Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart – Interview with Author, Julie K. Gillies

December 16, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When I asked Julie Gillies if she wanted to do an author interview on my blog, the title of her new book seemed tailor-made for 2020. Is there any time in history when more of us have had anxious hearts? All over the world, anxiety permeates our lives. The year 2020 has brought one anxious situation after another, and we are all reeling, not only with anxiety about today, but with questions about what will happen tomorrow.

Julie’s new book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, helps readers focus on God instead of our anxieties as she gently leads us to know God better, know the Scripture, and know how to pray. Here is a book that might not only be a good one for you to read yourself, but to give to friends and family as gifts this Christmas. 

Linda: Tell us why you wrote Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart?

Julie: While on my knees one evening praying specifically for a family member who struggles with anxiety, I wished for a book on anxiety and prayer I could offer them; something Scripture-based and simple so it would be encouraging but not overwhelming to read. That single thought flashed into an idea that eventually became the devotional, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart.

I had no idea it would release in the middle of arguably the most difficult year most of us have ever navigated. 2020 has spiked anxiety levels worldwide. Most of us have experienced fear, confusion, health concerns, and various degrees of isolation. Civil unrest, violence, bare grocery shelves, and even toilet paper shortages are realities few of us have navigated. And, of course, add to this the ongoing (or acute) relational, marriage, career, or personal issues we all cope with. Our hearts need peace now more than ever!

Linda: There are lots of devotional books available to readers, but tell us why your book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, can especially help people during troubling times.

Julie: I’m a huge fan of learning by doing, so this book provides actual prayers for the reader to pray. Those Who struggle with anxiety struggle to focus, and so these prayers keep the reader focused through simple yet powerful prayers. The devotional portion is brief yet meaningful and focuses on Scripture (which is what we all need more of right now). We don’t need more opinions, information, or ideas. We need more of God’s word in our hearts! It stabilizes us, and fills us with truth and peace.

Linda: Since Jesus promises peace, why do you think so many of us are so anxious?

Julie: Here in America, we Americans are accustomed to and expect certain levels of peace, comfort and security. We want tranquil, undisturbed, nearly perfect lives. Most of us are unused to the challenging events 2020 has brought. Plus, we’re not robots—we have emotions and struggle to find our equilibrium in hard times. Jesus knows this and offers us precious comfort and reassurance:

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] (John 16:33) (AMPC)

Jesus is saying life on this earth will be hard—no matter where we live. Reality check: we aren’t in eternity yet! We can still be confident and even undaunted, not because the world lines up in Utopian perfection, but because Jesus offers us His supernatural and perfect peace in the storm.

Linda: How can we trust that God really hears our prayers when bad things keep happening?

Julie: It’s disheartening and distressing when we pray and we don’t see the results we long for. It’s tempting to believe God doesn’t hear or care. But He always listens and always hears us (see John 11:42).

God is often more interested in developing godly character in us and helping us to develop perseverance and tenacity than in reducing our discomforts. He wants us to ask and keep on asking (Matthew 7:7). We can’t give up. We must continue to pray for peace, for our family, for those in authority and for our nation, because that’s what God wants. Ultimately we trust that God is sovereign and the response is in His hands.

Whatever we’re enduring personally, the Lord knows and cares about every detail. He sees our hurts. He understands our pain. Nothing escapes His notice! I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalm 31:7)

Lastly, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that God is in the fire with us (see Daniel 3). Life in 2020 has felt more uncomfortable and hotter than most of us have experienced, but our true comfort and our saving grace is that we are not in it alone. Just like He was with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, Jesus Himself is in the fire with us.

Linda: That’s an encouraging perspective. How do we shift from simply knowing God offers peace to actually living a less anxious life?

Julie: Our focus determines our peace level. It’s important to be aware because Jesus said to watch and pray, but it’s a divine balance. We want to pray effectively by being aware of the issues of our time, but we don’t want to be obsessed with those issues. So we want to be informed but not obsessed.  

To have rest in our souls we must protect our primary focus: we must read God’s Word more than we read social media or watch the news. Not in a head-in-the sand way but in a God, You are sovereign and holy and greater way. Ultimately our goal should be to pray and keep our hearts riveted on Jesus, because what we think about steers our hearts.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Julie: All of my books, including Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, are available wherever books are sold. To read the first chapter of each book for free (and for more FREE sources), I invite your readers to visit my website: www.JulieGillies.com

 

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The Paradox of Following God

October 22, 2020 by Leave a Comment

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Years ago in a ministry at church, I found myself at loggerheads with another woman working on the same project. Although we had similar objectives, we completely clashed in our methodology. I became discouraged and frustrated that she seemed so inflexible and unwilling to consider my point of view.

But sometime prior to this, my husband and I had been convicted that whenever we had problems with someone, we should begin praying for them. So grudgingly, I started praying for her.

A few weeks later . . . after we started praying for her, my husband and I were thrust into a social setting with her and her husband. As we spent time talking together, we found we had a lot in common . . . and we enjoyed them! Within about six months, they had become some of our best friends.

What was even more surprising is that when we applied this principle to other problem relationships as well, the outcome was similar. Again and again, when we had trouble with someone and prayed for them specifically, they ended up becoming especially good friends. It happened so often, in fact, that it became almost funny. Anytime we had problems with someone and prayed for them, we wondered if they’d end up becoming some of our best friends.

The Paradox

While our human logic often tells us to react according to fleshly inclinations, the paradox of following God is that when we do what God asks us to do, we find it’s His leading and His ways that produce the positive consequences we desire. Too often, however, we react in the flesh and, instead of seeking God, we take the opposite path and wind up with problems we could have avoided.

In a troublesome relationship, arguing, becoming aloof, or maneuvering our way around the situation seems a much more logical approach than praying for someone who annoys us, hurts us, angers us, or causes us problems.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, whose thoughts and ways are higher than ours, has a different way. And He wants us to come to Him to find out what it is. For when we do, we will discover that his paradox, although hard to understand, takes us into the more abundant life we’re looking for.

An Unexpected Response

In the story of Job, when everything in his life fell apart, friends allegedly came to comfort him. But instead they accused him, vilified him, doubted his integrity and caused him great grief.

During these exchanges with his friends, Job continually sought God to come and talk to him. When God did come and answer Job, God told Job to pray for these men who had been so unkind and tactless.

[The Lord] said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends . . . . My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”Job 42:7, 8b

At this declaration from God, I wonder if Job’s first inclination was to do a double take. “Huh? Me pray for them? After all their accusations in the midst of my suffering?”

But Job did what the Lord said to do. Job prayed for his friends.

“And the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.” Job 42:9

But not only did God “accept” Job’s prayer, God used Job’s praying for his friends to bless Job as well . . . in amazing ways.

“After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” Job 42:10

The Paradox of Job’s Prayer

Job’s prayers are what let his friends off the hook with God so He did not punish them. And after Job prayed for his friends, the Lord healed him and blessed him. But why didn’t God just forgive Job’s friends on His own if He wanted to do that and bless Job as He apparently wanted to do? Why put that responsibility on Job when he was hurting and had reason to resent his friends’ actions?

Because God was doing something that transcends our human understanding. In the spiritual realm, actions that seem paradoxical to our human flesh often bring about shifts in heavenly places. By praying for his friends, Job humbled himself to acknowledge that God’s understanding was far beyond his own and that surrendering to God’s unfathomable ways was the key to living a life pleasing to God.

This principle applies to some of the deeper and stickier issues of life as well.

In my ministry to people who are separated or in a martial crisis, one of the things I often encourage them to do is to completely focus on God and “let go” of their spouse. But I frequently get this question as a result. “Does letting go mean that I should stop praying for him/her?”

In my response I urge them to simply let go of the expectations that God will do what they want Him to do and just pray that God will bless their spouse with a new love for God and an enlightened and discerning heart. No strings attached.

It’s not what we want to do in the natural. Our flesh rails against the idea. We want the strings. But the humility of our obedience even though it turns our hearts inside out, reaches the heart of God. With our hearts softened and malleable to His touch, our hurts become a spiritual sacrifice that He uses to bless us and give us a transformed heart, mind, and life.

God’s paradox is our lifeline to His heart.

If your marriage needs to turn around, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, can take you in a new direction.

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New Every Morning

October 15, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Sunshine streamed through the bedroom window, bathing my bed in golden rays of light even before I opened my eyes.

Morning had come. It was a new day.

Even though I’d felt discouraged the day before, I had gone to bed that night by lifting the Lord up in praise, remembering that even in the darkness He could overcome. It’s certainly not something I did every time I felt disappointed and unhappy, but over the years I had learned there is power in praising God and remembering His goodness. And the worship service that morning had reminded me what a good God we have.

Now it was morning—a new opportunity to see prayers answered, a new opportunity to see hope rise up in the midst of ashes and disappointment.

Memories of a scripture, long ago remembered, drifted into my mind. Your compassions are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3)

Yes, it was a new morning, a new day.

“This is the day the Lord has made. I will be glad and rejoice in it,” says Psalm 118:24.

What a wonderful reminder that scripture is.

Morning is a gift to us, a new beginning. The sun comes out as a declaration of hope, claiming the promise of a new day.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail,” declares Lamentations 3:22-14. “They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “’The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’”

Every morning God gives us a new beginning. Even if sorrows from the day before hover above our spirits, the morning brings a new opportunity to release them to the Healer of hearts.

Every morning is a new opportunity to see prayers answered and a new opportunity to wipe our slates clean by coming to God and seeking forgiveness. Each morning is a new day to invite our Savior to journey with us through the hours in front of us, leading us one step at a time and opening our eyes to new possibilities. Each morning is a new opportunity to open up our Bibles to see what God is saying to us for THIS day. It’s a new opportunity to serve Him and a new opportunity to find God in unexpected places as we wait on Him throughout the day.

We may not see the answers come that day either. But guess what? When we lay our head on the pillow that night and go to sleep, a few hours later we will awaken to a new morning–a new gift from God. And His compassions are new every morning.

What is God saying to you about today? Forget about yesterday. That is over. And don’t worry about  tomorrow, or it will rob you of today. Today is yours right now, and it will never come again. Enjoy the gift God has given you – the gift of today. Watch and wait for what He is doing in your life in the coming hours. The morning brings new opportunities. Celebrate by praising Him, using the power of prayer He has given you, and by serving Him as you love those who come into your path throughout the day.

Enjoy your gift—your gift of morning. It’s a precious gift from God.

If your heart needs healing in the midst of marital trauma, you will find hope and a friend to walk beside you in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.

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Attitudes Matter

August 11, 2020 by 2 Comments

Photo by JE Shoots-com

It’s funny how sometimes the things I write are more about teaching myself something than teaching others. A recent blogpost I wrote has been swirling around in my mind over and over for several weeks: the one I wrote called, “A Waste of Time”—the one I wrote about our attitudes while waiting.

It came back and hit me hard a few weeks ago when I encountered a serious computer problem that I absolutely could not resolve.

I had written a newsletter to send out to those on my mailing list. I was leaving for vacation two days later and wanted to be sure to get it in the hands of those who looked to me for encouragement before I left. When I tried to send it out, however, I got an error message, saying I was sending spam.

Spam? Spam? My newsletter to encourage those in troubled marriages was spam?

I tried to send it again and again, checked the content to see if there was anything that could be considered objectionable, deleted a couple of phrases that talked about “your mind exploding during crisis” and another phrase that might be taken out of context by algorhythms scanning content. I tried sending it to different lists. I tried sending it to just myself. Nothing worked I continued to get an error message that it was spam.

Finally, I turned the computer off and left it for a couple of hours to give my system a little rest. When I turned it back on, my password was not recognized by the server and I couldn’t get back into my email.  It was past 5 o’clock by now so I had to wait until the next morning to call our phone company—the day I needed to prepare for our trip.

I was on the phone for two hours with the phone rep as she tried to resolve the problem and eventually had me choose a new password. When we tried again to send the newsletter, it still brought up the error message. She advised me to turn off my computer again, wait a couple of hours, and try later.

I did. The error message came up the same as before.

Having to prepare for our trip, I had no more time to call the company again.

As we left for our trip the following day, the newsletter remained in my outbox.

It was during this time I found myself thinking about the blog post I’d written a couple of weeks earlier about how God sometimes values the process more than our achieving our subsequent goal, and–even more pointedly–our need to check our attitudes when we have to “wait”, when the computer doesn’t work, etc.

In times past, computer problems rile my patience probably more than anything else I can think of.  But this time I thought about my blogpost. I realized that perhaps the message I wanted to send to my subscribers might not be as important to God as my attitude when I have to wait. Maybe God wanted to refine me some more and prune that impatience from my character. Instead of grumbling and complaining, I needed to pause and pray. I needed to trust God that He was working behind the scenes to accomplish His best purposes.

I didn’t want to leave my subscribers in the lurch. But neither did He. After all, God can take care of those on my newsletter list far better than I can. He knows their every need. He has promised to take care of them.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27).

My fretting and worrying about sending the newsletters wouldn’t help. But my prayers for those on my list would.  While we focus on the details of here and now, God has bigger plans for us and for those we love and those we want to help. Trusting Him, looking to Him, and praying will reap bigger benefits to ourselves and those around us than expressing our impatience and frustration in ways that do not honor Him.

****

“He does want to grow our character, and it’s a lifelong process.  Perhaps God’s purpose for allowing us to trudge through the process is reflected best in Paul’s instruction to the Philippians. “’Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:12-13).

Finally, 1 Peter 2:5, shares God’s ultimate purpose and design for these unwanted periods of “wasted time.” For those of us who are Christians, 1 Peter 2:5 says, ”’you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.’” From my earlier blog post on Heart Talk, June 25, 2020

When have you had to do an “attitude check?”  Join in the conversation and share your story.

 

Practical steps to healing your marriage — Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated available now.

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Surviving the Trial of Our Lives

July 2, 2020 by 2 Comments

God Sometimes Uses His Mysterious Ways to Bring a Marriage Together

Guest Post By Janet Holm McHenry

Photo by Josh Applegate

Every once in a while someone will ask, “What’s been your toughest trial?”

It all comes back quickly. Craig and I were sitting on a bench outside the courtroom when the jury started walking toward us to head back in after deliberations.

The disgusted, even angry looks on their faces as they saw us made me instantly ill.

Minutes later came the verdicts. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

A rancher, my husband was convicted of six felony counts of animal abuse relating to the deaths of six young calves that had wandered during a two-day blizzard in the Sierras in the winter of 2001.

We had thought the two-week trial was simply something we’d have to live through. However, from the get-go the judge seemed to have it out for my husband. He harassed every defense witness—even two cattle veterinarians and me.

When I was trying to testify that Craig brought newborn calves into our home to warm them during winter weather, the judge interrupted me: “Who are you, Virginia Woolf, that you go on and on?”

He also stopped evidence from being admitted, including auction records that showed my husband got top dollar for his animals.

The worst was when the judge would not allow our chief witness to testify—a UC Davis veterinary school professor considered the top beef expert west of the Rockies. He would have testified at trial that of the two animals necropsied, one had twenty pounds of feed in its stomach and the other, a high level of colostrum.

And so my husband was convicted, and we had to wait two months before the sentencing.  The wait was not easy for me. My heart would not stop racing, and I had to go on anti-depressants. I quit working my job as a high school English teacher several weeks before graduation.

I could not go out in public. The trial jury of our peers in our county of three thousand had slapped us in the face. One jury member was the business manager of our small school district. Another was a woman who had subbed for me in my classroom. And the jury foreman was the son of a woman with whom I had prayerwalked. I had walked and prayed for those people and my town. I could not face people.

I wasn’t so happy with my husband either. For years I had prayed for our marriage. We’d struggled so much that when Craig had a law office a decade earlier, I typed up my own petition for dissolution of marriage when I worked for him—just to see what it would look like. It didn’t look good, so I gutted it out. And while the convictions brought out a lot of the blame game on my part, I did my best to support him nonetheless.

On the day of the sentencing, we filled the courtroom with family and friends, including six pastors. The judge, seemingly alarmed with such support for Craig, gave him two years of probation and a fine that was the equivalent of a year of income for us. In the shadow that was our lives that was a bit of hopeful light.

After the sentencing hearing a large group of women surrounded me, and Craig’s friends surrounded him. I was stunned at people’s reactions.

One friend said, “I was so impressed with Craig’s faith—the quiet peace on his face.”

Another said, “He is a living testimony to the power of God!”

My mother said, “Craig could run for mayor and win!”

As they were speaking, I looked over at my husband, seemingly glowing with a calm and presence I’d never seen before. He truly was a testimony to the power of God, and a sense of love for him I’d never known before came over me.

Right then I knew that while we had just experienced the hell-on-earth trial of our lives, God had answered my prayers for my marriage through that awful experience.

For more than a year Craig and I worked together to write the appeal that he filed with the California Court of Appeals in Sacramento—documenting from the court transcript the more than two hundred prejudicial statements and actions from the judge.  And about two years after the original trial, the appeals court overturned the convictions.

When I told our story at a conference last year, an appeals attorney told me afterwards that in his career he’d only won one case—that’s how rare that happens.

Since that time God has blessed us with the best years of our married life. Craig has become outspoken about his faith, and I love him more than ever, proving the truth of my favorite verse, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Matthew 19:26).

 

Janet McHenry is a national speaker and the author of 24 books—six of those on prayer, including the bestselling PrayerWalk and her newest, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, in which she writes more about how Jesus’s prayers can help people through seemingly hopeless seasons. More information on her speaking and books can be found on her website: https://www.janetmchenry.com.

              

 

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Sometimes We Just Feel Weary

April 30, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller

Photo by Nik Shuliahin

Aren’t we all feeling weary? We’re wondering when will this COVID crisis end and we can resume our “new normal”? For most of us we are already thinking of the restaurant we’ll go to or what needs to be repaired. In all of this craziness we can be assured God hasn’t been blind or unhearing about our weariness and how we’re wondering how God fits into it all.

In fact, he comes straight out in the Bible and asks, “How have I wearied you?” Let’s look into the insights we can gain from that verse in Micah 6:3.

Even if we’re not weighed down by the Covid crisis, even when we are convinced God’s plan is His will for us, we still can feel weary. When the Israelites were complaining about God’s plan for them, He questioned them through the prophet Micah, “How have I wearied you?” (Micah 6:3 ESV).

We don’t know Micah’s tone of voice when he communicated God’s message to the people, but I wonder if he mimicked the people’s tone. If so, it would have been a whine.

When I, Kathy, grumble, I am like the Israelites in my complaint, God has done me wrong. I’m believing the lie God doesn’t know what He’s doing, and He will abandon me. He is giving me more than He is capable of empowering me to handle.

That was especially true when Larry’s mother, Audrey, lived with us. When it was clear Audrey could no longer live on her own, I felt dejected, knowing the only option was caring for her in our home. I sat on the patio, looking out at the setting sun. I felt like my life had just set. My life is gone. My life is ruined. I felt hopeless and helpless to battle against God’s will or believe He could help me win the battle. What will become of me?

My husband, Larry, also struggled with discontent. As time went along and his mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, which includes paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, he described feeling weary, as if he was being swallowed up by the endless needs of a demented woman who accused him of trying to kill her. Audrey ended up denying Larry was even her son.

We should have listened to what God says as he continues talking to the Israelites through Micah,

“For I brought you up from the land of Egypt

and redeemed you from the house of slavery,

and I sent before you Moses,

Aaron, and Miriam” (Micah 6:4).

He encourages them to remember all the times and ways He has provided for them in the past. And if He cared in the past, He would provide again and again and again.

Just as God had an answer for the complaining Israelites, Larry and I turned more and more to God’s answers and strength to combat our weariness. Day by day we remembered God’s faithful provision in the past when He healed our marriage and used our story to encourage others as we spoke at marriage retreats. We leaned on him asking for His power and guidance for Audrey’s care.

When we fell back into a weary whining, God’s words through Micah spoke to us, “How have I wearied you? Don’t I have the right to do anything I want with my servants—you? I’m empowering you and changing you. Trust me.”

We were humbled because we saw our complaints as what they really were: rebellion against the loving hand of God. God’s joy, freedom, and surrender were available to us. We could trust He was the same God who provided in the past and would strengthen us again and again. Plus, we discovered greater joy in each other as we united to serve a mentally ill woman.

After two-and-a-half years of living in our home, when Audrey joined Jesus in heaven, the Lord whispered in our hearts, “Well done, good and faithful servants.” He was the faithful one and deserved the credit, even to overcome our weary feelings.

Why do you think it’s difficult to remember God’s faithful past provision during a difficult challenge?

Think of a way God provided for you in the past which could encourage you in a current difficulty.

Faithful God, I praise you for your provision even though I am not faithful. Thank you for being willing to empower me by reminding me of the last time you provided more than I thought you could.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller have been married since 1970 and speak and write both separately and together. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature (from which this post has been adapted). Kathy and Larry are parents, grandparents, lay-counselors and live in Southern California. They have spoken internationally and nationally. www.KathyCollardMiller.com

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The Importance of Knowing How to Guard Your Heart

February 2, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When I walk with people through their times of brokenness, we often talk about Proverbs 4:23: “Guard your heart for the heart is the wellspring of life.” No one wants a broken heart, but life can be painful. Relationships can be painful. So how do we guard our hearts when trouble overwhelms us? What does this verse mean?

Sometimes to protect our hearts we bury them in superficial, mind numbing distractions or try to escape into worlds created by our own devices. We may build a crust around them so nothing can attack them or cause more hurt. We may think we are “guarding” our hearts by hardening them against the pain, against others who try to get close, and anything threatening to break open the outer shell of protection. Unfortunately, however, by taking these approaches, we may create a gateway for bitterness to grow, a bitterness that will eat away at our hearts and cause more havoc throughout our lives.

Other forces attack our hearts also—not just the pain of our circumstances. And these can be more subtle. When we go through a rough time in life, we are vulnerable to the noise of our culture—the pressures coming from society’s norms and values –and the opinions of other people. We hear them again and again. More and more, their answers begin to sound plausible and logical; they may seem the only way out. Our minds and hearts become clouded, and the whispers of God are unable to penetrate the noise and confusion of outside pressures. It feels easier to listen to those with the loudest voices and go with the culture around us.

Thankfully, when God cautions us to guard our hearts, He also tells us how to do it. In the verses directly before Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 4:20-22 instructs us how to guard our hearts. “My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.” Equally important, the end of Proverbs 4:23 tells us exactly why to guard our hearts.  “Guard your heart for the heart is the wellspring of life.”

When I picture the heart being the wellspring of life, I picture a spring of living water gushing up inside the heart, allowing God’s love, peace, and grace to overflow, washing through the person’s spirit and overflowing onto those around him. The heart is the way God connects with us. It’s the way He brings life to us.

Guarding your heart means pulling your heart away from the forces that have the potential to cause it harm, and trusting your heart to God. It means guarding your heart from the toxicities of the culture and the environment around you that would poison that beautiful life-giving wellspring of life coming from God. It means listening to God’s words to guard your heart from the arrows of Satan who would cause bitterness to grow and deceive you onto wrong paths. Instead of trusting your heart to the deceptive words and persuasions of those who might mislead or hurt you, scripture instructs you to guard your heart by putting it in the hands of the only One you can completely trust, and that is our loving and faithful Father God.

In Jeremiah, the prophet continually addressed a people who looked to the gods of other cultures, rather than the living God they’d known, to fulfill their needs and give them the pleasures they desired. God told Jeremiah to call out to them with the truth, to instruct them to listen to Him, but their hearts were stubborn, refusing to listen to God. They allowed the toxicity of the cultures around them to infect their hearts so they were no longer able to hear God and the things He wanted to tell them. As a result of their failure to “guard their hearts,” disaster came upon them.

When we “are still and know that He is God,” we can step out of the undercurrent of societal pressure and listen to God’s voice. What does He want us to do? Where does He want to lead us? Can we quiet our hearts long enough to hear? Are we allowing that spring of Living Water to bring His refreshing Spirit to wash through the clamor of confusion and stabs of pain so we can hear what He wants to say to us?

When we allow God’s Living Water to flow through our hearts, our hearts can remain soft and malleable to God’s touch. Sometimes that softening brings tears as we submit to the will of One whose ways are above our own, who takes us on paths that we can’t control or understand.  Our hearts are breaking; we are out of control; we no longer know what’s ahead. But when our hearts break in the stillness of God’s presence, Jesus pours His living water into the gaping holes to wash through the debris and residue from past hurts and disappointments to renew us. When our tears join with His Living Water, our souls can breathe in the life He wants to give us. We can walk the path He sets before us, unafraid of where it will lead because our eyes are on our Savior and Lord, our ears are tuned to His voice, and our hearts are alive with the wellspring of life.

* * *

If you are fighting for your marriage and need to know how to guard your heart in the process, check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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Filed Under: comfort, faith, God's Word, Grief, Knowing God, Letting go, loss, Marriage problems, Pain, Peace, Prayer, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Marriage Off Course, Interview with Authors Clint and Penny Bragg

November 6, 2019 by Leave a Comment

A marital separation can take a person down many different roads. The confusion and complexities often keep a separated spouse continually off balance and uncertain about what path to take or decision to make. It’s almost always a desert experience. Many of you have probably read my two books, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated and Broken Heart on Hold, but I want to introduce you to the authors of another book on separation that might offer new perspectives to help you on this difficult and unwanted journey.

Clint and Penny Bragg know about separation, but they also know about divorce. They were divorced for eleven years before they rediscovered each other and remarried. Knowing both the pain of divorce and the joy of a reconciled marriage, their new book, Marriage Off Course, Trusting God in the Desert of Unwanted Separation or Divorce, walks with readers through the desert of both separation and divorce to strengthen their faith and help them heal. The Braggs also provide insightful perspective into the mind of a prodigal wife and the husband who is left behind. For those of you men who want a book from the perspective of a husband whose wife has left, the Bragg’s book offers, among other things, a compassionate friend who understands what a man is going through when his wife has left.

Linda: Why did you write your latest book, Marriage Off Course: Trusting God in the Desert of Separation and Divorce?

Penny and Clint: The sorrow and grief of a broken marriage is a pain like no other. We know. We’ve been there. In the summer of 1991, our marriage blew into a billion tiny pieces. Yes, we were Christians. Yes, we were involved in a church. We even served in leadership positions. Still, we did not understand how to cultivate a Christ-based marriage, how to communicate, how to honor each other’s differences, and many other important aspects of having a healthy marriage. Little by little, a distance began forming between us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We tried counseling and meeting with our pastor. Nothing helped. Reconciliation seemed impossible. One balmy July evening, I (Penny) packed a few things in a suitcase, walked out our front door, and never looked back.

All hopes for a saved marriage were dashed. We divorced. Many years would pass.

Enter God. In a manner that can only be described as a modern-day miracle, after no contact for over a decade, God orchestrated our reconnection. Soon after, He reconciled our marriage. After we remarried and began seeking God together and putting Christ as the head of our marriage in every area, we knew that someday, we would reach out to those who were suffering the pain of a broken marriage. Marriage Off Course is our way of coming alongside others who are in need of hope, offering tangible ways to thrive in the desert season of a dying marriage. There is hope! There is help!

Linda: Tell me, Clint, when you and Penny separated and eventually divorced, what did you do to initially survive the heartbreak and hopelessness? What mistakes did you make?

Clint: Actually, I didn’t handle things well at all. At that time, there were no resources or other people I could talk to who understood what I was feeling. I also made several attempts to contact Penny even after she told me to stay away. I showed up at her apartment unannounced, as well as her workplace. In these ways, I was trying to “help” God by convincing Penny to come back. When all my attempts backfired, I slowly inched away from my relationship with God. Big mistake. That’s another reason we wrote Marriage Off Course: it contains very tangible do’s and don’ts. I hope that I can help others not to make the mistakes I made.

Bottom line: I turned my back on the only One who could heal my heart. To be honest, I was angry at God for not bringing Penny home, but I was afraid to admit that. As a result, my life continued to unravel for many years until I confessed my feelings of anger, asked God for forgiveness, and began seeking Him in every area of my life: spiritual, relationships, finances, health, home, profession, and my life dreams.

Looking back on it all now, I wish I would have focused on becoming more whole in Christ, instead of pulling away from Him. In chapter 7 of the book, we include several “timeline” exercises that will help you focus on using this time of brokenness in your marriage as the catalyst for becoming more whole. Perhaps that is part of God’s desire for you in all this.

 Linda: I’m glad you mentioned that chapter, Clint. It is one of my favorite parts of your book. It provides a great way to chart out the ups and downs in our lives so we can find healing from the past that we’re carrying into our present. But let me switch to your perspective, Penny, as the one who left the marriage. What would you say to those who are hoping their prodigal wife or husband will return?

Penny: Your spouse may act like everything is fine and they are moving along with their happy life, but deep down he/she knows that God is NOT in favor of their choice to walk away from the marriage. Don’t give up praying for him or her. In the book, we offer an entire chapter on various ways to use prayer as the power tool it was meant to be. More than a fight for your marriage, this is a fight for your own faith. Do you believe He is able to…?

It’s also important to remember that as you wait for your prayers to be answered, you are waiting on God, not your spouse or your circumstances. What you do with the “wait time” is essential to your spiritual and emotional survival. In chapters 3 and 6 of Marriage Off Course, we offer some very tangible ideas to help you grow closer to God as you wait on Him. As hard as it is to say, circumstances often get even more bleak during a separation before they get better. All the more reason to deepen your relationship with God. Knowing this now can help you faithfully endure the duration of the journey.

Linda: Some people in an unwanted separation or divorce find that as time passes, the people in their support system seem to burn out and give up. They know they can’t do this alone, but don’t know what to do. Do you have suggestions for them?

Clint and Penny: Over the years we have been helping spouses in crisis, we have heard this same heart-cry. That’s also one of the reasons we wrote this book to be a source of spiritual companionship. Receiving prayer from marriage advocates is critical, but sometimes scarce. Therefore, at the end of each chapter you will find a QR code to scan with your Smartphone or tablet and listen to a recorded prayer from us.

As seasons come and go, your support system may have to change. God doesn’t change, but people do. Stay involved and in fellowship with other believers. You may find that doing so provides you with new friends and prayer partners. Also, be willing to try new things, i.e. Christian workshops, classes, retreats, and worship gatherings. When prayer is offered at these types of events, take full advantage of the opportunity to receive it. Don’t isolate in your pain. Force yourself to stay connected in healthy life-giving relationships.

Linda: Throughout the book, you share bits and pieces of your story, but you also include the stories of others. Some of their marriages were reconciled, others were not. Why did you include both?

Penny and Clint: You aren’t the first person to ask us about that. When we were conducting interviews for the book, one divorced spouse asked us, “Why do you want to include my story? My marriage wasn’t saved.”

Every marriage can be reconciled, but not every marriage is reconciled. That’s a hard statement to make. But God is concerned with every individual heart of His children. You matter to God. Whatever the outcome, your story matters. Every detail in your story is held close to His heart. Your worth is not measured by the success of your marriage, or a lack thereof.

Linda: “You are known as “marriage missionaries.” Would you explain what that means, what you do, and where you go as missionaries?”

Clint and Penny: We have been serving as “marriage missionaries” since 2006. Each year, we embark on a number of mission trips across the United States. Basically, we load all our teaching materials and books in our van and drive to any church that invites us. During those trips, we also meet with spouses and couples in crisis who are on our route. We share our testimony of reconciliation, pray with spouses in need, teach workshops, and train marriage ministry teams and pastors. We’ve traveled overseas to several countries as well. As marriage missionaries, we raise all our own support so that there is no financial burden on churches or families.

Linda: “How can people find out more about your books and ministry or contact you if they want you to come to their area of the country?”

Penny and Clint: We LOVE being asked that question! We can be reached through our Inverse Ministries website at www.InverseMinistries.org. You can also access more information about our three marriage books, Marriage on the Mend, Your Marriage, God’s Mission, and Marriage Off Course on our website as well. We also offer a variety of free resources for spouses in crisis. Just email us at reconcile@inverseministries.org

 

If you’re going through a separation or divorce and wanting to reconcile your marriage, please feel free to ask Clint or Penny a question.

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Divorce, faith, Hope, Interviews, Marital separation, Marriage problems, marriage resources, mistakes, New Directions, Pain, Prayer, Reconciliation, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

When Dreams Aren’t Coming True

September 26, 2019 by Leave a Comment

One morning I sat on my screen porch praying and seeking God.  Discouragement hung heavy on my heart. One of my life dreams just didn’t seem to be coming true. Writing had been my passion since the sixth grade. I wrote for the school newspaper in junior and senior high. I majored in creative writing in college.  My desire to be a writer stuck with me continuously through life, even as various detours caused that dream to drop by the wayside again and again. Some of those detours were God driven, and I willingly followed His lead, using my passion for writing in each of those endeavors. Gradually, local opportunities surfaced.

When the bottom dropped out of my life through a heart-breaking three-year separation from my husband, God began to prepare my heart to go deeper into Himself and into the plans He had for me.

In the year 2000 after my husband and I reconciled, the doors opened for my writing. I published my first article in HomeLife, then Focus on the Family. I became a contributing writer for Tapestry, a Walk Thru the Bible devotional for women.  More significantly, through the heartache I had suffered during our separation, God planted seeds of healing and grace that resulted in my writing Broken Heart on Hold. Four years later, I received my first book contract for it. Through the trauma of heartache, my dreams were finally coming true.

But like so many of us I was satisfied for only a little while.  Eventually, I wanted more. The book proposals and drafts I wrote for two more books went nowhere. My agent faithfully persevered with me through one rejection after another. The rejections were kind: “She writes well,” “Great concept.” Etc.  But they were rejections, and I didn’t understand why God was not allowing me to publish other books that would lift up His name.

A New Revelation

That day on my screen porch as I prayed and spilled out my heart to God in disappointment, I asked God why, why had I not received the blessing I was seeking. As I prayed, a scripture came to mind  that had been hooked into a tab at the top of my bathroom mirror for years.

“If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask what you want and it will be given to you”   (John 15:7).

I had glanced at the scripture often. Abiding.  Abiding with God. Yes, that was something I desired and tried to do.

“I’ve done that, Lord,” I said aloud. “I have abided with you. Through all those painful times, I abided with you.  I pray all the time.  You know that, Lord.”

In the stillness of my heart God answered me. “But that’s only a part of the promise, Linda.  Yes, you’ve abided in me. But what’s the last part? And my words abide in you.”  Have my words abided in you?”

My mind immediately skipped back to a Beth Moore Bible Study I had recently completed and a story she had told in her Breaking Free video where she told about a woman to whom God abruptly and forcefully spoke an admonition into her heart and mind saying, “Get in my Word!”

Those words resonated with me now too. God’s voice came through loud and clear in the recesses of my mind. I suddenly saw what was lacking: it was not only my knowledge of scripture, but my time reading His Word.  I was not consistent with daily Bible reading.  Oh, I had read through the New Testament a few times, but only once had I read all the way through the Old Testament. And I knew they are oh so connected!

So it came as a shock to me when I realized that although I had gazed upon that scripture on my mirror for years, I had missed an important part of it.

Abiding

Acting upon my new revelation, I got in God’s Word. I began spending time in the scriptures each day. I meditated on the verses I read.  I enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship, a wonderful, in depth study that digs down into God’s Word and plants His truths deep into the hearts of participants.  Although God’s Word had been alive to me before, through time in more intensive Bible Study and meditation, the scriptures themselves began to live in my heart and mind so I could begin to pull them up when I needed God’s wisdom.

As time continued to unfold, I saw that God was teaching me an important lesson about our dreams coming true. When we expect God to grant our desires, but our dreams aren’t coming true,  we may be missing something God wants to show us. In fact, He may have plans for us that are bigger than ours. His purposes for us may reach higher than our own limited vision allows, and we are not yet ready to receive them. That is what I saw happen to me and my writing.

This year, when I published my third book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I saw God’s hand in it at every level. A few weeks ago, when it won the Golden Scroll Non-fiction Book of the Year Award from AWSA, an association of distinguished Christian authors, I praised God that His ways are perfect and so much better than mine. He knew the plans He had for me. He knew the book He wanted me to write and publish that could bless people’s lives, families, and marriages in important and transformational ways. His plans were bigger than mine, and as I grasped hold of what God wanted to teach me, He allowed my dreams to come true in ways that surpassed my expectations.

He has plans for you too. If your dreams aren’t coming true, you may not be able to see what God is doing right now, but perhaps you too need to hunker down in His Word and let it come alive in your heart so you can see His bigger purposes unfold in your life.

What dreams do you have that aren’t coming true? What do you feel God saying to you about this right now? I love to see your comments.

If you are struggling through a difficult time in your marriage, please check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Desire, disappointment, Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, God's Word, Prayer, Trusting God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

When You Need a 911 Prayer Line

July 24, 2019 by 1 Comment

Jason Leung

A few years ago, when Hurricane Matthew was bearing down upon our home in Florida, my daughter in California texted me the entire passage of Psalm 91, a comforting Psalm about God’s protection.

A year later, when fires raged not far from her California home, I texted her that same Psalm to reassure her that God was watching over her.

Psalm 91 became our go-to scripture whenever we needed peace to face frightening circumstances.

Months later while we were again dealing with a worrisome situation, my daughter pointed out an amazing fact about this powerful scripture.

When we read or pray over Psalm 91, we are dialing 911 to God. Psalm 91:1 and the verses that follow bring on God’s rescue team whenever we’re afraid. They are full of His promises. And when we are fearful, these words not only comfort our hearts, but cover us with God’s loving protection so He can shield us from harm. Psalm 91:1 begins:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday” (Psalm 91:1-6).

Life can be scary at times. Recently our world has been besieged with hurricanes, fires, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, and even a volcanic eruption. But frequently the fear is more personal. It may be a life-threatening physical ailment, a relationship breakdown like a separation or impending divorce, financial hardship, or mental or emotional stress from the many pressures we face.

Just as we dial 911 to bring the ambulance to our doorstep, when we call out to God, we summon His angels to our rescue. And just as we need to trust the paramedics to skillfully handle our situation and treat our wounds, so we must trust our heavenly Father to take command of our circumstances. Then His peace will quiet our hearts and assure us that He is in control.

Verse 10 of Psalm 91 continues with, “If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the Lord, who is my refuge—then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;” (Psalm 91:10-11).

When we ask God to abide with us as our Lord and Savior, our 911 emergency prayer mode can kick in more naturally to provide sure and lasting protection when danger threatens.  For when we ask Him to take a permanent role in our lives, He walks with us through our troubles.  We need only to call on Him to bring Him to our rescue. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him” (Psalm 91: 14-15).

Whenever you feel overwhelmed with fear, call God’s 911 hotline by turning to Psalm 91:1 and the verses that follow. His promises will calm your heart and remind you that you have a mighty God who loves you and watches over you. All you have to do is call on His name.

 

If you are struggling through a difficult time in your marriage, please check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated

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Filed Under: comfort, Danger, Fear, loss, Peace, Prayer, stress, Trusting God, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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