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Righteous Relationship Reset, Interview with Author Sherri Downs

January 19, 2022 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

CAN YOU “RESET” your marriage, and in effect, start over? Author Sherri Downs believes you can. In her book, Righteous Relationship Reset, she shares personally how God reset her own marriage by meticulously unwrapping the message God gave her when her marriage was in trouble. I recently did an interview with her on her Marriage Matters podcast, where Sherri seeks to provide listeners with hope and help on their marriage journeys. Sherri has a real heart to see marriages strengthened and uses her multi-media talents to do just that.

Linda: Sherri, tell me why you wrote a book about marriage reset?

Sherri: I identify the word reset in the terms of a fresh start. I’ve often heard “we serve a God of a second chances.” So, after experiencing devastation in my marriage, which, I share in my book Righteous Relationship Reset, I began to petition God to reset my marriage as if the devastation had never happened. As God began to restore and reset my marriage, I began to feel the call to share the message of hope, restoration, and a fresh start.

Linda: Why do you think marriages sometimes need to be reset?

Sherri: Unfortunately, we live in a broken world system and there will always be forces both natural and spiritual that will test our humanity. And the fact of the matter is, sometimes we pass, and sometimes we fail. Marriage is a relationship that is designed to be till death do us part. Humans are not perfect. On the contrary, we are flawed, and in marriage we will make mistakes. Those mistakes will need forgiveness and an ability to start afresh and reset. Now a reset doesn’t wipe away consequences, but it does give you a chance to not allow them to hold you back as you choose humility and forgiveness.

Linda: What do you believe was the intent of God for marriage?

Sherri: God created marriage with the intent that man and woman would live in harmony with one another. The newly created beings were to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. God took the expression of the relationship and created a covenant with Adam and Eve which would mirror the trinity, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The two human beings were pure yet untested.

Linda: What does reconciliation look like in marriage?

Sherri: We are all called to be more like Jesus, and the ministry of Jesus is reconciliation. Forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. However, reconciliation comes as one follows the leading of Holy Spirit and the display of true repentance. God requires that no one become a doormat to destructive behaviors. True repentance has the attributes of honesty, acknowledgement of offense, remorse over the action, accountability, and actions that display evidence of change.

Linda: In marriage, you’ve said in your book, Righteous Relationship Reset, that unrealistic expectations can rob couples of embracing the beauty of relationship. Can you explain what you mean and how one can change this?

Sherri: Unrealistic expectations are a result of an assumption we should receive something from someone which they do not have the capacity to give. The only person that can meet all our needs is God, and we are to live with the understanding that He is our ultimate source. This is not to say that we are never to expect things from our spouse. However, proper communication to verbally express those expectations is key. Then after the expectations are verbalized each can come to an understanding whether they can be met by the other spouse. I believe when we accept each person for who they are while providing grace to grow we may experience a beauty of evolving as a couple.

Linda: That is such an important point. But you stress another point as well. When and how does one place proper boundaries around their marriage?

Sherri: I’ve come to understand that boundaries are needed around everything. The world is an expression of that—streets, oceans, forests, continents, and seas all have boundaries. If boundaries did not exist, we would all live in chaos. Our lives need boundaries as well, finances, relationships, children, and our marriage. I regret not coming to the realization of the importance of enforced boundaries in my early years. Maybe someone told me, but the revelation didn’t become real until I experienced the devastation from not enforcing them around everything. We must intentionally start a marriage thinking about the important things which will make a marriage last.

If you’re already married, you may want to stop and have serious conversations to address areas of chaos. Chances are those are the places where there are no enforced boundaries. If apparent chaos is not present, sit and think about areas where boundaries would be beneficial and put them in place together.

Linda: Where does one start to rebuild a marriage?

Sherri: When a marriage has been torn down, the first place to start to rebuild a marriage is repentance, forgiveness, and commitment to the process of rebuilding. When a marriage is destroyed, it’s like a demolition of a building that took time to construct. When that building is destroyed the only way to rebuild it is by placing the bricks back one at a time. Brick by brick the building is restored.

Linda: Do you believe any marriage can be saved?

Sherri: I believe any marriage can be saved if both parties are willing to do marriage God’s way. The only marriage which cannot be saved is the one who’s hearts have turned cold towards God. When we allow Holy Spirit the opportunity to soften our hearts, He can restore anything. No one goes into a marriage saying, I want to be divorced. There was once an intention to be married for a very long time. Humility is key for both spouses along with allowing Holy Spirit to lead the way to restore the marriage better than it was before. I always say, “God specializes in resurrecting dead things, even a broken, devastated marriage.”

Linda: Any final thoughts?

Sherri: God had a specific intent in mind for marriage. Culture has perverted marriage by inserting doctrines that contradict God’s Word, Will, and Ways. Kingdom citizens are encouraged to view marriage with spiritual lenses. “I heard it said that ‘a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other,’ and I agree. God desires to bring His will into our marriages, but someone must choose to do marriage God’s way.”

Linda: How can people find more about you and your book, Righteous Relationship Reset?

Sherri: To connect with me or purchase my book, Righteous Relationship Reset, visit www.touchdownsenterprise.com or my Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSherriDowns Readers can also email me at info@touchdownsenterprise.com

Filed Under: BOOKS, communication, Conflict, Expectations, forgiveness, How to win, marriage, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, books for marriage, hope, marital reconciliation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, Marriage resources, seeking answers, troubled marriage

Five Ways We Can Use Nutrition to Enhance Our Immune Systems

October 27, 2021 by Linda Rooks 2 Comments

Guest Post by Ginny Dent Brant

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

WHEN I HEARD THE WORDS, “You have cancer,” it drove me to my knees and sent me on a quest to discover what I could do to help my doctors beat it. I asked God to show me what I needed to change. “Where had I gone wrong?” As I researched and prayed, He began to pull back the curtain on cancer. Although known as a health nut, I began a deeper dive into how I could use nutrition to enhance my immune system. I began to connect the dots between nutrition, the Bible, and how He designed the immune system to work.

Our immune system is one of many gifts from our Creator. Fighting diseases, viruses, and cancer is all about having a strong immune system that works as God designed. Now with what’s happening in our world today with Covid-19, I realize the same principles learned in my cancer journey apply to this pandemic. Proper nutrition is one of eight lifestyle changes that enable us to unleash the power of our own God-given immune systems to fight Covid-19.

Here are five ways we can use nutrition to enhance our immune systems:.

Hydrate properly.

Water is a healing elixir and an essential nutrient. Every cell, tissue, organ, and system in our bodies requires adequate water to work properly. Did you know that the mucus in your respiratory system provides a crucial barrier against infections and is empowered by water? Half our body weight in fluid ounces daily is our minimum goal. It’s free, so drink up!

Eat a nutrient-rich, balanced diet.

We are what we eat. Our bodies can be strengthened through eating a nutrient-rich, plant-based diet. We can use nutrition to enhance our immune systems by making wise food choices. Many fruits and vegetables contain antioxidants and phytochemicals which boost our immune systems, and fiber which regulates our digestive systems. Protein is the backbone of the immune system. A balanced diet includes varied sources of protein, healthy fats, and half of each meal should contain fresh vegetables and fruits.

Highly processed foods, intemperate alcohol, excessive sugar, and fried foods suppress our immune systems. Gluten, dairy and food allergies can suppress the immune system in some people. God gave us plants such as fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, spices and herbs which all promote healing and have cancer-fighting power. The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) recommends that we increase our daily servings of fruits and vegetables to 8-10 daily due to the rise of chronic diseases and cancers in our country.

Nourish and protect your gut.

Did you know that 70 percent of your immune system is located in your gut? A healthy gut filled with good bacteria can often eradicate a virus that enters through the mouth. In addition to eating prebiotic fiber from plants, we need to eat several probiotic foods daily such as yogurt and fermented foods. I also take a probiotic supplement each day. We can protect our gut by removing irritating foods that are highly processed and fried or contain excess sugar and alcohol, gluten, and Genetically Modified Organisms (GMO). Many GMO foods are high in toxins from pesticides. Our gut lining, when properly nourished, allows the good nutrients to flow throughout our body and keeps the bad stuff out. It’s an important part of our God-designed, protective armor.

Eat a cup of blueberries daily.

Blueberries are one of nature’s most nutrient-dense foods. A cup each day helps prevent dementia, boosts heart health, and cuts off blood supply to cancer tumors. It also strengthens the endothelial lining of our blood vessels which increases longevity and enhances our immune systems. The fiber also builds our gut lining which protects us from many diseases. These reasons are why I eat blueberries daily in my smoothie.

Use recommended nutraceuticals to support your immune system.

Many doctors are recommending vitamin D (2000 – 5000 IU), vitamin C (1000 mg two times per day), zinc (30 mg), and a good multivitamin and mineral complex to keep our immune systems strong. Three doctors told me, “If your vitamin D levels had been higher, you might not have gotten cancer.” I wish I’d known that sooner! Check with your doctor.

God created our bodies with an innate ability to heal. Our immune system is our first line of defense which stands between us and any disease, cancer, flu, or virus. My journey with cancer taught me to use nutrition to enhance my immune system. Proper hydration can boost our immune systems immediately. When we use our food as medicine, our entire body benefits.

I pray this gives people hope no matter what disease they may be fighting. Hope itself increases our immune systems. Change is hard, but we can all use nutrition to enhance our immune systems. Every change is worth it.

About Ginny Dent Brant

Ginny Dent Brant is a speaker and writer who grew up in the halls of power in Washington, DC. She has battled cancer, ministered around the world, and served on the front lines of American culture as a counselor, educator, wellness advocate, and adjunct professor. Her book, Unleash Your God-Given Healing: Eight Steps to Prevent and Survive Cancer, was written with commentary by a practicing oncologist and medical researcher. It has received four awards including a Golden Scrolls Award, Director’s Choice Award, Selah Award Finalist, and the Lighthouse Recognition Award. Visit her cancer prevention and wellness blog and more info at www.ginnybrant.com.

Filed Under: cancer, Covid, God's goodness, health, health issues, Hope, How to win, Uncategorized, weight problems Tagged With: cancer, Covid, Goal Setting, health issues, hope, immune system, New Directions, nutrition, seeking answers, what to do

What If My Marriage Is Not Reconciled?

October 17, 2021 by Linda Rooks 2 Comments

WHEN SELENA TOLD ME about her divorce, I was crushed. Years before, she had gone through Marriage 911, reconciled with her husband and been an enthusiastic supporter of others going through our ministry. We hadn’t been in touch for quite a while, and when she informed me of the happenings of the previous year, I was in shock.

She had made so many changes. She was more vibrant. Closer to God. She had literally become a more beautiful woman. She had ministered to others too and helped them walk this difficult journey.

I had not seen this coming, and neither had she. Her husband had seemed supportive, and they had come a long way. His divorcing her was completely unexpected.

For days I drug around, wondering how this could happen, asking God why. I remembered others whose marriages had also not reconciled. People who seemed to be doing all the right things.

One morning as I spent a prolonged time in prayer, God started whispering to my heart with memories, recollections, and encouragement. In my memory I saw Selena when she first came to class and how she was now. She had changed dramatically. She was more vibrant, more beautiful with a light in her eyes and a softness in her face. Her words were uplifting and gracious. She was closer to God and had a vital faith.

As God began to show me this, He began to speak to me in my heart. It’s not all about the marriage, Linda. It’s about the person themselves. And their relationship to me. I want them to come closer to me. And that’s what’s most important.

Awhile later my husband asked me what I was doing. I told him I’d been spending time with God and He was showing me some things.

“What did He show you?” he asked. “I always like hearing what God says to you.”

When I told him, he said, “Well that’s what we say in Marriage 911. You can’t change your spouse. You can only change yourself. It’s about your relationship between you and God.”

“And that’s what people say to me in their emails too,” I said. “Many people, whose marriages weren’t reconciled, email me to say that even though their marriage didn’t get back together and it was one of the hardest times in their life, they wouldn’t trade this experience because they had come so much closer to God.”

So, yes, after spending that time with the Lord, I realized it all comes down to this.

Even though my books and our Marriage 911 ministry have helped to bring about many reconciled marriages, there is no guarantee. Our fallen human natures still impact the results. The sinful choices and desires of a spouse can undermine God’s best plan for us. Likewise, our own past choices may have exhausted the emotional strength and patience of our mate. God gives us free will and does not force His own will upon us.

Sometimes in the searching for answers, we find answers we never expected, answers that explain far more than what initially drove us in our search.

In one of the last stories of my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I quote an email sent to me from Theresa, who had gone through Marriage 911 and read Broken Heart on Hold, but whose marriage still ended in a divorce initiated by her husband. In the email she recalls the difficult journey and what she had learned through it. “What if I was not really fighting for my marriage?” she asks. “What if God was actually having me fight for myself—my soul, my heart, my own salvation?” She finishes the email by saying, “The one that has been restored, I assure you, has been ME! I can finally hear Jesus saying to my heart, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19).’”

As I continued to meditate on what God was showing me that day, I pictured someone dancing in God’s presence, joyful in the love surrounding them. And I realized, although we want to help reconcile marriages, our ultimate goal is this: to open up each person’s heart to God, themselves, and others so they can shed the shabbiness within their souls and become the beautiful creation God intended them to be.

Hopefully, as they dance into their new persona, their spouses will be able to join them in the dance and the two of them can grow together in the pursuit of holiness God wants them to have. But even if their spouse does not join them, they will not dance alone. Jesus is there to lead them into the joyful discovery of all He holds for them. His love will be ever-present and His dance will lift them to new heights.

Filed Under: disappointment, Divorce, Expectations, faith, God's goodness, Hope, How to win, Knowing God, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, Peace, Reconciliation, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: depression, divorce, faith, Feeling lost, invisible God, marital reconciliation, marital separation, marriage in crisis, peace, seeking answers, unanswered prayers

Prayers for 9/11 – Twenty Years Later

September 7, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

SMOKE BILLOWED FROM the building as flames continued to engulf it. Again and again on the TV, a tape replayed, showing an airplane exploding into the upper part of the World Trade Center. News reporters frantically attempted to explain what had happened. No reports yet about the people inside except that survivors were seen running from the building. The unspoken question, “How many had already died?”

Flames suddenly exploded from the other tower. “I think that was another plane,” the reporter exclaimed incredulously. “Let me run that again.” As the tape ran a second time, he shouted, “Yes, another plane just hit the second tower!”

Slowly, the truth began to dawn. It was a terrorist attack. Reports began coming from every direction . . . like in the story of Job. Just as one reporter finished announcing a disaster, another interrupted to tell about another.

“There is fire in the Pentagon.”

“There is a report that another hi-jacked plane is still in the sky; no one knows where it is.”

As events unfolded, it became clear that a day of infamy had just been etched into the history of America. It was the morning of September 11, 2001.

As I watched TV that day with reports and televised pictures showing everything that was happening at once, I was reminded of how God looks down on each of us in the middle of a crisis and sees all the surrounding events that are taking place at the same time. He sees the big picture. Those at the heart of that terrible disaster had no idea what was happening. Many had no radio or television or any means of communicating with others. Cell phones were still in their infancy. These people did not know there was a terrorist attack. They did not know hijacked planes were being used as missiles. They had no idea of the kind of danger they were in. But those of us watching television saw it all unraveling on the screen before us. We had the big picture. And with the gift of perspective, those of us who belong to Christ could tap into The One who had an even bigger picture. We could pray.

Hearing that another hijacked jet was still in the sky that morning, I felt an urgency sweep through me. I ran to my living room and knelt down with my hands clasped on the love seat. Looking through the glass doors behind and up into the sky, I began to pray deeply in the spirit. Specifically I prayed for the people on that plane. I prayed for any Christians on the plane to experience God’s wisdom. I prayed that there were courageous people on the plane who would be able to intervene and change the course of the jet so there would not be another violent collision into a major landmark. My prayers were feverish and urgent. In the eye of my mind I could feel struggles going on.

After a few minutes I went back to the television set in the family room. Before long, a commentator reported a plane crash in Pennsylvania. They did not know if this was related to the hijackings or just an odd coincidence. Sometime later, stories began to filter through the airways that one man, then two men, then three…had called on cell phones and told their loved ones they were going to do something about the hijacking that was taking place.

Around noon I called my daughter, and we talked about our prayers that morning. Her prayer had been for the dying. “I just kept praying that people who were dying would call on the name of Jesus,” she said. In the solemnity of her voice there was a deep, painful sense of eternity hanging in the balance.

Several days later I heard the story of a Christian man who told of being with a group of people trapped in one of the Towers just before the collapse of Tower 2. “Call on the name of Jesus,” he shouted to them. From all around him, people began crying out, “Jesus,” “Jesus.” Miraculously, this man not only managed to get out from under the debris that buried them, but pulled out two others who were still alive as well. The three made it through the ash and debris to safety, but the others didn’t survive.

As Christians we know by faith that God is in control. What we cannot see, however, is how He exercises that control. He did not stop those first three planes that hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. But how many unseen mysteries happened that day that we will never hear of? How many people were moved by God’s Holy Spirit to pray? How many prayers strengthened the saints caught in the middle of disaster? How many stories could be told of heroism and courage that had eternal results? We will never know the answer to that until one day in Heaven we see “face to face.” Then we will know the mysteries and see God’s plan unfurled.

In a few more days it will be twenty years since that fateful day of September 11, 2001.

And once again we see and hear about innocent people in jeopardy because of the atrocities of terrorism—innocent people now trapped in the very country that birthed the horror of 9/11 twenty years ago, now controlled by a terrorist regime. And we wonder . . . What is next? For the people of Afghanistan? For us? For the rest of the world?

As Christians we are not called to fear, however. We are called to prayer. For we know our God watches on the big screen. God hears our prayers and knows the needs of each of His people. He is in control, and the wonders of His ways none of us can fathom. As we tap into God through prayer, our prayers can touch people we don’t even know in countries we’ll never visit, including those desperate people in Afghanistan whose cries are being heard in the hearts of people around the world.

On September 11 I invite you to join me in calling on the name of Jesus and making this September 11, 2021, a day of prayer. We don’t have to change our plans or stay on our knees. But throughout the day we as Christians can pray quiet prayers of protection for the innocent, and confusion and defeat for the violent perpetrators of evil.

Please join me and dedicate yourself to prayer on September 11.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness. (Prov. 11:5)

Are you with me? Will you pray? I’d love to read your comments below:

To remind yourself about who’s in charge, listen to the following song and know that God will indeed hear you when you call.

“Whom Shall I Fear? (The God of Angel Armies)” by Chris Tomlin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0gu0nOaFsI

Filed Under: Danger, faith, Fear, Grief, How to win, Jesus, Military families, national concerns, Prayer, Trusting God, Where is God? Tagged With: 9/11, fear, grief, hope, invisible God, prayer, trust, worry

Creating Safety through Listening

July 6, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Etienne Boulang

I OFTEN TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE of creating safety in a relationship to help a marriage thrive or survive a marital collapse. In my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, it’s a common theme that runs throughout the pages. But what that means is not always easy to understand. For how do you create safety? It’s not just about refraining from a fight or not attacking the other person. In fact, creating safety can even involve something as simple as how we listen to each other.

How do we react when our partner tells us about a problem? Are we supporting them or trying to fix them? Are we allowing them to express their feelings or are we unintentionally shutting them down by negating emotions that seem illogical to us? Do we interrupt them and interject our own spins on things or do we allow them to finish their story?

Both partners need to feel safe if they are to be happy in the relationship, and we can consciously promote safety in a variety of ways. Learning how to listen when our partner expresses their needs without interjecting ourselves into their narrative is one of the ways we can help them feel safe.

Deborah Maxey, PhD, wrote a great article in MTL magazine called “Can You Hear Me Now” about how to listen to someone when they are in need and expressing deep feelings or hurts. She specifically lists the ways we often fall short in our listening skills and unintentionally push the person away instead of using the time to help them feel safe and understood. She lists 15 mistakes we often make in our listening. I highly recommend that you read the full article below and see if you can create more safety in your marriage by improving your listening skills.

Can You Hear Me Now?

by Deborah Maxey, Ph.D.

There truly is “more to life” when we have healthy, loving relationships. In my practice as a psychotherapist, assessing the health or issues in relationships was a huge part of my job. Extensive training allowed me to dive deep into what makes a relationship work and what creates distance. As an expert witness, I testified in court over a thousand times on those assessments.

Without question, the biggest characteristic of health or disorder in our relationships is how well we comfort one another. In a time of need, does our partner, friend or child find a safe, cushy place to land where he can share his tender needs with us?

There are key ingredients to being that safe, soft place to land when someone is hurting. The most important thing we can do to build trust as a safe person to share with is to practice getting ourselves out of the way when we listen. Most people are well meaning and think they are good listeners. But even the most compassionate people can make big errors.

To offer quality comfort, we must be open to hearing our loved one’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs without our own feelings and needs interrupting. Here are fifteen ways listening can go wrong and create distance in a relationship.

Continue reading https://mtlmagazine.com/article/can-you-hear-me-now/

You can learn other ways to create safety in a relationship in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Filed Under: communication, Expectations, How to win, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, Problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, Love, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, New Directions, troubled marriage

In Appreciation of Dads Who Persevere

June 20, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

THIS FATHER’S DAY I want to recognize a particular group of dads who may approach the day with a bit of apprehension.

These are dads I sometimes get emails from who are persevering even in the midst of separation or divorce. Their wives have left or asked them to leave, and the pain of being separated not only from their wife but their children is tearing them apart.

In some situations, of course, the wife has had a good reason for her actions, but whether this is true in his particular case or not, the man I pay tribute to today has taken this to God, understands how he has erred, sought forgiveness, and is taking the necessary steps to become the man God created him to be. In the meantime, while he tries to rebuild trust with his wife, he is attempting to be a good dad to his children.

Dads who are separated or divorced have an especially difficult task, and I say kudos to those who keep their promises, make the effort to be a part of their children’s lives, show up for baseball games and dance recitals, is respectful of their mother in spite of the situation, and tries to maintain consistency in their child’s life while the child is shuffled between two different households.

Being a good dad is important to him. While he is aware of his failures, he wants with all his heart to be a good dad. He wants his children to be proud of him and know that he loves them. He doesn’t want to disappoint them. He wants to overcome the challenges.

So instead of criticizing his wife, he is humble and honest about his own shortcomings as God reveals them to him. He doesn’t try to drive a wedge between the children and their mother and prays with the children that God will use these adverse circumstances to bring good into their lives according to Romans 8:28, which says, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” And without expectations from his wife, he continues to take appropriate responsibility in the home.

These are dads who are doing everything they can to let God change them into the men He created them to be, who step up to their role as fathers and become stronger men in the process, showing their children how to handle life’s challenges and failures. By seeking God and looking to Him for guidance, by humbly admitting mistakes, and honestly confronting their issues without blaming and being defensive, they become an example to their children of humble, honest, and godly manhood.

So this Father’s Day, I want to say thanks to the dad who rises up to become the man, the dad, and the husband God has called him to be, putting behind him the insecurities and failures of the past and pressing on to follow God and to be an example to his children of the power of God’s redemption.

If you’re a man who wants to fight for his family and his marriage, let me help you on this journey through my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Filed Under: Children, Divorce, Fathers, Feeling unworthy, How to win, loss, Marital separation, men & women, parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: children, dads, divorce, Lonliness, marital separation, marriage in crisis

Marriage on the Mend, Healing Your Marriage after Crisis, Separation or Divorce – Interview with Co-author Penny Bragg

March 24, 2021 by Linda Rooks 1 Comment

DO MIRACLES HAPPEN? Can marriages reconcile when it looks almost impossible for it to happen? YES, and the story of Clint and Penny Bragg proves the point.

But how the reconciliation takes place and how the marriage is mended becomes an important part of this story. Clint and Penny’s book, Marriage on the Mend, Healing Your Marriage after Crisis, Separation or Divorce, is a must-have book for couples who are trying to restore broken marriages. And co-author Penny Bragg is here to tell you more about both their story and their book.

In our Marriage 911 classes, we have often invited Clint and Penny to share their amazing story of reconciliation, and each time they come, they provide new hope for couples who thought their marriages might be over. However, in addition to their story, Clint and Penny’s book, Marriage on the Mend gives couples the tools to actually put their marriages back together, brick by brick, after they make the decision to reconcile.

Linda: Penny, you have an extraordinary testimony of reconciliation. After your divorce, did you ever think it would be possible to remarry each other?

Penny: Neither of us ever imagined God would reconcile our marriage. We had been divorced for over a decade and had absolutely NO contact with each other during those years. And when we say, “no contact,” we mean it. We had not spoken since the day our divorce papers were notarized citing, “Irreconcilable differences have caused the permanent breakdown of our marriage.” Once that happened, we each went our separate ways.

Early Married Life and How it All Unraveled

Linda: Were you Christians when you were married back in 1989?

Penny: Yes, we were Christians. We were married in the church and had a beautiful ceremony. However, we had no clue how to be married. We thought if we loved God and each other, that was enough. We were not mature enough in our faith to realize that we were going to have to work hard to have a good marriage. We also didn’t want to tell anyone we were struggling because we were in leadership positions in the church.

Linda: Yes, I’m afraid that can easily happen to people in leadership. Tell me though, were there specific issues that led up to your separation and divorce?

Penny: Yes, we can look back at it all now and see it so clearly. We both had a ton of baggage from our childhoods and secrets we never shared with one another. Those things seemed to subtly crawl out from under the carpet and creep in between us. We had gone on a mission trip together after our first year of marriage and when we came back, that’s when the division started. We couldn’t really put our finger on what was wrong. Clint could feel me pulling away, but we didn’t have good communication skills to work through things. He started getting worried because I was spending a lot of time away from our house and away from him. He confronted me about an affair, but I denied it.

Linda: Did you attempt to reconcile after you were separated?

Penny: I was the one who walked out. I wasn’t being honest with Clint. I was being unfaithful to him and to God. Clint tried to do all the right things to reconcile, but I would have NONE of it. The more he pursued me, the more I ran away. When he showed up unexpectedly at my workplace, I threw my wedding ring across the room at him. It was ugly. I was ugly. I closed my Bible and I closed my heart. I understand now that I had never really let Jesus heal all the wounds from my childhood and that I took out all that pain on Clint. He now understands that he was doing the same thing to me.

Reconciliation and Remarriage

Linda: I’ve heard you share your amazing story of how God started the ball of reconciliation rolling. Would you share with our readers what happened?

Penny: Unbeknownst to either of us at the time, God had paralleled our lives during our eleven years apart. But, He never allowed us to intersect. What we didn’t know was that we had both recommitted our lives to Christ after wandering our own paths away from Him. We finally let Him reach down and touch all the wounds in our hearts. I was working with a Christian counselor, trying to heal and bring closure to things in my life that I had broken through sin. The LAST thing on my list was contacting Clint, even though he should have been at the top. I was too scared after all I had done to him. I had NO intention to try and reconcile, just to heal and confess the truth to him. I also wanted to ask his forgiveness and apologize for what I had done.

Linda: The rest of the details of your incredible reconciliation are in your book, Marriage on the Mend, right? Tell me more about your remarriage and your book.

Penny: Yes, Marriage on the Mend—Healing Your Relationship After Crisis, Separation, or Divorce, (Kregel, 2015) contains our story. But it also covers the first five years of our remarriage to each other. Once we remarried in 2002, we had a mountain of consequences to overcome. People tend to think that you just reconcile and then cross it off your list. WRONG. Reconciliation is something we work on every day. We’ve now been remarried for almost 13 years. We’ve learned over and over again that reconciliation is not about following a recipe, it’s about following Jesus Christ. God did not allow us to have contact with each other until we had both reconciled our relationships with Him.

Tools for Reconciling

Linda: What great insight! So often, couples want to just repair the marriage itself, but until their hearts are right with God, it’s hard for them to get their hearts right with each other. What would you say are the main tools that have helped you build a strong marriage the second time around?

Penny: There are many tools that have helped us along the way. During our first remarriage conflict, God really got our attention. We didn’t want to fail at our marriage again. We were desperate for Him. We also didn’t have any counselor or books that seemed to meet our needs. But, we had both established a strong relationship with God which included meeting with Him alone daily. That is the most important thing in our remarriage that has made all the difference. In addition, we never leave the house without praying together in the morning first. We also meet together once-a-week to read the Word and pray together. Having prayer/accountability partners is another must in our marriage. Those people have permission to call us on the carpet when needed. They are our marriage advocates. We also get away with God each quarter to really talk about the deeper issues in our marriage, to seek Him together, set goals, and assess our progress. All of these tools have drastically cut down the conflict in our marriage.

Linda: What are some of the hardest issues you think couples must deal with after they reconcile?

Penny: Unforgiveness and bitterness over past mistakes seems to plague most couples who reconcile. The key is learning to accept forgiveness and reconciliation as a PROCESS…an ongoing process that takes time and effort. In addition, couples must learn a way out of the cycle or revolving door that gets them stuck in the same offense or argument over and over again. We have several tools in our book to address these issues.

Linda: Tell me about the QR codes in Marriage on the Mend and why you wanted to integrate video into the reading experience.

Penny: As former educators in the public school system, we know how important it is to model the things that are taught. People need to see tools and concepts in action to understand how to apply them. We were thrilled when our publisher, Kregel, suggested we take all the video podcasts we had made and link them right into the book using QR codes. That way, as you read you can scan the QR code with your Smartphone or tablet and see a visual demonstration of each tool. There are 40 podcasts connected and threaded into Marriage on the Mend. We also posted all those videos on the Internet so people can access them for free, even if they haven’t read the book. They can also be accessed through our website http://www.InverseMinistriesPodcast.org or on our Marriage on the Mend YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/MarriageontheMend

Advice for the Separated or Divorced

Linda: A number of the people reading this may be separated or divorced. What advice would you give?

Penny: Focus on strengthening your individual relationship with God daily. We designed some free resources to help you do that, including our “Give God 40 Days” devotional. We also have a resource entitled, “Do the Desert Well,” which encourages you with specific ways to allow God to change and heal your heart. Just e-mail us at reconcile@inverseministries.org and we are more than happy to send these to you. We also have a set of 40 scripture/prayer cards to deepen your prayer life. We know how painful the journey is for those who feel like their spouse or ex-spouse is showing NO signs of reconciliation. That’s why we created so many resources to walk alongside those who feel like there is no hope. If God can reconcile our marriage, He can reconcile ANY marriage!

Linda: Where can people find out more about your book, Marriage on the Mend?

Penny: Our website has all the information about this book and others we’ve written about marriage, including what others are saying and an informational video. http://www.InverseMinistries.org .

Filed Under: BOOKS, Divorce, Expectations, forgiveness, Hope, How to win, Infidelity, Interviews, marriage, Marriage problems, marriage resources, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: author interview, books for marriage, divorce, Feeling lost, hope, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, New Directions, troubled marriage

More about Unwrapping the New You

March 15, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Niclas Gustafsson

A TIME OF WAITING, a time of uncertainty causes us to look for new answers to life. Part of that is to discover more about who we are and who we want to be.

Some of that self-discovery is inward as we look to God to help us make changes. But some of it might take an outward focus too as we navigate through relationship challenges.

If you are reading my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, the chapter “Unwrapping the New You” holds some important truths about experiencing the joy of becoming the person God created you to be. In this post, I want to add additional strategies for those of you fighting for your marriage as you go through this period of change. God created us as physical beings, and along with the deeper changes we are making, there are practical ones as well that can contribute to finding victory at the other end of this journey.

Changing Things Up

We humans seem to be wired to enjoy change every now and then. We go along with things a certain way and then want to spice things up. That can apply to our marriages too, particularly a marriage that has gone stale or veered off course into brokenness or crisis. Doing something new for our marriage relationships can add a little pizzazz, and during a separation it might get a drifting mate’s attention.

So in addition to allowing God to make changes in your character, attitude and actions, you might also consider making some practical changes that stretches who you are. Your purpose is to become the fullest, most vibrant version of who God created you to be. Don’t make the mistake of trying to become who your spouse wants you to be. That’s not you. You want to become the person God wants you to be. You are a unique person, created by God to be His special child. Fulfilling His most complete vision of you is a tribute and honor to Him as well as a gratifying achievement for you. During this time of waiting, while you are exploring God’s heart and purpose for you, it’s your opportunity to spread your wings to mount up like eagles to discover more of God’s purpose in who you are individually as you seek to become the new you.

In doing this, you might want to try taking some fresh new approaches not typical of you, something unexpected. Think outside the box. Expand your interests and try new things. Read some interesting new books or take a course at the university. Consider taking up a new hobby, getting an interesting new job, or venturing out in a bold new direction. The interesting side effect can be that your spouse may take a second look. You might even consider taking a trip to a destination that causes your spouse to sit up and take notice. “You’re going there? Hmmm, interesting.”

Fighting for your marriage during a separation encompasses every aspect of life on every level. We are fighting Satan who comes to “kill, steal and destroy.” His tactics are numerous, and he takes advantage of every loophole he can find. So as a marriage warrior you need to be vigilant; you need to be wise . . . and you need to be creative. When Jesus sent his disciples out into the world, He said He was sending them out “as sheep among wolves,” and He instructed them to be “shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves” (Matt: 10:16 NIV). We take instruction from this as well.

When we are following God and fighting a battle in enemy territory, we too are as “sheep among wolves.” We need discernment and we need to allow God to lead us creatively as we tiptoe through the minefields of separation.

In her book, The Divorce Remedy Michelle Weiner Davis reminds her readers, “You are competing with your spouse’s fantasy of an ideal life without problems, or perhaps even a real-life affair.” So as a marriage warrior, your goal is to win your spouse’s heart away from Satan’s snares and give him or her a loving and alluring dose of God’s very best.

Practical Upgrades for the New You

When we dig down into some Old Testament stories, we can glean wonderful tidbits of practical wisdom.

In the story of Ruth, Naomi wanted her daughter-in-law to win over her relative Boaz, who had been kind to her, so he would marry her and take care of her. When she gave Ruth some personal advice about making herself attractive, Ruth listened to her mother-in-law’s recommendations. “Now do as I tell you,” Naomi said, “take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking” (Ruth 3:3 NLT).

As a woman of faith, Naomi was confident her advice to her daughter-in-law was consistent with God’s plan. Encouraging Ruth to make herself more attractive was not intended to manipulate but arouse Boaz’s affection. As a result of Ruth following Naomi’s instructions, Boaz not only married Ruth, but their child became the grandfather of David and was directly in the lineage of Jesus.

In the book of Esther, when Esther wanted to save her people, she did not immediately go to her husband the king and ask for what she wanted. First, she made herself attractive to him, she made him a banquet, and she made him wonder. Even during the first banquet, instead of letting him know what she wanted, she invited him to another feast before revealing what was on her heart. She aroused his curiosity and made him more interested.

Lessons from Ruth and Esther

What lessons can we learn from Ruth and Esther?

Make yourself attractive. Both Ruth and Esther made an extra effort to fix themselves up. For women, you might want to refresh the way you fix your hair, get a stylish new outfit or two, or lose a little weight. And for men, here’s a news flash. Women like men to look attractive too. So think about your weight as well and wear a nice shirt and neatly pressed pants when you are planning to see your wife.

Do we sometimes overlook the importance of the sense of smell? The first thing Naomi said to Ruth is, “Take a bath.” Make sure you bathe regularly, wear clean, fresh smelling clothes, and keep your breath sweet.
Be honest with yourself. Look in the mirror. Do you need to shed a few pounds? If so, start a healthy weight loss plan like Weight Watchers instead of a fad diet that merely puts you on a yo-yo cycle of losing/gaining weight.
Have you let yourself go over the years? Would a new hair style help? Scan some fashion magazines or talk to a hair stylist to get some ideas.
If you’re a woman, you might want to get a facial and freshen up your makeup. If you’re a man, maybe shape up your beard.
Think about the style and color of your clothes. Choose outfits that are appropriate for your body type and age. Select colors that complement your skin tone and hair color and bring out the color of your eyes.

Be less predictable and less available. By holding off in telling him what she wanted, Esther aroused the king’s curiosity. She awakened his interest and kept him coming back for more to see what she was up to.

Because you’re trying to win back your spouse’s heart, you may find yourself becoming co-dependent, trying to please him or her at every turn by doing what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. Instead, let God guide you in your reactions and decisions regarding your spouse. Like Esther, you may want to add variety to your responses and not be too predictable. Be the unique person that you are. And if you’re not sure what that means, let God guide you through His Word as He allows you to unwrap your uniqueness and individuality through your discovery of the gifts He has placed in your heart and hands.

God knows you inside and out. “Psalm 139: 13 and 16 says, “You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. . . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” The God who created you, loves you and wants you to be the best YOU you can be, and He knows just how to do it. When you ask Him for wisdom about how to become the new you He has wanted you to be from the beginning, He will show you.

To read more about how to unwrap the new you, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, will help you look at yourself in new ways so at the end of this journey you can be proud of the person you have become whether or not your marriage is reconciled.

Filed Under: Divorce, Feeling unworthy, Hope, How to win, marriage, Marriage problems, New Directions, Reconciliation, Uncategorized, weight problems Tagged With: Feeling lost, hope, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, New Directions, seeking answers, troubled marriage, what to do

The Challenge of Letting Go

February 17, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Zac Durant

RESTORING A BROKEN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP encompasses a number of steps and heart changes along the way. But as I’ve walked beside people over the years, the most important one that takes place in an individual’s heart prior to the marriage actually being restored is when the one fighting for the marriage is able to truly let go and give it to God.

It’s hard to do though, and it’s not easy to understand.

I talk about it a lot, and as I think about it today, I remember a conversation I had years ago at a get-together with some women who were struggling through marital separation. One of the women whose marriage had already made tremendous progress toward healing, began talking about the importance of “letting go.”

The young woman beside me knit her brow with a perplexed expression and frowned. “I get right to the point of being able to let go,” she said, pinching her fingers together as though about to drop something, “and then . . . I just can’t do it.”

The woman next to her nodded. “That’s right. Me too. That’s how I am.”

An Image from The Lord of the Rings

My husband Marv and I had recently watched all three DVD’s of The Lord of the Rings movie, and as my friend spoke, my mind immediately conjured up the image of Frodo standing on the cliff at the end of the movie. He holds his hand over the edge of the precipice with the ring dangling at the end of the chain. Beneath, is the raging fire which has been his destination all through the movie. It is the one place where he can release the ring, see it destroyed, and with it destroy the evil that is taking over Middle Earth. All he has to do is release the ring and freedom can reign once again.

“That reminds me of the ending of The Lord of the Rings,” I said. “All through the movie Frodo has been besieged by the evil that the ring has brought to Middle Earth. He has witnessed again and again the destructive power of the ring and how it corrupts those who lust over it. He’s seen the damage, the death, the devastation that it causes. And with amazing strength of character, he has persevered through all of that. He’s survived the struggle, the hardship, the temptation. He’s been willing to traverse the darkest lands and oppressive terrains and he’s endured the threats of horrendous creatures in order to get to the mountain where he can destroy the evil. But when he gets to the very end, when he’s finally there, he stands at the edge of the cliff, dangling the ring at the end of the chain. He stares at it, but can’t let go.

Sam yells to him, “Let it GO! Just let GO!”

But he can’t.

The seductive power of the ring has taken hold.”

The Trouble with Surrendering and Letting Go

As we continued to talk that evening about the challenge of letting go, I shared with my friends how The Lord of the Rings presents a perfect visual image of the struggle we have with surrendering everything to God.

Like Frodo, we don’t want to lose control. The ring of power holds us captive. Even though it means our fleshly nature will reign instead of God’s will, we can’t put it all in God’s hands. The desire to be in control holds sway over us—especially when we’re afraid that if we let go, God might not do what we want Him to do.

How many times have I seen or heard from a woman or man whose greatest desire is to reunite with their spouse? They’ve gone through the anguish, they’ve suffered hardship to get things to change. But they are unable to surrender to God to let Him take care of it. We want to do it by ourselves, even though our own methods have already failed. We somehow think if we think about it enough, talk about it enough, remind our spouse enough times, things will somehow change. We’re locked in a pattern where we keep repeating the same actions. We’re traveling in circles, or worse, we’re pushing our spouse further away. We’re afraid if we put it in God’s hands, He’ll do something we won’t like. The fear of losing control, the desire to do it our own way keeps us in bondage. We can’t let go.

But God, who created us, who created our world, who is omnipotent and sees everything . . . understands what is happening; He has answers we don’t have. He knows our spouse inside and out, just like he also knows us. He can “work all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose*” if we can surrender it all to Him and let go of having to control it ourselves.

First, however, we have to summon the inner strength to follow through so we can let go and trust Him. He is the Good that will banish evil. He is the Light that will shine in the darkness. He is the Word of God who will enlighten our understanding and point us in the right direction.

So as we stand on that precipice, holding that ring of power, we have to have the will, the faith, the strength to let it go.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you (Mathew 6:33).

*(Rom. 8:28)

If your marriage is in trouble and you need to know how to fight for it, letting go is an important part of experiencing the victory. My books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated can show you the path through the labyrinth of confusion so you can find the hope God has for you.

Nest week: Perhaps the hardest issue of all–infidelity.

Filed Under: Divorce, faith, Hope, How to win, Letting go, Love, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Trying to understand Tagged With: divorce, faith, Love, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, seeking answers, troubled marriage

Women, Do You Know How to Fight for and Save Your Marriage?

February 10, 2021 by Linda Rooks Leave a Comment

Photo by Kristina V

STORIES CAN SOMETIMES BE A BETTER TEACHING TOOL than mere words of instruction. So today, for you women who want to save your marriage, I want to tell you the story of Wendy. This is a sad story, but sometimes sad stories can show us the way to happier endings.

When Wendy’s husband left, her world fell apart. She never saw it coming. Her husband had been a loving and caring provider. Now suddenly, he said he was leaving. Her mind spun in confusion as she watched him pack up his things. Her heart raced.

“Where are you going?” she asked. “Why are you doing this?”

He shook his head and nuzzled the head of their dog, then headed toward the door.

She grabbed his arm. “I don’t understand. Why are you leaving? When are you coming back?”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. I need a break.”

As he reached for the door handle, tears began streaming down her face. “I can’t believe you’re doing this! Why are you leaving? Where are you going?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll give you a call.” The door closed firmly behind him and soon she heard the car engine roar to life. From the window, she watched his truck pull out of the driveway and head down the street. Wendy stood watching for a moment in shock, then collapsed on the couch.

For the next several days, Wendy walked around like one of the living dead. Her mind was in a fog. She was heartbroken. She called a couple of her friends. They were shocked too, but didn’t know what to say. She called her husband on the phone, hoping he would explain, but his answers were vague and unsettling. She suggested counseling, but he said he couldn’t do it right now. He wouldn’t know what to say.

With the shock and heartbreak of her husband’s sudden departure, Wendy’s reactions were very normal at this point.

But after the initial pain, she had a choice. What direction would she take from this point forward?

A Wrong Direction

Wendy could not push back the pain of her emotions and they began to spiral out of control. Her mind spun in every direction with fears, anger, regrets. For days she’d lie in bed, too depressed to even get up to dress and comb her hair or take calls from friends who wanted to help. The best she could do was nibble on some crackers, feed the dog and let him out in the backyard when he needed to go outside. She could think of nothing except the terrible pain her husband was causing her, and as her emotions changed from day to day—sometimes from hour to hour—she called her husband. Sometimes she called to beg him to come home, other times she sobbed on the phone, asking what was to become of her. More than once, she sent long texts lashing out at him, accusing him, berating him, telling him what a terrible person he was.

“How can you do this to me? How can you treat me this way!” she asked. She called mutual friends and asked them to call too.

Finally, one of Wendy’s friends suggested she take a class at church for those whose marriages were in crisis. Wendy went, and for the first time, she experienced hope.

A New Opportunity

She was told if she wanted to save her marriage, “you need to give your husband space – to put your husband on the back burner and focus on God.” Leaders told her to pray for her husband, say positive things to him when they had contact, and refrain from criticizing him. This was a time for her to put aside all expectations from her husband and simply be a giving, positive friend to him. She was even encouraged to take care of herself and do things she enjoyed without her husband. The other women in her group were dealing with similar situations, and she found the group atmosphere to be encouraging.

She began doing many of the things she was told to do, and her husband began to respond in positive ways. He even began dropping by the house on occasion, admitting to her that he still loved her but felt suffocated by her neediness.

She tried to put into practice the things they talked about in her class, but it was hard. In fact, one thing she just couldn’t do. The women were told to “let go” of their spouses, not to expect anything from them, and trust God with their emotions. She just didn’t understand how to do this. She loved her husband. She wanted him back. She wanted him to love her. She couldn’t let go of him and tell God she would be alright if her husband didn’t come back. She knew for a fact that she wouldn’t be alright if her husband didn’t come back. She needed her husband in her life. Yes, God was good and powerful, but He wasn’t a substitute for her husband. She couldn’t take a chance on letting go of her husband.

One evening her husband came over to visit, but instead of focusing on her and talking with her, all he did was play with their golden retriever. Her initial pain of abandonment returned. Self-pity took hold. But instead of taking her feelings to God to lay the pain at his feet, she just couldn’t keep from saying what was on her mind. “You love the dog more than me,” she complained to her husband.

Her husband didn’t respond but continued playing with the dog.

Although Wendy knew the importance of letting go and keeping things positive when she spent time with her husband, once again her emotions pulled her off balance. She couldn’t resist expressing her dissatisfaction with her husband’s lack of attention. The need for her husband’s love and affirmation held her hostage to her emotions. Her neediness was driving him away. Surrendering her pain to God would have released her from her obsession, providing God the opportunity to breathe a new sense of freedom, love, and commitment into her husband’s heart. But she couldn’t let go and slowly lapsed back into her former pattern of accusing him and pleading with him to come home.

Eventually, her husband stopped coming by. He went days without returning calls and texts. Her broken heart lay in pieces as the relationship slowly ebbed away.

Doesn’t Have To Be This Way if You Want to Save Your Marriage

I hate these sad endings because I know there’s a better way. If you want to save your marriage, the answers lay in the hands of our loving Father. He has a plan for us. He knows where our path will lead. He knows our needs and the needs of our partners. And He can put it all together. But we have to trust Him. We have to lay it all at His feet. We need to surrender our spouses, our marriages, our circumstances, to Him and let Him take control. Then we need to step back, wait, and trust Him for His timing while staying tuned for His voice and following His lead when He tells us to act. While we wait, He will build us up and give us His strength so we are stronger than we were before, strong enough to handle whatever comes our way. Isaiah 40:31 assures us, “Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

There’s another story with a happier ending I invite you to read as well. A true story I posted on Heart Talk in the past . . . the story of Marta. If you want to see a story of success, a story where the woman took the right path, surrendered her marriage to God, and ended up restoring her marriage, Marta’s story is a story that will encourage you as you take steps to save your own marriage..

Yes, unfortunately, we need to acknowledge the fact that our marriages may not survive. We may not be able to save our marriage. Our spouses’ heart may not turn back. God allows them to have free will and make their own decisions. But when placing our situations in the hands of our loving Father, He will make all things new for us and give us a new beginning—either with our partner or by taking us down a new and equally fulfilling road that He prepares for us when we continue to follow His lead.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope ad a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

Next week: The Challenge of Letting Go

If you want to save your marriage, I encourage you to get my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. It will walk you step by step through the labyrinths of this difficult journey so you can find the happy ending you are looking for.

Filed Under: Divorce, Expectations, faith, Fear, Hope, How to win, Letting go, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, New Years, Reconciliation, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: divorce, faith, fear, Feeling lost, hope, marital reconciliation, marital separation, Marriage, marriage in crisis, New Directions, troubled marriage, what to do