Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

May 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

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Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, Interview with Author Rebecca Carpenter

May 7, 2020 by Leave a Comment

As I begin this interview with author Rebecca Carpenter, over 68,000 people are reported to have died from Covid 19 in the United States and over 259,000 throughout the world. The subject of dying is not far from our minds. But for some of us the subject is far too personal. Loved ones have died, and whether or not they died from Covid 19 or another cause, they have been taken from us. We grieve for them.

When Rebecca Carpenter’s husband died six years ago, she grieved also, but in the midst of her grief God brought a comfort to her she didn’t expect. Her book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, has brought comfort and solace to many, and I pray it can also comfort some of you who have lost loved ones.

Linda: Rebecca, what prompted you to write a book on grief?  

Rebecca: I certainly didn’t plan to write a book about grief. For years, I wrote devotionals about nature and articles for my church, magazines, and anthologies. Sometimes I sent emails of my work and printed out stories for friends. When people commented that they enjoyed reading my writings, my son set up a blog for me.

After I retired, I spent hours on my patio watching wildlife and getting ideas for my devotionals. My husband Alan and I traveled around the world so I also wrote about our trips. He constantly encouraged me to write. My parents often told me how much they liked what I wrote.

Difficult situations changed my life. Mother’s health deteriorated. Leukemia, diabetes, and other health issues curtailed her normally active life.

Not long after that, Alan learned he had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. For a while his symptoms were mild. But they increased and our traveling stopped. Even normal daily activities wore him out. Except for doctor visits, he stayed home.

While I dealt with both of them, my dad’s health also declined. For years, he fought to regain strength after heart surgeries, knee surgeries, cancer and multiple other health problems. But when constantly visiting my mom in the nursing home, he had multiple strokes and never fully recovered from the major ones.

My life consisted of caring for Alan and taking care of financial and health matters for my parents. Stress joined me every day. Writing provided a release for my pain and grief at knowing I was losing them.

Within eleven months, all three passed away. Writing every day helped me deal with my losses. When I shared my writings, friends told me to put my devotionals into a book.

At first I resisted because writing a book seemed overwhelming.  But over and over, I heard I should do it. Finally, I felt God telling me the book would help others who were grieving. Only then did I realize I had to do it and God would help me.

Since Alan, mom and dad had encouraged me to write, I felt a book on grief would be a tribute to them.

Linda: Why did you choose the title Ambushed by Glory in My Grief? 

When I was mourning the loss of my husband, my mom, and my dad, God often showed up in wonderful but unexpected ways. 

At times, I felt foggy and unfocused. Just when I thought I was handling grief well, a memory, song or situation threw me back into sadness and tears. It helped just to discover my feelings were normal, which I learned by attending Griefshare, a Christian support group for people who are grieving. At Griefshare, I learned grief ambushed me.

When I shared my writings and my need for a title in my writers critique group at Word Weavers International, one of my fellow writers suggested this title. It was perfect.

Linda: Does your book cover represent anything special?

Rebecca: Yes, it does. With God ambushing me over and over with surprises of His glory, I wanted to show light with the darkness. I used a picture of sunrise over my lake.

The lake calms me and constantly provides beauty and lessons from His creation. Sunrises, eagles in the trees, ducks on the lake, flowers of all kinds are a few examples. I feel blessed every time I look out over the lake and know God is with me through all kinds of circumstances. I wanted my book to show that even in dark times, Jesus shows up as the Light.

Linda: How did Alan’s illness affect your marriage?

Rebecca: We had only been married three years when he received his diagnosis. However, we dated for seven years before our marriage, which was the year we both retired.

Because we both had been single for a long time, we didn’t jump into marriage again quickly. I had been single for sixteen years and he was single for twenty-six. When we finally married, we looked at things differently than we would have as youngsters. Although both of us had our own ideas of how to do things, a sense of humor helped prevent major struggles.

We enjoyed working together, traveling and going on mission trips. He always looked out for me and took care of chores I had been used to doing myself as a single parent. I felt pampered. I loved doing things for him too.

After our last mission trip, he felt worse. When we visited his doctor, Alan shocked me by asking the doctor how long he had to live. Although I knew he was more fatigued, I didn’t want to admit the terminal disease was taking his life. Our time together was supposed to be much longer.

The doctor said, “Six months.”

I could hardly breathe. Somehow, I made it to the car and picked Alan up from a wheelchair in front of the building. I had become his caregiver. No longer could he take care of me like I was used to. I hated the role reversal and so did he.

When we got home, he called hospice and they came out that day. He began his journey of dying with a purpose. On a legal sized paper, he wrote a long list of items to accomplish for his limited time. Most of what he wrote benefited me. He wanted to make life easier for me before he died and after he was gone.

Every day, I think of how much he loved me and showed it by using his limited energy for tasks like making phone calls to insurance companies, buying a new car and bike for me, and giving away some of his clothes.

There was sadness during his final months, but our love for each other pushed it to the side. We wanted to make the most of every day. We didn’t argue or complain but enjoyed being together.

Unfortunately, the doctor was wrong. Alan only lived two months longer and not six.

Linda: It sounds like Alan did indeed take care of you, even in those months before he died. Since that time, how has publishing your book changed your life?

Rebecca: Frequently, I hear from people who have read my book and have been encouraged. There is a ripple effect as they give my book to others who are grieving. People open up to me in their pain because they know I understand.

I feel compassion in a new way for those with losses. My heart hurts for them. Because I have been comforted, I can do the same for them. I ask God each day to show me who I can help and frequently, it is someone who is grieving.

Linda: Have you finished grieving after six years?

Rebecca: No. However, the grief is less intense and more like an ache instead of a sharp pain. Ambushes still occur but less frequently. Last year on Alan’s birthday, I cried easily for two days. The year before I didn’t cry at all. I have learned grief is unpredictable but so are the wonderful ambushes of God. He has been with me through the entire process and enables me to reach out to others who are grieving.

Linda: Where can people find your book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, and how can they find your blog?

Rebecca: People can find my book on Amazon in both print and kindle formats and also in some local Christian bookstores. I’d love to have people visit me on my blog at http://rebeccacarpenter.blogspot.com

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Death, faith, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, Lonliness, loss, New Directions, Peace, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

When You Don’t Feel Thankful

November 27, 2019 by Leave a Comment

As we approach Thanksgiving, some of you anticipate the day with joy, happy at the idea of getting together with family, feasting on turkey, and remembering the blessings of the past year.

But others of you experience a sense of dread as the day draws near. Monumental problems in your life crowd out any sense of joy. Blessings seem a distant memory – a fantasy of days gone by. With Thanksgiving day drawing near, you’re not sure you have anything to be thankful for.

I remember such a time when my marriage was collapsing around me. My husband and I were separated. Confusion and fear gripped my heart and I had no idea what the future held. It was hard to be thankful.

During this difficult time in my life, however, I discovered an amazing irony. While I often did not feel thankful because of my painful circumstances, I found that when I let go of my pain and confusion to raise my eyes toward Heaven and simply thank God for being my Lord and Father, my heart grew lighter and I felt at peace.

As I magnified God through my praise, the debris of doubt and fear cleared from my mind and my perspective changed. God appeared larger and I became more aware of His awesome power and majesty. As a result, my painful circumstances seemed less weighty and prominent. I saw only God, only His love, only His comforting presence. Thanking and praising God was a salve to my aching heart. In the midst of praise I knew I would be alright.

The irony I discovered is that thanking God—when it seemed I had nothing to be thankful for—actually gave me something to be thankful for.

Psalm 100:4 tells us to “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.”

In other words, it is when we are thankful–when we praise His name—that we can enter into the very presence of God. And when we do, we find that His majesty and power is greater than any problem we encounter. In the light of His almighty presence and power, the darkness in our lives grows pale.

When we thank God and praise Him, we open a window into Heaven through which God smiles down upon us and surrounds us with His presence. The opportunity to be thankful and lift our praise to God is an inexplicably beautiful gift God has given us, a gift that brings us into His presence and lifts our hearts out of the surrounding circumstances of our lives. Praising God and thanking Him brings us into His courts where God’s glory outshines the tinsel and washes away the dross of the world around us.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.”

If you are having trouble feeling thankful, when you wake up on Thanksgiving day begin by praising God. Thank Him for His love, which never ceases. Thank Him for being a big God that nothing can defeat. Thank Him that you have the incredible privilege of coming before the God of the universe and offering up your heart.  When you do, He will pour His strength into your weakness. He will fill your heart with Himself and the forever love He has for you. Not only will you find you do have something to be thankful for, but with the tenderness of God’s presence so near, you might find this Thanksgiving to be more meaningful than ever before.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).

“Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. . . .  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord” (Psalm 150:1-2, 6).

Find hope for yourself and your marriage with Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation

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Searching for Meaning

August 14, 2019 by 2 Comments

In the last couple of weeks our collective hearts have been sideswiped by what transpired in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Two mass shootings in 24 hours.  How could that happen? And why?

As I walked through my local Walmart on the weekend to buy bacon and bread, I thought about the panic and terror that must have taken place along aisles where everyday people took part in everyday activities that day—picking out produce for the family meal, selecting a new outfit for their child to wear to school, maybe buying a backpack. Nobody expected gunshots and death in the middle of the aisle.

And all of us are asking why and what can be done.

Many theories abound about the cause and the cure. We’ve all heard them – been bombarded by them, in fact.  But the theory that hit me hardest over the last two weeks was when someone said there is a hole in America’s soul.

As I listened to various news programs, others expanded on this by describing the search for meaning by America’s youth, resulting in too many of them wondering if there IS any meaning. Statistics were laid out showing that huge numbers of young millennials have often never attended a church or synagogue, live in families that are splitting apart, frequently have no father involved in their lives, and attend schools where the mention of God is prohibited.  With empty hearts and a crushing sense of self, they immerse themselves in video games, look for acceptance on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or grab onto a political ideology to fill up the hole in their hearts to give them meaning. Some – too many—simply find no meaning. Suicide rates among young people have escalated dramatically. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death for that generation.

Driving back home in the car, a song peeled across the airwaves. “I have only one life to live,” the singer crooned. The words seized hold of my mind and wouldn’t let go as I thought about these young people, lost in a world without meaning, seeing themselves as unloved and unimportant. They have only one life to live and it’s being sucked up in the winds of disillusionment and hopelessness. They don’t know there is more to life and they are giving up on it.

My heart aches for them. Because I know there is meaning. I know there is love. And I yearn for them to find it.

Searching for the Meaning

The woman I interviewed on my Heart Talk blog last week told her own story of searching for meaning and the depression that overtook her life because she couldn’t find purpose.  Despite tremendous achievements, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a lovely home, she was drowning in depression and ready to take her life. But it all changed in one dramatic moment.

What happened? What made the difference?

She found Jesus.

Jesus transformed her heart, her life, her future. In Jesus she found a love that filled her life with purpose.

And that is the secret to life. That is where we find meaning. Our creator has the answers for us if we ask Him.

In Jesus there is meaning. Most profoundly of all, when we meet Jesus face to face, we find love – true love, a love that will carry us through the worst storms, the loneliest desserts, and cruelest encounters. And we find life.

Finding Hope – Even in Unexpected Places

So how do we elevate the consciousness of a generation who don’t know His name – except in sleazy contexts that take them along paths that desecrate his name and undermine the very hope that can raise them up to a life of purpose?

When I gave my Heart Talk blog the tag line of “finding hope in unexpected places,” I did it because I believe it’s true. I’ve seen hope spring forth again and again even in the most difficult places. So, yes, I believe there is hope for this millennial generation.

Perhaps it’s in you. Perhaps it’s in me. We know where the hope is. Jesus is our hope and the hope of each of these young people groping in a world of empty promises.

We’ve known heartache. We know betrayal. We know loneliness. And we’re stronger because of it. We know the source of that strength. Jesus walks with us on our difficult journeys and He will walk with anyone who calls on His name. Let’s pass this hope along to the young people in our communities. Let’s reach out to those who are lost and lonely.  God will strengthen us and embolden us to become more of who He called us to be when we pour out His love to those who need it most.

Young people, you are loved. The creator of the universe loves you and has a purpose for you. You are special and unique. You are created in the image of God. Look to Him. Call on His name. He will give purpose to your life.

“I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

“This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God is love.” 1 John 4:10 and 16

“The thief comes only to steal & kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

 “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6

 

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Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

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When New Life Appears

May 8, 2019 by 5 Comments

This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord. Ezekiel 37:5, 6b

When the city arborist stopped by to tell us they had received a grant to plant new trees in our neighborhood, we were delighted. We would receive two Shumard oaks, hearty ones that would grow tall and had a long life span, unlike our pretty laurel oaks that suffered so much in recent hurricanes.

The city planted the oaks, and someone came by regularly to pour water into the irrigation sacks around their trunks. However, a few weeks later the leaves on one of them started turning brown. Before long all the foliage on the tree appeared dead.

One evening when we went out for a walk, Marv said, “I wonder if they’ll take that tree out and bring us a new one,”

“Maybe we should call the city and let them know it’s dead,” I said. “It apparently never got a strong start.”

Each day we speculated about its prospects but didn’t make any calls, and the tree remained.

One morning Marv announced that a city truck came by and the driver again watered our new tree. We shook our heads and wondered why they were still watering a tree that was clearly dead. A few days later, however, when we stepped outside, we noticed a few green leaves at its base. The city continued watering it, and each evening as we went out to take our walk, we were astonished to see new life appear as green leaves continued to spread from the bottom to the top. In a few weeks, the entire tree was green once more. Our new Shumard oak was alive and growing.

“It’s amazing how that tree has come back to life,” Marv said. “You should use it in one of your stories. It would be a good analogy for marriages.”

When New Life Appears in a Marriage

It was, in fact, a good analogy for what had happened in our own marriage. For although at one time our marriage seemed dead, we gradually saw new life appear.

I remembered an afternoon thirteen years earlier at the beginning of what was to become our painful three-year separation. At this point, Marv and I hadn’t seen each other for two months, and the Christian couple he was staying with urged him to come talk to me. When I saw him at the door, I hoped it would be the beginning of reconciliation, but his downcast face quickly told me otherwise.

He slumped in the burgundy club chair he always sat in when we had our “talks.” I sat on the couch.

“I can’t tell you anything you want to hear,” he said dolefully.

My heart withered. I knew that meant he couldn’t say he loved me. I knew that meant he couldn’t say he wanted to reconcile our marriage. But, being a gentleman, he didn’t want to say the words. He didn’t want to hurt me more than he already had.

But I knew. The absence of words told me the ones left unsaid.

I plied him with questions, but he remained expressionless, and his answer stayed the same. When he left, I ran upstairs and collapsed on the bed, sobbing. I could see he felt our marriage was dead.

But like the Shumard oak, even though our marriage appeared to be dead, unbeknownst to either of us, a flicker of life still lingered.

As the months unfolded, each of us began allowing God to convict us of what we individually needed to do to change the dynamics between us. It took time, patience, and grace. But when we gave God the freedom to make us the new persons He wanted us to be, we began to see new life appear in our relationship. Our love returned, and we eventually reconciled.

A New Foundation of Love

Some time after we got back together, a sweet moment signaled that a new foundation of love had finally been rebuilt between us. I had removed the biscuits from the oven, placed the cookie sheet on the stove top, and begun placing the plump rolls onto the serving dish. The rich aroma of pot roast filled the kitchen. Feeling movement behind me, I turned.

Marv’s eyes sparkled as he looked at me. He leaned down and kissed me. “I love you,” he said warmly.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he held me tight. “I’m glad to be spending my life with you,” he said.

My heart danced as I gazed happily into his eyes. “Me too.”

Although the words “I love you” were common between us now, the spontaneous gesture gave them special meaning. No longer did the debris of brokenness dull the luster of our renewed relationship. The past hurts had scattered. The empty hole had filled. Our love was truly reborn. Twenty years and five grandchildren after that heart-wrenching day in our living room, life is as good as I could ever have hoped.

Marv tells the men in our marriage classes every week, “Feelings change. Don’t make your decisions based on feelings because they’re unreliable and they change.”

We are living examples. Marriages that appear to be dead can indeed be reborn. Many times people come to us saying the love in their marriage has died. However, when God is given the freedom to work in each of their lives, He can open their hearts to one another so green leaves of new life can begin to sprout.

When new life appears in a marriage it is a testimony to the promise of new life God gives to us both through nature and His Word. His power to bring life from death rocked the world 2,000 years ago and continues to rock the world today.

Share your heart. How can God make things new in your life?

© Linda Rooks 2019

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated available on Amazon and other online retailers

Listen to Marv and Linda’s story in a three-part series on Family Life Today as they both share from the heart about their separation and restoration.

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When Christmas Loses It’s Sparkle

December 13, 2018 by 2 Comments

CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON. Bright lights sparkle on houses in your neighborhood. Joyous refrains stream throughout department stores and across the airwaves. Everywhere you see Christmas trees, Santa Clauses, and signs that say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. But for some of you, the words Merry Christmas have a hollow ring to them this year. Your heart is heavy with the idea of how you will even “get through” Christmas, let alone make it merry. Things are different this year. And it’s hard.

The Christmas we’re used to is full of sparkle and laughter. It’s always been a time of fun and celebration. But when gloom hangs over our lives and questions about the future occupy our minds, we may actually find it easier to peer more closely into the reality of the Christmas we celebrate. For when we put aside the glamor of the holidays, we can travel back to how it really all began—before the sparkle, before the happy music, before the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping.

There was hustle and bustle on that day, but not of people shopping; it was the descending of large numbers of people upon a small town, all trying to find the basic comforts of a place to stay and something to eat. We see a young woman, nine months pregnant riding a donkey. Can you imagine riding 80 miles on a donkey when you are nine months pregnant? And when she was ready to deliver her baby, who was the Son of the eternal God, she couldn’t even find a decent place to stay. Imagine having to deliver your baby in a smelly stable! And that is how God came to us – not in a convenient, clean, easy way, but through difficult circumstances. No warm, fine bed for Mary, the mother of God, no fragrant rooms, no support of family and friends who were far away and may have even questioned her virtue and the conception of this baby. No, God came to us in the midst of doubt, confusion, political unrest, and physical hardship. When God sent his Son to be born on this earth, he didn’t clear an easy path for him. He didn’t have a room waiting in Bethlehem. It was hard.

And, oftentimes, that is the way God still comes to us.  In the distractions of active lives, we are often too busy to notice God’s presence. We may have thought we had everything figured out ourselves – that we’d surely find a room in Bethlehem.  We never expected to have to stay in a smelly stable.  We still can’t figure out why things have turned out the way they have.

But, cradled on a bed of hay, in the middle of the odors and pain, we see a tiny baby, the gift of God’s love. It was the first time God was visible to mankind. And in the midst of the difficulties of your life, God has come to show you himself. It is sometimes only when these other things are stripped away that our eyes are fully opened and we see beyond the glitter into the glory where finally we see Christmas. Perhaps for the first time, the invisible God becomes visible in our eyes, and we see Jesus himself.

God has come to love you with a love you will not find anywhere else—not in a husband or wife, not a parent or a child or a friend. God’s love will not fail you. It is unconditional and everlasting. He will not always show you a clear, easy path to your destination. But He will be with you and guide you, and at just the right time, He may prompt the wife of an innkeeper to say, “I have a place for you. I have an answer. There’s a stable out back…”

His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours. He has a plan that is beyond anything we can see. When we take hold of God, we move beyond the barriers of our finite understanding into the reaches of God’s eternal purposes. Eternity is within our grasp. We become a part of His story.

Two thousand years ago, Mary and Joseph didn’t hear the refrains of Silent Night as they gathered clean straw to make a bed for Mary to bear a child; they didn’t see the picturesque setting of a child being born in a manger as they settled down among the animals. It was hard.

But God came to them in the middle of these difficult circumstances, not just for them, but for us.  Jesus was born into our world and into our lives.  And this is the Christmas we celebrate…a Christmas born in hardship, but wrapped in holiness and love, extending through all the ages of the earth into the glories and wonders of eternity.

May God’s blessings shine through the midst of your circumstances this Christmas and give you a deep joy and peace that rises high above and beyond your understanding.

 

 

 

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Dear God I’m Desperate – Author Interview with Jeanne Le May

August 23, 2018 by Leave a Comment

DO YOU EVER WISH you could write a letter to God, telling Him your troubles, and then get a direct response back from Him with a specific answer to your particular concern? In Jeanne Le May’s new book, Dear God I’m Desperate–Women Have Issues, God Has Answers, Jeanne does just this. Each chapter begins with an honest and desperate letter to God, followed by an encouraging and scripturally based answer.

Today, I’m happy to be interviewing author Jeanne Le May to learn more about what readers can expect when reading her book.

Linda: What led you to write this book?

Jeanne:  My personal struggles in two broken marriages that ended in divorce prompted me to face the reality of my own desperation. Overusing prescription drugs to cope with my pain brought no relief.

Distraught and without hope, journaling became my heart’s constant cry to God. A pattern of communication developed, I’d pour out my raw emotions to God, and He would answer with loving kindness from His Word. No matter the circumstances, I could come to Him, and He would nurture, comfort and encourage my soul.

Soon, everywhere I turned, I observed other women also suffering with serious issues. I kept thinking God could help them, too—if only they would cry out to their loving Father. So I started writing letters to God on their behalf . . . and God answered.

Linda:  I love the idea of journaling. I found that so helpful too when I was separated from my husband. And journaling from God’s Word brings real answers. The subtitle of your book is Women Have Issues, God Has Answers. What are some examples of the issues you address in your book?

Jeanne: Dear God I’m Desperate includes difficult topics of universal interest to women that our culture and churches often tend to ignore for the sake of political correctness:

  • Divorce
  • Husbands addicted to pornography
  • Post-abortion heartache
  • Homosexuality
  • Depression
  • Abuse

This book creates a shame-free platform for discussion of all of our concerns—no issue is off limits.

Linda: What made you choose to use a letter format for the book?

Jeanne: The newspaper column Dear Abby provided inspiration—women wrote to her for decades seeking help. As Christians, however, our help comes from God Almighty, so why not write to Him and seek His Truth to guide us through our difficulties? He’s ready, willing, and able to help us when we humble ourselves before Him. He longs for us to admit that we’re struggling and trust Him with our relationships and circumstances. The letter format creates a personal connection with our heavenly Father.

Linda: How did you come up with the answers you give to each of these desperate cries for help?

Jeanne: That’s a great question, Linda. The answers are based on my 20 years of daily saturation in God’s Word. Every morning I pour my heart out to God about my concerns, questions, and heartaches and then search scriptures until the Holy Spirit reveals applicable truth. For the Dear God I’m Desperate letters, I identified problems other women face and used the same dialog process. James 1:5 outlines the principle on which these answers are based, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you.”  I ask—confident that God will answer—and He provides wisdom.

Linda: I see that you’ve created a fictional setting called Hysteria Lane, the home of all the characters in your book. How did you come up with that idea?

Jeanne: The stars on the TV program “Desperate Housewives” lived on Wisteria Lane; I always chuckled to myself that, with all the drama in their lives, they should live on Hysteria Lane. As I wrote Dear God I’m Desperate, that idea resurfaced. In order to tie the women together in their hearts and minds, I developed a community of women who live on Hysteria Lane.

Imagine four friends who live on Hysteria Lane gathering for coffee. Julie shares her tears as she recounts her devastating day in divorce court (Zach’s Final Lie). Danielle, recently widowed, explains her struggle with depression at the death of her lifelong husband (Withered Heart). Laurie reports her relief in ending chemotherapy and her further distress at the toll the treatments have taken on her depleted body, soul, and spirit (The Red Cocktail). Christina dares to admit her sorrow over the abortion of her precious Amy on the day that would have been her sixteenth birthday (Sweet Sixteen and Never Been Kissed.) Women sharing their hearts deepens their love and caring for one another. In their willingness to be vulnerable, the women find encouragement and hope as their friendships strengthen.

In Dear God I’m Desperate, God reveals His trustworthy promises to calm and heal their hearts.

Linda: Who will benefit from reading your book?

Jeanne: This book is intended for women struggling with everyday issues.

Women alone.

Women faced with shattered marriages.

Women plagued with depression.

Women distressed with doubts, confusion, and fears.

Women stunned by bad news.

Women overwhelmed with guilt.

Women brokenhearted by children.

Women abused.

One of my readers said in her review on Amazon, “This book is a very honest, straightforward description of real world problems faced by women of all walks of life. One may not identify with every issue, but you will find yourself in its pages. Not only will this book guide you to God’s word, it will provide the much needed comfort you seek when struggling with life today. It is both confident and tender in its guidance.”

Linda: In your book you refer to the concept of “Divine Exchange.” What do you mean by that?

Jeanne: “Divine Exchange” refers to a spiritual transaction that changes our lives.  When we bring our troubles to our Creator, He unburdens our hearts. For example, He exchanges despair for hope and replaces worry with peace. Faith in Him casts out fear. Dignity as daughters of the King displaces shame.

Linda: What do you hope women glean by reading your book?

Jeanne: Linda, it’s my desire that women develop intimacy with God our Father. In the book, after each chapter, space has been provided for readers to write their own heart’s cry to God. Then, scriptures may be applied to their personal issues. This format provides a model for their ongoing conversations with God where they can find hope, encouragement, and validation as God’s precious daughters and know they are not alone in their struggles.

Linda: What are your future goals?

Jeanne: I believe God has provided this book as a way for Him to allow me to speak to women’s hearts. Writing for me provides ministry for desperate women. Much of my time is also spent in speaking engagements. My closet contains 80 journals filled with personal dialogs with God. So however I can serve whether through writing or speaking, that’s what I want to do.

Linda: Where can readers find your book and learn more about you?

Jeanne: The book is available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble & other booksellers.  Readers can visit my website, blog and Facebook page: jeannelemay@mac.com.  On September 14, 2018, I will be speaking in Daytona Beach, FL at the JOY conference sponsored by Glorious Living Ministries. The conference is free as is God’s love. For details, go to: glorious living.net, which also contains my bio.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You Are Not Alone

April 19, 2018 by 2 Comments

When you feel your marriage beginning to crumble in crisis, fragments of unresolved issues, confusion, and pain can shatter your dreams and expectations for the life you thought you had. You feel all alone. You look around and see two camps of people: One camp with marriages intact, happily moving forward in their lives; the other camp with people who are divorced but apparently stable, moving past the hurts to find new dreams.

Two camps. Two choices. This is all you see.

And then some brave soul steps forward to share a true life experience of healing. They open their life to others to tell of deep, painful times in their marriage that God turned around in their life for good.

This happened the other day on my Facebook Page.  As I told of one marriage that was beginning to reconcile, other people jumped in to share their stories of how God had healed their marriages also. One after another, people emerged from the shadows of cyberspace to share a story of hope.

Others shared struggles they were still dealing with, and once again courageous souls jumped in to encourage them.

And many hurting people began to see they were not alone. There was a third camp—a third answer.

This is the beauty of Christian lives that are honest and vulnerable, allowing God to use the encouragement He has given them to encourage others. They show us a third option, something the world doesn’t see because most people want to put the hard times behind and not look back.

Through and beyond the stories of the honest and vulnerable, is a testimony of God’s wondrous power and love. God is our healer, and when we bring our brokenness to Him, He can bathe it in a healing balm that pulls everything together through the light He sheds into our darkness.

I’ve seen God do it in my own life, and now I’ve seen Him do it in many others as well. We are not alone. Others have walked this journey before us, and many have seen God breathe new life into marriages that appeared to have died slow and painful deaths.

We are not alone. We are never alone. Whether or not that courageous soul steps forth to speak to us of the hope they found for their marriage, God is by our side, waiting for us to come to Him, waiting for us to bring Him our pain and confusion so He can comfort us and lead us on a path into the light of His healing.

He wants to walk beside you on this journey. He holds hope in the palm of His hand. When you take His hand, you take hold of the hope of Jesus. You are not alone.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

Do you have a story of hope? Are you struggling? Please share your own story by leaving a comment.

Listen to Marv and Linda’s story about their own three-year separation in a three-part series on Family Life Today as they both share from the heart about their separation and reconciliation.

If you want to reconcile a broken marriage, let me walk with you through the pages of my new award winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated to help you find hope. There you will find practical help that can guide you through the complexities so you can see how reconciliation is possible for you– even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

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The Prodigals We Love

September 11, 2015 by 1 Comment

WALKING-MALEA couple of weeks ago, while sitting in church, I began thinking about the prodigals in our lives, those who are lost and walking apart from God. So often, despite our love, despite our longing to reach out to them, we seem unable to reach them—unable to touch their hearts.

In the midst of my musings, words of scripture crept into my thoughts and I heard the mournful words of Jesus in my head. “Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.” (Matt 23:37.)

Through His words, I saw the grieving face of Jesus as he reached out to his people, only to be rejected, and I realized how thoroughly Jesus understands our pain. Even Jesus experienced the pain of rejection from those He loved, His chosen ones. Even Jesus—God Himself, could not force individuals to come to Him and return His love.

But rejection did not stop Jesus from loving. At the time he spoke these words, he stood in the temple courts, facing suspicious questions and doubting stares, knowing that in a few short days He would lay down His life for these very people who turned their backs on Him.

You hear the emotions in His words that day. He was angry at the Pharisees, sad at the deadness of their hearts, distressed that, despite the love of the Father, the people continued in their willfulness, each person headstrong to go his own way instead of following God.

But in spite of his disappointment, Jesus’ love pressed through to do the Father’s will. For not long after He spoke these words, He willingly died to save the lost, including the very ones who persecuted him.

God does not force His love on any of us, but wants each person to choose to come to Him. Lovingly he waits, ready to receive the repentant one He cherishes.

Although our hearts are heavy and our minds anxious for our prodigals’ return, we too must wait. Even though we long to reach out to them with love, often they are resistant. In fact, pursuing them may actually drive them further away.

Ultimately, the other person has to choose.

But that doesn’t mean we must stop loving. As followers of Christ we are called to love as Jesus loved.

For those prodigals in our lives, we cannot make them return to God or to us, but with a sacrificial love, we can seek God on their behalf through prayer. In spite of rejection, we can humble ourselves to speak words of encouragement instead of shame. And as we sit at the feet of our Father and pour over His words to us in the Bible, we can learn more about how to love with the love He gives to us.

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

Jesus speaking in the temple: Matthew 23: 13-39

Story of the Prodigal son: Luke 15: 11-32 Luke 15: 11-32

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