Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace – Author Interview with Tracy K. Pratt

June 18, 2020 by Leave a Comment

When you know loss is coming, when does grief begin? Afterwards? Or before? And how do you work through it? Tracy K. Pratt’s book, Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace, is a book I have looked forward to sharing on Heart Talk before the writing was even finished. At a writer’s critique group Tracy and I both belong to, Tracy brought one of the chapters of this book to be critiqued when she was still in the process of writing it. The response from a woman in the group who had been battling cancer for years was so  poignant and dramatic, the rest of us ended up in tears. The woman with cancer urged Tracy about the need to have it published. Now it has. This is a book for those who are facing grief but don’t know what to do with it. The writing is beautiful, poetic, and soul warming. I’ll let Tracy describe the book herself –in a way only she can do—in the interview that follows.

Linda: What motivated you to write Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: I wanted to answer this question: What would I have picked up, read, and found to be good news when our daughter Hannah was growing up?

Grief shadowed my husband, Coleman, and me from the moment Hannah was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (CF) at 5 weeks old in March, 1982. At that time, the life expectancy was 12 years. Her rough start indicated we would outlive her. Coleman would want to voice his sorrow. As her primary caregiver who fought the disease daily, I could not face that probability. I fought for my dreams that one day she would know the deep love of a man like I did, that she and I would be good friends in my old age.

In March 2007, six months after Hannah’s death, Coleman and I listened to a video in Grief Share. The speaker said as a side note that whenever a loved one is diagnosed with cancer or any life terminating disease, we anticipate their death.

We grieve. Immediately. And continually.

In less than 10 seconds, the speaker gave an identity to the emotions, stress, uncertainty and cloud of sadness we experienced from the moment of her diagnosis to her death. Our “normal” life with CF, which included progressive losses over her lifetime, was real. The speaker’s words lifted the years of unspoken heaviness. Relief overwhelmed us. We exchanged smiles and joined hands.

I want to give that relief to others and lead them to what they may not know. They grieve before loss. It is not a sin but a gift.

Linda: Do you think you achieved your goal? Would you have read this book when Hannah was 12?

Tracy: Yes. Within its pages, my younger self would have found an honest fellow-pilgrim, who did not provide formulas or try to sugar-coat the journey. Instead, she would have found a woman with a voice rich with compassion who knew a hope that does not disappoint in unfixable circumstances.

I would have found the book approachable because of its format. Chapters are easy to read with natural breaks between sections to pause and process the content. The metaphor of autumn pictures well how beauty and goodness bloom in our painful, and unavoidable circumstance.  The use of “I” and “us” sets a conversational tone between the reader and author.

Linda:  What role do you play in the mental and spiritual health of someone in anticipatory grief?

Tracy: I accompany others in their journey as a fellow-pilgrim who has traveled through the autumn of loss more than once and no doubt will again.  My greatest contribution to a traveler’s anticipatory grief is to remember what my younger self needed.  That focus equips me to encourage and assist women so they can live in that tension with healthy habits and hope.

Linda: People have varied opinions about grief’s importance in our lives. What is yours?

Tracy: I believe grief is a gift from God. Unwanted? Yes. Uninvited? Definitely.

But, trustworthy.

I believe the ultimate purpose of grief is to lead us to greater intimacy with Him—greater than what Adam and Eve knew in the Garden of Eden. The core cause of all sorrow is our separation from Him. His greatest grief is our natural bent to choose our own way which began when Adam and Eve doubted God’s goodness.

God is is not distant nor unaware of grief. In Chapter 3 of the book we travel through the Bible beginning in Genesis and see God experienced personal grief. We see in the Gospels Jesus grieved at Lazarus’s tomb, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and most importantly on the cross. There Isaiah’s prophecy (Isaiah 53:6) was realized. God laid on Jesus the sin of us all. I believe in that moment when He cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, Jesus knew the full weight of our deepest grief.  Our separation from Him.

That is why I believe grief’s greatest and good purpose is to lead us to God who does not judge us for grieving our treasures. Our broken hearts cry Jesus’ words in our pain. God does not forsake us. In our anguish, He draws near. Sometimes he pulls us to Himself and whispers, “I know.” Other times He stands silent waiting for us to trust Him.

Grief wakens the soul to our true existence. We read in Genesis 1:26-27 that God shaped us in His image. Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God placed eternity in the hearts of humans. We are designed for an eternal relationship with Him above other treasures. Grief before and after loss opens the soul to the naked reality that what we hold dear in this world does not satisfy the undying longing in the soul. He does.

Linda:  What specifically do you mean by “treasure”?

Tracy: A treasure is anything or anyone we hold tightly in the heart.

We lose things we love. A job. A house. Cancer, cf, Alzeimer’s and other diseases steal the bloom of our health, or of a child, a spouse, or parent.

Dreams shatter. Mine did as Hannah’s mother. Other circumstances such as drug or alcohol addiction crush a parent’s dream. A woman lies in bed alone, her heart broken. Her husband wants a divorce. A college quarterback headed for the draft suffers an injury that jeapordizes his promising career. The perpetual single aches for that one true love.

Seasons end. Parents leave their last child at college for their freshman year.

We should treasure things and people. They are gifts from God. But, they die. And we grieve, as we should. Death should not be.

Linda:  Why do you use autumn as a metaphor for anticipatory grief?

Tracy: In autumn, the mountainside’s dress of summer green fades. Deep scarlet, golden yellow, and burnt orange blossom. How ironic. We flock to see leaves die, yet not once does that reality cross our minds. We are in awe of the beauty that blooms.

The earth shifts its face away from the sun. Sap slows. The leaf slowly starves. Its true color erupts. This pictures the dramatic spiritual transformation that God does in us when winter threatens our treasures. We can be assured as the relentless chill whips about our treasure that the seed of trust burrowed in the soil of His promises will take root come spring.

Linda:  How are you a fellow-pilgrim to other women in their anticipatory grief?

Tracy: Imagine a weekend retreat in mid-October at a lodge in the mountains.

Now envision a place online that refreshes and renews a woman in the autumn of loss with that kind of respite. This is the purpose of my website. It’s tagline is “Beauty blooms in our broken places.”

My blog, Artful Soul Care, on the website, offers restoration like curling up in an overstuffed chair with hands wrapped around a hot mug of cider or cocoa, or on a hike tramping through fallen leaves on the mountain. This is a place to engage with creativity, to receive practical guidance, and to gain spiritual direction so that a woman’s soul is not overwhelmed by the day to day tension of anticipatory grief.

Paper Plate Studio, also on the website, provides visual refreshment. Photographs, paintings, posters, and cards are available for purchase. They celebrate God’s good eternal story, His hope, beauty,  and goodness we discover in the insignifcant, broken, and sorrowful places of our lives.

Artful Soul Care on Facebook is a private group that opens Wednesday, July 1. That day, and the following three Wednesdays at 7 pm, I will be doing four part session “Four Habits for the Journey.” Reading the book is not necessary nor is being in anticipatory grief to join the group. We all have traveled or will travel the autumn of loss in big and small life-changing ways. And, we have, or will have friends who live in the season. Joining provides community, encouragement, practical helps for the journey and keeps God’s eagle perspective in sight while traveling.

Linda: Where can people purchase your book, Anticipatory Grief?

Tracy: Anticipatory Grief: The Journey of a Thousand Losses and Endless Grace can be found on Tracy’s website and on Amazon,

 

 

 

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Your Layoff Can Be a Gift in Disguise

May 28, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post By Mary Aucoin Kaarto

Photo by Tim Mossholder

“Who knows? Maybe this layoff will be one of the best things that ever happened to you!” chirped a much-younger, child-free co-worker of mine, upon learning I had just been laid off.

With my finances falling apart after the layoff, I found her response offensive

While I’m sure she meant well, little did I know just how prophetic her words would become years later. Ever since my book, HELP for the LAID OFF was published, my own personal two-year layoffs as a single mom and the blessings that followed them have allowed me the privilege of listening to and trying to comfort many people who lost their jobs. What has been especially rewarding is when readers follow up with me – even years, later – to let me know where they landed (so to speak), and how. I can’t count the number of times people have told me they were grateful for their layoffs, which allowed them to go back to school, decide to go into business for themselves, spend more time with their kids, etc. Many of them, like me, decided to believe God when He said He had a good plan for their lives.

My first layoff occurred in the early 1990s and the second, began in 2002. Suffice it to say that while I have some experience in terms of the hardships that follow, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult a layoff must be in the midst of this unexpected pandemic. But what I do know, God is still the same: yesterday, today and forever.

The same God that formed you in the womb, gifted you with unique skills and abilities, raised Jesus from the dead, parted the Red Sea, gave sight to the blind and yes – allowed you to lose your job – is the same God who I know will provide for, comfort, strengthen, teach and guide you into a blessed and beautiful future. Because we know God plays no favorites, what He did for me, He will do for those who follow where He leads. Even when they can’t see where He’s taking them, how long it will take to get there, or why.

If you’ve been laid off, I know you may be frightened.  Because of my own two layoffs, I can  understand and empathize. But I want to share one of the many incredible true stories of what I experienced during and after my first layoff, believing it will both encourage you and give you hope. I will share some practical tips I learned as well at the conclusion.

My Story

For almost 20 years while raising my daughter as a single mom and working as an administrative assistant, my dream career was to travel and write for a living—in spite of not having a degree. Shortly before I experienced my first two-year layoff, I decided if I did not do something to try making a career change, God certainly was not going to.

So, I did.

As crazy as it sounds, I called an editor from the Houston Chronicle, introduced myself and pitched her an idea for a story. Layoffs can make a girl do crazy things. Much to my surprise, even after learning I had never been published, she gave me the chance. Even more shocking, she decided to publish it the following week. She gave me a second assignment soon afterward, and a 10+ year working relationship began.

Also, during this layoff and after having received many additional writing assignments, I began contacting local magazines to see if I could find work. Much to my surprise, doors were opened. I began writing about subjects I knew nothing about, shaking in my britches in fear.

Although I was pleased to receive some assignments every month or two, it still wasn’t enough to live on, but it encouraged me to pursue my writing dream.

After about one year, God led me to approach oil and gas magazines. Do you have any idea just how crazy THIS was? The only thing I knew about oil and gas was that you needed them in order to drive a car.

So, I did.

One day I was able to get an editor of one on the phone, so I introduced myself, explained the purpose of my call, and we ended up chatting a blue streak for well over an hour. Jim (not his real name) was just the nicest guy on the planet.

“You have been such a delight to talk to. I am sorry that the company does not hire freelancers, but I would enjoy reading your work. Send me your resume and some of your clips,” he said.

So, I did.

Shortly after this, I received a long-term contract position for an engineering company through a temporary employment agency, which, of course, had no benefits. Even though I realized this temporary job could end at any time, I strongly sensed God challenging me to step out in faith to rent a much more expensive apartment. I felt I had lost my mind that hot day in July as this new apartment increased my rent by $300 month.

I continued to look for a “real” job. A job with a good salary, health insurance, a 401K plan, paid sick leave and paid vacation. Editorial positions are few and far between, even and especially in Houston. Finally, one day, an ad appeared for a full-time editorial position, and I applied for it.

Who knew the publisher himself would call me for an interview? And that one of the editors was the same guy I talked to the year before when I was scouting for freelance assignments? Or, that I would actually receive a job offer? Without having a college degree, no formal training, no mentor and no foot in the door? #withGodallthingsarepossible

Helpful Tips for Navigating the Financial Pain

But what are some practical strategies you can try now to help your financial situation? Some of the ways I learned to make ends meet are as followed:

  1. Bartering for services. A few examples included babysitting my hairdresser’s infant son in exchange for her styling my hair before job interviews;
  2. Taking my friend’s elderly mom to physical therapy appointments three times per week for several months, in exchange for her paying my utility bills; and
  3. Writing an article about my orthopedic surgeon’s practice in exchange for him examining and treating my knee after I fell 16 feet off a ladder.

A layoff is a perfect time to try the unthinkable, with faith as small as a mustard seed, and let God show you what He is capable of when you decide to follow Him.

Who knows – your layoff may be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

For there is no partiality with God. —Romans 2:11

Read more helpful tips for navigating a layoff in Mary’s previous author interview on Heart Talk for her book, Hope for the Laid Off

Mary Aucoin Kaarto is a retired award-winning editor and author of a series of books written specifically for those who are between jobs. Her new book, PRAYERS for the LAID OFF, has just been released. You can read about her first two books, Help for the Laid Off, and Hope for the Laid Off, in her previous Heart Talk interview. She has been featured on TV, radio and in numerous publications. For more information about Mary or her other books, please visit at https://marykaarto.com. Mary invites you to follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @marykaarto.

 

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Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

May 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

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Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Author Interview with Patty Mason

August 7, 2019 by 1 Comment

With depression rates climbing and listed as a leading cause of disability worldwide, author Patty Mason wants you to know that if you or someone you love is battling depression, you are not alone and there is hope. Patty knows the pain and devastation of depression, but she is no longer in that dark place. Her passion and deep-seated conviction to help others learn the truth and break the cycle, compels her to extend hope by earnestly sharing her story in her new book, Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs.

 Linda: Patty, what a joy it is to be able to hear more of your story of how you overcame depression. I think as a nation, we’re all becoming more and more aware of its seriousness. But first, tell us, what led to your depression.

Patty: Depression has a root, so the depression began years before any symptoms became visible. Because of my abusive past, a counselor or psychologist might say the depression took root in childhood. My issues with anger certainly took root then. But from my perspective, the depression took root at age eighteen, when I started to leave the past behind and search for the things I thought would fill me and make me happy.

Linda: Hmmm. I’m intrigued. How would a search for fulfillment lead to depression? 

Patty: Many things can cause depression: hormonal imbalance, a chemical inconsistency in the brain, life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one or chronic illness, even bitterness and unforgiveness can lead to depression. It may seem odd to say a quest for fulfillment contributed to my depression, but to see that it’s possible all we have to do is watch the news to learn of another outwardly successful life that was cut short.

Linda: If the depression took root at eighteen, when did the symptoms appear? When did you know you were depressed?

Patty: At age thirty-five I was at the peak of life. I had a husband who loved me, three beautiful healthy children, a nice home, and a successful career, yet I was miserable. Even though I had everything I longed for and set out to find from the time I was eighteen, once I received it, it didn’t measure up—it couldn’t. All my hopes, dreams, and expectations left me empty.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was standing on stage in Dallas, Texas, before thousands, being recognized for one of the highest levels of achievement in the company. In that moment, I found myself thinking: Is this all there is? Is this what I shipped my children off to a babysitter for? Is this why I did the changing of the guard with my husband? In the middle of what should have been a magnificent moment, my soul began its plummet from this momentary high, to miserable depths of confusion. From that day on my life spiraled down a deep, dark tunnel.

Linda: When you realized you were depressed, what did you do? How did you deal with the depression?  

Patty: At first I hid my feelings and tried to fix myself. I did everything I could think of to get better. Nothing worked. I turned to alcohol for comfort and to cope. Plus, the alcohol made me sleepy, so this provided another form of escape. When I realized I couldn’t help myself, I turned to family and friends. Afraid of what others would think, this was difficult. How would they react when I told them about my extreme sadness, bouts of rage, and turning to alcohol? Would they judge me, criticize my feelings, or condemn my actions?

Since I hid everything prior to this point, when I finally started to talk about it, to my surprise no one judged, criticized, or condemned. Instead they didn’t believe me. Even my sweet husband didn’t get it. Every day I tried to tell him something was wrong. And every time he said, “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

Linda: How did the depression and your husband’s unwillingness to listen effect your marriage?

Patty: His response made me feel even more isolated and hopeless. What I needed from my husband was compassion. I needed an active listener with whom I could be open and transparent, someone to really hear what I was going through and try to comfort me. This is one of the reasons why I added a special section in the book for caregivers, along with practical tips on how to handle someone with depression. Depression is hard on everyone. If you don’t know what to do or how to help your loved one, you can make the depression worse.

Linda: Did you ever seek professional help? Did you take medication?  

Patty: I did seek professional help, believing that if I could just get a pill I’d be fine. I called several doctors, but I would get responses like, “I’m sorry, we don’t handle that kind of depression.” Or, “I’m sorry we don’t take your insurance.” Since I couldn’t find a doctor to help me, I never went on medication.

Linda: What did you do when you couldn’t find help?

Patty: Not being able to help myself or find help from family, friends, or doctors, I felt so alone that I began to have thoughts of suicide. I actually convinced myself my family would be better off without me.

Linda: Oh no, and your husband didn’t see the signs that you felt this way?

 Patty: No, he continued to believe I’d be fine. I knew my husband loved me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. That’s the thing, if you’ve never experienced depression, you don’t understand the deep despair, or the irrational way the mind thinks.

Linda: How did you find healing? What happened?

 Patty: In desperation I cried out to God. But I didn’t ask for healing, I asked for Him to take my life. I was suicidal, so I was still thinking death was the only way out. For months I prayed that way, but the turning point came when I felt as though I had been ground into the ashes from which I came.

One morning as I stood sobbing in the shower, I knew I had come to the end of myself. Instead of begging God to take my life, however, I cried out to God for His help. It was a simple prayer. I acknowledged that only He could help me, and then asked Him to help me. Through my sobs I heard a faint voice say, “Go to MOPS.” I didn’t want to go. I had been avoiding the meetings because of my depression, but I went as an act of obedience.

At the meeting the speaker, a soft-spoken, warm, and gentle older woman, grabbed my attention when she began to speak about what it’s like to have a lack of joy and no real purpose in life. I was intrigued and began hanging on every word as she talked about finding joy in Christ. At the end of her talk, I responded to her invitation to pick up some literature and ended up pouring out my heart to her. Even though she was a stranger I could feel the love of God reaching out from her to me. I wanted whatever she had to give me. I wanted to get rid of the pain.

After listening for several minutes, she touched me on the arm, and immediately the heaviness lifted from my spirit. I felt a freedom I’d never known before. As I turned to walk away I knew God had healed me.

Linda: This is an amazing story! But I want to back up a minute. You said earlier depression has a root. How important is it for us to understand where that root came from, and how do we get to that root?  

Patty: We will not move forward until we understand the origin of the depression, anger, fear, insecurity, whatever emotional pain is keeping us bound.

Start by asking God to show you why you are feeling the way you are, and where it started? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself and God some difficult questions. Once the root is exposed, ask God to get it out. I talk about this in the book and the process we need to go through. It’s not easy. We will need to cooperate and work with God through the process; but, in the end, it is worth it! This is also why I talk about depression from a biblical perspective, its causes and its cures. We need to understand that not all depression is clinical or mental illness.

Linda: What is the one message you want people to take away from your book? 

Patty: You are not alone and there is HOPE! Many mighty men and women of God—who knew God and walked with him—also knew what it was like to fall into a pit of despair and hopelessness. The good news: God didn’t leave them there. He cared for them, gave them what they needed, brought good out of their circumstances, gave them a new perspective, and delivered them.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, or learn more about you or your ministry?

Patty: Visit our website at www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com.  You can also ask for Finally Free at your favorite bookstore, or order it online. If you’d like a signed copy, we are offering a discount through our website.

 

 

 

 

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Dear God I’m Desperate – Author Interview with Jeanne Le May

August 23, 2018 by Leave a Comment

DO YOU EVER WISH you could write a letter to God, telling Him your troubles, and then get a direct response back from Him with a specific answer to your particular concern? In Jeanne Le May’s new book, Dear God I’m Desperate–Women Have Issues, God Has Answers, Jeanne does just this. Each chapter begins with an honest and desperate letter to God, followed by an encouraging and scripturally based answer.

Today, I’m happy to be interviewing author Jeanne Le May to learn more about what readers can expect when reading her book.

Linda: What led you to write this book?

Jeanne:  My personal struggles in two broken marriages that ended in divorce prompted me to face the reality of my own desperation. Overusing prescription drugs to cope with my pain brought no relief.

Distraught and without hope, journaling became my heart’s constant cry to God. A pattern of communication developed, I’d pour out my raw emotions to God, and He would answer with loving kindness from His Word. No matter the circumstances, I could come to Him, and He would nurture, comfort and encourage my soul.

Soon, everywhere I turned, I observed other women also suffering with serious issues. I kept thinking God could help them, too—if only they would cry out to their loving Father. So I started writing letters to God on their behalf . . . and God answered.

Linda:  I love the idea of journaling. I found that so helpful too when I was separated from my husband. And journaling from God’s Word brings real answers. The subtitle of your book is Women Have Issues, God Has Answers. What are some examples of the issues you address in your book?

Jeanne: Dear God I’m Desperate includes difficult topics of universal interest to women that our culture and churches often tend to ignore for the sake of political correctness:

  • Divorce
  • Husbands addicted to pornography
  • Post-abortion heartache
  • Homosexuality
  • Depression
  • Abuse

This book creates a shame-free platform for discussion of all of our concerns—no issue is off limits.

Linda: What made you choose to use a letter format for the book?

Jeanne: The newspaper column Dear Abby provided inspiration—women wrote to her for decades seeking help. As Christians, however, our help comes from God Almighty, so why not write to Him and seek His Truth to guide us through our difficulties? He’s ready, willing, and able to help us when we humble ourselves before Him. He longs for us to admit that we’re struggling and trust Him with our relationships and circumstances. The letter format creates a personal connection with our heavenly Father.

Linda: How did you come up with the answers you give to each of these desperate cries for help?

Jeanne: That’s a great question, Linda. The answers are based on my 20 years of daily saturation in God’s Word. Every morning I pour my heart out to God about my concerns, questions, and heartaches and then search scriptures until the Holy Spirit reveals applicable truth. For the Dear God I’m Desperate letters, I identified problems other women face and used the same dialog process. James 1:5 outlines the principle on which these answers are based, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you.”  I ask—confident that God will answer—and He provides wisdom.

Linda: I see that you’ve created a fictional setting called Hysteria Lane, the home of all the characters in your book. How did you come up with that idea?

Jeanne: The stars on the TV program “Desperate Housewives” lived on Wisteria Lane; I always chuckled to myself that, with all the drama in their lives, they should live on Hysteria Lane. As I wrote Dear God I’m Desperate, that idea resurfaced. In order to tie the women together in their hearts and minds, I developed a community of women who live on Hysteria Lane.

Imagine four friends who live on Hysteria Lane gathering for coffee. Julie shares her tears as she recounts her devastating day in divorce court (Zach’s Final Lie). Danielle, recently widowed, explains her struggle with depression at the death of her lifelong husband (Withered Heart). Laurie reports her relief in ending chemotherapy and her further distress at the toll the treatments have taken on her depleted body, soul, and spirit (The Red Cocktail). Christina dares to admit her sorrow over the abortion of her precious Amy on the day that would have been her sixteenth birthday (Sweet Sixteen and Never Been Kissed.) Women sharing their hearts deepens their love and caring for one another. In their willingness to be vulnerable, the women find encouragement and hope as their friendships strengthen.

In Dear God I’m Desperate, God reveals His trustworthy promises to calm and heal their hearts.

Linda: Who will benefit from reading your book?

Jeanne: This book is intended for women struggling with everyday issues.

Women alone.

Women faced with shattered marriages.

Women plagued with depression.

Women distressed with doubts, confusion, and fears.

Women stunned by bad news.

Women overwhelmed with guilt.

Women brokenhearted by children.

Women abused.

One of my readers said in her review on Amazon, “This book is a very honest, straightforward description of real world problems faced by women of all walks of life. One may not identify with every issue, but you will find yourself in its pages. Not only will this book guide you to God’s word, it will provide the much needed comfort you seek when struggling with life today. It is both confident and tender in its guidance.”

Linda: In your book you refer to the concept of “Divine Exchange.” What do you mean by that?

Jeanne: “Divine Exchange” refers to a spiritual transaction that changes our lives.  When we bring our troubles to our Creator, He unburdens our hearts. For example, He exchanges despair for hope and replaces worry with peace. Faith in Him casts out fear. Dignity as daughters of the King displaces shame.

Linda: What do you hope women glean by reading your book?

Jeanne: Linda, it’s my desire that women develop intimacy with God our Father. In the book, after each chapter, space has been provided for readers to write their own heart’s cry to God. Then, scriptures may be applied to their personal issues. This format provides a model for their ongoing conversations with God where they can find hope, encouragement, and validation as God’s precious daughters and know they are not alone in their struggles.

Linda: What are your future goals?

Jeanne: I believe God has provided this book as a way for Him to allow me to speak to women’s hearts. Writing for me provides ministry for desperate women. Much of my time is also spent in speaking engagements. My closet contains 80 journals filled with personal dialogs with God. So however I can serve whether through writing or speaking, that’s what I want to do.

Linda: Where can readers find your book and learn more about you?

Jeanne: The book is available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble & other booksellers.  Readers can visit my website, blog and Facebook page: jeannelemay@mac.com.  On September 14, 2018, I will be speaking in Daytona Beach, FL at the JOY conference sponsored by Glorious Living Ministries. The conference is free as is God’s love. For details, go to: glorious living.net, which also contains my bio.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Caring for the Caregiver, Author Interview with Cheri Swalwell

June 18, 2018 by 1 Comment

Even when couples have a good, loving marriage, certain attacks can come from the outside that put an unusually heavy strain on the relationship. One of these attacks comes in the form of health issues, requiring one spouse to become the caregiver of the other. In this case, both partners must learn to navigate their marriage relationship while also taking on new and different roles with one another. One must learn to deal with their new disability. The other must develop a new skill set and the strength to take on their new responsibility.

Cheri Swalwell has written a Bible study called Caring for the Caregiver to help sustain the caregiver when taking on such an unexpected role in their marriage. 

Linda:  You wrote a book titled Caring for the Caregiver. Could you explain how that offers hope to couples in difficult marriages?

Cheri: Difficulties in marriage come about through internal or external circumstances. Our difficulties occurred through a series of external circumstances.

In 1999, I married my best friend. We got married in our late twenties and decided we’d start a family sooner rather than later. By 2006, I was fulfilling my dream to be a “stay at home” working mom with a six-year-old and a three-year-old. Life was good.

In September 2006 I decided to join a women’s Bible study. I remember driving home one evening, thinking about the group conversation that night. One question kept repeating in my mind: Did I trust God? I knew He was in my heart and I loved Him, but did I really trust Him?

Sadly, my answer was no. I didn’t trust God – not with my husband, my kids, or what mattered most. Right then, I prayed and told God I wanted to trust Him, asked Him to help me learn how to trust Him, but to please be gentle during the process. I waited a few minutes and was met with silence.

While I didn’t forget about the conversation, I didn’t pursue it any further. I’d asked, so I figured the next move was His. It didn’t take me long to realize God is faithful to answer when we ask with the right attitude.

Linda: That’s quite the statement to make to God. I love how even though you didn’t think you trusted God, you still knew He would answer your heartfelt prayer.

Cheri: Exactly. I didn’t know how, but I knew enough about God to know He would answer in His time. About halfway through the Bible study, I found out we were pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I had planned for two children, God planned a “plus one more.” I was over the top ecstatic. Thankfully, my husband felt the same way and I relished every minute of being pregnant one more time.

Except for an announcement to family only at Thanksgiving, the pregnancy was kept a secret during the first trimester. In mid-December, we felt it was safe enough to start telling. Three days later, one day shy of the official 12-week mark, I woke up bleeding. Less than six hours later, we lost our baby. Due to complications, three days later I was in the ER facing a necessary D&C to allow the physical healing to start. However, the emotional healing would take much longer.

I’d been looking forward to celebrating Christmas with a little one safely nestled inside. However, I faced the Christmas Eve service alone. My husband was confined to bed with the flu and our baby was in Heaven. I felt so alone and completely forgotten.

Linda: I’m so sorry for your loss. Death of a child is hard on a marriage. Yet, I understand your marriage was still to be dealt one more blow. Please tell us about it.

Cheri: Around this time, our church had called a corporate fast to begin in February. God invited me to fast, but not for our church. He asked me if I would fast for my family. He wanted me to fast for the four of us to grow closer together and for my husband and me to grow stronger in our marriage. I accepted the challenge and the fast began the week before Valentine’s Day. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband.

The Friday after Valentine’s Day began as a normal day. That evening we put our kids to bed and settled in for the night. During a commercial, my husband went to check on the kids. He got halfway up the stairs and turned around, his pulse racing, his face ashen and physically shaking.

“Cheri, I don’t feel well” was an understatement. He looked awful, so I immediately called the doctor. His symptoms were passed off as “the flu” and I was instructed to watch him during the night, “but he should be better by morning”. Easier said than done. The doctor wasn’t seeing what I was seeing. I couldn’t sleep, begging God to fix whatever was wrong. I had just lost our baby in December; I wasn’t ready to lose my husband, too.

We spent the next six weeks back and forth to the emergency room, hoping they could give us answers. After an approximate 35 pound weight loss in six weeks, my husband was finally admitted to the hospital. We needed to know what we were fighting.

Months later, we received one of many diagnoses and have spent the last ten years pursuing healing and adjusting to life within our new normal. We also learned some valuable lessons from God.

Linda: What is one truth you learned through this experience with your husband that you would like to share with others?  

Cheri: When one person in a family unit is suffering, it affects the entire household. Many times, chronic illness can pull a couple apart. I believe God invited me to fast for our family before the illness hit because He wanted to prepare us for the upcoming journey. I’m so grateful I accepted that invitation and believe it has helped us grow stronger as a family, but more importantly, as a couple.

Approximately six to eight years after our journey began, we were in the office with another new doctor, this time tackling food sensitivities, another symptom of my husband’s autoimmune disease.

At one point the doctor and I were in the room alone. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I distinctly remember the doctor stating how amazed she was with the support I was showing.

“Why wouldn’t I support my husband? We’re in this together. He doesn’t want to be sick any more than I wish it for him. In fact, if I could, I would take it away from him and suffer instead, if just to give him a break.”

Her reply stuck with me. “You’d be surprised how many spouses don’t support their loved ones. They blame the one who’s sick for the illness or for not doing enough to get better. Your husband is blessed to have your support because sadly, not many married couples are that supportive of each other.”

If I have one word of encouragement to offer others facing similar circumstances, it’s to fight the illness together as a team instead of fighting each other and not the illness.

God was able to use all the above circumstances to help me learn how to trust Him – not just with my husband and kids, but with every area of my life.

Linda: What led you to write a Bible study book about your experience?

 Cheri: As believers, I feel strongly that when we are allowed to experience trials and challenges in life, we are to use the empathy born from those painful experiences to walk alongside others on similar journeys. Pointing others to the One who has the answers produces a ripple effect of blessings in our lives. As God introduced me to couples walking through similar heartaches, our experiences allowed me to offer them encouragement.

Almost ten years later, in January 2017, during one of my now-regular fasting periods, God asked me to take the lessons He taught our family throughout the past decade and share that encouragement on a larger scale in the form of a Bible study for caregivers. I knew this invitation was from God because He downloaded the entire outline of the book to me in about 20 minutes.

In December 2017, Caring for the Caregiver was published. In June I finished co-leading my first Bible study using this material.

Linda, one member from the group sums up her and her husband’s experience in the group so eloquently, “Looking at caregiving as a partnership had not occurred to us and when you look at it that way, things change. God has given us a new tenderness toward looking at fighting the disease/condition together and not being frustrated with the person being cared for.”

 Linda: Is this a book that can only be used as a Bible study and is it specific just for caregiving for one’s spouse?

Cheri: I’m glad you asked, Linda. This book is about more than just caregiving for one’s spouse. It offers encouragement to foster parents, hospice workers, nurses – anyone in a caregiving role of any kind. There are two sets of questions following each chapter to accommodate all caregiving situations. And because all caregivers know time is precious, the chapters are short and easy to read.

 Linda: Where can people learn more about you and your books?

Cheri: Come visit me at Spoken from the Heart to see my full list of books. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or through email.

 

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Joy in the Darkest Moments

June 8, 2018 by 14 Comments

On my blog I often talk about finding hope in unexpected places. And I believe it.  I’ve seen it and lived it.  But finding joy in the darkest moments? That’s another issue.  Can you find joy in those dark moments when death is imminent?

My friend Judy did. And through her I saw it also—joy in an unexpected place– in one of the darkest moments of a person’s life.

But I didn’t fully realize what I saw until three weeks later.

***

Having just received the dreaded phone call that Judy had finally succumbed to her cancer, I sat on my bed with tears in my eyes, and reflected on my last conversation with her just three weeks earlier. Judy’s voice had grown weak and feeble at this point, and she carefully enunciated each word. But she did not complain. No, not Judy. Instead, the natural storyteller in her rose up to tell me the joyful happenings of the last few weeks, happenings that, now as I sat in reflection, brought her life full circle to reinforce the beautiful narrative of who she was as a woman.

When Judy was first diagnosed with cancer and given eighteen months to live, the news was devastating, but she was amazingly at peace.  She approached her remaining days with gusto and grabbed that diagnosis by the throat, deciding to live fully until the very end. When the doctor gave her that last fatal report, he asked her what she wanted to do with her remaining time.  “I want to go skydiving,” she said.

And she meant it.

Judy was what I would call a renaissance woman. She was a beautiful woman and dressed impeccably. She was an artist, a published author, a successful business woman, a dedicated Christian, and stood solidly behind her convictions.. She gave of herself through her worldly goods, her time, and her service. She reached out to the disadvantaged, adopting two orphans from Mexico, helping in an inner city ministry, and most notably, following her passion to protect unborn babies. Mixed in with all these other attributes, she was also a pilot. It was during her days of flying that she had met her husband Mitch.

Now, with only months remaining, she wanted to go skydiving and have a gala for her newest book, Fascinating Women. Although her husband eventually nixed the idea of her skydiving, she did have her gala, and it was splendid. She gave the proceeds to a pancreatic cancer non-profit.

Although it was remarkable to watch her living through her final months of life with such zest and passion—and beautiful to the very end—it’s the last days of her life that I marvel at most.

When I talked with her three weeks before she died, she recounted to me the joyful happenings of her previous few weeks as she lovingly chose special gifts for each of her grandchildren when they came to visit her one last time.  Judy was an elegant woman. Both her clothes and home reflected her exquisite taste. And with great care, she chose something from her closet, her jewelry box, or her home to give to each of her seventeen grandchildren. As we talked, she described in detail each visit, her special connection to the gifts chosen, and how each grandchild reacted when she gave them one of her special treasures.  She happily described a granddaughter trying on an outfit and saying, “Oh, look, Grama, how beautiful this is. And it fits perfectly.”

Judy was dying, but she was full of joy in her giving.

Now as I sat on the edge of my bed and reflected on the joy she radiated in the darkest moments of her life, I remembered the last book she had unveiled at her gala. Confessions of a Cheerful Giver.

And that was her secret.

Giving to others.

She had spent her life learning to give joyfully, and now at the end, when life was ebbing away, she was still giving. It was her hope, her joy. She indeed was a cheerful giver.

I didn’t realize how near the end she was the last time I spoke with her. But I heard the joy in her voice. In those dark moments, she still had joy—an extension of the joy she’d found throughout her life—the joy of giving.

 

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With You Always

October 22, 2015 by Leave a Comment

sunset rays MGD©Fleeting moments of sleep evaporated into the shadows of night as I awoke and stared again at the clock. How many more hours and minutes until 5 a.m. when we had to rise to make our early morning trek to the medical center?

Although I believed and hoped the results would be positive, I struggled with a certain amount of apprehension and uneasiness about my upcoming eye surgery. As sleep continued to dodge in and out, my restive mind floated prayers into the lost moments of slumber.

The next morning passed in a swirl of paperwork, eye charts, needle pricks, IV lines, and high-toned beeps, which later morphed into a semi-conscious blur of Velcro strapped limbs, dazzling lights, bright colors, and drippy eye drop residue.

At home after the surgery I was alarmed when my vision was fuzzy. It was worse than it had been a day earlier—not better.

“It’s not supposed to be this way,’ I told my husband. “Everyone says I should see better right away.”

In my Bible study the week before, I had read Revelations 1: 8 where Jesus said “I am the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last.” The study question had asked, ‘What does this mean to you?”

I responded that, since Jesus was in the past as well as the future, for me it meant that wherever I went Jesus would be there with me.

Lying in bed that day, I reflected back on my response at the Bible study. Jesus was with me.

Yes, I knew this was true. He had been with me throughout the surgery and he was with me now.

One by one, scriptures dropped into my mind:

“Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

“The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)

I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I would be fine. God was in charge. I just needed to stay focused on Him.

The next day at my follow-up visit, the doctor checked my eyes and explained the reason for my slow recovery, assuring me things would clear up soon. Gradually the blurriness subsided and within the week my vision was restored. Colors popped. The world appeared in high definition.

Life is full of scary incidents. It may be surgery, illness, or unpaid bills. It may be a spouse leaving and asking for divorce. It may be a child in rebellion. But all the while, Jesus is with us, taking care of us. Nothing escapes his notice, and nothing is beyond His power. He is capable of so much more than we can imagine.

In the midst of unsettling times, God is teaching us to trust Him. He wants us to lift our eyes to Him instead of fearing the outcome of menacing circumstances rising up around us. He wants our restless minds and troubled hearts to rest in Him. He is bigger, stronger, and smarter. We worship an all-seeing, all-knowing God, who isn’t intimidated by the mud pies the world slings at us.

We are never alone. God promised to be with us always. And Jesus keeps his promises.

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Matthew 27:1

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Out of the Dust: Story of an Unlikely Missionary by Avis Goodhart – Interview with Collaborative Writer Marti Pieper

October 15, 2015 by 1 Comment

Out of the Dust - Cover - Marti PieperThis week I’m privileged to interview Marti Pieper, a dear friend and collaborative writer who has put into words the story of a woman who surmounted huge obstacles in her life through a faith that grew through the challenges. By surrendering her life to God, Avis Goodhart not only became stronger herself, but eventually began to serve others and glorify God in powerful ways.

As a collaborative writer, Marti Pieper has used her passion to read, write and pray to help produce eight non-fiction books, including Out of the Dust, which received AWSA’s Golden Scroll Nonfiction Merit Award this past summer.

Linda: The title of your book intrigues me, Marti. Could you tell my readers how you came up with the title, Out of the Dust?

Marti: I wrote the book for missionary Avis Goodhart. Pacasmayo, the small city where her ministry is based, is a dusty place. Avis founded an orphanage, church, and school there, all built on top of a landfill. When I stayed there to interview Avis and others, I had to wear sunglasses whenever I went out—not because it was so sunny, but because of the constant dust in the air.

But the “dust” in the title is also a metaphor for the lives God has used Avis to bring out of brokenness. Her own background is a prime example of that. Her book also includes small stories of other lives God has brought out of the dust through her ministry.

A Faith That Overcomes

Linda: You say the author overcame personal obstacles. Could you tell us a little bit about that? How did her faith help her through them?

Marti: Some of the first obstacles Avis had to overcome began in her childhood. Her father loved her, but he suffered from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of his service in World War II. As a result, the family made multiple moves—often with only a few minutes’ notice. Seven children and two parents traveled in one old car with all their belongings stuffed into the trunk and piled on top. One year, Avis and her siblings went to ten different schools.

Avis was also a victim of child sexual abuse and, like many in that situation, believed she was dirty and somehow at fault. But her faith in Christ helped her gain a new identity in Him and confidence in His power. Now, she reminds others that God can use them no matter what. One of her favorite sayings is, “Don’t waste your pain.”

Avis also experienced the pain of infidelity with both her marriages. Her teen marriage ended after eleven years, and she later remarried. But she soon realized her new husband struggled with alcohol and infidelity. One night, she sat on her bed, telling God she was ready to stop being a good girl. “I have the name (divorcée), why not play the game?” she thought.

But God had other plans. He showed her a movie in her mind of a woman fixing up house after house and trying to please man after man. None of those relationships worked, and Avis realized God wanted her full surrender. Once she gave Him her life and her plans, He restored her marriage in a miraculous way.

Linda: How did Avis’s background of pain lead her into mission work?

Marti: That’s another great story. Avis has dyslexia, and after she raised her children, she went to college and became a special education teacher so she could help others with disabilities. Her interest in missions began in childhood, but she didn’t follow up on it for many years. After she became a teacher, she started taking mission trips with her nieces in the summertime, traveling cross-country to tell others about Christ.

But God kept calling her to do more. She offered herself to various mission organizations, telling them she was available during summer break and would pay her own way, but she never heard back from any of them. Finally, at age fifty, she took her first mission trip with a friend and saw God use her in incredible ways. She then began taking mission trips on her own. Eventually, God led her to Peru, where she founded and built an orphanage, Casa de Paz (“House of Peace”) as well as a church and school.

A Faith That Reaches Out

Linda: How has her faith helped her in her ministry? Could you share a story from your book about this?

Marti: Avis’s strong faith is the reason she went to Peru—and all the other countries—in the first place. She’s an “unlikely missionary,” as the book’s subtitle describes her, because with her background as well as her disability, most people would not consider her a good missionary candidate. Avis not only has dyslexia but also suffered an attack of Bell’s Palsy which left permanent damage, so she had to leave the teaching profession. But God uses us as we make ourselves available to Him.

A great example of her faith and availability is told in Chapter 13, “Hurricane!” Before Avis founded the ministry in Peru, she served multiple times in Honduras. When Hurricane Mitch hit that country, she believed God wanted her to bring supplies for its victims from her hometown in Arkansas. Tyson Foods lent her a semi-truck and driver, and Avis solicited enough donations to fill the entire truck.

Despite many obstacles, she traveled on a shrimp boat to reach Honduras with the supplies during the final stages of the hurricane. First, the shrimp boat captain didn’t want her to come, but she prayed and persisted until she was signed on as a crew member. Next, she became terribly ill from the wind and waves. For three days, she lay in a cabin, almost unable to move. But once she felt better, the first thing she did was to have a praise party right there on the deck of the ship. The crew laughed at her, but Avis didn’t care. She knew she had to worship the great God who protected her.

Linda: That’s fantastic, Marti. What a a great story! I’m sure some people are wondering about your role as a Marti Pieper“collaborative author.” Would you tell us a little about what this means and what your part was in writing Out of the Dust?

Marti: A collaborative writer is someone who writes books or other materials on behalf of others. The authors for whom I write often don’t have time or ability to write their own books. They’re usually busy running a ministry or traveling to speak. I love being the one who helps them put their messages or stories into print.

On a few of my book projects, I remain hidden—in other words, my name doesn’t appear on the cover. That’s called ghostwriting. But on this book and two others, my name is listed on the cover (“with Marti Pieper”), so I’m considered a collaborative writer.

Linda: Thank you so much, Marti, for telling us about Avis and her ministry. I pray that her story will encourage others to follow her example of faith. How can readers connect with Avis and with you?

Marti: They can connect with Avis through Facebook www.facebook.com/avis.goodhart or at her ministry’s website, www.go-yeministries.com. They can also see a video of Avis’s most recent appearance on 100 Huntley Street at: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Iz9jKnGiN4.

They can find me at my website, www.martipieper.com, on Facebook, www.facebook.com/marti.pieper, or on Twitter, www.twitter.com/MartiPieper. Thanks so much for this privilege, Linda!

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Disappointments

August 15, 2014 by 4 Comments

pink ribbonDetails! And all those little things that seem to have no consequence.

When they’re all strung together, sometimes God gives us a glimpse of what He is doing behind the scenes in the midst of our disappointments. That happened to me one Saturday morning.

As I climbed into the car and turned the key in the ignition that morning, I looked longingly at the clock on my dashboard. How I wished I could skip my writers group meeting so I could attend my grandson’s soccer game where he was to receive a trophy.

A month earlier, however, friends from church, whom I’d frequently encouraged to attend our writers group, informed me they were coming. Laurie was an excellent writer and had battled cancer for 15 years. Recently, she’d had another bad cancer scare. She was improving now and with her beautiful testimony, she was writing a book about prayer with her husband. I had planned all month to be there to greet them and encourage her in her writing.

When Pete emailed me the night before to tell me he would be coming alone because Laurie was not feeling well, I wrestled with skipping the meeting and attending my grandson’s soccer game instead, but I continued to feel that I should be there for Pete.

As the meeting was about to begin, I was pleasantly surprised to see Pete and Laurie both walk in the door together. Laurie had come after all. But it had not been without some struggle and disappointment of her own.

As we sat down, Laurie shared her deep disappointment at having to pass up a free ticket to a Beth Moore event. After her recent cancer scare, she needed encouragement and had welcomed the opportunity for some inspiration. But the night before, she had not been feeling well and gave up the ticket. When she actually did feel better in the morning, it was too late. Someone else had the ticket, And so she had come to the writer’s group.

As the morning evolved, however, we both discovered God’s reason for our disappointments. His plans were indeed higher than ours.

God Had a Reason

After the large assembly time that morning, we split into critique groups. According to custom, Laurie and Pete were placed into my group since they were newcomers and I was their sponsor. Two people in our group brought writings for critique. The first one brought a chapter of a book she was writing about anticipatory grief. It was a term I’d never heard before, which refers to a period of time when a person is dealing with an inevitable grief that hasn’t yet arrived, but keeps the heart “on hold” with hope mixed with fear while waiting for that dreaded moment when grief and loss threatens to sweep down upon them.

I was the reader that morning, and as I read each beautifully written word about the feelings one encounters in anticipatory grief, I glanced at Laurie and Pete across the table, wondering how this was impacting them: this was indeed the journey they themselves had been walking together for years.

About two-thirds of the way through the reading, Laurie got up and went to the restroom. I stopped and asked Pete, “Is Laurie alright?”

“I think it’s more of a bladder problem than an emotional one,” he said reassuringly.

Later, however, as we went around the group for people to make comments, we discovered that was not entirely true.

Lack of Faith or Anticipatory Grief?

As Laurie began to speak, she could hardly get the words out, then broke into tears. When she collected herself, she spoke resolutely.

“This book needs to be published as soon as possible! I have cancer,” she announced to the group. “We’ve been walking through this for 15 years, and I never knew this term. When I had these feelings I always thought it was a lack of faith. I never knew until now that these were normal feelings.” She choked back tears and resumed. “I was so disappointed that I couldn’t go to see Beth Moore this morning. I never imagined God had something even more powerful planned for me today at this meeting.” The tears spilled down her cheeks now as she let go of the emotions welling up inside her and allowed the words she’d heard to take hold in her heart. As acceptance and healing washed through her, the significance of that moment spilled out onto the rest of us sitting around the table as well. We all knew God had orchestrated this time.

By now, I was crying too along with the woman who was writing the book. Around the table, when each person offered comments, hearts were laid bare as they poignantly shared personal stories of grief and healing.Tissues were passed around the table, and everyone sat in wonder at what God had done when he sifted through our plans that morning to bring us together. It truly was one of those beautiful “God” moments.

So, yes, I missed my grandson’s soccer game and Laurie missed the Beth Moore event, but God had planned something so much more amazing than if things had gone along according to our own plans.

One of the things I have been learning lately is that if I can relax and surrender each moment to God, even when things are going contrary to what I want, God uses each of these moments as one more step, one more detail, one more piece of the puzzle He is using to make something happen that is beyond my imagination.

“I know the plans I have for you, plans for [your] welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 — Holman Christian Standard Bible)

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