Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

May 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

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Soul Care When You’re Weary – Interview with Author Edie Melson

March 17, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When life gets crazy, it can also be exhausting. As troubles mount, time for ourselves dwindle and time with God almost disappears. So how do we take care of ourselves and our relationship with God in the midst of turmoil? How do we strengthen our inner life and find soul care?

Edie Melson calls herself an organized creative, a woman of faith with ink-stained fingers who observes life through the lens of her camera. She’s a writer who feels lost without her camera. Her book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, merges faith and creativity to offer a way forward to those who are overwhelmed by circumstances and unable to find time for rest.  I believe you’ll enjoy hearing about her unique and simple way of connecting with God when the busyness of life threatens to eliminate it.

Linda: The title of this book reached out and grabbed me. I think so many of us are weary for so many reasons. What specifically put you on the path to writing this book?

Edie: This book grew out of a difficult time in my own life. My mother was at the end of caring for my father as he finished his battle with Alzheimer’s. My sister and I were doing our best to help support her and, after years of caregiving, we were all exhausted.

I remember one day in particular crying out to God for help. I knew I needed more of Him to get through this, but I was too tired to spend time in prolonged Bible study or even Bible reading. At night my prayer time most often ended with me falling asleep instead of whispering amen. Everywhere I turned, all I saw was how I was letting everyone down.

In that moment of desperation, I felt God ask me to give Him the small, in-between-times during the day and allow Him to fill me up. He promised to revive my spirit and my strength in ways I never imagined—and He told me to do it using creativity.

Linda: Creativity? What exactly did that process look like?

Edie: Well to begin with, it looked very disorganized and messy. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not an artist—I don’t draw and barely manage to doodle. But creativity is in my blood. My mother is an internationally known watercolorist and mixed media artist and my father is a classical musician turned landscape photographer. Truthfully, if I hadn’t been creative in some respect I’m afraid they’d have kicked me out of the family.

So I went back to my roots and began small. I started carrying a tiny notebook and pack of four colored pencils in my purse. When I was waiting at the hospital or had a few minutes of downtime in my schedule, I’d pull out that notebook and write a word, or phrase or Bible verse. Then I’d color around it. As I took time to be creative, God used that to help me focus on Him. The more I spent time with Him, the more His strength and peace filled my soul.

One day I remembered doodling the word faith and just staring at it, unable to do anything creative with it. Instead, I asked God about faith, what it looked like when the world around me was dark. Before I knew it, I’d drawn a bright yellow circle around the world and felt like God was telling me that faith provides light in the dark.

Linda: How did you take the lessons you learned then and turn them into your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary?

Edie: After daddy passed, I had several people ask me how I got through that time and found myself reluctant to admit that—in essence—play time with God had been my strength. It just sounded so frivolous and unimportant. So I went back to God’s word and searched for passages about creativity and rest, and that led me to the Sabbath. And there I found the truth of what had happened to me.

God reached me by restoring a rhythm of rest to my life that had been missing. I knew that other people were struggling with weariness and I decided to share what I’d learned.

Linda: How does your book, Soul Care When You’re Weary, help with that?

Edie: First of all, Soul Care When You’re Weary is a small book. I filled it with short devotions and prayers that someone could read in three to five minutes. Interspersed with those, I dropped in creative exercises that connect us to God. This is a book to play with. It has room to draw, doodle and be messy—all while focusing on God.

Linda: Tell me more about rest and soul care.

Edie: We have become a society that honors busyness and disdains play. The world around us is continuing to spiral out of control. Our lives are busier and the margin we have available for recovery and peace is shrinking. As we struggle to cope and search for answers, we’ve neglected the legacy of creativity that’s been passed to us from our Heavenly Father. This legacy isn’t frivolous. It’s foundational to the deep relationship with God we all need.

Busyness isn’t the way God designed us to operate. We function best when we have regular times of rest. But these times are supposed to be much more than just taking naps or getting eight hours of sleep every night. They’re times when we connect with our Heavenly Father without distractions. For me, that connection came through creativity.

That experience showed me how I can find the rest I need when I reconnect with God through creativity. There’s something reflective and contemplative that happens when we allow ourselves time to play while focusing on God.

Linda: Do you have some tips on how we can apply this process to our own lives?

Edie: I definitely do. Here’s how I suggest you begin with doodling:

  1. Remember this is a judgment-free zone. We’re not allowed to compare the supposed merit of our results with our expectations or with what anyone else creates. The point of these healing moments is strictly a time of play with our Heavenly Father.
  2. Invite God to join you and ask Him to bring to mind a word or phrase or Bible verse. If all you hear is silence, do a quick search on your phone like this, “Bible verses about peace.” God’s word is healing. It doesn’t matter how we get to it.
  3. Write what comes to mind on a blank sheet of paper.
  4. Add some color and doodles. Remember, judgment-free zone. The point of this is play.
  5. As other related thoughts come to mind, write those down.Pick the colors you love and use them with abandon. Remember that frustration with this process is tied tightly to expectations. Don’t let expectations of how something should look derail your experience with God.

Remember that anything new takes time to feel comfortable—even play—especially if you haven’t played in a long time. God wants to meet you right where you are. There’s no need for a silent get-away to experience the peace He has for you. Instead, dust off your creativity and get ready to spend some memorable—play-time—moments with your Creative Father.

Linda: Where can people find Soul Care When You’re Weary and how can readers find out more about you, your speaking, and your writing?

Edie: You can find out more about me and my books on www.ediemelson.com and through social media.

 

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Overcoming Obstacles in Your Marriage to Find Joy for the Journey

October 17, 2019 by 1 Comment

A True Love Story that Unlocks the Secret of How to Overcome –

I still remember that first phone call from Jolene as she described the situation in her marriage that was causing her such heartache. Her husband’s life and hers were going in two different directions as their expectations diverged and their emotional needs increasingly went unmet. She had tried to get Rick to understand why she was unhappy and what he was doing that was causing such anxiety, hurt, and discouragement. But he simply didn’t get it.

When she called me, she was ready to walk away from the marriage.

“Do you think Marriage 911 would help us?” she asked. “Is ours the type of situation that would benefit from your class?”

I told her I believed it would. And so they came . . . even though Rick still didn’t understand Jolene’s concern. During those thirteen weeks they faithfully went through the Marriage 911 workbook with the class and participated in their individual small groups. Jolene stayed strong, believing God would break through their gridlock as she read Broken Heart on Hold and allowed God to nurture her heart.

Rick struggled honestly to understand, and then somewhere in the middle of the class, my husband Marv, the leader of Rick’s group, spoke words that illuminated a new understanding in Rick’s mind. A light went off. For years afterward, Rick not only remembered my husband’s words verbatim, but repeated them regularly every time he spoke of this incident. “It’s the appearance of impropriety . . . even though it’s not actual impropriety, it’s the appearance of impropriety.” Once he heard the words, the words popped. He saw it. He got it!

As the thirteen weeks wore on, Jolene’s smile grew more radiant as she began to understand Rick’s new appreciation for her concerns. Their communication began to improve. By the end of the class, their marriage had taken a new turn toward wholeness and healing.

Wanting More Joy for the Journey

But Rick and Jolene weren’t satisfied to stop at merely fixing the problem. They wanted more for their marriage. They wanted to avoid any other slips into miscommunication. They had heard enough stories and learned enough to know more was possible. They didn’t want just an okay marriage or even a good marriage. They wanted a fantastic marriage. They wanted to experience true joy for the journey as they traveled this life together. And they were willing to do whatever necessary to pursue that dream.

They went on a weekend retreat called Retrouvaille where they learned to communicate more clearly and connect with each other’s hearts. They took more marriage classes like Love and Respect, Marriage Oneness and others and read books to grow their relationship. They went on a weekend retreat called Weekend to Remember sponsored by Family Life, which took them to a whole new level of appreciation for one another. One of their favorite romantic adventures was going on a Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise, sponsored by Family Life.

In the span of about a year they went from a marriage drifting into possible separation or divorce to a marriage that soared with new possibilities. They had found the joy for the journey they’d been looking for.

A Second Phone Call

A little over a year after they had participated in Marriage 911, I received another phone call from Jolene. After telling me about the transformation in their marriage, she told me they now wanted to give back and help others achieve the joy in their marriages like they had found for their own journey. They became leaders in our Marriage 911 class and then began to facilitate other marriage classes as well. They became active in a wonderful Christian program called Tres Dias that took people on a closer walk with Christ. Rick had a heart for men and organized a Stepping Up seminar at church where many men made stronger commitments to God and to their roles as leaders in their home and church.  Rick and Jolene’s marriage became a shining light to others, and for ten years they touched countless other lives and marriages through their ministry.

A New Crisis in Their Marriage

But a year and a half ago, something began happening to Rick that they didn’t understand. A new challenge was unfolding – a life changing one that would take them on a new and frightening journey.

I first noticed it in our Marriage 911 class when I asked Rick, as one of our leaders, to come up to the microphone and offer a prayer. He limped to the front of the room, leaning on a cane. Questions went off in my mind. What was wrong with Rick? Why was he using a cane?

I later learned he had been experiencing weakness in his joints. After a number of doctor’s appointments and medical tests, Rick was diagnosed with ALS.

ALS is a terrible fatal disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, causing loss of muscle control. The muscles all over the body begin to get weaker until paralysis sets in. It’s also called Lou Gehrig’s Disease. In spite of his body growing weaker, however, Rick and Jolene’s faith grew even stronger. They prayed together. They laughed together. And they cried together –always hanging onto hope because they knew their hope was anchored on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ.

And they continued to minister together. At the beginning of this year, Jolene wheeled Rick into our Marriage 911 class in a wheel chair so they could once more share their testimony before our class about how God had healed their marriage. They continued sharing with others all through this time to convey to them how God has given them joy for the journey—even on a journey as difficult as the one they traveled this past year. Because of their beautiful witness, others saw Jesus’ redemptive love and joy shine forth from their lives in a number of venues again and again, even as Rick suffered through debilitating illness and affliction and Jolene walked by his side.

On September 26 of this year, Rick was healed—not in the earthly way we had prayed for—but In God’s infinite mercy He took Rick home before the pain had intensified. God gave Rick a new heavenly body, perfectly designed for Rick’s eternal home in heaven.

Through Jolene’s tears, I see the joy of having a love that endured the pain of their earlier years, a love that overcame misunderstandings and heartache, a love that persevered through sickness and affliction, a love that grew to soar on wings like eagles as together they ministered to other hurting hearts and lives and brought people to Christ so others could experience a joy of their own.

The Love Story Rick Left Behind for Us to Share

But before his homecoming to Heaven, during the early days of his illness when he was being diagnosed with ALS, Rick wrote a love letter to Jolene that says it all. Here is a part of it.

“Having the pleasure of you as my wife has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not always been the best of husbands, but you have stood by me in good times and in bad. I can’t imagine anyone else but you by my side.

As we have learned to show the kind of love and respect that we each need, I have gained a new understanding of how awesome God’s design for marriage can be. Your love for me has made me a better man. You have helped me be the leader of our home and have given me the confidence to be God’s servant to you and others. I thank you for your faith and your love for God.

Thank you for joining me on this wonderful journey. You have given my life purpose. You still are the woman of my dreams and all I could have hoped for. Thank you for loving me for who I am and treating me like a man of God. I love you with all my heart… I love you more”

Rick and Jolene not only overcame, they went further. They learned. They grew. And then they gave to others. Their joy was grounded in the never-changing love of God which fueled their own love, a love that overcame and gave them joy for the journey.

For one last glimpse of the man we are honoring today, you can hear from his own lips and Jolene’s how God has accompanied them throughout their lives and during this difficult battle with ALS to give them joy for the journey. This was taped about a month before God took Rick home.

Video of Rick when he had ALS https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RLXueUn76CB9TFFznnFlT3a0l1H7s3R6/view

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” Philippians 2: 1-4

Would you like to leave a comment? How did this story encourage you?

 

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Filed Under: Expectations, Grief, health, health issues, Hope, How to win, joy, Love, Marriage problems, New Directions, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

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Love & Care For The One and Only You – Interview with Author Michelle Medlock Adams

January 6, 2016 by 5 Comments

Love and Care For the One & Only YouAs you shrug off the last vestiges of 2015 and walk into a new year, many of you are asking yourselves what lies ahead and how you should approach the new challenges. Sometimes the first thing to do is simply start where you are—with you. Michelle Medlock Adams wants to help you begin that journey through her book, Love & Care For The One and Only You by providing inspiration that will help you face your tomorrows with health, hope, and confidence.

Michelle is an award-winning journalist, speaker, and best-selling author, earning top honors from the Associated Press, the Society of Professional Journalists and the Hoosier State Press Association. Author of over 70 books, her book, Divine Stories of the Yahweh Sisterhood, was named a Family Christian Bookstores Premiere Pick in 2006. I’m so pleased to be able to start off 2016 by interviewing someone whom I believe can give you a positive and practical focus for launching into the New Year.

Linda: If you had to summarize what your book, Love & Care For The One and Only You is about in just a few words, what phrase would you use?

Michelle: Striving for progress, not perfection.

Linda: Sounds like something we can all happily relate to. Elaborate on that, would you?

Michelle: Of course. I believe when we accept the fact that we’ll never be perfect, it’s so freeing. It’s true, we will probably never have that perfect supermodel physique, but we are perfectly loved by Almighty God! Once I realized that truth and began striving for progress, not perfection, I could celebrate the little goals I was achieving on this health and fitness journey. That brought joy to the journey, and that changed everything for me. I believe it will change everything for those who read my book, as well.

Linda: What prompted you to write Love & Care For The One and Only You?

Michelle: Well, when I was in journalism school at Indiana University, I was always taught to “Write what you know,” and I know the struggle is real when it comes to achieving a healthy life in all areas—spirit, mind and body. But, I also know the secret lies in God. Exercise gimmicks and gadgets, diet pills and potions, and fad diet programs will all fade away, but God’s Word remains forever true and jam-packed with wisdom. I wanted to communicate those truths in a way that was non-judgmental and encouraging, and that’s why I felt compelled to write this book.

Linda: How is your book different from other health and fitness books in the marketplace?

Michelle: This is not your typical “go for the burn” “be more disciplined” “work out more, eat less” fitness book. This is an inspirational devotional that encourages women to become the best version of themselves; to strive for progress, not perfection; and to live a happier, healthier life. I want women who read my book to realize that they are precious to God and that their lives matter, which is why they need to become healthy and whole to fulfill their individual callings. Whether a stay-at-home mom or a businesswoman, we can accomplish more and be happier if we’re spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy. Women shouldn’t just go through the motions of life exhausted, but rather enjoy every day life empowered!

Linda: I so agree with you there! I know you’ve written more than 70 books—many specifically for women—is your latest book similar to any of your other devotionals for women?

Michelle: Love & Care For The One and Only You is probably most similar to my 60-day devotionals (Barbour) called, Secrets of Happiness and Secrets of Beauty. However, Love & Care For The One And Only You is my first inspirational title about becoming spiritually, emotionally and physically fit.

Linda: How did your personal background/experiences prepare you for the writing of this book?

Michelle: My personal background plays into the writing of this book because I have always been and am currently a certified fitness Michelle Adamsinstructor. I love helping women get healthy! And, I love encouraging others—whether that’s through personal training, speaking at churches and women’s events, or through the words in my books. Plus, I am in the trenches with these readers! I’ve battled self-esteem issues much of my life, and I know how the devil works, whispering in our ears that we’re not good enough. But I also know that through His Word, we can be confident that we are more than enough! That we are conquerors! That we are the head and not the tail! That we are the apple of God’s eye! That we are empowered and able to do all things through Christ Jesus! And, that our Heavenly Father treasures us!

Linda: Who is this book for, specifically?

Michelle: Love & Care For The One And Only You is written for women who are discouraged, disgusted and disillusioned by the supermodel fitness expert offering weight-loss and exercise advice. Like me, they have probably tried and failed at numerous “fool-proof diet plans” and started and quit more exercise programs than they care to admit. They are busy with endless responsibilities. They want to eat better and live a healthier life but many have given up.

My book is for successful business women, moms, grandmoms and women who have been subjected to fitness programs and diet plans that required so much and gave back so little. Unrealistic expectations, ridiculous and restrictive rules, and unattainable goals may have left many of my readers without hope, without vision, and without a workable solution. My message is one of hope, vision and workable solutions, equipping them with the power tools it takes to become healthier spiritually, emotionally and physically. I know these readers because I am one of these readers. I’ve lived it. I’ve learned it, and now I’m sharing it with the other women who desperately need faith, hope and fitness.

Linda: How does caring for yourself contribute to resolving relationship issues?

Michelle: You know, I believe that when we get healthy—spiritually, physically and mentally—we become better in every area including our relationships. Personally speaking, when I feel better about myself, I am more apt to try new things and be more engaging and adventurous in life. I am just happier and more fun to be around, which in turn, makes my spouse happier. In addition, getting healthy can be a great way to bond with your significant other. I speak about that in my book, actually. My hubby of 24 years, Jeff, and I love to go on walks together and hit the gym as a couple. We also love to cook together, trying out new healthy recipes side by side. He’s actually a better cook than I am, but don’t tell him I admitted that, haha. (There are healthy recipes included in my book!) We achieve healthy goals together, and we celebrate those achievements together which makes them even more meaningful.

Linda: Are there times when caring for yourself can actually have a detrimental effect on relationships? Can we overdo the idea of caring for self?

Michelle: I think we can overdo anything in life and it can become detrimental. If we become too self-absorbed, then that can definitely be a negative in our relationships with God and with our families. It’s really all about your mindset. If you’re simply working out and eating healthy so that you can fit into your skinny jeans and feel hot, then your mindset isn’t where it should be. Fitting into your skinny jeans and feeling good about yourself are certainly benefits from making healthy choices but they shouldn’t be your sole motivation. Caring for ourselves is vital so that we can better care for (and enjoy) those precious people in our lives, as well as fulfill our destinies here on earth. If we are too tired or feel too awful in our bodies, then we won’t have the energy to fulfill all that God has for us to do in this lifetime.

Linda: Any parting words?

Michelle: I so wish I could physically be there to go on this health and wellness journey with each of the ladies who picks up my book, but it’s the next best thing. I’ve prayed over this book, and I so believe it’s from the heart of God. Lastly, if you’ve talked yourself into thinking that the status quo is as good as it gets, I’m here to tell you that is not the case. You can be happier, stronger and healthier in 2016, and you can enjoy the journey! I just want my sisters out there to go into this New Year excited and encouraged.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Michelle: You can learn more on my website at www.michellemedlockadams.com

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From Worthless to Worthy, Interview with Author Julie Morris

August 6, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Julie Morris booksAfter a lifetime of struggling with unhealthy extra pounds and negative thoughts that also weighed her down, Julie Morris discovered practical ways to rely on God’s power instead of her own shaky willpower. She lost her weight 30 years ago and was amazed to find that her worries and paralyzing feelings of low self-esteem began to disappear as well.

This week, I am interviewing Julie Morris, author of From Worthless to Worthy. She is not only the author of 12 books, but also a lay counselor and founder of Step Forward Christian Weight-Loss Program and Guided By Him—a lighter and easier version of Step Forward. She presents seminars, retreats, and workshops across the country that inspire her audiences to make exciting changes toward becoming the person they have always wanted to be.  Julie was also a secretary at the Pentagon and supervisor of a large hospital medical-surgical unit. I’m so pleased to  interview her today.

Linda: Julie, tell us what inspired you to write the book entitled From Worthless to Worthy.

Julie: I wrote From Worthless to Worthy because, after a lifetime of battling debilitating feelings of inferiority, I finally discovered how to get free of them. I learned practical things I could do to get God’s promises from my head to my heart, and when the truth of his unconditional love for me sunk in, it changed my life. The things I discovered were just too good to keep to myself!

Linda: When did your feelings of inferiority begin?

Julie: Everywhere I turned when I was growing up someone was taunting me—putting labels on me. People called me things like “Fat,” ”Worrywart,” and “Stupid.” These labels penetrated deep into my soul, leaving me with scars far more disfiguring than ones that are just skin deep. The hurt was so overwhelming that it had a paralyzing effect on me—keeping me stuck in destructive habits and swirling thoughts. I didn’t feel like I made mistakes; I felt like I WAS one. I discovered at a very young age that sticks and stones can break your bones, but names can…hurt far worse.

When I felt bad about myself, I found that there was one place I could go that would make me feel better right away: the refrigerator. It’s no surprise that my problems grew and so did I! The fatter I got, the more upset I became; the more stressed out I got, the more I ate. I felt powerless to change.

Overcoming Inferiority

Linda: That must have been devastating. You mentioned that the key to overcoming your inferiority feelings was to get God’s words from your head to your heart. So even as a Christian you apparently struggled with these feelings of inferiority. What happened to make the difference? So many of us know what God’s Word says, but we have problems believing it is true for us personally. What was the most important truth you learned that took away those feelings of inferiority?

Julie: I finally discovered in Psalm 34:5 the secret to overcoming feelings of inferiority—“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” I realized that I needed to start looking to the Lord for my identity. I was a King’s kid and needed to remind myself of that often. Instead of focusing on my weaknesses, problems and the critical remarks of others, I changed my focus to the Lord and what his Word says about me.

Linda: And how did you do that? How did you actually get God’s words from your head to your heart so they would stay there?

Julie: I discovered how to have a 15-minute quiet time every day focusing on the truth from God’s Word. When I had a quiet time consistently in this way, I found that I didn’t just know the truth in my head; I experienced it in my life. No longer was I stuck in weaknesses, regrets and vicious cycles. I finally was able to lose my harmful extra pounds and the horrible negative thoughts that also weighed me down. I call this time “My 15-Minute Miracle” because it is so helpful. Because I am still having my quiet times daily, I am continuing to experience new miracles in my life.

Linda: Which particular promises of God have given you the most assurances of your worthiness and why?

Julie: Here are a few of the verses that have helped me most:
• Ephesians 1:5 “His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.” I am God’s beloved child!

• Deuteronomy 33:12 “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him for he shields him all day long. The one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” I can rest, protected in his arms!

• 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I am fully forgiven!

• 2 Corinthians 12:8 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” He will change my weaknesses to strengths!

• Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” God is singing love songs over me!

• Titus 3:5 “He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy.” I don’t have to earn his favor because I already have it!

Where to Begin

Linda: If someone wants to study the Bible as you suggested and are at a very low point in their life, where in the Bible do you suggest they should begin so that they will find the most hope?

Julie: Start with the verse (above) that speaks to you most. Write it down in a notebook or prayer journal. Consider this verse a letter to you from God. Now write him a short note telling him how his words help you today. Choose a different verse each day and write God a short letter about it. I have discovered that prayer journaling in this way helps keep me focused on the Lord and his promises. And memorizing his promises propels them from my head to my heart so they become a part of who I am.

Linda: How did understanding your temperament and spiritual gifts help you to feel more worthy?

Julie: Learning about temperaments and spiritual gifts helped me to realize that God made me the way I was—with a plan and a purpose. Some of the things I hated about myself, such as my absent-mindedness and tendency to be messy, were just part of my Sanguine temperament. I could finally stop beating myself up over my negative qualities and start making plans on how to rely on the Lord’s help to overcome them. At the same time, I started rejoicing over the positive qualities of a Sanguine—a friendly, out-going nature that motivates others. I realized that I would miss out on many blessings if I kept my eyes on my inability and inferiority instead of appreciating the temperament and spiritual gifts God had given me.

Linda: Is there anything else you want to share with my readers who may be hurting right now?

Dealing with the Low Points

Julie: Yes. When I have been at low points in my life, several other biblical truths have lifted me out of the pit:

• God is close to the brokenhearted. If you reach out to him, he’ll give you his peace—even in terrible situations. (Psalm 34:18)

• God is in the miracle-making business. He can do the impossible. Don’t try to fix things yourself; surrender them to him! (Matthew 19:26)

• God changes misery to ministry. No pain is wasted in his economy. He will give you the opportunity to share with others the lessons you have learned. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

• God wants us to forgive—even the unforgivable. Nursing a grudge or harboring bitterness is like giving yourself poison and expecting the other person to die! We forgive, not because the other person deserves it, but so that we can be set free from the torment that comes with unforgiveness. (Ephesians 4:27)

• God wants us to reach out to someone trustworthy for help. When we’re going through trials, a Christian counselor, pastor or prayer partner can offer just the helping-hand we need. (James 5:16)

Linda: I know that you have written 12 books. What have the other 11 books focused on?

Julie: In each of my books I help my readers to overcome weaknesses by relying on God’s strength—just as I have. I have written two Christian weight-loss programs as well as a sequel to From Worthless to Worthy, titled From Worry to Worship.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about your books and your speaking?

Julie: You can find more at: www.guidedbyhim.com, www.stepforwarddiet.com, www.worrytoworship.com, and www.worthlesstoworthy.com. For speaking, readers can find a list of some of my favorite topics at www.findjulie.com.

 

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Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make – An Interview with Author Georgia Shaffer

July 9, 2014 by 7 Comments

Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women MakeThis week I’m interviewing Georgia Shaffer, author of Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make.  In addition to authoring several books, Georgia is a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania, a Christian life coach, and a professional speaker who is a charter member of AACC’s International Christian Coaching Association. Her story and photos are featured in the film Letters to God, where she shares her story as a cancer survivor who was told over 22 years ago that she had a two percent chance of living another 10 years.

Wow! What a privilege to be able to spend some time with Georgia so she can share bits of her wisdom with you all.  I’m excited about what you’ll hear from her today. And, by the way, Men, don’t let the title fool you. This is for you too.

Linda: In your book, Avoiding 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make you talk a lot about relational blind spots. We can all relate to the idea of having visual blind spots when driving, but what do you mean by the term “relational blind spot”?

Georgia: A relational blind spot is our inability to see things in ourselves, or in others close to us, as they really are. A blind spot may also be something we do notice but discount as not important when, in fact, that thing is very significant. About 80 percent of the time, we see our connections with others accurately. But 20 percent of the time, we only think we see ourselves or our relationships clearly, when, in fact, we do not. Unfortunately, self-deception is not the exception.

 Linda: What led you to write about relational blind spots in this book?

 Georgia: Years ago when I was researching for a previous book, I came across the concept of “psychological blind spots.” The source did not refer to them as “relational.” As I thought about how they impact our interactions with others, I decided to call them “relational blind spots.”  What’s interesting is that I never learned about these blind spots, even though I’m a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania. It was a new concept for me.

As I spoke about relational blind spots at retreats and conferences, I realized I wasn’t the only one that didn’t know about their existence.

Our relational blind spots are so important. Jesus talks about them in Matthew 7:3 when he says we fail to pay attention to our blindness. I wrote Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make to help more people understand that we all have relational blind spots, what they are, and how we can minimize their destructive impact.

Linda: You talk about this for women.  But I don’t want to let the men off the hook here. So tell me, do men have relational blind spots too?

 Georgia: Even though the book focuses on women, men have the same blind spots as women do.

Common Blind Spots

 Linda: What is one of our most common blind spots?

 Georgia: The blind spot of failing to pay attention to our limitations.

 Just like a gas tank has a limited capacity and needs to be refilled to keep a car running, we have a limited amount of financial, physical, mental and emotional resources. If we fail to pay attention to our limits, rather than accepting and accommodating for them, our relationships suffer. Sometimes the relationship consequences of this failure are minor. We might just become mildly annoying and people might wish we would just relax. Other times, failure to heed our limitations can cause irreparable damage—like a divorce.

Rather than ignore our limitations, we need to embrace them. God created us with our particular limitations, so we honor him when we learn to live within them.

We need to be intentional about taking time to recharge and renew ourselves—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When I’m trying to do too much too fast, that’s usually when I am most crabby with those around me. Unfortunately, too many times I don’t realize how irritated or exhausted I am until I hurt someone’s feelings.

If your readers are interested in knowing all 12 of the relationship mistakes we make, they might want to visit the free resources page at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com for a complete list.

Linda: Once we realize we have blind spots, what are two things we can do to protect our relationships from the destructive blind spots?

Georgia: First, seek God’s wisdom: Jesus told his disciples, “Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear” (Matthew 13:16 NIV). To be like that, we need to pray that the Holy Spirit, the spirit of truth, will guide us and show us what we miss.

Second, listen to wise counsel: Since we can miss what is obvious to others, seeking and listening to wise counsel is vital. Other people usually have a clearer understanding of our shortcomings than we do. A neutral, trustworthy, wise person can give us insight into a difficult situation. In Proverbs 15:31 NLT, we read, “If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise.”

Be sure, however, to seek counsel only from safe, godly people you have learned are trustworthy. Don’t go around asking everyone’s advice. If you do, you will be sure to get bad advice.

Becoming Self-Aware

Linda:  You say that to have healthy relationships we have to see ourselves as we really are. What are some characteristics of people who are self-aware? 

Georgia: People who rate high in self-awareness are:

–        Clear about what they do well and how they can help others

–        Aware of their flaws and hidden motives

–        Willing to spend time on self-reflection

–        Open to learning from their mistakes 

One research study of top performers in a work setting found that 83 percent of them also rated high in self-awareness. If you want to be a top performer in your relationships, then you will cultivate self-awareness.

Linda:  Another interesting blind spot you write about is “Thinking we are the exception to the rule.” Tell me more about that.

 Georgia: We incorrectly assume that other people’s experiences don’t apply to our lives. We do this often. We think we’re different somehow. A friend who read a draft of Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make told her husband about the illustration I used to discuss this blind spot. I talk about the visual blind spots we have on either side of a car’s front windshield. Unless we move our head forward and backward, something like a truck or pedestrian can be hidden behind the frame that supports the windshield.

“My car doesn’t have that blind spot,” her husband said. A few weeks later, however, he came home from work, shaking.

“What happened?” my friend asked”

“I barely missed hitting a truck that was hidden by that blind spot on the side of my windshield. . . I guess I do have that blind spot after all.”

Although you are unique, that does not necessarily mean you are exceptional. As Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.”

Linda:  While I know we can’t avoid all misunderstandings and conflicts, what is another thing we can do routinely to minimize relational difficulties? 

Georgia: Be willing to cultivate self-awareness. Take time for reflection, asking God to help you see yourself as you are and to understand that he loves and accepts you as you are—the good parts and the unflattering ones.

At first, seeing ourselves as we are is uncomfortable. Once we make that breakthrough, we can make wiser decisions. Most importantly, we can experience the relational freedom God intends for us to enjoy.

 Linda: Thanks, Georgia. I imagine we’ve all learned to look at ourselves in a new way. Tell us again where we can learn more about the other relational blindspots and where we can find more about your book, 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make. Also, some readers today may want to know how to find out more about your other books, including the one about surviving cancer, as well as your ministry and coaching.

Georgia: Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make, along with the other books I’ve written, is available at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com on the book page. It can also be found at all online bookstores such as Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life after Loss is about my journey and the stories of others who rebuilt their life after an unwanted change. For me it was the loss of my health, job and marriage that I experienced twenty some years ago.

Taking Out Your Emotional Trash discusses how to handle feelings such as anger, resentment and unmet expectations in a constructive way. We want to deal with our junk before we trash our relationships. 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, health, Interviews, marriage, Marriage problems, mistakes, New Directions, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,
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