Soul Care When You’re Weary – Interview with Author Edie Melson

March 17, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When life gets crazy, it can also be exhausting. As troubles mount, time for ourselves dwindle and time with God almost disappears. So how do we take care of ourselves and our relationship with God in the midst of turmoil? How do we strengthen our inner life and find soul care?

Edie Melson calls herself an organized creative, a woman of faith with ink-stained fingers who observes life through the lens of her camera. She’s a writer who feels lost without her camera. Her book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, merges faith and creativity to offer a way forward to those who are overwhelmed by circumstances and unable to find time for rest.  I believe you’ll enjoy hearing about her unique and simple way of connecting with God when the busyness of life threatens to eliminate it.

Linda: The title of this book reached out and grabbed me. I think so many of us are weary for so many reasons. What specifically put you on the path to writing this book?

Edie: This book grew out of a difficult time in my own life. My mother was at the end of caring for my father as he finished his battle with Alzheimer’s. My sister and I were doing our best to help support her and, after years of caregiving, we were all exhausted.

I remember one day in particular crying out to God for help. I knew I needed more of Him to get through this, but I was too tired to spend time in prolonged Bible study or even Bible reading. At night my prayer time most often ended with me falling asleep instead of whispering amen. Everywhere I turned, all I saw was how I was letting everyone down.

In that moment of desperation, I felt God ask me to give Him the small, in-between-times during the day and allow Him to fill me up. He promised to revive my spirit and my strength in ways I never imagined—and He told me to do it using creativity.

Linda: Creativity? What exactly did that process look like?

Edie: Well to begin with, it looked very disorganized and messy. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not an artist—I don’t draw and barely manage to doodle. But creativity is in my blood. My mother is an internationally known watercolorist and mixed media artist and my father is a classical musician turned landscape photographer. Truthfully, if I hadn’t been creative in some respect I’m afraid they’d have kicked me out of the family.

So I went back to my roots and began small. I started carrying a tiny notebook and pack of four colored pencils in my purse. When I was waiting at the hospital or had a few minutes of downtime in my schedule, I’d pull out that notebook and write a word, or phrase or Bible verse. Then I’d color around it. As I took time to be creative, God used that to help me focus on Him. The more I spent time with Him, the more His strength and peace filled my soul.

One day I remembered doodling the word faith and just staring at it, unable to do anything creative with it. Instead, I asked God about faith, what it looked like when the world around me was dark. Before I knew it, I’d drawn a bright yellow circle around the world and felt like God was telling me that faith provides light in the dark.

Linda: How did you take the lessons you learned then and turn them into your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary?

Edie: After daddy passed, I had several people ask me how I got through that time and found myself reluctant to admit that—in essence—play time with God had been my strength. It just sounded so frivolous and unimportant. So I went back to God’s word and searched for passages about creativity and rest, and that led me to the Sabbath. And there I found the truth of what had happened to me.

God reached me by restoring a rhythm of rest to my life that had been missing. I knew that other people were struggling with weariness and I decided to share what I’d learned.

Linda: How does your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, help with that?

Edie: First of all, Soul Care When You’re Weary is a small book. I filled it with short devotions and prayers that someone could read in three to five minutes. Interspersed with those, I dropped in creative exercises that connect us to God. This is a book to play with. It has room to draw, doodle and be messy—all while focusing on God.

Linda: Tell me more about rest and soul care.

Edie: We have become a society that honors busyness and disdains play. The world around us is continuing to spiral out of control. Our lives are busier and the margin we have available for recovery and peace is shrinking. As we struggle to cope and search for answers, we’ve neglected the legacy of creativity that’s been passed to us from our Heavenly Father. This legacy isn’t frivolous. It’s foundational to the deep relationship with God we all need.

Busyness isn’t the way God designed us to operate. We function best when we have regular times of rest. But these times are supposed to be much more than just taking naps or getting eight hours of sleep every night. They’re times when we connect with our Heavenly Father without distractions. For me, that connection came through creativity.

That experience showed me how I can find the rest I need when I reconnect with God through creativity. There’s something reflective and contemplative that happens when we allow ourselves time to play while focusing on God.

Linda: Do you have some tips on how we can apply this process to our own lives?

Edie: I definitely do. Here’s how I suggest you begin with doodling:

  1. Remember this is a judgment-free zone. We’re not allowed to compare the supposed merit of our results with our expectations or with what anyone else creates. The point of these healing moments is strictly a time of play with our Heavenly Father.
  2. Invite God to join you and ask Him to bring to mind a word or phrase or Bible verse. If all you hear is silence, do a quick search on your phone like this, “Bible verses about peace.” God’s word is healing. It doesn’t matter how we get to it.
  3. Write what comes to mind on a blank sheet of paper.
  4. Add some color and doodles. Remember, judgment-free zone. The point of this is play.
  5. As other related thoughts come to mind, write those down.Pick the colors you love and use them with abandon. Remember that frustration with this process is tied tightly to expectations. Don’t let expectations of how something should look derail your experience with God.

Remember that anything new takes time to feel comfortable—even play—especially if you haven’t played in a long time. God wants to meet you right where you are. There’s no need for a silent get-away to experience the peace He has for you. Instead, dust off your creativity and get ready to spend some memorable—play-time—moments with your Creative Father.

Linda: Where can people find Soul Care When You’re Weary and how can readers find out more about you, your speaking, and your writing?

Edie: You can find out more about me and my books on www.ediemelson.com and through social media.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Conflict, faith, health, Interviews, Marriage problems, Problems, stress, Time with God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Start Where You Are

March 9, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Cheron James

When the world thrusts new challenges in our path – sometimes a life-changing challenge in the form of crisis that we are unprepared to deal with, what do we do? What is our first inclination?

Usually for me it’s to try to figure out all the angles so I can understand it better. For some people, it may be doing a Google search or calling a friend. Others might first visit the gym to work off the anxiety. Or maybe they just go to bed and sleep, hoping it will all go away. Unfortunately, some might even try to numb the tension by escaping through drinking, smoking, or drugs.

With no prospects for immediate solutions, our minds spin in confusion, and everything’s a blur. How do we make wise choices when we can’t understand what’s happening? Where do we go? How do we start?

The best place to start is right where you are.

“Be still,” says Psalm 46:10, “and know that I am God,”

Yes, the first thing to do is stop what you’re doing—whatever it is—and look up. Grasp hold of the one thing you know to be true and real and lasting. And that is the living God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, our loving Father God,

One morning as a teenager, when I was experiencing a time of heartache, I opened my Bible and read Matthew 6:33.  In that passage God revealed the answer to my yearning and the secret to the new beginnings I needed so I could move forward. “Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL THESE THINGS will be added to you.”  The words jumped out at me and came alive in my spirit. I knew God was speaking to me, telling me to seek Him first, to come close to Him, and then I would find what I was looking for. That scripture became a tablet on my heart. From that day forward, I have seen Him unfold good things in my life when seeking Him remains my priority. When I veer away from that and start wandering into anxiety, God has a way of bringing me back to that truth until I once again look up and seek Him first. That’s when the answers begin to come.

If we first seek the kingdom of God; if we first seek His righteousness, then these other things will come in His timing and His sovereignty. And we might be surprised at the good things He has in store for us when we let Him direct our paths.

Our Father God is the ultimate reality, the only truth we can always depend on.  When we start with Him He will lead us along paths of victory. My friend and evangelist Jimmy Sowder often told his audiences, “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”

If you are struggling for answers and need direction, grab hold of Jesus’ hand so He can lift you up. Let your mind be taken captive by the Word of God. Seek His wisdom and ask Him to show you the next best step and the next. Clear your mind of the garbage that holds you back, and put the messiness of the past behind you. Focus completely on God and His Word. If your thinking lingers on the past, remember what God has done for you in former times, the ways He has pulled you out of scrapes and rescued you. Have you thanked Him for these times of deliverance? Whether you did or didn’t, do so now. Acknowledge Him as your Lord and Savior who saves you out of all your worries.

God will lift you up and show you the direction to take. Trust Him one day at a time. He is your loving Father. And He knows the way.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3).

 

Find a path through separation with my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

 

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When Dreams Aren’t Coming True

September 26, 2019 by Leave a Comment

One morning I sat on my screen porch praying and seeking God.  Discouragement hung heavy on my heart. One of my life dreams just didn’t seem to be coming true. Writing had been my passion since the sixth grade. I wrote for the school newspaper in junior and senior high. I majored in creative writing in college.  My desire to be a writer stuck with me continuously through life, even as various detours caused that dream to drop by the wayside again and again. Some of those detours were God driven, and I willingly followed His lead, using my passion for writing in each of those endeavors. Gradually, local opportunities surfaced.

When the bottom dropped out of my life through a heart-breaking three-year separation from my husband, God began to prepare my heart to go deeper into Himself and into the plans He had for me.

In the year 2000 after my husband and I reconciled, the doors opened for my writing. I published my first article in HomeLife, then Focus on the Family. I became a contributing writer for Tapestry, a Walk Thru the Bible devotional for women.  More significantly, through the heartache I had suffered during our separation, God planted seeds of healing and grace that resulted in my writing Broken Heart on Hold. Four years later, I received my first book contract for it. Through the trauma of heartache, my dreams were finally coming true.

But like so many of us I was satisfied for only a little while.  Eventually, I wanted more. The book proposals and drafts I wrote for two more books went nowhere. My agent faithfully persevered with me through one rejection after another. The rejections were kind: “She writes well,” “Great concept.” Etc.  But they were rejections, and I didn’t understand why God was not allowing me to publish other books that would lift up His name.

A New Revelation

That day on my screen porch as I prayed and spilled out my heart to God in disappointment, I asked God why, why had I not received the blessing I was seeking. As I prayed, a scripture came to mind  that had been hooked into a tab at the top of my bathroom mirror for years.

“If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask what you want and it will be given to you”   (John 15:7).

I had glanced at the scripture often. Abiding.  Abiding with God. Yes, that was something I desired and tried to do.

“I’ve done that, Lord,” I said aloud. “I have abided with you. Through all those painful times, I abided with you.  I pray all the time.  You know that, Lord.”

In the stillness of my heart God answered me. “But that’s only a part of the promise, Linda.  Yes, you’ve abided in me. But what’s the last part? And my words abide in you.”  Have my words abided in you?”

My mind immediately skipped back to a Beth Moore Bible Study I had recently completed and a story she had told in her Breaking Free video where she told about a woman to whom God abruptly and forcefully spoke an admonition into her heart and mind saying, “Get in my Word!”

Those words resonated with me now too. God’s voice came through loud and clear in the recesses of my mind. I suddenly saw what was lacking: it was not only my knowledge of scripture, but my time reading His Word.  I was not consistent with daily Bible reading.  Oh, I had read through the New Testament a few times, but only once had I read all the way through the Old Testament. And I knew they are oh so connected!

So it came as a shock to me when I realized that although I had gazed upon that scripture on my mirror for years, I had missed an important part of it.

Abiding

Acting upon my new revelation, I got in God’s Word. I began spending time in the scriptures each day. I meditated on the verses I read.  I enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship, a wonderful, in depth study that digs down into God’s Word and plants His truths deep into the hearts of participants.  Although God’s Word had been alive to me before, through time in more intensive Bible Study and meditation, the scriptures themselves began to live in my heart and mind so I could begin to pull them up when I needed God’s wisdom.

As time continued to unfold, I saw that God was teaching me an important lesson about our dreams coming true. When we expect God to grant our desires, but our dreams aren’t coming true,  we may be missing something God wants to show us. In fact, He may have plans for us that are bigger than ours. His purposes for us may reach higher than our own limited vision allows, and we are not yet ready to receive them. That is what I saw happen to me and my writing.

This year, when I published my third book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I saw God’s hand in it at every level. A few weeks ago, when it won the Golden Scroll Non-fiction Book of the Year Award from AWSA, an association of distinguished Christian authors, I praised God that His ways are perfect and so much better than mine. He knew the plans He had for me. He knew the book He wanted me to write and publish that could bless people’s lives, families, and marriages in important and transformational ways. His plans were bigger than mine, and as I grasped hold of what God wanted to teach me, He allowed my dreams to come true in ways that surpassed my expectations.

He has plans for you too. If your dreams aren’t coming true, you may not be able to see what God is doing right now, but perhaps you too need to hunker down in His Word and let it come alive in your heart so you can see His bigger purposes unfold in your life.

What dreams do you have that aren’t coming true? What do you feel God saying to you about this right now? I love to see your comments.

If you are struggling through a difficult time in your marriage, please check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Desire, disappointment, Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, God's Word, Prayer, Trusting God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Searching for Meaning

August 14, 2019 by 2 Comments

In the last couple of weeks our collective hearts have been sideswiped by what transpired in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Two mass shootings in 24 hours.  How could that happen? And why?

As I walked through my local Walmart on the weekend to buy bacon and bread, I thought about the panic and terror that must have taken place along aisles where everyday people took part in everyday activities that day—picking out produce for the family meal, selecting a new outfit for their child to wear to school, maybe buying a backpack. Nobody expected gunshots and death in the middle of the aisle.

And all of us are asking why and what can be done.

Many theories abound about the cause and the cure. We’ve all heard them – been bombarded by them, in fact.  But the theory that hit me hardest over the last two weeks was when someone said there is a hole in America’s soul.

As I listened to various news programs, others expanded on this by describing the search for meaning by America’s youth, resulting in too many of them wondering if there IS any meaning. Statistics were laid out showing that huge numbers of young millennials have often never attended a church or synagogue, live in families that are splitting apart, frequently have no father involved in their lives, and attend schools where the mention of God is prohibited.  With empty hearts and a crushing sense of self, they immerse themselves in video games, look for acceptance on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or grab onto a political ideology to fill up the hole in their hearts to give them meaning. Some – too many—simply find no meaning. Suicide rates among young people have escalated dramatically. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death for that generation.

Driving back home in the car, a song peeled across the airwaves. “I have only one life to live,” the singer crooned. The words seized hold of my mind and wouldn’t let go as I thought about these young people, lost in a world without meaning, seeing themselves as unloved and unimportant. They have only one life to live and it’s being sucked up in the winds of disillusionment and hopelessness. They don’t know there is more to life and they are giving up on it.

My heart aches for them. Because I know there is meaning. I know there is love. And I yearn for them to find it.

Searching for the Meaning

The woman I interviewed on my Heart Talk blog last week told her own story of searching for meaning and the depression that overtook her life because she couldn’t find purpose.  Despite tremendous achievements, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a lovely home, she was drowning in depression and ready to take her life. But it all changed in one dramatic moment.

What happened? What made the difference?

She found Jesus.

Jesus transformed her heart, her life, her future. In Jesus she found a love that filled her life with purpose.

And that is the secret to life. That is where we find meaning. Our creator has the answers for us if we ask Him.

In Jesus there is meaning. Most profoundly of all, when we meet Jesus face to face, we find love – true love, a love that will carry us through the worst storms, the loneliest desserts, and cruelest encounters. And we find life.

Finding Hope – Even in Unexpected Places

So how do we elevate the consciousness of a generation who don’t know His name – except in sleazy contexts that take them along paths that desecrate his name and undermine the very hope that can raise them up to a life of purpose?

When I gave my Heart Talk blog the tag line of “finding hope in unexpected places,” I did it because I believe it’s true. I’ve seen hope spring forth again and again even in the most difficult places. So, yes, I believe there is hope for this millennial generation.

Perhaps it’s in you. Perhaps it’s in me. We know where the hope is. Jesus is our hope and the hope of each of these young people groping in a world of empty promises.

We’ve known heartache. We know betrayal. We know loneliness. And we’re stronger because of it. We know the source of that strength. Jesus walks with us on our difficult journeys and He will walk with anyone who calls on His name. Let’s pass this hope along to the young people in our communities. Let’s reach out to those who are lost and lonely.  God will strengthen us and embolden us to become more of who He called us to be when we pour out His love to those who need it most.

Young people, you are loved. The creator of the universe loves you and has a purpose for you. You are special and unique. You are created in the image of God. Look to Him. Call on His name. He will give purpose to your life.

“I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

“This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God is love.” 1 John 4:10 and 16

“The thief comes only to steal & kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

 “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6

 

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Filed Under: Depression, Doubt, Feeling unworthy, Hope, Lonliness, Love, Problems, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Feeling unworthy, health, health issues, Hope, Interviews, Lonliness, mental illness, Pain, Receiving Christ, Surrendering to God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

A Rock in Life’s Quakes

July 31, 2019 by Leave a Comment

By Michael Kmet

By Tina Yeager

With a bit of apprehension I offered my head to the hairstyling apprentice. She needed to practice, so I agreed to become the lab rat of her experiment. Few had seen the procedure and my outcome was difficult to predict. Bowls of gel mixtures littered the small table. Countless paint strokes surrounded me. After an hour, I resembled an alien with head of silver tentacles sprouting hair. A cosmic halo orbited my noggin, projecting heat onto the foils. An anxious flutter stirred in my belly, churning a bit of acid to rise into my throat.

It’s only hair, I told myself. No matter how this turns out, I will be okay.

This year brings a variety of changes for me, all more significant than the balayage venture (which proved less dramatic than I anticipated, by the way). We’ve moved away from the home in which we raised our kids. One son now lives over two hours away, while my youngest begins his doctoral program in another city. At the same time, I grieve the loss of my church family, and my career is undergoing a major transition. I’m not sure how the results will look, but a different world is shaping up around me.

Change shakes up our lives in a myriad of forms. It can often prove refreshing as some novelty brings joy. Hence the constant trend shifts in technology, fashion, and adventurous recreation. New movies rock. Hidden waterfalls delight the soul. Who doesn’t love a fresh outfit?

The transitions we don’t seek will occur, too, however. We age. People leave us. Security blankets blow away in one strong gust of calamity. Expected or not, certain life-upheavals rattle our roots from their comfortable places. From relocation to chronic health issues to grief, uncomfortable transitions stretch across differing levels of life’s Richter scale. They all begin with a similar emotion, as the first thing felt in an unwanted quake is loss. Pain screams to the forefront of human awareness, blocking other details from our perspective.

The amount of time it takes to recover varies with how deeply we’ve been impacted by the shifting circumstances around us. Change can feel like a seismic event, but the painful aftershocks will diminish and the dust of our disorientation will settle after a while. Even before opening  our eyes to survey the land, we know it has changed. We don’t need to look to acknowledge the change has affected us. Life shifted, and things are not as they were.

I cannot move on from a state of loss until I open my eyes and accept the new reality. I must survey the landscape to identify my resources. A strange realization dawns in the moment of clarity after the impact has subsided. Despite the change, all is not lost. My greatest resource remained with me even when I could not see Him.

In the tumult of life in this errant world, God remains steadfast. He never leaves us. His love gushes endlessly over us whether we sense it or not. Often, He brings our sweetest blessings in the times we feel most lost and alone. Regardless of the many transitions and losses we experience, God never changes.

As my maturing sons depart and I work and worship, landscapes transform; these changes occur on the temporary plane of my existence. Even if I lose all I hold dear, the Lord will sustain me with His precious loving presence to the end of mortality. And then, all be restored. Adonai, Whose every work surpasses excellence, revitalizes life with extra gobs of glory lavished on top. Eternity will gather my entire spiritual family to worship and serve together. Ultimately, nothing will be lost forever. I will be better than okay.

  “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deut. 31:6).

What changes are you experiencing today? Try offering a prayer of trust and praise with me. Choose to believe in God’s steadfast nature, despite the shuddering earth. Let’s cling with all our faith to the Rock in the midst of life’s quake.

By Tina Yeager, author of Beautiful Warrior: Finding Victory Over the Lies Formed Against You

Beautiful Warrior: Finding Victory Over the Lies Formed Against You empowers women to break free from the traps of insecurity and sabotaging mindsets. As empowered warriors, women can raise their shields and become the divine heroines they were destined to become. With therapeutic tips, a solid biblical foundation, and empowering questions, women can free themselves from ongoing negative patterns, overcome common obstacles to healthy self-esteem, deepen awareness of Christ-centered identity, and embrace divine esteem.To connect with Tina, visit tinayeager.com.

 

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Filed Under: Hope, Knowing God, loss, New Directions, Pain, Peace, Problems, stress, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Understanding our Differences

June 12, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Why do we like differences?

Why do we not like differences?

Yes, two opposite questions and two opposite assumptions.

Sometimes differences are exciting and add vibrancy and variety to our lives. Other times differences are irritating and rub us the wrong way.

If everything and everyone was the same, it might be boring, right? We like life to be colorful and interesting. But when people are different, we can have a hard time understanding and relating to something that is unfamiliar to our own thinking.

Last week I did two interviews. One was for women on a show called “Girlfriendit!” And a few days later I did an interview on a show for men called “Real Men Connect.” (This one won’t go on air for another 3 weeks.) The questions and the perspectives by the interviewers were vastly different; in one case we spoke into the needs and emotional responses of a woman, and in the other case we spoke into the needs and natural inclinations of a man. But in both cases the interview was for people who want to fight for their marriage during a separation or a troubled period in their relationship.

Last week my blog interview with Joyce Zook about her book 12 Keys for Marriage Success, What a Wife Can Do To Create a Wonderful Marriage was directed to women. The interview brought out some of the differences of men and women that a woman might want to consider in trying to improve her marriage. In a few weeks, I hope to have another interview with a man who brings out a man’s perspective.

Differences. It’s important to understand them.

For the next few weeks on Heart Talk, I want to talk about differences. What I’ve found over the years is that sometimes the frustrations we feel with our mates are not because our spouses are intentionally doing something to be selfish, ornery, or difficult. Instead, natural differences between us cause them to act in ways that simply do not correspond with our own expectations.

These can be:

  • men/women differences,
  • personality differences, or
  • differences in what makes us feel loved by our spouse.

So for the next few weeks, join me in this discussion. And if you have perspectives you’d like to add or questions you’d like to ask, I welcome them. Let’s discuss differences.

What are some of the good things you appreciate about differences between you and your spouse?

Read more about how to reconcile a broken marriage in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated., A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted.

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Filed Under: Conflict, disappointment, Expectations, marriage, Marriage problems, Problems, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Seedbed of Discovery

April 24, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  (Psalm 51:10 KJV)

Dressed in jean shorts and an old shirt, I pull on my gardening gloves, grab the Folgers coffee can where I keep my gardening tools and head to the patch of dirt by the screen porch. Winter has now passed, and my Florida spring garden needs refreshing. With the annuals from last year gone, invasive ferns have already encroached on the area, and a number of weeds have popped up.

I crouch on my knees beside the bed and dive into my work. Weeds need pulling, dirt needs loosening and holes need digging. As I work, I think about the beauty that will take place once I’m done. For it is here I create a seedbed of discovery where the flowers I bought at the nursery can begin to grow and bloom.

But first I need to dig into the dirt. When peat and fertilizer get mixed into the soil and dust flies everywhere, I’m in the midst of it. I ruthlessly pull weeds, dig holes for planting, scoop up soil and pat it down around the new plants. Although I wear gloves, dirt manages to find thin places and tears in the fabric, and the powdery Florida sand works its way beneath my fingernails. Fine grains have even seeped through the canvas of my tennis shoes. At the end of my labor, the flower bed looks pretty, but I don’t. I’m a mess. I’m covered with dirt.

But I really don’t mind the dirt. Strangely, when the dirt and I intermingle in the garden, I feel closer to God and the outdoors I love. It’s here pulling weeds and digging in the dirt, that God often whispers His words of wisdom to me, life changing truths written through the analogies of nature. It often becomes the seedbed of my own discovery.

Like digging in the garden to make things beautiful, life sometimes means getting down into the dirt and feeling a little dirty in order to find the truth. Cleaning up our lives means conquering avoidance. Overcoming problems means facing things we don’t like, plunging forward, grappling with the unlovely things in our relationships or our own natures. We can’t pretend they’re not there. We can’t turn our head. We can’t stay on our gardening pillow. Sifting through the dirt can lead us to the seedbed of our discovery.

“If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless” (Proverbs 2:3-8).

Although I like the pursuit of gardening and don’t even mind getting dirty, my reward at the end is a lovely, refreshing shower. The flow of cool water spilling over my sweaty and dusty body cleanses and renews me, and I am ready for the rest of the day.

When we honestly look at ourselves in this seedbed of discovery and allow God to show us the changes we need to make, He is so amazingly gracious. He doesn’t leave us there in our sin or make us wallow in our past even though we may fear He will.  For when we focus our gaze on Him and allow His word to refresh our souls, His Spirit washes through us and makes us clean. He renews our hearts and minds and sets us on a path to a future of grace and goodness so we are ready for what comes next.

But sometimes it begins by digging down into our own seedbed of discovery so we can learn the truths God has waiting for us.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

What do you need to face right now?  How can God’s Holy Spirit refresh you and make you clean?

©Linda Rooks 2019

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated is now available at your favorite online retailers.

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MESSY GARDENS – MESSY LIVES

March 27, 2019 by 2 Comments

Feeling the need for a concentrated time of prayer one morning, I stepped onto the patio with Bible in hand and cozied myself into one of the lawn chairs. I felt unsettled.   Things were not going as I thought they should, and I felt my heart tugging in several directions.  The needs in my life seemed numerous and I longed for direction, but my prayers seemed to hang suspended without answers. How was my world fitting together?

As I reflected on my circumstances, I gazed about the wilderness of my yard.  It was wild and messy and reminded me of a scene from The Shack, a book I’d been reading in which the protagonist Mackenzie encounters God and works through some of the ironies of his faith.  In this particular scene, when Mackenzie walks into a garden with a character named Sarayu, who represents the Holy Spirit, Sarayu tells him about the significance of the garden’s messiness. “This garden is your soul,” Sarayu says to Mackenzie.  “This mess is you!”  

The messy garden was his soul?

Wow!

I related.  I felt that I was a mess right then—scrambled and unsure of myself.  Maybe this garden –my own yard—was a picture of my soul, pretty in spots, but unkempt and messy in others.  Certain bushes flowered; others waited for another season to bloom.  Fern and philodendron meandered about, overgrown and out of control.  Everywhere weeds, desperately needing extraction, wound through beds, spoiling what would otherwise be attractive

The words of Sarayu continued swirling through my head as he further unveiled to Mackenzie why they had spent the morning together digging in the garden, which was desperately confusing and messy and “a chaos of color,” but beautiful at the same time.

“Together you and I, we have been working with a purpose in your heart. And it is wild and beautiful and perfectly in process.  To you it seems like a mess, but I see a perfect pattern emerging and growing and alive.”

The memory of Sarayu’s words hit me with meaning. Was this similar to how I was?  My messy garden and my messy life, both in process?  Both wild and beautiful at the same time?  Could the messiness in my life actually be part of the beauty?

A Message Through the Ages

As I read my Bible that day and contemplated the truth I saw in my garden as it related to the scene from The Shack, I realized that this had been one of God’s messages throughout the ages.  When we allow God to work in our lives, He uses our strengths and weaknesses, pain and joy, failures and successes for His good purpose.  We are infinitely complex, and the Holy Spirit joyfully cultivates the beauty and messiness of our lives, scrambling it all together to form a perfect design that pulsates with new life as it emerges from the confusion of its surroundings.   Even the Bible surprises us with countless stories of people who followed God but had imperfect lives.

Take a look at Peter, Jesus’ disciple. He must have bitterly bemoaned his messy and capricious heart as he wept bitter tears after denying Jesus not once but three times and at the very moment his Lord was being condemned to death by the Pharisees.  How his heart must have withered when Jesus looked at him after that third denial.  The conviction that must have burned within his heart!  The self-doubt! The self-condemnation!  Peter had walked beside Jesus for three years, loved him, vowed never to leave him, but in Jesus’ greatest hour of need, he denied that he even knew him.

But Peter—like us—was in process.  He’d come from being a rough-speaking fisherman to a follower of Jesus who one moment was adamant in his unfailing love and the next embarrassed and afraid to be discovered as one of his followers.  After Jesus rose from the dead, Jesus plied Peter with questions to test his heart, then challenged him to take the keys of God’s kingdom to a lost world. Peter led the charge.  He became a leader among the apostles, suffering many times for his steadfast loyalty and courageous preaching about Jesus as the way to salvation.  God took his messy heart and turned him into the rock, the foundation for a growing church of believers.

Like Peter, I’m in process.  You’re in process.  God looks deep within us and sees the good as well as the messy and troublesome parts that with a little prodding can bloom into something beautiful—something He saw there at the beginning of time when He first thought to create us.  He has a future and a plan for us that will grow into reality when we allow Him to be the Gardener of our hearts.

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. . . . It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Phil: 1:6 & 2:13

© Linda Rooks 2019

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Filed Under: Desire, disappointment, Feeling unworthy, mistakes, New Directions, Time with God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , ,

Forgotten and Overlooked

January 26, 2015 by 18 Comments

child playing gameSometimes when I recall that desperate time in my life that was shrouded in confusion and pain at the beginning of my husband’s and my separation, I see a young face in the shadows of my memory. As I look back now, I spot expressions of confusion and pain on her face too. But my overwhelming distress at the time shut her out from my conscious awareness. She was hurting, and I was her mother. But I was too overwhelmed with my own raw emotions to reach out to help her.

It’s a sad memory for me, filled with regret.

I say this because I know some of you are in that place too. In the midst of the turmoil in the home and your own unhappiness, one thing that is often forgotten and overlooked may be your children. While your own mind spins in upheaval, they watch in lonely bewilderment. Their anchor is gone. They feel their security slipping away and they don’t know where to turn or what to do.

This is one of those times when our weak humanity feels all too frail and fallible, and as parents caught in a swamp of emotional pain, trying to hold ourselves together may be about all we can muster, and yet . . . there is someone else, young and vulnerable . . . watching and disoriented. . . depending on us to be strong.

And that is the problem with trying to do it all on our own.

We can’t.

In my book, Broken Heart on Hold, I speak of such a moment early on during the separation between my husband and me.

“Finally, when my tears were exhausted and my anger was spent, I cried out in despair to God.” p. 20

Yes, in despair I cried to God. As I struggled in the weakness of my independence to hold everything together, I woefully discovered it is only God who can hold us together. Only God can guide us on the right path and give us eyes to see those young faces in the shadows.

In troubling times, our children absorb a lot from our emotions. In our bad moments, emotional garbage eats into their hearts and minds and festers there. They need God just as we do. They need to discover God’s love and provision when they are floundering in the wilderness of chaos.

My neighbor Faith set a good example for me when her husband left her and their two growing boys. While she read Christian books and sought help from a number of other Christian sources to make herself strong, she also hunkered down with her sons on the bed at night and answered their questions. She read uplifting Christian stories with them, listened to CDs together in the car, and spent time with them individually to find out how they were feeling–both emotionally and spiritually. Faith encouraged them that with God’s help, they would get through this time.

With a tasteful balance between openness and discretion, she kept them in the loop of what was happening as the separation from their father continued. God was her focal point. In her bed late at night, she wept bitter tears, but during the day she gave honest encouragement to her sons. Attention to her boys did not waver. Although they could see her pain, they also saw her trusting God. I know Faith’s testimony produced much-needed faith into their minds and hearts, which will strengthen them during their own trials in years to come.

If you are struggling through a painful time in your life, remember your children. Pray for them and look for resources for them. You can find books like those offered in my last blog interview, or a previous one where I talked about The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black, and others I will be mentioning in the future. Watch positive, hopeful movies together. Talk to your children. Give them hope that God is in control so that whatever happens He will provide for them in their needs.

Also, find other people and resources to reassure them that God has a future for them and plans for them (Jer. 29:11), and that “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). Help your children seek God when they feel discouraged. As they watch you go through times of trouble, they learn themselves how to cope. Your example teaches them lessons they will be able to apply to the rest of their lives.

 

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Filed Under: Children, Divorce, Grief, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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