Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart – Interview with Author, Julie K. Gillies

When I asked Julie Gillies if she wanted to do an author interview on my blog, the title of her new book seemed tailor-made for 2020. Is there any time in history when more of us have had anxious hearts? All over the world, anxiety permeates our lives. The year 2020 has brought one anxious situation after another, and we are all reeling, not only with anxiety about today, but with questions about what will happen tomorrow.

Julie’s new book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, helps readers focus on God instead of our anxieties as she gently leads us to know God better, know the Scripture, and know how to pray. Here is a book that might not only be a good one for you to read yourself, but to give to friends and family as gifts this Christmas. 

Linda: Tell us why you wrote Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart?

Julie: While on my knees one evening praying specifically for a family member who struggles with anxiety, I wished for a book on anxiety and prayer I could offer them; something Scripture-based and simple so it would be encouraging but not overwhelming to read. That single thought flashed into an idea that eventually became the devotional, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart.

I had no idea it would release in the middle of arguably the most difficult year most of us have ever navigated. 2020 has spiked anxiety levels worldwide. Most of us have experienced fear, confusion, health concerns, and various degrees of isolation. Civil unrest, violence, bare grocery shelves, and even toilet paper shortages are realities few of us have navigated. And, of course, add to this the ongoing (or acute) relational, marriage, career, or personal issues we all cope with. Our hearts need peace now more than ever!

Linda: There are lots of devotional books available to readers, but tell us why your book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, can especially help people during troubling times.

Julie: I’m a huge fan of learning by doing, so this book provides actual prayers for the reader to pray. Those Who struggle with anxiety struggle to focus, and so these prayers keep the reader focused through simple yet powerful prayers. The devotional portion is brief yet meaningful and focuses on Scripture (which is what we all need more of right now). We don’t need more opinions, information, or ideas. We need more of God’s word in our hearts! It stabilizes us, and fills us with truth and peace.

Linda: Since Jesus promises peace, why do you think so many of us are so anxious?

Julie: Here in America, we Americans are accustomed to and expect certain levels of peace, comfort and security. We want tranquil, undisturbed, nearly perfect lives. Most of us are unused to the challenging events 2020 has brought. Plus, we’re not robots—we have emotions and struggle to find our equilibrium in hard times. Jesus knows this and offers us precious comfort and reassurance:

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] (John 16:33) (AMPC)

Jesus is saying life on this earth will be hard—no matter where we live. Reality check: we aren’t in eternity yet! We can still be confident and even undaunted, not because the world lines up in Utopian perfection, but because Jesus offers us His supernatural and perfect peace in the storm.

Linda: How can we trust that God really hears our prayers when bad things keep happening?

Julie: It’s disheartening and distressing when we pray and we don’t see the results we long for. It’s tempting to believe God doesn’t hear or care. But He always listens and always hears us (see John 11:42).

God is often more interested in developing godly character in us and helping us to develop perseverance and tenacity than in reducing our discomforts. He wants us to ask and keep on asking (Matthew 7:7). We can’t give up. We must continue to pray for peace, for our family, for those in authority and for our nation, because that’s what God wants. Ultimately we trust that God is sovereign and the response is in His hands.

Whatever we’re enduring personally, the Lord knows and cares about every detail. He sees our hurts. He understands our pain. Nothing escapes His notice! I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalm 31:7)

Lastly, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that God is in the fire with us (see Daniel 3). Life in 2020 has felt more uncomfortable and hotter than most of us have experienced, but our true comfort and our saving grace is that we are not in it alone. Just like He was with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, Jesus Himself is in the fire with us.

Linda: That’s an encouraging perspective. How do we shift from simply knowing God offers peace to actually living a less anxious life?

Julie: Our focus determines our peace level. It’s important to be aware because Jesus said to watch and pray, but it’s a divine balance. We want to pray effectively by being aware of the issues of our time, but we don’t want to be obsessed with those issues. So we want to be informed but not obsessed.  

To have rest in our souls we must protect our primary focus: we must read God’s Word more than we read social media or watch the news. Not in a head-in-the sand way but in a God, You are sovereign and holy and greater way. Ultimately our goal should be to pray and keep our hearts riveted on Jesus, because what we think about steers our hearts.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Julie: All of my books, including Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, are available wherever books are sold. To read the first chapter of each book for free (and for more FREE sources), I invite your readers to visit my website: www.JulieGillies.com

 

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Strength for the Weary

I was on my third run to the drug store in two hours. This time it was to get batteries for the blood pressure monitor I had just bought during run #2. My husband had recently endured two lengthy hospital stays in the last three weeks, and we were both exhausted. The tests, the doctor’s appointments, the new routines that had to be followed, staying stocked up on the right food and drink, remaining observant about health issues. I had to remain vigilant, but it was wearing me out.

As I reached the stoplight at the end of my street, I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. “Help me, God, I’m so tired.”

Into my mind immediately came Isaiah 40:31. “Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

As I finished reciting the verse, my spirit lifted. “Those who wait on the Lord” . . . . Yes, that’s what I needed right then. The Lord . . . renews my strength when I am weary. The words were so fitting. I felt like I was constantly running around, trying to help my husband, trying to remember everything I needed to do and everything he needed to do. But God was telling me when I wait on Him I “will run and not grow weary for He will renew my strength.” I repeated the verse over and over in my mind.  And as the scripture settled and took root in my spirit, I honestly didn’t feel as weary. I repeated the verse over and over in my mind as I took the last turn into the drug store. God was filling me up with His strength, and as He gave me His strength, He was renewing my strength.

Many of us feel weary right now. Maybe it’s not because of trying to help an ailing loved one, but because of continued lockdowns and the inability to go out and socialize with friends and family. You may be dealing with a shrinking budget because of shutdowns at work, or perhaps you’re trying to hold down a job while also trying to help your children do school from home. Maybe your marriage was already crumbling before the world was hit by Covid, and this situation is exacerbating the friction between you.

Or perhaps you’re actually one of those who are suffering from Covid yourself or have a friend or family member trying to recover from this frightful virus. Perhaps you live by yourself and the loneliness is descending like a cloud of darkness over your spirit.

Whatever the reason, too many of us are weary.

Right before Jesus was born, the world was weary too. The Bible says they lived in darkness.  Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, looked forward to the coming of Christ as he spoke this prophecy at the birth of his son, who was to be the forerunner of the Messiah. “The rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace” (Luke 1:78-79).

In the darkness, God sent the Light of the World to shine into our lives to bring us hope and peace. God knew what was happening. God saw the hopelessness people were experiencing. God knew what was needed. And He sent us Jesus.

So yes we are weary. Yes, we’ve walked through a cloud of fear and uncertainly. Our normal lives have been disrupted. Even with a vaccine coming, we still don’t know how we will hold on.

But Christmas is coming. And it’s not just about the lights, the presents, and the music. It’s about the Christ child, who brought hope and salvation so we could turn our worlds around. No longer do we need to depend on the world to bring us joy. We only need to invite the Savior into our life and let Him settle there.  And each time we feel the weariness descend upon our hearts, we need to “wait upon the Lord.”  “He will renew [our] strength.” We will feel our hearts “mount up on wings like eagles. We will run and not be weary. We will walk and not faint.”

“Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘’My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God’? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall. But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40: 27-31).

 

If you are weary from trying to reconcile a broken marriage, you can find hope and strength through my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. In this book, as I walk with you through this difficult valley, I believe you will “renew your strength” for the journey ahead.

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When Your Marriage Boat is Sinking

Photo by Insung Yoon

Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller

After only seven years of marriage, my husband Larry and I hated each other. We didn’t have hope for our future together. Plus, neither of us thought God really cared. Larry felt helpless and concentrated on working more hours and diverting himself with sports. I just thought God had given up on me. Our marriage boat was sinking.

But God did care and He had not given up.

In the Bible, God asks over 300 questions, not because He doesn’t know the answers, but because He wants to inquire into our minds and hearts. When any of us are struggling in our marriages, we might be surprised to discover how the questions God asks in the Bible can minister to us in unexpected ways.

For instance, in Luke 8:22-25, when the disciples are in a sinking boat and Jesus is asleep in spite of the waves flooding over the sides, even the seasoned fishermen of the disciples feel hopeless. And the man, Jesus, who had originally told them to get into the boat seems totally oblivious.

Finally, most likely after trying on their own to scoop water out of the boat, the terrified disciples yell above the howling wind, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” (vs 24). When this similar scene had occurred before, the disciples had cried out, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:38).

Larry and I both had concluded within the sinking ship of our marriage that our relationship would perish and God didn’t really care. There was no hope and since He hadn’t given us an instant healing, maybe He was as hopeless as we were.

But Jesus does rescue the disciples and asks, “Where is your faith?” I find the word “where” fascinating. Other times, Jesus asks “what” or “why.” Only a few other times does Jesus use “where” in a question, usually referring to a physical place, not the condition of the heart.

This time he is addressing the condition of the disciples’ hearts—where they are traveling away from him in their commitment.

He seems to be asking,

  • Where is your faith headed?
  • Where are your desires leading you?
  • Where will you end up?

The reaction of the disciples—and those of us in the midst of marriage challenges—reveals our spiritual eyes and also our physical eyes which focus on our circumstances. We quickly travel in our hearts to imagine the worst.

“Yes, Jesus said He created marriage but I guess He doesn’t care about ours.”

“Yes, Jesus said He can give us the courage to persevere, but even making right choices doesn’t seem to make any difference.”

“Yes, Jesus said nothing is too difficult for Him, but then why do I keep getting so angry and defensive?”

We all have “yes … but …” statements following where disbelief and distrust lead. Instead of clinging to the confidence Jesus demonstrates through the promises of Scripture, we follow the rabbit trail off into the forest where dangers lurk. The apparent truths of circumstances seem more accurate and real.

It’s not easy, but it is possible to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. Otherwise, Jesus would not have asked the disciples, “Where is your faith?” He would have just walked out onto the sea and abandoned them.

We know because Jesus didn’t abandon Larry and me. He calmed the storm threatening our marriage. No, it wasn’t an instant deliverance like when Jesus quieted the storm. Instead, the healing of our relationship was filled with three steps forward and two steps back. Little by little, we each learned selflessness, how to choose love regardless of our feelings, and greater trust in God to keep trying.

Now after celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary, we can confirm that calling upon Jesus is worth it. Our love and commitment is as strong as it can be and we minister together. He proves Himself faithful not only by showing His attentiveness, but by empowering us to learn how to use our spiritual paddles effectively and know Jesus is with us even if the storm continues.

“Where is your faith?” continues to draw our attention back to our great God who knows exactly how to help us. Sometimes by calming the storm and other times by giving us more effective paddles.

Do you have a sinking marriage?

He healed us and He desires to heal you.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller are international and national speakers and co-writers. They married in 1970, are parents, grandparents, and lay counselors. Larry is a retired police lieutenant from Huntington Beach, California. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature.  Visit them at www.KathyCollardMiller.com

 

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Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss: An Interview with Author Kim Erickson

Losing a child may be one of the most intensely painful experiences a person can endure. No one should have to bury their own child. Sadly, for those parents who do experience this, the sorrow can last for many years. In her book, Surviving Sorrow: A Mother’s Guide to Living with Loss, author Kim Erickson gives parents a lifeline to hope as she shares her own story of the loss of her three-year-old son and the path to surviving the sorrow of a lifetime and learning to live again.

Linda: Please tell us why you wrote Surviving Sorrow.

Kim: In April 2008, I was just cruising through my life, thinking that I had everything I needed. I had a great job, a husband I was crazy about, and two beautiful young boys. Austin was 3 and Ethan was 15 months. I did not, however, have everything I needed.

I did not have God in my life. I did not have a relationship with Jesus. When I got the call that the ambulance was at our house for Austin, who had been sick for a few days with strep throat, I didn’t even think to pray. I got the call that is every parent’s nightmare and my mind didn’t even consider God – that’s how far away from God I was back in April 2008.

While I was far from God in my mind and heart, God was not far from me. He did something miraculous that day. No, He didn’t heal Austin. He took Austin to heaven, but God did allow me a moment to truly feel His presence, to fully understand that He is real, and know that Heaven is waiting. In that single moment as Austin left this earth for heaven, God changed me. He grabbed my heart and filled it with peace, hope, love, and joy. I hung my humbled head and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior just two days later.

Surviving Sorrow is my offer of sacrifice to God for His never-ending lovingkindness for us, for the world. It is my deepest desire to help others experience God in the middle of their deepest sorrow, like I did. I’m praying Surviving Sorrow helps them draw close to God in their darkest hour.  

Linda: Who would benefit from this book?

Kim: Although I wrote this book for mothers who’ve lost a child, I’m finding out that others are benefiting from Surviving Sorrow. Many times, friends are picking up this book to help them understand how to help someone who has lost a child. They are reading it first, then giving it to a mom who has lost a child. Also, people with other losses (like husbands, nieces, cousins, friends, etc.) have been telling me that Surviving Sorrow helped them draw closer to God through a difficult loss of someone they loved. It’s really humbling to see God use this book in so many different ways.

Linda: There are lots of books about grief and the grieving process. How is Surviving Sorrow different?

Kim: There are a lot of fantastic books about grief and grieving the loss of a child, and I have read many of them. I like to say that Surviving Sorrow is not a book about grieving. It’s a book about living. The focus is not on the grieving process, but rather on how to pick yourself up off the floor and try your best to carry on with life. When our son died, I needed some help with the practical aspects of living without our son. What do I say when a stranger asks how many kids I have? How do I get through the grocery store without a meltdown? What do I do with my child’s things? How will I make it through the holidays? Help!

So, each chapter deals with an issue that comes up while you live with your loss. There are practical ideas listed for each segment. There are “Survival Steps” (how do I keep living?) and “Spiritual Steps” (how do I relate to God now?) for each chapter.

Linda: We’ve heard that it is difficult for a marriage to survive the loss of a child – even that most marriages don’t make it through such a tragedy. Is that true?

Kim: I’m so glad you asked this question! It’s NOT true. In fact, the divorce rate among couples who’ve suffered the loss of a child is lower than the national average. People think it (and often say it out loud!), but it’s simply not true. That being said, it’s definitely not easy on your marriage to go through something like child loss. Like a lot of things you encounter as a couple, the stress of grieving can cause interactions with your spouse to be magnified in some way. What didn’t bother you before, might bother you now and vice versa. Emotions are running on high, so marriages can be strained. But, there is no need to give in to a hopeless feeling. Now is the time to fight for your marriage!

Linda: What do you think is the most important thing for couples to keep in mind as they navigate their marriage through a tragedy or difficult season?

Kim: Treat each other gently. I think it’s really important to remember that you both are experiencing this difficult thing. No matter if the difficulty relates more to one of you than the other. As a married couple, if something is tragic in one of your lives, both of you are experiencing it. If the tough circumstance involves your child or children, then it’s double the trouble because you both are so close to the problem and you likely can’t see straight. You must step back from yourself and remember that your spouse is hurting, too. It bears repeating: treat each other gently.

Linda: What advice do you have for readers who may not be suffering through child loss, but are facing a different kind of tragedy within their family?

Kim: Try to give each other space. Space to let out emotions. Space to just “be.” Be compassionate about how the other people in your family need to process this difficult season. We all handle things differently, and we need to be able to respect that about our loved ones. Allow your spouse or your loved ones the time to do some individual processing. You’ll be surprised to see how much better you will all do together if you each get some time to express yourself in whatever way is best for each person.

Linda: The tagline for Heart Talk is “Finding Hope in Unexpected Places.” Have you and your husband been able to find hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child?

Kim: Believe it or not, yes! The only way, however, is with God’s help. It’s still overwhelming to me how much the Almighty God is willing to hold, sit next to, take a temper tantrum, or wipe my tears. If you lean into Him, He will wrap you in His arms and comfort you. My hope in the unexpected place of grieving a child is in an eternity that has no more death, no more pain, no more tears.

Linda: Your ministry focus is helping women find outrageous joy through a deeper relationship with God. Can you explain what that means to you?

Kim: I spent most of my life rejecting the idea that Jesus Christ was my Savior and Lord. I had a good life by the world’s standards, but I didn’t have the inner peace and amazing joy I have now. A relationship with Jesus is the answer to whatever you are seeking. The result of a relationship with Jesus is outrageous joy, no matter what happens in your life.

Linda: How can people find your book and connect with you?

Kim: I’d love to connect on Facebook (Kim Erickson, Author) or Instagram (@kimerickson8). They can find more information and free resources on my website: www.kimAerickson.com. Surviving Sorrow can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Moody Publishers. I look forward to meeting some of your readers!

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God’s Faithfulness in Unstable Times

Guest Post by Mary Johnston

“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.” (Genesis 8:22).

How faithful is our God! This verse makes one burst forth in song. “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” seems perfectly appropriate.

One of God’s most comforting attributes is His faithfulness. We can rely on Him. One never doubts that autumn will follow summer, or that dawn follows the darkness of night. His reliability is second to none.

“God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19). This is one of the reasons His Word is so powerful and important.

At this time of instability, we can be strengthened to stand firmly on His faithfulness to fulfill His Word. This is not so with the ever-changing winds of the media, the craziness of the culture, or the fallibility of humanity in general.

We can rest in His faithfulness. Saint Augustine said it well, “You have made us for Yourself, O LORD, and our heart is restless until it rests in You.”

Are you resting in His faithfulness? If not, please do … you’ll be glad you did.

Prayer –

Heavenly Father, we give thanks that we can count on Your unfailing love and flawless faithfulness. We believe You and Your Word. Help our unbelief. In Jesus’ Name.

 

 Mary Johnston serves at Global Hope Network Int’l (GHNI.org). GHNI helps transform some of the world’s poorest villages through potable water, food, and agricultural training, income generation, wellness practices, and education. Mary is engaged in staff care, editing of reports from Africa, Asia, and the Middle East, and writing a weekly devotional. Part of her work has included travel to Africa to work with children in orphanages. Previously, Mary was publisher and editor for Center Stage magazine in Orlando, Florida for 17 years.

If you are struggling with God’s faithfulness, and your marriage is part of the struggle, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, by me, (Linda W. Rooks), may calm and strengthen your hurting heart.

Listen to the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness and worship God for His faithfulness and mercy.

 

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For Those Who Are Separated

Many of you who subscribe to and read Heart Talk are journeying on a difficult path in your marriages. Some are separated in different residences. Some are living in the same house, but the distance between you and your spouse is palpable and lonely.  Every day you wonder what will happen in the future.

Many of my posts on Heart Talk in the past have been directed to you and the issues you face, but for the past several months in which we’re all trying to navigate through a Covid-driven world, my focus has been to reach out to everyone dealing with a new reality that has brought new stress and anxiety to life.

But I haven’t forgotten you, and this week I want to give you a potpourri of encouraging posts from the past you can look over so you can hopefully find something to help you on your difficult journey.

Feeling All Alone?

First, do you feel you are all alone? Do you wonder if anyone has ever dealt with what you are dealing with? Often, I get emails from readers or those finding me online who can’t imagine anyone else has dealt with a situation like theirs and actually seen their marriages survive.

But you are not alone! It’s just that not many people are vulnerable enough to tell you about it.  So here’s a post that invites you in so you can see that others have gone through similar things. And because of God’s grace and goodness, their marriages have been restored.  http://www.lindarooks.com/2018/04/19/you-are-not-alone/

And if you just need something to steady your swirling emotions so you can feel more confident about making good decisions, my book Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, can be a friend to walk beside you during this tumultuous and unsettling time.

Saving Your Marriage by Yourself?

Others of you may be crying out to God for your marriage to be restored, but you don’t think it’s possible because your spouse has pulled away from you and is perhaps seeking a separation or divorce. Your fear is that if your spouse doesn’t want the marriage, how can it ever be restored?  Everyone seems to say it takes two to reconcile a marriage. If this is true, what can you do by yourself? But is it true?  If this is the question you are asking today, this post is for you.  http://www.lindarooks.com/2016/06/03/takes-one-begin-reconciliation-marriage/

Easier to Get a Divorce?

Some others of you may be ready to just give up. Is it really worth the effort? If this is going to take a long time, wouldn’t it be better to just get a divorce and get on with my life? If this is your thinking, you might want to read the following: http://www.lindarooks.com/2019/09/03/would-i-be-happier-with-a-divorce/

How Do You Actually Reconcile when Separated?

But a number of you undoubtedly just want to know if reconciling your marriage is truly possible and what to do to save it. Is there really hope for YOUR marriage? Perhaps you’ve already tried. You’ve gone to counseling. You’ve tried to get your spouse to “talk.”  You’ve asked over and over, “What do you want? What can I do to make this better?” But you feel like you’re staring at a blank wall when you look at the blank look in his or her eyes. You feel like you’re out of options. You don’t know what else to do. Before my latest book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, came out, I wrote a series for those who are separated. This is part 3 of the four-part series.  http://www.lindarooks.com/2019/03/13/can-separated-couples-reconcile-bringing-about-reconciliation-after-separation/

And finally, some of you may just need to dive in and do the work to save your marriage. You may have been thinking about getting my latest book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, but don’t know if it will help.  The post below provides an overall look at the book and describes each chapter to give you a better idea of what you can expect to find there and how it may help. Will it actually help you achieve the goals you’re after? You can look here and see. http://www.lindarooks.com/2019/03/20/fighting-for-your-marriage-while-separated/

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated is also available as an audio book for those who prefer to listen in the car or close their eyes and absorb the words when feeling too weary or too depressed to read an actual book.

A New Series

After the first of the year, I hope to do another series on Heart Talk for those who are separated. This time I plan to share some of the things that weren’t included in my books, but offer additional help for those at a marital impasse.

Our Story

Because my husband and I went through the agony of a three-year separation ourselves, we have a deep desire to help others who are experiencing this lonely and troubling time in their marriage.

Here is a brief snippet from my husband’s and my interview on 100 Huntley Street. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcYZSAQN3AY  You can see both parts of the full interview on YouTube or just go to my website at http://brokenheartonhold.com to see those interviews. Plus, you can see others as well when you visit the speaking/media page.

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A Question about Judging Others

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm

Today I’m thinking. I’m not telling a story, and I’m not sure if I have a particular point to make. But I wanted to invite you into my reflections on a movie my husband and I recently watched. Maybe you have some thoughts you want to share on the subject too.  If so, I invite you to do so.

The movie we watched is “Green Book,” a true story about the relationship between a black concert pianist, Dr. Donald Shirley, and the rough and burly Italian driver he hired to drive him around the South for his performances back in the ’60s. His driver’s name was Tony Lip Vallelonga.

The movie was both eye-opening and thought provoking, providing a unique perspective of what it was like to be a black person in the South back in the early-middle part of the twentieth century and the humiliation so many of these people suffered simply because of the color of their skin. It is difficult for those of us of a different race to understand the humiliation they suffered simply because of the color of their skin.

But the movie went even deeper than that. When you peel away the layers of the story and the personalities involved, the significance and implications did not just revolve around race, but about the persona others see on the outside of a person versus the character within – whether that’s the skin color or the outer behavior and words.

The most obvious example of this was the refined, musical genius who happened to be black; but in a culture where people only saw the color of a person’s skin, the genius inside was invisible . . . until he was on the stage performing.

Then there were the refined and gentile concert goers who stood and gave the man a standing ovation when he played the piano, but refused to let him eat with them at the same restaurant where he performed for them. The people were refined in their speech and manners, but their hearts were toughened by their prejudices and lack of deeper insight.

And finally, the crusty, tough, rough-mannered Italian driver whose language and mannerisms were boorish and rude, but whose character and candor revealed an inner integrity and a kind and caring heart.

It made me wonder about the way we see people, the way we judge people. Do we judge people because of their skin color, their mannerisms, their dress, their speech, their age, their position in life?

I wonder how many of us mistakenly allow what we see on the outside to define what’s on the inside.  Or perhaps we let negative experiences make us cynical so we expect certain behaviors from people who look a certain way.

Do we sometimes judge someone for their crusty exterior only to discover at a later time they actually have a soft and giving heart? Tony, the Italian driver, was tough and crude on the outside, but his inner sensitivities gave him the ability to peel away the outer persona to find the real person of character within. I’ve seen some people like this – rough and even rude on the outside sometimes, but ready to jump in and help someone in trouble. They may be the first ones to stop and help someone with a flat tire on the highway while the “refined” drive on by.

Do we at other times believe someone is good and kind because of their smooth talk and pleasant face, but later hear cruel and cutting words, witness hypocritical attitudes, or discover dishonest manipulations happening when no one is looking?

And yet, many other times people are exactly what they appear to be on the outside. A refined, gracious person really is kind and sincere. A rough person actually is mean and thoughtless.

How do we discern? Or can we?

Maybe that’s why Jesus tells us not to judge. Often we only see the outer persona and miss the inner person inside with their longings, sin, and motivations, warts, and beauty. Only God sees the inner person. Only He knows their heart and motivations. When we try to judge people, we can easily miss the mark.

But Jesus also told us to love our neighbor. And He wasn’t just talking about the person we’d like to sit and have coffee with. Yes, He wants us to love that person too. But in His story about the good Samaritan, He made it clear He was talking about anyone who needs our love and care. And that is pretty much all of us, I guess. We all need love. We all need respect. And we all need grace –regardless of what we look like on the outside—or even how we behave and act. We all need the love of Jesus.

And as Christians, I guess that’s what we need to do—to do what Jesus told us to do – to love others, regardless of what we see on the exterior. If we could all really do that, it would be a wonderful world, wouldn’t it?

And if our world would learn what Jesus was trying to tell us, it would be even better.

Those are just my thoughts. What do you think?

 

Check out my books on marriage – Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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Wounded Women of the Bible, Finding Hope When It Hurts – Interview with co-author Tina Samples

Today I’m happy to be interviewing Tina Samples, co-author of Wounded Women of the Bible: Finding Hope When Life Hurts. In her book, Tina and co-author Dena Dyer share stories of hope from both the Bible and real life, which I think will encourage many of you. Tina is a Colorado-based writer, speaker, and worship leader, who serves alongside her husband Dave, the pastor of Grace River Church in Windsor, Colorado.

 Linda: Tina, tell me what prompted the writing of this book?

Tina: As a pastor’s wife, I minister to many hurting and wounded women. I started meeting with four women who were having extreme difficulties in their marriage. After our first meeting, I left wishing there was some kind of study I could use to help these women through their crises and suffering. A few days later I awoke with my name being called. “Tina!” The clock read 3:00am. Thinking perhaps my son was calling for me, I listened.  But I did not hear my son. Instead, I heard, “Tina, women in the Bible who have been wounded.” I asked the Lord if I should write about that and in my spirit heard him say yes. I then began the process of researching women in the Bible who were wounded. I had no idea the project would turn into anything more. Later on, I realized this project was bigger than me and asked my wonderful friend Dena Dyer, if she would like to help write the book. I’m so glad she agreed.

Linda:  The premise of Wounded Women of the Bible is that women today are not alone: women all around them, and women in the past (in the Bible), have experienced the same difficulties. What are some of the stories from Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: As we look through the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, we find many women who experienced deep pain in a variety of ways. In Wounded Women of the Bible, we look at these women’s lives. We touch on the two women in Solomon’s court and the battle of betraying a friend. We take a look at Abigail who seemed to have it all, yet behind closed doors lived with a mean and surly man. The readers will hear the desperation from the widow of Zarephath who struggled to make it through a famine. They will read about Jephthah and the wounding a father can place on their daughters. This book touches on wounded relationships and women who suffered through infertility. We read Jochebed’s story of having to release a child. And then there is Dinah who was sexually violated. Women will be able to relate to so many women in this book because we’ve been through it ourselves.

Dena did a wonderful job interviewing women in today’s world who experienced similar wounds as the biblical women. Modern day women share their own stories of healing. Women will come away with a greater understanding that they are not alone in their quest to find freedom.

Linda:  Along those lines, what are some of the stories from your own past that are used in the book?

Tina:  I grew up in poverty. My father stumbled into a life of crime early on in his life. He was a non-believer and my mother was a believer. Through my mother’s influence, we came to know Christ. I share about my own sexual abuse as a child and how God helped me find forgiveness and freedom. I share about a great loss. My brother’s murder was horrific and difficult to overcome.

Dena also shares some of her own personal stories, struggles, wounds, and how God helped her walk through them. The book was difficult at times to write, yet cathartic and healing all at the same time.

Linda: What do readers need to keep in mind when reading Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: This book is meant to open eyes and bring insight to how biblical women faced similar wounds that we go through. Our prayer has been that through this book, women will come to face their own hidden wounds and find freedom once and for all. It’s easy for women to cover their pain and past wounds with a band aide, but God wants to take off these superficial fixes and bind the wound in His way. Psalm 147 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” The word binding means to wrap like a turban. Think of a cast. When someone has a broken leg, the doctor casts it so the break can heal. The Lord wants to do the same with our wounds. God wants to wrap them with His healing balm. The balm comes in the form of His words, scripture, Bible passages, walking with us while we work through our hurts, allowing God to love us through them, and receiving His help. We just need to allow God to rip away the band aide we’ve placed on the wound so He can truly heal what’s beneath.

Linda: Pain can be felt in so many ways: the death of a loved one, divorce, infertility, etc. How can one person’s pain help another person if they did not experience the same thing?

Tina: We may not be able to relate to every person’s story but there is one thing we can relate to: the wound. I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t been wounded in some way or another. We can empathize with others by reminding ourselves of the pain we once experienced and how God brought us through that situation. Pain is pain. We can choose to walk through life with other hurting women. So often we have a difficult time doing that due to our own wounds. But when we find freedom – we have the power to minister in ways we never dreamed possible.

Linda:  On your webpage, you have something called the “Wounded Women Pledge.” I have a feeling there might be a story behind this.  Can you tell us the reason for this?”

Tina:  At our previous church, I was wounded by someone close to me. As the pastor’s wife, I found that many women had a difficult time reaching out to me. Many of my friends turned away. I felt abandoned and alone. For some reason women often have a difficult time walking with other hurting women. We judge and turn away too easily. Perhaps the wound gets a little too close to the woman who never fully dealt with her own wound. I’ve heard sad stories from women losing longtime friends because they divorced due to abusive relationships or from infidelity. Those women could not walk with them through their grief or through God restoring them due to sin.  It truly is time to stand up and walk with one another as Christ would have done for us had He been here in the flesh – and continues to do in the Spirit. I encourage readers to take the pledge and decide to walk with wounded and hurting women.”

Linda: What are one or two major points that you would like your readers to take away?

Tina: God is never far away and though it may feel like it, He never gives up on us. His passion is to bring hope and healing into our lives so that we can live life abundantly. There is hope. We never walk alone. Freedom awaits. We just meed to step into it.

I also want readers to find out about other ways to minister to hurting women by taking the Wounded Women Pledge to walk with wounded and hurting women. Also, they can connect with Blogs for the Healing on my webpage @ www.tinasamples.com.

Linda:  Where can readers find out more about your book?

Tina: You can find Wounded Women of the Bible on Amazon,  on my website at https://www.tinasamples.com/ or any other bookstore.

 

 

 

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Surviving the Trial of Our Lives

God Sometimes Uses His Mysterious Ways to Bring a Marriage Together

Guest Post By Janet Holm McHenry

Photo by Josh Applegate

Every once in a while someone will ask, “What’s been your toughest trial?”

It all comes back quickly. Craig and I were sitting on a bench outside the courtroom when the jury started walking toward us to head back in after deliberations.

The disgusted, even angry looks on their faces as they saw us made me instantly ill.

Minutes later came the verdicts. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

A rancher, my husband was convicted of six felony counts of animal abuse relating to the deaths of six young calves that had wandered during a two-day blizzard in the Sierras in the winter of 2001.

We had thought the two-week trial was simply something we’d have to live through. However, from the get-go the judge seemed to have it out for my husband. He harassed every defense witness—even two cattle veterinarians and me.

When I was trying to testify that Craig brought newborn calves into our home to warm them during winter weather, the judge interrupted me: “Who are you, Virginia Woolf, that you go on and on?”

He also stopped evidence from being admitted, including auction records that showed my husband got top dollar for his animals.

The worst was when the judge would not allow our chief witness to testify—a UC Davis veterinary school professor considered the top beef expert west of the Rockies. He would have testified at trial that of the two animals necropsied, one had twenty pounds of feed in its stomach and the other, a high level of colostrum.

And so my husband was convicted, and we had to wait two months before the sentencing.  The wait was not easy for me. My heart would not stop racing, and I had to go on anti-depressants. I quit working my job as a high school English teacher several weeks before graduation.

I could not go out in public. The trial jury of our peers in our county of three thousand had slapped us in the face. One jury member was the business manager of our small school district. Another was a woman who had subbed for me in my classroom. And the jury foreman was the son of a woman with whom I had prayerwalked. I had walked and prayed for those people and my town. I could not face people.

I wasn’t so happy with my husband either. For years I had prayed for our marriage. We’d struggled so much that when Craig had a law office a decade earlier, I typed up my own petition for dissolution of marriage when I worked for him—just to see what it would look like. It didn’t look good, so I gutted it out. And while the convictions brought out a lot of the blame game on my part, I did my best to support him nonetheless.

On the day of the sentencing, we filled the courtroom with family and friends, including six pastors. The judge, seemingly alarmed with such support for Craig, gave him two years of probation and a fine that was the equivalent of a year of income for us. In the shadow that was our lives that was a bit of hopeful light.

After the sentencing hearing a large group of women surrounded me, and Craig’s friends surrounded him. I was stunned at people’s reactions.

One friend said, “I was so impressed with Craig’s faith—the quiet peace on his face.”

Another said, “He is a living testimony to the power of God!”

My mother said, “Craig could run for mayor and win!”

As they were speaking, I looked over at my husband, seemingly glowing with a calm and presence I’d never seen before. He truly was a testimony to the power of God, and a sense of love for him I’d never known before came over me.

Right then I knew that while we had just experienced the hell-on-earth trial of our lives, God had answered my prayers for my marriage through that awful experience.

For more than a year Craig and I worked together to write the appeal that he filed with the California Court of Appeals in Sacramento—documenting from the court transcript the more than two hundred prejudicial statements and actions from the judge.  And about two years after the original trial, the appeals court overturned the convictions.

When I told our story at a conference last year, an appeals attorney told me afterwards that in his career he’d only won one case—that’s how rare that happens.

Since that time God has blessed us with the best years of our married life. Craig has become outspoken about his faith, and I love him more than ever, proving the truth of my favorite verse, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Matthew 19:26).

 

Janet McHenry is a national speaker and the author of 24 books—six of those on prayer, including the bestselling PrayerWalk and her newest, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, in which she writes more about how Jesus’s prayers can help people through seemingly hopeless seasons. More information on her speaking and books can be found on her website: https://www.janetmchenry.com.

              

 

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Sifting Our Hearts in Times of Turmoil

Photo by Aaron Burden

When troubling times come to our nation, I can’t help wondering what God is doing. In these situations, my mind often drifts to some thought-provoking words in the “Battle Hymn of the Republic.” The words were penned during the Civil War by Julia Ward Howe who was an abolitionist. Stanza 4 declares:  “He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat. Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be jubilant, my feet! Our God is marching on.”

As I look at what has been happening in our country during the last couple of weeks – the angst and pain, the mayhem and anger, I hear those words in my head “He is sifting out the hearts of men . . . .” and I wonder.

Is that what God is doing? Is He sifting our hearts? And are we listening? Are we listening to what God is saying to us during these times?

What is God Saying to Us?

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”  And Proverbs 21:2 pushes the point even further by convicting us of our own stubbornness. “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.”

It’s the human condition. We are fallen creatures. And unfortunately we often seem to need a time of tribulation for God to get our attention. We see this stated again and again throughout scripture. Proverbs 17:3 compares the testing of our hearts to the refining of gold and silver. “The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold. But the Lord tests the heart.”

We have been in the refining pot of late. We may even feel like we’ve been in the furnace. First, during this pandemic, and now in the frightful aftermath of the injustice witnessed in the cruel death of an innocent man.

And I believe God is getting our attention.

In the shock and dismay I see around this land, I see walls crumbling – people who have stood on different sides of the divide – suddenly expressing a new understanding. Hearts are opening in the midst of God’s refining fire. And perhaps this is what God wants to do with us as a people—to sift out the hearts of men before his judgment seat so we can see one another through His eyes. For I believe before the wrongs of our society can be changed, our hearts must change first.

A Demonstration of God’s Healing Love

At Faith Assembly of God in Orlando last Sunday morning, I witnessed a beautiful example of what we as Christians can do to come together with those of other races.

Toward the end of the service, Pastor Carl Stephens (who is white) called a young black man to the stage, who told his story of growing up in a small Georgia town, where he was snubbed and subjected to a steady diet of racial slurs, indignities, and shame throughout his young life. Although he was initially taught to hate those who hated him, some white people who looked past his color to value him as a person opened his heart to another way. One of these was a police officer. But the true answer for racial harmony, he said, lies in hearts being changed by Jesus Christ.

His story was sobering, but what followed touched me more deeply than I can describe.

Pastor Stephens lead him to a chair, knelt, and took a basin of water with which he washed the young black man’s feet. As he did so he spoke about Jesus’ love and Jesus’ example to us of how to serve one another with humility and love.  During those few moments, I know many tears were shed throughout the congregation as we watched this beautiful demonstration of the love of Jesus. It was a time of humility and healing.

The healing that occurred in this church where there is an even mix of races—black, white and Hispanic—was a powerful expression of what we as Christians can do when we allow God’s Word to penetrate our hearts.

Somehow this hit me more acutely than ever before in a way that humbled me as a white woman. I saw the pain and fear that many black people must endure in their daily life. And I couldn’t help thinking: perhaps this is the answer—Christians of all colors and races coming together in the humility of washing each other’s feet.

We are called as Christians to love one another, to serve one another, to have compassion for one another, Colossians 3:12 says, “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”

Correcting the injustices and ills of our society needs to begin with changing the hearts of its people, and the greatest changer of hearts is Jesus Christ. If each of us searches our own hearts, if we allow the love of Jesus to sift through any insensitivities or wrong thinking we have clung to, perhaps we will begin to see the healing of our nation.

“Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be jubilant, my feet! Our God is marching on.”

 

You can read more about the origins of The Battle Hymn of the Republic here.

Read the story of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet here: John 13:1-17

 

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