A Christian Response to Covid

July 29, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by LN@younis67

When I was a youth, I remember often singing a popular song in church called, “They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love.” It was a lovely reminder of the words of Jesus and often repeated by the apostles John and Paul that, as Christians, we are to share God’s love, and through our love for others we will shine a light in this dark world.

During the last five months when the world has been in crisis and people are hurting, we as Christians have had a unique opportunity to step into the gap of fear and uncertainty to share Christ’s love. And many have done that. Christian churches and ministries around the country have poured out God’s love by distributing food and financial help to those who have been adversely impacted by the virus. Some such as Samaritan’s Purse even set up tents in New York City and Italy to provide medical assistance when the pandemic first raged uncontrollably.

A Guiding Light Through Covid

These are difficult days in our country and in our world, and as people look for help and hope to guide them through the fear and uncertainty of unprecedented times, we as Christians have an opportunity to be salt and light to the world and lead people to Christ through our love and concern.

And in so many ways Christians are doing just that.

But on one issue, Christians may need to take a second look about whether we are acting out of love or missing an opportunity to demonstrate that love to protect the vulnerable. A controversy has arisen that seems to have diverted our attention from the more important mission Jesus gave us to love our neighbors. And that is about whether or not to wear masks.What should our response be on this issue? What should guide us?

We all have our preferences. We have our rights. But as those who live in this world but are not of this world, what should be our guiding light? Are we taking advantage of the opportunity to provide guidance through what God has taught us through the scriptures? Are we ourselves looking for guidance from the scriptures? It’s all right there in God’s Word – our prescription for how to work through confusing and troubling times and handle disputes. For me personally, it’s the only thing that helps me discern the right direction in difficult times.

Getting Direction from Scripture

So, if you will give me the privilege of sharing some scriptures with you, let’s look at some of them together to try to get perspective.

When disputes come about, Romans 12:10 tells us to “Honor one another above yourselves.” Likewise, Philippians 2:3-4 tells us, “In humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” And Colossians 3:12-13 says, “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other . . . .”

As we consider those who are fearful about this virus, shouldn’t we as Christians take their concerns seriously? Even if you are one who believes the threat is not as great as the world asserts, Romans 15:1-2 says, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” For those who feel safer when masks are worn—even if it seems unnecessary to you, why not go the extra mile to show them love and concern?  We have an opportunity to really be the church, to be the body of Christ, to speak with one heart – a heart of love to protect the vulnerable and show the world the love of Christ.

“If it is possible,” says Romans 12:18, “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Romans 14:29 says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.”

Paul sums up his plea for unity with these words in Romans 15:5-7. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

Bringing Us Together or Tearing Us Apart

Isn’t this what we all want as Christians? To bring praise and glory to God? Is our controversy over masks doing that? Or is it pulling us apart and giving the world a fractured picture of who we are that does not glorify His name?

Over and over again we are reminded in scripture that LOVE is what God asks of us. As right as we might be in other areas of our Christian life, LOVE is the most important. “If I have the gift of prophecy and all knowledge and if I have a faith that moves mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Cor: 13:2.)

It’s been a rough few months with lots of change, discomfort and anxiety. Nobody knows what’s really going on. There are promising cures being discussed, but until the medical community comes together on them, there is not a recognized solution we can all rely on. It’s confusing. Some have doubts and questions about what’s happening in our culture and what impact this can have. Legitimate questions abound. But which of us truly has the answer?  “For by the grace given to me,” Paul says in Romans 12:3, “I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think  of yourself with sober judgement in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you . . . in Christ we who are many form one body . . . .”

Having a humble attitude, looking at others as better than ourselves, protecting the weak and vulnerable, loving others as ourselves, and “living in harmony with one another” is a good way to start. While we need to keep our eyes open and be “wise as serpents”, we also need to be “harmless as doves” (Matthew 10:16) so we can give off that sweet aroma of Jesus that draws people to Him.  (Ephesians 5:2)

There are many important issues we as Christians need to address in our culture where we need to take a stand, and we need to be careful not to waste the capital of our credibility and influence on something that boils down to a matter of preference. We are, after all, told in scripture to “submit . . . to the governing authorities.” (Romans 12:1). If we are to protest governmental decisions and actions, let’s choose our battles and fight for God’s priorities, not our own. This period of uneasiness in our world is a time for us to join together to extend love to our communities, to offer hope, and show concern and compassion.

Perhaps hardest of all, even if we can accept the above instructions from our Lord, is to do what Paul tells us to do in Philippians 2:14-16, but it’s also the most rewarding. “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ . . .”

And in the midst of all this, we need to support our pastors who are trying to do a juggling act by balancing the concerns of everyone in their congregations.  Let us “live in harmony with one another,” says Romans 12:16, and we can start by doing this in our very own churches.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

“Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” (Ephesians 5:2)

Do you remember this song?

They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love.

You can listen here.

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Filed Under: Conflict, Evangelism, Fear, God's Word, health, health issues, national concerns, Peace, Reconciliation Tagged With: , , , , ,

Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace – Author Interview with Tracy K. Pratt

June 18, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When you know loss is coming, when does grief begin? Afterwards? Or before? And how do you work through it? Tracy K. Pratt’s book, Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace, is a book I have looked forward to sharing on Heart Talk before the writing was even finished. At a writer’s critique group Tracy and I both belong to, Tracy brought one of the chapters of this book to be critiqued when she was still in the process of writing it. The response from a woman in the group who had been battling cancer for years was so  poignant and dramatic, the rest of us ended up in tears. The woman with cancer urged Tracy about the need to have it published. Now it has. This is a book for those who are facing grief but don’t know what to do with it. The writing is beautiful, poetic, and soul warming. I’ll let Tracy describe the book herself –in a way only she can do—in the interview that follows.

Linda: What motivated you to write Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: I wanted to answer this question: What would I have picked up, read, and found to be good news when our daughter Hannah was growing up?

Grief shadowed my husband, Coleman, and me from the moment Hannah was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (CF) at 5 weeks old in March, 1982. At that time, the life expectancy was 12 years. Her rough start indicated we would outlive her. Coleman would want to voice his sorrow. As her primary caregiver who fought the disease daily, I could not face that probability. I fought for my dreams that one day she would know the deep love of a man like I did, that she and I would be good friends in my old age.

In March 2007, six months after Hannah’s death, Coleman and I listened to a video in Grief Share. The speaker said as a side note that whenever a loved one is diagnosed with cancer or any life terminating disease, we anticipate their death.

We grieve. Immediately. And continually.

In less than 10 seconds, the speaker gave an identity to the emotions, stress, uncertainty and cloud of sadness we experienced from the moment of her diagnosis to her death. Our “normal” life with CF, which included progressive losses over her lifetime, was real. The speaker’s words lifted the years of unspoken heaviness. Relief overwhelmed us. We exchanged smiles and joined hands.

I want to give that relief to others and lead them to what they may not know. They grieve before loss. It is not a sin but a gift.

Linda: Do you think you achieved your goal? Would you have read this book when Hannah was 12?

Tracy: Yes. Within its pages, my younger self would have found an honest fellow-pilgrim, who did not provide formulas or try to sugar-coat the journey. Instead, she would have found a woman with a voice rich with compassion who knew a hope that does not disappoint in unfixable circumstances.

I would have found the book approachable because of its format. Chapters are easy to read with natural breaks between sections to pause and process the content. The metaphor of autumn pictures well how beauty and goodness bloom in our painful, and unavoidable circumstance.  The use of “I” and “us” sets a conversational tone between the reader and author.

Linda:  What role do you play in the mental and spiritual health of someone in anticipatory grief?

Tracy: I accompany others in their journey as a fellow-pilgrim who has traveled through the autumn of loss more than once and no doubt will again.  My greatest contribution to a traveler’s anticipatory grief is to remember what my younger self needed.  That focus equips me to encourage and assist women so they can live in that tension with healthy habits and hope.

Linda: People have varied opinions about grief’s importance in our lives. What is yours?

Tracy: I believe grief is a gift from God. Unwanted? Yes. Uninvited? Definitely.

But, trustworthy.

I believe the ultimate purpose of grief is to lead us to greater intimacy with Him—greater than what Adam and Eve knew in the Garden of Eden. The core cause of all sorrow is our separation from Him. His greatest grief is our natural bent to choose our own way which began when Adam and Eve doubted God’s goodness.

God is is not distant nor unaware of grief. In Chapter 3 of the book we travel through the Bible beginning in Genesis and see God experienced personal grief. We see in the Gospels Jesus grieved at Lazarus’s tomb, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and most importantly on the cross. There Isaiah’s prophecy (Isaiah 53:6) was realized. God laid on Jesus the sin of us all. I believe in that moment when He cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, Jesus knew the full weight of our deepest grief.  Our separation from Him.

That is why I believe grief’s greatest and good purpose is to lead us to God who does not judge us for grieving our treasures. Our broken hearts cry Jesus’ words in our pain. God does not forsake us. In our anguish, He draws near. Sometimes he pulls us to Himself and whispers, “I know.” Other times He stands silent waiting for us to trust Him.

Grief wakens the soul to our true existence. We read in Genesis 1:26-27 that God shaped us in His image. Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God placed eternity in the hearts of humans. We are designed for an eternal relationship with Him above other treasures. Grief before and after loss opens the soul to the naked reality that what we hold dear in this world does not satisfy the undying longing in the soul. He does.

Linda:  What specifically do you mean by “treasure”?

Tracy: A treasure is anything or anyone we hold tightly in the heart.

We lose things we love. A job. A house. Cancer, cf, Alzeimer’s and other diseases steal the bloom of our health, or of a child, a spouse, or parent.

Dreams shatter. Mine did as Hannah’s mother. Other circumstances such as drug or alcohol addiction crush a parent’s dream. A woman lies in bed alone, her heart broken. Her husband wants a divorce. A college quarterback headed for the draft suffers an injury that jeapordizes his promising career. The perpetual single aches for that one true love.

Seasons end. Parents leave their last child at college for their freshman year.

We should treasure things and people. They are gifts from God. But, they die. And we grieve, as we should. Death should not be.

Linda:  Why do you use autumn as a metaphor for anticipatory grief?

Tracy: In autumn, the mountainside’s dress of summer green fades. Deep scarlet, golden yellow, and burnt orange blossom. How ironic. We flock to see leaves die, yet not once does that reality cross our minds. We are in awe of the beauty that blooms.

The earth shifts its face away from the sun. Sap slows. The leaf slowly starves. Its true color erupts. This pictures the dramatic spiritual transformation that God does in us when winter threatens our treasures. We can be assured as the relentless chill whips about our treasure that the seed of trust burrowed in the soil of His promises will take root come spring.

Linda:  How are you a fellow-pilgrim to other women in their anticipatory grief?

Tracy: Imagine a weekend retreat in mid-October at a lodge in the mountains.

Now envision a place online that refreshes and renews a woman in the autumn of loss with that kind of respite. This is the purpose of my website. It’s tagline is “Beauty blooms in our broken places.”

My blog, Artful Soul Care, on the website, offers restoration like curling up in an overstuffed chair with hands wrapped around a hot mug of cider or cocoa, or on a hike tramping through fallen leaves on the mountain. This is a place to engage with creativity, to receive practical guidance, and to gain spiritual direction so that a woman’s soul is not overwhelmed by the day to day tension of anticipatory grief.

Paper Plate Studio, also on the website, provides visual refreshment. Photographs, paintings, posters, and cards are available for purchase. They celebrate God’s good eternal story, His hope, beauty,  and goodness we discover in the insignifcant, broken, and sorrowful places of our lives.

Artful Soul Care on Facebook is a private group that opens Wednesday, July 1. That day, and the following three Wednesdays at 7 pm, I will be doing four part session “Four Habits for the Journey.” Reading the book is not necessary nor is being in anticipatory grief to join the group. We all have traveled or will travel the autumn of loss in big and small life-changing ways. And, we have, or will have friends who live in the season. Joining provides community, encouragement, practical helps for the journey and keeps God’s eagle perspective in sight while traveling.

Linda: Where can people purchase your book, Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace can be found on Tracy’s website and on Amazon,

 

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, faith, Grief, health, health issues, Hope, Interviews, Jesus, loss, Pain, Peace, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

May 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

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Filed Under: comfort, Death, Depression, Fear, God's goodness, Grief, health, health issues, joy, Lonliness, loss, national concerns, Peace, Problems, stress, Uncategorized, weariness Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Overcoming Obstacles in Your Marriage to Find Joy for the Journey

October 17, 2019 by 1 Comment

A True Love Story that Unlocks the Secret of How to Overcome –

I still remember that first phone call from Jolene as she described the situation in her marriage that was causing her such heartache. Her husband’s life and hers were going in two different directions as their expectations diverged and their emotional needs increasingly went unmet. She had tried to get Rick to understand why she was unhappy and what he was doing that was causing such anxiety, hurt, and discouragement. But he simply didn’t get it.

When she called me, she was ready to walk away from the marriage.

“Do you think Marriage 911 would help us?” she asked. “Is ours the type of situation that would benefit from your class?”

I told her I believed it would. And so they came . . . even though Rick still didn’t understand Jolene’s concern. During those thirteen weeks they faithfully went through the Marriage 911 workbook with the class and participated in their individual small groups. Jolene stayed strong, believing God would break through their gridlock as she read Broken Heart on Hold and allowed God to nurture her heart.

Rick struggled honestly to understand, and then somewhere in the middle of the class, my husband Marv, the leader of Rick’s group, spoke words that illuminated a new understanding in Rick’s mind. A light went off. For years afterward, Rick not only remembered my husband’s words verbatim, but repeated them regularly every time he spoke of this incident. “It’s the appearance of impropriety . . . even though it’s not actual impropriety, it’s the appearance of impropriety.” Once he heard the words, the words popped. He saw it. He got it!

As the thirteen weeks wore on, Jolene’s smile grew more radiant as she began to understand Rick’s new appreciation for her concerns. Their communication began to improve. By the end of the class, their marriage had taken a new turn toward wholeness and healing.

Wanting More Joy for the Journey

But Rick and Jolene weren’t satisfied to stop at merely fixing the problem. They wanted more for their marriage. They wanted to avoid any other slips into miscommunication. They had heard enough stories and learned enough to know more was possible. They didn’t want just an okay marriage or even a good marriage. They wanted a fantastic marriage. They wanted to experience true joy for the journey as they traveled this life together. And they were willing to do whatever necessary to pursue that dream.

They went on a weekend retreat called Retrouvaille where they learned to communicate more clearly and connect with each other’s hearts. They took more marriage classes like Love and Respect, Marriage Oneness and others and read books to grow their relationship. They went on a weekend retreat called Weekend to Remember sponsored by Family Life, which took them to a whole new level of appreciation for one another. One of their favorite romantic adventures was going on a Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise, sponsored by Family Life.

In the span of about a year they went from a marriage drifting into possible separation or divorce to a marriage that soared with new possibilities. They had found the joy for the journey they’d been looking for.

A Second Phone Call

A little over a year after they had participated in Marriage 911, I received another phone call from Jolene. After telling me about the transformation in their marriage, she told me they now wanted to give back and help others achieve the joy in their marriages like they had found for their own journey. They became leaders in our Marriage 911 class and then began to facilitate other marriage classes as well. They became active in a wonderful Christian program called Tres Dias that took people on a closer walk with Christ. Rick had a heart for men and organized a Stepping Up seminar at church where many men made stronger commitments to God and to their roles as leaders in their home and church.  Rick and Jolene’s marriage became a shining light to others, and for ten years they touched countless other lives and marriages through their ministry.

A New Crisis in Their Marriage

But a year and a half ago, something began happening to Rick that they didn’t understand. A new challenge was unfolding – a life changing one that would take them on a new and frightening journey.

I first noticed it in our Marriage 911 class when I asked Rick, as one of our leaders, to come up to the microphone and offer a prayer. He limped to the front of the room, leaning on a cane. Questions went off in my mind. What was wrong with Rick? Why was he using a cane?

I later learned he had been experiencing weakness in his joints. After a number of doctor’s appointments and medical tests, Rick was diagnosed with ALS.

ALS is a terrible fatal disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, causing loss of muscle control. The muscles all over the body begin to get weaker until paralysis sets in. It’s also called Lou Gehrig’s Disease. In spite of his body growing weaker, however, Rick and Jolene’s faith grew even stronger. They prayed together. They laughed together. And they cried together –always hanging onto hope because they knew their hope was anchored on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ.

And they continued to minister together. At the beginning of this year, Jolene wheeled Rick into our Marriage 911 class in a wheel chair so they could once more share their testimony before our class about how God had healed their marriage. They continued sharing with others all through this time to convey to them how God has given them joy for the journey—even on a journey as difficult as the one they traveled this past year. Because of their beautiful witness, others saw Jesus’ redemptive love and joy shine forth from their lives in a number of venues again and again, even as Rick suffered through debilitating illness and affliction and Jolene walked by his side.

On September 26 of this year, Rick was healed—not in the earthly way we had prayed for—but In God’s infinite mercy He took Rick home before the pain had intensified. God gave Rick a new heavenly body, perfectly designed for Rick’s eternal home in heaven.

Through Jolene’s tears, I see the joy of having a love that endured the pain of their earlier years, a love that overcame misunderstandings and heartache, a love that persevered through sickness and affliction, a love that grew to soar on wings like eagles as together they ministered to other hurting hearts and lives and brought people to Christ so others could experience a joy of their own.

The Love Story Rick Left Behind for Us to Share

But before his homecoming to Heaven, during the early days of his illness when he was being diagnosed with ALS, Rick wrote a love letter to Jolene that says it all. Here is a part of it.

“Having the pleasure of you as my wife has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not always been the best of husbands, but you have stood by me in good times and in bad. I can’t imagine anyone else but you by my side.

As we have learned to show the kind of love and respect that we each need, I have gained a new understanding of how awesome God’s design for marriage can be. Your love for me has made me a better man. You have helped me be the leader of our home and have given me the confidence to be God’s servant to you and others. I thank you for your faith and your love for God.

Thank you for joining me on this wonderful journey. You have given my life purpose. You still are the woman of my dreams and all I could have hoped for. Thank you for loving me for who I am and treating me like a man of God. I love you with all my heart… I love you more”

Rick and Jolene not only overcame, they went further. They learned. They grew. And then they gave to others. Their joy was grounded in the never-changing love of God which fueled their own love, a love that overcame and gave them joy for the journey.

For one last glimpse of the man we are honoring today, you can hear from his own lips and Jolene’s how God has accompanied them throughout their lives and during this difficult battle with ALS to give them joy for the journey. This was taped about a month before God took Rick home.

Video of Rick when he had ALS https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RLXueUn76CB9TFFznnFlT3a0l1H7s3R6/view

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” Philippians 2: 1-4

Would you like to leave a comment? How did this story encourage you?

 

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Filed Under: Expectations, Grief, health, health issues, Hope, How to win, joy, Love, Marriage problems, New Directions, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Feeling unworthy, health, health issues, Hope, Interviews, Lonliness, mental illness, Pain, Receiving Christ, Surrendering to God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Caring for the Caregiver, Author Interview with Cheri Swalwell

June 18, 2018 by 1 Comment

Even when couples have a good, loving marriage, certain attacks can come from the outside that put an unusually heavy strain on the relationship. One of these attacks comes in the form of health issues, requiring one spouse to become the caregiver of the other. In this case, both partners must learn to navigate their marriage relationship while also taking on new and different roles with one another. One must learn to deal with their new disability. The other must develop a new skill set and the strength to take on their new responsibility.

Cheri Swalwell has written a Bible study called Caring for the Caregiver to help sustain the caregiver when taking on such an unexpected role in their marriage. 

Linda:  You wrote a book titled Caring for the Caregiver. Could you explain how that offers hope to couples in difficult marriages?

Cheri: Difficulties in marriage come about through internal or external circumstances. Our difficulties occurred through a series of external circumstances.

In 1999, I married my best friend. We got married in our late twenties and decided we’d start a family sooner rather than later. By 2006, I was fulfilling my dream to be a “stay at home” working mom with a six-year-old and a three-year-old. Life was good.

In September 2006 I decided to join a women’s Bible study. I remember driving home one evening, thinking about the group conversation that night. One question kept repeating in my mind: Did I trust God? I knew He was in my heart and I loved Him, but did I really trust Him?

Sadly, my answer was no. I didn’t trust God – not with my husband, my kids, or what mattered most. Right then, I prayed and told God I wanted to trust Him, asked Him to help me learn how to trust Him, but to please be gentle during the process. I waited a few minutes and was met with silence.

While I didn’t forget about the conversation, I didn’t pursue it any further. I’d asked, so I figured the next move was His. It didn’t take me long to realize God is faithful to answer when we ask with the right attitude.

Linda: That’s quite the statement to make to God. I love how even though you didn’t think you trusted God, you still knew He would answer your heartfelt prayer.

Cheri: Exactly. I didn’t know how, but I knew enough about God to know He would answer in His time. About halfway through the Bible study, I found out we were pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I had planned for two children, God planned a “plus one more.” I was over the top ecstatic. Thankfully, my husband felt the same way and I relished every minute of being pregnant one more time.

Except for an announcement to family only at Thanksgiving, the pregnancy was kept a secret during the first trimester. In mid-December, we felt it was safe enough to start telling. Three days later, one day shy of the official 12-week mark, I woke up bleeding. Less than six hours later, we lost our baby. Due to complications, three days later I was in the ER facing a necessary D&C to allow the physical healing to start. However, the emotional healing would take much longer.

I’d been looking forward to celebrating Christmas with a little one safely nestled inside. However, I faced the Christmas Eve service alone. My husband was confined to bed with the flu and our baby was in Heaven. I felt so alone and completely forgotten.

Linda: I’m so sorry for your loss. Death of a child is hard on a marriage. Yet, I understand your marriage was still to be dealt one more blow. Please tell us about it.

Cheri: Around this time, our church had called a corporate fast to begin in February. God invited me to fast, but not for our church. He asked me if I would fast for my family. He wanted me to fast for the four of us to grow closer together and for my husband and me to grow stronger in our marriage. I accepted the challenge and the fast began the week before Valentine’s Day. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband.

The Friday after Valentine’s Day began as a normal day. That evening we put our kids to bed and settled in for the night. During a commercial, my husband went to check on the kids. He got halfway up the stairs and turned around, his pulse racing, his face ashen and physically shaking.

“Cheri, I don’t feel well” was an understatement. He looked awful, so I immediately called the doctor. His symptoms were passed off as “the flu” and I was instructed to watch him during the night, “but he should be better by morning”. Easier said than done. The doctor wasn’t seeing what I was seeing. I couldn’t sleep, begging God to fix whatever was wrong. I had just lost our baby in December; I wasn’t ready to lose my husband, too.

We spent the next six weeks back and forth to the emergency room, hoping they could give us answers. After an approximate 35 pound weight loss in six weeks, my husband was finally admitted to the hospital. We needed to know what we were fighting.

Months later, we received one of many diagnoses and have spent the last ten years pursuing healing and adjusting to life within our new normal. We also learned some valuable lessons from God.

Linda: What is one truth you learned through this experience with your husband that you would like to share with others?  

Cheri: When one person in a family unit is suffering, it affects the entire household. Many times, chronic illness can pull a couple apart. I believe God invited me to fast for our family before the illness hit because He wanted to prepare us for the upcoming journey. I’m so grateful I accepted that invitation and believe it has helped us grow stronger as a family, but more importantly, as a couple.

Approximately six to eight years after our journey began, we were in the office with another new doctor, this time tackling food sensitivities, another symptom of my husband’s autoimmune disease.

At one point the doctor and I were in the room alone. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I distinctly remember the doctor stating how amazed she was with the support I was showing.

“Why wouldn’t I support my husband? We’re in this together. He doesn’t want to be sick any more than I wish it for him. In fact, if I could, I would take it away from him and suffer instead, if just to give him a break.”

Her reply stuck with me. “You’d be surprised how many spouses don’t support their loved ones. They blame the one who’s sick for the illness or for not doing enough to get better. Your husband is blessed to have your support because sadly, not many married couples are that supportive of each other.”

If I have one word of encouragement to offer others facing similar circumstances, it’s to fight the illness together as a team instead of fighting each other and not the illness.

God was able to use all the above circumstances to help me learn how to trust Him – not just with my husband and kids, but with every area of my life.

Linda: What led you to write a Bible study book about your experience?

 Cheri: As believers, I feel strongly that when we are allowed to experience trials and challenges in life, we are to use the empathy born from those painful experiences to walk alongside others on similar journeys. Pointing others to the One who has the answers produces a ripple effect of blessings in our lives. As God introduced me to couples walking through similar heartaches, our experiences allowed me to offer them encouragement.

Almost ten years later, in January 2017, during one of my now-regular fasting periods, God asked me to take the lessons He taught our family throughout the past decade and share that encouragement on a larger scale in the form of a Bible study for caregivers. I knew this invitation was from God because He downloaded the entire outline of the book to me in about 20 minutes.

In December 2017, Caring for the Caregiver was published. In June I finished co-leading my first Bible study using this material.

Linda, one member from the group sums up her and her husband’s experience in the group so eloquently, “Looking at caregiving as a partnership had not occurred to us and when you look at it that way, things change. God has given us a new tenderness toward looking at fighting the disease/condition together and not being frustrated with the person being cared for.”

 Linda: Is this a book that can only be used as a Bible study and is it specific just for caregiving for one’s spouse?

Cheri: I’m glad you asked, Linda. This book is about more than just caregiving for one’s spouse. It offers encouragement to foster parents, hospice workers, nurses – anyone in a caregiving role of any kind. There are two sets of questions following each chapter to accommodate all caregiving situations. And because all caregivers know time is precious, the chapters are short and easy to read.

 Linda: Where can people learn more about you and your books?

Cheri: Come visit me at Spoken from the Heart to see my full list of books. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or through email.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, health issues, Interviews, loss, stress, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Joy in the Darkest Moments

June 8, 2018 by 14 Comments

On my blog I often talk about finding hope in unexpected places. And I believe it.  I’ve seen it and lived it.  But finding joy in the darkest moments? That’s another issue.  Can you find joy in those dark moments when death is imminent?

My friend Judy did. And through her I saw it also—joy in an unexpected place– in one of the darkest moments of a person’s life.

But I didn’t fully realize what I saw until three weeks later.

***

Having just received the dreaded phone call that Judy had finally succumbed to her cancer, I sat on my bed with tears in my eyes, and reflected on my last conversation with her just three weeks earlier. Judy’s voice had grown weak and feeble at this point, and she carefully enunciated each word. But she did not complain. No, not Judy. Instead, the natural storyteller in her rose up to tell me the joyful happenings of the last few weeks, happenings that, now as I sat in reflection, brought her life full circle to reinforce the beautiful narrative of who she was as a woman.

When Judy was first diagnosed with cancer and given eighteen months to live, the news was devastating, but she was amazingly at peace.  She approached her remaining days with gusto and grabbed that diagnosis by the throat, deciding to live fully until the very end. When the doctor gave her that last fatal report, he asked her what she wanted to do with her remaining time.  “I want to go skydiving,” she said.

And she meant it.

Judy was what I would call a renaissance woman. She was a beautiful woman and dressed impeccably. She was an artist, a published author, a successful business woman, a dedicated Christian, and stood solidly behind her convictions.. She gave of herself through her worldly goods, her time, and her service. She reached out to the disadvantaged, adopting two orphans from Mexico, helping in an inner city ministry, and most notably, following her passion to protect unborn babies. Mixed in with all these other attributes, she was also a pilot. It was during her days of flying that she had met her husband Mitch.

Now, with only months remaining, she wanted to go skydiving and have a gala for her newest book, Fascinating Women. Although her husband eventually nixed the idea of her skydiving, she did have her gala, and it was splendid. She gave the proceeds to a pancreatic cancer non-profit.

Although it was remarkable to watch her living through her final months of life with such zest and passion—and beautiful to the very end—it’s the last days of her life that I marvel at most.

When I talked with her three weeks before she died, she recounted to me the joyful happenings of her previous few weeks as she lovingly chose special gifts for each of her grandchildren when they came to visit her one last time.  Judy was an elegant woman. Both her clothes and home reflected her exquisite taste. And with great care, she chose something from her closet, her jewelry box, or her home to give to each of her seventeen grandchildren. As we talked, she described in detail each visit, her special connection to the gifts chosen, and how each grandchild reacted when she gave them one of her special treasures.  She happily described a granddaughter trying on an outfit and saying, “Oh, look, Grama, how beautiful this is. And it fits perfectly.”

Judy was dying, but she was full of joy in her giving.

Now as I sat on the edge of my bed and reflected on the joy she radiated in the darkest moments of her life, I remembered the last book she had unveiled at her gala. Confessions of a Cheerful Giver.

And that was her secret.

Giving to others.

She had spent her life learning to give joyfully, and now at the end, when life was ebbing away, she was still giving. It was her hope, her joy. She indeed was a cheerful giver.

I didn’t realize how near the end she was the last time I spoke with her. But I heard the joy in her voice. In those dark moments, she still had joy—an extension of the joy she’d found throughout her life—the joy of giving.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, cancer, health issues, joy, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

The Bipolar Experience – Author Interview with LeeAnn Jefferies

November 15, 2017 by 2 Comments

Adopted at nine months, married off at seventeen, a mother by nineteen, and diagnosed with the severest form of bipolar disorder at twenty-three, LeeAnn Jefferies believed her dream of being a top model—of traveling the globe for fashion and its industries biggest names—was sealed behind the heavy doors of a fourth floor psychiatric ward. While her husband managed two small children and a full time job at home, LeeAnn underwent the brutality of electroconvulsive therapy, commonly known as shock treatments. And although many of her memories were stripped away, her dream remained.

Then one day, a light shone into the darkest places of her life and LeeAnn knew one thing for certain—she would see her dreams fulfilled. Soon thereafter, she ventured into the world of fashion modeling, eventually landing a contract with the world-famous Ford Modeling Agency.

For those of you dealing with mental illness in your family . . . or even if you simply have acquaintances with this disease, LeeAnn’s story will enlighten you about the possibilities God can use for good.

Linda: Your story is riveting and shows what a person can do in spite of a diagnosis of mental illness. Tell me. When a person is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, what would you say to them to give them hope that this doesn’t mean the end of the world?  

LeeAnn: When I was diagnosed, I didn’t know anything about anything … so for me, there was nothing to tell me how I was going to get through it. The doctors’ work was to get me back to home plate. The hard part was later … dealing with what I had done in the beginning. Remember, in the beginning, you are so sick, you can’t see the writing on the wall. It’s not until later that you really have to deal with it.

You have one of two ways out: deal with it … or die. That temptation is always looming for the bipolar to just go with the second option. Not initially … but once it hits home. What you have to remember is that life will go on. You can and you will learn how to set boundaries. Once you get to know the illness and it gets to know you, you can become partners in survival. You have to keep saying to yourself, “I have bipolar. Bipolar does not have me.”

Linda: In the book you talk about the day you were in the hospital—a gray day outside and inside, you call it—and a shaft of light broke through the clouds, which let you know that you were going to live your dreams. Talk about that. What about that light made you know this?

LeeAnn: Things were looking grim. The prognosis was bleak. The next step was that I was about to be institutionalized. I absolutely could not see the forest for the trees. That day … I just happened to look out the window … and there was that shaft of light. You know … God has a way of showing us things. And when He does, that’s that. Somehow, that light was God letting me know … that was the ray of hope I needed to persevere. This was what I needed to get better. I don’t remember that I had enough energy to do anything about it … but I couldn’t stand the thought that I was going to live the rest of my life in a hospital gown … behind bars … living with other hospital patients. Now, understand that this wasn’t my last visit to a hospital or doctor’s office. This didn’t mean my days with bipolar disorder were over. But I knew something from that day forward would change.

Linda: How did you find hope for dealing with your illness? 

LeeAnn: You have to stay up on things. Educate yourself. This is what I did. Who would have ever thought I’d have to get to know my own mind better, but getting to know it better led to my success as a model. Mania helped land me in places no one ever expected me to go. Remember that most people with grandiose dreams can talk themselves out of the dream … but my mind wouldn’t allow that. Now … that said, you have to know your limitations and where the dangers come in. Mania can land the dream or it can get you in big trouble. This is where a good support system comes in. Whether that is one family member or ten. Whether that is one friend or ten. You have to have people you trust to keep you in those boundaries.

Linda: How did being bipolar affect your marriage? 

LeeAnn: In the beginning–well, I was so sick–but I’m sure Kenneth drew back from me. I am also fairly sure Kenneth bought into the explanation of what happened with me, and even though he bought it, with God’s help, Kenneth had to learn to deal with that. God had to heal his heart. I think that when he saw me — really saw the psychotic part of it when I was in the hospital — it made more sense to him that my mind was disabled enough to “go there.” Those huge sores I’d rubbed on my body had to be covered up before I could even have shock treatment. When he realized that … I think God just showed him through my behavior and my treatment so that he learned to accept that I had an illness and that I hadn’t consciously done anything against him or our marriage.

Over the years, we had some really funny stories when we look back on them, but there were times that were not so funny. My spending habits when I was manic left us often without any money to cover our mortgage payments. There were times when he would tell me not to do something and I’d do it anyway (like the time he told me not to buy a dog and I came home with the dog anyway…). And then, of course, the depression. It’s hard to live with someone who is depressed a lot and when they aren’t, he has to hold me down.

Now, he is my chief supporter. Trust is so easily lost and so difficult to get back. But we were able to do it because we put our minds to it. Christ is the center of our marriage. He holds all things together. So, even though much of our marriage was highly strained, God kept everything together.

Let me tell you. God has a plan. God’s plan was to bring Kenneth and me together at Shoney’s that night we first met. God was in control all along. He knew exactly who I needed beside me because He knew bipolar disorder would become a central focus in our lives and that Kenneth was the man who would get me through it.

Linda: You apparently have a very understanding husband. But some people aren’t so lucky. I have received emails from people in failing marriages who blame the failure of their marriage on their spouse being bipolar or having some other mental illness.  If a couple is having trouble in their marriage, and one of them is bipolar, what would you like the spouse of the bipolar partner to understand?  What should they do?

LeeAnn: They have to decide first and foremost that they want to stay in the marriage. They do have an option to walk away. The illness won’t. It can’t. It’s always going to be there. The question you have to ask is: Is the love strong enough? When Kenneth was interviewed by the case worker/psychologist in Raleigh after my illness had hit its pinnacle in Scotland and I’d been forced to stop modeling, he was asked, pointedly, “Why did you stay?” And Kenneth answered, “Because I love her.”

That was some kind of day. Here I was crying my head off … literally crumbling in front of this doctor … and after seeing this and hearing what all we had been through, that’s when he asked Kenneth and Kenneth said, “Because I love her.” That’s the bottom line. That and his faith in God. Kenneth believed this was his place to be and that it would all work out okay. Now, we are looking at 50 years of marriage next year. That’s something in anyone’s book. Bipolar or not.

Support groups can be an option, but I think gender would matter here. Men are not as apt to reach out and share this kind of stuff. So, if you are thinking about a support group, be sure that where ever you go, you get support, not condemnation. Look into local NAMI affiliations. And your spouse’s doctor should be able to point you in the right direction, too.

Linda: You are open about your first obvious symptom of bipolar disorder, which was hyper-sexuality. You say in the book that this is an often-non-discussed topic and yet it is one of the most common for women patients. Why did you decide to talk about it so openly?

LeeAnn: Because there doesn’t need to be areas within the church and within society where things like that are swept under the carpet. People are dead now because people don’t want to talk about it. We must talk about this. Be honest about this. That way, when this happens to others, they are more willing to talk about it. For too long, I was ashamed of it. But not now. No more stigma! No more being ashamed of something you cannot control. We need to stop saying, “We cannot discuss this.” We have to discuss this. Is it easy to tiptoe through the tulips on this? Yes. But it’s time to take the risks. It’s time to talk about it. That’s why I took all the steps I needed to take to tell my story.

Linda: How important is your Christian faith to your overall health and the care of your illness?

LeeAnn: It is the most. I cannot imagine doing this without God because I never have done it without Him.

Linda: Why do you think you were able to hide your illness for so long while living in NYC and working for the Ford Agency?

LeeAnn: Because I was in an industry where you’d see all these creative minds … which equals eccentric behavior. So let me tell you … I blended. We were a weird group of people (laughing here!)!

Linda; Do you regret the way things played out? Do you regret not being a model anymore?

LeeAnn: No … as wonderful as it was being a FORD model, I now have bigger fish to fry. Who would have ever thought I would have something more important to do than being a FORD model?? But stopping the stigma—whether through my Facebook page (LeeAnn Jefferies The Bipolar Experience) or speaking in front of audiences or talking to others one-on-one (whether that’s family members of bipolar patients or those diagnosed with bipolar disorder), that’s the most important thing. As wonderful as it was working for Eileen, and I’ll never ever forget it, this is the most important.

Linda: Your husband Kenneth is, as you state, a saint. How are the two of you doing today?

LeeAnn: Absolutely fabulous!

Linda: How are your children doing?

LeeAnn: Just marvelous! Thriving. Successful … happy adults.

Linda: Talk about your working relationship with Eva Marie Everson who wrote the book for you. From the book, it sounds as if the two of you knew immediately that your relationship was a “God Thing.”

LeeAnn: My relationship with Eva Marie is so open and so beautiful and so real … there is no pretense with Eva Marie. We speak openly with each other about any subject matter. And there is always understanding between the two of us … there is an underlying love between the two of us. That’s the most important thing.

Linda: How can people find out more about you, your work as a model, and your current work to stop the stigma of mental illness?

LeeAnn: My website https://leeannjefferies.wordpress.com/

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Filed Under: Battles, bi-polar disorder, BOOKS, Depression, health issues, mental illness, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

With You Always

October 22, 2015 by Leave a Comment

sunset rays MGD©Fleeting moments of sleep evaporated into the shadows of night as I awoke and stared again at the clock. How many more hours and minutes until 5 a.m. when we had to rise to make our early morning trek to the medical center?

Although I believed and hoped the results would be positive, I struggled with a certain amount of apprehension and uneasiness about my upcoming eye surgery. As sleep continued to dodge in and out, my restive mind floated prayers into the lost moments of slumber.

The next morning passed in a swirl of paperwork, eye charts, needle pricks, IV lines, and high-toned beeps, which later morphed into a semi-conscious blur of Velcro strapped limbs, dazzling lights, bright colors, and drippy eye drop residue.

At home after the surgery I was alarmed when my vision was fuzzy. It was worse than it had been a day earlier—not better.

“It’s not supposed to be this way,’ I told my husband. “Everyone says I should see better right away.”

In my Bible study the week before, I had read Revelations 1: 8 where Jesus said “I am the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last.” The study question had asked, ‘What does this mean to you?”

I responded that, since Jesus was in the past as well as the future, for me it meant that wherever I went Jesus would be there with me.

Lying in bed that day, I reflected back on my response at the Bible study. Jesus was with me.

Yes, I knew this was true. He had been with me throughout the surgery and he was with me now.

One by one, scriptures dropped into my mind:

“Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

“The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)

I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I would be fine. God was in charge. I just needed to stay focused on Him.

The next day at my follow-up visit, the doctor checked my eyes and explained the reason for my slow recovery, assuring me things would clear up soon. Gradually the blurriness subsided and within the week my vision was restored. Colors popped. The world appeared in high definition.

Life is full of scary incidents. It may be surgery, illness, or unpaid bills. It may be a spouse leaving and asking for divorce. It may be a child in rebellion. But all the while, Jesus is with us, taking care of us. Nothing escapes his notice, and nothing is beyond His power. He is capable of so much more than we can imagine.

In the midst of unsettling times, God is teaching us to trust Him. He wants us to lift our eyes to Him instead of fearing the outcome of menacing circumstances rising up around us. He wants our restless minds and troubled hearts to rest in Him. He is bigger, stronger, and smarter. We worship an all-seeing, all-knowing God, who isn’t intimidated by the mud pies the world slings at us.

We are never alone. God promised to be with us always. And Jesus keeps his promises.

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Matthew 27:1

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Filed Under: faith, Fear, health issues, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Out of the Dust: Story of an Unlikely Missionary by Avis Goodhart – Interview with Collaborative Writer Marti Pieper

October 15, 2015 by 1 Comment

Out of the Dust - Cover - Marti PieperThis week I’m privileged to interview Marti Pieper, a dear friend and collaborative writer who has put into words the story of a woman who surmounted huge obstacles in her life through a faith that grew through the challenges. By surrendering her life to God, Avis Goodhart not only became stronger herself, but eventually began to serve others and glorify God in powerful ways.

As a collaborative writer, Marti Pieper has used her passion to read, write and pray to help produce eight non-fiction books, including Out of the Dust, which received AWSA’s Golden Scroll Nonfiction Merit Award this past summer.

Linda: The title of your book intrigues me, Marti. Could you tell my readers how you came up with the title, Out of the Dust?

Marti: I wrote the book for missionary Avis Goodhart. Pacasmayo, the small city where her ministry is based, is a dusty place. Avis founded an orphanage, church, and school there, all built on top of a landfill. When I stayed there to interview Avis and others, I had to wear sunglasses whenever I went out—not because it was so sunny, but because of the constant dust in the air.

But the “dust” in the title is also a metaphor for the lives God has used Avis to bring out of brokenness. Her own background is a prime example of that. Her book also includes small stories of other lives God has brought out of the dust through her ministry.

A Faith That Overcomes

Linda: You say the author overcame personal obstacles. Could you tell us a little bit about that? How did her faith help her through them?

Marti: Some of the first obstacles Avis had to overcome began in her childhood. Her father loved her, but he suffered from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of his service in World War II. As a result, the family made multiple moves—often with only a few minutes’ notice. Seven children and two parents traveled in one old car with all their belongings stuffed into the trunk and piled on top. One year, Avis and her siblings went to ten different schools.

Avis was also a victim of child sexual abuse and, like many in that situation, believed she was dirty and somehow at fault. But her faith in Christ helped her gain a new identity in Him and confidence in His power. Now, she reminds others that God can use them no matter what. One of her favorite sayings is, “Don’t waste your pain.”

Avis also experienced the pain of infidelity with both her marriages. Her teen marriage ended after eleven years, and she later remarried. But she soon realized her new husband struggled with alcohol and infidelity. One night, she sat on her bed, telling God she was ready to stop being a good girl. “I have the name (divorcée), why not play the game?” she thought.

But God had other plans. He showed her a movie in her mind of a woman fixing up house after house and trying to please man after man. None of those relationships worked, and Avis realized God wanted her full surrender. Once she gave Him her life and her plans, He restored her marriage in a miraculous way.

Linda: How did Avis’s background of pain lead her into mission work?

Marti: That’s another great story. Avis has dyslexia, and after she raised her children, she went to college and became a special education teacher so she could help others with disabilities. Her interest in missions began in childhood, but she didn’t follow up on it for many years. After she became a teacher, she started taking mission trips with her nieces in the summertime, traveling cross-country to tell others about Christ.

But God kept calling her to do more. She offered herself to various mission organizations, telling them she was available during summer break and would pay her own way, but she never heard back from any of them. Finally, at age fifty, she took her first mission trip with a friend and saw God use her in incredible ways. She then began taking mission trips on her own. Eventually, God led her to Peru, where she founded and built an orphanage, Casa de Paz (“House of Peace”) as well as a church and school.

A Faith That Reaches Out

Linda: How has her faith helped her in her ministry? Could you share a story from your book about this?

Marti: Avis’s strong faith is the reason she went to Peru—and all the other countries—in the first place. She’s an “unlikely missionary,” as the book’s subtitle describes her, because with her background as well as her disability, most people would not consider her a good missionary candidate. Avis not only has dyslexia but also suffered an attack of Bell’s Palsy which left permanent damage, so she had to leave the teaching profession. But God uses us as we make ourselves available to Him.

A great example of her faith and availability is told in Chapter 13, “Hurricane!” Before Avis founded the ministry in Peru, she served multiple times in Honduras. When Hurricane Mitch hit that country, she believed God wanted her to bring supplies for its victims from her hometown in Arkansas. Tyson Foods lent her a semi-truck and driver, and Avis solicited enough donations to fill the entire truck.

Despite many obstacles, she traveled on a shrimp boat to reach Honduras with the supplies during the final stages of the hurricane. First, the shrimp boat captain didn’t want her to come, but she prayed and persisted until she was signed on as a crew member. Next, she became terribly ill from the wind and waves. For three days, she lay in a cabin, almost unable to move. But once she felt better, the first thing she did was to have a praise party right there on the deck of the ship. The crew laughed at her, but Avis didn’t care. She knew she had to worship the great God who protected her.

Linda: That’s fantastic, Marti. What a a great story! I’m sure some people are wondering about your role as a Marti Pieper“collaborative author.” Would you tell us a little about what this means and what your part was in writing Out of the Dust?

Marti: A collaborative writer is someone who writes books or other materials on behalf of others. The authors for whom I write often don’t have time or ability to write their own books. They’re usually busy running a ministry or traveling to speak. I love being the one who helps them put their messages or stories into print.

On a few of my book projects, I remain hidden—in other words, my name doesn’t appear on the cover. That’s called ghostwriting. But on this book and two others, my name is listed on the cover (“with Marti Pieper”), so I’m considered a collaborative writer.

Linda: Thank you so much, Marti, for telling us about Avis and her ministry. I pray that her story will encourage others to follow her example of faith. How can readers connect with Avis and with you?

Marti: They can connect with Avis through Facebook www.facebook.com/avis.goodhart or at her ministry’s website, www.go-yeministries.com. They can also see a video of Avis’s most recent appearance on 100 Huntley Street at: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Iz9jKnGiN4.

They can find me at my website, www.martipieper.com, on Facebook, www.facebook.com/marti.pieper, or on Twitter, www.twitter.com/MartiPieper. Thanks so much for this privilege, Linda!

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Filed Under: BOOKS, faith, health issues, How to win, Interviews, Knowing God, Praise, Sexual abuse, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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