Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart – Interview with Author, Julie K. Gillies

When I asked Julie Gillies if she wanted to do an author interview on my blog, the title of her new book seemed tailor-made for 2020. Is there any time in history when more of us have had anxious hearts? All over the world, anxiety permeates our lives. The year 2020 has brought one anxious situation after another, and we are all reeling, not only with anxiety about today, but with questions about what will happen tomorrow.

Julie’s new book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, helps readers focus on God instead of our anxieties as she gently leads us to know God better, know the Scripture, and know how to pray. Here is a book that might not only be a good one for you to read yourself, but to give to friends and family as gifts this Christmas. 

Linda: Tell us why you wrote Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart?

Julie: While on my knees one evening praying specifically for a family member who struggles with anxiety, I wished for a book on anxiety and prayer I could offer them; something Scripture-based and simple so it would be encouraging but not overwhelming to read. That single thought flashed into an idea that eventually became the devotional, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart.

I had no idea it would release in the middle of arguably the most difficult year most of us have ever navigated. 2020 has spiked anxiety levels worldwide. Most of us have experienced fear, confusion, health concerns, and various degrees of isolation. Civil unrest, violence, bare grocery shelves, and even toilet paper shortages are realities few of us have navigated. And, of course, add to this the ongoing (or acute) relational, marriage, career, or personal issues we all cope with. Our hearts need peace now more than ever!

Linda: There are lots of devotional books available to readers, but tell us why your book, Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, can especially help people during troubling times.

Julie: I’m a huge fan of learning by doing, so this book provides actual prayers for the reader to pray. Those Who struggle with anxiety struggle to focus, and so these prayers keep the reader focused through simple yet powerful prayers. The devotional portion is brief yet meaningful and focuses on Scripture (which is what we all need more of right now). We don’t need more opinions, information, or ideas. We need more of God’s word in our hearts! It stabilizes us, and fills us with truth and peace.

Linda: Since Jesus promises peace, why do you think so many of us are so anxious?

Julie: Here in America, we Americans are accustomed to and expect certain levels of peace, comfort and security. We want tranquil, undisturbed, nearly perfect lives. Most of us are unused to the challenging events 2020 has brought. Plus, we’re not robots—we have emotions and struggle to find our equilibrium in hard times. Jesus knows this and offers us precious comfort and reassurance:

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] (John 16:33) (AMPC)

Jesus is saying life on this earth will be hard—no matter where we live. Reality check: we aren’t in eternity yet! We can still be confident and even undaunted, not because the world lines up in Utopian perfection, but because Jesus offers us His supernatural and perfect peace in the storm.

Linda: How can we trust that God really hears our prayers when bad things keep happening?

Julie: It’s disheartening and distressing when we pray and we don’t see the results we long for. It’s tempting to believe God doesn’t hear or care. But He always listens and always hears us (see John 11:42).

God is often more interested in developing godly character in us and helping us to develop perseverance and tenacity than in reducing our discomforts. He wants us to ask and keep on asking (Matthew 7:7). We can’t give up. We must continue to pray for peace, for our family, for those in authority and for our nation, because that’s what God wants. Ultimately we trust that God is sovereign and the response is in His hands.

Whatever we’re enduring personally, the Lord knows and cares about every detail. He sees our hurts. He understands our pain. Nothing escapes His notice! I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. (Psalm 31:7)

Lastly, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that God is in the fire with us (see Daniel 3). Life in 2020 has felt more uncomfortable and hotter than most of us have experienced, but our true comfort and our saving grace is that we are not in it alone. Just like He was with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, Jesus Himself is in the fire with us.

Linda: That’s an encouraging perspective. How do we shift from simply knowing God offers peace to actually living a less anxious life?

Julie: Our focus determines our peace level. It’s important to be aware because Jesus said to watch and pray, but it’s a divine balance. We want to pray effectively by being aware of the issues of our time, but we don’t want to be obsessed with those issues. So we want to be informed but not obsessed.  

To have rest in our souls we must protect our primary focus: we must read God’s Word more than we read social media or watch the news. Not in a head-in-the sand way but in a God, You are sovereign and holy and greater way. Ultimately our goal should be to pray and keep our hearts riveted on Jesus, because what we think about steers our hearts.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your books?

Julie: All of my books, including Prayers to Calm Your Anxious Heart, are available wherever books are sold. To read the first chapter of each book for free (and for more FREE sources), I invite your readers to visit my website: www.JulieGillies.com

 

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Strength for the Weary

I was on my third run to the drug store in two hours. This time it was to get batteries for the blood pressure monitor I had just bought during run #2. My husband had recently endured two lengthy hospital stays in the last three weeks, and we were both exhausted. The tests, the doctor’s appointments, the new routines that had to be followed, staying stocked up on the right food and drink, remaining observant about health issues. I had to remain vigilant, but it was wearing me out.

As I reached the stoplight at the end of my street, I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. “Help me, God, I’m so tired.”

Into my mind immediately came Isaiah 40:31. “Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

As I finished reciting the verse, my spirit lifted. “Those who wait on the Lord” . . . . Yes, that’s what I needed right then. The Lord . . . renews my strength when I am weary. The words were so fitting. I felt like I was constantly running around, trying to help my husband, trying to remember everything I needed to do and everything he needed to do. But God was telling me when I wait on Him I “will run and not grow weary for He will renew my strength.” I repeated the verse over and over in my mind.  And as the scripture settled and took root in my spirit, I honestly didn’t feel as weary. I repeated the verse over and over in my mind as I took the last turn into the drug store. God was filling me up with His strength, and as He gave me His strength, He was renewing my strength.

Many of us feel weary right now. Maybe it’s not because of trying to help an ailing loved one, but because of continued lockdowns and the inability to go out and socialize with friends and family. You may be dealing with a shrinking budget because of shutdowns at work, or perhaps you’re trying to hold down a job while also trying to help your children do school from home. Maybe your marriage was already crumbling before the world was hit by Covid, and this situation is exacerbating the friction between you.

Or perhaps you’re actually one of those who are suffering from Covid yourself or have a friend or family member trying to recover from this frightful virus. Perhaps you live by yourself and the loneliness is descending like a cloud of darkness over your spirit.

Whatever the reason, too many of us are weary.

Right before Jesus was born, the world was weary too. The Bible says they lived in darkness.  Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, looked forward to the coming of Christ as he spoke this prophecy at the birth of his son, who was to be the forerunner of the Messiah. “The rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace” (Luke 1:78-79).

In the darkness, God sent the Light of the World to shine into our lives to bring us hope and peace. God knew what was happening. God saw the hopelessness people were experiencing. God knew what was needed. And He sent us Jesus.

So yes we are weary. Yes, we’ve walked through a cloud of fear and uncertainly. Our normal lives have been disrupted. Even with a vaccine coming, we still don’t know how we will hold on.

But Christmas is coming. And it’s not just about the lights, the presents, and the music. It’s about the Christ child, who brought hope and salvation so we could turn our worlds around. No longer do we need to depend on the world to bring us joy. We only need to invite the Savior into our life and let Him settle there.  And each time we feel the weariness descend upon our hearts, we need to “wait upon the Lord.”  “He will renew [our] strength.” We will feel our hearts “mount up on wings like eagles. We will run and not be weary. We will walk and not faint.”

“Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘’My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God’? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall. But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40: 27-31).

 

If you are weary from trying to reconcile a broken marriage, you can find hope and strength through my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. In this book, as I walk with you through this difficult valley, I believe you will “renew your strength” for the journey ahead.

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More Heart Talk on Heart Talk

Photo by Mimi Thian

When I first envisioned writing my blog and calling it Heart Talk, it was with the idea of connecting more personally with my readers. Since I frequently receive emails from those reading Broken Heart on Hold or Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I thought a blog would give readers an opportunity on a regular basis to respond to what I write and ask questions, tell their stories, or whatever they’d like to say. In addition, I hoped to create a community of my readers who could not only respond to me, but respond to one another as well.

Many times I get an email or comment from one person whose situation is similar to someone else who has also written me. I think, “It would be great if they could connect and support each other.”  Community and support systems are very meaningful. We have seen that in our Marriage 911 classes. Many times someone comes to class feeling they are the only one going through something, only to discover others grappling with some of the same issues. Participating in one of our small groups often becomes one of the most meaningful aspects of the class for many of those who attend. I see the encouragement on their faces and hear their words of support in their sharing. It becomes a community of life giving hope.

Some of you don’t know anyone going through what you’re going through. You don’t have classes like Marriage 911 to attend. You feel alone and isolated. What I’d like to do with Heart Talk is to bring you in—to include you in a community of people who can share and support each other through the trials and struggles of life.  Of course, because of my books on marriage, many times the struggles involve marriage. But sometimes, it might be a struggle with your faith or something else.

You know if you’re reading one of my books that they are intended to speak to your heart, to engage your thinking, and give you encouragement. That’s what I want to do with Heart Talk also. Heart Talk is intended to go beyond the books, to reach out to you and bring you into community. You don’t have to use your real name when making a comment. An alias is fine. Just make your comment at the bottom of this post.

So let’s begin sharing heart to heart. What would you like me to write about? Do you want to make a comment about one of my past posts? Or questions? I’d like to hear from you.

To encourage your comments this week, I’m going to offer one of my books in a drawing. Each person who comments will be entered into the drawing. If you are the winner, you can choose which of my books you want me to send you. Here are the choices:

Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, my first book, is written to be a friend to you as you journey through a crisis in your marriage. Wherever this journey is headed, you need strength to make wise decisions and take the next step on the path you are traveling. Broken Heart on Hold walks with you on the journey to help you become stronger emotionally and spiritually. Written in short one – two page segments like a devotional book, it’s a book many people read again and again.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted, guides a person step-by-step through the complexities of a separation by sharing practical insights, biblical wisdom, true stories of reconciled marriages, and experiences from my own personal story of reconciliation after a three-year separation from my husband. The book shows how one spouse who wants to restore a broken marriage can find the hope and help he or she needs even if they’re fighting for their marriage alone.

The Bunny Side of Easter, my children’s Easter picture book, is an exciting adventure story about an ordinary rabbit whose heroism makes him the Easter bunny and the rabbit on the moon. Through bits of allegory, the book points children to the true meaning of Easter and the greatest hero of all. If you as a parent or grandparent feel a disconnect between the Easter bunny and the true meaning of Easter, this book provides a sweet answer for the children in your life.

If you’re the winner, you can choose any of these books, and I will send them to you in the mail.

So, what would you like to say this week? I’m looking forward to your comments below.

 

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Your Layoff Can Be a Gift in Disguise

Guest Post By Mary Aucoin Kaarto

Photo by Tim Mossholder

“Who knows? Maybe this layoff will be one of the best things that ever happened to you!” chirped a much-younger, child-free co-worker of mine, upon learning I had just been laid off.

With my finances falling apart after the layoff, I found her response offensive

While I’m sure she meant well, little did I know just how prophetic her words would become years later. Ever since my book, HELP for the LAID OFF was published, my own personal two-year layoffs as a single mom and the blessings that followed them have allowed me the privilege of listening to and trying to comfort many people who lost their jobs. What has been especially rewarding is when readers follow up with me – even years, later – to let me know where they landed (so to speak), and how. I can’t count the number of times people have told me they were grateful for their layoffs, which allowed them to go back to school, decide to go into business for themselves, spend more time with their kids, etc. Many of them, like me, decided to believe God when He said He had a good plan for their lives.

My first layoff occurred in the early 1990s and the second, began in 2002. Suffice it to say that while I have some experience in terms of the hardships that follow, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult a layoff must be in the midst of this unexpected pandemic. But what I do know, God is still the same: yesterday, today and forever.

The same God that formed you in the womb, gifted you with unique skills and abilities, raised Jesus from the dead, parted the Red Sea, gave sight to the blind and yes – allowed you to lose your job – is the same God who I know will provide for, comfort, strengthen, teach and guide you into a blessed and beautiful future. Because we know God plays no favorites, what He did for me, He will do for those who follow where He leads. Even when they can’t see where He’s taking them, how long it will take to get there, or why.

If you’ve been laid off, I know you may be frightened.  Because of my own two layoffs, I can  understand and empathize. But I want to share one of the many incredible true stories of what I experienced during and after my first layoff, believing it will both encourage you and give you hope. I will share some practical tips I learned as well at the conclusion.

My Story

For almost 20 years while raising my daughter as a single mom and working as an administrative assistant, my dream career was to travel and write for a living—in spite of not having a degree. Shortly before I experienced my first two-year layoff, I decided if I did not do something to try making a career change, God certainly was not going to.

So, I did.

As crazy as it sounds, I called an editor from the Houston Chronicle, introduced myself and pitched her an idea for a story. Layoffs can make a girl do crazy things. Much to my surprise, even after learning I had never been published, she gave me the chance. Even more shocking, she decided to publish it the following week. She gave me a second assignment soon afterward, and a 10+ year working relationship began.

Also, during this layoff and after having received many additional writing assignments, I began contacting local magazines to see if I could find work. Much to my surprise, doors were opened. I began writing about subjects I knew nothing about, shaking in my britches in fear.

Although I was pleased to receive some assignments every month or two, it still wasn’t enough to live on, but it encouraged me to pursue my writing dream.

After about one year, God led me to approach oil and gas magazines. Do you have any idea just how crazy THIS was? The only thing I knew about oil and gas was that you needed them in order to drive a car.

So, I did.

One day I was able to get an editor of one on the phone, so I introduced myself, explained the purpose of my call, and we ended up chatting a blue streak for well over an hour. Jim (not his real name) was just the nicest guy on the planet.

“You have been such a delight to talk to. I am sorry that the company does not hire freelancers, but I would enjoy reading your work. Send me your resume and some of your clips,” he said.

So, I did.

Shortly after this, I received a long-term contract position for an engineering company through a temporary employment agency, which, of course, had no benefits. Even though I realized this temporary job could end at any time, I strongly sensed God challenging me to step out in faith to rent a much more expensive apartment. I felt I had lost my mind that hot day in July as this new apartment increased my rent by $300 month.

I continued to look for a “real” job. A job with a good salary, health insurance, a 401K plan, paid sick leave and paid vacation. Editorial positions are few and far between, even and especially in Houston. Finally, one day, an ad appeared for a full-time editorial position, and I applied for it.

Who knew the publisher himself would call me for an interview? And that one of the editors was the same guy I talked to the year before when I was scouting for freelance assignments? Or, that I would actually receive a job offer? Without having a college degree, no formal training, no mentor and no foot in the door? #withGodallthingsarepossible

Helpful Tips for Navigating the Financial Pain

But what are some practical strategies you can try now to help your financial situation? Some of the ways I learned to make ends meet are as followed:

  1. Bartering for services. A few examples included babysitting my hairdresser’s infant son in exchange for her styling my hair before job interviews;
  2. Taking my friend’s elderly mom to physical therapy appointments three times per week for several months, in exchange for her paying my utility bills; and
  3. Writing an article about my orthopedic surgeon’s practice in exchange for him examining and treating my knee after I fell 16 feet off a ladder.

A layoff is a perfect time to try the unthinkable, with faith as small as a mustard seed, and let God show you what He is capable of when you decide to follow Him.

Who knows – your layoff may be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

For there is no partiality with God. —Romans 2:11

Read more helpful tips for navigating a layoff in Mary’s previous author interview on Heart Talk for her book, Hope for the Laid Off

Mary Aucoin Kaarto is a retired award-winning editor and author of a series of books written specifically for those who are between jobs. Her new book, PRAYERS for the LAID OFF, has just been released. You can read about her first two books, Help for the Laid Off, and Hope for the Laid Off, in her previous Heart Talk interview. She has been featured on TV, radio and in numerous publications. For more information about Mary or her other books, please visit at https://marykaarto.com. Mary invites you to follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @marykaarto.

 

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Thirteen Things We May Have Learned In Quarantine

Photo by Umit Bulut

Now that parts of the country are beginning to open up again, and before we move too fast to getting back to “normal,” perhaps it would be good to reflect on what we’ve learned during this time of quarantine.

Only few times in history has the entire world suffered through the same experience at the same time, but 2020 will long be remembered as a time when we all knew the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic that arbitrarily claims lives. It will also be remembered as a time when we all were cloistered within our homes with few interactions with those outside our immediate family.

As tragic as this situation has been for many, I believe in every situation—good or bad, we have an opportunity to learn something that will grow us into stronger and better individuals.

So what have we learned during this quarantine?

  1. One of the happiest sights I’ve seen during this time of isolation are families strolling through the neighborhood, talking and laughing together. Moms and Dads and their kids are spending time with each other in large chunks of both quantity and quality time. It’s been an opportunity to get to know and enjoy the individuals living in our own house. Without the outside interference, the nuclear family is sharing new experiences together. Perhaps this time of quarantine has even created unique and special memories for our children.
  2. And how about the joy of spending time outside! With gyms closed, we’re learning to enjoy nature by running, walking, and biking instead of going to the gym. While in quarantine, I’ve been reading a book about having a healthier brain. In this book, author Timothy R. Jennings, M.D. sites studies, showing that spending time in nature provides multiple healthy benefits. Beyond that though, these studies also show that “exercise conducted outdoors rather than indoors appears to have a more robust heath benefit.” He goes on to cite research that shows how physical exercise conducted outdoors instead of indoors results in lower rates of depression, improvement in self-esteem and mood, as well as benefits in such things as heart rate, blood pressure, autonomic response and endocrine markers. Something to remember when gyms open up again and life resumes its usual pace.
  3. Learning to appreciate the luxury of going to the grocery store and finding anything we want on the shelves. Not every country has this luxury. Here in the U.S. we are so blessed as a nation in simply being able to go to the store, knowing we can find whatever we’re in the mood for. Having now gone through a time when many shelves were bare during the quarantine, let’s remember this lesson when we return to normal and be thankful for the many advantages we have in this country instead of dwelling on what we don’t have.
  4. Learning to appreciate our jobs and getting a paycheck. We might complain about them at times, but when they’re taken away from us, we realize how fortunate we truly are. We may not be as rich as some of our friends or someone we see on TV, but by having a job, we are able to support ourselves and our family.
  5. Since neighbors are the only people we really get to see, we are getting a chance to know them a little better – even if it’s only a social-distancing safe encounter. Continuing to foster these friendships with neighbors when the quarantine is over can strengthen our sense of community.
  6. Appreciating technology. This is a big one for me because I often complain about it. However, without the amazing advances of technology we would have no way to communicate with the outside world during this time of isolation. How thankful I am for it now so we are not completely shut off from friends and family who live apart from us.
  7. However, we are also learning that communicating through technology is not as satisfying as communicating with people in person. We have particularly found that online learning is not as successful as learning in the classroom. Seeing how many students struggle with classes, time management, and staying focused with distance learning, we realize more than ever the significance of a teacher’s role in a child’s learning experience. Having a real live, present teacher to interact with and respond to is so much more rewarding than staring at a computer screen even if there’s a talking head on the other end. I think we’ve learned that we are social creatures after all.
  8. Because of fewer visits to the grocery store, some of us may be learning to do a better job of conserving food and using leftovers. Knowing I can’t immediately go to the store to replenish ingredients makes me stretch the food I already have so it lasts longer. A recent study of the habits of 2,000 Americans showed that the average American wastes 103 pounds of food per year. Perhaps being quarantined has helped us learn to manage our food more carefully, frugally, and creatively.
  9. For those of us who are a little more industrious, we may be celebrating the chance to use the extra time to clean out closets or drawers or even our garage. (My hand is going up here.) Having to stay home has provided a good opportunity to finish up projects or start one we’ve had to put off because of our usual busyness.
  10. We may also be realizing the importance of validating elderly parents and grandparents with our visits. One of the saddest things for me during this season of COVID 19 is seeing those in nursing homes and assisted living facilities living in isolation without visits from family and friends or even congregating together for meals and activities. Remembering my own mother when she lived in a nursing home for a time, I know how important my daily visits were to her. I can’t imagine her mental and emotional health could have survived months of isolation. My prayer is that those who care for the elderly in these facilities will soon be given plans to bring relief to the loneliness of their charges. I pray also that each of us will value our elderly relatives more than ever and shower them with our love and attention when things return to normal.
  11. Children have learned things too. During the quarantine, they’ve been able to use their free time to rediscover the fun of imaginative play and creative ventures like building forts, playing make believe, making crafts, or reading books for pleasure and discovering board games and puzzles with family.
  12. And, of course, we’ve learned the importance of  washing our hands for 20 seconds on a regular basis. Because it’s hard to tick off the seconds correctly, I recently learned that singing the Doxology while washing your hands is a good reminder of how to measure the time. It’s also a good reminder to continually lift our voices in praise to our loving Father throughout the day. Here’s a quick reminder of the words: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.” If you just read that, it should have been a 20 second read! You might remember that next time you wash your hands.
  13. And this brings us to perhaps the most significant question many of us have dealt with during this time—the question of our mortality. As we’ve watched the COVID 19 death toll rising each day, we realize death is a part of life. Our own mortality stares us in the face each time the news reports peel off the new statistics. Because of this, we’re perhaps more aware of the finiteness of life, our limited time on earth, and the frailty of our individual lives. Prayer and thoughts of God and eternity may hover a little longer in our minds. We indeed are finite creatures, small in the context of a larger universe. But this needn’t bring fear when we open our hearts and minds to the sovereignty of a God who loves us and designed us to be in fellowship and relationship with Him. He has a plan for us, a future for us, and when we submit ourselves to His love, our lives can become richer and fuller as we walk toward the eternity He prepared for us through the gift of His son.

In each event of life—both good and bad—I see the truth of God’s promise in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I believe that this is even true in the days of COVID 19. In spite of the difficulties of this time, God can use it for our good and His purposes when we come to Him with open hearts and minds.

What have you learned in quarantine? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If this quarantine has been strained because of a marriage in trouble, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might help you take the next best step.

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Sometimes We Just Feel Weary

Guest Post by Kathy Collard Miller

Photo by Nik Shuliahin

Aren’t we all feeling weary? We’re wondering when will this COVID crisis end and we can resume our “new normal”? For most of us we are already thinking of the restaurant we’ll go to or what needs to be repaired. In all of this craziness we can be assured God hasn’t been blind or unhearing about our weariness and how we’re wondering how God fits into it all.

In fact, he comes straight out in the Bible and asks, “How have I wearied you?” Let’s look into the insights we can gain from that verse in Micah 6:3.

Even if we’re not weighed down by the Covid crisis, even when we are convinced God’s plan is His will for us, we still can feel weary. When the Israelites were complaining about God’s plan for them, He questioned them through the prophet Micah, “How have I wearied you?” (Micah 6:3 ESV).

We don’t know Micah’s tone of voice when he communicated God’s message to the people, but I wonder if he mimicked the people’s tone. If so, it would have been a whine.

When I, Kathy, grumble, I am like the Israelites in my complaint, God has done me wrong. I’m believing the lie God doesn’t know what He’s doing, and He will abandon me. He is giving me more than He is capable of empowering me to handle.

That was especially true when Larry’s mother, Audrey, lived with us. When it was clear Audrey could no longer live on her own, I felt dejected, knowing the only option was caring for her in our home. I sat on the patio, looking out at the setting sun. I felt like my life had just set. My life is gone. My life is ruined. I felt hopeless and helpless to battle against God’s will or believe He could help me win the battle. What will become of me?

My husband, Larry, also struggled with discontent. As time went along and his mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, which includes paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, he described feeling weary, as if he was being swallowed up by the endless needs of a demented woman who accused him of trying to kill her. Audrey ended up denying Larry was even her son.

We should have listened to what God says as he continues talking to the Israelites through Micah,

“For I brought you up from the land of Egypt

and redeemed you from the house of slavery,

and I sent before you Moses,

Aaron, and Miriam” (Micah 6:4).

He encourages them to remember all the times and ways He has provided for them in the past. And if He cared in the past, He would provide again and again and again.

Just as God had an answer for the complaining Israelites, Larry and I turned more and more to God’s answers and strength to combat our weariness. Day by day we remembered God’s faithful provision in the past when He healed our marriage and used our story to encourage others as we spoke at marriage retreats. We leaned on him asking for His power and guidance for Audrey’s care.

When we fell back into a weary whining, God’s words through Micah spoke to us, “How have I wearied you? Don’t I have the right to do anything I want with my servants—you? I’m empowering you and changing you. Trust me.”

We were humbled because we saw our complaints as what they really were: rebellion against the loving hand of God. God’s joy, freedom, and surrender were available to us. We could trust He was the same God who provided in the past and would strengthen us again and again. Plus, we discovered greater joy in each other as we united to serve a mentally ill woman.

After two-and-a-half years of living in our home, when Audrey joined Jesus in heaven, the Lord whispered in our hearts, “Well done, good and faithful servants.” He was the faithful one and deserved the credit, even to overcome our weary feelings.

Why do you think it’s difficult to remember God’s faithful past provision during a difficult challenge?

Think of a way God provided for you in the past which could encourage you in a current difficulty.

Faithful God, I praise you for your provision even though I am not faithful. Thank you for being willing to empower me by reminding me of the last time you provided more than I thought you could.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller have been married since 1970 and speak and write both separately and together. Their most recent book is God’s Intriguing Questions: 40 Old Testament Devotions Revealing God’s Nature (from which this post has been adapted). Kathy and Larry are parents, grandparents, lay-counselors and live in Southern California. They have spoken internationally and nationally. www.KathyCollardMiller.com

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Crying Out to God in Distress

Photo by Ben White

Often as an author, when I get e-mails from readers, I hear stories of devastation, where not only a person’s marriage is in shambles, but a child is rebelling, a house is in foreclosure, jobs have been lost, a mother is dying, and more.  Crisis seems to come in clusters.  One misfortune would certainly be enough for any person to handle, yet many times catastrophe piles on top of calamity until a person can scarcely breathe—crushed beneath the weight of disaster.

Some of you may feel like this now. In the middle of this pandemic, sickness threatens in every corner of the globe bringing fear about everything you touch. But even if you’re able to keep that monster at bay, your finances may be drying up; debtors call on the phone and you try to decide between paying a bill and buying food. In addition, perhaps in an already stressed family situation your brain has begun to feel like it’s about to explode in the close quarters of your living space.

The fear and anxiety is mounting to an unprecedented level, and you simply don’t know where to turn.

Psalms 107 recites story after story of people in dire distress who came to the end of their rope. Some were wanderers with no place to live and nothing to eat and drink, some were in prison, some were suffering addictive behavior, some traveled on the seas in ships during a tempest. And in each situation, they came to the end of their ropes when they saw no hope. But when they came to this point, The Bible says, “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.”  Psalm 107:6

They couldn’t stand it any longer, and they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. I’ve been there. I’ve felt like that. I can feel that cry! Can’t you? A cry that comes from deep within the soul. A cry that says I can’t do this anymore. A cry of desperation. A cry of deep pain.

Just as in those emails I get, you may be in this place too. With the world collapsing around you, you may be crying out to God for answers.

Why does this happen though?  Why does a loving God allow the problems to accumulate, hit all at the same time, and the pain to grow until we feel utterly helpless to deal with what is happening in our lives?  Has He no mercy?  When is enough enough?

C.S. Lewis in his book, The Problem of Pain, says, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.  It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Often it is only when we are suffocating beneath the load of crisis that we truly come to a place where we cry out to Him and are willing to surrender our wrestling wills to Him. After one attack occurs, we may be in the process of looking for help. We think about praying. Maybe we do. Maybe we bow our heads in prayer and ask God to solve the dilemma. But when the problems begin to pile up, we feel paralyzed.  There is nowhere to turn. God becomes our only hope.  Even then we doubt and wonder, and only by God’s grace do we hold on.

It’s hard, but we have no place else to go. Our hearts melt in helplessness, and we hold onto God.

As our dependence on Him grows, roots begin to take hold in the soil of our souls.  We go deeper.  What began as only a temporary surrender, stays longer. Our characteristic tendency to recover quickly and then forget the God who brought us out of calamity dissipates as He keeps us longer in our place of dependence and strengthens our weak knees. When we have finally recovered, we will stand with confidence and new resilience and be transformed into more of what God called us to become.

And perhaps we will be ready to listen to what He wants to say to us. Perhaps we will hear His voice when he attempts to steer us in new directions. Perhaps we will be more willing to look into ourselves to see what changes He might want us to make.

There’s no more wonderful feeling than knowing God has heard your cry and delivered you from your distress. The hard part is coming to that place of surrender when you truly “cry out” to the Lord instead of stewing in the trouble.

Remember, what Satan means for your destruction, God means for your good.  Remember to call on His name! And stay with Him. Wait on Him. Wait to see the deliverance of your God.

Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted is available now.

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When the “Merry” Has Disappeared from Christmas

Christmas seems to have fully arrived. You see it everywhere you go. Festive displays glisten on the main streets of town. Lights sparkle throughout the neighborhood.  The words Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday greet you continually.

But for many of you the “merry” has disappeared from Christmas this year.  Things are different, and a “Merry Christmas” greeting has a hollow ring. Your heart is heavy with the idea of how you will even “get through” Christmas. This isn’t the Christmas you wanted. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. The sparkle and laughter are gone as memories of Christmases past assault your heart, and anxiety nibbles at future hopes and dreams.

When gloom hangs over our lives, however, we may discover within ourselves a more natural yearning to peer into the reality of the Christmas we celebrate. As we put aside the glamour, it becomes easier to travel back to how it all began—before the sparkle, before the happy music, before the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping.

There was hustle and bustle on that day, but not of people shopping; it was the descending of large numbers of people upon a small town, all trying to find the basic comforts of a place to stay and something to eat. We see a young woman, nine months pregnant riding a donkey. Can you imagine riding 80 miles on a donkey when you are nine months pregnant? And when she was ready to deliver her baby, who was the Son of the eternal God, she couldn’t even find a decent place to stay. Imagine having to deliver your baby in a smelly stable!

And that is how God came to us – not in a convenient, clean, easy way, but through tough and challenging circumstances. No warm, fine bed for Mary, the mother of God, no fragrant rooms, no support of family and friends who were far away and may have even questioned her virtue and the conception of this baby. No, God came to us in the midst of doubt, confusion, political unrest, and physical hardship. When God sent his Son to be born on this earth, he didn’t clear an easy path for him. He didn’t have a room waiting in Bethlehem. It was hard.

And, oftentimes, that is the way God still comes to us.  In the distractions of active lives, we are often too busy to notice God’s presence. We may have thought we had everything figured out ourselves – that we’d surely find a room in Bethlehem.  We never expected to have to stay in a smelly stable.  We still can’t figure out why things have turned out the way they have.

But, cradled on a bed of hay, in the middle of the odors and pain, we see a tiny baby, the gift of God’s love. It was the first time God was visible to mankind. And in the midst of the difficulties of your life, God has come to show you Himself. It is sometimes only when these other things are stripped away that our eyes are fully opened and we see beyond the glitter into the glory where finally we see Christmas. Perhaps for the first time, the invisible God becomes visible in our eyes, and we see Jesus himself.

God has come to love you with a love you will not find anywhere else—not in a husband or wife, not a parent or a child or a friend. God’s love will not fail you. It is unconditional and everlasting. He will not always show you a clear, easy path to your destination. But He will be with you and guide you, and at just the right time, He may prompt the wife of an innkeeper to say, “I have a place for you. I have an answer. There’s a stable out back…”

His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours. He has a plan that is beyond anything we can see. When we take hold of God, we move beyond the barriers of our finite understanding into the reaches of God’s eternal purposes. Eternity is within our grasp. We become a part of His story.

Two thousand years ago, Mary and Joseph didn’t hear the refrains of Silent Night as they gathered clean straw to make a bed for Mary to bear a child; they didn’t see the picturesque setting of a child being born in a manger as they settled down among the animals. It was hard.

But God came to them in the middle of these difficult circumstances, not just for them, but for us.  Jesus was born into our world and into our lives.  And this is the Christmas we celebrate…a Christmas born in hardship, but wrapped in holiness and love, extending through all the ages of the earth into the glories and wonders of eternity.

If the “merry” has disappeared from your Christmas, may God’s blessings shine through the midst of your circumstances and give you a deep joy and peace that rises high above and beyond your understanding.

*  * *

And if the merry has disappeared from your Christmas because of a marriage in crisis, you can find hope and healing in my books Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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When You Don’t Feel Thankful

As we approach Thanksgiving, some of you anticipate the day with joy, happy at the idea of getting together with family, feasting on turkey, and remembering the blessings of the past year.

But others of you experience a sense of dread as the day draws near. Monumental problems in your life crowd out any sense of joy. Blessings seem a distant memory – a fantasy of days gone by. With Thanksgiving day drawing near, you’re not sure you have anything to be thankful for.

I remember such a time when my marriage was collapsing around me. My husband and I were separated. Confusion and fear gripped my heart and I had no idea what the future held. It was hard to be thankful.

During this difficult time in my life, however, I discovered an amazing irony. While I often did not feel thankful because of my painful circumstances, I found that when I let go of my pain and confusion to raise my eyes toward Heaven and simply thank God for being my Lord and Father, my heart grew lighter and I felt at peace.

As I magnified God through my praise, the debris of doubt and fear cleared from my mind and my perspective changed. God appeared larger and I became more aware of His awesome power and majesty. As a result, my painful circumstances seemed less weighty and prominent. I saw only God, only His love, only His comforting presence. Thanking and praising God was a salve to my aching heart. In the midst of praise I knew I would be alright.

The irony I discovered is that thanking God—when it seemed I had nothing to be thankful for—actually gave me something to be thankful for.

Psalm 100:4 tells us to “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.”

In other words, it is when we are thankful–when we praise His name—that we can enter into the very presence of God. And when we do, we find that His majesty and power is greater than any problem we encounter. In the light of His almighty presence and power, the darkness in our lives grows pale.

When we thank God and praise Him, we open a window into Heaven through which God smiles down upon us and surrounds us with His presence. The opportunity to be thankful and lift our praise to God is an inexplicably beautiful gift God has given us, a gift that brings us into His presence and lifts our hearts out of the surrounding circumstances of our lives. Praising God and thanking Him brings us into His courts where God’s glory outshines the tinsel and washes away the dross of the world around us.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.”

If you are having trouble feeling thankful, when you wake up on Thanksgiving day begin by praising God. Thank Him for His love, which never ceases. Thank Him for being a big God that nothing can defeat. Thank Him that you have the incredible privilege of coming before the God of the universe and offering up your heart.  When you do, He will pour His strength into your weakness. He will fill your heart with Himself and the forever love He has for you. Not only will you find you do have something to be thankful for, but with the tenderness of God’s presence so near, you might find this Thanksgiving to be more meaningful than ever before.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).

“Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. . . .  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord” (Psalm 150:1-2, 6).

Find hope for yourself and your marriage with Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation

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Searching for Meaning

In the last couple of weeks our collective hearts have been sideswiped by what transpired in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio. Two mass shootings in 24 hours.  How could that happen? And why?

As I walked through my local Walmart on the weekend to buy bacon and bread, I thought about the panic and terror that must have taken place along aisles where everyday people took part in everyday activities that day—picking out produce for the family meal, selecting a new outfit for their child to wear to school, maybe buying a backpack. Nobody expected gunshots and death in the middle of the aisle.

And all of us are asking why and what can be done.

Many theories abound about the cause and the cure. We’ve all heard them – been bombarded by them, in fact.  But the theory that hit me hardest over the last two weeks was when someone said there is a hole in America’s soul.

As I listened to various news programs, others expanded on this by describing the search for meaning by America’s youth, resulting in too many of them wondering if there IS any meaning. Statistics were laid out showing that huge numbers of young millennials have often never attended a church or synagogue, live in families that are splitting apart, frequently have no father involved in their lives, and attend schools where the mention of God is prohibited.  With empty hearts and a crushing sense of self, they immerse themselves in video games, look for acceptance on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or grab onto a political ideology to fill up the hole in their hearts to give them meaning. Some – too many—simply find no meaning. Suicide rates among young people have escalated dramatically. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death for that generation.

Driving back home in the car, a song peeled across the airwaves. “I have only one life to live,” the singer crooned. The words seized hold of my mind and wouldn’t let go as I thought about these young people, lost in a world without meaning, seeing themselves as unloved and unimportant. They have only one life to live and it’s being sucked up in the winds of disillusionment and hopelessness. They don’t know there is more to life and they are giving up on it.

My heart aches for them. Because I know there is meaning. I know there is love. And I yearn for them to find it.

Searching for the Meaning

The woman I interviewed on my Heart Talk blog last week told her own story of searching for meaning and the depression that overtook her life because she couldn’t find purpose.  Despite tremendous achievements, a loving husband, wonderful children, and a lovely home, she was drowning in depression and ready to take her life. But it all changed in one dramatic moment.

What happened? What made the difference?

She found Jesus.

Jesus transformed her heart, her life, her future. In Jesus she found a love that filled her life with purpose.

And that is the secret to life. That is where we find meaning. Our creator has the answers for us if we ask Him.

In Jesus there is meaning. Most profoundly of all, when we meet Jesus face to face, we find love – true love, a love that will carry us through the worst storms, the loneliest desserts, and cruelest encounters. And we find life.

Finding Hope – Even in Unexpected Places

So how do we elevate the consciousness of a generation who don’t know His name – except in sleazy contexts that take them along paths that desecrate his name and undermine the very hope that can raise them up to a life of purpose?

When I gave my Heart Talk blog the tag line of “finding hope in unexpected places,” I did it because I believe it’s true. I’ve seen hope spring forth again and again even in the most difficult places. So, yes, I believe there is hope for this millennial generation.

Perhaps it’s in you. Perhaps it’s in me. We know where the hope is. Jesus is our hope and the hope of each of these young people groping in a world of empty promises.

We’ve known heartache. We know betrayal. We know loneliness. And we’re stronger because of it. We know the source of that strength. Jesus walks with us on our difficult journeys and He will walk with anyone who calls on His name. Let’s pass this hope along to the young people in our communities. Let’s reach out to those who are lost and lonely.  God will strengthen us and embolden us to become more of who He called us to be when we pour out His love to those who need it most.

Young people, you are loved. The creator of the universe loves you and has a purpose for you. You are special and unique. You are created in the image of God. Look to Him. Call on His name. He will give purpose to your life.

“I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

“This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God is love.” 1 John 4:10 and 16

“The thief comes only to steal & kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

 “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” Psalm 107:6

 

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