The Wonder of Fertilizer and God’s Strange Ways

April 10, 2019 by Leave a Comment

“How do you get so many blooms on your bird of paradise?” my friend asked. “Mine hardly ever blooms.”

I was amazed at her question because I’ve never been particularly good at getting things to grow in my yard, and she is a much more disciplined gardener than I am. But I did have a beautiful bird of paradise. “I just add a bloom booster fertilizer,” I said, “and cut the dead fronds off.”

“A bloom booster fertilizer?” she repeated as though a revelation had just hit her. “Hmmm, I never thought about using fertilizer with a bird of paradise.”

Fertilizer?

Our conversation stuck in my mind, and got me thinking about fertilizer and God’s strange ways.

I remembered my mother’s yard when she first moved to a new home near San Diego. Her small yard was bursting with blooms of every kind. Passersby stopped to admire it. She credited fertilizer for making her flowers so breathtaking.

Even though I didn’t inherit my mother’s green thumb, I did get her message about the importance of fertilizer. Although I used a bloom booster for established flowering plants, I followed my mother’s example in using simple cow manure for new plantings. And it was downright effective.

But why? Why was it effective? How could the use of cow manure create beauty in the garden? It seemed an incongruity. Yes, the cow manure we bought at the store was composted, but it started as a disgusting fecal matter we wouldn’t want to touch or smell. It’s not pleasing to any of our senses. Yet when composted and sprinkled around plants, it brings out their beauty.

I had to stop and reflect on God’s strange ways and the ironies of God’s creation.

God’s Strange Ways

If I had created the world, I wouldn’t have thought to use cow manure to beautify our world. But God did. He used one of the most revolting elements of his creation to produce some of the most lovely. God’s strange ways taps into a sense of economy that is a thing of wonder.

Amazingly, he does the same thing in people’s lives. I used to be surprised when I heard stories about someone who had recovered from an addiction or emerged from a dark place in life to become an altogether different human being and reach new heights of success. Often they credited their darkest moments with producing the light that led them to God and a new direction.

A friend recently recounted how a dreadful time of sickness became a time of healing between mother and daughter. An estranged relationship was sweetened through adversity and two lives healed. In another case, a time of homelessness became fertile ground where a person met Jesus face to face.

In the early 1970s Chuck Colson went to prison for his perversion of justice in the top levels of government. While in prison, he met God face to face and became a completely new creature in God. Though officially he became a free man for the next three decades before he died, his heart remained captive to the needs of prisoners. He began a prison ministry that spawned counterparts all over the world and changed the hearts of countless numbers of men and women in prison.

Beauty for Broken Lives

When I hear these stories today, I’m no longer surprised. Time and again I’ve seen God’s strange ways bring beauty to broken lives. Even for me, my husband and I were separated for three long years, but when we reconciled, God not only gave us back our marriage, but gave us a ministry to hurting couples. He also birthed in me two books that would help heal broken marriages.

Each time I hear these stories I’m reminded of the wondrous ways God works his economy of purpose into our lives. We wander and stray. We are devastated by the pain inflicted on us by others. But God grabs hold of those situations and molds them into something beautiful that He can use for our good and His glory when we come to that crossroads of decision and surrender it all to Him.

God’s strange ways are a mystery, but they’re also a comfort. God uses everything for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28). It’s just a matter of falling in love with God and surrendering our lives to Him. Then He can use everything—every hurt, every past sin, every crisis—to produce something good. It’s fascinating to look into the future and imagine what He will do with the refuse we bring to Him, knowing that when we give it all to Him, He can use the fertilizer of our lives to bring forth beauty in our garden.

Indeed, when we least expect it, God’s strange ways bring hope in unexpected places.

© Linda Rooks 2019

Join the conversation: How would you like to see God turn something around for good in someone’s life and bring beauty from brokenmess?

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated is now available

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After Winter, Comes the Spring – Nature’s Message of Hope

April 3, 2019 by 1 Comment

Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. (Song of Solomon 2: 11-13)

As I watch new life springing up from the cold harshness of winter, I think of you, my readers, and the stories you have continually been sharing with me recently – story after story of new life breathed into marriages that once appeared to be dead.

It’s the same, familiar story God brings to us when the world seems dark and hope seems gone. For just when we think the winter will never end, we see a small sprig of green pushing up from the earth, and we realize hope has not disappeared but lies dormant beneath the soil of our dreams, waiting for the sun to shine—waiting for the light to bring it forth.

For after winter, we know the spring will eventually come.

Springtime brings us a wonderful reminder that God is not through with us or our story. For just as He is always at work beneath the surface of the soil, He is always at work beneath the surface of our lives to burst through the crust of disillusionment to bring beauty when we least expect it.

If we can plant even that tiny seed of faith into the soil of our heart and turn our face to God, He will help us grow it into something beautiful.  He promises to bring “beauty from ashes” and hope from the dreariness of our pain.

Doing A New Thing in the Wilderness

I love the words of Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

This was a scripture God gave to me—no, I should say this was a promise God gave to me—even at a time when I saw little hope for my marriage to survive the separation that had torn my marriage apart.

I was sitting in a church service and an elderly missionary was speaking. He began reading from the Bible, and when he spoke these words, they jumped out at me and lodged in my heart. I knew these words were for me, and I wrote them down. It was one of the turning points that brought me hope. Although nothing had changed between my husband and me, God gave me a promise that nourished my heart. God was at work behind the scenes. Beneath the hard winter of my days, God was preparing the soil for springtime.

God’s Stories Woven through Nature

Just as God uses analogies from nature to speak to us in the Bible, He often does the same when we gaze into the wonders of the creation He gave us – even simple expressions of nature we find in our own backyards. Often, when I spend time digging in the dirt, trimming the bushes, or planting flowers—even when I’m pulling weeds—God whispers His truths into my heart, weaving them through nature and bringing them to me as gifts. Once unwrapped, they open my mind and heart to a new hope borne from God. For the stories in my garden also weave through the stories in my life until they sprout into something promising that lifts me higher than I was before and gives me something to ponder.

Perhaps you’ve seen some of these gifts unfold in your own garden or maybe you will discover them on a day when you least expect it—amongst the weeds, in a wilted flower, or a broken branch. For if you look close enough and deep enough, you can see hope emerging from places where you don’t expect to find it. When disappointments weigh us down, God can surprise us with a burst of wonder, the gift of story, and the shining rays of hope.

For the next few weeks on Heart Talk, let’s celebrate spring together. I’d like to invite you to join me in the garden as we take a walk and explore the truths God weaves through the simple things of nature. For when we do, I believe you may be surprised to discover how often you can find hope in unexpected places.

© Linda Rooks 2019

Join the conversation: When have you found hope in unexpected places? Comment below.

Read Linda’s new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated – available now

 

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A Bigger Plan for Paul

July 26, 2016 by 2 Comments

arched doorwayWhen Paul, the apostle, was imprisoned in Rome I can imagine the disappointment and confusion he must have felt. Why would God let him languish in prison when the world needed to hear the good news about Jesus?

Paul’s desire was to travel around the known world, evangelizing everyone within the sound of his voice, spreading the good news of Jesus Christ.  But instead, he was sent to prison, where very few were within the sound of his voice, and all he could do was . . .

. . . write letters!

His ambition, his dream, his goal, and I’m sure his prayer was to travel to different cities in the known world so He could bring people to Christ. These were good goals. They were meant to honor and glorify God. And yet God prevented him from doing so.

Why was this?

Because God had an even bigger plan for Paul.  God wanted him to write letters to the churches, whose influence and power would extend far beyond the times in which he lived. The epistles he wrote would become the foundation for the scripture of the New Testament so later generations would reap the benefit of his wisdom and anointing.  If Paul had had his way, only one generation would have benefited from his insights and revelations. His words would have been short-lived, only reaching the ears of whomever he encountered physically.

Instead, God had a bigger plan for you and me to hear his words, so they could produce eternal, lasting fruit for centuries to come.  When God denied Paul the answer to his prayer, God was thinking of us—you and me. Although Paul would never have been able to comprehend it, God’s plan was way larger than Paul’s. His plan was perfect.

God knew what He was doing. He did then, and He does now. He always does.

We nod our heads today and look back to see this clearly in the life of Paul, but can we see it in our own lives as well?  When things don’t go the way we’d like, when our prayers aren’t answered in the way that seems logical for us, how do we react?  Do we still see God at work in our lives? Do we still acknowledge that God is a big God with plans that are above our own? Or do we fuss and complain that our prayers have gone unanswered?

I have to confess that I am writing this for myself. I am most guilty of second-guessing God.  When I write something that glorifies God, but it doesn’t get published, I ask, “Why God?”  But I fail to realize that the God I want to glorify is a God beyond my limited understanding. His ways are higher than mine. His purposes are beyond anything I can presently comprehend.

And so I need to surrender.  I need to be still and let God be God. I need to rest in His arms a little longer and let Him guide me onto the perfect path where my desires are subservient to His glory. Where His love and grace stir my heart and fuel my passion into walking wherever He leads. Maybe down known paths, maybe unknown, but perfect because they lead to His throne and His glory to fulfill His purpose.

Perhaps you, like me, need to surrender your desires, your ambitions, and your dreams to God so He can fulfill the bigger plans He has for your life, plans which are far beyond our own imaginations, plans that bring blessing to us and others in ways that only a creative God can bring about, plans that have glorious and eternal results for His glory and His kingdom.

If you want to see His bigger plans unfold in your life, please pray with me as I lift these things to God:

Everything I have is yours, God. You know how my small offerings can fit into your bigger plan, and I give them to you. Let my prayers become a sweet smelling aroma to you as you transform my desires into manna for your perfect purposes and your everlasting glory. Amen.

 

“I know the plans I have for you . . .plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth,     so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9

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Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten–Interview with Author Janet Thompson

July 6, 2016 by 8 Comments

ForsakenGod.inddForgetting the good things God has done in our lives can create a dangerous vacuum and make us more vulnerable to making bad choices. My friend Janet Thompson, award winning author of eighteen books, takes us on a journey of remembering in her new book, Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten. When I think of Janet, I usually think of her wonderful ministry to women and her ministry called Woman to Woman Mentoring. She has a heart for women and an abundance of wisdom to share on a number of fronts. In her latest release, she is plumbing new depths, and I’m pleased to do this interview with her so she can share these insights with you. If you’d like a FREE copy of the book, you can make a comment at the end of this interview to enter our drawing.

Linda: Your new book seems to take a different direction from your previous ones about infertility, cancer, prodigal daughters, and stay-at-home husbands. Why did you decide to write this book?

 Janet: While having dinner with some dear friends, the conversation turned to how quickly we forget God’s goodness when the next crisis arises in our life. I pointed out that we berate the Israelites for their continual forgetfulness of all God did for them, even after He parted the Red Sea and provided food and shoes that never wore out in their journey, but are we really any different today? Don’t we see the amazing wonders and miracles of God in our daily lives, and yet when trouble sneaks into our life, it quickly erases our memory of God’s previous amazing goodness and love. All we think about is “Where is God when we need Him?” Of course, the answer is that He’s right where He’s always been, at work in our lives, if we would only remember how close He stays to the troubled and brokenhearted.

Linda: How does remembering what God has done help us deal with current and future troubles?Janet Thompson Pink

Janet: If we don’t remember what God has already done in the past, we won’t believe what He is capable of doing in the future. Memory builds faith. When we take the time to look back at all the times God has been there for us, in our good and bad experiences, we remember that He never left us or deserted us, and He’s not going to let us down now. He doesn’t always work in the same ways and timeframe we want Him to, but we can be sure He is at work in every believer’s life.

Linda: What are some ways we can jog our memories to remember God’s goodness?

Janet: Every chapter in Forsaken God? has a memory jogger for the reader to think back to something God has done in his or her life that maybe they have forgotten. Then there are “Ways to Remember God’s Goodness” suggestions such as: taking pictures, having a thankful list, telling your testimony, looking for God in your everyday circumstances, creating a timeline of God-events in your life, ridding yourself of bad memories, learning from the past, and many more ways.

Linda: Why is there a “?” after the title?

Janet: Most people don’t think they have, or ever would, forsake God, and no one does it intentionally…it just seems to happen over time that God takes a lesser place in the life of many Christians. So instead of dogmatically saying Christians are forsaking and forgetting God, I hope to gently start the thought process: Is it possible that I have forsaken God without realizing it? Is God truly first place in my life? Would anyone know it? Am I standing up for God and His truth in a culture that is quickly forgetting and abandoning God? Am I willing to be bold for God, even when it’s not popular or politically correct?

Linda: Since mentoring is your passion, how will Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten help influence the next generation?

Janet: I’m so glad you asked. Forsaken God? has a section titled Generation to Generation where I challenge Christians to pass on their faith to the upcoming generations, reminding them why we believe what we believe. And we must speak to them and reach out to them where they’re at, in a language they understand, and be willing to discuss the issues they face in today’s culture. We can’t be afraid to talk about difficult or uncomfortable topics. They need to not only know how Christians should react to today’s culture, but they need to see their parents, church leaders, grandparents, mentors, youth workers, and influencers living out their biblical faith—not the pseudo faith of much of today’s culture. They need help in discerning God’s truth from Satan’s lies.

Linda: What would you say to someone who has experienced great loss and pain?

Janet: I would say that God has not forsaken you so don’t forsake Him when you need Him most. He’s the only true source of love and faithfulness in your life and He’s the lifeline that won’t let you sink into your sorrows, even when you think that’s what you want to do. Read the Psalms, play praise music at home and in the car . . . listen to the lyrics and start singing along. Pray continually, and trust and believe that God always answers, sometimes in a still small voice. Look for Him in every circumstance; He’s there waiting to rescue you and give you a testimony of His great goodness and faithfulness.

Linda: This sounds like a good book for discussion. Can Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten be used for group study?

Janet: Absolutely! There are discussion questions at the end of each chapter for use in small groups, Bible studies, and book clubs. My own church’s Women’s Bible study is reading Forsaken God? as their summer Bible study.

Linda: Where can readers find copies of Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten?

Janet: Forsaken God? is available at all Christian bookstores and online stores such as Amazon, Christianbook.com and Barnes & Noble.com. It’s also available signed at my website. I also write a Monday Morning Blog and a Monthly Online Newsletter that you can sign up for at my website. Readers can contact me and/or leave comments at http://infotowomantowomanmentoring.com.

 

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With You Always

October 22, 2015 by Leave a Comment

sunset rays MGD©Fleeting moments of sleep evaporated into the shadows of night as I awoke and stared again at the clock. How many more hours and minutes until 5 a.m. when we had to rise to make our early morning trek to the medical center?

Although I believed and hoped the results would be positive, I struggled with a certain amount of apprehension and uneasiness about my upcoming eye surgery. As sleep continued to dodge in and out, my restive mind floated prayers into the lost moments of slumber.

The next morning passed in a swirl of paperwork, eye charts, needle pricks, IV lines, and high-toned beeps, which later morphed into a semi-conscious blur of Velcro strapped limbs, dazzling lights, bright colors, and drippy eye drop residue.

At home after the surgery I was alarmed when my vision was fuzzy. It was worse than it had been a day earlier—not better.

“It’s not supposed to be this way,’ I told my husband. “Everyone says I should see better right away.”

In my Bible study the week before, I had read Revelations 1: 8 where Jesus said “I am the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last.” The study question had asked, ‘What does this mean to you?”

I responded that, since Jesus was in the past as well as the future, for me it meant that wherever I went Jesus would be there with me.

Lying in bed that day, I reflected back on my response at the Bible study. Jesus was with me.

Yes, I knew this was true. He had been with me throughout the surgery and he was with me now.

One by one, scriptures dropped into my mind:

“Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

“The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)

I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I would be fine. God was in charge. I just needed to stay focused on Him.

The next day at my follow-up visit, the doctor checked my eyes and explained the reason for my slow recovery, assuring me things would clear up soon. Gradually the blurriness subsided and within the week my vision was restored. Colors popped. The world appeared in high definition.

Life is full of scary incidents. It may be surgery, illness, or unpaid bills. It may be a spouse leaving and asking for divorce. It may be a child in rebellion. But all the while, Jesus is with us, taking care of us. Nothing escapes his notice, and nothing is beyond His power. He is capable of so much more than we can imagine.

In the midst of unsettling times, God is teaching us to trust Him. He wants us to lift our eyes to Him instead of fearing the outcome of menacing circumstances rising up around us. He wants our restless minds and troubled hearts to rest in Him. He is bigger, stronger, and smarter. We worship an all-seeing, all-knowing God, who isn’t intimidated by the mud pies the world slings at us.

We are never alone. God promised to be with us always. And Jesus keeps his promises.

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Matthew 27:1

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Watching On The Big Screen – September 11, Then and Now

September 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment

newyork_newyorkcity_september11_648539_hSmoke billowed from the building as flames continued to engulf it. Again and again on the TV, a tape played, showing an airplane exploding into the upper part of the World Trade Center. News reporters frantically attempted to explain what had happened. No reports yet about the people inside except that survivors were seen running from the building. The unspoken question, “How many were dead?”

Flames suddenly exploded from the other tower. “I think that was another plane,” the reporter exclaimed incredulously. “Let me run that again.” As the tape ran, he shouted, “Yes, another plane just hit the second tower.”

Slowly, the truth began to dawn. It was a terrorist attack. Reports began coming from every direction . . . like in the story of Job. Just as one reporter finished announcing a disaster, another interrupted to tell about another.

“There is fire in the Pentagon.”

“There is a report that another hi-jacked plane is still in the sky; no one knows where it is.”

As events unfolded, it became clear that a day of infamy had just been etched into the history of America. It was the morning of September 11, 2001.

As I watched TV that day with reports and televised pictures showing everything that was happening at once, I was reminded of how God looks down on each of us in the middle of a crisis and sees all the surrounding events that are taking place at the same time. He sees the big picture. Those at the heart of that terrible disaster had no idea what was happening. Many had no radio or television or any means of communicating with others. They did not know there was a terrorist attack. They did not know hijacked planes were being used as missiles. They had no idea of the kind of danger they were in. But those of us watching television saw it all unraveling on the screen before us. We had the big picture. And with the gift of perspective, those of us who belong to Christ could tap into The One who had an even bigger picture. We could pray.

Hearing that another hijacked jet was still in the sky that morning, an urgency swept through me. I ran to my living room and knelt down with my hands clasped on the love seat. Looking through the glass doors behind and up into the sky, I began to pray deeply in the spirit. Specifically I prayed for the people on that plane. I prayed for any Christians on the plane to experience God’s wisdom. I prayed that there were courageous people on the plane who would be able to intervene and change the course of the jet so there would not be another violent collision into a major landmark. My prayers were feverish and urgent. In the eye of my mind I could feel struggles going on.

After a few minutes I went back to the television set in the family room. Before long, a commentator reported a plane crash in Pennsylvania. They did not know if this was related to the hijackings or just an odd coincidence. Sometime later, stories began to filter through the airways that one man, then two men, then three…had called on cell phones and told their loved ones they were going to do something about the hijacking that was taking place.

Around noon I called my daughter, and we talked about our prayers that morning. Her prayer had been for the dying. “I just kept praying that people who were dying would call on the name of Jesus,” she said. In the solemnity of her voice there was a deep, painful sense of eternity hanging in the balance.

Several days later I heard the story of a Christian man who told of being with a group of people trapped in one of the Towers just before the collapse of Tower 2. “Call on the name of Jesus,” he shouted to them. From all around him, people began crying out, “Jesus,” “Jesus.” Miraculously, this man not only managed to get out from under the debris that buried them, but pulled out two others who were still alive as well. The three made it through the ash and debris to safety, but the others didn’t survive.

As Christians we know by faith that God is in control. What we cannot see, however, is how He exercises that control. He did not stop those first three planes that hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. But how many unseen mysteries happened that day that we will never hear of? How many people were moved by God’s Holy Spirit to pray? How many prayers strengthened the saints caught in the middle of disaster? How many stories could be told of heroism and courage that had eternal results? We will never know the answer to that until one day in Heaven we see “face to face.” Then we will know the mysteries and see God’s plan unfurled.

In a few more days it will be September 11, 2014. Violence has once again erupted and spread rampant in the Middle East, two journalists are dead, and tales of commercial jets missing from Libya (although not officially confirmed) have begun to spark fear.

But as Christians we are not called to fear. We are called to prayer. Our God watches on the big screen. God hears our prayers and He is in control.

On September 11 I invite you to join me in calling on the name of Jesus and making this September 11, 2014, a day of prayer. We don’t have to change our plans or stay on our knees. But throughout the day we as Christians can pray quiet prayers of protection for the innocent, and confusion and defeat for the violent perpetrators of evil.

Please join me and dedicate yourself to prayer on September 11.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness. (Prov. 11:5)

To remind yourself about who’s in charge, listen to the following song and know that God will indeed hear you when you call.

“Whom Shall I Fear? (The God of Angel Armies)” by Chris Tomlin     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0gu0nOaFsI

 

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Disappointments

August 15, 2014 by 4 Comments

pink ribbonDetails! And all those little things that seem to have no consequence.

When they’re all strung together, sometimes God gives us a glimpse of what He is doing behind the scenes in the midst of our disappointments. That happened to me one Saturday morning.

As I climbed into the car and turned the key in the ignition that morning, I looked longingly at the clock on my dashboard. How I wished I could skip my writers group meeting so I could attend my grandson’s soccer game where he was to receive a trophy.

A month earlier, however, friends from church, whom I’d frequently encouraged to attend our writers group, informed me they were coming. Laurie was an excellent writer and had battled cancer for 15 years. Recently, she’d had another bad cancer scare. She was improving now and with her beautiful testimony, she was writing a book about prayer with her husband. I had planned all month to be there to greet them and encourage her in her writing.

When Pete emailed me the night before to tell me he would be coming alone because Laurie was not feeling well, I wrestled with skipping the meeting and attending my grandson’s soccer game instead, but I continued to feel that I should be there for Pete.

As the meeting was about to begin, I was pleasantly surprised to see Pete and Laurie both walk in the door together. Laurie had come after all. But it had not been without some struggle and disappointment of her own.

As we sat down, Laurie shared her deep disappointment at having to pass up a free ticket to a Beth Moore event. After her recent cancer scare, she needed encouragement and had welcomed the opportunity for some inspiration. But the night before, she had not been feeling well and gave up the ticket. When she actually did feel better in the morning, it was too late. Someone else had the ticket, And so she had come to the writer’s group.

As the morning evolved, however, we both discovered God’s reason for our disappointments. His plans were indeed higher than ours.

God Had a Reason

After the large assembly time that morning, we split into critique groups. According to custom, Laurie and Pete were placed into my group since they were newcomers and I was their sponsor. Two people in our group brought writings for critique. The first one brought a chapter of a book she was writing about anticipatory grief. It was a term I’d never heard before, which refers to a period of time when a person is dealing with an inevitable grief that hasn’t yet arrived, but keeps the heart “on hold” with hope mixed with fear while waiting for that dreaded moment when grief and loss threatens to sweep down upon them.

I was the reader that morning, and as I read each beautifully written word about the feelings one encounters in anticipatory grief, I glanced at Laurie and Pete across the table, wondering how this was impacting them: this was indeed the journey they themselves had been walking together for years.

About two-thirds of the way through the reading, Laurie got up and went to the restroom. I stopped and asked Pete, “Is Laurie alright?”

“I think it’s more of a bladder problem than an emotional one,” he said reassuringly.

Later, however, as we went around the group for people to make comments, we discovered that was not entirely true.

Lack of Faith or Anticipatory Grief?

As Laurie began to speak, she could hardly get the words out, then broke into tears. When she collected herself, she spoke resolutely.

“This book needs to be published as soon as possible! I have cancer,” she announced to the group. “We’ve been walking through this for 15 years, and I never knew this term. When I had these feelings I always thought it was a lack of faith. I never knew until now that these were normal feelings.” She choked back tears and resumed. “I was so disappointed that I couldn’t go to see Beth Moore this morning. I never imagined God had something even more powerful planned for me today at this meeting.” The tears spilled down her cheeks now as she let go of the emotions welling up inside her and allowed the words she’d heard to take hold in her heart. As acceptance and healing washed through her, the significance of that moment spilled out onto the rest of us sitting around the table as well. We all knew God had orchestrated this time.

By now, I was crying too along with the woman who was writing the book. Around the table, when each person offered comments, hearts were laid bare as they poignantly shared personal stories of grief and healing.Tissues were passed around the table, and everyone sat in wonder at what God had done when he sifted through our plans that morning to bring us together. It truly was one of those beautiful “God” moments.

So, yes, I missed my grandson’s soccer game and Laurie missed the Beth Moore event, but God had planned something so much more amazing than if things had gone along according to our own plans.

One of the things I have been learning lately is that if I can relax and surrender each moment to God, even when things are going contrary to what I want, God uses each of these moments as one more step, one more detail, one more piece of the puzzle He is using to make something happen that is beyond my imagination.

“I know the plans I have for you, plans for [your] welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 — Holman Christian Standard Bible)

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Filed Under: cancer, Depression, disappointment, Fear, Grief, health issues, Hope, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In God We Trust

July 2, 2014 by 9 Comments

???????????????????????????????A few weeks ago I was horrified to read in the newspaper about two twelve year old girls who lured their friend into the woods after a sleepover and tried to stab her to death. Afterwards, one of them told police she had no remorse. “I guess it may have been wrong,” she said.  The other girl said that when she heard the victim’s screams, “The bad part of me wanted her to die. The good part of me wanted her to live.”

Twelve year old girls?  Trying to kill their friend?  And all because of a fictional character they followed on the Internet.

The perverse ludicrousness of the story seared my brain with incredulity. How could girls as young as this fall into such evil?  How could their minds be so warped and depraved?

The answer came as quickly as the question. Because they don’t know God.  Because they have probably not been taught what is right and what is wrong.

If their families don’t go to church . . .

If schools are forbidden to talk about God . . .

If it’s unlawful to post the 10 Commandments on the wall of a courthouse or the walls of a school . . .

How do they learn what is right and what is wrong?

As adults, I think many of us just assume children will grow up knowing that murder is wrong. That is a basic moral code, right? But if there is a vacuum in their religious education and they spend most of the time on the Internet, juxtaposed with a couple of hours in front of the TV and a weekly outing to the movies, where are they learning their values?

George Washington Was Right

More and more I think we are seeing that George Washington was right:

“Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”  George Washington.

In a world where a majority of children are growing up without any Christian education, our own children become more vulnerable as well.  And as we go through our own struggles, and particularly if crisis strikes, we are often unaware of the enormous battle being waged for their souls.

However, if we allow God to draw our hearts nearer to Him in the midst of crisis, we may actually develop a heightened sensitivity to our children’s needs.

This happened to Faith when her husband left and asked for divorce.  As the insecurities of change threatened her middle-school sons, she searched for a way to connect with them and encourage them to look to God for strength.  Together, they began listening to and discussing CDs of The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black, which brings the Bible to life through the glory of battling knights in a medieval setting and is sometimes described as a Pilgrims Progress for the Xbox generation. Many evenings, as the boys hunkered down on the bed with her, she answered the hard questions and talked to them about what it meant to follow God into the future. Other times she spent one-on-one time with each of them to take their spiritual and emotional temperatures. Through honest conversations and spiritual encouragement, she not only helped them cope with the domestic heartache rattling their world but instilled God’s Word into her boys to prepare them for the challenges they faced in a public school environment.

Engage With Our Children

In a world where many forces vie for our children’s minds, hearts, and loyalties, it’s more important than ever that we engage with our youngsters. They need to feel our support and love as we take time to discuss important issues with them so they can clarify their own values and beliefs and articulate them with genuineness and intelligence to their friends.  We need to pray with them for wisdom and discernment in an academic world that is frequently hostile to the Christian faith.

Yes, there is cause for concern.  But as we look to God for wisdom and direction, there is also a reason for hope.  Our very own children may indeed be the hope that is found in unexpected places.  As we tackle our problems and encourage our children with God’s Word to see His provision, we teach them to be strong in their faith, that God is the conqueror, and that He will help us–and them– to overcome.

This 4th of July I pray that the words “In God We Trust” will be more than a motto we see on a dollar bill, or even a creed we share with our countrymen, but that it will be a belief that is emblazoned on our hearts so that regardless of what happens in our world or our country, we as Christians can continue to hold firm and say with conviction “In God We Trust.”

“In my view, the Christian religion is the most important and one of the first things in which all children, under a free government ought to be instructed … No truth is more evident to my mind than that the Christian religion must be the basis of any government intended to secure the rights and privileges of a free people.”  Noah Webster, Preface Noah Webster Dictionary, 1828

More George Washington quotes at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_washington.html#ozeWbhea38uP1cxu.99

*To readers who don’t live in the U.S.: Please bear with me this week as I recognize our national holiday by focusing on issues of national interest. Next week I will feature another powerful author interview on Avoiding 12 Relationship Mistakes.

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Interview with Margot Starbuck, author of Not Who I Imagined, Surprised by a Loving God

March 5, 2014 by 16 Comments

Untitled-19Today, I’m interviewing Margot Starbuck, speaker and author of five books. We’re talking about her new book, Not Who I Imagined, Surprised by a Loving God. If you leave a comment from now through Sunday, I will enter your name in a drawing for a free copy of Margot’s book.

I started browsing through the book myself and soon became fascinated with what she has to say. Before I knew it I had read through two chapters.  Margot’s writing style is fresh, easy to read, and full of stories that lead you into a better understanding of the true nature of God’s love.

 Feeling Abandoned and Unworthy of Love

Linda: Margot, I’d like to start off with a little bit of your story.  You’ve said that losing caregivers to divorce is one of the things that shaped your view of God, and that because of that and other things, you gave God a face that said you weren’t worth loving or sticking around for.  Consequently, you weren’t able to trust a God who was truly with you and for you.  Could you tell us more about that? How could your caregivers have handled that better?

Margot:  As an infant, my first parents relinquished me for adoption. My dad left when I was six. My parents both remarried and those marriages ended by the time I was 15. What I learned about trusting people was that they went away. And, because we learn from people whether a reliable “Other” is with us and for us, I gave God the same face.

I’m so glad you asked how my caregivers could have handled it better. Each one—stuck in addiction, or violence, or mental illness—was doing the best they could at the time. What I wish they’d known was how very valuable it is to children to reflect the reality they’ve experienced.  A loving face that says “I’m so sorry you had to experience that,” or “I wonder if that felt scary to you” helps a child make sense of her experience and let’s her know that she’s worth protecting, nurturing, loving.

 Linda: I worked for an adoption agency for a time, and I know one of the things we encouraged birthmothers to do was to write a letter to their baby, telling them about themselves and why they made the decision they did to place the baby for adoption. Usually, an adoption decision is made out of love, not abandonment, but a child needs help to understand that.  I can’t tell you how many times I watched a birthmother cry her heart out as she relinquished her baby for adoption, but she knew the adoptive parents could care for her child better than she could at the time. It was truly a case of sacrificial love. Would it have helped you to get a letter like that?

Margot: You make a great point: there are so many instances when a parent’s absence—as a result of relinquishment, military service, disease, or death—shouldn’t necessarily be interpreted as abandonment. But, to a naturally egocentric child, they often are.

I was definitely told that my birth parents had loved me, but since we didn’t talk about them, they always seemed like—in the words of Donald Miller—“mythical creatures.” Like dragons! I think that if I’d received a letter like that, and my family had helped me talk about my feelings and losses, on special days like birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc., it would have helped.

Surprised by God

Linda: What happened that surprised you and changed your mind about God?

Margot: About ten years ago I was at the bottom of the pit. I was depressed and was really suffering emotionally. Into that darkness, when I raised my fist at God, God met me in one of the most palpable ways I’ve ever experienced.

I heard God speak four words: “I am for you.”  Later, more words, “I am the One who is with you and for you.” When I was still resisting, believing they weren’t from God, I saw a picture of Jesus on the cross. That’s what sealed the deal. In the moment, I knew that God wasn’t the Father who cavalierly sacrifices his kid, but this was the Father who gives his own life out of love for me.

I’d been a Christian for years, but that’s when I was at last able to separate being “loved” by fragile human people and being “loved” by One whose love does not, cannot, fail.

Linda: Though Christians will say God has redeemed them, your book talks about the fact that many of those same people have a hard time believing that God loves them here and now. You get pretty upset about this. Why?

Margot: I do think that we’re willing to say that God accepted us in the moment of our salvation—when we prayed a prayer or were dunked under water—and we’ll believe that when we die we’ll be received in heaven.

But what about now?!

Because so many of us live with shame, it’s harder for us to believe that God loves us, exactly as we are and not as we should be, now.

I hear God’s gentle whisper saying, “Now. Just as you are. I love you now.”

Linda: Speaking of shame, one of the big themes of Not Who I Imagined is that we can be set free from shame. What do you mean by shame?

Margot: By “shame” I mean that sense that we’re not quite acceptable as we are. It’s that voice that whispers in our ears that if we were a little bit better than we actually we are we would be, at last, worth loving.

That’s not God’s voice.

God’s voices says, “You are mine. You are worth loving.”

That’s the voice to listen to. And as we choose for that voice in every moment, as we agree with the voice that is true, we’re set free from shame. Thanks be to God.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Linda: You suggest that some of us give Jesus and his Father the masks of “good cop” and “bad cop.” How does that impact the way we live and the way we relate to God?

Margot: As we search for the face we give to God, and we’re honest, some of us think that God’s face looking down on us is a little bit disappointed with our subpar performance. The divine expression communicates that God wishes we were a little different than we actually are. In the secret places of our hearts, we’ve given Jesus’ father a mask of judgment.

However, we’ve seen the children’s picture Bibles where Jesus is frolicking happily with children. He clearly delights in them! And we’re a bit more willing to believe that Jesus loves us.

Yet when Philip asks Jesus to show the disciples his Father, Jesus says, “I’m it! If you’ve seen this mug you know exactly what my dad looks like!”  (John 14:8, sort of)

There’s not “father of judgment” and “Jesus of love.” Same face!

Linda: What do you mean when you say we discover who we are in the faces of those around us?  Also, you talk about faces that lie and faces that tell the truth. Can you explain this?

Margot: Yup. The way that we discover who we are—whether we’re worth holding and feeding and nurturing and loving—is from the faces around us. Recent research on motor neurons has confirmed the ways that we register and record the faces of our earliest caregivers. If they found us unacceptable, we’ll find us unacceptable. If they found us worth loving, we’ll believe we’re worth loving.

Because God’s face says, definitively, that we’re worth loving, the faces that condemn, the ones that abuse, the ones that fail to confirm our inherent belovedness are all faces that lie.

Children, who are naturally egocentric, believe that what they get is what they deserve. Until a gracious face shines upon them, they may not know that the face that rages is one that lies about their worth. Whether it’s a grandparent or a teacher or a neighbor or an aunt, every one of us needs to see a human reflection of the Holy Face that shines on us.

 Helping our own Children

Linda: When we go through tough times in our marriage, particularly a separation or divorce, it’s inevitable that our children will be affected in some way. What can we do to provide that gracious face to them to ease their feeling of rejection and keep them from feeling they are unlovable?  Particularly if a parent has left, how do we help them see God’s loving face instead of the face of the parent who is leaving them?

Margot: It took a lot of therapy for me to learn the answer to this one!

It’s now my understanding that children can weather a lot, if they have one thing: a helping adult presence to reflect reality for them. That’s the mom who curls up in bed beside her child and whispers, “I’m so sorry you had to hear us fighting. Were you scared, baby?”  It’s the dad who acknowledges, “I miss you so much now that I don’t live in your house. It makes my heart really sad. I wonder what it’s like for you?”  It’s the parent who reflects, “I feel really angry that you’ve had to endure this. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you right now. Do you want to tell me?”

When a parent—either the parent who leaves or the one who stays—appropriately reflects concern and sadness and anger, I think they do show a child what God’s face is like.

Linda: That’s great advice—very helpful. How can people connect with you on the Internet?

Margot: I love connecting. Facebook is a good place, or www.MargotStarbuck.com

Note: By leaving a comment anytime between today through Sunday, March 9, your name will be entered in a drawing for a free copy of Margot’s book. Only those in the continental U.S. are eligible for the drawing because of shipping expenses, but you are always welcome to leave a comment.

 

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Divine Inconveniences

February 26, 2014 by 2 Comments

EVERY NOW AND THEN A SET OF “COINCIDENCES” HAPPEN that makes me gape in wonder at the loving God who orchestrates little details of an afternoon so that someone can find healing for a broken heart. Often it happens through a series of inconveniences that God allows, which prevents us from doing things according to our own plan, but works together for His. And then after my fretting and complaining about the inconvenience, I have to chuckle at my own naiveté and lack of understanding about the ways of God. OF COURSE, he’s using all these things for His purposes. He’s told us He’s doing that. But again and again we’re surprised.

But after the surprise, comes the wonder, the joy, and the knowledge that God is in control.

It Happened to Me

This happened to me one year at the International Christian Retailing Show, an event where publishers exhibit their books, and bookstore owners come to buy. Authors like me sometimes go also to meet with editors and submit book proposals.

After spending the day tromping up and down the long aisles of the Convention Center for a number of appointments and meetings, my high heels pinched at my toes, and my legs ached. I had just finished meeting with an editor of a publishing company about my latest book project, and now I was worn-out and ready for a break. It seemed a good time to phone my husband back too as we’d been missing each others’ calls all day.

Spotting a lone bench at the periphery of the booths, I made my way toward it and was about to sit down when I realized I was missing my purse. Speculating I had left it at the booth where I had just had my last appointment. I wearily wound my way back through the aisles, and, sure enough, discovered my purse next to the seat where I’d been sitting.

I retrieved it and made my way back to the bench only to find someone else sitting there.  More fatigued than ever, I wandered down several more aisles, looking for a place to rest until I finally found another vacant bench.  I sat and called my husband. He didn’t answer.

A Chance Encounter

A woman sat down beside me, and just to make conversation, I asked her if she owned a bookstore since that was generally true of most of the people there. She said she did and asked if I was a bookstore owner too. When I said I was an author, she asked what I’d written, but before I could give her an answer, my cell phone rang.  It was my husband. Not wanting to miss him again, I told her I needed to answer the call but she was welcome to look at my book. Then I grabbed a copy of Broken Heart on Hold from my bag and handed it to her.

As I spoke to my husband, I noticed the woman poring over the book, reading the back copy and the table of contents, flipping through the pages, and perusing several selections.

When I hung up the phone, the woman turned to me and said with great delight and a sense of amazement. “This is the book I’ve been looking for.”

Puzzled by her comment, I asked her what she meant.

Before she came to the retail show, she explained, a woman had come into her bookstore looking for a book to help her cope spiritually with her situation and offer encouragement.  Her husband had left her, and she was devastated.

The bookstore owner told her she didn’t know of such a book, but since she was going soon to the retail show where every Christian publisher displayed their books, she promised to find what the woman needed. Then she prayed to be able to fulfill her promise. Unhappily though, as she went from one publisher’s booth to another, she had not as yet found anything appropriate.

And so God orchestrated the strange maneuverings of our chance encounter, with me forgetting my purse, having sore feet, and not finding a place to sit, then beginning an offhand conversation with a stranger, which was interrupted by a phone call from my husband. All of this resulted in my responding to her question by handing her my book.

On her end, as she had approached the bench where I was sitting, she intended to take the seat behind me, but when someone intervened to take it first, she instead sat next to me where she “just happened” to discover the book she was praying to find.

So at the end of the day, a heart found help for healing, and I was reminded never to underestimate how intimately God’s love works in our lives to bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted.

“Look at the birds of the sky; they don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?” Matt 6:26

“For we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28 

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Filed Under: Love, Marital separation, Prayer, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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