo, we see the beauty of two seasons, complementing each other in color and form. The delicate flowers of a redbud tree are accentuated with the flakes of a late spring snow, enhancing both snow and flowers.

If I imagined myself to be a redbud flower, I might not feel the positive vibes of a blast of cold invading my springtime. Imagine bursting forth in your best show of first blooms, to find yourself shivering under a pile of freezing fluff. Sort of sets you back.

In our daily humanity, we may recognize layers of goodness while being struck with a serious loss or disabling event. What do we choose to embrace? Laying in a hospital bed recovering from a painful surgery, I heard a simple praise song in my room. I was miserable, and only half-asleep, but the sweet voice sounded like an angel. A nurse had begun singing along with music I had playing on my cell phone. Her kindness and love deeply touched my heart. I chose to feel God’s presence and peace.

When my dog experienced multiple health crises within a short out-of-state “vacation,” a kind veterinarian (our 5th appointment) spent thirty minutes reading all the health reports and deciding on a course of treatment. We were to leave for home the next morning. When we checked out, he had not charged me for anything except the medication. I felt tears well up in my eyes. It was not the money saved, though that was a blessing. It was his compassion. I chose to believe it was God’s grace poured out on us. I chose peace.

I have found that people who are most successful in navigating pain, loss, and devastation don’t immediately jump up and down to embrace their dark trial. They will say with honesty, “It was hard.” However, they pass from grief to gratefulness when they recognize God’s provision along the journey. Yes, we may find a freezing jolt to our once-comfortable life, but in recognizing God’s mercy and grace to get us through, we find hope for the sorrows. We can choose peace.

God’s peace is promised to us in Philippians 4:6-9. However, with every promise comes an expectation. True? We are told to not be anxious. How does that work, you ask? “I just lost … (fill in the blank), and I’m not supposed to feel the sad and awful reality?” Your husband (or wife) left you after years of marriage. You husband (or wife) died suddenly without any advance warning. You or a loved one receives a diagnosis of a fatal illness, or a health dysfunction without a remedy. Your child breaks off relationship. You know the list of tragedies goes on and on.

However, if you are one who has stepped over that line of faith as a believer in the Creator God of the Universe, He asks us to pray, to tell him what’s on our heart. He says in Philippians 4:6-7 to pray/petition WITH THANKSGIVING. Then comes the answer: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I choose peace.

What a joy to let go of the spirit of heaviness, and release it to Father God, the One who loves you most. Not every woe in this life will have a “happy ever after” ending. In John 16:33, Jesus tells his disciples, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Yield, and receive your peace. We know in Heaven there will be no more sorrow, no more tears. Everlasting joy!

headshot of Joan BensonAs a freelance writer, Joan Benson has produced devotional materials for CBN.com, written numerous magazine articles (most recently for LifeWay’s ParentLife and Regent University’s The Christian Leader). Her debut historical fiction novel, His Gift, was released in July 2020. Joan is a former (K-8) classroom teacher and reading specialist, and a wife and mother of four adult children. She developed children’s Sunday School curriculum for over twelve years for LifeWay. You can find more about Joan on  joancbenson.com and her new book at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

fingers of someone playing a piano Dreams can come true – even in the midst of uncontrollable circumstances.

 

 

If you need to find peace in a troubled marriage, you can find help in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.

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Filed Under: death of a pet, disappointment, faith, Grief, health, loss, Pain, Peace, Problems, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Creating Safety through Listening

July 6, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Etienne Boulang

I OFTEN TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE of creating safety in a relationship to help a marriage thrive or survive a marital collapse. In my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, it’s a common theme that runs throughout the pages. But what that means is not always easy to understand. For how do you create safety?  It’s not just about refraining from a fight or not attacking the other person. In fact, creating safety can even involve something as simple as how we listen to each other.

How do we react when our partner tells us about a problem? Are we supporting them or trying to fix them? Are we allowing them to express their feelings or are we unintentionally shutting them down by negating emotions that seem illogical to us? Do we interrupt them and interject our own spins on things or do we allow them to finish their story?

Both partners need to feel safe if they are to be happy in the relationship, and we can consciously promote safety in a variety of ways. Learning how to listen when our partner expresses their needs without interjecting ourselves into their narrative is one of the ways we can help them feel safe.

Deborah Maxey, PhD, wrote a great article in MTL magazine called “Can You Hear Me Now” about how to listen to someone when they are in need and expressing deep feelings or hurts.  She specifically lists the ways we often fall short in our listening skills and unintentionally push the person away instead of using the time to help them feel safe and understood. She lists 15 mistakes we often make in our listening. I highly recommend that you read the full article below and see if you can create more safety in your marriage by improving your listening skills.

Can You Hear Me Now?

by Deborah Maxey, Ph.D.

There truly is “more to life” when we have healthy, loving relationships. In my practice as a psychotherapist, assessing the health or issues in relationships was a huge part of my job. Extensive training allowed me to dive deep into what makes a relationship work and what creates distance. As an expert witness, I testified in court over a thousand times on those assessments.

Without question, the biggest characteristic of health or disorder in our relationships is how well we comfort one another. In a time of need, does our partner, friend or child find a safe, cushy place to land where he can share his tender needs with us?

There are key ingredients to being that safe, soft place to land when someone is hurting. The most important thing we can do to build trust as a safe person to share with is to practice getting ourselves out of the way when we listen. Most people are well meaning and think they are good listeners. But even the most compassionate people can make big errors.

To offer quality comfort, we must be open to hearing our loved one’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs without our own feelings and needs interrupting. Here are fifteen ways listening can go wrong and create distance in a relationship.

Continue reading  https://mtlmagazine.com/article/can-you-hear-me-now/

 

You can learn other ways to create safety in a relationship in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

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Filed Under: communication, Expectations, How to win, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, Problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

A Heart of Expectation

May 26, 2021 by 1 Comment
Hands lifted up

Photo by PH Diego

LAST WEEK WE TALKED ABOUT what hope looks like and how, even in the midst of troubled times when a happy ending seems unlikely, a heart of expectation can help us look beyond the temporal circumstances of here and now and capture a vision for the future.

But how do we do that? When things look hopeless and we see no happy ending for ourselves, how do we simply ignore the pain of the present to embrace the hope of the future?

How can we look into the face of adversity and have a heart of expectation?

A heart of expectation is birthed by immersing ourselves in the heart of God so our desires are transformed from temporary to eternal, to love what He loves, to cherish what He cherishes. God loves us and wants the best for us, but what we interpret to be the best may only be second best or third best . . . or not best at all. While we focus on what we think will make us “happy,” God may be focusing on what will bring us a lasting joy and fulfillment for all eternity. While we’re reaching out for one small peek through the bakery window, He may want to reward us with a trip inside to enjoy all the goodies we want for a lifetime.

Do we believe this? Do we believe that what God wants for us is truly better than what we want for us. Scripture tells us this is true. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” (NLT) But do we believe this?

The apostle Paul’s heart desire was to preach the gospel throughout the known world, but his hope was cut short when he was imprisoned in Rome and could only communicate with the churches through his letters. Did he have any idea his letters would ultimately be translated into every known language and become basic reading for centuries of believers?

What Paul did know is that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Paul was able to lay his circumstances at the feet of His Lord, do what He could by writing letters, and let God work out all the details. He had no idea what lay ahead in future generations. What seemed limited in scope at the time—a few letters written to encourage the churches—flourished into a foundational part of the New Testament—something beyond his wildest comprehension and imagination.

We too have treasures in store for us waiting to be revealed at a later time when we give our situations to God as an offering of love and faith. If we can lift our eyes above our circumstances and seek the Lord, He can give us a heart of expectation. We don’t know what will happen in the future—not just tomorrow, not just next year or ten years from now. But if we lay everything at His feet, He can do incredible things with what we give Him.

We may not ever see it in this life—like the heroes of faith in Chapter 11 of Hebrews, people of faith who never saw revealed what they hoped for, but people who will live forever as heroic figures in God’s heavenly realms.  We don’t know how the small seeds we plant by surrendering our situation to God might sprout into something that continues to multiply—even over centuries—to become part of God’s eternal plan in the lives of others. But with a heart of expectation, we will one day see all that he has purposed for us.

Lift your worries up to God and watch them diffuse in the light of His glory as He rains down on you visions of His eternal purposes. With a heart of expectation, your hope can translate into faith that God has a purpose for your pain to use for His glory in some incredible way that not only makes the pain worthwhile, but becomes something to celebrate in its contribution to the unfolding of God’s eternal plan.

Heaven’s angels may sing Hallelujah as they watch you surrender your pain, knowing God has a beautiful plan you can’t even imagine or comprehend.

And maybe that’s true hope, the kind of hope that not only melts away all fear, but will put joy in our hearts and a song on our lips each day of our lives throughout eternity.

If you’re going through serious marital struggles and need encouragement to find hope, let me walk beside you through the pages of my book, Broken Heart on Hold. Together we will seek the Light and find strength for the journey.

 

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What Does Hope Look Like?

May 19, 2021 by Leave a Comment
Hope written on one of the rocks in a pile of rocks

Photo by Nick Fewings

WHILE I WAS READING the heart-breaking but hope-filled story of Hannah in the Bible, I was struck with how her submission to the Lord in her adversity was filled with joy and a sense of expectation. She had been childless for years and tearfully sought God to open her womb. With a deep trust in God’s providence, however, she vowed to give the child to God if He granted her request.

And she did. When she gave birth to her son Samuel the following year, she took him to the temple as soon as he was weaned, dedicated him to God, and left him with Eli, the priest. And she did it with great joy.

But what kind of hope is that? What kind of answer is that? Didn’t she want a child to cuddle and love? To raise and look after? She gave the child away! What was her hope? What was the reason for her joy?

And that makes me ask the question. What is OUR hope?

What does hope look like for US—for you—for me?

When we’re going through a troublesome time and hope for a good outcome, what does hope usually look like for us? “If I can just get through this crisis . . . if my husband will come home to me . . . if my test results show that I’m cured . . . if I can get that job . . . if my son quits his addiction.” If, if, if . . . .  We want the pain of the situation to end. We want good things in our life. Then we’ll be alright.

We’re standing on the precipice and we just don’t want to fall off the cliff. We want a safety net to catch us, a plateau of safety so we can escape the stressful or frightening circumstances we face.

But what if hope is more than that that? What if hope is not just that we’ll be safe, but that as we stand on the edge of the cliff, we will actually see a beautiful meadow of multi-colored blessings unfurling before our eyes? What if we can see that our present problem will actually become part of God’s greater plan, a plan that, in fact, wouldn’t be as perfect without our painful circumstances?

Hannah’s prayer was rooted in a bigger hope than merely having a child to raise and look after. She tied her hope to God’s eternal plan and His larger story for the peoples of the earth. With a heart of expectation, she dedicated her child to God’s larger purposes. As a result, Samuel became God’s prophet to lead the nation of Israel throughout his lifetime. He was a transformative figure who God used to bring about the reign of David. And as a post script, God gave Hannah three more sons and two daughters afterwards.

As I write this, I think about a couple of paragraphs I wrote in my book Broken Heart on Hold in which I share how God walked with me through the pain of my three-year separation.

“Gradually God unfolded to me a deeper reality. What I was experiencing was not just about me, nor was it just about my husband and me . . . or our marriage. It was about a picture God was composing even as I stood poised on the tip of his paintbrush spilling tears upon the canvas to soften the harsh colors of the palette.

As I spent time with him in prayer, his larger purpose began to take form before my eyes. This grievous time was only one part of God’s bigger picture. What this part of the picture would ultimately look like however, depended in large part on me and what I did with my circumstances. It could be an obscure narrow section angled awkwardly among the other images on the canvas. Or it could become a shining blast of color and light shedding rays of illumination on the surrounding landscape. It was up to me to seek and find his larger design.” (From Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.)

Yes, as I walked through that dark tunnel of hopelessness, God eventually brought me to the light at the other end, and the light of His plan was glorious. Not only did He restore our marriage, but He allowed my pain to become comfort and hope for others walking this difficult journey. And when someone tells me how much my books have helped them, my heart swells with joy at God’s beautiful plan of redemption. I didn’t know back then I would write these books, but because I persevered with God, He used my pain to bring healing to others.

So what does hope look like?

Perhaps seeing hope requires us to open our eyes to more than what our limited earthly vision often encompasses.  To catch the vision, we must start by trusting God with a sense of expectation, trusting that even in the midst of our fears God is going to do something wonderful.  When we can tether our hope to God’s limitless resources and love, trusting that when given to Him, the experience we are going through will be like a seed planted in good soil that sprouts and multiplies into an eternal spring of beauty, then we will know the joy of the Lord that becomes our strength. Hope becomes our peace.

If you’re struggling to understand, if—like me—you’re asking what does hope look like, turn your eyes upward.

Lift your eyes to the Lord. Let Him enlarge your vision. Let your hope look beyond the problems and the temporal solutions. Grasp hold of God’s promises and love so your hope can grow into a mustard-seed faith, trusting that God has a purpose for your pain to use in some exquisite way that will make it all worthwhile in the unfolding of His eternal plan.  Seek Him with all your heart and let Him fashion your future to fit into His greater blessings.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).

*Read Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel 1–2:11 and 2:16-21

If you need hope for your marriage, let me walk beside you through the pages of my book, Broken Heart on Hold. Together we’ll find hope and strength for the journey.

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5 Promises to Help Us Hold onto Hope

April 7, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Grace Fox

To say the past year has been challenging is an understatement. The pandemic grounded me and my husband—the director of a mission sending agency—from our usual international ministry travels. It canceled all my speaking engagements when large gatherings were banned. It stole time with our children and grandchildren, complicated everything surrounding my mother’s illness and passing, and tested my ability to live happily with my husband of 39 years while confined to living in a sailboat’s limited space fulltime.

COVID-19 and its variants are robbing us of loved ones, jobs, homes and material possessions, health, and dreams. It has even targeted our hope—the one thing we cannot afford to lose, according to John Maxwell. We can recover from other losses, he says, but “when a man loses hope, there’s nothing to do but bury him.”

One dictionary defines hope as “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” But, for believers, hope runs deeper than an optimistic outlook or wishful thinking. The Holman Bible Dictionary says hope is “trustful expectation, particularly with reference to the fulfillment of God’s promises. Biblical hope is the anticipation of a favorable outcome under God’s guidance.”

So, how can we hang onto hope as we face ongoing challenges and a host of unknowns? I believe the key lies in placing our expectations not in circumstances but in God and His promises. Here are five biblical promises that have buoyed me through the storm.

  • God is with us.

Isolation and loneliness are significant issues. Lack of in-person connection with people outside our home leads to feeling forgotten. That, combined with the challenge of  connecting heart-to-heart with a spouse who handles stress differently than oneself leads to despair.

Some individuals and couples express feeling abandoned by God. Their losses are so painful and their fear of the unknown so all-encompassing that they’ve lost their grip on God’s promised presence. “I am with you always, to the end of the age,” Jesus told His disciples (Matthew 28:20). His promise stands true for us today. We hold onto hope because the truth is this: we are not alone even when we feel alone.

  • God is still sovereign.

God didn’t wake up one morning in 2020, watch the world news, and gasp. He knew the pandemic was Cover for book, Finding Hope in Crisiscoming and how it would affect the world. He knew how it would expose our weaknesses and reveal our strengths. He knew how it would test family and marriage relationships.

Circumstances are not out of control. God has plans we cannot understand, and He will accomplish His purposes. “I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish” (Isaiah 46:9-10). We have hope because God is still God and He is still in control.

  • God the Holy Spirit prays for us.

Sometimes our circumstances seem so dark and difficult that prayerful words escape us. That’s when we need promises like Romans 8:26-27— “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.” Hope comes when we rest in the truth that the Spirit’s got us covered in prayer even when we can’t express what’s in our heart.

  • God will provide for our needs.

A plaque on the wall above my writing desk begins with text from Psalm 23: “The Lord is my Shepherd. I lack nothing.” A shepherd’s primary focus is his flock’s well-being, so he’s diligent to make sure his sheep have everything they need to flourish.

Psalm 23:1 assures us that our Shepherd has equipped us to survive this wild ride. Do you need wisdom for navigating the journey in harmony with your spouse? Ask in faith believing He’ll give it in unlimited measure (James 1:5-6). Peace? It’s yours when you give Him your concerns and thank Him for all He has done (Philippians 4:6-7). Strength? It’s yours when you make Him your focus (Isaiah 40:28-31).

  • God will wipe away our tears.

This, too, shall pass. Someday, somehow, God will bring about a good outcome. No matter what the future holds, He will eventually make everything right. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever” (Revelation 21:4).

Chuck Swindoll writes, “God keeps His promises. It’s a major part of His immutable nature. He doesn’t hold out hope with nice-sounding words, then renege on what He said He would do. God is neither fickle nor moody. And He never lies. As my own father used to say of people with integrity, ‘His word is His bond.’”

God holds out hope to us through His promises, and we hold onto hope by clinging to those promises.

Photo of Grace Fox

Grace Fox lives in Richmond, BC. She’s a popular speaker at women’s events, a member of the First 5 writing team (P31 Ministries), and the co-director of International Messengers Canada. Her new devotional, Finding Hope in Crisis: Devotions for Calm in Chaos, is available wherever Christian books are sold. www.gracefox.com

 

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