Interviews Archives - Page 3 of 8 - Heart Talk with Linda Rooks

Unfaithful: Hope & Healing after Infidelity – Interview with Co-Author, Mona Shriver

February 24, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

WHEN INFIDELITY INVADES the sacred protection of marriage, shock waves strike at the very foundation of the relationship. The revelation brings unbelievable pain, and many marriages don’t survive. But they can. There is hope. According to Mona and Gary Shriver, authors of Unfaithful: Hope & Healing after Infidelity, a marriage can heal from the trauma of infidelity and eventually thrive once again.

For them, this isn’t just a theory. It’s personal. They have lived both the devastation and the recovery. And Mona is here to share from her heart what she learned from this experience and what she can now pass onto others about the hope and healing that is possible. Their story and their book, Unfaithful, is one I regularly recommend to those in our classes, and I am so pleased to be able to introduce her to you today.

Linda: Mona, I know your book, Unfaithful: Hope & Healing after Infidelity, is based on your personal story, and that you and your husband went through adultery in your own marriage. What led you to share such a deeply personal journey?

Mona: I was absolutely blind sighted by Gary’s admission of being unfaithful. I never, ever thought this could happen to us. Never thought Gary would be capable of such a thing.

Gary and I had been married twenty years. Happily, I thought. We had three active boys between the ages of seven and fourteen. Life was busy. We were Christians. We were best friends. The revelation of his adultery made me question everything I thought I knew, including myself. Gary wanted to save our marriage and I knew that was in line with God’s word. But frankly, I didn’t believe for one minute that we could heal. I knew our marriage was over, but I also knew I had to “try” so that when we did divorce, I could say we tried.

What I learned, what we learned, during that process was the reason we wrote Unfaithful. I learned that you can rebuild, or even build anew, a marriage with love, trust, intimacy and respect after infidelity. What we call a healthy marriage. It can be done. God can do it if you’ll both follow Him in the rebuilding. It was the hardest thing either of us has ever done but we are so glad we did.

Most people don’t believe that. That’s because all we normally see are marriages that didn’t heal. We had been told couples healed but when I asked to speak with someone who had done it, no one could be found. Later our counselor asked us to be that couple for someone else.

That’s how Hope & Healing Ministries began. The four of us met for a while, then began working alongside couples in our support groups. As we watched what God was doing for these marriages, the book just had to be written so others could hear the same words of hope.

Linda: You said marriages can heal from infidelity. People can heal. Tell my readers how that can actually happen. What does it take?

Mona: We tell couples only two things are required to start the healing process. First is a willingness to try. Both of you willing to work together to try and heal. This doesn’t mean you really believe you can do it. I didn’t. You may not know how you feel about the person you’re married to right now. Very understandable. It just means you’ll try.

That meant I would first commit to God. Sitting at God’s feet, seeking His guidance, being willing to do things His way.

The bottom line was that it wasn’t about what I had done or hadn’t done—blame. It wasn’t about trying to control my spouse or making sure our efforts were “even.” It wasn’t about making anybody happy. And it wasn’t about single handedly saving a marriage or manipulating healing. It was about being the person God created me to be whether I remained married or became single. It was about doing my part and not settling for anything less than real healing.

The second requirement is transparent honesty. Answering questions honestly. Expressing what you think and feel as best you can with as much kindness and respect as possible. This is not the time to acquiesce without input. Honesty sets the foundation for healing, and without it, the work you think you’ve done will crumble when the dishonesty is exposed. And everything counts right now. This is hard stuff, and sometimes you have the opportunity to apologize for how you communicated a truth. But as you continue to work together, you can learn how to better communicate. This is where support and a good Christian counselor can help you with new and better tools. We sure didn’t know what to do or how to do it. Some of us need to speak up more. Some of us need to be quiet more. Both of us need to listen. And treat each other with respect, not because they “deserve it” but because God asked us to treat all people with respect.

Linda: Someone might say, “I’m not sure I want to save this marriage.” Now what?

Mona: The revelation of adultery is comparable to the sudden death of someone you love. It is a trauma and it is that big. It overwhelms your ability to adapt. There are physiological changes in your brain that effect how you process information. You’re a mess—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. That means this is not the best time to make major life changing decisions.

So what do you do? Focus on healing. Even if you separate, the healing is still the focus. There is a wound and it’s huge. It needs to heal. And if your spouse is willing to work through that healing process with you, then that can make your healing a bit easier.

If you have children, this person will continue to be a part of your life whether or not the marriage heals. Your children have two parents and no amount of anger or bitterness will change that. In fact, those most hurt by unhealed wounds are the children. So go ahead and invest the time and effort towards healing. Your kids are worth it.

You can focus on healing because you really have nothing more to lose. Your life is already in chaos. The truth is that the quickest way out of this pain and to feeling good about life again is to heal. There is a third choice beside giving up (divorce) and giving in (staying in a miserable relationship) and that is to heal. As the healing progresses you will be better prepared to consider those life changing decisions.

Linda: How long does it take to heal from infidelity?

Mona: The truly honest answer is that it takes as long as it takes. It takes until both of you agree the healing is complete.

So what does a healed marriage look like? How do you know when it’s done? As you work through the process, gain some understanding, grieve that which was lost, and resurrect that which is necessary, the acute pain goes away. You will never forget—that is impossible. But it will not dominate your thoughts or control your life like it does in the beginning. It will become a sad memory. But we all live with sad memories in our lives—that doesn’t mean we quit living.

Healing is complete when both of you feel you can approach your spouse with anything. Now that doesn’t mean all your talks are fun—we are still human beings after all. The point is to listen to each other and treat each other with respect and kindness even if we don’t agree so we can reach decisions with which we can both live.

The realization that we were fully healed came in retrospect. It happened so slowly I missed the moment. That was okay.

Linda: What else can help couples heal from adultery?

Mona: Educate yourself on this process of healing. Unfortunately, not all therapists and pastors agree on the best way to heal from adultery. That can not only be confusing it can make it more difficult. We have several recommendations on our website at Hope & Healing Ministries. hopeandhealingministries.us

We also have a free resource available that might be a good place to start. The Crisis Support Booklet offers ten foundational truths in bite-sized pieces about adultery recovery with encouragement from others who have walked this path. Go to the website, click “Couples Support”, click “Infidelity Recovery” and scroll down to “Crisis Support Booklet.” Each person will benefit from having their own copy.

Linda: Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers?

Mona: There is so much more I wish I could share. So many have questions on forgiveness, trust and so much more. Unfortunately not all can be addressed here. But you can find answers that will aid your journey to healing.

Oswald Chambers says this. “It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something”. I found this so true in the journey of our healing. I had some “unlearning” to do.

This healing journey is not easy but it is so worth it. Gary nor I are the same people we were before we went through the healing process to rebuild our marriage. And quite frankly, we’re glad. We like ourselves and each other a whole lot more.

You don’t have to go through this alone. There are resources out there to help you. We encourage you to seek and access the resources you need. May the Lord give you the wisdom and the strength to complete the journey.

Linda: Speaking of resources, how can your book Unfaithful help couples who decide they want to try to work through the healing after infidelity takes place in their marriage?

Mona: Our book, Unfaithful: Hope and Healing after Infidelity is written from the perspective of a couple who has been through adultery recovery. By switching back and forth between the perspective of the betrayer and the one betrayed, the book helps couples better understand each other’s experience as they move through the process of healing.

This book conveys some common elements of the healing process along with Biblical principles to help guide readers through recovery. There is also a section on emotional affairs. When the book was revised we were able to add a lot of what we’d learned from the experts and from the hundreds of couples we’ve been privileged to walk alongside. And at the end of each chapter we’ve included discussion questions that can be a great way to begin addressing the issues couples face as they work through their recovery.

Linda: I know in the past you’ve also had marriage intensives for couples after infidelity. Please tell us about them and what you’re doing currently.

Mona: We will always talk with and support couples as long as we’re breathing so we’re not quitting ministry, but we are making changes to the method in which we deliver it. We did Weekend Intensives from 2010 through 2019 and had basically decided to cease offering those when COVID hit. So we’re spending this time making videos of what we consider to be our most important sessions from those weekends. They are filmed and currently being edited so should be available within a few months. Gary just happens to be a professional audio video engineer so he’s just beginning the editing portion of this project. These will also be available on YouTube. We’ll be notifying those on our email list when they’re ready.

Linda: How can people find out more about you, your book Unfaithful, and your ministry?

Mona: People can reach out to us by going to our website, http://hopeandhealing.us.

Filed Under: Adultery, BOOKS, Divorce, forgiveness, Hope, Infidelity, Interviews, marriage, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: adultery, author interview, books for marriage, divorce, hope, Infidelity, marital reconciliation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, Marriage resources, troubled marriage, unfaithfulness

Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved – Author Interview with Joe and Michelle Williams

January 21, 2021 by Linda Rooks 1 Comment

When a person’s marriage crashes into crisis, one of the first questions they may ask, is, “Can my marriage be saved? Or is it too late?” Joe and Michelle Williams’ book answers that question directly. Their book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, not only tells you that yes, it can, but it provides numerous tools to help you actually do it.

Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is a companion book to the course the Williams had previously created called Marriage 911, a course that my husband and I have lead for 14 years in Central Florida, and a course that takes place in numerous cities across America. If you have taken Marriage 911, this book will solidify for you the principles in the class. If not, it will give you fresh perspectives to help you discover the truth in the title of their book. For, yes, your marriage can be saved. I am pleased today to interview Joe and Michelle Williams about their book.

Linda: Michelle, tell us what lead you to write your book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, that was published by Focus on the Family in 2006?

Michelle: After Joe and I reconciled from being separated for two years, we began helping marriages in crisis in 1990. In 1997 we created a workbook and a 12-week curriculum that many churches in California and across the nation began using to help couples who seemed to have no hope. As you know, we also began traveling to many of the churches, including yours, and meeting many leaders and authors. Many of the authors, including yourself, encouraged us to write a book using true stories from the many people we had helped.

Linda: So, Joe, would you say that Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is a book that includes only stories of saved marriages?

Joe: No, even though the book is filled with true stories of people whose marriages were on the brink of divorce we felt it was important to include stories of marriages that didn’t make it. For instance, one of the guys that I worked with during his marriage crisis did everything he could to save the marriage, but his wife had no desire to work on the marriage and finally filed for divorce. I wanted his story in there because he was an example of men who need to stay plugged into a support group and not go through their pain alone. Steve did that, and even though he has not remarried, he became a godly man for his children and had peace through his difficult time.

Linda: Please tell us more about the book. I know it includes stories from those you have walked alongside. But what else is in your book?

Michelle: Our story of separation and reconciliation is also woven throughout each chapter and includes all the reconciliation tools that are in our Marriage 911: First Response workbook. At the end of each chapter are questions that can be answered in small groups, as a couple, or privately.

Linda: Can you give an example of how Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved differs from the Marriage 911 workbook since it includes the same tools?

Michelle: Yes, as you know, our 12-week workbook is meant to be done with a same gender support partner or in a same-gender class, without the participation of their spouse. In contrast, Yes, Your Marriage Can be Saved is designed to be read as a couple so they can contemplate the questions together or with other couples. The examples and communication tips are explained in a way that is easy for a couple to discuss since there is a lot of humor intertwined with teaching them better ways to disagree or accept personality and anger-expression differences.

Linda: So, if someone is separated or has a spouse who doesn’t want to read it, is the book still helpful?

Joe: I don’t like to read, so Michelle reads out loud to me while we drive. I’ve “read” tons of books without ever having to! Most of the guys I know feel the same, but all of them have said they don’t mind being read to.

Michelle: If someone is physically separated we recommend getting a small group together or at least one other same-gender person to read it and discuss weekly. But, honesty, many of the people we have heard from over the years have read it alone, put the tools in action and made their own personal changes without their spouse ever participating. As Joe mentioned, there are several stories of marriages that were not saved, but lives changed for the better and we include those stories to encourage the reader whose marriage may not be saved. Remember, the name of the books is “Yes, Your Marriage CAN Be Saved”…not WILL.

Linda: Do people use both the Marriage 911 workbook and the Yes, Your Marriage Can be Saved book together?

Michelle: That is always the best way if a church is offering a 12-week class. The workbook has all the tools, but not all the examples. In Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved each tool is discussed in depth with several examples of additional communication tips. Since a couple can read the book together they do not have to have their own, as they do with the workbook.

Linda: Can you two give an example of the tools and communication tips?

Joe: The first thing we recommend in Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved is to create a support system so that the reader does not go through their marriage crisis alone. Being isolated and alone is what Satan wants, and when someone is alone and hopeless the enemy wins. The support system of our ministry is key—regardless of how the marriage is doing. Another important factor about having support is that it creates accountability. In my own life, until Michelle and I separated in 1987 for two years, I had never been accountable to a group of men. I think my being in a men’s group and studying the word with other guys played a big part of Michelle and I reconciling.

Michelle: We know the importance of accepting differences when it comes to communicating, because that was one of the biggest hurdles for us in our marriage. Woven throughout the book are tips and tools to deal with anger, honesty, fear, and personality differences. These differences can really show up when storms such as parenting, finances, or family drama blindside a marriage. So in Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved we create examples of how to accept these differences and keep a right focus so couples or individuals can not only survive but actually thrive in the midst of difficulty.

Linda: Where can couples get the book?

Joe: They can order it from their local bookstore, or Amazon, or visit our website, Marriage911Godsway.com. Many of the churches who offer our ministry have it on hand in their church library or bookstore.

Linda: If someone wants to start a Marriage 911 program in their church, how should they go about it?

Michelle: It’s easy to start a ministry. Just visit the website: Marriage911Godsway.com, and order a leader’s kit. We have a step-by-step plan in the leader’s guide, which explains how to start a small group or class, or use the resources one-on-one. The weekly videos on our website can be used in a small group or class, or the person can do it on their own.

Linda: If someone wants to attend, but there isn’t a Marriage 911 class nearby, is there an alternative?

Joe: We offer trained national support partners and online videos once a person orders any of our workbooks or book.

Filed Under: BOOKS, Divorce, Hope, How to win, Interviews, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, marriage resources, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, books for marriage, divorce, hope, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, Marriage resources, troubled marriage

Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart – Interview with Author, Julie K. Gillies

December 16, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

When I asked Julie Gillies if she wanted to do an author interview on my blog, the title of her new book seemed tailor-made for 2020. Is there any time in history when more of us have had anxious hearts? All over the world, anxiety permeates our lives. The year 2020 has brought one anxious situation after another, and we are all reeling, not only with anxiety about today, but with questions about what will happen tomorrow.

Julie’s new book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, helps readers focus on God instead of our anxieties as she gently leads us to know God better, know the Scripture, and know how to pray. Here is a book that might not only be a good one for you to read yourself, but to give to friends and family as gifts this Christmas.

Linda: Tell us why you wrote Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart?

Julie: While on my knees one evening praying specifically for a family member who struggles with anxiety, I wished for a book on anxiety and prayer I could offer them; something Scripture-based and simple so it would be encouraging but not overwhelming to read. That single thought flashed into an idea that eventually became the devotional, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart.

I had no idea it would release in the middle of arguably the most difficult year most of us have ever navigated. 2020 has spiked anxiety levels worldwide. Most of us have experienced fear, confusion, health concerns, and various degrees of isolation. Civil unrest, violence, bare grocery shelves, and even toilet paper shortages are realities few of us have navigated. And, of course, add to this the ongoing (or acute) relational, marriage, career, or personal issues we all cope with. Our hearts need peace now more than ever!

Linda: There are lots of devotional books available to readers, but tell us why your book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, can especially help people during troubling times.

Julie: I’m a huge fan of learning by doing, so this book provides actual prayers for the reader to pray. Those Who struggle with anxiety struggle to focus, and so these prayers keep the reader focused through simple yet powerful prayers. The devotional portion is brief yet meaningful and focuses on Scripture (which is what we all need more of right now). We don’t need more opinions, information, or ideas. We need more of God’s word in our hearts! It stabilizes us, and fills us with truth and peace.

Linda: Since Jesus promises peace, why do you think so many of us are so anxious?

Julie: Here in America, we Americans are accustomed to and expect certain levels of peace, comfort and security. We want tranquil, undisturbed, nearly perfect lives. Most of us are unused to the challenging events 2020 has brought. Plus, we’re not robots—we have emotions and struggle to find our equilibrium in hard times. Jesus knows this and offers us precious comfort and reassurance:

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] (John 16:33) (AMPC)

Jesus is saying life on this earth will be hard—no matter where we live. Reality check: we aren’t in eternity yet! We can still be confident and even undaunted, not because the world lines up in Utopian perfection, but because Jesus offers us His supernatural and perfect peace in the storm.

Linda: How can we trust that God really hears our prayers when bad things keep happening?

Julie: It’s disheartening and distressing when we pray and we don’t see the results we long for. It’s tempting to believe God doesn’t hear or care. But He always listens and always hears us (see John 11:42).

God is often more interested in developing godly character in us and helping us to develop perseverance and tenacity than in reducing our discomforts. He wants us to ask and keep on asking (Matthew 7:7). We can’t give up. We must continue to pray for peace, for our family, for those in authority and for our nation, because that’s what God wants. Ultimately we trust that God is sovereign and the response is in His hands.

Whatever we’re enduring personally, the Lord knows and cares about every detail. He sees our hurts. He understands our pain. Nothing escapes His notice! I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalm 31:7)

Lastly, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that God is in the fire with us (see Daniel 3). Life in 2020 has felt more uncomfortable and hotter than most of us have experienced, but our true comfort and our saving grace is that we are not in it alone. Just like He was with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, Jesus Himself is in the fire with us.

Linda: That’s an encouraging perspective. How do we shift from simply knowing God offers peace to actually living a less anxious life?

Julie: Our focus determines our peace level. It’s important to be aware because Jesus said to watch and pray, but it’s a divine balance. We want to pray effectively by being aware of the issues of our time, but we don’t want to be obsessed with those issues. So we want to be informed but not obsessed.

To have rest in our souls we must protect our primary focus: we must read God’s Word more than we read social media or watch the news. Not in a head-in-the sand way but in a God, You are sovereign and holy and greater way. Ultimately our goal should be to pray and keep our hearts riveted on Jesus, because what we think about steers our hearts.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Julie: All of my books, including Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, are available wherever books are sold. To read the first chapter of each book for free (and for more FREE sources), I invite your readers to visit my website: www.JulieGillies.com

Filed Under: BOOKS, Covid, Depression, faith, Fear, God's Word, health, Hope, Interviews, Knowing God, Peace, Prayer, Time with God, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: anxiety, author interview, depression, faith, fear, Feeling lost, God's love, hard times, health issues, hope, invisible God, peace, prayer, trust, unanswered prayer, worry

Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss: An Interview with Author Kim Erickson

November 11, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Losing a child may be one of the most intensely painful experiences a person can endure. No one should have to bury their own child. Sadly, for those parents who do experience this, the sorrow can last for many years. In her book, Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss, author Kim Erickson gives parents a lifeline to hope as she shares her own story of the loss of her three-year-old son and the path to surviving the sorrow of a lifetime and learning to live again.

Linda: Please tell us why you wrote Surviving Sorrow.

Kim: In April 2008, I was just cruising through my life, thinking that I had everything I needed. I had a great job, a husband I was crazy about, and two beautiful young boys. Austin was 3 and Ethan was 15 months. I did not, however, have everything I needed.

I did not have God in my life. I did not have a relationship with Jesus. When I got the call that the ambulance was at our house for Austin, who had been sick for a few days with strep throat, I didn’t even think to pray. I got the call that is every parent’s nightmare and my mind didn’t even consider God – that’s how far away from God I was back in April 2008.

While I was far from God in my mind and heart, God was not far from me. He did something miraculous that day. No, He didn’t heal Austin. He took Austin to heaven, but God did allow me a moment to truly feel His presence, to fully understand that He is real, and know that Heaven is waiting. In that single moment as Austin left this earth for heaven, God changed me. He grabbed my heart and filled it with peace, hope, love, and joy. I hung my humbled head and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior just two days later.

Surviving Sorrow is my offer of sacrifice to God for His never-ending lovingkindness for us, for the world. It is my deepest desire to help others experience God in the middle of their deepest sorrow, like I did. I’m praying Surviving Sorrow helps them draw close to God in their darkest hour.

Linda: Who would benefit from this book?

Kim: Although I wrote this book for mothers who’ve lost a child, I’m finding out that others are benefiting from Surviving Sorrow. Many times, friends are picking up this book to help them understand how to help someone who has lost a child. They are reading it first, then giving it to a mom who has lost a child. Also, people with other losses (like husbands, nieces, cousins, friends, etc.) have been telling me that Surviving Sorrow helped them draw closer to God through a difficult loss of someone they loved. It’s really humbling to see God use this book in so many different ways.

Linda: There are lots of books about grief and the grieving process. How is Surviving Sorrow different?

Kim: There are a lot of fantastic books about grief and grieving the loss of a child, and I have read many of them. I like to say that Surviving Sorrow is not a book about grieving. It’s a book about living. The focus is not on the grieving process, but rather on how to pick yourself up off the floor and try your best to carry on with life. When our son died, I needed some help with the practical aspects of living without our son. What do I say when a stranger asks how many kids I have? How do I get through the grocery store without a meltdown? What do I do with my child’s things? How will I make it through the holidays? Help!

So, each chapter deals with an issue that comes up while you live with your loss. There are practical ideas listed for each segment. There are “Survival Steps” (how do I keep living?) and “Spiritual Steps” (how do I relate to God now?) for each chapter.

Linda: We’ve heard that it is difficult for a marriage to survive the loss of a child – even that most marriages don’t make it through such a tragedy. Is that true?

Kim: I’m so glad you asked this question! It’s NOT true. In fact, the divorce rate among couples who’ve suffered the loss of a child is lower than the national average. People think it (and often say it out loud!), but it’s simply not true. That being said, it’s definitely not easy on your marriage to go through something like child loss. Like a lot of things you encounter as a couple, the stress of grieving can cause interactions with your spouse to be magnified in some way. What didn’t bother you before, might bother you now and vice versa. Emotions are running on high, so marriages can be strained. But, there is no need to give in to a hopeless feeling. Now is the time to fight for your marriage!

Linda: What do you think is the most important thing for couples to keep in mind as they navigate their marriage through a tragedy or difficult season?

Kim: Treat each other gently. I think it’s really important to remember that you both are experiencing this difficult thing. No matter if the difficulty relates more to one of you than the other. As a married couple, if something is tragic in one of your lives, both of you are experiencing it. If the tough circumstance involves your child or children, then it’s double the trouble because you both are so close to the problem and you likely can’t see straight. You must step back from yourself and remember that your spouse is hurting, too. It bears repeating: treat each other gently.

Linda: What advice do you have for readers who may not be suffering through child loss, but are facing a different kind of tragedy within their family?

Kim: Try to give each other space. Space to let out emotions. Space to just “be.” Be compassionate about how the other people in your family need to process this difficult season. We all handle things differently, and we need to be able to respect that about our loved ones. Allow your spouse or your loved ones the time to do some individual processing. You’ll be surprised to see how much better you will all do together if you each get some time to express yourself in whatever way is best for each person.

Linda: The tagline for Heart Talk is “Finding Hope in Unexpected Places.” Have you and your husband been able to find hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child?

Kim: Believe it or not, yes! The only way, however, is with God’s help. It’s still overwhelming to me how much the Almighty God is willing to hold, sit next to, take a temper tantrum, or wipe my tears. If you lean into Him, He will wrap you in His arms and comfort you. My hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child is in an eternity that has no more death, no more pain, no more tears.

Linda: Your ministry focus is helping women find outrageous joy through a deeper relationship with God. Can you explain what that means to you?

Kim: I spent most of my life rejecting the idea that Jesus Christ was my Savior and Lord. I had a good life by the world’s standards, but I didn’t have the inner peace and amazing joy I have now. A relationship with Jesus is the answer to whatever you are seeking. The result of a relationship with Jesus is outrageous joy, no matter what happens in your life.

Linda: How can people find your book and connect with you?

Kim: I’d love to connect on Facebook (Kim Erickson, Author) or Instagram (@kimerickson8). They can find more information and free resources on my website: www.kimAerickson.com. Surviving Sorrow can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Moody Publishers. I look forward to meeting some of your readers!

Filed Under: Children, comfort, Death, faith, Grief, Interviews, Letting go, loss, Marriage problems, Peace, Problems, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: author interview, children, death of a child, grief, hard times, invisible God, peace, seeking answers

Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes! – Author Interview with Deb DeArmond

September 30, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

When the heaviness of our circumstances weigh us down, our hearts crave something to lighten our spirits. It’s an unexpected pleasure when humor comes to the rescue. Humor can bring healing, and finding good, healthy humor is a tonic to the spirit. While author Deb DeArmond usually writes books on marriage and relationships, her newest book, Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes, takes a detour into a humorous look at life and God’s prescription on how to live it. Our interview today will tell you more.

Linda: Deb, the first time you told me the title of your book, Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes, I chuckled. It’s an absolutely delightful title. Would you please tell us where you came up with the concept of a book based on bumper stickers? It’s more than a bit unusual. Tell us about it . . .

Deb: Because I often write blogposts and articles, I’m always looking for themes I can turn into a series. A friend posted a photo on social media she’d taken of two cars she’d spotted, side by side, in a parking lot. One had a bumper sticker that read:” The truth will set you free, but first it will tick you off!” The other read “Don’t believe everything you think.”

They both made me laugh, and as I considered them further, I saw biblical truth in those two statements. The idea of the “truth above the tailpipe” intrigued me. We live busy lives, trying to stretch ourselves thin every day. Trying to find time to spend in the Word of God.

I wrote my first posts with the original two as the titles and included a brief explanation of how they’d been “born.” People, some total strangers, sent me their favorite bumper sticker sayings. The rest, as they say, is history!

Linda: So, where did the term “Be-Attitudes” come from? What’s the connection?

Deb: The concept behind Be-Attitudes came from my publisher, Deb Haggerty. You may recall from the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5, Jesus identified eight Beatitudes—values or principles—that when practiced, lead to a blessing. These attributes are significant today, just as they were when Jesus spoke them:

humility, righteousness, self-control
a submitted and selfless heart
love, empathy, and peace, to name just a few

Linda: How did you select the fifty titles that appear in the book?

Deb: It wasn’t easy! Over the span of two years, I’d collected more than 300 Bumper Stickers! I sorted through and separated them by topics. I wanted a good balance of different themes and messages that packed a spiritual punch with some humor on the side.

All of the themes feature humor, a quick true story, a scriptural basis, and a set of tips and challenges at the end of each chapter. Learning new principles is great. Doing something with that knowledge is even better!

We live in a challenging time. Current culture is often unkind and self-focused. Believers are challenged to maintain an attitude of Christ-likeness, which is essential to reaching a world in desperate need of the Savior.

Messages that enlighten, encourage and empower provide us with hope in unexpected places. Even in the carpool lane – those became quick picks.

Linda: Why is humor an important aspect of this book?

Deb: There are several reasons I chose to make this something that would bring a smile to the reader. Maybe even a guffaw.

We are bombarded by messages from a world determined to inform, sell and influence something. Television, movies, social media – you name it – they all have a message they hope we’ll latch on to. And often it’s entertaining and fun.

We have a message, too—THE MESSAGE—of the love of God. And from the bumper of the car in front of us to the fortune cookie at the end of the meal, one-liners that are meant to entertain often hold a much deeper meaning when seen through the eyes of those who follow Christ.

I believe in the power of humor – research suggests it is healing; it has the power to lift our spirits, open our hearts, and in many cases, heal us – body, soul, and spirit. Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes was written to capture those deeper meanings and combine them with a hearty helping of fun so it touches the heart with humor and truth.

Think of all the great “laugh lines” from movies you love. Do you know why you remember them? Because humor helps ideas and concepts to stick. We learn more effectively and recall more accurately when we are having fun in the process. Knowing the Bible deep in our heart equips us for what the day may bring!

Linda: Do you have any personal favorites among the chapters?

Deb: Just like a mama, it’s tough to have a favorite among your babies – even your book babies. But I must admit, there are a few that stand out.

My mother was a unique woman. She never finished high school and was always a bit uncomfortable about it. She’d had a summer job before her senior year of high school and when she was offered full-time status to stay on in the fall, she accepted. It was during the Depression and her family was struggling. So, she read voraciously. Her intelligence did not just involve her intellect, but her heart and soul also favored her common-sense approach to life. There are several chapters I consider “Memos from Mama.” Titles include:

If You Can’t Be Kind, Be Quiet
Cancel My Subscription, I Don’t Need Your Issues
Youth is Fleeting, But Immaturity Can Last a Lifetime!

Another favorite category in the book is marriage. I’ve lived in matrimonial bliss for 45 years. Well, most of the time, much of the time – okay sometimes it’s bliss. It’s never been what I’d call effortless, but it’s always been worth the effort. We are blessed. I know Jesus loves me because he gave me the finest man on the planet. He loves me on my good and bad days. And I return that grace. Because marriage is a primary topic for my other books, our life experiences have had more “airing out” in public than most.

The chapter entitled Laughter is the Shortest Distance Between Two People tells the tale of co-authoring a book together. It was our first and, most likely, it’s probably also our last. It’s among the toughest things we’ve ever done together. The book is titled Don’t Go to Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight! It required we look back at our then 42 years of marriage and share our experiences. We both had razor sharp memories about our life together. We just didn’t recall them in exactly the same way. And that’s when the trouble began.

It caused a bit of a dust-up, an intense moment of fellowship as we call it. And in the middle of our discussion, I began to laugh. It startled him. He demanded to know, “What’s so funny?” which only made me laugh louder. Here we were having a conflict while writing about conflict. And then he joined me as we snorted and guffawed for several minutes. Life is full of surprises.

Linda: So, Deb, where can people find your books, including Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes?

Deb: Online at Amazon is the best spot to locate all four of my books. Readers can also find me on my website, Family Matters at debdearmond.com

Thanks, Linda for inviting me in today.

Filed Under: BOOKS, God's Word, Hope, Humor, Interviews, joy, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, faith, hope, humor for healing, joy

Healthy Living Series—Interview with author, Susan Neal

August 26, 2020 by Linda Rooks 1 Comment

In the year of Covid, our lives are more intertwined with health concerns than ever before. Stress exacerbates health issues, and health issues exacerbate stress. Finances, jobs, school, relationships and health all lumped together in a pot of worry stew. When facing other challenges in life, our health sometimes takes a back seat. But during these precarious times, we need to take care of ourselves and be aware of how to nurture our bodies so we can stay strong and healthy. If you are going through challenging times with health, weight, or diet, award winning author Susan Neal’s series of books called the Healthy Living Series may provide the encouragement you need to live a healthier, more productive life. Susan is an RN with a masters in health science and an MBA and has a passion to help others improve their health.

Linda: Susan, what prompted you to write this series of books that you call the Healthy Living Series?

Susan: When my sister was diagnosed with gluten sensitivity, she asked me to help her stop eating wheat. From my experience, this is difficult to do, so I created a seven-step plan for her to follow. My sister took the seven-step plan to heart. Her liver enzymes returned to normal, her pre-diabetic state reversed, and her irritable bowel symptoms disappeared. However, she continued to eat sugary foods, not recognizing their effect on her health.

One year later, she got rosacea and needed to get off sugar as it contributed to this condition. She repeated the same seven-steps with success. But more than that she lost a lot of weight, her joints no longer ached, and she felt energized. The rosacea disappeared too! I thought others could be helped through this seven-step plan so I wrote 7 Steps to Get Off Sugar and Carbohydrates.

Linda: Would you describe for us that 7 step plan?

Susan: Yes, these are the 7 Steps to Get Off Sugar and Carbohydrates

Decide to improve your health through proper nutrition.
Acquire a support system and knowledge to help make a lifestyle change.
Clean out the pantry and refrigerator by removing unhealthy foods and clean out your emotions with God.
Purchase healthy foods plus an anti-Candida cleanse.
Plan for the start date to begin changing your eating habits.
Prepare and eat foods differently than you did before.
Improve your health through continuing this new lifestyle, never turning back to your old eating habits.

Linda: I understand this is a series of three books. What are the three books included in, Healthy Living Series: 3 Books in 1?

Susan: The first book in the series, 7 Steps to Get Off Sugar and Carbohydrates, won the Selah award and became a number #1 Amazon best seller. I wrote the second book, Christian Study for 7 Steps to Get Off Sugar and Carbohydrates, to help readers deal with emotional eating. Sometimes emotional wounds from trauma, abuse, or tragedy need healing to stop the cycle of emotional eating. The final book in the series, Healthy Living Journal, won the Golden Scrolls Award for best inspirational gift book. It helps track your eating and well-being to figure out if a specific food is causing problems. I put all three books into a mega book, Healthy Living Series: 3 Books in 1 so readers could purchase all three books for the price of two. You can click here and scroll down the page to read the first chapter of each of these books.

Linda: There’s a lot of health books out there, but I think you add something more to help the process be more successful. From the title of your second book, it sounds like these books are written from a Christian perspective.

Susan: Yes, they are. Changing ones eating habits is challenging. I know because I craved sugar and carbs when I lost my health nine years ago. I suffered with ten medical diagnoses and two surgeries. One of those issues, a Candida overgrowth in my gut, caused me to desire the wrong kind of foods. As I was struggling to remove alcohol, sugar, and refined carbohydrates from my diet, I used God’s mighty weapons of prayer and the sword of the Spirit to fight temptation. I’ve incorporated many spiritual tactics into these books such as having a prayer/accountability partner. I couldn’t have regained my health without God’s help.

Linda: I think that is important. Even when we realize we need to change our eating habits, it can be very hard to do. What advice do you have for our readers?

Susan: Many people have lost hope about recovering their health or weight as 50 percent of Americans suffer with a chronic illness and 40 percent experience obesity. But there is hope! God gave us nutritious, healthy food to eat. We need to replace processed food with God’s food, and gain knowledge and spiritual support to reclaim our health. With God’s help, you can!

If you choose to embark on this plan, you will radically improve your health and energy by merely removing sugars and refined carbohydrates. However, this plan is not a diet, where once you complete the seven steps, you’re done. This is a lifestyle change. Typically, diets are unsuccessful because after people lose their desired weight, they go back to old eating habits, which caused them to gain weight in the first place, and find themselves facing the same challenges again and again.

That’s why I’ve gone even deeper and created a course, 7 Steps to Reclaim Your Health and Optimal Weight. This course helps identify the root cause of poor eating habits and resolve it. Once resolved, you get your normal palate and self-control back. When you make this lifestyle change you can experience the life God intended for you to live. You will also be in better shape to serve Him better.

Linda: With everyone having to shelter at home, are there supplements to take or foods to eat that can help people stay healthier so they are more apt to ward off this virus?

In addition to prevention tactics that I’ll list below, boost your immune system so your body can fight off the virus if you become exposed to it. Follow these immune building tips:

Take echinacea. I’ve taken Esberitox for over twenty years. This supplement includes two varieties of echinacea. The chewable tablets taste similar to SweetTarts so kids take them easily.
Avoid high sugar foods because sugar decreases the immune system. Don’t eat foods or beverages with added sugar, that includes sugar-laden coffee drinks.
Take a daily probiotic to enhance your gut microbiome which is where many of your immune cells are derived.
Avoid getting extremely cold. Lowering your body temperature reduces your immune system.
Eat a balanced diet with lots of vegetables and fruits. Avoid processed foods.
Increase your vitamin C intake by taking a supplement and eating citrus fruits.
Get your vitamin D through a supplement or get in the sun.
Exercise a couple of times a week.
Moderate your alcohol intake.
Sleep at least eight hours.

If you are interested in more immune boosting tips watch a YouTube video that Tina Yeager and I created “Immune Boosters You Might Already Have in Your Kitchen.”

Linda: What are the prevention tactics people need to use to protect their health and stay healthy?

Susan: The number one thing you can do is wear a mask when you are in public. In addition, wash your hands for up to one minute, especially after touching surfaces in public places. After washing my hands in a public restroom, I grab an extra paper towel and use it to open the bathroom door to leave. I use that same paper towel to push the door open to exit the building. I leave the paper towel on the floorboard of my car to discard later.

Also, keep a container of antibacterial wipes in your car. Use a wipe to open doors to public buildings. After shopping, especially when handling money or signing with a public credit card pen, wipe your hands with a wipe when you return to your vehicle. Phones and purses pick up a lot of germs. Wipe off the bottom of your purse, wallet, and phone with an antiseptic wipe.

Linda: Where can readers find more about you and your books in the Healthy Living Series?

Susan: Readers can find my books, courses, and numerous free gifts such as 7-Days to Reboot Your Metabolism at SusanUNeal.com. My motto is “Inspiring others to improve their health so they can serve God better.” May God bless your readers’ endeavor to improve health and well-being.

Filed Under: BOOKS, Feeling unworthy, health, health issues, Hope, How to win, Interviews, New Directions, stress, Uncategorized, weight problems Tagged With: author interview, Covid, Goal Setting, health issues, hope, New Directions, what to do

Wounded Women of the Bible, Finding Hope When It Hurts – Interview with co-author Tina Samples

July 16, 2020 by Linda Rooks 3 Comments

Today I’m happy to be interviewing Tina Samples, co-author of Wounded Women of the Bible: Finding Hope When Life Hurts. In her book, Tina and co-author Dena Dyer share stories of hope from both the Bible and real life, which I think will encourage many of you. Tina is a Colorado-based writer, speaker, and worship leader, who serves alongside her husband Dave, the pastor of Grace River Church in Windsor, Colorado.

Linda: Tina, tell me what prompted the writing of this book?

Tina: As a pastor’s wife, I minister to many hurting and wounded women. I started meeting with four women who were having extreme difficulties in their marriage. After our first meeting, I left wishing there was some kind of study I could use to help these women through their crises and suffering. A few days later I awoke with my name being called. “Tina!” The clock read 3:00am. Thinking perhaps my son was calling for me, I listened. But I did not hear my son. Instead, I heard, “Tina, women in the Bible who have been wounded.” I asked the Lord if I should write about that and in my spirit heard him say yes. I then began the process of researching women in the Bible who were wounded. I had no idea the project would turn into anything more. Later on, I realized this project was bigger than me and asked my wonderful friend Dena Dyer, if she would like to help write the book. I’m so glad she agreed.

Linda: The premise of Wounded Women of the Bible is that women today are not alone: women all around them, and women in the past (in the Bible), have experienced the same difficulties. What are some of the stories from Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: As we look through the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, we find many women who experienced deep pain in a variety of ways. In Wounded Women of the Bible, we look at these women’s lives. We touch on the two women in Solomon’s court and the battle of betraying a friend. We take a look at Abigail who seemed to have it all, yet behind closed doors lived with a mean and surly man. The readers will hear the desperation from the widow of Zarephath who struggled to make it through a famine. They will read about Jephthah and the wounding a father can place on their daughters. This book touches on wounded relationships and women who suffered through infertility. We read Jochebed’s story of having to release a child. And then there is Dinah who was sexually violated. Women will be able to relate to so many women in this book because we’ve been through it ourselves.

Dena did a wonderful job interviewing women in today’s world who experienced similar wounds as the biblical women. Modern day women share their own stories of healing. Women will come away with a greater understanding that they are not alone in their quest to find freedom.

Linda: Along those lines, what are some of the stories from your own past that are used in the book?

Tina: I grew up in poverty. My father stumbled into a life of crime early on in his life. He was a non-believer and my mother was a believer. Through my mother’s influence, we came to know Christ. I share about my own sexual abuse as a child and how God helped me find forgiveness and freedom. I share about a great loss. My brother’s murder was horrific and difficult to overcome.

Dena also shares some of her own personal stories, struggles, wounds, and how God helped her walk through them. The book was difficult at times to write, yet cathartic and healing all at the same time.

Linda: What do readers need to keep in mind when reading Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: This book is meant to open eyes and bring insight to how biblical women faced similar wounds that we go through. Our prayer has been that through this book, women will come to face their own hidden wounds and find freedom once and for all. It’s easy for women to cover their pain and past wounds with a band aide, but God wants to take off these superficial fixes and bind the wound in His way. Psalm 147 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” The word binding means to wrap like a turban. Think of a cast. When someone has a broken leg, the doctor casts it so the break can heal. The Lord wants to do the same with our wounds. God wants to wrap them with His healing balm. The balm comes in the form of His words, scripture, Bible passages, walking with us while we work through our hurts, allowing God to love us through them, and receiving His help. We just need to allow God to rip away the band aide we’ve placed on the wound so He can truly heal what’s beneath.

Linda: Pain can be felt in so many ways: the death of a loved one, divorce, infertility, etc. How can one person’s pain help another person if they did not experience the same thing?

Tina: We may not be able to relate to every person’s story but there is one thing we can relate to: the wound. I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t been wounded in some way or another. We can empathize with others by reminding ourselves of the pain we once experienced and how God brought us through that situation. Pain is pain. We can choose to walk through life with other hurting women. So often we have a difficult time doing that due to our own wounds. But when we find freedom – we have the power to minister in ways we never dreamed possible.

Linda: On your webpage, you have something called the “Wounded Women Pledge.” I have a feeling there might be a story behind this. Can you tell us the reason for this?”

Tina: At our previous church, I was wounded by someone close to me. As the pastor’s wife, I found that many women had a difficult time reaching out to me. Many of my friends turned away. I felt abandoned and alone. For some reason women often have a difficult time walking with other hurting women. We judge and turn away too easily. Perhaps the wound gets a little too close to the woman who never fully dealt with her own wound. I’ve heard sad stories from women losing longtime friends because they divorced due to abusive relationships or from infidelity. Those women could not walk with them through their grief or through God restoring them due to sin. It truly is time to stand up and walk with one another as Christ would have done for us had He been here in the flesh – and continues to do in the Spirit. I encourage readers to take the pledge and decide to walk with wounded and hurting women.”

Linda: What are one or two major points that you would like your readers to take away?

Tina: God is never far away and though it may feel like it, He never gives up on us. His passion is to bring hope and healing into our lives so that we can live life abundantly. There is hope. We never walk alone. Freedom awaits. We just meed to step into it.

I also want readers to find out about other ways to minister to hurting women by taking the Wounded Women Pledge to walk with wounded and hurting women. Also, they can connect with Blogs for the Healing on my webpage @ www.tinasamples.com.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about your book?

Tina: You can find Wounded Women of the Bible on Amazon, on my website at https://www.tinasamples.com/ or any other bookstore.

Filed Under: Abuse, BOOKS, comfort, Depression, faith, Fear, Feeling unworthy, forgiveness, Hope, Interviews, Marriage problems, Pain, Problems, Sexual abuse, Wounded women Tagged With: author interview, conflicts, difficult life, fear, grief, hard times, hope, seeking answers, troubled marriage, trust, what to do, worry

Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace – Author Interview with Tracy K. Pratt

June 18, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

When you know loss is coming, when does grief begin? Afterwards? Or before? And how do you work through it? Tracy K. Pratt’s book, Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace, is a book I have looked forward to sharing on Heart Talk before the writing was even finished. At a writer’s critique group Tracy and I both belong to, Tracy brought one of the chapters of this book to be critiqued when she was still in the process of writing it. The response from a woman in the group who had been battling cancer for years was so poignant and dramatic, the rest of us ended up in tears. The woman with cancer urged Tracy about the need to have it published. Now it has. This is a book for those who are facing grief but don’t know what to do with it. The writing is beautiful, poetic, and soul warming. I’ll let Tracy describe the book herself –in a way only she can do—in the interview that follows.

Linda: What motivated you to write Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: I wanted to answer this question: What would I have picked up, read, and found to be good news when our daughter Hannah was growing up?

Grief shadowed my husband, Coleman, and me from the moment Hannah was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (CF) at 5 weeks old in March, 1982. At that time, the life expectancy was 12 years. Her rough start indicated we would outlive her. Coleman would want to voice his sorrow. As her primary caregiver who fought the disease daily, I could not face that probability. I fought for my dreams that one day she would know the deep love of a man like I did, that she and I would be good friends in my old age.

In March 2007, six months after Hannah’s death, Coleman and I listened to a video in Grief Share. The speaker said as a side note that whenever a loved one is diagnosed with cancer or any life terminating disease, we anticipate their death.

We grieve. Immediately. And continually.

In less than 10 seconds, the speaker gave an identity to the emotions, stress, uncertainty and cloud of sadness we experienced from the moment of her diagnosis to her death. Our “normal” life with CF, which included progressive losses over her lifetime, was real. The speaker’s words lifted the years of unspoken heaviness. Relief overwhelmed us. We exchanged smiles and joined hands.

I want to give that relief to others and lead them to what they may not know. They grieve before loss. It is not a sin but a gift.

Linda: Do you think you achieved your goal? Would you have read this book when Hannah was 12?

Tracy: Yes. Within its pages, my younger self would have found an honest fellow-pilgrim, who did not provide formulas or try to sugar-coat the journey. Instead, she would have found a woman with a voice rich with compassion who knew a hope that does not disappoint in unfixable circumstances.

I would have found the book approachable because of its format. Chapters are easy to read with natural breaks between sections to pause and process the content. The metaphor of autumn pictures well how beauty and goodness bloom in our painful, and unavoidable circumstance. The use of “I” and “us” sets a conversational tone between the reader and author.

Linda: What role do you play in the mental and spiritual health of someone in anticipatory grief?

Tracy: I accompany others in their journey as a fellow-pilgrim who has traveled through the autumn of loss more than once and no doubt will again. My greatest contribution to a traveler’s anticipatory grief is to remember what my younger self needed. That focus equips me to encourage and assist women so they can live in that tension with healthy habits and hope.

Linda: People have varied opinions about grief’s importance in our lives. What is yours?

Tracy: I believe grief is a gift from God. Unwanted? Yes. Uninvited? Definitely.

But, trustworthy.

I believe the ultimate purpose of grief is to lead us to greater intimacy with Him—greater than what Adam and Eve knew in the Garden of Eden. The core cause of all sorrow is our separation from Him. His greatest grief is our natural bent to choose our own way which began when Adam and Eve doubted God’s goodness.

God is is not distant nor unaware of grief. In Chapter 3 of the book we travel through the Bible beginning in Genesis and see God experienced personal grief. We see in the Gospels Jesus grieved at Lazarus’s tomb, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and most importantly on the cross. There Isaiah’s prophecy (Isaiah 53:6) was realized. God laid on Jesus the sin of us all. I believe in that moment when He cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, Jesus knew the full weight of our deepest grief. Our separation from Him.

That is why I believe grief’s greatest and good purpose is to lead us to God who does not judge us for grieving our treasures. Our broken hearts cry Jesus’ words in our pain. God does not forsake us. In our anguish, He draws near. Sometimes he pulls us to Himself and whispers, “I know.” Other times He stands silent waiting for us to trust Him.

Grief wakens the soul to our true existence. We read in Genesis 1:26-27 that God shaped us in His image. Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God placed eternity in the hearts of humans. We are designed for an eternal relationship with Him above other treasures. Grief before and after loss opens the soul to the naked reality that what we hold dear in this world does not satisfy the undying longing in the soul. He does.

Linda: What specifically do you mean by “treasure”?

Tracy: A treasure is anything or anyone we hold tightly in the heart.

We lose things we love. A job. A house. Cancer, cf, Alzeimer’s and other diseases steal the bloom of our health, or of a child, a spouse, or parent.

Dreams shatter. Mine did as Hannah’s mother. Other circumstances such as drug or alcohol addiction crush a parent’s dream. A woman lies in bed alone, her heart broken. Her husband wants a divorce. A college quarterback headed for the draft suffers an injury that jeapordizes his promising career. The perpetual single aches for that one true love.

Seasons end. Parents leave their last child at college for their freshman year.

We should treasure things and people. They are gifts from God. But, they die. And we grieve, as we should. Death should not be.

Linda: Why do you use autumn as a metaphor for anticipatory grief?

Tracy: In autumn, the mountainside’s dress of summer green fades. Deep scarlet, golden yellow, and burnt orange blossom. How ironic. We flock to see leaves die, yet not once does that reality cross our minds. We are in awe of the beauty that blooms.

The earth shifts its face away from the sun. Sap slows. The leaf slowly starves. Its true color erupts. This pictures the dramatic spiritual transformation that God does in us when winter threatens our treasures. We can be assured as the relentless chill whips about our treasure that the seed of trust burrowed in the soil of His promises will take root come spring.

Linda: How are you a fellow-pilgrim to other women in their anticipatory grief?

Tracy: Imagine a weekend retreat in mid-October at a lodge in the mountains.

Now envision a place online that refreshes and renews a woman in the autumn of loss with that kind of respite. This is the purpose of my website. It’s tagline is “Beauty blooms in our broken places.”

My blog, Artful Soul Care, on the website, offers restoration like curling up in an overstuffed chair with hands wrapped around a hot mug of cider or cocoa, or on a hike tramping through fallen leaves on the mountain. This is a place to engage with creativity, to receive practical guidance, and to gain spiritual direction so that a woman’s soul is not overwhelmed by the day to day tension of anticipatory grief.

Paper Plate Studio, also on the website, provides visual refreshment. Photographs, paintings, posters, and cards are available for purchase. They celebrate God’s good eternal story, His hope, beauty, and goodness we discover in the insignifcant, broken, and sorrowful places of our lives.

Artful Soul Care on Facebook is a private group that opens Wednesday, July 1. That day, and the following three Wednesdays at 7 pm, I will be doing four part session “Four Habits for the Journey.” Reading the book is not necessary nor is being in anticipatory grief to join the group. We all have traveled or will travel the autumn of loss in big and small life-changing ways. And, we have, or will have friends who live in the season. Joining provides community, encouragement, practical helps for the journey and keeps God’s eagle perspective in sight while traveling.

Linda: Where can people purchase your book, Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace can be found on Tracy’s website and on Amazon,

Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, faith, Grief, health, health issues, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, loss, Pain, Peace, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: author interview, faith, fear, Feeling lost, grief, health issues, hope, peace

Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, Interview with Author Rebecca Carpenter

May 7, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

As I begin this interview with author Rebecca Carpenter, over 68,000 people are reported to have died from Covid 19 in the United States and over 259,000 throughout the world. The subject of dying is not far from our minds. But for some of us the subject is far too personal. Loved ones have died, and whether or not they died from Covid 19 or another cause, they have been taken from us. We grieve for them.

When Rebecca Carpenter’s husband died six years ago, she grieved also, but in the midst of her grief God brought a comfort to her she didn’t expect. Her book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, has brought comfort and solace to many, and I pray it can also comfort some of you who have lost loved ones.

Linda: Rebecca, what prompted you to write a book on grief?

Rebecca: I certainly didn’t plan to write a book about grief. For years, I wrote devotionals about nature and articles for my church, magazines, and anthologies. Sometimes I sent emails of my work and printed out stories for friends. When people commented that they enjoyed reading my writings, my son set up a blog for me.

After I retired, I spent hours on my patio watching wildlife and getting ideas for my devotionals. My husband Alan and I traveled around the world so I also wrote about our trips. He constantly encouraged me to write. My parents often told me how much they liked what I wrote.

Difficult situations changed my life. Mother’s health deteriorated. Leukemia, diabetes, and other health issues curtailed her normally active life.

Not long after that, Alan learned he had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. For a while his symptoms were mild. But they increased and our traveling stopped. Even normal daily activities wore him out. Except for doctor visits, he stayed home.

While I dealt with both of them, my dad’s health also declined. For years, he fought to regain strength after heart surgeries, knee surgeries, cancer and multiple other health problems. But when constantly visiting my mom in the nursing home, he had multiple strokes and never fully recovered from the major ones.

My life consisted of caring for Alan and taking care of financial and health matters for my parents. Stress joined me every day. Writing provided a release for my pain and grief at knowing I was losing them.

Within eleven months, all three passed away. Writing every day helped me deal with my losses. When I shared my writings, friends told me to put my devotionals into a book.

At first I resisted because writing a book seemed overwhelming. But over and over, I heard I should do it. Finally, I felt God telling me the book would help others who were grieving. Only then did I realize I had to do it and God would help me.

Since Alan, mom and dad had encouraged me to write, I felt a book on grief would be a tribute to them.

Linda: Why did you choose the title Ambushed by Glory in My Grief?

When I was mourning the loss of my husband, my mom, and my dad, God often showed up in wonderful but unexpected ways.

At times, I felt foggy and unfocused. Just when I thought I was handling grief well, a memory, song or situation threw me back into sadness and tears. It helped just to discover my feelings were normal, which I learned by attending Griefshare, a Christian support group for people who are grieving. At Griefshare, I learned grief ambushed me.

When I shared my writings and my need for a title in my writers critique group at Word Weavers International, one of my fellow writers suggested this title. It was perfect.

Linda: Does your book cover represent anything special?

Rebecca: Yes, it does. With God ambushing me over and over with surprises of His glory, I wanted to show light with the darkness. I used a picture of sunrise over my lake.

The lake calms me and constantly provides beauty and lessons from His creation. Sunrises, eagles in the trees, ducks on the lake, flowers of all kinds are a few examples. I feel blessed every time I look out over the lake and know God is with me through all kinds of circumstances. I wanted my book to show that even in dark times, Jesus shows up as the Light.

Linda: How did Alan’s illness affect your marriage?

Rebecca: We had only been married three years when he received his diagnosis. However, we dated for seven years before our marriage, which was the year we both retired.

Because we both had been single for a long time, we didn’t jump into marriage again quickly. I had been single for sixteen years and he was single for twenty-six. When we finally married, we looked at things differently than we would have as youngsters. Although both of us had our own ideas of how to do things, a sense of humor helped prevent major struggles.

We enjoyed working together, traveling and going on mission trips. He always looked out for me and took care of chores I had been used to doing myself as a single parent. I felt pampered. I loved doing things for him too.

After our last mission trip, he felt worse. When we visited his doctor, Alan shocked me by asking the doctor how long he had to live. Although I knew he was more fatigued, I didn’t want to admit the terminal disease was taking his life. Our time together was supposed to be much longer.

The doctor said, “Six months.”

I could hardly breathe. Somehow, I made it to the car and picked Alan up from a wheelchair in front of the building. I had become his caregiver. No longer could he take care of me like I was used to. I hated the role reversal and so did he.

When we got home, he called hospice and they came out that day. He began his journey of dying with a purpose. On a legal sized paper, he wrote a long list of items to accomplish for his limited time. Most of what he wrote benefited me. He wanted to make life easier for me before he died and after he was gone.

Every day, I think of how much he loved me and showed it by using his limited energy for tasks like making phone calls to insurance companies, buying a new car and bike for me, and giving away some of his clothes.

There was sadness during his final months, but our love for each other pushed it to the side. We wanted to make the most of every day. We didn’t argue or complain but enjoyed being together.

Unfortunately, the doctor was wrong. Alan only lived two months longer and not six.

Linda: It sounds like Alan did indeed take care of you, even in those months before he died. Since that time, how has publishing your book changed your life?

Rebecca: Frequently, I hear from people who have read my book and have been encouraged. There is a ripple effect as they give my book to others who are grieving. People open up to me in their pain because they know I understand.

I feel compassion in a new way for those with losses. My heart hurts for them. Because I have been comforted, I can do the same for them. I ask God each day to show me who I can help and frequently, it is someone who is grieving.

Linda: Have you finished grieving after six years?

Rebecca: No. However, the grief is less intense and more like an ache instead of a sharp pain. Ambushes still occur but less frequently. Last year on Alan’s birthday, I cried easily for two days. The year before I didn’t cry at all. I have learned grief is unpredictable but so are the wonderful ambushes of God. He has been with me through the entire process and enables me to reach out to others who are grieving.

Linda: Where can people find your book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, and how can they find your blog?

Rebecca: People can find my book on Amazon in both print and kindle formats and also in some local Christian bookstores. I’d love to have people visit me on my blog at http://rebeccacarpenter.blogspot.com

Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Death, faith, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, Lonliness, loss, New Directions, Peace, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: author interview, faith, God's love, grief, hard times, hope, invisible God, Lonliness, peace, seeking answers

Soul Care When You’re Weary – Interview with Author Edie Melson

March 17, 2020 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

When life gets crazy, it can also be exhausting. As troubles mount, time for ourselves dwindle and time with God almost disappears. So how do we take care of ourselves and our relationship with God in the midst of turmoil? How do we strengthen our inner life and find soul care?

Edie Melson calls herself an organized creative, a woman of faith with ink-stained fingers who observes life through the lens of her camera. She’s a writer who feels lost without her camera. Her book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, merges faith and creativity to offer a way forward to those who are overwhelmed by circumstances and unable to find time for rest. I believe you’ll enjoy hearing about her unique and simple way of connecting with God when the busyness of life threatens to eliminate it.

Linda: The title of this book reached out and grabbed me. I think so many of us are weary for so many reasons. What specifically put you on the path to writing this book?

Edie: This book grew out of a difficult time in my own life. My mother was at the end of caring for my father as he finished his battle with Alzheimer’s. My sister and I were doing our best to help support her and, after years of caregiving, we were all exhausted.

I remember one day in particular crying out to God for help. I knew I needed more of Him to get through this, but I was too tired to spend time in prolonged Bible study or even Bible reading. At night my prayer time most often ended with me falling asleep instead of whispering amen. Everywhere I turned, all I saw was how I was letting everyone down.

In that moment of desperation, I felt God ask me to give Him the small, in-between-times during the day and allow Him to fill me up. He promised to revive my spirit and my strength in ways I never imagined—and He told me to do it using creativity.

Linda: Creativity? What exactly did that process look like?

Edie: Well to begin with, it looked very disorganized and messy. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not an artist—I don’t draw and barely manage to doodle. But creativity is in my blood. My mother is an internationally known watercolorist and mixed media artist and my father is a classical musician turned landscape photographer. Truthfully, if I hadn’t been creative in some respect I’m afraid they’d have kicked me out of the family.

So I went back to my roots and began small. I started carrying a tiny notebook and pack of four colored pencils in my purse. When I was waiting at the hospital or had a few minutes of downtime in my schedule, I’d pull out that notebook and write a word, or phrase or Bible verse. Then I’d color around it. As I took time to be creative, God used that to help me focus on Him. The more I spent time with Him, the more His strength and peace filled my soul.

One day I remembered doodling the word faith and just staring at it, unable to do anything creative with it. Instead, I asked God about faith, what it looked like when the world around me was dark. Before I knew it, I’d drawn a bright yellow circle around the world and felt like God was telling me that faith provides light in the dark.

Linda: How did you take the lessons you learned then and turn them into your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary?

Edie: After daddy passed, I had several people ask me how I got through that time and found myself reluctant to admit that—in essence—play time with God had been my strength. It just sounded so frivolous and unimportant. So I went back to God’s word and searched for passages about creativity and rest, and that led me to the Sabbath. And there I found the truth of what had happened to me.

God reached me by restoring a rhythm of rest to my life that had been missing. I knew that other people were struggling with weariness and I decided to share what I’d learned.

Linda: How does your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, help with that?

Edie: First of all, Soul Care When You’re Weary is a small book. I filled it with short devotions and prayers that someone could read in three to five minutes. Interspersed with those, I dropped in creative exercises that connect us to God. This is a book to play with. It has room to draw, doodle and be messy—all while focusing on God.

Linda: Tell me more about rest and soul care.

Edie: We have become a society that honors busyness and disdains play. The world around us is continuing to spiral out of control. Our lives are busier and the margin we have available for recovery and peace is shrinking. As we struggle to cope and search for answers, we’ve neglected the legacy of creativity that’s been passed to us from our Heavenly Father. This legacy isn’t frivolous. It’s foundational to the deep relationship with God we all need.

Busyness isn’t the way God designed us to operate. We function best when we have regular times of rest. But these times are supposed to be much more than just taking naps or getting eight hours of sleep every night. They’re times when we connect with our Heavenly Father without distractions. For me, that connection came through creativity.

That experience showed me how I can find the rest I need when I reconnect with God through creativity. There’s something reflective and contemplative that happens when we allow ourselves time to play while focusing on God.

Linda: Do you have some tips on how we can apply this process to our own lives?

Edie: I definitely do. Here’s how I suggest you begin with doodling:

Remember this is a judgment-free zone. We’re not allowed to compare the supposed merit of our results with our expectations or with what anyone else creates. The point of these healing moments is strictly a time of play with our Heavenly Father.
Invite God to join you and ask Him to bring to mind a word or phrase or Bible verse. If all you hear is silence, do a quick search on your phone like this, “Bible verses about peace.” God’s word is healing. It doesn’t matter how we get to it.
Write what comes to mind on a blank sheet of paper.
Add some color and doodles. Remember, judgment-free zone. The point of this is play.
As other related thoughts come to mind, write those down.Pick the colors you love and use them with abandon. Remember that frustration with this process is tied tightly to expectations. Don’t let expectations of how something should look derail your experience with God.

Remember that anything new takes time to feel comfortable—even play—especially if you haven’t played in a long time. God wants to meet you right where you are. There’s no need for a silent get-away to experience the peace He has for you. Instead, dust off your creativity and get ready to spend some memorable—play-time—moments with your Creative Father.

Linda: Where can people find Soul Care When You’re Weary and how can readers find out more about you, your speaking, and your writing?

Edie: You can find out more about me and my books on www.ediemelson.com and through social media.

Filed Under: BOOKS, Conflict, faith, health, Interviews, Marriage problems, Problems, stress, Time with God, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, confusion, creativity, faith, Feeling lost, hard times, rest, soul care, stress, time with God

Unfaithful: Hope & Healing after Infidelity – Interview with Co-Author, Mona Shriver

Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved – Author Interview with Joe and Michelle Williams

Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart – Interview with Author, Julie K. Gillies

Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss: An Interview with Author Kim Erickson

Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes! – Author Interview with Deb DeArmond

Healthy Living Series—Interview with author, Susan Neal

Wounded Women of the Bible, Finding Hope When It Hurts – Interview with co-author Tina Samples

Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace – Author Interview with Tracy K. Pratt

Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, Interview with Author Rebecca Carpenter

Soul Care When You’re Weary – Interview with Author Edie Melson

Beyond Our Imagination

Sign up for Heart Talk & Receive My Blog by Email

Contact Linda

Archives

Categories

Latest from the Blog

The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir, Author Interview with Julie McLaughlin

Heavenly Headbutts: Reflections of Hope about Cats and Eternity: Author Interview with Allia Zobel Nolan

Dying to Meet Jesus, Author Interview with Randy Kay

And The Flowers Fall