More Heart Talk on Heart Talk

August 20, 2020 by 9 Comments

Photo by Mimi Thian

When I first envisioned writing my blog and calling it Heart Talk, it was with the idea of connecting more personally with my readers. Since I frequently receive emails from those reading Broken Heart on Hold or Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I thought a blog would give readers an opportunity on a regular basis to respond to what I write and ask questions, tell their stories, or whatever they’d like to say. In addition, I hoped to create a community of my readers who could not only respond to me, but respond to one another as well.

Many times I get an email or comment from one person whose situation is similar to someone else who has also written me. I think, “It would be great if they could connect and support each other.”  Community and support systems are very meaningful. We have seen that in our Marriage 911 classes. Many times someone comes to class feeling they are the only one going through something, only to discover others grappling with some of the same issues. Participating in one of our small groups often becomes one of the most meaningful aspects of the class for many of those who attend. I see the encouragement on their faces and hear their words of support in their sharing. It becomes a community of life giving hope.

Some of you don’t know anyone going through what you’re going through. You don’t have classes like Marriage 911 to attend. You feel alone and isolated. What I’d like to do with Heart Talk is to bring you in—to include you in a community of people who can share and support each other through the trials and struggles of life.  Of course, because of my books on marriage, many times the struggles involve marriage. But sometimes, it might be a struggle with your faith or something else.

You know if you’re reading one of my books that they are intended to speak to your heart, to engage your thinking, and give you encouragement. That’s what I want to do with Heart Talk also. Heart Talk is intended to go beyond the books, to reach out to you and bring you into community. You don’t have to use your real name when making a comment. An alias is fine. Just make your comment at the bottom of this post.

So let’s begin sharing heart to heart. What would you like me to write about? Do you want to make a comment about one of my past posts? Or questions? I’d like to hear from you.

To encourage your comments this week, I’m going to offer one of my books in a drawing. Each person who comments will be entered into the drawing. If you are the winner, you can choose which of my books you want me to send you. Here are the choices:

Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, my first book, is written to be a friend to you as you journey through a crisis in your marriage. Wherever this journey is headed, you need strength to make wise decisions and take the next step on the path you are traveling. Broken Heart on Hold walks with you on the journey to help you become stronger emotionally and spiritually. Written in short one – two page segments like a devotional book, it’s a book many people read again and again.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted, guides a person step-by-step through the complexities of a separation by sharing practical insights, biblical wisdom, true stories of reconciled marriages, and experiences from my own personal story of reconciliation after a three-year separation from my husband. The book shows how one spouse who wants to restore a broken marriage can find the hope and help he or she needs even if they’re fighting for their marriage alone.

The Bunny Side of Easter, my children’s Easter picture book, is an exciting adventure story about an ordinary rabbit whose heroism makes him the Easter bunny and the rabbit on the moon. Through bits of allegory, the book points children to the true meaning of Easter and the greatest hero of all. If you as a parent or grandparent feel a disconnect between the Easter bunny and the true meaning of Easter, this book provides a sweet answer for the children in your life.

If you’re the winner, you can choose any of these books, and I will send them to you in the mail.

So, what would you like to say this week? I’m looking forward to your comments below.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, Fear, Feeling unworthy, Hope, How to win, Lonliness, Marriage problems, Pain, Peace, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Attitudes Matter

August 11, 2020 by 2 Comments

Photo by JE Shoots-com

It’s funny how sometimes the things I write are more about teaching myself something than teaching others. A recent blogpost I wrote has been swirling around in my mind over and over for several weeks: the one I wrote called, “A Waste of Time”—the one I wrote about our attitudes while waiting.

It came back and hit me hard a few weeks ago when I encountered a serious computer problem that I absolutely could not resolve.

I had written a newsletter to send out to those on my mailing list. I was leaving for vacation two days later and wanted to be sure to get it in the hands of those who looked to me for encouragement before I left. When I tried to send it out, however, I got an error message, saying I was sending spam.

Spam? Spam? My newsletter to encourage those in troubled marriages was spam?

I tried to send it again and again, checked the content to see if there was anything that could be considered objectionable, deleted a couple of phrases that talked about “your mind exploding during crisis” and another phrase that might be taken out of context by algorhythms scanning content. I tried sending it to different lists. I tried sending it to just myself. Nothing worked I continued to get an error message that it was spam.

Finally, I turned the computer off and left it for a couple of hours to give my system a little rest. When I turned it back on, my password was not recognized by the server and I couldn’t get back into my email.  It was past 5 o’clock by now so I had to wait until the next morning to call our phone company—the day I needed to prepare for our trip.

I was on the phone for two hours with the phone rep as she tried to resolve the problem and eventually had me choose a new password. When we tried again to send the newsletter, it still brought up the error message. She advised me to turn off my computer again, wait a couple of hours, and try later.

I did. The error message came up the same as before.

Having to prepare for our trip, I had no more time to call the company again.

As we left for our trip the following day, the newsletter remained in my outbox.

It was during this time I found myself thinking about the blog post I’d written a couple of weeks earlier about how God sometimes values the process more than our achieving our subsequent goal, and–even more pointedly–our need to check our attitudes when we have to “wait”, when the computer doesn’t work, etc.

In times past, computer problems rile my patience probably more than anything else I can think of.  But this time I thought about my blogpost. I realized that perhaps the message I wanted to send to my subscribers might not be as important to God as my attitude when I have to wait. Maybe God wanted to refine me some more and prune that impatience from my character. Instead of grumbling and complaining, I needed to pause and pray. I needed to trust God that He was working behind the scenes to accomplish His best purposes.

I didn’t want to leave my subscribers in the lurch. But neither did He. After all, God can take care of those on my newsletter list far better than I can. He knows their every need. He has promised to take care of them.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27).

My fretting and worrying about sending the newsletters wouldn’t help. But my prayers for those on my list would.  While we focus on the details of here and now, God has bigger plans for us and for those we love and those we want to help. Trusting Him, looking to Him, and praying will reap bigger benefits to ourselves and those around us than expressing our impatience and frustration in ways that do not honor Him.

****

“He does want to grow our character, and it’s a lifelong process.  Perhaps God’s purpose for allowing us to trudge through the process is reflected best in Paul’s instruction to the Philippians. “’Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:12-13).

Finally, 1 Peter 2:5, shares God’s ultimate purpose and design for these unwanted periods of “wasted time.” For those of us who are Christians, 1 Peter 2:5 says, ”’you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.’” From my earlier blog post on Heart Talk, June 25, 2020

When have you had to do an “attitude check?”  Join in the conversation and share your story.

 

Practical steps to healing your marriage — Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated available now.

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Filed Under: Letting go, Prayer, Problems, stress, Trusting God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , ,

Sometimes We Just Feel Weary

April 30, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller

Photo by Nik Shuliahin

Aren’t we all feeling weary? We’re wondering when will this COVID crisis end and we can resume our “new normal”? For most of us we are already thinking of the restaurant we’ll go to or what needs to be repaired. In all of this craziness we can be assured God hasn’t been blind or unhearing about our weariness and how we’re wondering how God fits into it all.

In fact, he comes straight out in the Bible and asks, “How have I wearied you?” Let’s look into the insights we can gain from that verse in Micah 6:3.

Even if we’re not weighed down by the Covid crisis, even when we are convinced God’s plan is His will for us, we still can feel weary. When the Israelites were complaining about God’s plan for them, He questioned them through the prophet Micah, “How have I wearied you?” (Micah 6:3 ESV).

We don’t know Micah’s tone of voice when he communicated God’s message to the people, but I wonder if he mimicked the people’s tone. If so, it would have been a whine.

When I, Kathy, grumble, I am like the Israelites in my complaint, God has done me wrong. I’m believing the lie God doesn’t know what He’s doing, and He will abandon me. He is giving me more than He is capable of empowering me to handle.

That was especially true when Larry’s mother, Audrey, lived with us. When it was clear Audrey could no longer live on her own, I felt dejected, knowing the only option was caring for her in our home. I sat on the patio, looking out at the setting sun. I felt like my life had just set. My life is gone. My life is ruined. I felt hopeless and helpless to battle against God’s will or believe He could help me win the battle. What will become of me?

My husband, Larry, also struggled with discontent. As time went along and his mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, which includes paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, he described feeling weary, as if he was being swallowed up by the endless needs of a demented woman who accused him of trying to kill her. Audrey ended up denying Larry was even her son.

We should have listened to what God says as he continues talking to the Israelites through Micah,

“For I brought you up from the land of Egypt

and redeemed you from the house of slavery,

and I sent before you Moses,

Aaron, and Miriam” (Micah 6:4).

He encourages them to remember all the times and ways He has provided for them in the past. And if He cared in the past, He would provide again and again and again.

Just as God had an answer for the complaining Israelites, Larry and I turned more and more to God’s answers and strength to combat our weariness. Day by day we remembered God’s faithful provision in the past when He healed our marriage and used our story to encourage others as we spoke at marriage retreats. We leaned on him asking for His power and guidance for Audrey’s care.

When we fell back into a weary whining, God’s words through Micah spoke to us, “How have I wearied you? Don’t I have the right to do anything I want with my servants—you? I’m empowering you and changing you. Trust me.”

We were humbled because we saw our complaints as what they really were: rebellion against the loving hand of God. God’s joy, freedom, and surrender were available to us. We could trust He was the same God who provided in the past and would strengthen us again and again. Plus, we discovered greater joy in each other as we united to serve a mentally ill woman.

After two-and-a-half years of living in our home, when Audrey joined Jesus in heaven, the Lord whispered in our hearts, “Well done, good and faithful servants.” He was the faithful one and deserved the credit, even to overcome our weary feelings.

Why do you think it’s difficult to remember God’s faithful past provision during a difficult challenge?

Think of a way God provided for you in the past which could encourage you in a current difficulty.

Faithful God, I praise you for your provision even though I am not faithful. Thank you for being willing to empower me by reminding me of the last time you provided more than I thought you could.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller have been married since 1970 and speak and write both separately and together. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature (from which this post has been adapted). Kathy and Larry are parents, grandparents, lay-counselors and live in Southern California. They have spoken internationally and nationally. www.KathyCollardMiller.com

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Filed Under: Depression, disappointment, Mother-in-law/daughter-in-law, Prayer, Prodigals, stress, Trusting God, Trying to understand, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Where is God?, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

In God We Trust

July 2, 2014 by 9 Comments

???????????????????????????????A few weeks ago I was horrified to read in the newspaper about two twelve year old girls who lured their friend into the woods after a sleepover and tried to stab her to death. Afterwards, one of them told police she had no remorse. “I guess it may have been wrong,” she said.  The other girl said that when she heard the victim’s screams, “The bad part of me wanted her to die. The good part of me wanted her to live.”

Twelve year old girls?  Trying to kill their friend?  And all because of a fictional character they followed on the Internet.

The perverse ludicrousness of the story seared my brain with incredulity. How could girls as young as this fall into such evil?  How could their minds be so warped and depraved?

The answer came as quickly as the question. Because they don’t know God.  Because they have probably not been taught what is right and what is wrong.

If their families don’t go to church . . .

If schools are forbidden to talk about God . . .

If it’s unlawful to post the 10 Commandments on the wall of a courthouse or the walls of a school . . .

How do they learn what is right and what is wrong?

As adults, I think many of us just assume children will grow up knowing that murder is wrong. That is a basic moral code, right? But if there is a vacuum in their religious education and they spend most of the time on the Internet, juxtaposed with a couple of hours in front of the TV and a weekly outing to the movies, where are they learning their values?

George Washington Was Right

More and more I think we are seeing that George Washington was right:

“Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”  George Washington.

In a world where a majority of children are growing up without any Christian education, our own children become more vulnerable as well.  And as we go through our own struggles, and particularly if crisis strikes, we are often unaware of the enormous battle being waged for their souls.

However, if we allow God to draw our hearts nearer to Him in the midst of crisis, we may actually develop a heightened sensitivity to our children’s needs.

This happened to Faith when her husband left and asked for divorce.  As the insecurities of change threatened her middle-school sons, she searched for a way to connect with them and encourage them to look to God for strength.  Together, they began listening to and discussing CDs of The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black, which brings the Bible to life through the glory of battling knights in a medieval setting and is sometimes described as a Pilgrims Progress for the Xbox generation. Many evenings, as the boys hunkered down on the bed with her, she answered the hard questions and talked to them about what it meant to follow God into the future. Other times she spent one-on-one time with each of them to take their spiritual and emotional temperatures. Through honest conversations and spiritual encouragement, she not only helped them cope with the domestic heartache rattling their world but instilled God’s Word into her boys to prepare them for the challenges they faced in a public school environment.

Engage With Our Children

In a world where many forces vie for our children’s minds, hearts, and loyalties, it’s more important than ever that we engage with our youngsters. They need to feel our support and love as we take time to discuss important issues with them so they can clarify their own values and beliefs and articulate them with genuineness and intelligence to their friends.  We need to pray with them for wisdom and discernment in an academic world that is frequently hostile to the Christian faith.

Yes, there is cause for concern.  But as we look to God for wisdom and direction, there is also a reason for hope.  Our very own children may indeed be the hope that is found in unexpected places.  As we tackle our problems and encourage our children with God’s Word to see His provision, we teach them to be strong in their faith, that God is the conqueror, and that He will help us–and them– to overcome.

This 4th of July I pray that the words “In God We Trust” will be more than a motto we see on a dollar bill, or even a creed we share with our countrymen, but that it will be a belief that is emblazoned on our hearts so that regardless of what happens in our world or our country, we as Christians can continue to hold firm and say with conviction “In God We Trust.”

“In my view, the Christian religion is the most important and one of the first things in which all children, under a free government ought to be instructed … No truth is more evident to my mind than that the Christian religion must be the basis of any government intended to secure the rights and privileges of a free people.”  Noah Webster, Preface Noah Webster Dictionary, 1828

More George Washington quotes at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_washington.html#ozeWbhea38uP1cxu.99

*To readers who don’t live in the U.S.: Please bear with me this week as I recognize our national holiday by focusing on issues of national interest. Next week I will feature another powerful author interview on Avoiding 12 Relationship Mistakes.

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Filed Under: Children, Fathers, Fear, Goals and Resolutions, Hope, How to win, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Spiritually Mismatched Marriage–An Interview with Lynn Donovan

June 4, 2014 by Leave a Comment

WinningHim Without WordsThis week I’m happy to introduce you to Lynn Donovan, author of Winning Him Without Words, as well as two other related books, 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage, and Not Alone, Trusting God To Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home.

If you have a spouse who is not a Christian, Lynn has a message that will help you on this walk.  Lynn is an author and speaker who has appeared on 700 Club Interactive, Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk and FamilyLife Today.

But I will let Lynn introduce herself and tell you more about her story.  Here’s Lynn.

Lynn Donovan

Lynn:  Hello everyone! I’m joining your community this week to share a bit about my God-sized story. I’m so thankful that Linda has asked me to be a part of your home.

My friends, my story is about a Prodigal child – me (Luke 15:11-31). I fled my childhood Sunday school days in my twenties. I left my loving Father for all the promises the world said were mine. I met my husband in these dark years and we fell in love. We were married and for the first three years everything was fine. But the world’s lure proved shallow, unkind and untrue. I heard my faithful Father calling in the distance and He wooed me.

I went running home into the arms of my Papa and was thrilled to once again have a relationship with God. But, I ran home dragging my unbelieving spouse behind me kicking and screaming all the way. To say that my husband was unhappy about this new “Man” in my life, was a serious understatement.

I am unequally yoked.

There are many women such as me who sit alone week after week in church. There are women who are married to men who say they believe and yet they are also like me, living in a spiritually mismatched marriage. We are committed to our marriage covenant and wish to honor our Lord no matter how we arrived in our spiritually mismatched marriage.

My journey has been a crazy adventure, filled with loneliness at times, as my husband and I view life through two different world views. On this journey I’ve had to face fears over my children’s salvation, as well as having to live with the disappointment of attending church alone, wanting to be a “normal” couple, and the most difficult—the rejection of my faith by my best friend on earth.

But don’t feel sad for me….  Because I serve the risen Savior and through His love and power, I have discovered that the unequally yoked can truly thrive while living with an unbeliever. We can grow in our faith, love and respect for our spouse, raise our children to a vibrant faith, and walk in the Presence of the Most High.

Lynn’s 22 Year Adventure

Linda:  I’m looking forward to hearing what else you learned on this 22 year adventure, Lynn.  But tell me, what does your husband think about this ministry?

Lynn: By the grace of God my husband is fully supportive of my ministry and he encourages me to help others who are also spiritually mismatched. I call that a “Way cool God thing.”

Linda:  Lynn, you mentioned to me that you discovered a powerful scripture that changed everything about your marriage.

Lynn: Yes, I did, it is: (Jesus) answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” —Luke 10:27

Linda: How did this make a difference in your marriage?

Lynn: When you love God, His Son and the Spirit with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength you are transformed. Your mind is transformed and then disappointment and bitterness no longer has influence in your life. You discover an unending joy bubbles out of you, flowing onto your husband and your children. This kind of love transforms a heart, heals a body, restores a marriage, and leads little ones to faith.

I had to remove my eyes and expectations from my human husband and place all of my hopes upon Christ. When I did this our marriage moved into THRIVING. My husband found freedom to discover God in his own way without my manipulation and I found my expectations were replaced by God explanations. I was transformed by the love of God.

It’s a miracle! Woo Hoo!!!!

And Linda one of my favorite truths I share is this:

A man can ignore a nagging wife, but he can’t ignore the truth of a transformed life.

 Linda:  I like that.  But tell me what do you think is the biggest struggle for those who are Spiritually Mismatched?

Lynn:  Across the board, men and women, who are married to pre-believers (we like to call them pre-believers) struggle through a season of loneliness. In our book, Winning Him Without Words, the entire first chapter addresses this season. What I want to tell everyone who is unequally yoked is to press forward during this season. This is the training ground for growing your faith into a vibrant, strong and intimate love relationship with the Father.

You can overcome this. You can attend church alone and receive great blessing from your church family. You will discover the truth of Hebrews 13:5 God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

The Children

Linda:  Many times I hear from people who are concerned as to how an unequally yoked marriage will affect the children.  What do you say to that?  And have you found specific encouragement in the Bible to help you on this walk?

Lynn:  Yes, there is actually a passage in the Bible that was written just for us. God knew there would be unbelievers married to believers and that’s why 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 exists. Let’s read it from the Message translation as it is rich in meaning and implication. This verse specifically gives me great comfort as a mother raising children in a spiritually mismatched home.

For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. —1 Corinthians 7:12-14

I’m learning that when we as believers love Jesus and walk in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, we impact our environment. And, in fact, we bring God’s will and purposes into our lives and into the lives of our children. The living presence of God within us becomes so powerful that, Paul tells us through the believing spouse every member in the home is sanctified. The living presence of God is so contagious, so powerful, that it creates an umbrella of safety over anyone who comes into that environment.

Linda: So are you saying that it is simply your faith, walked out in the home, which ministers to your children?  Even though your husband has a different worldview, your faith is enough to point the children to God?

Lynn:  Yes, we as believers are uniquely positioned to release the purposes, the love and the very power of God into our children’s lives. Our kids are then included in God’s plans for their lives. They are sanctified—set apart as holy unto the Lord. They belong to the Lord. When we grasp this truth, praying with faith through the Holy Spirit for our kids, we need not live in fear for their salvation. Our love, our example, our Jesus is always enough. I believe this promise for my children’s future and for their eternity.

Wow…… just WOW!  Today if I can talk personally to your readers, I’d like to say, “Let the truth of this passage roar in your spirit. Your faith covers your home. This was a paradigm shift in my thinking and changed how I approached spiritual warfare for my kids and husband. My holiness covers them. They are under the love umbrella of God because an ordinary wife lives with Jesus in her heart and home. Of course, this isn’t a guarantee of their salvation but it is a great encouragement and it keeps me from living in constant fear for their eternity.

 Linda: Thank you, Lynn.  I know this is a serious battle for a number of people reading this interview, and we need a real prayer covering for our homes and our children. Would you like to close us with a prayer?

Lynn: Lord, let this passage bring freedom to every woman and man here today. Let the truth and the power that comes with your living and active Word permeate every place in his or her heart and home. I ask that the Holy Spirit would prove the truth of how the prayers of a righteous mama (or papa) availeth much. In Jesus name. Amen.

Linda, thank you for allowing me to share the hope that I have. Hope is a person, Jesus Christ.

I love you and count it a privilege to be here with your community.

 Linda: This has been a blessing, Lynn. Please tell us where people can find out more about your ministry and your books.

Lynn:  You can visit me online at www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Children, Conflict, Desire, God's Word, How to win, Lonliness, Marriage problems, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Interview with Kathy Collard Miller, Author of Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries: Finding Peace in All Kinds of Weather

May 14, 2014 by 8 Comments

Partly Cloudy With Scattered Worries - Kathy Collard MillerWhen I scheduled this interview with Kathy Collard Miller for early May, I didn’t connect the appropriateness of her book title with our Florida weather.  But as I look out the window at the gathering clouds and intermittent rainstorms, I find the timing of my interview about her book, Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries: Finding Peace in All Kinds of Weather to be extremely fitting.

I believe Kathy’s topic about worry and anxiety will resonate with many of us.  In the midst of life’s storms, how do we keep from worrying?  Speaker and author Kathy Collard Miller has an answer for us. She has published 49 books and has carried her message of hope, faith, and encouragement into eight countries throughout the world and thirty U.S. states.

I feel honored that she is sharing with us today.

Linda:  Kathy, what is really wrong with worry? What is the biggest problem that worry causes for us?

Kathy:  The answer to both those questions is that worry steals our ability to acknowledge God as the God of our lives. I have no trouble calling worry sin because we are disobeying God’s command to “Be anxious about nothing…” (Philippians 4:6). We have a big problem when we fight God’s control of our lives. We’re on our own and we try to control and manipulate people and circumstances to get our needs met. And it’s so subtle. We may not even realize we’re worrying—we call it other words like concerned, mulling, thinking or planning, but we’re not seeking God.

Anxiety is currently the number one emotional problem of American people. Panic anxiety is the number one mental-health problem for women in the United States, and in men is only second to substance abuse. Worry causes relationship problems, physical illness, loss of faith, and stress. No wonder! We’re trying to play God.

Linda:  I’m sure we can all admit that we worry at times. But I’m curious. How did you happen to write a book about worry?

God was working and tranforming me to trust Him more and I wanted to share what I had learned. My desire is to help readers trust God more by being convinced of His greatness, sovereignty, power, love, and involvement. We can say we trust God but then we give in to anxiety, people-pleasing, controlling others, regrets, fear, and trying to provide for ourselves when God says to wait on Him. Our responses actually reveal that we don’t trust God as much as we think we do.

For instance, if a woman is wondering whether her husband still loves her, or is worried that he’s being unfaithful, she may try to manipulate or control her husband. She may react in anger out of anxiety or withdraw her heart because she is taking his behavior personally. Her eyes are on making her husband meet her needs rather than trusting God to meet them. But Philippians 4:19 says God will provide all our true needs. Worry won’t make our spouse respond; it’ll only cause us to react in ways that may push him away more.

I was once in that very situation and my worry made me bitter and needy. It only caused my husband Larry to want to work more so he could be away from my nagging. But when I committed to trusting God to be all I needed, even if Larry never changed, I became more peaceful. Then Larry wanted to be around me. Now we’ve been married almost 44 years.

Linda:  Tell us a little about the concept that began to transform your thinking about worry.

Kathy: I heard this concept at a conference: “If I’m worried, think of the worst possible thing that can happen and then think of reasons why it wouldn’t be so bad after all.” The speaker quoted Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (NASB). I realized my worry indicated I didn’t think God had the power to bring good out of bad and I worried that something bad would happen. But quoting that concept and verse began to give me a different perspective. It helped me relax and allow God to be in control.

 Linda:  Why do you think people worry?

Kathy:  Of course, there are many reasons but here are a few. We may have experienced some hurtful things in childhood and blamed God. So our hearts are fearful of turning control over to Him. We may think that worry gives us power in another person’s life. I remember worrying when my teenage son had to fly across country by himself to a Christian golf camp. I worried he would miss his connecting flight until God whispered, “You’re worried because you want him to need you. Let him need Me.” Oh, how revealing. I could then release that worry and let God show Himself strong. Additionally, people worry because they really do think worry does some good. One woman told me, “Well, of course, worry works; after all, what I worry about doesn’t happen.” I’m sure she was joking (I think!), but in our hearts, we can think it does some good. Unfortunately, worry only makes us tense and then we react in ways we regret. Plus, God isn’t honored.

Linda:  Many of those reading this blog are going through serious storms in life. The worries they have are based in substantial life traumas that have already disrupted their lives. They worry about the future, about what will happen with their children, whether there is hope for their marriages, etc.  What do you have to say to them?

Kathy: I am sad to think of those going through hard times. I can relate. After being married seven years, I hated my husband and took out my anger on our two-year-old little girl to the point that I abused her. I worried that I would actually kill her in one of my rages. I almost took my life to prevent that from happening. But God intervened and as I turned my life over to him little by little, I saw how He wanted to use my struggle for His glory and my good. God healed our marriage and the relationship with my daughter. He gave me a ministry of sharing my story and writing about it. Then that blossomed into the ministry I have today. And my daughter is a happy adult who calls me her best friend.

I understand life seems impossible, but God is still God and He wants to help us. And worry doesn’t accomplish a single positive or helpful thing. It only motivates us to respond in hurtful and damaging ways. Worry is impotent but God is powerful. There is always hope with trusting God.

 Linda:  Tell us a little more about your book.  What are you trying to accomplish and how is it formatted?

My book helps people, primarily Christian women, to trust God more and thus worry less. It is filled with stories from my own life and the lives of others who learned how to do that very thing, along with biblical principles and practical instruction. I’ve also included Discussion Questions that a group or an individual can use. Plus, every chapter highlights a woman from the Bible who either struggled with worry or one who overcame her worry. Every chapter ends with a “Letter From God” which speaks to the reader about what she learned in the chapter.

 Linda:  Are you available for speaking, especially on this topic of overcoming worry?

Oh yes, I love to speak on lots of topics, including overcoming worry. I especially love speaking at women’s retreats because I can have extended contact with the women. I can be reached at Kathyspeak (at) aol (dot) com.

 Linda: Where can people find out more about Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries?

Kathy:  It is available on Amazon for either Kindle reading or print:
http://amzn.to/18SUUHM

Or to get a little preview, you can view the book trailer at http://bit.ly/1czUhKh

My website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com


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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, Desire, Doubt, Fear, Feeling unworthy, How to win, Interviews, Marriage problems, New Directions, Prayer, Surrendering to God, Trusting God, unanswered prayers, Uncategorized, Worry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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