Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss: An Interview with Author Kim Erickson

November 11, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Losing a child may be one of the most intensely painful experiences a person can endure. No one should have to bury their own child. Sadly, for those parents who do experience this, the sorrow can last for many years. In her book, Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss, author Kim Erickson gives parents a lifeline to hope as she shares her own story of the loss of her three-year-old son and the path to surviving the sorrow of a lifetime and learning to live again.

Linda: Please tell us why you wrote Surviving Sorrow.

Kim: In April 2008, I was just cruising through my life, thinking that I had everything I needed. I had a great job, a husband I was crazy about, and two beautiful young boys. Austin was 3 and Ethan was 15 months. I did not, however, have everything I needed.

I did not have God in my life. I did not have a relationship with Jesus. When I got the call that the ambulance was at our house for Austin, who had been sick for a few days with strep throat, I didn’t even think to pray. I got the call that is every parent’s nightmare and my mind didn’t even consider God – that’s how far away from God I was back in April 2008.

While I was far from God in my mind and heart, God was not far from me. He did something miraculous that day. No, He didn’t heal Austin. He took Austin to heaven, but God did allow me a moment to truly feel His presence, to fully understand that He is real, and know that Heaven is waiting. In that single moment as Austin left this earth for heaven, God changed me. He grabbed my heart and filled it with peace, hope, love, and joy. I hung my humbled head and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior just two days later.

Surviving Sorrow is my offer of sacrifice to God for His never-ending lovingkindness for us, for the world. It is my deepest desire to help others experience God in the middle of their deepest sorrow, like I did. I’m praying Surviving Sorrow helps them draw close to God in their darkest hour.  

Linda: Who would benefit from this book?

Kim: Although I wrote this book for mothers who’ve lost a child, I’m finding out that others are benefiting from Surviving Sorrow. Many times, friends are picking up this book to help them understand how to help someone who has lost a child. They are reading it first, then giving it to a mom who has lost a child. Also, people with other losses (like husbands, nieces, cousins, friends, etc.) have been telling me that Surviving Sorrow helped them draw closer to God through a difficult loss of someone they loved. It’s really humbling to see God use this book in so many different ways.

Linda: There are lots of books about grief and the grieving process. How is Surviving Sorrow different?

Kim: There are a lot of fantastic books about grief and grieving the loss of a child, and I have read many of them. I like to say that Surviving Sorrow is not a book about grieving. It’s a book about living. The focus is not on the grieving process, but rather on how to pick yourself up off the floor and try your best to carry on with life. When our son died, I needed some help with the practical aspects of living without our son. What do I say when a stranger asks how many kids I have? How do I get through the grocery store without a meltdown? What do I do with my child’s things? How will I make it through the holidays? Help!

So, each chapter deals with an issue that comes up while you live with your loss. There are practical ideas listed for each segment. There are “Survival Steps” (how do I keep living?) and “Spiritual Steps” (how do I relate to God now?) for each chapter.

Linda: We’ve heard that it is difficult for a marriage to survive the loss of a child – even that most marriages don’t make it through such a tragedy. Is that true?

Kim: I’m so glad you asked this question! It’s NOT true. In fact, the divorce rate among couples who’ve suffered the loss of a child is lower than the national average. People think it (and often say it out loud!), but it’s simply not true. That being said, it’s definitely not easy on your marriage to go through something like child loss. Like a lot of things you encounter as a couple, the stress of grieving can cause interactions with your spouse to be magnified in some way. What didn’t bother you before, might bother you now and vice versa. Emotions are running on high, so marriages can be strained. But, there is no need to give in to a hopeless feeling. Now is the time to fight for your marriage!

Linda: What do you think is the most important thing for couples to keep in mind as they navigate their marriage through a tragedy or difficult season?

Kim: Treat each other gently. I think it’s really important to remember that you both are experiencing this difficult thing. No matter if the difficulty relates more to one of you than the other. As a married couple, if something is tragic in one of your lives, both of you are experiencing it. If the tough circumstance involves your child or children, then it’s double the trouble because you both are so close to the problem and you likely can’t see straight. You must step back from yourself and remember that your spouse is hurting, too. It bears repeating: treat each other gently.

Linda: What advice do you have for readers who may not be suffering through child loss, but are facing a different kind of tragedy within their family?

Kim: Try to give each other space. Space to let out emotions. Space to just “be.” Be compassionate about how the other people in your family need to process this difficult season. We all handle things differently, and we need to be able to respect that about our loved ones. Allow your spouse or your loved ones the time to do some individual processing. You’ll be surprised to see how much better you will all do together if you each get some time to express yourself in whatever way is best for each person.

Linda: The tagline for Heart Talk is “Finding Hope in Unexpected Places.” Have you and your husband been able to find hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child?

Kim: Believe it or not, yes! The only way, however, is with God’s help. It’s still overwhelming to me how much the Almighty God is willing to hold, sit next to, take a temper tantrum, or wipe my tears. If you lean into Him, He will wrap you in His arms and comfort you. My hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child is in an eternity that has no more death, no more pain, no more tears.

Linda: Your ministry focus is helping women find outrageous joy through a deeper relationship with God. Can you explain what that means to you?

Kim: I spent most of my life rejecting the idea that Jesus Christ was my Savior and Lord. I had a good life by the world’s standards, but I didn’t have the inner peace and amazing joy I have now. A relationship with Jesus is the answer to whatever you are seeking. The result of a relationship with Jesus is outrageous joy, no matter what happens in your life.

Linda: How can people find your book and connect with you?

Kim: I’d love to connect on Facebook (Kim Erickson, Author) or Instagram (@kimerickson8). They can find more information and free resources on my website: www.kimAerickson.com. Surviving Sorrow can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Moody Publishers. I look forward to meeting some of your readers!

Share
Filed Under: Children, comfort, Death, faith, Grief, Interviews, Letting go, loss, Marriage problems, Peace, Problems, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Your Layoff Can Be a Gift in Disguise

May 28, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post By Mary Aucoin Kaarto

Photo by Tim Mossholder

“Who knows? Maybe this layoff will be one of the best things that ever happened to you!” chirped a much-younger, child-free co-worker of mine, upon learning I had just been laid off.

With my finances falling apart after the layoff, I found her response offensive

While I’m sure she meant well, little did I know just how prophetic her words would become years later. Ever since my book, HELP for the LAID OFF was published, my own personal two-year layoffs as a single mom and the blessings that followed them have allowed me the privilege of listening to and trying to comfort many people who lost their jobs. What has been especially rewarding is when readers follow up with me – even years, later – to let me know where they landed (so to speak), and how. I can’t count the number of times people have told me they were grateful for their layoffs, which allowed them to go back to school, decide to go into business for themselves, spend more time with their kids, etc. Many of them, like me, decided to believe God when He said He had a good plan for their lives.

My first layoff occurred in the early 1990s and the second, began in 2002. Suffice it to say that while I have some experience in terms of the hardships that follow, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult a layoff must be in the midst of this unexpected pandemic. But what I do know, God is still the same: yesterday, today and forever.

The same God that formed you in the womb, gifted you with unique skills and abilities, raised Jesus from the dead, parted the Red Sea, gave sight to the blind and yes – allowed you to lose your job – is the same God who I know will provide for, comfort, strengthen, teach and guide you into a blessed and beautiful future. Because we know God plays no favorites, what He did for me, He will do for those who follow where He leads. Even when they can’t see where He’s taking them, how long it will take to get there, or why.

If you’ve been laid off, I know you may be frightened.  Because of my own two layoffs, I can  understand and empathize. But I want to share one of the many incredible true stories of what I experienced during and after my first layoff, believing it will both encourage you and give you hope. I will share some practical tips I learned as well at the conclusion.

My Story

For almost 20 years while raising my daughter as a single mom and working as an administrative assistant, my dream career was to travel and write for a living—in spite of not having a degree. Shortly before I experienced my first two-year layoff, I decided if I did not do something to try making a career change, God certainly was not going to.

So, I did.

As crazy as it sounds, I called an editor from the Houston Chronicle, introduced myself and pitched her an idea for a story. Layoffs can make a girl do crazy things. Much to my surprise, even after learning I had never been published, she gave me the chance. Even more shocking, she decided to publish it the following week. She gave me a second assignment soon afterward, and a 10+ year working relationship began.

Also, during this layoff and after having received many additional writing assignments, I began contacting local magazines to see if I could find work. Much to my surprise, doors were opened. I began writing about subjects I knew nothing about, shaking in my britches in fear.

Although I was pleased to receive some assignments every month or two, it still wasn’t enough to live on, but it encouraged me to pursue my writing dream.

After about one year, God led me to approach oil and gas magazines. Do you have any idea just how crazy THIS was? The only thing I knew about oil and gas was that you needed them in order to drive a car.

So, I did.

One day I was able to get an editor of one on the phone, so I introduced myself, explained the purpose of my call, and we ended up chatting a blue streak for well over an hour. Jim (not his real name) was just the nicest guy on the planet.

“You have been such a delight to talk to. I am sorry that the company does not hire freelancers, but I would enjoy reading your work. Send me your resume and some of your clips,” he said.

So, I did.

Shortly after this, I received a long-term contract position for an engineering company through a temporary employment agency, which, of course, had no benefits. Even though I realized this temporary job could end at any time, I strongly sensed God challenging me to step out in faith to rent a much more expensive apartment. I felt I had lost my mind that hot day in July as this new apartment increased my rent by $300 month.

I continued to look for a “real” job. A job with a good salary, health insurance, a 401K plan, paid sick leave and paid vacation. Editorial positions are few and far between, even and especially in Houston. Finally, one day, an ad appeared for a full-time editorial position, and I applied for it.

Who knew the publisher himself would call me for an interview? And that one of the editors was the same guy I talked to the year before when I was scouting for freelance assignments? Or, that I would actually receive a job offer? Without having a college degree, no formal training, no mentor and no foot in the door? #withGodallthingsarepossible

Helpful Tips for Navigating the Financial Pain

But what are some practical strategies you can try now to help your financial situation? Some of the ways I learned to make ends meet are as followed:

  1. Bartering for services. A few examples included babysitting my hairdresser’s infant son in exchange for her styling my hair before job interviews;
  2. Taking my friend’s elderly mom to physical therapy appointments three times per week for several months, in exchange for her paying my utility bills; and
  3. Writing an article about my orthopedic surgeon’s practice in exchange for him examining and treating my knee after I fell 16 feet off a ladder.

A layoff is a perfect time to try the unthinkable, with faith as small as a mustard seed, and let God show you what He is capable of when you decide to follow Him.

Who knows – your layoff may be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

For there is no partiality with God. —Romans 2:11

Read more helpful tips for navigating a layoff in Mary’s previous author interview on Heart Talk for her book, Hope for the Laid Off

Mary Aucoin Kaarto is a retired award-winning editor and author of a series of books written specifically for those who are between jobs. Her new book, PRAYERS for the LAID OFF, has just been released. You can read about her first two books, Help for the Laid Off, and Hope for the Laid Off, in her previous Heart Talk interview. She has been featured on TV, radio and in numerous publications. For more information about Mary or her other books, please visit at https://marykaarto.com. Mary invites you to follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @marykaarto.

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, disappointment, faith, Fear, Finances, Hope, How to win, loss, stress, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, Interview with Author Rebecca Carpenter

May 7, 2020 by Leave a Comment

As I begin this interview with author Rebecca Carpenter, over 68,000 people are reported to have died from Covid 19 in the United States and over 259,000 throughout the world. The subject of dying is not far from our minds. But for some of us the subject is far too personal. Loved ones have died, and whether or not they died from Covid 19 or another cause, they have been taken from us. We grieve for them.

When Rebecca Carpenter’s husband died six years ago, she grieved also, but in the midst of her grief God brought a comfort to her she didn’t expect. Her book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, has brought comfort and solace to many, and I pray it can also comfort some of you who have lost loved ones.

Linda: Rebecca, what prompted you to write a book on grief?  

Rebecca: I certainly didn’t plan to write a book about grief. For years, I wrote devotionals about nature and articles for my church, magazines, and anthologies. Sometimes I sent emails of my work and printed out stories for friends. When people commented that they enjoyed reading my writings, my son set up a blog for me.

After I retired, I spent hours on my patio watching wildlife and getting ideas for my devotionals. My husband Alan and I traveled around the world so I also wrote about our trips. He constantly encouraged me to write. My parents often told me how much they liked what I wrote.

Difficult situations changed my life. Mother’s health deteriorated. Leukemia, diabetes, and other health issues curtailed her normally active life.

Not long after that, Alan learned he had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. For a while his symptoms were mild. But they increased and our traveling stopped. Even normal daily activities wore him out. Except for doctor visits, he stayed home.

While I dealt with both of them, my dad’s health also declined. For years, he fought to regain strength after heart surgeries, knee surgeries, cancer and multiple other health problems. But when constantly visiting my mom in the nursing home, he had multiple strokes and never fully recovered from the major ones.

My life consisted of caring for Alan and taking care of financial and health matters for my parents. Stress joined me every day. Writing provided a release for my pain and grief at knowing I was losing them.

Within eleven months, all three passed away. Writing every day helped me deal with my losses. When I shared my writings, friends told me to put my devotionals into a book.

At first I resisted because writing a book seemed overwhelming.  But over and over, I heard I should do it. Finally, I felt God telling me the book would help others who were grieving. Only then did I realize I had to do it and God would help me.

Since Alan, mom and dad had encouraged me to write, I felt a book on grief would be a tribute to them.

Linda: Why did you choose the title Ambushed by Glory in My Grief? 

When I was mourning the loss of my husband, my mom, and my dad, God often showed up in wonderful but unexpected ways. 

At times, I felt foggy and unfocused. Just when I thought I was handling grief well, a memory, song or situation threw me back into sadness and tears. It helped just to discover my feelings were normal, which I learned by attending Griefshare, a Christian support group for people who are grieving. At Griefshare, I learned grief ambushed me.

When I shared my writings and my need for a title in my writers critique group at Word Weavers International, one of my fellow writers suggested this title. It was perfect.

Linda: Does your book cover represent anything special?

Rebecca: Yes, it does. With God ambushing me over and over with surprises of His glory, I wanted to show light with the darkness. I used a picture of sunrise over my lake.

The lake calms me and constantly provides beauty and lessons from His creation. Sunrises, eagles in the trees, ducks on the lake, flowers of all kinds are a few examples. I feel blessed every time I look out over the lake and know God is with me through all kinds of circumstances. I wanted my book to show that even in dark times, Jesus shows up as the Light.

Linda: How did Alan’s illness affect your marriage?

Rebecca: We had only been married three years when he received his diagnosis. However, we dated for seven years before our marriage, which was the year we both retired.

Because we both had been single for a long time, we didn’t jump into marriage again quickly. I had been single for sixteen years and he was single for twenty-six. When we finally married, we looked at things differently than we would have as youngsters. Although both of us had our own ideas of how to do things, a sense of humor helped prevent major struggles.

We enjoyed working together, traveling and going on mission trips. He always looked out for me and took care of chores I had been used to doing myself as a single parent. I felt pampered. I loved doing things for him too.

After our last mission trip, he felt worse. When we visited his doctor, Alan shocked me by asking the doctor how long he had to live. Although I knew he was more fatigued, I didn’t want to admit the terminal disease was taking his life. Our time together was supposed to be much longer.

The doctor said, “Six months.”

I could hardly breathe. Somehow, I made it to the car and picked Alan up from a wheelchair in front of the building. I had become his caregiver. No longer could he take care of me like I was used to. I hated the role reversal and so did he.

When we got home, he called hospice and they came out that day. He began his journey of dying with a purpose. On a legal sized paper, he wrote a long list of items to accomplish for his limited time. Most of what he wrote benefited me. He wanted to make life easier for me before he died and after he was gone.

Every day, I think of how much he loved me and showed it by using his limited energy for tasks like making phone calls to insurance companies, buying a new car and bike for me, and giving away some of his clothes.

There was sadness during his final months, but our love for each other pushed it to the side. We wanted to make the most of every day. We didn’t argue or complain but enjoyed being together.

Unfortunately, the doctor was wrong. Alan only lived two months longer and not six.

Linda: It sounds like Alan did indeed take care of you, even in those months before he died. Since that time, how has publishing your book changed your life?

Rebecca: Frequently, I hear from people who have read my book and have been encouraged. There is a ripple effect as they give my book to others who are grieving. People open up to me in their pain because they know I understand.

I feel compassion in a new way for those with losses. My heart hurts for them. Because I have been comforted, I can do the same for them. I ask God each day to show me who I can help and frequently, it is someone who is grieving.

Linda: Have you finished grieving after six years?

Rebecca: No. However, the grief is less intense and more like an ache instead of a sharp pain. Ambushes still occur but less frequently. Last year on Alan’s birthday, I cried easily for two days. The year before I didn’t cry at all. I have learned grief is unpredictable but so are the wonderful ambushes of God. He has been with me through the entire process and enables me to reach out to others who are grieving.

Linda: Where can people find your book, Ambushed by Glory in My Grief, and how can they find your blog?

Rebecca: People can find my book on Amazon in both print and kindle formats and also in some local Christian bookstores. I’d love to have people visit me on my blog at http://rebeccacarpenter.blogspot.com

 

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Death, faith, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, Lonliness, loss, New Directions, Peace, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes We Just Feel Weary

April 30, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller

Photo by Nik Shuliahin

Aren’t we all feeling weary? We’re wondering when will this COVID crisis end and we can resume our “new normal”? For most of us we are already thinking of the restaurant we’ll go to or what needs to be repaired. In all of this craziness we can be assured God hasn’t been blind or unhearing about our weariness and how we’re wondering how God fits into it all.

In fact, he comes straight out in the Bible and asks, “How have I wearied you?” Let’s look into the insights we can gain from that verse in Micah 6:3.

Even if we’re not weighed down by the Covid crisis, even when we are convinced God’s plan is His will for us, we still can feel weary. When the Israelites were complaining about God’s plan for them, He questioned them through the prophet Micah, “How have I wearied you?” (Micah 6:3 ESV).

We don’t know Micah’s tone of voice when he communicated God’s message to the people, but I wonder if he mimicked the people’s tone. If so, it would have been a whine.

When I, Kathy, grumble, I am like the Israelites in my complaint, God has done me wrong. I’m believing the lie God doesn’t know what He’s doing, and He will abandon me. He is giving me more than He is capable of empowering me to handle.

That was especially true when Larry’s mother, Audrey, lived with us. When it was clear Audrey could no longer live on her own, I felt dejected, knowing the only option was caring for her in our home. I sat on the patio, looking out at the setting sun. I felt like my life had just set. My life is gone. My life is ruined. I felt hopeless and helpless to battle against God’s will or believe He could help me win the battle. What will become of me?

My husband, Larry, also struggled with discontent. As time went along and his mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, which includes paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, he described feeling weary, as if he was being swallowed up by the endless needs of a demented woman who accused him of trying to kill her. Audrey ended up denying Larry was even her son.

We should have listened to what God says as he continues talking to the Israelites through Micah,

“For I brought you up from the land of Egypt

and redeemed you from the house of slavery,

and I sent before you Moses,

Aaron, and Miriam” (Micah 6:4).

He encourages them to remember all the times and ways He has provided for them in the past. And if He cared in the past, He would provide again and again and again.

Just as God had an answer for the complaining Israelites, Larry and I turned more and more to God’s answers and strength to combat our weariness. Day by day we remembered God’s faithful provision in the past when He healed our marriage and used our story to encourage others as we spoke at marriage retreats. We leaned on him asking for His power and guidance for Audrey’s care.

When we fell back into a weary whining, God’s words through Micah spoke to us, “How have I wearied you? Don’t I have the right to do anything I want with my servants—you? I’m empowering you and changing you. Trust me.”

We were humbled because we saw our complaints as what they really were: rebellion against the loving hand of God. God’s joy, freedom, and surrender were available to us. We could trust He was the same God who provided in the past and would strengthen us again and again. Plus, we discovered greater joy in each other as we united to serve a mentally ill woman.

After two-and-a-half years of living in our home, when Audrey joined Jesus in heaven, the Lord whispered in our hearts, “Well done, good and faithful servants.” He was the faithful one and deserved the credit, even to overcome our weary feelings.

Why do you think it’s difficult to remember God’s faithful past provision during a difficult challenge?

Think of a way God provided for you in the past which could encourage you in a current difficulty.

Faithful God, I praise you for your provision even though I am not faithful. Thank you for being willing to empower me by reminding me of the last time you provided more than I thought you could.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller have been married since 1970 and speak and write both separately and together. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature (from which this post has been adapted). Kathy and Larry are parents, grandparents, lay-counselors and live in Southern California. They have spoken internationally and nationally. www.KathyCollardMiller.com

Share
Filed Under: Depression, disappointment, Mother-in-law/daughter-in-law, Prayer, Prodigals, stress, Trusting God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Where is God?, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Crying Out to God in Distress

April 23, 2020 by 2 Comments

Photo by Ben White

Often as an author, when I get e-mails from readers, I hear stories of devastation, where not only a person’s marriage is in shambles, but a child is rebelling, a house is in foreclosure, jobs have been lost, a mother is dying, and more.  Crisis seems to come in clusters.  One misfortune would certainly be enough for any person to handle, yet many times catastrophe piles on top of calamity until a person can scarcely breathe—crushed beneath the weight of disaster.

Some of you may feel like this now. In the middle of this pandemic, sickness threatens in every corner of the globe bringing fear about everything you touch. But even if you’re able to keep that monster at bay, your finances may be drying up; debtors call on the phone and you try to decide between paying a bill and buying food. In addition, perhaps in an already stressed family situation your brain has begun to feel like it’s about to explode in the close quarters of your living space.

The fear and anxiety is mounting to an unprecedented level, and you simply don’t know where to turn.

Psalms 107 recites story after story of people in dire distress who came to the end of their rope. Some were wanderers with no place to live and nothing to eat and drink, some were in prison, some were suffering addictive behavior, some traveled on the seas in ships during a tempest. And in each situation, they came to the end of their ropes when they saw no hope. But when they came to this point, The Bible says, “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.”  Psalm 107:6

They couldn’t stand it any longer, and they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. I’ve been there. I’ve felt like that. I can feel that cry! Can’t you? A cry that comes from deep within the soul. A cry that says I can’t do this anymore. A cry of desperation. A cry of deep pain.

Just as in those emails I get, you may be in this place too. With the world collapsing around you, you may be crying out to God for answers.

Why does this happen though?  Why does a loving God allow the problems to accumulate, hit all at the same time, and the pain to grow until we feel utterly helpless to deal with what is happening in our lives?  Has He no mercy?  When is enough enough?

C.S. Lewis in his book, The Problem of Pain, says, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.  It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Often it is only when we are suffocating beneath the load of crisis that we truly come to a place where we cry out to Him and are willing to surrender our wrestling wills to Him. After one attack occurs, we may be in the process of looking for help. We think about praying. Maybe we do. Maybe we bow our heads in prayer and ask God to solve the dilemma. But when the problems begin to pile up, we feel paralyzed.  There is nowhere to turn. God becomes our only hope.  Even then we doubt and wonder, and only by God’s grace do we hold on.

It’s hard, but we have no place else to go. Our hearts melt in helplessness, and we hold onto God.

As our dependence on Him grows, roots begin to take hold in the soil of our souls.  We go deeper.  What began as only a temporary surrender, stays longer. Our characteristic tendency to recover quickly and then forget the God who brought us out of calamity dissipates as He keeps us longer in our place of dependence and strengthens our weak knees. When we have finally recovered, we will stand with confidence and new resilience and be transformed into more of what God called us to become.

And perhaps we will be ready to listen to what He wants to say to us. Perhaps we will hear His voice when he attempts to steer us in new directions. Perhaps we will be more willing to look into ourselves to see what changes He might want us to make.

There’s no more wonderful feeling than knowing God has heard your cry and delivered you from your distress. The hard part is coming to that place of surrender when you truly “cry out” to the Lord instead of stewing in the trouble.

Remember, what Satan means for your destruction, God means for your good.  Remember to call on His name! And stay with Him. Wait on Him. Wait to see the deliverance of your God.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted is available now.

Share
Filed Under: Depression, disappointment, Doubt, faith, Fear, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, How to win, Letting go, loss, Problems, stress, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Living in Lockdown

April 16, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Life is crazy and unpredictable right now. The world feels like it has turned upside down. Most of us are in lockdown and can’t leave the house. We can’t go to work. Students have to do “school” from home. We can’t even work off steam by going to the gym. We may be scrambling for food and other items we need – toilet paper anyone?

But sometimes when we feel completely out of control, God has the best opportunity to do some of His greatest work. Our own agenda and our own self-will often blocks what God wants to do. In our busy schedules, we put off time seeking God and push forward trying to do what “we” know is best . . . whatever that is.

So what does God want to do in our lives in the midst of this lockdown?

In my book, Broken Heart on Hold, I talk about taking a coffee break with God when times of marital chaos interrupt our life. Perhaps what’s happening all over our country now gives us another opportunity to take a coffee break with God .

Where is God leading you right now?

If you have extra time during this lockdown, take a day with God. Spend quality time with Him in His Word. Ask Him to shine a light on the path ahead where He will guide you to encounter His very best.

Start your day by praising Him, remembering the blessings He has given you in the past. “The Lord inhabits the praises of His people” (Psalm 22:3). When we praise God, we invite Him to participate in our lives, to enlarge our vision, to give us hope when hope seems far away from everything we see. And as our heart begins to open to His Word, we will see new things He wants to teach us; we will feel His presence; we will find prayers on our lips for those around us who need His touch. A time that seems enveloped in darkness can be illuminated by the light of God’s truth when we open our hearts completely to His leading.

Where is God leading you this week? How is He speaking to your heart?

Use this strange time of solitude and lockdown to find the answer to that question. Sit down with your Bible and a journal and write down what you believe God is speaking to you. Listen to praise music. Invite Him into your presence. Meditate on His Word. Maybe find a new Christian book to read. If you want suggestions, you can scroll through past author interviews I’ve done on my blog to find a book that meets a need.

God may unwrap new mysteries to you as He sheds light on your journey ahead and the path He wants you to follow.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, and a light on my path.”  Psalm 119: 105

Share
Filed Under: God's Word, Hope, Knowing God, Lonliness, national concerns, New Directions, Peace, Praise, Time with God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Dying to Meet Jesus, Author Interview with Randy Kay

April 9, 2020 by 1 Comment

We’re living through a scary time in our world with the daily death toll from Covid 19 rising each time we turn on the TV. But author Randy Kay has no fear of death any more. Because of a near death experience a few years back, Randy Kay can encourage those of us in the age of Covid 19 through his description of what it’s like to experience heaven. His new book, Dying to Meet Jesus, begins with his near-death-experience after dying and meeting Jesus in heaven. As CEO of PACEsetters and chairman of TenorCorp, Kay has written for Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.

As we look forward to Easter and the celebration of new life Jesus brings to us through His death and resurrection, Randy’s story gives us a riveting  glimpse into the heaven our God has prepared for us.

Linda: Randy, I understand you have more than 30 years of experience working in business and are the founder of PACEsetters. Tell us more about your background and how you became a Christian.

 Randy: ​I was a devout agnostic in my youth and challenged all religions through a comprehensive study at Northwestern University that I detail in my book.

Our researchers debunked all religions except Christianity. Most religions were created by a single individual or a fusion of beliefs. However, we discovered that the biblical account of God being true was validated with a probability ratio of 1.26 million to one! After that I cried out to an unknown God: “If you’re real, I need to know you as genuinely as I know my loved ones on earth.”

After surviving a near-fatal car crash, I began my sincere search to learn about the God of the Bible. I attended a church near Chicago and responded to an invitation for attendees who wished to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I prayed, and later that night I indeed met Jesus Christ in my spirit. Still, I remained a bit of a skeptic. I certainly did not believe in near-death-experiences (NDEs). That is, until I had my own.

Linda: I watched a TV interview with you and saw that you experienced a miraculous face-to-face encounter with Jesus, meeting Him at the point of death. Do you recall your first thoughts when seeing Jesus in heaven during that near death experience? ​

Randy: Yes, I clinically died from multiple blood clots and a drug-resistant infection throughout my body. My heart stopped beating.

I remember that first time meeting Jesus as vividly as if I were there right now. My “cheek to cheek” meeting with Jesus brings me to tears whenever I think back on it. My first thought in heaven was: “So this is Love.” Jesus hugged me, tightly. He did not have to say that He loved me, because His presence permeated every fiber of my being. I remember a sense of “knowing” – knowing that Jesus was my all, and that nothing could happen to me without Jesus being with me. Perfect peace and comfort possessed me. “I am with you always,” He said. I just caved into His chest. I felt at home like never in this world.

Linda: Can you describe the senses you experienced during your time with Jesus?

Randy: ​In heaven, Jesus fulfilled all of my needs, so I did not long for anything and I certainly had no worldly cares. Being with Jesus was sufficient for me. This is a difficult thing to describe, because that sense is like nothing on this earth. It was total completeness, absolute contentment. Another sense I experienced was that I had all of Jesus’ attention. I knew that He held the cares of the world, but I felt as though I was an audience of one.

As to heaven itself, the colors were more vibrant, the fragrances more aromatic, the landscape more beautiful than anything in this world. Everything was alive. The glory of God rested through the environs, and everyone and everything worshipped the Lord.

I remember the angelic chorus, rows of linens, the joy on the faces of everyone in paradise…there really are no adequate words to describe heaven. It was like walking into another dimension, as though I was viewing a beautifully painted landscape and then suddenly I had stepped into a living version of that landscape.

Linda: What a beautiful, comforting picture you present! Particularly at a time like this. Since your near death experience, have you struggled at all to share this story? How have people reacted to the story of your near death experience?

Randy: ​It took me 14 years before I could share my near death experience publicly. Before then, only a handful of people knew about it. There was no need to share it with others who might trivialize the most important meeting in my life. That is, until I was interviewed on GodTV about a business book I had written, and the interviewer (who was my former pastor), asked me about my near death experience. I cried while sharing my story for the first time publicly.

On the flight back, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write another book. However, this time the Holy Spirit prompted me to write about “our special time together.” At first, sharing this experience was hard. I felt like I was defiling something sacred, but then God’s peace and inspiration filled me, and the writing just flowed out. That is how I wrote Dying to Meet Jesus.

I now pray that readers will know God more intimately after reading this book. Also, I wanted to address the question as to why a loving God allows suffering. I hope that readers will better understand why God allows brokenness and suffering to happen, since I share several stories of brokenness involving others as well as my own sufferings. I share the suffering of my daughter’s struggles with drugs, illness, rape and attempted suicide for the first time. I also share my own struggles with depression. Several others in my life allowed me to share their stories of brokenness also.

Linda: What trials did you face after your near death experience? Did you expect to face more trials, or did you believe that the worst was behind you?

Randy: I never doubted God’s Love after my near death experience, but I did struggle. In fact, some of my greatest sufferings occurred after meeting Jesus. I lost my job, my financial security, and almost lost my family. At times I wondered why God did not just take me when He “had the chance.” However, in heaven, Jesus told me that He was returning me to this world because my purpose had yet to be fulfilled. Since then, I began teaching people how to thrive in life and how to overcome struggles.

Previously, I was a corporate executive. I lost almost all of my savings trying to fulfill the purpose with which God commissioned me, but I never doubted God’s hand in my life. When challenges arise, my Lord tells me to “trust” Him, and that He will always make my path straight. I am continually reminded that God is still with me.

Linda: Did your near death experience change your outlook on life? Please tell us a little about that.

​Randy: I know Love as a person and as a guiding presence, and that has made all the difference in my life. I can handle challenges better because of this deeply embedded awareness of Jesus as my friend. He is more real to me than most people I know! I can speak to others about God with more confidence and understanding. And, this has given me an insight into Jesus’ absolute devotion to His children that has transcended into every area of life, both the good and the bad.

Linda: In your book, you say, “Friends, be careful what you pray for.” Why do you have this reminder? ​

Randy: God answers prayer, but He will do it in a way that is best, even if the way to attain what we need is fraught with challenges. God desires our best, whereas we oftentimes desire what is convenient, or what appears good. This world sullies us with its temptations and false teachings. God refines us through a process of redemption. As a father, I know that the most painful process of parenting is allowing my children to go through challenges for their own good. God may allow suffering for a reason, but He will never leave us there. God collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and from those tears He produces a river of abundant life. That is what I saw in heaven.

Linda: During this scary time in our world, what message of hope can you give to people who pick up your book out of fear of dying or bereavement?

Randy: For the believer in Jesus Christ, there is no real death. I never experienced a sense of having died. I only experienced a transition to another place.

Leaving this world will be like leaving your workplace, and then suddenly finding yourself on a glorious vacation with the One who loves you most.  For anyone who has lost a loved one in Christ, know that he/she feels more alive today, as difficult as that may seem. There remains an empty place for those of us who are left behind, but I can assure you that we can look forward to an eternity in heaven with no remembrance of our losses or sufferings.

Grieving for a lost loved one is normal, but only because we will never again see our loved one in this world again. For believers in Jesus Christ, think of dying as similar to saying goodbye at the airport knowing you will not see your loved one for a while, but also knowing that someday, you will meet again. Celebrate that your born-again loved one is experiencing the best time of his or her life. And soon, like a blink of the eye from an eternal perspective, you will meet again in paradise. That will be a “wowsa moment!”

Linda: This is an amazing story, and I know people will be interested in reading more. Where can readers go to connect with you and buy a copy of Dying to Meet Jesus?

Randy: You can find the book at Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Christianbook.com, or your local book store.

Watch Randy Kay’s Interview on the Cornerstone Television Network

Share
Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Death, Doubt, Easter, Fear, Grief, Hope, Jesus, Surrendering to God, Time with God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

When the “Merry” Has Disappeared from Christmas

December 18, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Christmas seems to have fully arrived. You see it everywhere you go. Festive displays glisten on the main streets of town. Lights sparkle throughout the neighborhood.  The words Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday greet you continually.

But for many of you the “merry” has disappeared from Christmas this year.  Things are different, and a “Merry Christmas” greeting has a hollow ring. Your heart is heavy with the idea of how you will even “get through” Christmas. This isn’t the Christmas you wanted. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. The sparkle and laughter are gone as memories of Christmases past assault your heart, and anxiety nibbles at future hopes and dreams.

When gloom hangs over our lives, however, we may discover within ourselves a more natural yearning to peer into the reality of the Christmas we celebrate. As we put aside the glamour, it becomes easier to travel back to how it all began—before the sparkle, before the happy music, before the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping.

There was hustle and bustle on that day, but not of people shopping; it was the descending of large numbers of people upon a small town, all trying to find the basic comforts of a place to stay and something to eat. We see a young woman, nine months pregnant riding a donkey. Can you imagine riding 80 miles on a donkey when you are nine months pregnant? And when she was ready to deliver her baby, who was the Son of the eternal God, she couldn’t even find a decent place to stay. Imagine having to deliver your baby in a smelly stable!

And that is how God came to us – not in a convenient, clean, easy way, but through tough and challenging circumstances. No warm, fine bed for Mary, the mother of God, no fragrant rooms, no support of family and friends who were far away and may have even questioned her virtue and the conception of this baby. No, God came to us in the midst of doubt, confusion, political unrest, and physical hardship. When God sent his Son to be born on this earth, he didn’t clear an easy path for him. He didn’t have a room waiting in Bethlehem. It was hard.

And, oftentimes, that is the way God still comes to us.  In the distractions of active lives, we are often too busy to notice God’s presence. We may have thought we had everything figured out ourselves – that we’d surely find a room in Bethlehem.  We never expected to have to stay in a smelly stable.  We still can’t figure out why things have turned out the way they have.

But, cradled on a bed of hay, in the middle of the odors and pain, we see a tiny baby, the gift of God’s love. It was the first time God was visible to mankind. And in the midst of the difficulties of your life, God has come to show you Himself. It is sometimes only when these other things are stripped away that our eyes are fully opened and we see beyond the glitter into the glory where finally we see Christmas. Perhaps for the first time, the invisible God becomes visible in our eyes, and we see Jesus himself.

God has come to love you with a love you will not find anywhere else—not in a husband or wife, not a parent or a child or a friend. God’s love will not fail you. It is unconditional and everlasting. He will not always show you a clear, easy path to your destination. But He will be with you and guide you, and at just the right time, He may prompt the wife of an innkeeper to say, “I have a place for you. I have an answer. There’s a stable out back…”

His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours. He has a plan that is beyond anything we can see. When we take hold of God, we move beyond the barriers of our finite understanding into the reaches of God’s eternal purposes. Eternity is within our grasp. We become a part of His story.

Two thousand years ago, Mary and Joseph didn’t hear the refrains of Silent Night as they gathered clean straw to make a bed for Mary to bear a child; they didn’t see the picturesque setting of a child being born in a manger as they settled down among the animals. It was hard.

But God came to them in the middle of these difficult circumstances, not just for them, but for us.  Jesus was born into our world and into our lives.  And this is the Christmas we celebrate…a Christmas born in hardship, but wrapped in holiness and love, extending through all the ages of the earth into the glories and wonders of eternity.

If the “merry” has disappeared from your Christmas, may God’s blessings shine through the midst of your circumstances and give you a deep joy and peace that rises high above and beyond your understanding.

*  * *

And if the merry has disappeared from your Christmas because of a marriage in crisis, you can find hope and healing in my books Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

Share
Filed Under: Christmas, Depression, Expectations, faith, Jesus, Knowing God, Problems, Receiving Christ, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

When You Don’t Feel Thankful

November 27, 2019 by Leave a Comment

As we approach Thanksgiving, some of you anticipate the day with joy, happy at the idea of getting together with family, feasting on turkey, and remembering the blessings of the past year.

But others of you experience a sense of dread as the day draws near. Monumental problems in your life crowd out any sense of joy. Blessings seem a distant memory – a fantasy of days gone by. With Thanksgiving day drawing near, you’re not sure you have anything to be thankful for.

I remember such a time when my marriage was collapsing around me. My husband and I were separated. Confusion and fear gripped my heart and I had no idea what the future held. It was hard to be thankful.

During this difficult time in my life, however, I discovered an amazing irony. While I often did not feel thankful because of my painful circumstances, I found that when I let go of my pain and confusion to raise my eyes toward Heaven and simply thank God for being my Lord and Father, my heart grew lighter and I felt at peace.

As I magnified God through my praise, the debris of doubt and fear cleared from my mind and my perspective changed. God appeared larger and I became more aware of His awesome power and majesty. As a result, my painful circumstances seemed less weighty and prominent. I saw only God, only His love, only His comforting presence. Thanking and praising God was a salve to my aching heart. In the midst of praise I knew I would be alright.

The irony I discovered is that thanking God—when it seemed I had nothing to be thankful for—actually gave me something to be thankful for.

Psalm 100:4 tells us to “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.”

In other words, it is when we are thankful–when we praise His name—that we can enter into the very presence of God. And when we do, we find that His majesty and power is greater than any problem we encounter. In the light of His almighty presence and power, the darkness in our lives grows pale.

When we thank God and praise Him, we open a window into Heaven through which God smiles down upon us and surrounds us with His presence. The opportunity to be thankful and lift our praise to God is an inexplicably beautiful gift God has given us, a gift that brings us into His presence and lifts our hearts out of the surrounding circumstances of our lives. Praising God and thanking Him brings us into His courts where God’s glory outshines the tinsel and washes away the dross of the world around us.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.”

If you are having trouble feeling thankful, when you wake up on Thanksgiving day begin by praising God. Thank Him for His love, which never ceases. Thank Him for being a big God that nothing can defeat. Thank Him that you have the incredible privilege of coming before the God of the universe and offering up your heart.  When you do, He will pour His strength into your weakness. He will fill your heart with Himself and the forever love He has for you. Not only will you find you do have something to be thankful for, but with the tenderness of God’s presence so near, you might find this Thanksgiving to be more meaningful than ever before.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).

“Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. . . .  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord” (Psalm 150:1-2, 6).

Find hope for yourself and your marriage with Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation

Share
Filed Under: Depression, disappointment, Praise, Problems, Thanksgiving, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Searching for Meaning

August 14, 2019 by 2 Comments

In the last couple of weeks our collective hearts have been sideswiped by what transpired in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Two mass shootings in 24 hours.  How could that happen? And why?

As I walked through my local Walmart on the weekend to buy bacon and bread, I thought about the panic and terror that must have taken place along aisles where everyday people took part in everyday activities that day—picking out produce for the family meal, selecting a new outfit for their child to wear to school, maybe buying a backpack. Nobody expected gunshots and death in the middle of the aisle.

And all of us are asking why and what can be done.

Many theories abound about the cause and the cure. We’ve all heard them – been bombarded by them, in fact.  But the theory that hit me hardest over the last two weeks was when someone said there is a hole in America’s soul.

As I listened to various news programs, others expanded on this by describing the search for meaning by America’s youth, resulting in too many of them wondering if there IS any meaning. Statistics were laid out showing that huge numbers of young millennials have often never attended a church or synagogue, live in families that are splitting apart, frequently have no father involved in their lives, and attend schools where the mention of God is prohibited.  With empty hearts and a crushing sense of self, they immerse themselves in video games, look for acceptance on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or grab onto a political ideology to fill up the hole in their hearts to give them meaning. Some – too many—simply find no meaning. Suicide rates among young people have escalated dramatically. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death for that generation.

Driving back home in the car, a song peeled across the airwaves. “I have only one life to live,” the singer crooned. The words seized hold of my mind and wouldn’t let go as I thought about these young people, lost in a world without meaning, seeing themselves as unloved and unimportant. They have only one life to live and it’s being sucked up in the winds of disillusionment and hopelessness. They don’t know there is more to life and they are giving up on it.

My heart aches for them. Because I know there is meaning. I know there is love. And I yearn for them to find it.

Searching for the Meaning

The woman I interviewed on my Heart Talk blog last week told her own story of searching for meaning and the depression that overtook her life because she couldn’t find purpose.  Despite tremendous achievements, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a lovely home, she was drowning in depression and ready to take her life. But it all changed in one dramatic moment.

What happened? What made the difference?

She found Jesus.

Jesus transformed her heart, her life, her future. In Jesus she found a love that filled her life with purpose.

And that is the secret to life. That is where we find meaning. Our creator has the answers for us if we ask Him.

In Jesus there is meaning. Most profoundly of all, when we meet Jesus face to face, we find love – true love, a love that will carry us through the worst storms, the loneliest desserts, and cruelest encounters. And we find life.

Finding Hope – Even in Unexpected Places

So how do we elevate the consciousness of a generation who don’t know His name – except in sleazy contexts that take them along paths that desecrate his name and undermine the very hope that can raise them up to a life of purpose?

When I gave my Heart Talk blog the tag line of “finding hope in unexpected places,” I did it because I believe it’s true. I’ve seen hope spring forth again and again even in the most difficult places. So, yes, I believe there is hope for this millennial generation.

Perhaps it’s in you. Perhaps it’s in me. We know where the hope is. Jesus is our hope and the hope of each of these young people groping in a world of empty promises.

We’ve known heartache. We know betrayal. We know loneliness. And we’re stronger because of it. We know the source of that strength. Jesus walks with us on our difficult journeys and He will walk with anyone who calls on His name. Let’s pass this hope along to the young people in our communities. Let’s reach out to those who are lost and lonely.  God will strengthen us and embolden us to become more of who He called us to be when we pour out His love to those who need it most.

Young people, you are loved. The creator of the universe loves you and has a purpose for you. You are special and unique. You are created in the image of God. Look to Him. Call on His name. He will give purpose to your life.

“I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

“This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God is love.” 1 John 4:10 and 16

“The thief comes only to steal & kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

 “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6

 

Share
Filed Under: Depression, Doubt, Feeling unworthy, Hope, Lonliness, Love, Problems, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »
Return to top of page · Copyright © 2024 Linda Rooks All Rights Reserved · Return to Linda Rooks